Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Isak didn't think tomorrow could come any slower, he didn't know why, but Even was like a damn drug. He was just so cool and good looking and fuck, Isak just wanted more and more, and he really hated it because he had told himself Even was trash at first, but every day, that thought just kept vanishing.

He never pictured himself getting a tattoo, but here he was, at the tattoo shop with Even, looking through designs nervously.

"Ready?" The guy asked, coming towards both Isak and Even.

"He's still looking Rich." Even tells him.

"Well do you have an idea of where you want to get it?"

Even looked back at Isak, "Um... where is it not so painful?" the blonde asks.

"Where you have the most fat. A few people have told me that the hip area doesn't hurt as much."

"Holy shit, get one on your hip, that would look so damn hot."

Isak rolled his eyes at Even's cursing, but smiled regardless.

"I was thinking of getting like... the moon, I love the moon. Or maybe the sun." Isak stated.

"If you do get the moon, would it be a full moon or like... half a moon? Forgot what that was called honestly."

"I don't know, probably half."

"Want me to draw it up and you tell me if you like it?" Rich asked, and Isak nodded, handing him the book of pictures back.

When the guy was gone, Isak let out a sigh, "I'm scared." he thought out loud.

"That's understandable. I was scared my first time too, but it's going to be small."

"How did you even convince me to get one? My mum will kill me if she finds out!"

"She's not going to find out, Isak. Besides, I can convince anyone with my good looks honestly." Even smirks.

Isak didn't know why, but he liked the adrenaline that rushed through him with Even, knowing he was about to do something his mother was totally against was just satisfying, mainly because he's always followed the rules his entire life, but something about Even made him want to rebel against them.

"How are we even going to do this? I'm sixteen, I need my mum's consent."

"Already got you covered."

Isak raised an eyebrow, and from the pocket of his leather jacket, pulled out a fake with Isak's picture on it.

"Are you serious?" Isak asked, grabbing the card and looking at it intently. According to this, he was nineteen.

"Dead serious. I told you, I got you covered. Just hold onto it."

Isak nodded and they waited a good twenty minutes before the guy was done drawing, and when he showed Isak the small design, the blonde was in awe.

He didn't think tattoos were all that until now. The design was beautiful, a half moon with flowers amongst it, and a small cat on top of it.

"If you don't like it I can always just sketch another one."

"No, no, it's great. I love it."

Rich smiled, before handing him a sheet of paper and a pen.

"Fill this out, then just give me your ID when you're done."

Isak felt his heartbeat accelerate because he was afraid of getting caught, but he never knew being so bad could feel so damn good.

Filling out the paper work, Isak stood up and handed it to him with shaky hands, along with the fake ID Even had given him.

"You nervous?" Rich questioned.

"A little." Isak admitted.

"Don't be. Been told by everyone I'm very light handed so you've got nothing to worry about."

Another twenty minutes later, and Isak was laying down on the bed-like black couch they had, and Rich was cutting up the design, before disinfecting Isak's left hip bone, and he didn't really have hair there, but Rich shaved him regardless, adding a type of cream before putting the paper onto Isak's skin.

The blonde was confused as to what the other was doing, but when he took the paper out, he saw that his skin now had the design plastered on it, right on his hip.

"Is that good?"

"That's perfect." Isak was more nervous then ever, and Even kissed his hand in support.

"How long?"

"Should take about an hour, maybe more, just to give it detail."

This would be the longest hour in Isak's life.

~~

"Almost done... and... finished." The buzzing of the tattoo machine stopped, and Isak looked down to see his swollen skin.

He had to admit, the contrast of his pale skin with the tattoo looked great, and he could understand why Even liked tattoos so much, it was like a form of self expression, and Isak couldn't believe he was thinking it, but he liked how it appeared, the pain was very tolerable as well.

"How much Rich?" Even asked, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet.

"No, it's fine, I've got it."

"Isak, shut up." Even said, and the blonde rolled his eyes.

"I'll leave it at sixty, because it was black and white and I know you."

Before Isak could reach into his pocket to pull out the money, Even handed Rich what they owed.

"I owe you for this."

"You don't owe me anything."

There was something that was bugging Isak, and he couldn't quite get it off his chest.

"Why... nevermind."

"Tell me."

"No, it's stupid." Isak looked away as they said their goodbyes and walked out the shop.

"Isak," Even stepped in front of him, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look his way, "I won't leave you alone until you don't tell me."

"I was just wondering... why me?"

Even raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"

"Why me, Even? You could have anyone you want, why would you choose me of all people?"

Even started at him for a second, before shrugging.

"Blonde's are hot."

"Really, that's your argument?"

"Isak, I like you because you think like that. I like you because you're stubborn as hell and fucking different than any guy I've ever met."

"How so?"

"You don't take no for an answer, you actually stand up for yourself. You're a fucking entitled rich bitch and it's so fucking hot. This is going to sound fucking cliche, but you make me soft. That doesn't happen, like ever."

Isak laughed, shaking his head. His left hip burned a little, but he knew it was because of the tattoo he had just gotten.

I have a tattoo now...

It all seemed so bizarre to him, he couldn't believe how his life was doing a 360 since meeting Even, it was like the brunette bought out the bad side of him, but Isak loved every second of it.

"Last one to reach the motorcycle has to walk home!" Even said, practically beginning to bolt.

Isak immediately ran after him, "That's not fair, you got a head start!" he shouted, as Even touched his motorcycle before him.

"I can be convinced to let you ride."

"How so?"

Even smirked, eyes darting to Isak's lips, "Kiss me."

Isak blushed softly, staring at the ground, before getting on his tippy toes and planting a soft kiss across Even's lips. They kiss for a moment, totally in bliss, but Isak hears it. He hears it loud and clear and he hope's Even didn't, but he knows he did when he's pulling away from Isak's embrace, head snapping in the direction to where the comment was dropped.

Isak feels his heart beat faster, and when he looks over at Even, his usual soft, blue eyes... look like an angry ocean. The shade even turned a few tones darker, and Isak doesn't know what to expect.

"Even, it's fine-" he tries, he really does, but before he knows it, Even quite literally shoves the guy back, and he stumbles, hard, his friend beside watching everything, and Isak wants to disappear right there.

"The fuck did you just say?" Even asks, his tone cold, harsh, and Isak has never seen Even look so angry, it actually scares him.

"Man, it was a joke!" The other friend defends, and Even's head turns toward him and it happens so fast, so sudden, Isak doesn't see it coming at all, but when it does, it seems to happen in slow motion.

Without much warning, Even punches the guy, straight in the face, and it's so loud, Isak is sure he even heard a crack somewhere. He takes a fearful step back, throat completely dry at the sudden turn of events.

"Even!" Isak exclaims, his tone fearful, but Even doesn't seem to listen, because then he's punching the other guy, and Isak swears Even is going to get it handed to him, it is two against one, so he's a mixture of feelings when Even takes them down so easily. His punches look like they hurt, and the guys are on the ground in seconds and Isak wants to cry, but Even doesn't look like he's done as he's bending over and he keeps going at it, fists flying everywhere, and now? People are watching and Isak feels anxiety hit him, strong and hard.

"Even, please!" je begs, grabbing the other's shoulder in attempts to stop him, and his touch seems to do something, because Even stops throwing punches and instead, grabs both the guys by the collar, one with each hand. Isak wishes he never got closer, because both guys' mouths are bleeding, he can literally see his eye begin to swell up, and he's absolutely terrified right now.

"Say you're sorry." Even doesn't even sound like himself, more like a savage version he had hidden that Isak had no idea existed until now.

"Sorry..." both guys mutter, obvious pain in their voices, and Even's breathing hard and Isak feels tears begin to well up in his eyes, one escaping his left eye.

When Even turns towards him, Isak is frozen, looking at the his knuckles covered in blood, bruised, swollen, for quite literally beating the shit out of some random homophobes who had it in them to shoutout what 'faggots' they are.

He doesn't even notice himself beginning to take a few steps back.

"Isak..." Even say, his tone different than before, and people start gathering around them and Isak is literally going to be sick.

Even grabs Isak by the wrist, but Isak is quick to squirm away from his touch.

"Isak-"

"Don't touch me!" the blonde let's out, totally shocked by the turn of events. He doesn't deal well with these kinds of things, violence is really something he's always tried to avoid, and he's stunned that it all happened so fast, right in front of him. He's crying, and Even seems to regret it.

"Isak, don't get like this! I was just defending what we have, no one has the right to say shit like that!"

"And what do we have, Even?!" He asks, tears blurring him. There's a reason why he's so afraid of violence and he feels himself getting flashbacks, it's awful, it's too much to take in, and everyone seem's to be watching, Isak can't stay a second longer.

"I don't know, but I know it's special! Isak, please-"

That's all he hears, before he literally starts running, dodging even, as fast as he can.

"Isak!" he hears Even call out, but he doesn't stop. Instead, this encourages him to go even faster, and he's running so fast, tears streaming down his face as he does, his breathing raged. He doesn't know where he's going, but he knows he couldn't be there a second longer.

It's not long before he's making a left, his pace increasing, running past people, and he runs and runs and runs until he's sure he's so far away, Even is nowhere to be found.

When he stops, he's full on panting, dry tears on his cheeks, and then he let's it all out and fully breaks down, sitting on the ground as he starts to cry.

He just goes at it, sobbing uncontrollably, his knees going up to his chest, and he's shaking violently.

This goes on for a moment, but then he's catching his breath, and he notices he has no idea where he's at, in a side of town he knows nothing about, alone, and people start walking by and staring at him in this state, and Isak feels so small and afraid, he's quick to bring out his phone, seeing five texts from Even. He ignores them, and with unsteady hands, calls the only person he can really trust.

The line goes off for a second, and he's so glad he hears her voice through the line as she picks up, thankfully.

"Isak?" Eva asks, and he starts to cry again, unable to stop himself.

"Eva, I..." he can't even form decent sentences, he's running out of breath, and he can literally hear Eva fumbling through the other line.

"Isak, calm down. It's fine, just breathe, alright? Breathe with me," and Eva starts to breath through the phone in attempts to help her friend, and Isak is letting out shaky breaths to follow her.

"Just... can you... p-please come. I... I don't know where I'm at, I just..." he knows he's being such a baby, so childish, but he just feels so many things at once, it's hard to control it. He's so thankful Eva doesn't ask any questions.

"Pin point me your location, I'm coming now." with that, they hang up, and Isak is turning on his location and sending her exactly where he's at through text.

It seems like forever, it really does, he just see's her car coming closer, and he's quick to open the passengers seat and get in.

As soon as he does, Eva engulfs him in a hug, and Isak is crying all over again as she runs her hand across his back soothingly.

"You're staying at mines tonight. We'll talk when we get there, yeah?"

Isak doesn't trust his voice, so he just nods, and Eva begins driving off. The entire ride is silent, but Eva knows Isak enough to know that he's too upset to even talk about it.

He just keeps picturing Even hitting those guys over and over again, and it brings back a memory he so badly wants to suppress.

Soon, the car is being parked and it all seems to happen so fast. They're now in Eva's large room, and she hands him a shirt and shorts so he can get comfortable.

"It's my brother's, but it shouldn't be that big." Isak just nods, taking off his shirt, and he totally forgets about his new hip tattoo in the process, but Evan spots it right away, eyes widening as her thumb brushes his hip bone, and he winces slightly because it's still sore.

"Please don't touch it."

"No way, is that real?!" Eva exclaims, and Isak just puts on the shirt, covering up.

"Yeah." he says, his voice sounding far away.

He knows in any other circumstance, Eva would be pestering him with questions on how, what, when, and where he got it. Their parents were strict, and during family reunions, would always speak lowly on people with tattoos or piercings, anything non conservative. Eva and Isak very well know that getting a tattoo is against everything, so Isak doesn't blame her for being surprised on his impulsive decision to break the rules and rebel like that. He's just glad she's not asking him now, but he knows he'll receive questions later.

Isak puts on the shorts, and yeah, the clothes are slightly big on him, but he doesn't care. He just feels so much safer now as he sits on Eva's bed, and Eva comes to sit beside him.

"Okay, so I'll ask you about the bold tattoo choice after but... what happened?"

And then Isak's spilling, full on telling her every last detail, even about the tattoo, and Eva seems shook, but she's nodding as he speaks, listening to every word he's saying, taking it all in and not asking questions, and by the time Isak is done, he's wiping at his eyes.

"It was just... it was so fast. One second we're fine and kissing and the next he's beating the life off two random guys. It just... it just reminded me-"

"Shh, it's okay, don't talk about that now." Eva says, hugging him, and Isak begins crying again, images of what happened years ago coming back to him.

***

An eight year old Isak is laughing as he's getting swung around by his dad, a regular day at the park, a Saturday to be exact, a father and son, innocently having a fun time.

They even get some pretzels, everything is fine as they sit on a park bench, and the turn of events that happens next sort of changes Isak's life, well, forever, really.

A group of guys approach them, and the hand of Isak's father immediately wraps around his son, eyes on the group of guys.

Isak is too young to figure out what's going on, too young to realize the gravity of the situation.

"Isak, stay here, okay? I have something to take care of."

"Okay dad." is all he says, and his father and the guys walk off.

Isak watches for a moment. They're talking, or what kind of seems to be arguing. The blonde doesn't pay much attention, he just assumes his dad's friends came and now they're arguing about something. Then, he turns back towards his pretzel and begins to eat, wiping at his mouth.

He doesn't notice when it all goes down, he only realizes when someone starts screaming.

Isak's eyes snap up, and when he turns towards where his father and those guys stood, he see's his dad on the ground, covered in blood and the guys are repeatedly punching him as people try and break them up.

His eight year old self panics, and he immediately runs to where his father was at, screaming loudly.

"Papa, papa!" he tries getting closer, knowing he's useless. A stranger holds him back, preventing him from getting into it.

"Kid, calm down!" but Isak is screaming and kicking and crying.

"Dad, dad!" he's crying out, as people finally manage to get the guys off his father. All four guys begin running, leaving before the police can arrive and no one is able to stop them.

Isak looks back at his dad, people are gathered around, trying to make sure he's okay. Isak just see's blood, swollen areas, his father is literally lying there, immobile, blood pouring out his mouth. It's a lot for anyone to take in, let alone an eight year old boy.

Finally managing to come by his side, he kneels, his small hands trying to wipe the blood. He's so confused, scared, he doesn't really know what he's feeling, but he knows it's a bunch of negative emotions all at once, so much for him to take in.

"Dad, it'll be okay. They're coming, they're coming..." he assures him, voice cracked, tears streaming down his face, getting covered in blood until someone has to pull him away.

It happens so sudden. He's being driven by a police officer to the hospital, the ambulance arrives, it all seems like something out of a horror movie.

When he gets to the hospital, he's surrounded by cops, getting asked so many questions, and he's crying too hard to answer any of them.

"Guys, give the kid some space." One of the officers says, coming to sit beside him and handing him a tissue.

Isak takes it reluctantly, using it to blow his nose and wipe his eyes.

"Listen, he'll be fine. We're going to catch the people who did this to him, alright? Promise with everything I got, kid." his hand rests on Isak's shoulder, and honestly, nothing, not even the kind officer beside him, could prepare him for the news that was to come.

He doesn't get told directly. Instead, the nurse grabs the officer and tells him individually, Isak just watches them chat from far away, unable to hear what they were saying. The officer looks back at Isak, a certain look in his eyes, before turning back to the nurse and nodding.

It's the longest minute of his life, but when they come back, Isak can't help but ask.

"I wanna see my dad. Where is he? I wanna see him!" he says, his voice torn, and the silence between the nurse and officer are enough to have him throw a fit. "I wanna see my dad, take me to him!"

"Kid, I'm so sorry..." is all the officer says, and he's so confused as the nurse sits him down, and honestly, the next turn of words leave Isak feeling cold, with disbelief, because there's no way that what she's saying is true.

"Stop..." Isak says, shaking his head.

"I am so sorry, baby, I really am..." he's not hearing the rest of what she's saying, just a single two words have him paralyzed on the spot.

He's dead...

Isak full has a breakdown, causing the nurse to stop talking as he falls to the ground, screaming and crying and staff has to come get him and hold him down because he's getting so violent. He literally has to be carried out as he kicks and screams, shouting how it isn't true, telling the officers that if they would have got here sooner, this may not even be happening right now. He's blaming everyone, full on having a melt down. All he feels is a pinch in his arm, and everything goes black.

***

Eight years ago that it happened, eight years since his father's death, but Isak still remembers everything like it happened yesterday.

Afterwards, he woke up in a hospital. Now, legally, his mother was his guardian, only he's only seen her a handful of times. Everything changed so suddenly.

He attended his dad's funeral, and was now custody of his mother, a woman he's barely ever seen before.

From that point on, Isak's life changed. He moved in with his mum, new town, new everything. He was never financially poor as his father always gave him what he needed, but his mother was quite literally ten times more loaded.

Isak went from regular houses and going to the park to mansions and limo rides, it was bizarre.

He later found out his father died because he had gotten beat so hard, his left lung literally collapsed, and the doctors couldn't save him, no matter how hard they tried. After much investigation, Isak found out why the guys had reacted that way with his father.

He owes them money, a lot. Isak had no idea, but everything came to the light. His father's drug addiction to cocaine, how much money he owed, how he sold drugs and worked a part time job to get by, how he literally took lines all the time, behind Isak's back, and the blonde had no idea since he kept his double life hidden so well.

Nothing stays a secret forever...

Since then, Isak is completely against violence. His move to his mother's town and changed him completely, along with his father's absence in his life.

He met a few friends, including Eva. He grew... spoiled, cold even, with it all had happened.

He literally had everything he's ever wanted now, never getting told no. His mother was barely around, working most of the time or out with friends, so he grew up on money and money only, and he grew the mentality that it's all that mattered, that, and social class.

He didn't receive love the way his father gave him, just expensive things to cover up for how empty he felt. Never once did his mother console him for his father's passing. In fact, they didn't even speak of the topic, it was like his father's memory was completely dead.

Only it wasn't.

Isak never told anyone what happened. The only person that knew of the situation was Eva, really.

His attitude changed, his demeanor too, and he's been telling himself, all these years, that he was fine. That he was over it and that it didn't matter to him anymore. That the drastic change in his life was for the best, that his father was in a better place. He sometimes even told himself that he didn't miss him, but that was a lie.

Isak low key blamed himself for everything, and he always has. If he would have noticed what was happening sooner, he could have done something to stop it. Maybe his father would still be here. Maybe his life would be totally different. Maybe... this wouldn't even be happening right now.

He wouldn't have met Eva or anyone he knows now. He wouldn't have met Even. He wouldn't have so much money to blow like he does now, he would feel less lonely, more loved, with less money, of course, but better still.

No one knew this side of Isak, no one cared to find out about it besides Eva, the girl who was literally hugging him as he cried onto her shoulder now. Everyone just considered him a spoiled brat with one too many maids, but no one knew why he had turned into that in the first place.

Even fighting those guys today... it just bought back that memory. The memory of how hopeless he felt, it was like he was eight years old again, it... triggered him. It was unexpected, right in front of his eyes, and seeing that blood on Even's hands, it literally bought him back to the blood his eight year old self had on his own hands, his father's blood.

His phone began to vibrate on the bed, and Isak got his head out Eva's shoulder to check the caller ID. It was Even.

He wasn't going to answer at all, so he was a bit surprised when Eva picked up, knowing fully well what was coming.

"Eva..." Isak said, but it was too late, she had already picked up.

"What do you want?" she snaps into the phone, and he knows Even must be confused on the other line, since it was Isak's phone, not Eva's. "Yes, I'm with him now, idiot, I picked him up... well, he doesn't want to see you, okay?"

Isak can hear Even's voice, it actually pains him because, for the first time, Even sounds so upset, a tone of voice Isak has never heard him with.

"Look, just tell him to call me. Tell him I'm sorry. Tell him I can explain everything if he would just let me." he hears Even say, and he literally just sighs, running a hand through his blonde hair and shaking his head, his hand going to wipe his cheeks.

"Yeah, okay. Look, he's fine. Thanks for your concern, but you should have thought about all this before putting hands on someone in front of him. You don't know him like I do, he doesn't like physical violence. You scared him... okay, I will, but I have to go now." Isak hears Even trying to say something else, but Eva hangs up, setting his phone back on the bed.

It's silent for a while, a deadly silence, and Isak has to shift on the bed to at least hear something, anything.

It's Eva who finally speaks up. "Are you going to talk to him?"

Isak doesn't know, he really doesn't. He knows Even isn't aware of his past, so his reaction when he started punching the guys was probably a huge shock to the older male. In all honesty, Isak didn't think he would react that way either, he just got so scared, he hasn't seen a fight since, well, since that day, he didn't know any other way.

So he ran, far from his problems, like he always does.

He shrugs. "I... I don't know." he doesn't even think he can face Even after everything, what would he even say to him?

"I know what he did scared you, I get that, trust me. But Isak... I think he actually does care about you. Let him explain himself, at least once."

"Eva, how do I do that without it being so awkward? I didn't know he had this side, I didn't think he would just blow up like that. How many sides does he have that I don't even know about?" he knew he was stalling, avoiding an answer in general, and Eva wasn't stupid, not in the slightest bit.

"Isak, you're hiding this side of yourself from him too. If he called, trust me, it's because he cares."

"I don't want him to know this side, Eva! How am I supposed to explain to him why I freaked out that hard? He would judge me so hard because it was my fault! He died because I wasn't paying attention, it's all me, I'm so dumb. It's my fault, everything is my fault."

"You can't control what happened, Isak! You were an eight year old boy, okay? It wasn't your fault, trust me. Even says he wants to explain, and if he's willing to do that... you should be willing too."

Isak knows she's right, but he's literally only ever told her the story before, and well, the people he had to tell the case to, but that was different, they had to listen. But Even? He doesn't have to.

He can walk away, never want to see him again, distance himself, and after what happened today, Isak gets it, he would too. He's surprised Even has been blowing up his phone since he ran off.

Honestly, he told himself after that day that he hated drugs, drug dealers, physical violence, anything relating to the sort. Even was all that.

Even was a drug dealer, Even always had drugs, Even did drugs, Even drinks and smokes, Even is bad news, and yet... Isak couldn't help the attraction he grew for the other. He was so dangerous, such a bad boy, it all just made Isak fall for him like putty. He hated it, he hated it, because the truth was, he didn't hate Even at all.

He felt Eva wipe his cheeks with her thumbs, and he was snapped out of his thoughts, offering her a small smile.

"Honestly, I haven't seen you this happy, this real, in a while. I'm not talking about now, of course, but those other days, where Even would drop you off, you just looked so... content. So genuinely at peace, and you deserve that Isak. You deserve to be happy, and real, and at peace, and content. Even has that effect on you. He convinced you to get a fucking tattoo, for crying out loud, we used to talk about them when we were younger. I always thought I'd get one before you, but," she shrugs, and Isak rolls his eyes, "you know what I mean. You were always so cautious, so preppy, easily annoyed, the definition of a rich bitch, and he's bringing you out of your shell and everyone see's that, Isak. You need that."

Isak just sighed, knowing he couldn't avoid this forever. He grabbed his phone, and saw missed calls from Even. He opened up the messages he had sent, six unread.

Even: isak, im so sorry.

Even: let me at least explain to you

Even: fuck, i didnt think u would react that way...

Even: im sorry i scared you off & made u cry, fuck, please answer

Even: i didnt think i would care so much about seeing someone else cry, but the tears rolling down your face? that shit killed me

Even: im so into you, i dont wanna lose u, please, let's just talk

Isak begins writing back a message, and of course, Eva's so nosy, she has to come behind him to read what he's writing. Isak is so used to it by now, he just types away.

Isak: hard rock cafe tomorrow, 5 o'clock.

Sending the message, he sets his phone back down, and it literally vibrates not even a minute after.

Even: thank you.

Isak lays down on Eva's king sized bed, and Eva comes beside him.

"Have you guys had sex yet?" she asks bluntly.

"No, we haven't." Isak answers back truthfully, leaving out the fact that they have done stuff, knowing she would just ask all night. Besides, Eskild was bound to spill the gossip to her anyways.

"Are you going to sleep?" Eva asks, and right there, Isak yawns, nodding his head. "Goodnight Isak."

"Goodnight Eva." it doesn't take long for him to fall asleep.

And not so surprisingly, he dreams with Even.