Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

No matter how much Namjoon tried, he couldn’t stop the flow of tears from Hoseok’s eyes nor calm the uncontrollable shake of his friend’s body. He shut his eyes tightly, simply holding the other boy as close as possible as Hoseok sobbed into his hands. “Hobiyah,” he whispered, his heart twisting painfully. Namjoon hated that he had not paid attention recently to Hoseok’s problems. He hated he had not been a good enough friend or leader; hated that his best friend always hid behind his cheerful façade, never bothering anyone else, until he broke down completely. “Is it something to do with Jimin, Hobi? Please talk to me.”

Hoseok tensed in his arms for a second before raising his head slightly, eyes still cast down. “We broke up,” he murmured.

That seemed to be the final straw for Yoongi, who had been silent up until that point, as Namjoon looked up to catch his gaze worriedly. “I’m going to wring Park Jimin’s neck,” he seethed. Then almost to himself he muttered; “I warned him about this. Why didn’t that brat listen to me?”

“No, hyung, it was me. I was the one broke it off. So don’t give Minnie a hard time, please.”

Hoseok hadn’t seemed to have heard the last of Yoongi’s angry mutterings so Namjoon tucked his curiosity in for later, vowing to find out exactly what Yoongi had warned Jimin about at another time.

Yoongi sighed loudly, dropping to his knees and slinging an arm around Hoseok’s shoulders. “Why are all my dongsaengs such a grand pain in the ass?” he complained, but nudged Hoseok’s shoulder playfully. Hoseok managed a half-smile in return as he sat silently in between both of his friends.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine,” said Namjoon gently, caressing Hoseok’s back in soothing circles, “but we’ll still be here. For when you do.”

“I… just… it’s for the best. I broke up with him for the best. For him.” Hoseok’s voice sounded completely hollow, almost as if he was trying to convince himself.

Namjoon exchanged a concerned look over his shoulder with Yoongi who looked back at him helplessly. “Hobi, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you earlier. I should have been around so you could talk to me if you had a problem, but I was too wrapped up in myself. I’m sorry,” he hugged Hoseok tighter, hoping his friend would forgive him. “I’ll be better. I’ll do a better job at being your friend. And leader.”

“There’s nothing you could have done, Joon.” Hoseok’s words were not unkind as he finally looked at Namjoon’s face and gave him a small smile. “You don’t need to beat yourself up over things you can’t control, okay? I’ll be fine, I always am.”

“Still,” said Namjoon, tightening his jaw in grim determination. “I’ll do better in the future. You have my word.” He caught Yoongi’s gaze as he spoke, sharing a small smile between them. Yoongi smiled faintly, his eyes so warm that Namjoon’s chest tightened in a very different way, feeling himself blush shyly. The sweetness of the moment was unfortunately doomed to be short-lived.

Katalk!

Katalk!

Katalk!

All three of their phones went off at the same time. Namjoon watched Yoongi curiously fish his phone out of his back pocket and checked Hoseok anxiously before groping blindly for his.

Namjoon’s breath caught, phone slipping immediately from his fingers as he caught the flash that appeared on the screen, heart beating erratically.  “Oh my god…” he whispered, feeling his heart thump faster and faster against his chest. “No…”

“That fucking bastard,” growled Yoongi at the same time, hurling his phone so hard it bounced across the floor. “I should have ripped off his filthy head when I had the chance. I’m going to kill him.” Namjoon had never seen such utter fury across the older boy’s face before.

Hoseok had stopped crying as he looked up at them both with pure dread. “What is it?” he whispered, sounding terrified, as he reached for his own phone.

“No, Hobi. Don’t look at it,” said Namjoon urgently, trying to swipe the phone from his hands but Hoseok was quicker. He watched Hoseok’s features harden as he glanced at the image, eyes narrowing to slits, as he quietly switched off his phone and dropped it to the ground.

“What are we going to do?” he asked grimly.

“I need to go to him. To Jackson,” said Namjoon shakily, rising slowly to his feet. “It’s the only way. This is happening because of me, so I have to be the one to end it.”

“No, Joon,” said Yoongi sharply, as he immediately stood up. “I’m not going to allow that to happen.”

Namjoon sighed, instinctively squaring himself for another fight. “Hyung…”

“What happened to everything we said earlier, Joonah? You’re not alone in this, you never were. I- I’ll help you, okay? All of us will. We’re beside you,” said Yoongi quietly, reaching for Namjoon’s arm but his hold was light and gentle. “Hyung’s going to protect you. Won’t you trust me this time?”

Tears sprang to Namjoon’s eyes and fell hotly down his cheeks before he could stop them, nodding as best he could. He had never once imagined this; after years of hoping and wishing that Yoongi would look at him that tenderly, or speak to him with words spun from the sweetest sugar, reserved just for him. It was at once overwhelming and elating; Namjoon was safe whenever Yoongi was around. Yoongi would protect him. He suddenly dared to actually believe it. He couldn’t dare to ask for more.

“Yoongi hyung,” he choked out, aware of how his voice caught awkwardly with emotion.

“I mean it, Joonah,” said Yoongi softly. They shared a look of understanding and unbridled affection then as Namjoon felt the sudden urge to throw himself at Yoongi and drown in his embrace for days. But he shook the inappropriate thoughts away in the next second, clearing his throat.

Neither of them noticed that Hoseok had also got to his feet, still trembling as he wrapped his arms around himself, but a small fire was burning in his eyes as he looked at them both fiercely.

“So, what are we going to do to protect Jungkook?”

+

It wasn’t that Jin was trying to find an excuse to keep himself from going to Jungkook’s room. It wasn’t that he was trying to find an excuse to distract himself from the task at hand at all. No no, nothing like that. It was just that his conversation with Taehyung kept circling round his head like an annoying fly and he still hadn’t processed any of it fully. Jin sighed. Who was he kidding?

He lay on his bed, staring blankly at the wall, tired but unable to even contemplate sleep. He was wide awake. And he knew he’d have to find Jungkook soon after Taehyung spoke to him.

What was he going to say? How was he going to explain himself? “Oh hey sorry Kookie, hyung made a silly mistake and instead of saying he loves you back, he told you didn’t by accident. Well surprise! Turns out I actually love you too! I have all along. Funny huh?” Jin shook his head in despair. Ridiculous. That’s what he was.

With a heavy sigh, he pulled himself up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and staring down hard at his toes as if they had offended him. He needed to stop putting it off and face Jungkook finally. Right. This was it. He was going to find Jungkook. Steeling himself, he swiped his phone off his bedside table and checked the time, when suddenly –

Katalk!

He frowned at the message from an anonymous number as he slid his finger across the unlock button. There was sudden white noise all around as he blinked, unable to comprehend what he was looking at. The image reflected back to him on the screen made him sick to his stomach; vision clouding over with angry crimson spots, blood pumping furiously through his system as he clapped sight of the wretched picture that was sure to haunt his nightmares forever.

There was only one person who could have sent it. Someone so malicious and spiteful that they probably wouldn’t have even batted an eyelid in sending this photo, knowing full well what the cost would be. Once again, Jin was flooded with hate - such terrible hate – hate he had never once felt before for another human being. No. Jackson wasn’t a human being, he was pure evil. Taking the pain he had inflicted on another and exploiting it in such a heartless way, causing more misery and destruction to all in his path.

Jin’s fingers gripped his phone tight, trembling with fury. “Oh Jungkook,” he whispered, heart breaking. “I should have saved you.” Tears fell from his eyes as he scrambled to his feet. He suddenly ached for Jungkook so badly it physically pained him. To hold Jungkook close and tell him everything, tell him how much he loved him; so so deeply and so so much and that Jin was an idiot for ever trying to deny he felt anything other than love, pure love, for Jeon Jungkook.

He needed to find Jungkook now more than ever.

His heart leapt into his throat as he threw open his bedroom door only to look down and find the very same boy he sought outside of it. Jungkook was crouched, on his knees, as he stared back up at Jin with wide, watery eyes looking like a wild, frightened deer in the headlights.

“Kook…” said Jin as gently as he could, holding up his hands as he approached the other boy slowly. “You’re okay. It’s just me, it’s just hyung.”

Jungkook still looked ready to bolt at any second and Jin’s eyes dropped to the the phone clutched tightly in the younger boy’s trembling hands. Jungkook seemed to figure out what Jin was looking at, his eyes widening in realisation as he clapped sight of Jin’s own phone also gripped tight in his hand.

“You’ve… you’ve seen it haven’t you, hyung?”

Jin flinched at the broken rasp and wounded betrayal in the maknae’s voice, watching helplessly as tears filled Jungkook’s eyes. “No, Kook. Please wait-“

But Jungkook had already leapt to his feet, sprinting as fast as he could down the corridor to his own room and slamming the door shut behind him.

“Kook! Wait,” cried Jin frantically, running after him and trying to pull the door open but Jungkook had locked it from the other side. “Jungkookah, please, please open the door! Kook!” He began to thump on the door desperately, tears rolling down his face, feeling so small and stupid and helpless. This was all he could do; stand there, shouting like a fool. He couldn’t save his dongsaeng nor could he comfort him. He was a useless hyung. He was a useless person. “Kook,” he whispered again, muffling his sobs with his hand, not wanting Jungkook to hear him cry.

Jungkook, seeing you like this kills me.

Jin sank to his knees, still clawing desperately at Jungkook’s door when he heard a small voice sound out from behind him.

“Jin hyung?” It was Jimin.

Jin stilled, his body sagging, as he felt Jimin place a hand on his shoulder. “Hyung,” the younger said again, voice sounding tiny and so, so sad. Jin gave into his tears once more as Jimin sank to his knees too, hugging him tightly from behind and burying his face into the back of Jin’s neck. Jin could feel Jimin’s tears against the skin of his neck and the blood froze in his veins.

“Minnie,” he managed to get out, voice croaky and horrible. “Please don’t tell me-“

“We got the photo too, hyung.” Jimin’s voice was barely a whisper.

We? Jin looked behind him to find not just Jimin but also Taehyung staring back at him. Both of the boys’ faces were pale and ashen, drawn tight with worry and pinched with sadness. Jin could tell Taehyung was on the verge of tears as the other boy held his arms tightly around himself.

“What are we going to do?” Jimin again, voice panicked and fretful. “Hyung?”

“Does Kook know you’ve seen the photo?” cut in Taehyung before Jin could even form a half intelligent response to Jimin’s question. Jin met Taehyung’s piercing gaze and nodded numbly, more stray tears escaping from his eyes.

Taehyung squeezed his own eyes shut, clenching his jaw, hands balling into fists. “Why is he in constant pain? Why do we keep failing at protecting him?” he hissed furiously. “I can’t bear it. I wish it was me instead. I wish it had all happened to me and not to him. Why was it him and not me? Why?”

Jimin was by his side in an instant, whispering soothing words against his hair as Jin could do nothing more than stay slumped against Jungkook’s door, eyes staring ahead blankly. He had no idea what they could do now. If Jackson had sent that picture to all of them, it was a clear message that he would not hesitate in releasing the photo online.

Taehyung’s words rang terribly in his ears, louder and louder and louder.

I’m so sorry, Jungkook. Hyung failed you.

+

The sound of the front door slamming seemed to send a shock through the dorm. It might have been mere seconds or even minutes later, Jin had lost track of time.

He looked up, startled, as Yoongi, Namjoon and Hoseok piled into the dorm with an urgency that could only have been down to one thing: they had received the photo too. His suspicions were confirmed when he noticed the expressions on their faces, ranging from anger and worry to despair and utter sadness.

Jin got to his feet, noticing that Taehyung and Jimin had stiffened uncharacteristically beside him, shifting uncomfortably, at the others’ arrival. Taehyung was almost standing in front of Jimin protectively, but what he was protecting him from Jin couldn’t fathom. It was then he realised that Taehyung’s hardened gaze was fixed, surprisingly, on Hoseok.

Hoseok, meanwhile, also seemed noticeably uncomfortable as he trailed behind Yoongi and Namjoon, eyes trained on his feet; avoiding eye contact with anyone. Jin found it all baffling but he couldn’t think to pick it apart, not when there was a more much important worry on their hands.

“You’ve seen it too.” Yoongi’s words were not so much a question as a statement as he read Jin’s worried face, before training his sharp eyes on Jimin and Taehyung.

Jin forced himself to nod, looking up only when he felt Namjoon’s hand on his shoulder. “We need to talk,” said Namjoon grimly, before looking at the others. “All of us.”

“Jungkook’s locked himself in your room.” Jin found himself saying softly.

“Okay,” said Namjoon as if he was holding his breath. “Maybe that’s better for now.”

He signaled for everyone to follow him through to the kitchen, where they crowded round the table. Jin noticed that Hoseok and Jimin were continuing their strange behaviour and had sat themselves as far away from each other as possible, on opposite ends of the table, while staring down intensely at their laps.  Before Jin could ask what was wrong, however, Namjoon cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been very good at leading any of you recently,” he started, a little quietly. “I’ve been irresponsible and careless; thinking I could solve things on my own, so needless to say it’s taken a few thumps to my thick skull and a lot of wise words from certain individuals for me to finally realise I’ve been dealing with this all wrong. Communication is what I always harp on about; communication between us when something’s wrong or the going gets tough. Communication is key to our team, because I would hate for any of you to go through a hard time and feel completely alone or isolated. Ironically that’s what I’ve been doing to myself. Seems like I’ve been ignoring my own advice.”

Jin caught the way Namjoon seemed to swallow down a lump in his throat before continuing. “So I’ll be completely truthful with you all from now. I won’t hide behind myself anymore. This started because Jackson wanted me to sleep with him. I refused, so he hurt Kook. Then he sent me a photo of what he had done-“

“That bastard!” squealed Jimin at the same time as Taehyung cut in with; “Wait, there were other photos?”

Yoongi sighed as Namjoon cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Yes, there was another photo. But we agreed we didn’t want to worry you,” said the older, sending Taehyung a stern glare.

“We’re not children, Yoongi hyung.”

“I thought I could handle it by myself,” Namjoon cut in quickly before things escalated. “I thought I could make a deal with him and that none of you would ever have to know what I had agreed to…” he trailed off, voice catching in his throat.

“It’s okay, hyung,” said Jimin, sending Namjoon a kind smile though it was clear as the day he was worried sick. “It’s okay, because we are here to help you. To help each other.”

“Thanks Minnie,” returned Namjoon warmly. “I should have trusted in that from the beginning. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

Namjoon stopped, his eyes flickering up to meet Yoongi’s in particular. Jin caught the coy glance between them and his curiosity was immediately and happily piqued. He wondered if they had finally settled their differences after leaving Jin’s room looking like they were about to claw each other to pieces. And whether they had finally confessed their real, stupid feelings.

“We need to figure out now how best to help Jungkook. How to stop this from blowing up or being leaked. I won’t have him going through any more hurt or pain because of that bastard. I simply won’t allow it.” Namjoon’s fists had curled on the table so tightly his veins were popping. “I won’t let him win.” He looked up at them. “But I know now I can’t do it on my own. I’m sorry to ask this of you, but I need your help. All of you.”

“Of course, Joon,” said Jin immediately, without hesitation, feeling unbearably proud of his best friend for facing his demons. “We’re here. We’ve always been here. I’m so glad you’ve found the courage to speak up finally and ask us.”

“Yes, hyung,” added Jimin quietly. “We’re family, after all. And family don’t abandon each other.” His eyes seemed to meet Hoseok’s at that moment and both of them immediately looked away, much to Jin’s further confusion. Hoseok’s cheeks were flaming red, seeming like he was trying hard not to cry whilst Taehyung had looped an arm around Jimin’s shoulders in the same moment, glaring coldly at Hoseok. A bolt of something icy suddenly struck Jin and he hoped to God it wasn’t what he thought it was.

If Namjoon had also noticed the awkwardness in the atmosphere, he thankfully didn’t dwell on it; moving the conversation on swiftly. “I’m grateful to hear you guys say that.”

“So now we figure out how to go from here.” Yoongi spoke up, arms crossed and brows knitted. “Does anyone have any ideas?”

The silence that followed was just as uncomfortable as the question posed.

“I,” spoke up Hoseok after a while, voice shaky. He cleared his throat and started again. “I think this has gotten too big for just us to handle. We should go to management. They’ll be able to protect us from this.”

“Protect us?” cut in Taehyung before anyone else could speak, eyes flashing. “That’s rich coming from you, hyung.” He suddenly seemed to regret his wild outburst as he hung his head quickly for snapping at an older hyung, biting down on his lip as if to keep more scathing words from pouring out. Jimin was tugging at his arm, desperately shaking his head.

Jin whipped his head round, shocked, at Taehyung’s uncharacteristic aggression towards Hoseok and was about to reprimand him but Hoseok, for better or worse, beat him to it.

“No, come on, Tae. You obviously have something to say so let’s hear it.” The orange-haired boy’s seemingly calm words were laden with steel as he glared back at Taehyung. “Get it off your chest. I dare you.”

Taehyung had opened his mouth indignantly to no doubt hurl back a prickly response when Jimin stood up abruptly, his chair scraping the floor; the sound jarring and terrible in the already tense air. “Tae, don’t. I don’t want to hear it all again. I can’t hear it all again,” he mumbled, waterfalls of tears dripping down his cheeks. “Please don’t. Please.”

Jin watched, mouth agape, as Hoseok also stood up, alarmed at Jimin’s panic, trying to move across to him. But Taehyung stood in his path in seconds. “No, hyung. I’m sorry but I can’t let you near him, not after what you’ve done,” he said, holding a hand up, warning Hoseok against coming any closer.

Hoseok stared at him in disbelief. “You don’t know the half of it, Taehyung. You have absolutely no idea. So don’t push me. I’m warning you.”

Namjoon was also on his feet in seconds. “Come on, don’t fight,” he pleaded. “We can’t be divided between ourselves. We have to remain as a team.”

“Joon, you’re my best friend so I’m only going to say it once; stay out of this. Don’t wade in and make things worse, like usual,” Hoseok hissed, yet his eyes remained fixed on Taehyung and Jimin.

“I get that you’re having a hard time but don’t speak to him like that, Hobiyah,” said Yoongi immediately, but his words were not unkind, as he clapped a comforting hand to Namjoon’s shoulder.

“What? Like you, hyung? I know about all the horrible names you’ve called him, and much worse than that. You’ve behaved the shittiest out of all of us towards Namjoon, haven’t you? So if I were you I’d think twice before opening your mouth and sticking your nose in where it isn’t wanted.” Hoseok whirled to face a speechless Yoongi who gaped at him in return, obviously shocked by his unexpected tirade. Then he turned back to Taehyung, who was comforting Jimin, stroking his hands through the other boy’s hair and wiping away his tears.

An unreadable look crossed Hoseok’s face as he once again locked eyes with Taehyung.  “This happened because of you, don’t you get it?”

“Hyung, don’t,” croaked Jimin, his voice breaking as he struggled to speak. “I’m begging you, Hobi hyung.” But he, of course, went ignored. Jin felt his chest tighten with panic, hating seeing his friends argue; not wanting to watch the awful scene unfold any further though he knew it would probably be forced to.

Taehyung’s eyes were narrowed to slits, brow furrowed as he squared up to Hoseok. “What do you mean because of me? As far as I can see, I’m not the one who has just cruelly broken up with my best friend and totally crushed him beyond belief. Do you know how much hurt you’ve caused him, hyung? What was the reason, huh? Got bored and wanted a change? Or what? Decided you’d rather stick to girls because it’s easier?”

The heavy stone in Jin’s throat dropped down to his stomach at Taehyung’s words. So it was as he feared. Jimin and Hoseok had split up and he was sure he was about to find out why, though what he desperately wanted more than anything was to pinch himself and wake up from his god awful nightmare.

“I know you’re not as clueless as you look, Taehyung,” spat Hoseok, mouth curled up disdainfully. It didn’t suit him. “The pair of you. Tiptoeing around each other. Jimin’s been in love with you for months, probably even years, and you’re telling me you’ve seriously never noticed?”

Taehyung went an alarming shade of white as he began to stutter and stammer, “I… uh…” while throwing a questioning look at Jimin, who had his head in his hands.

Hoseok looked slightly victorious at Taehyung’s lack of a suitable response as he continued. “So put yourself in my shoes, do you really think you could stay with someone who is pining for another? For a man that isn’t you? Could you stay by his side and suffer through that, whilst also watching him suffer at the same time?”

His words seemed to hit an accurate truth somewhere in Taehyung, as the younger blushed furiously, eyes flitting up to meet Jin’s and in that moment, both boys knew the other was thinking of Jungkook and how Taehyung would have gladly stayed with their youngest member, as blinded as he was with his own love, even whilst knowing the younger boy’s true feelings for Jin.

“Or maybe you wouldn’t mind. Maybe that’s the difference between you and I, Tae,” came Hoseok’s bitter voice, as both Jin and Taehyung looked back up at him; yanked from their respective thoughts. “Maybe you could swallow your pride and play second best to someone. Especially if that someone was Jungkook, am I right?”

Both Taehyung and Jin’s heads snapped up at that as Namjoon uttered a shocked “Hobi!”. Taehyung’s eyes were bulging, his mouth set in a hard line as he advanced suddenly toward Hoseok. Jin immediately leapt out, pulling Taehyung back by his shirt. “This solves nothing, Tae,” he said, desperately trying to hold Taehyung still.

Rather predictably, Taehyung wasn’t listening to him as he flailed furiously, trying to reach Hoseok. “What do you know about anything, Hoseok hyung? You think you’re the only person in the world who’s heart is broken right now? You think you’re the only one who has to watch someone they love break their heart over another?”

“Tae, that’s enough. Nothing good will come of this,” came Namjoon’s stern voice, but it collided with Jimin’s pained shriek of; “Stop! Just stop!”

Everyone silenced immediately, wincing, as they turned to Jimin. Jin’s heart ached to look at his friend. The poor boy was trembling badly, wrapping his arms around himself, as he stood shaking. “Stop,” he repeated, words barely a whisper. “Stop. Please, I can’t take it anymore.” Yet more tears fell from his puffy red ringed eyes as he looked up, catching Hoseok’s gaze. Both boys stared at each other tentatively for a few seconds before Jimin turned and bolted out of the room.

Hoseok looked about to follow him but was stopped by Taehyung as the younger threw him one last murderous glare over his shoulder. “You don’t have to worry about Jimin anymore, hyung. I’m going to take care of him from now on.”

Awkward silence fell after Taehyung left. Jin didn’t dare to look at any of his friends but when he chanced a glance up at Hoseok he immediately regretted it. He had never seen the other boy, normally so cheerful and bright, look as crushed and devastated as he did in that moment, and it brought tears to Jin’s eyes. For his friend. For all of them. They were such a mess and he didn’t know what to do. Without thinking, he rushed forward and enveloped Hoseok in a tight embrace which the other boy gratefully received, burying his head into Jin’s shirt, totally crumpling in on himself as he sobbed.

“Sssh,” Jin soothed as he rubbed Hoseok’s back. “Hobiyah, I know there’s always two sides to every story and that you had your reasons. No one is the bad guy here, although sometimes you may feel like you have to act like one.”

His words seemed to make Hoseok cry even harder as the younger boy clung to him as if Jin was his lifeline. Jin understood what he felt like to be the bad guy with good intentions after all. “Hyung, I didn’t know any other way,” he sobbed. “I couldn’t keep going round the same circle every day. I couldn’t keep Jiminie trapped like that. I refused to be his reason to settle. So I let him go. For him.”

Jin tightened his hold on Hoseok as Namjoon and Yoongi approached them, also wrapping their arms around the pair of them, cocooning them in. Namjoon looked particularly pained as he laid his head against Hoseok’s shoulder.

“Hobiyah,” he muttered softly. “I’m going to help you get through this. You’re going to be okay. You and Jiminie. I’ll make sure of it.”

Yoongi looked thoughtful as he stroked Hoseok’s hair. “You don’t need to explain, Hobi. Just know we are here and whatever you decide, whatever decision you make – or unmake – we’ll support you.”

Hoseok sniffled as he raised his head to look at his friends. “Joonah, Yoongi hyung,” he croaked, hanging his head shamefully. “I’m sorry for earlier. What I said-“

“It doesn’t matter. You were upset,” smiled Namjoon with a slight shake of his head. “Besides, I do have a tendency to wade in with my huge feet and break more stuff than I fix.”

“Tell me about it,” muttered Yoongi, with a sigh, completely deadpan. “I’m always the one cleaning up after your trail of destruction, after all.”

The tension dissipated in that moment as they all grinned at each other, breaking apart and shuffling like the awkward children they still were.

Jin ruffled Hoseok’s hair. “You can sleep with us in our room, Hobi,” he said and then thought of Jungkook and his locked door before turning to Namjoon, stomach clenching. “I guess that goes for you too, Joonah. Seems like it’s going to be a hyung line party tonight.”

But Hoseok shook his head with a watery smile. “Thanks hyung but I think I want to go to the studio and be alone for a bit,” he said, turning his gaze to Namjoon and squeezing his shoulder, giving him a wry smile. “It’s what we do, isn’t it? Where we want to go when we wanna mull over our terrible angsty feelings by ourselves?”

Namjoon returned his half smile, nodding his head in understanding. “The door’s open for you when you feel like coming back.”

Jin sighed. He knew that even if he argued against it he wouldn’t win this fight so instead, he watched, worried, as Hoseok pulled on his jacket. “Don’t stay too late and don’t work too hard okay? Come back if you feel really tired.”

“Yes hyung.”

“And don’t drink coffee so late at night. It’s not good for you.”

“Yes hyung.”

“And… and… don’t sit there crying by yourself when hyung isn’t around to take care of you.”

Jin’s heart ached that little bit more as he watched tears fill Hoseok’s eyes again; fixing Jin a grateful smile and bowing his head. “Hyung, thank you.”

Then he looked towards Namjoon and Yoongi sadly. “I want you all to know…. I still love Jimin, so so much. I always will. Hurting him like this is the hardest, most terrible thing I’ve ever done but I need to come to terms with it and face the consequences. I also want you to know that I won’t let it affect our team, I promise. And I’m sorry it’s happened this way, especially with… everything else that is going on.”

Namjoon stepped towards him immediately, his own eyes watery. “You don’t have anything to say sorry for. Like we said Hobi, the door is always open for you. Don’t stay alone for too long if you miss us. Just come home, okay?”

Hoseok smiled softly at each of them in turn, nodding slightly, as he turned and headed out the door into the night. Jin watched him leave as if it were a dream and wondered numbly when they would all start waking up.

+

Namjoon stood hesitantly between his hyungs' beds. On any normal night, he would have instinctively chosen to sleep with his best friend and Jin already seemed to be making the usual preparations for him, but this wasn't any normal night. This was the momentous night him and Yoongi had finally, bloody finally, confessed their feelings for each other. And even though Namjoon was worried sick about Jungkook (and Hoseok and Jimin and quite simply everyone, for that matter), he simply couldn't shake off the pleasant tingling that kept coursing through him each time he locked eyes with Yoongi.

Said boy was nonchalantly getting ready for bed, already assuming that Namjoon was going to bunk with Jin, and pretending not to look upset about it or affected in any way. But Namjoon caught the slightly petulant pout on his hyung's downturned lips and it was honestly one of the most adorable things he'd ever seen.

Without a word, he strode across the room and right into Yoongi's bed, snuggling up next to him and pulling the covers  up to his chin, much to Jin and Yoongi’s surprise.

Yoongi was clearly trying not to look too happy with the development as Jin's mischievous voice carried across to them. "Well, your talk seems to have done the world of good."

Namjoon knew his friend well enough to know the older boy was smirking knowingly, already piecing it together and guessing what had happened. "I'm glad."

Namjoon finally glanced over at Jin and they shared a meaningful smile. Yoongi coughed, trying to cover up his embarrassment. "Yeah well, as long as Joon here keeps his snoring at bay, we should all be able to get a good night’s kip.”

“Only a kip eh?” said Jin with a wink. “No other shenanigans to speak of?”

Both Yoongi and Namjoon turned an alarming shade of bright red. “Ah bloody hell hyung, it’s gross enough you making those kinds of jokes but even worse when you think that if we did do anything, you’d be right in the same room with us,” said Yoongi, spluttering.

Jin also started, seeming to consider this for the first time, face paling considerably. Namjoon stifled a chuckle at his expression. “Ah actually on second thoughts guys, please spare me from having to witness anything my innocent eyes and ears would not be able to unsee or unhear.”

“Innocent, right,” snorted Namjoon. “That’s a good one, hyung.” Yoongi shot him a grin as Jin huffed indignantly.

They settled down and switched off the light, the room falling into darkness and it was at once calming as it was exciting. Especially with Yoongi right beside him, their skin grazing shyly against each other, fingers skimming hesitantly, and Namjoon could feel Yoongi’s breath close against his neck. He closed his eyes, longing for them to be completely alone in the room, wanting nothing more than for Yoongi to touch him in the way Namjoon so desperately wanted. He felt Yoongi shift beside him, almost restlessly, and wondered if his hyung may have been feeling the same way.

Namjoon’s wishes seemed to be answered when Jin’s voice sounded out, quiet and contemplative. “Jungkook’s alone. It’s not right for him to be alone.”

“Hyung?”

The sheets rustled and the sound of Jin’s footsteps padding across the room followed. “Good night, guys,” said their eldest hyung as he slipped out the door.

After Jin left - and Namjoon felt guilty for feeling relieved - the silence that fell over them was lovely and inviting. And the tingling undercurrent of electricity was still thick and palpable in the air. Namjoon sucked in a breath, wondering what to say and whether he should break this moment at all.

It was then that he felt Yoongi tentatively reach out and entwine their fingers together under the covers. Namjoon smiled into the darkness, almost bursting with joy. "I'm so happy, hyung," he couldn't stop himself from saying.

Yoongi laughed quietly, turning on his side. Namjoon did the same so they both faced each other. 

"So am I, Joonah," he said, voice low and raspy. Namjoon couldn't help the shiver that ran through him as they stared into each other's eyes.

"Hyung..." he whispered but whatever he was about to say was cut off as Yoongi reached forward, catching their lips together in a soft yet heady kiss. It sent Namjoon’s mind spiralling and he was sure his knees would have given way had he been standing. Yoongi's tongue explored his mouth in such a hot, intense way that electric shocks buzzed in Namjoon’s blood. Intense was the only word for Yoongi; everything he did was intense. Song-writing, producing, sleeping, love-making... Namjoon blushed. He was obviously guessing at the last one but he did not doubt that Yoongi made love just as intensely as he carried out other aspects of his life.

"Hyung," he repeated more insistently, moaning softly as Yoongi licked into his mouth with more fervour than before.

Yoongi pulled back, stroking his hair gently. "Yes, baby?"

"I don't know if its asking too much too soon but I really want to feel you," murmured Namjoon, sure he was blushing bright red. 

He heard Yoongi chuckle. "Feel me? How?"

Namjoon was sure the older was teasing him now so he blushed furiously and turned around, his embarrassment getting the better of him as he mumbled. "Let's just sleep, Yoongi hyung."

With another laugh, Yoongi had turned Namjoon back round and pinned him underneath him so fast that Namjoon's breath caught in his throat as he looked up at the older boy. "What do you want, Joon? Tell me."

"You. I want you."

"I'll give you all of me. Everything, Joon." 

“I never thought I’d hear you say that, hyung. I never thought you’d feel the same.”

“I told you, it’s always been you,” said Yoongi, looking down at him sadly. “I hid it from you.”

“So did I,” whispered Namjoon, smiling as he reached to caress Yoongi’s cheek, bringing him down slowly so their lips met again, slow and unhurried, gliding against each other like lost puzzle pieces that finally completed a long unsolved jigsaw.

“Now, where do you want to feel me, huh?” smirked Yoongi after a while, his eyebrow cocked.

Namjoon couldn’t hold back his laughter as he looked up at hyung’s cheesy attempt at flirtation before winking in return. “Oh I’ve got a few ideas, hyung.”

+

The next day they blessedly had the morning free before they were forced into their usual, hectic schedules. Jungkook refused to say a word to anyone, resolutely avoiding any unnecessary conversation or interactions, until they were back at the dorm again and he had marched himself straight back into his room, ignoring the way his hyungs called out behind him. Ignoring the sad way Jin watched him leave. They had tried to engage him countless times but he had barely looked any of them in the eye, or had stubbornly stuck his earphones in, blasting music on the highest volume, until it had been finally time to leave.

Tears pricked Jungkook’s eyes. He couldn’t face his hyungs. How could he face them when they had seen the photo of him in such a vulnerable, exposed way? Jungkook squeezed his eyes shut, almost clawing at them, trying to rip the images out of his head. No matter what he did, the truth of the matter was he had brought shame to his family and continued misery to his adored hyungs.  Every time he thought he could overcome it, something else would happen to knock him back down. And Jungkook was tired, so tired from trying to be strong and trying to keep going, when nothing seemed like it would get better.

And then there was Jin. Jungkook had crept from his room the previous night to get himself a drink, sure in the knowledge he wouldn’t run into one of his hyungs, when he had opened the door and found Jin curled up right outside, chest rising and falling as he sighed softly in his sleep. Jungkook’s chest had tightened with something other than pain; unbridled and undeniable affection overflowing in him. His hyung had looked so angelic and beautiful as he slept, almost as if he had placed himself there to guard Jungkook’s room. Jungkook had never felt so in love with him but had immediately dismissed the notion. Instead he had knelt down, allowing himself to touch Jin’s cheeks and his soft hair, exhaling deeply and wished that things could have been different.

He had left Jin asleep outside his room.

And now it was early morning again and Jungkook couldn’t sleep, no matter how hard he tried. His mind was plagued and he couldn’t block out the images of his horrified hyungs’ faces as they received that fucking photo. He hated the fact he was the cause of their problems. He hated that he kept putting them through so much pain. He hated knowing he was the reason they all secretly shed tears and felt helpless and useless.

No one could help Jungkook now. He knew that. But, he decided, getting some banana milk might be a step in the right direction. He sighed, checking the hallway for any signs of life. No Jin hyung this time. So he crept out, chiding himself for still being a baby who relied on something as juvenile as banana milk to calm himself down.

When he neared the kitchen he found there was a dim light spilling out onto the floor and was about to turn tail and head back to his room before he caught a glance of Jin sat at the kitchen table, tears spilling down his face, as he necked what looked like his tenth shot of soju. An empty bottle sat beside his elbow and he was making quick work of the second bottle to the other side of him.

Jungkook wanted desperately to turn and flee but something was compelling him to stay as he watched Jin for a few moments, hidden in shadow behind the door. Jin now had his head in his hands, sobs growing more desperate and body shaking as he tried hard to stop himself from making noise. Jungkook flinched at the sound, something inside him crumbling to pieces. He had never seen his normally so strong and enduring hyung break down in such a way. It hurt him like nothing else; hearing Jin cry. Hearing Jin cry because of him.

The thought alone was too much and Jungkook threw open the door, tears also streaming down his face. “Please don’t cry because of someone like me, hyung, I can’t bear watching you cry,” he choked out, meeting Jin’s startled expression. “I hate seeing you like this.”

“J-Jungkook?” Jin stammered, hand over his heart, eyes wide. “You scared me, Kookie.”

“Sorry, Jin hyung,” mumbled Jungkook, looking down, tears still obscuring his vision. “I just wanted you to stop crying.”

Tears were also still falling from Jin’s eyes as he looked intently at Jungkook. Silence descended for a few seconds until Jin stood up and crossed the room to Jungkook silently. Jungkook’s gaze was trained at his feet, not daring to look Jin in the eye because if he did, he was sure the dam would burst and there would be no going back for either of them.

“I-I’m so sorry, Kookah.” Jin’s tearful voice surprised Jungkook enough that he looked up in time to see Jin sinking to his knees and burying his face against Jungkook’s stomach, fingers gripping Jungkook’s night shirt. “Hyung’s so sorry. Please forgive me, even though I don’t deserve to ask for it.”

Jungkook was still too startled to speak, but he unconsciously found himself winding his fingers into Jin’s hair, feeling Jin’s tears wet the thin material of his tee, soaking through to the skin of his abdomen and he was shocked at the rare and raw emotion Jin was displaying. Jin would never show this side of him to any of them, let alone Jungkook, the youngest. It was almost unheard of.

As Jin continued to cry, Jungkook knelt down slowly so he was eye level with his hyung. “Hyung, you’ve had a lot to drink,” he whispered softly. “I’ll help you back to your room.”

“No, Kookah,” said Jin, shaking his head vehemently. If he hadn’t have been crying, Jungkook would have cooed at how cute he looked when he was being stubborn. “Please don’t leave… this is the most you’ve spoken to me in days. And I need you to know… I just need you to know how lonely I’ve been without you. Everything has been in black and white. No colour, Kook. You are the colour I’m so desperately missing.”

Jungkook held his breath, unsure whether it was the second bottle of soju speaking or Jin’s own true thoughts, but he found himself wanting to hear more. Wanting to hear Jin’s emotional spew of guts and feelings and woes. He wanted Jin to lay himself bare for once. Because the older had never trusted him enough before to be this honest. Jungkook wanted to be trusted finally. Wanted his hyung to treat him as his equal. Wanted his hyung to tell him everything he was really feeling.

Almost as if he could sense Jungkook's thoughts, Jin spoke up. “It isn’t because I’m drunk, Jungkookah, if that’s what you’re thinking. Now just be quiet and listen-“

Jungkook couldn’t hold back a grin because he was being nothing if not quiet as he watched Jin hold a finger against his mouth and shush him. “Good,” the older slurred and honestly, Jungkook had never seen anyone so beautiful and vulnerable and adorable as his hyung in that moment. His heart leapt at their sudden closeness and he had to suppress the desire to kiss Jin.

“Good,” Jin repeated drunkenly, looking at Jungkook seriously, tears still glimmering in the corners of his eyes. “’Cos you need to listen to this, okay? I’ve… I… I’ve been the worst hyung to you. I’ve been the worst friend… the worst protector. I thought that if I did what I did… if I distanced myself, that I could look after you and protect you and keep you safe. But I didn’t. I made it worse. And Taehyung… he told me… all of those horrible things. And Kookah, I hate myself for what I’ve done to you. I should have been trying to help you, not hurt you-“

“Hyung, that’s not true. You do help. You always try your best, no matter if you get it a little wrong sometimes. And it’s okay, I understand you’re the oldest and you feel like you need to look out for all of us, especially me because I’m the maknae. But hyung, if you’re still feeling bad for me confessing to you, that’s okay. It really is. You can’t help that you don’t feel the same way about me. That’s not your fault, okay?”

“No, no, Kookie. That’s just it, you’re not listening,” cried Jin, a slight pout turning down his lips. “I made you feel terrible, I made you hate yourself even more. But the real truth, the real uh, reality is that I – I… I’m just not good at any of this. I wanted to be your brother and I wanted you to think of me in that way. And I tried so hard but it didn’t work. Clearly. Which is why we’re here, after all. The reason I’m here. On the kitchen floor, two bottles of soju down, looking into the most beautiful pair of eyes I have ever seen in my entire life.”

That got Jungkook’s attention, snapping his head up so fast he winced. “W-what?”

It was Jin’s turn to avoid his gaze now, as he picked at a loose thread on his pajamas. “I broke your heart, Kook. And I knew you were heartbroken in the days that followed and I let you stay heartbroken. Because I was too cowardly to face up to it. But I’ve finally had some sense knocked into me and they say it’s better late than never, right? And even if you hate me and continue to hate me, I wouldn’t blame you. In fact I would encourage you to keep hating me for what I’ve done.”

“Hyung, you’re not making much sense…”

“It was never Namjoon, okay? It’s you. I’m in love with you Jungkook. I was before, I was then and I am now. All of the times. All of them. I have been in love with you for every single one. There isn’t another time, or dimension, where I can imagine not loving you. That possibility doesn’t exist.”

Of all the words, of all the ways Jungkook thought the conversation would end up, this was the very last bombshell Jin could have dropped; the very last possibility that could have even crossed Jungkook’s chaotic mind. He froze, unsure if he had heard correctly, vaguely aware he was staring completely bug-eyed at the older boy, mouth dropped wide open like a comic book character.

Jin seemed not to notice Jungkook’s awkward internal hysteria as he continued to speak. “I’ve never been happier, never felt my existence lighter or sweeter, than in the moment you kissed me Kook. And when you confessed… how sweetly and whole-heartedly honest and trusting you were when you told me you loved me, how beautifully you expressed the words you had in your heart and the courage you summoned in order to tell me something you had kept hidden for so long… well, I was overwhelmed that someone so astounding and wonderful could love someone as dull and idiotic as me. It floored me.”

The older took a breath before continuing, suddenly looking a little scared. “And I started to wish you didn’t love me and rather, that you loved someone worthy of you. Because I don’t deserve you, Jungkookah. I know I don’t, but yet… I want you. I want you so badly it hurts. I’m selfish and I want you in every way imaginable. I want you as my family, I want you as my closest friend, I want you as my soulmate, I want you as a man, in my bed, in the most intimate way. It doesn’t make sense because I’ve acted horrendously. And I’m sorry, but I love you Jungkook. In every single way possible.”

Jungkook’s brain had actually short-circuited as he continued to stare at Jin, unable to comprehend what he had just heard.

“Kook?”

Jin was looking at him so anxiously Jungkook had the sudden worry that the older boy might burst into tears again so he cleared his throat.

“Christ, I only came out here for some banana milk,” he spluttered dumbly.

Jin’s squeaky laughter fluttered suddenly in the air and Jungkook realised, with a jolt, he hadn’t heard the sound of it for what felt like forever. It bumped him to his senses as he locked gazes with Jin; an intense burst of happiness shooting through him as he suddenly threw his arms around the older boy and squeezed him tightly. They fell to the floor under Jungkook’s weight, Jungkook still embracing Jin like a boa constrictor, afraid that if he let go Jin might change his mind.

“Please tell me I’m not dreaming, hyung,” he whispered into Jin’s hair, burying his face into the soft strands. “Tell me I won’t wake up and this would have all been just my imagination.”

“Unfortunately I can clarify it’s not a dream, Kook.” Came Jin’s fond voice from underneath him. “I know, for better or worse, I’ll always feel this way about you.”

“I can’t believe it,” whispered Jungkook, tears pricking his eyes again. “I can’t believe it even after you’ve said it.”

He felt Jin’s hands take his hold of his face tenderly, pulling him back slightly so they were looking at each other. “Kook, the biggest regret of my life is hiding the truth from you. I’m so sorry. You don’t have to forgive me if you can’t find the strength to do so.”

“Hyung, it’s you who’s going to have to forgive me,” said Jungkook, hiding his face, cheeks burning with shame. “I… that night… after I left your room I asked Tae hyung to…. I let myself… I, uh, used him. And I imagined it was you I was with. I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I?”

He felt Jin still underneath him and Jungkook’s stomach began to tie itself in knots until he felt Jin’s fingers stroking his tears away so gently and lovingly he felt a sob catch in his throat. “Kookah, you’ve ruined nothing. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. The blame is entirely on me and any consequences after were caused by my own hand. So please, never say that again. It’s never your fault, Jungkook. Nothing within the past week has been your fault.”

Jin was crying softly again as Jungkook looked down at him. “No crying, hyung,” he murmured, leaning down to nuzzle Jin's tears away with his nose, though his own tears were still falling so all he succeeded in doing was simply mixing their tears together. Jin smiled at the action and helped them sit up slowly, hands tightly entwined, as Jungkook avoided his gaze, already guessing what Jin was going to say next.

“Kookah, that photo… everything you’ve been through… I need you to know and understand that even after seeing it, none of us think any differently of you.”

Jungkook squeezed his eyes shut, finally facing up to talking about all the trapped worries and feelings that were eating him from the inside out. “Hyung, I feel so shameful.”

“You might feel that way for now but I hope you’ll come to realise there is nothing shameful about you, Jeon Jungkook. All of this, this whole horrible ordeal, it’s only made me love you more, which I thought was already impossible. You’re so strong, Jungkook. You’re the strongest of us all. And I admire you so much, Kookah.”

Jungkook’s eyes were still tightly shut, his breathing shallow, as he clenched his fists, unwilling to believe Jin’s words. In his mind, he was tainted and dirty and used… and everything Jin wasn’t. If anything, it was Jungkook who didn’t deserve to be with Jin and…

Everything melted into nothing in the next moment, as he felt Jin’s lips press softly against his. Tentatively at first, pausing to check for Jungkook’s reaction, and then growing in confidence as Jungkook’s lips pressed back of their own accord with a quiet passion, controlled within their kiss. It was short and sweet, as Jin kissed him gently once more and drew back to touch their foreheads together.

“JK, I love you.”

And Jungkook finally broke at the words. “God, hyung, I love you so much. I’ve loved you for such a long time.”

There were tears streaming down both of their faces, and then soju-tinged kisses, and lips exploring skin and everything was new and safe and Jungkook felt like he had come home.

“Don’t stop,” he found himself whispering, in-between gulps of air and breathless kisses. “Hyung, please.”

“I won’t, Kook, I won’t.”

They kissed as if they were starved for what felt like hours, exchanging so many kisses that Jungkook wished he could melt into Jin and remain a permanent part of him. When they finally broke apart, to stare at each other almost anew, with a new sense of each other, Jungkook realised just how chapped both of their lips were and the observation made him laugh.

Jin was confused at first until Jungkook leant in again to push their mouths back together. “Dry lips,” he muttered in explanation, which made Jin laugh again. “My favourite sound. Your laugh. I’ve missed hearing it." Jungkook found he was totally unabashed at the words that would normally have him blushing in embarrassment.

“Already being so soppy eh? Anyway dry lips means we should probably take a break,” said Jin with a grin as he got to his feet, shushing Jungkook who reached for him in sudden panic. “I’m just getting you the banana milk you came for, Kookie. I should probably have one too, you know, to sober up.”

Jungkook laughed, letting go of Jin and watching him open the fridge to retrieve two banana milk cartons. “You slept outside my room last night,” said he quietly, accepting the banana milk Jin handed to him. “I’m sorry I left you there.”

But Jin shook his head good naturedly, opening one of the banana milks and feeding it to Jungkook. “Come on, Kookie. Drink up so we can share banana flavoured kisses.”

Jungkook drank so enthusiastically and noisily that Jin burst into peals of laughter. “Eager, aren’t we?”

Jungkook nodded fervently. “Always eager for you, hyung.” He watched Jin take a sip of banana flavoured milk too and reached over almost immediately, pushing his tongue past Jin’s lips and chasing the addictive taste of his hyung, which was now mixed with hints of his favourite flavoured milk. Jungkook relished in the sounds he pulled from the older boy as he trailed his tongue inside Jin’s mouth, tangling it with the older boy’s tongue, leaving no stone unturned. He was suddenly overcome with the desire to practically devour Jin.

Almost as if sensing his thoughts, Jin moaned softly into Jungkook’s mouth. “Oh god, Kook… what are you doing to me?” he whispered, looking dazed and bewildered, pupils blown completely wide, as they pulled back. “I love the way you kiss me.”

Jungkook chuckled in response. “I love the way you taste, hyung.”

The words hung low in the air, enticingly, almost like a promise of what was to come. They stared at each other, hungrily, desire building palpably between them, thick and fast.

“I still can’t believe this is real,” whispered Jungkook, closing his eyes as he felt Jin trailing warm tingling kisses across the skin of his neck. “I can’t believe you feel the same way, after years of hoping and wishing there might have been even the slightest chance.”

“Kook,” murmured Jin, his tone sending a shiver up Jungkook’s spine, “I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Showing you that you’re everything to me. You’ll never have cause to disbelieve it again.”

“God you’re so gross when you’re drunk, hyung,” laughed Jungkook teasingly, pushing Jin away in an attempt to cover up his embarrassment, trying to hide the way his cheeks flushed shyly.

“Drunk only on you, Kookah.”

Jungkook smirked in response, his body moving forward again, as if pulled by some unseen magnetic force, toward Jin. His every intention to capture those sinfully plump lips again and mark them as his, but the sounds of his morning alarm suddenly startled them both out of their skin.

“Time to wake up,” giggled Jin as they both looked down at his phone. Jungkook laughed too, scooping his phone up to turn off the alarm. His brow furrowed when he saw a text message he hadn’t noticed earlier.

“What is it, JK?” Jin sounded deadly worried at his expression.

Jungkook looked at him grimly as he mechanically handed over his phone. “It’s Yugyeom. He wants to see me. What should I do, hyung?”