Chapter Text
America felt different, was different from the first 23 years of Jonghyun’s life he had spent in Korea. Or maybe it felt like the years before Jonghyun pronounced, when there wasn’t the constant threat of what he was hanging over his head. It was hard to let go of the fear which had ruled him most of his life, but knowing his nightmares held their roots in the past rather than the present, and that when he opened his eyes he would be safe, that there weren’t government agents searching the streets of L.A. for people like him as they had in Korea, gave him more relief than he could quantify.
America was also strange place. He tried hard every day but the language came slow. Luckily, he had found work at a Korean-owned laundromat where that wasn’t usually a problem. At first L.A. had seemed like somewhere easy to get lost in, but gradually it had become more and more familiar. Perhaps it would never be as familiar to him as Busan or Gangneung, but it had definitely become more like home than when they had first arrived. Sometimes he still did get lost in L.A, but he always managed to find his way back home. Back to Minhyun.
*
“Uncle said we can close for the day.”
It was late afternoon on a Wednesday at the laundromat, and business had been slow all week.
“Okay, thanks Kyla.” Jonghyun stood up and when to the back things. “Bye!”
As he waited for the bus, he wondered idly what they would cook for dinner that night. In Korea, they had often gotten takeout, but in America, Minhyun was no longer inexhaustibly wealthy so they had learned to be more frugal.
Jonghyun was unsurprised to see that Minhyun was home before him; this was usually the case as Minhyun’s work was closer to their apartment. What did surprise him was the way Minhyun rushed to him as soon as he heard the door opening and swept him up for a kiss. Jonghyun knew that he shouldn’t be surprised by it by now, but despite himself he was. His eyes would go wide with shock for a moment, then he would get ahold of himself, softening in Minhyun’s arms and letting his eyelids drop as he leaned into the kiss. Jonghyun liked the warmth of Minhyun’s arms and the heat of his lips, yet there was still something in the back of his mind that whispered you can’t! at each romantic gesture. It was the same thing feeling he had had as a newly pronounced teenager when he saw romantic plots in movies and novels, and whenever someone attractive caught his eye. The part of him that had reminded himself that an intimacy might let slip the secret that would destroy him. Now there were no more secrets, but the instinct to protect them still remained.
“How was your day?” Minhyun asked upon pulling back.
“It was good.” Jonghyun answered. “Business was slow today, so I helped Kyla with her homework when she came back from school.” Kyla was his boss’ niece, who often came by the laundromat in the afternoon when she was done with school and on the weekends, often to ask for help on her Korean homework. She was a sweet girl, so Jonghyun was always happy to help.
“That’s nice of you.” Minhyun smiled, leaning in again to give Jonghyun a light peck. “Are you hungry? I got groceries on my way home.”
Jonghyun nodded and leaned in for one more kiss before following Minhyun to the kitchen to work on dinner.
*
“Aron sent me something interesting today.” Minhyun told Jonghyun as they ate. “Take a look.”
Jonghyun took Minhyun’s phone and glanced down to read the title of the article on the screen.
The Birth of a Democracy: Koreans Lay the Foundation of a New Government
“Maybe we’ll be able to go back and visit in a few years.” Minhyun suggested, taking Jonghyun’s hand in his across the table. “To see your family.”
“Yeah.”Jonghyun nodded. In the chaos that had been the revolution they hadn’t been able to get through to contact anyone since leaving the country. “I’d like that.” He leaned across the table to give Minhyun a light kiss, lingering in it longer when he felt Minhyun smiling against his lips.
Korea had been in the news frequently over the last year. Sometimes Jonghyun found himself desperate to try and decipher what the English language news had to say about the state of the country they had fled, engrossed in the Korean news articles he could find on the subject. But other times he found himself wanting to move away from his old country and focus on the new life he and Minhyun were building together.
It had felt awkward and unnatural the first few weeks after he had told Minhyun he wanted to stay mates. Jonghyun hadn’t been able to help flinching back from nearly every affectionate gesture Minhyun had tried to give him. Minhyun had said nothing, but it would’ve been hard to miss the disappointment that crossed his face every time Jonghyun moved out of range of his lips or quickly let go of his hand. Jonghyun could only hope that their nights together had made up for it.
All alone in a strange country, Jonghyun’s mind would wander at night. The uncertainness of their future, the hardships and turmoil they had left behind in Korea, and most of all the fear that was so hard to convince himself was unnecessary, lingered in Jonghyun’s mind as he lay in his bed at night. During those times, it was a welcome respite to cling to something familiar. Cling to Minhyun. It had been the second week in their new apartment when Jonghyun had first left his own room to stay with Minhyun for the night instead. Wordlessly, he had slipped under the covers next to Minhyun. He had felt Minhyun tense beside him, as if he was holding his breath. After a few long moments of silence and stillness, Jonghyun had scooted closer and tentatively wrapped an arm around Minhyun’s waist, feeling the tension slowly seep out of Minhyun’s frame. It had been the best sleep Jonghyun had had in recent memory, so he had kept coming back.
The intimacy thing had gotten easier as Jonghyun had gotten back on suppressants. With his omega hormones held at bay, he wasn’t so uncomfortably aware of the tang in Minhyun’s scent that denoted alpha. Everything was muted, so when he breathed in as he was snuggled against Minhyun’s chest there was no alpha smell, only Minhyun. During the first few days after the suppressants had kicked in the absence of his former hyper awareness of scents had bothered him. The lack of scents he had been on constant alert for had made him feel unguarded, but slowly he had come to recognize what a blessing it was to be unable to smell the scents that still made him jump in terror. He no longer flinched back from any strange alpha that passed him on the street, the scent that in the back of his mind still signaled him to run and hide was gone.
Even more relieving was the knowledge that no one would take the suppressants away from him ever again. He would never have to endure another heat unless he choose to. The memory of his one and only heat was foggy, a blurring mix of discomfort, hotness, and the feeling of losing control of his own will; the sickening sweetness of his own heat scent and the sharp tang of Minhyun’s alpha scent a room away. His mind racing into dangerous territory, feeling unable to stop the primal urge for something he didn’t really want. Jonghyun didn’t think he’d ever be ready to experience that again, at least not in the foreseeable future. There was too much fear associated with that memory.
For now, Jonghyun was content with the feeling of Minhyun’s lips against his, the comfort of having someone to hold onto in the nights when bad dreams blended the past into the present. He was learning to like the twinge of electricity when Minhyun’s hand unexpectedly found his. Instead for jumping or freezing in shock, he was giggling when he felt Minhyun’s arms come out of nowhere to encircle his waist from behind and melting into them. Maybe he still wasn’t good at accepting affection, but he was learning. It might never be perfect, but it was okay. They were okay.