Chapter Text
Are kisses supposed to feel like this? This surreal?
Jihoon lowered his lids and pulled apart first, much to Daniel's chagrin. "I can't believe I have to do this in your fucking jacket. I can't believe you even had this is your closet in the first place."
"It's keeping you warm! And you clearly like my stupid jacket or else you wouldn't come out wearing it."
"I wore it because you were standing out here in the cold being an idiot and I didn't want to waste any time digging for my own shit in the closet," Jihoon said, mouth twisting into a scowl. Almost like he was hesitating, Daniel waited for a few seconds before he kissed it away. Jihoon couldn't help but smile. "Stop trying to shut me up."
"But honestly, it's an upgrade from those grandma cardigans you wear."
"At least I don't look like an asshole wearing those," Jihoon grumbled. He shoved Daniel away and teetered unsteadily on his feet. Daniel had somehow managed to kiss him drunk, if that was even possible. "I'm sleepy."
Daniel hooked an arm around Jihoon's waist and drew him closer. "I'll walk you back."
"Is Seongwoo going to be home tonight?"
The taller boy raised an eyebrow but didn't question Jihoon. "Yeah, he's probably on netflix right now."
"Can I crash at your place? Sam won't be coming back tonight so I figured if you and Seongwoo agree to let me stay, we could talk more. And it'll be safe since he's around... right?" Jihoon asked, ignoring the burn in his cheeks. He fingered Daniel's sleeve but chose to ignore the older guy's stare. He felt like he was being interrogated silently. Like Daniel was trying to take him apart and inspect him like a puzzle. "You know, only if Seongwoo says yes as well," he added quickly, the words muffled.
"He'd say yes. Definitely."
Jihoon beamed, looking up at Daniel-- who was smiling just as wide. "Great." But his heart pounded anyway. He was nervous for multiple, painfully obvious reasons. One, he didn't think they'd be moving so fast. As in, going to Daniel's house on the same fucking night they kiss (except this time he couldn't blame Daniel because it wasn't his suggestion). And two, Seongwoo and Jihoon shared a mutual dislike for each other.
Daniel pulled the jacket tighter around his body. "You're shaking."
"I'm cold."
"You look anxious."
"You make me anxious."
The taller boy cupped his cheeks. He looked at Jihoon for a moment, then scrunched his nose (at which Jihoon's heart took a dip and clenched). "I make you anxious? You make me feel so tense my ass is clenched all the time." He laughed as Jihoon pulled away in disgust. "Jihoon, if you're nervous about coming home with me... you don't have to, you know? We could talk in your room. Would that make you feel safer?"
"You don't want me visiting your room?"
"No, honestly, no. I haven't cleaned in weeks."
"Oh my god you're disgusting."
"You're welcome to bury yourself under my covers in my man nest. I can take the couch." Jihoon immediately felt apologetic about kicking Daniel out his own room and it must've shown on his face because Daniel said, "It's okay, I have a couch in my room."
Jihoon nodded. They were walking but their hands were just hanging limply at their sides. He wanted Daniel's fingers to slip between his but he found it too embarrassing to bring up. "It doesn't sound very appealing."
"Which part?"
"Your man nest as a whole."
Daniel knocked Jihoon's head lightly and faked a scowl. "Don't be rude-- I rarely let people into my torture chamber."
"Oh sure, your torture chamber sounds scary," Jihoon scoffed even as blood rushed into his cheeks. He was suddenly reminded of that one time he went to watch fifty shades of grey in the theaters with Samuel. It was disturbing. They couldn't even look at each other for the rest of the night after the movie ended. It was meant to be a joke and they planned to make audible commentary after the lights went out but of course, they had their eyes set on the ground for the majority of the time, unable to really laugh off the awkwardness. It didn't help that everyone around them were couples either holding hands or showcasing unnecessary PDA.
"Yeah, I do. If you don't behave I'll chain you to the walls or something..."
"I'm supposed to believe you have chains hidden in your man nest."
"Oh, I don't need to hide them. They're nailed into the wall so I don't have to bother with setting them up each time they come in use." Jihoon quickly gave Daniel a side-glance. The details he was giving seemed a little too real to be made up. Daniel caught his eye and smiled.
"Are you kidding?"
He shrugged and kept his eyes on the road ahead. "I guess you're about to find out."
If Seongwoo was shocked to see them coming home together, he was good at not letting it show. In fact, when they walked through the front door, they were welcomed by the sight of Seongwoo frantically fleeting from one side of the room to the other, searching for something.
"I'm leaving soon," he told Daniel, then moved his gaze to meet Jihoon's curious eyes. "Use protection. I wouldn't advice banging a hoe like Daniel but, well, have fun," he said, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively before Daniel had to haul him out himself. The two friends exchanged a few more words outside but Jihoon stayed away, giving them privacy. He walked around the room slowly, having to stop every few seconds to plan out his next step to avoid treading on someone's dirty laundry. He didn't want to know the story behind them, but he couldn't help but wonder with a slight tinge of jealousy if one of them belonged to Daniel's hook-ups.
The door closed with a soft click and Daniel smiled sheepishly at Jihoon. "Sorry about that," he said. "Seongwoo's an asshole, I'm sure you already knew that."
"It's fine." Daniel smiled, and it melted all of his jealousy and doubts away.
"So, what are we going to do now?" he asked the younger boy, receiving a shrug for an answer. "You wanna go on netflix and find something interesting to watch?"
Jihoon didn't know what was wrong with him, but he couldn't talk, couldn't form sentences with more than a few words. It was something about being in Daniel's presence that prompted him to cling on wordlessly, appreciating the peace it brought him to have a night like this together again. He nodded as reassuringly as he could. "Sure."
Daniel dragged him into his room (and left the door open) so that he could introduce Jihoon to his chamber of torture. It looked pretty normal, a fact which shocked Jihoon. He didn't know what he was expecting exactly, but it wasn't-- this. Daniel's room smelled like him. Their apartment was on the topmost floor so it had a slanted roof with his bed beneath the wide window opening into night sky. It was unmade and messy but that was expected at least. There was a desk positioned in front of another window and a worn rug peeking out from under the couch. There was a closet, of course, and a full-length mirror propped up against the wall.
The older boy hurried over to his desk to grab his laptop.
"You wanna watch it here? Or outside?"
Jihoon used his chin to point at the couch (real inviting) and plopped down unceremoniously onto the plush loveseat.
"Uh, I wouldn't recommend..." Daniel suddenly let his voice trail away, looking embarrassed.
The younger boy caught his meaning a little too late but he didn't stand up. "Oh my god, Kang Daniel you're disgusting," he complained. "I would have preferred not knowing. Now I'm going to be thinking about it the whole time we watch the movie." He would suggest moving to the bed, but Jihoon figured that the couch would be a safer bet compared to it.
Daniel looked at him apologetically. He settled down next to Jihoon and snuggled up to the boy, propping the laptop on his lap as he waited for the page to load. "You can sit on my lap if you want," he offered.
"You're going to lose your legs by the end of the movie," Jihoon rejected.
"Or you can sit between my legs. Whichever sounds better to you."
For a moment, Daniel thought that his offer would be turned down again but he felt Jihoon's hand on his thigh in the next second, heard Jihoon's breathing halt hesitatingly for a beat, before the younger boy shifted so that he was sitting snug between Daniel's legs. He was dangerously close to Daniel's crotch, but neither of them brought the issue to attention.
"This okay?" he asked Daniel is a voice so small, so soft, the older boy wanted to bundle him up in blankets and kiss him all over.
"Yeah," he croaked. He placed the laptop onto Jihoon's lap and his chin on the boy's shoulder as he browsed through the selection, not really paying attention to the titles. He was trying to prolong this moment for a long as he could, though it really was a test to resist the urge to latch his mouth onto Jihoon's neck. Beneath him, Jihoon squirmed and laughed a breathy giggle.
"What's wrong, sweetness?"
"Tickles when you breathe," Jihoon explained. Daniel felt Jihoon's weight settle fully into his arms, the action bringing a smile to his face.
"What are we in the mood for tonight?" he hummed.
"Anything."
They decided on To All the Boys I've Loved Before but while they made some small comments about the movie here and there, they weren't really paying attention. Jihoon was playing with Daniel's fingers while the latter busied himself with getting acquainted with the boy's neck. He let his nose trail up and down the boy's neck, breath ghosting over the sensitive skin as he traveled to his ear. He nibbled playfully on Jihoon's earlobe partly to fish a reaction from Jihoon, mostly to busy his mouth so they weren't doing something else.
When the movie ended, Daniel folded the laptop and pushed it to the side.
"Who gave you permission to take advantage of me while I was distracted?" Jihoon demanded as sternly as he could.
"I'm sorry," Daniel apologized, "I couldn't help it. You're really beautiful." He was thankful for suggesting this position because from his spot now, he had a very clear view of Jihoon's red cheeks.
"Don't sweet talk me."
"I'm telling the truth."
Jihoon pouted and released the breath he'd been holding. "I'm not beautiful, Daniel."
"What the fuck," Daniel hissed. His hand found Jihoon's and he slipped his fingers between his. "You're gorgeous, sweetness. Don't ever let me hear you say that again." When the boy remained silent, Daniel groaned and gave his hand a squeeze. "I don't know how to explain this to you. I don't think you'd believe me but I have a list of reasons why you're beautiful-- and this isn't something I just made up on the spot. I really love you for who you are, how pure you are on the inside as you are on the outside."
Suddenly, Jihoon was wrestling himself out of Daniel's hold, refusing to let the older boy catch a glimpse of his face. "God, Daniel, just stop."
"Stop what?" This time, he was sure of it-- Jihoon was crying, and it was breaking his heart.
He tried to catch the boy by the wrists but Jihoon was adamant on facing the other way. At least he wasn't leaving. At least he was still staying. Daniel had enough people walk out of his life that it had become a constant fear plaguing him. That was why he was so averse to breakdowns, why he always found himself running away from situations like these. He wanted to be the one leaving for once, wanted to be the person who wasn't always left behind in the dust, crawling desperately after a loved one. But this was different-- this was Jihoon, and he wasn't going to make the same mistake a second time.
“You can talk to me about it,” Daniel promised desperately, grabbing onto every strand of hope he could find in him, no matter how few there were. He could make this work. I can make it work . “Jihoon please listen to me… ” he whispered, his words rushed, almost blending into one another. “You can talk to me about, you can tell me everything,” he said as convincingly as he could. He was scared. He’d never been this frightened his whole life, not when his parents were going to get divorced, not when his dad locked him up in his room alone without the lights after a round of beating.
He’d never been so terrified of losing something. But again, this was Jihoon, and he was different. Jihoon made him feel things he’d never felt before-- things he didn’t think were possible before. The boy was magic and he made Daniel a child again.
He couldn’t lose him.
And that was why Daniel pulled Jihoon close to his heart in the next second, cradling the boy tightly in his arms, but still visibly careful with his every move. He didn’t want to startle the younger boy in any way.
“Jihoon, please don’t leave me,” he whispered against Jihoon’s hair. “I’m scared,” he confessed. “I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t want you to leave,” he repeated again and again.
“You’re scared of me?” Jihoon managed to say between a series of heavy, heart-wrenching sobs. He sounded surprised.
“You’re the scariest thing to me.”
“A monster,” Jihoon breathed.
“No,” Daniel said firmly, his voice full of assurance. Because it was one of the few things he’d found the answers to after meeting Jihoon. Jihoon had unraveled a lot of mysteries for him, cut him away from the chains that bound him to the ground. Every time he talked to Jihoon, he left feeling a thousand times lighter. Never had he once tried to ask if Jihoon was doing okay. Maybe he had, in the passing, but thought nothing of it.
No, Jihoon could never be a monster.
He was the nicest thing that had ever happened to Daniel. To this world.
“I’m scared of you because you’re the best thing that ever happened to me," he confessed, "I’m scared you might leave and take everything nice away. I’ve never dealt with so much joy and happiness in my life, Jihoon. And you’re both of those things. I’m afraid that one day you’d leave me and I’d never be able to feel those things again. I went through that once, and it was painful. I think you're beautiful, I think you're too good for me and I'm constantly in fear of the idea that one day you'll wake up and realize that you deserve so much more than I can give you.”
“Well then you’re fucking,”-- Jihoon hiccupped and stuttered-- “you’re fucking stupid .”
Jihoon was still crying, and his small frame trembled so pitifully in Daniel’s strong arms. The latter felt every tremor that ran through Jihoon’s body and his heart wavered uncertainly, confused and panicked every time it happened. “You’re the only light I see, and I hope you never go out because the world would be fucking dark without you.” He thumbed away the younger boy’s tears and eventhough fresh ones kept rolling down the sides of Jihoon’s cheeks, he remained patient and kept on brushing them away.
Miracles would show up by themselves just to see Park Jihoon smile again, he knew they would.
"You can't look at me now," Jihoon protested, covering his face with both hands.
"I can listen to you," Daniel said. "I'll listen to you and I'll kiss you and I'll appreciate you even after you feel better-- I'll be here for you."
"Later," Jihoon choked out. "Can we go to bed now? I'm tired."
The older boy nodded, walking over to the bed to collect some pillows, dumping them onto the couch.
"Can you sleep with me?"
It took a while for Daniel to register what he was hearing. "Yeah," he stammered, "yes. Sure." After he laid out some clothes for Jihoon at the foot of the bed, he dug through his drawer for an extra toothbrush and handed it to Jihoon. "The toilet's a little dirty, but it's all Seongwoo's work, I swear." It earned Daniel a small smile. The boy's eyes were still red and swollen but Daniel thought he looked adorable nonetheless. When they both finished cleaning up, Daniel let Jihoon crawl into bed first so he could tuck the boy in under covers. After he was sure Jihoon was comfortable, he slipped under the blankets as well, staring at Jihoon's face contentedly. Dear god, his heart was swelling and beating faster just from looking at him like this. The power Jihoon had over him was undeniable.
"Aren't you tired?" Jihoon asked, keeping his eyes closed.
"No, not really."
"Why?"
"You haven't given me a goodnight kiss yet," he said only half-jokingly.
The younger boy smiled, then huddled closer, straining his neck to plant a small kiss on Daniel's forehead. He places his hands on Daniel's chest, focusing on his fingertips. Daniel's sleep shirt was flannel, and if he really focused, he could feel the muscles beneath shifting and moving along with his hypnotizing breathing pattern. It was a weird thing to be fascinated over, but it calmed Jihoon down effectively. With Daniel's skin warm against Jihoon's hand, it almost felt possible to close his fingers around the older boy's heart.
"Feels like it's in my hand," he murmured.
"Hm?"
"Your heart. It feels like if I close my hands around it now, I could take it out and keep it."
"Jihoon," Daniel called. It took him a few tries to really catch Jihoon's attention. When he was sure Jihoon wasn't going to look away, he told him earnestly, "Jihoon-ah, my heart was already yours to keep in the first place. It had never been mine, and it's going to stay that way." Instead of pulling away shyly like Daniel had expected him to, Jihoon spread out his fingers, eyes widening as Daniel's chest rose steeply. "Feel what you do to me? I look at you and my heart feels like it's going mad, like it's about to run away from me find its rightful owner."
"I really like you," Jihoon whispered. "I'm not going to leave you tomorrow, Daniel, you can trust me on that."
"Okay."
"I really like you, Daniel. You're so warm."
The older boy grinned and hung his head forward so that their breaths intermingled. "I want that on a shirt."
"It's going to take a long time for me to be okay," Jihoon warned him, eyes downcast. "It's going to take time for me to heal completely and love like you do. I don't know if you--"
"I don't care how long it takes, I know you'll be worth the wait. I'll still want you no matter what."
"Say you like me too."
"I love you I love you I love you."
"Record and send that to me. Please. I want to hear it every single day."
Daniel laughed and nudged Jihoon's lips open with his own. "Sweetheart, you don't have to listen to the recording. I'll say it for you myself. Every day, every night, every time we meet." He kissed Jihoon slow and gentle, warm fingers sliding under the boy's shirt. This didn't have to lead anywhere. It was just Daniel wanting to be closer, nearer. "Jihoon, I love you. I love you and I love you and I love you."
-----
"You're glowing," Seongwoo remarked the next morning. Daniel jumped, almost spilling the cup of coffee he held with his two hands. Cursing quietly, he tried to sneak past his friend but was held back. "Put the cup down." Daniel conceded with a sigh and let his head loll back. With two fingers, his friend pulled open his shirt and inspected the area underneath the shirt. "No hickeys. You guys aren't on fucking terms yet?"
"I don't want to rush things with Jihoon," the boy said. "We just made up yesterday night-- wouldn't it be weird if I started to make advances on him right away? Besides, I'm not going to touch him until he asks me to."
Seongwoo snorted and took a sip out of the coffee. "Knowing that stubborn brat, he's never going to make the first move and you're never going to get laid."
Glaring at the older boy, Daniel ignored him and backtracked to the coffee machine to get another cup. "There are way more important things in a relationship that isn't about just sex. Jihoon's more than just a hook-up. He's my boyfriend. If he doesn't want to have sex, then I'm not going to coerce him into doing it-- that's fucked up. Where did you go last night, anyway? You looked pretty nervous," he said, remembering the way Seongwoo flew off in a rush.
"I was meeting up with a friend."
"At such a late hour, sure."
"He had to make sure his roommate wasn't going to ask questions."
"Some secret, shady date you guys had," Daniel scoffed. "Was it fun?"
"Wasn't a date. I told you it was a friend."
He only shrugged, knowing how much that would piss Seongwoo off. Before the latter could break out into a long explanation, he padded back to his room. At the last minute, he turned around and point a finger at the older boy. "Jihoon's still sleeping so don't make too much noise. And when we come out, don't give him a hard time. Be nice and no crude jokes." Before he could get a reply, he slipped behind the partially open door and locked it behind him. Placing the warm drink on the bedside table, Daniel smiled and positioned himself on the bed so that one of his legs was draped around the boy's body and his mouth was on Jihoon's nape.
"I'm not asleep," Jihoon said, chuckling softly.
"Can you at least pretend so I can hug you for a few more minutes?"
When he turned around to face Daniel, Jihoon actually stole away his breath. It was angelic, the way he looked, eyes lidded and mouth falling open, skin glowing from the natural light shining in through the small slit of the curtains. Oh, the things Daniel would sacrifice just to see this every morning. "You can't kiss me now but you can hug me." With Daniel's arms securing him tightly and pulling him close, he had very limited space to stretch. When his arms fell back down, he circled them around the older boy's head and guided it to rest at the hollow of his neck. "I was worried things might be different in the morning."
"Different how?"
"Our feelings, maybe. Sometimes I look back and I wonder why I was stupid enough to think certain things."
"Do you still love me?"
"Yeah, I do," responded Jihoon immediately. He felt Daniel's muscles relax. "Do you?"
"Without a doubt," Daniel replied, just as quick. "Nothing changed. Except we're going to be real annoying from now on. We're going to rub our relationship all over Seongwoo and Samuel's face and announce to the whole campus we're together. I'm going to let the whole world know Park Jihoon is mine, mine, mine," he growled, nudging his nose against Jihoon's collarbone, fueled by the small gasp Jihoon let slip. He would lick it teasingly now if it weren't for the fact that he promised himself he wouldn't act like his dick was doing the thinking. "Isn't it exhausting to be this beautiful all the time?"
The younger guy twirled a strand of Daniel's dark brown hair around his finger. "I'm not."
"I think you're beautiful and you can't convince me otherwise. The evidence is right in front of me, after all."
"Let's dye your hair," Jihoon suggested, changing the topic.
Daniel raised a hand self-consciously to his hair, only to find Jihoon's fingers playing in it. He slipped his hand into Jihoon's and said, "To what color?"
"Black," Jihoon said, eyes twinkling.
"That's boring," Daniel said, his nose wrinkling. "We could make it red or something."
"Really?" The younger boy was pouting, knowing it'd be hard for Daniel to resist. "You look really hot with black hair."
"Well," he grunted, "I guess black looks pretty good on me."
And that, was how he knew he was whipped for Jihoon and was never going to escape.
-----
Telling Sam about his relationship with Daniel went... more smoothly than he imagined it would be. They sat down to have a serious talk for a moment but it ended after they went down for supper at a nearby 7e together, slurping up cup noodles and laughing over stupid things like they haven't done in a long while. It felt good to have his friend back but Jihoon had an inkling things would never go back to the way it was before university. Things had indeed changed but sometimes change can be good, too. After seeing his friend react the way he did to the news, Jihoon wondered why he'd lied about his feelings in the first place. Maybe because he was unsure then, too.
Now, three weeks after the library incident, Guanlin had yet to contact him, which was good news. Sam had been pretty enraged over it when Jihoon told him but the latter made his friend swear he wouldn't do anything stupid. Like sought him out and make him pay.
Sam kept on going out on mysterious dates and while at first Jihoon was a bit salty about it, he soon realized that it gave him more freedom to meet up with Daniel and curl up with the boy in his room. The space intimidated Jihoon at first, but he soon grew familiar with how adult it felt and reintroduced himself to Seongwoo, who agreed that they got off on the wrong foot.
With Daniel's laptop propped on his lap, he was on the couch, typing away as he waited for his boyfriend to return. Last night, he'd ask Daniel what he considered a plot twist.
"Sweetness, I'd love to help but you know I'm not that big a fan of reading," he'd answered sheepishly, refusing to give his opinion. "And it's kind of hard to think when you're in my lap kissing me."
"I can stop," Jihoon threatened, pulling away to let Daniel know he was serious. As he'd expected, Daniel laced his fingers through Jihoon's and sighed.
"Fine, I'll tell you what I think but you can't laugh. It's not going to be a plot twist if it's something I can already expect. Like, for instance, if you're writing a story with a generic plot, everyone knows how it's going to end. What if you write something personal?"
Sucking in his bottom lip, Jihoon huffed, deep in thoughts. "Something personal?"
"I told you my ideas would be stupid, sweetness."
"No, I think you're right," Jihoon mumbled, climbing off the bed to reach for Daniel's laptop. He cast an apologetic look in Daniel's direction. "I'm sorry, Daniel, can we hang out later? I want to write this down before it disappears. Would you mind if I stay here for the night?" At this point, asking that question was almost useless-- Jihoon had been sleeping over at Daniel's four times in the past week. Nothing "big" had happened yet but Jihoon had been itching to ask Daniel if they could...
Jihoon found letting the words flow out of him easier when he was tucked between Daniel's legs and his head was resting on his boyfriend's chest, which explained why he only made half the progress he did last night compared to this morning when Daniel had to go to class. There was just something inspiring about being so close to love.
But he had to admit that writing this piece wasn't easy. It felt like he was hacking off a part of himself each time he was done with a part. He even stopped and considered thrashing the whole thing and starting anew because he was afraid of sharing too much of himself. At the end, though, he decided to go with it. His story was his to tell, and in a way, putting it on paper (in this case, screen) made it easier to bear, his mistakes. Made moving on from his past a little less painful, too.
He looked at the word count and sighed with relief. Maybe a thousand more words and all he had to do was grammar check and tweak it here and there. His fingers were about to return to the keyboard when the door creaked open and Daniel walked on, smiling from ear to ear. He dumped his bag onto the floor and kicked it aside.
"Hi," he said. Jihoon saved his changes and placed the laptop down on the desk gently.
He ambled towards Daniel and stood on his tiptoes to kiss him. "Hi."
"I miss you."
"You were only gone for a few hours."
"I missed you for a few hours." Jihoon stumbled but Daniel caught him in time, taking the opportunity to tug him near. "You're a writer, how would you describe time passing by slower when you're not around, and speeding up when you are. I think the universe is being unfair, don't you?"
Shoving him away, Jihoon smirked and said, "I'm not that kind of writer, but if you want to read dirty fics about us you can always commision Sam. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to entertain your wild ideas about me."
"Really, sweetness, you don't feel like spending more time with me?"
"I don't care about time when you're around-- it's like the world's gone still around us and it's just... us."
"I love it when you're being poetic about us," Daniel sighed, then flopped onto his bed, yanking Jihoon down with him. The boy was busy protesting about how he wasn't being poetic, but it was hard not to zone out when they were touching. It was a jerk move to tune out while your boyfriend's speaking but it was harmless this time, right? Daniel lifted the back of Jihoon's shirt up and with a finger, he traced the moles there and connected them like a constellation. He pecked them gently. "Why are you such a masterpiece? God. This is fucking unfair, how you're so pretty and smart and I love you so much. I want you to be happy," he whispered against Jihoon's smooth skin.
"I am happy."
"Then," he pressed his cheek to Jihoon's back, feeling the curve of his spine as he moved and shifted, "be happier."
-----
At night, Seongwoo left before dinner and Daniel volunteered to do the dishes. Nothing seemed amiss until they returned to the bedroom and Jihoon didn't immediately pull out the laptop to search for movies to watch together. Daniel wasn't complaining though, he was content enough with having Jihoon here.
"It's getting colder lately," Daniel said, "make sure you're wearing more layers, okay?"
"It's warm enough here with you."
Jihoon had been waiting for an opportunity to bring it up for some time now, ever since Sam mentioned it in the passing-- "Are you guys going to do it yet? Or have you already done it?" Jihoon told him the truth, said that they haven't gotten anywhere further than a few intense, heated make out sessions before dismissing the topic entirely. He felt like he was having a deja vu moment all over again, worrying about why Daniel didn't seem to be attracted that way to him.
He figured now was better than never.
"Daniel," he began softly, tugging at Daniel's sleeve, "what are we waiting for?" The older boy closed his eyes. It took a few seconds to pass in silence before Jihoon realized that Daniel wasn't going to answer. Jihoon climbed onto Daniel to catch his attention. "It's not even about sex, it's about you not letting me touch you for more than a few seconds before pushing me away and acting like nothing happened."
"We're touching now, aren't we?" Daniel said, sounding like he was presenting an argument. "We touch and kiss all the time."
"I don't mean that kind of touching," Jihoon growled, frustrated. "I mean hands under shirts and tangled in my hair."
Daniel laughed, "You're into nipple play? Is that what you're trying to imply?"
The younger boy scowled and hit Daniel's chest. "Stop turning this into a joke. Is there something wrong? Is that why you're not letting me--"
"God, no," Daniel cut in, placing his hands on Jihoon's muscular thighs, kneading the flesh gently, alternating between light pinches and pressing down hard in some spots he knew were sensitive. "There's nothing wrong. This what you want?"
"I want this," Jihoon said, closing the distance between them to slot their mouths together, "and more."
Jihoon loved it, loved kissing Daniel with the older boy under him. Loved the way their bodies melted like candle wax, loved the way Daniel kissed with tiny juts at random intervals. His hands worked around Daniel's body, feeling each crevice, every line along his perfect physique as Daniel's hand traveled down the dip of his arched back, fingertips just barely slipping under the material of his pants before they stopped their motion. All flared up with anger, Jihoon broke the kiss and the line of saliva between them thinned before snapping.
"See," he spat, "this is what I was talking about. You're always controlling yourself around me and I hate it. It feels like I'm not a hundred percent with you."
"I promised not to hurt you--"
"You're not going to hurt me by giving me what I want, Daniel," he argued. "You're hurting me by taking it away."
Just liked that, as soon as those words were uttered, something in Daniel snapped and his eyes darkened. He let his hand hover over the curve of Jihoon's ass before slapping down experimentally and squeezing. The action caught Jihoon by surprise and he jolted, rocking down on Daniel's thigh as he clung onto Daniel's shoulders for support. Spanking was something that had never occurred to him as a kink he might like before and he burned with embarrassment from how much he enjoyed the feeling of Daniel's hand on his ass cheek.
"Is this okay, sweetness?" he asked, voice low and gritty like a knife being sharpened. It was all he could do to not start rutting furiously against Daniel's leg, getting off to just the friction and Daniel's voice combined. He nodded and whined, grip tightening.
Jihoon pressed light kisses along the latter’s jawline. Daniel sat back and let him take the lead for the moment, something he’d never done before. "Kiss," he demanded finally. Daniel didn't need him to say it twice.
Daniel kissed him and the world stilled, falling away like the crumbles of a cake. What remained was only the sweetness, the delicious part of being kissed and kissing back. Jihoon had always hated the word, but now he loved it more than any other. Their mouths were both open and desperate, though Daniel obviously had more control and experience guiding the way he let his tongue roll, slide and work deeper and deeper into Jihoon's waiting cavern. Jihoon slid further up his thigh and stopped only when he was certain the heartbeats he was hearing and feeling weren't his own, but his boyfriend's.
His fingers were tangled with the hair at the base of Daniel's neck but it only brought him closer, needier, breathless with want.
The older boy was smart enough to force himself to pull apart so that they could get some air. Unsatisfied, Jihoon decided to rub down hard against his boyfriend daringly.
"C'mon, are you getting old? You're running out of air so quickly," he complained, though he was panting too.
"Are you absolutely sure you're comfortable with this?"
Jihoon rolled his eyes and used both hands to slide Daniel's shirt off him to emphasize how much he wanted it. "I want this," he said seriously, chucking Daniel's shirt away. "I want it more than anything right now."
"Stupid boy, what do you know about want?" Daniel asked as he scanned Jihoon up and down. As the younger boy busied himself with leaving a wet trail of kisses down the column of Daniel's neck, the feeling of the latter's hands gripping either side of his waist held his attention instead. They were veiny and big, the sight of them making Jihoon go dizzy with anticipation, his head swimming with thoughts that were beyond sinful. He wondered what other parts of Daniel's body would be crisscrossed with veins. "Your shirt," Daniel breathed, eyes dark and impatient as he waited for Jihoon to lift up his arms.
Unfortunately for him, that moment never came.
"You're going to make me work for it?" Daniel asked in disbelief, before uttering a gravelly "Fine," that sent waves of shivers down his spine. He flipped their positions so that Daniel was now on top, thighs keeping Jihoon in place. Daniel couldn't think of any other instance where Jihoon looked this ethereal than now-- when Jihoon's breaths were escaping his mouth in hard bursts and sweat beaded on his forehead, hair pushed back and tousled messily. His pupils were blown and his skin was glowing, flushed from all that had happened in the past ten minutes? Fifteen? Fuck, he thought, who the fuck is keeping track at all?
Not to mention how red and swollen his lips were, shiny with spit. Daniel's spit.
"Are you going to fuck me or stare at me until you come in your pants?" Jihoon challenged, eyes twinkling with mirth.
"Should we wait and find out if that's possible?"
"You can take the couch tonight if you do," Jihoon said, rolling his hips so that their crotches met just for a few seconds before he fell back onto the bed. "Be good for me, Daniel, please?"
And because he was Jihoon and Daniel was weak for this boy, he let his head dip and pinched the material of Jihoon's shirt between his teeth, pulling it up so that it revealed Jihoon's body. "Fuck," Daniel hissed as he lifted his head to appreciate the view laid out before him. "You're so damn fucking gorgeous."
Jihoon giggled, the melodic sound inciting Daniel to lurch forward, mapping the indents of Jihoon's breastbone with his tongue. He dragged his bunny teeth over the skin, smiling with satisfaction when Jihoon gasped and whimpered shakily, knees going weak. Jihoon was going to say something, but that something died off into a soft mewl when the tip of Daniel's tongue grazed his nipple and swirled over it. "Shit baby, I didn't think you'd actually be into nipple play."
"You know," Jihoon exhaled, "with me being in this position, it isn't hard for me to knee you in the balls."
"But then we'd have to stop this," Daniel said, voice carrying regret. He licked a fat stripe across the sensitive bud before looking up at Jihoon. "You wouldn't like that, would you?"
There was only a grunt that served as a reply but that was all Daniel needed to hear to urge him to continue. He closed his mouth around it and sucked, nibbling at it gently until Jihoon gave his first, drawn out moan, high-pitched and whiny and whetted Daniel's appetite, cueing his greediness to spike and reach a new high. He wanted to hear more of those, feel Jihoon pressing his chest into Daniel's mouth with those frantic little lewd noises he was making. He wondered if Jihoon knew how obscene he was being. Flicking the pebbled, dusky skin of Jihoon's nipple with his tongue, he relished in yet another moan torn from Jihoon's throat, this one louder than the last. Daniel felt sorry Seongwoo wasn't here to hear the sound echoing throughout the house.
Moving on from his nipple, Daniel let his eyes and mouth rove everywhere, committing all his sensitive spots to memory so he could use all those information in future situations that might require them to come in handy.
Fingers working and tugging off Jihoon's pants quickly, Daniel licked his lips at the sight of the tent in the front of Jihoon's boxers. He couldn't help it-- his hand moved on its own accord, settling over the boner to palm it roughly, dark eyes set on Jihoon's red face as he gauged for a reaction. As expected, he didn't have to wait long before Jihoon stared writhing and thrashing beneath him, crying out loud from the feeling exploding down south.
"Jesus, baby, is this your first time?" Daniel smiled, tongue skimming over the small hollow where his belly button was. "You're so sensitive for me."
He felt jealousy driving his heart to pump faster when Jihoon pointedly ignored the question, but he pushed the thought to the back of his mind. He could ask about it later, and only if Jihoon was willing to share that part of his life with Daniel. Now, he was going to make Jihoon experience pleasure like he'd never known and make the impression last long enough to lead to a second time.
Jihoon lifted his hips off the bed so that it was easier for Daniel to slide his boxers off, slowly revealing inch after inch of strong thighs and toned calves. And of course, his cock sprang free, precome already pooling at the tip, flushed red with stimulation. There was something about the way Jihoon was now almost naked and spread-eagle on his bed that made him want nothing more than to wreck Jihoon's body and ruin him. His mouth was watering and if he opened it now, he was certain a dribble of drool would fall out.
He moved to remove Jihoon's shirt, too, when a hand stopped him before he could go any further. Immediately, he slipped out of his haze and worry furrowed his eyebrows together. "Did I hurt you? Do you want to stop?" he fretted, lifting his hands off of Jihoon's body.
"--fucking stupid," Jihoon was mumbling, "I just wanted to ask you if I can keep the shirt on."
Slowly, Daniel's mouth twisted into a wicked smirk as he curved his body over Jihoon to whisper into his ear, "You're such a kinky boy, sweet angel, I had no idea you were into this kind of thing. Want to get fucked while you're still half dressed?" Jihoon nodded, already stupid with lust flooding his head and small bursts of pleasure exploding where Daniel's hands touched. "Okay, sweetness. You're being such a good boy for me."
At the praise, Jihoon let out a keen moan and a broken cry of "Daniel" was hanging on his lips while his eyes welled up with tears, hips bucking up and cock twitching. "Please touch me, Daniel," he begged, "pleasepleaseplease."
Daniel wanted to make Jihoon wait and beg for it, but he decided to take pity on Jihoon and give him what he wanted. He wrapped a hand around Jihoon's cock, smiling at how only the tip was visible. He heard Jihoon sigh with relief right away, but when Daniel looked at the boy, his noted how Jihoon's skin was practically burning, blushing red from head to toe. Every time Daniel pumped his hand, Jihoon would inhale suddenly, sharply, before jerking his hips into Daniel's warmth involuntarily.
Jihoon was scared, anxious, but this was the one time he was doing it when he wanted to and something about having Daniel right here, with him, quelled a little bit of that unease. His skin was electric, and every brush of Daniel's rough fingerpads, every praise he uttered to keep Jihoon going, made him feel like he would short-circuit.
The older boy smirked, running his knuckles along Jihoon's length, enraptured by the way Jihoon reacted wildly to every move he made. He'd never seen anything more beautiful. "Sweetness, you're doing so well for me," he assured the boy, "You're so, so perfect." He'd said the same thing before, but he'd do it over and over again until Jihoon started to believe that he wasn't ugly, too.
With longer, faster strokes, Daniel got Jihoon where he wanted in no time-- fucking back into Daniel's hand erratically, eyes closed with tears squeezed out the corners, mouth open and so damn inviting. Daniel closed his mouth over Jihoon's, silencing the boy's noises with a kiss. He released Jihoon's weeping cock from his grasp and immediately, Jihoon was trying to obtain more friction by rubbing it against Daniel's clothed groin, though the latter denied him that pleasure and ignored Jihoon's cries of dissent.
"Take it off," Jihoon said, a little out of breath.
Daniel obliged-- it was getting painful with his growing boner straining at the denim. He stood back and fumbled with the button, pulling down the zipper as quickly as he could. The jeans slid off easily, and he was suddenly glad he hadn't gone for one of his cartoon-printed boxers this morning. He got rid of his boxers quickly, and a smirk tugged the corners of his lips upwards when he saw Jihoon's jaw dropping.
"Enjoying the show?" he teased.
Jihoon frowned and tore his eyes away from the sight. "God, I hate it when you're being cocky."
"That's," Daniel crawled back onto the bed and hovered over Jihoon, "a really interesting choice of words." He leaned over to the bedside table and pulled out the drawer, taking the bottle of lube and a foil packet from the stack he had stashed in there. "I'm going to ask you one more time--"
"Kang Daniel," Jihoon spat, "if you don't fuck me tonight I'm going to go find someone else who will." He wouldn't, of course he wouldn't. But the words did their job well, and now Daniel was all riled up, mouth pressed into a thin line as he poured out too much of the lube onto his palm. He rubbed his hands together first, warming the gel up, before he pried Jihoon's legs apart and took in a deep breath at the sight of Jihoon's entrance awaiting him. He lowered the lube-slicked finger near Jihoon's hole, then slowly inserted it, sucking in some air when he realized how tight the boy was. Jihoon shuddered and whimpered, then threw his arms up to cover his face in embarrassment. "I'm not made of glass, Daniel, one finger isn't going to break me."
"This okay?" Daniel asked carefully, ignoring Jihoon's jab.
"Yes. Move."
Daniel pulled his finger all the way out before sinking it back to the knuckle, biting his lip as Jihoon clenched around it. He kept repeating the motion until he was setting a slow but steady pace and Jihoon's body was no longer coiled. With a nod of confirmation from Jihoon, Daniel took the hint and circled the second finger around Jihoon's rim while leaving kisses along the underside of his boyfriend's cock. While Jihoon was distracted, he pushed the second one in, and this time, it took Jihoon longer to adjust. Daniel's fingers were long, and they were thick, and having them fit snugly inside his hole was a foreign feeling he couldn't get used to at once. There was a dull sting at the base of his spine that bloomed, causing him to arch his back wildly. Daniel caught on quickly enough and used his other hand to massage Jihoon's thigh while he took Jihoon's cock into his mouth.
Teeth grazing over the sensitive skin at the base of Jihoon's length, the sensation overwhelmed him and he bucked his hips, thrusting into Daniel's mouth, which in turn made the latter choke and sputter for a bit.
"I'm sorry," Jihoon fumbled to say, but Daniel hummed reassuringly around Jihoon's girth and sent a fresh wave of pleasure traveling down his dick, making his legs tremble uncontrollably. With his tongue digging into Jihoon's slit, he barely gave the boy any time to recover before he was crying out again, gasping and moaning and chasing the heat pooling at the base of his stomach.
Then Daniel pulled away with a 'pop' and withdrew all the bliss and Jihoon's eyes flew open, realizing that Daniel had already started moving his fingers. He was hooking them inside Jihoon, and while it was starting to sting again, the feeling of Daniel pressing hard against his prostate canceled out the pain immediately. Jihoon's spine bowed off the bed and two fingers turned to three.
Daniel was really thorough about prepping Jihoon properly, and the skilled way in which he scissored Jihoon and scraped against his inner walls had Jihoon shoving back, trying to fuck himself on Daniel's fingers.
"Be patient for me, sunshine," Daniel growled, "We're almost done."
Frustration clawed at Jihoon's chest, because he wanted to hear Daniel's moans too, but the older boy had him trapped and bound under his gaze.
"I'm ready!" Jihoon cried, "Please, hyung, I'm ready."
Maybe it was the fact that Jihoon called him hyung that made the fingers disappear instantly, leaving Jihoon's hole fluttering and clenching around the phantom feel of Daniel's fingers. Daniel compensated for the loss of sensation by tearing open the condom wrapper with his teeth and rolling it onto his dick.
"Can't you take me without?" Jihoon choked, "I wa-wanna... feel you."
Daniel didn't reply, only moved to hook Jihoon's legs over his elbows and rolling his hips forward to press the head teasingly against Jihoon's hole. He'd poured too much lube earlier and now, it was already trickling out, but Daniel wanted to make sure it was as easy as possible for Jihoon to adjust.
"You're so big, hyung, wanna feel it inside me," Jihoon said, spurring Daniel on.
"Sweetness, I didn't know you were such a dirty talker."
"Well," Jihoon licked his lips, "now you know I am, and I want you to fuck me."
It seemed to do the trick because, in the next second, he could feel Daniel slowly ease himself into Jihoon, the latter's nails sinking into Daniel's back as he entered inch by inch. Jihoon felt like he was being torn apart, but he could feel Daniel filling him up so good, and his vision became blurry with tears, but every other sensation was heightened and god, he'd been waiting for this for so long. With a grunt, Daniel slid home and he was fully seated in the younger boy, all the way up to the hilt.
"Wait," Jihoon breathed shakily, and Daniel obeyed, granting him some time to adjust to the feeling. Finally, he squeezed down on Daniel and said, "Move."
Daniel drew back leisurely, careful not to make any sudden movements though all he wanted to do was pound Jihoon's ass-- he'd never felt so good being in someone before. His eyes were trained on where his cock was stretching Jihoon to the fullest, letting out a strained breath at how Jihoon was letting out all these needy little whimpers, begging for Daniel to start thrusting. There was a rumble in his chest, then he started moving at a languid pace, and after a few gentle thrusts, Daniel's hips rolled and he hit Jihoon's sweet spot with deadly accuracy.
And then he slammed in once, gauging Jihoon's reaction to see if that was okay. It was more than okay, and there were tears of pleasure streaming down his face as he screamed out Daniel's name like a prayer to hold on to dear life. Sinking his thumbs into the delicious curve of Jihoon's waist, Daniel started increasing his pace and thrusting back into Jihoon with brutal force. All Jihoon could do was claw at Daniel's back, hiding his face in the crook of his boyfriend's neck and biting down on the skin there.
With each thrust, Jihoon's body shook and his cock bounced up, tip meeting the hard plane of Daniel's sculpted torso. The friction proved to be too much for Jihoon, because he was already close. He would be blushing if he weren't being fucked so good, his brain could hardly function anymore.
His breath fluttered and his hips started moving, too, to meet every jerk of Daniel's hips. As his back arched for the nth time since they started, his head fell back onto the pillow and he gasped for air, feeling exhilarated. Daniel lowered his head and all of a sudden, his hot breath was fanning over across Jihoon's sweat-slicked skin, prompting the boy to loll his head to one side to allow him better access.
He was being driven to the edge at an alarming speed and he liked this, loved the rush, the feel of Daniel's lips on his neck and his cock slamming home after each time he pulled out all the way to the tip, how Daniel was still taking care of him and making sure he was okay.
He felt so loved, and it suddenly hit him that this was what he'd waited three years for-- to feel loved by Daniel, and to freely reciprocate that love without pushing each other away again.
Jihoon circled his arms around Daniel's neck and pulled himself up to admire the long red scores decorating the expanse of Daniel's back, dancing as the older boy's muscles shifted and pulled in his efforts to chase the spot that had Jihoon hiccuping with pleasure. He took joy in the fact that the scars would be there for a while until they faded away, marking Daniel as his own and no one else.
Kang Daniel is mine, he wanted to scream. He was Daniel's, as much as Daniel was his.
"I-I'm--" he sobbed, unable to finish his sentence as Daniel gave him a particularly hard thrust to his spot.
"Come on sweetness," Daniel rasped against his collarbone, "do it."
A series of staccato moans spilled out of Jihoon's mouth, each one higher-pitched and louder than the last as Daniel brought him closer and closer to climax. Then his body spasmed, vision going white as Daniel fucked him through his orgasm, the rolling and bucking of his hips not slowing down as he chased his own. Jihoon's cock shot hot, white ribbons all over his stomach and Daniel's, the sticky goo becoming messier as he writhed in Daniel's hold, crying out from overstimulation, riding on the waves of his orgasm.
It didn't take long before Daniel came, too, into the condom. He rolled his hips gently for a few more times before he pressed his forehead to Jihoon's, slumped over on his boyfriend with a snarl. Tears stained Jihoon's cheeks as he struggled to catch his breath in the last few seconds of his orgasm.
"Fuck," he breathed, the word tapering off into a tired whimper. He felt Daniel beginning to pull out so he held onto the older boy's arm and shook his head. "Stay with me for a while. Like this."
Daniel shot him a questioning gaze but he conceded, resting inside Jihoon during the period in which they cooled down. "Jihoon, you're so amazing."
"I know, right?" he asked, then laughed as Daniel smacked his ass lightly.
"Let's get you cleaned up," Daniel said as he pulled out, drawing a loud whine of protest from Jihoon. He sat up, tied the used condom and discarded it into the trash can. Grabbing a towel from his drawer, he disappeared into the bathroom for a minute to wet the cloth with warm water. When he returned. Jihoon was still all splayed out on the bed, eyes fixed on the window that showed the stars outside. Gently, Daniel hummed and moved Jihoon's legs apart so he could clean up the mess between. Seeing Jihoon's hole overflowing with his come, almost made Daniel aroused again but he pushed the thought aside for Jihoon's sake.
He tenderly wiped away the mess and moved on to Jihoon's stomach.
Once he was satisfied with his work, he threw the dirty towel into the sink and kept the water running. He joined Jihoon back in the bed. "We have to shower before sleeping, you know."
Jihoon rolled his eyes and snorted. "I'm not dirty enough to assume we can go to sleep otherwise."
"But for now," Daniel said, settling the heavy blankets over their bare bodies, "we can stargaze."
Silence engulfed them but it kept both of them content. Daniel's eyes were skyward, but his heart was with Jihoon, and Jihoon only. They were holding hands under the covers.
"I love you so much," he blurted, then regretted his decision to say it when he felt Jihoon tense up beside him. "I'm sorry," he rushed. "I'm sorry. Pretend I didn't say that."
He ruined it. I ruined it.
Beside him, Jihoon turned to look at him and flicked his forehead. "I think hearing you say that was worth three years of pining and waiting and hurting. Daniel, however idiotic you are, I love you too and I hope you know that."
-----
After showering together (half an hour of agonizing pain while he restrained himself), Daniel put Jihoon in his clothes and they were back on the bed, with Jihoon straddling his thighs, but not necessarily in a sexual way. He had his head buried in the crook of Daniel's neck and his boyfriend was rubbing patterns soothingly onto his back, all the while whispering to the younger boy that he did well.
Jihoon carded his fingers through Daniel's hair and smiled. They'd just dyed it last week, and the sight of silver moonlight catching on the ebony waves of Daniel's hair was a pretty one.
“I like you with black hair,” Jihoon whispered against his boyfriend’s mouth, his hands getting tangled in Daniel’s hair. “I like you like this… mine.”
Daniel couldn’t stop smiling. His mouth hurt. “Yeah? You like me?” he asked when Jihoon leaned back for a short break. Jihoon stared at him with a faint smile playing on his lips and not for the first time since they met, Daniel was completely convinced that Jihoon had actual stars in his eyes. Or maybe they were just so clear and wide they could reflect like a mirror. Jihoon shone, and when he was around, he lit the entire room up like it was nothing. Nothing.
Sometimes Daniel had an urge to ask Jihoon if it was tiring, giving out so much life to the people around him.
Jihoon sparkled, and he was magic.
He was all Daniel could see.
"You like me?" he asked again, the smile growing wider, his teeth peeking out.
"God, you have no idea," Jihoon breathed out. "I like you so fucking much."
"Well, I love you." Daniel didn't have to stretch too far to place a chaste kiss on Jihoon's plump lips. "So I think I win."
Jihoon scowled, and Daniel's heart clenched at the familiar sight. In Jihoon's eyes, he saw hundreds, thousands, millions of memories with the boy. Most of them weren't good, most of them were of their short, fleeting and painful juvenile relationship in high school, but now, Daniel thought it might be better not to forget those. One day, he'd be able to look back on those days not to change courses or remake decisions, but to relieve some moments and rewalk the path that led him straight to this day. The day they made history in the book of Park Jihoon and Kang Daniel. With his thumb, he traced the outline of Jihoon's mouth until he managed to smoothen out the lines, iron out the scowl.
"You're a star, Park Jihoon, the light and joy of my life."
"I don't want to be a star."
That took Daniel aback, and so he asked why.
"They're so far away... And I'm right here. I'm right here, and all you have to do is hold my hand and ask me to stay because you know I will."
The universe was so flooded with stars, and it was a funny concept to Daniel that people believed that there might be a few, alternate ones where they lived different lives, worked different jobs, loved different people. But even if there were multiple universes, to Daniel, this was the only one that mattered.
"Park Jihoon, stay with me forever?"
"I'll stay with you forever for as long as you remain by my side."
"Good," he beamed, "because I'm never leaving."
I wanna let him take control.