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STAGE SEVEN: ACCEPTANCE AND HOPE
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
While Veronica still misses her dad, gone are the days where she feels like she is floating through life: where nothing matters, yet every detail is significant. She still has days where the heartache is so debilitating that she has trouble getting out of bed, but those days are rare-- the sometimes has finally turned into “occasionally.” She’s figured out how to function with the constant ache. Apparently this is what healing looks like (she may have glanced at the pamphlet Ms. James left her).
Her heart breaks a little when, at the end of Junior year, she realizes she is only going to apply to colleges within a two hour radius of home. Which leaves Stanford out. Changing her life plan, the plan she and her father discussed countless times, is sad but it’s something Veronica feels is necessary. She’s lost too much at this point to leave Mac and Wallace, and they have their minds set on Hearst.
Leaving Logan will never be an option, they’ve already agreed to attend the same school, so that’s one less thing to worry about. At least their priorities are aligned. That took some work.
Things go pretty well until right before the end of Junior year. Classes are winding down, but with less time needed to devote to homework they have a difference of opinion on what they should do with their summer break. Veronica wants to add more hours to her work schedule and continue to visit colleges. She has been a mini-adult since the first time her mother left—working, paying bills, making meals—and so, in her mind, with zero “adults” in the house, they have even more of an obligation to buckle down.
For Logan, he says that when he lost his mom it wasn’t like he lost a responsible parent he feels the need to replace, and losing Aaron means freedom. Logan says he wants to go to the zoo, blow off work (her work) and get ice cream at Amy’s. He wants to go to Mexico (“or Fiji or Tahiti. Come on, Veronica”).
When on their Junior class trip his “need to be free” lands him in the security office at Magic Mountain—sitting sullenly in chair, a Versace duffle bag of beer by his feet—she is furious. One cancelled Junior prom later and she knows she has to capitulate or they are going to have some serious problems. She she compromises on a summer vacation in Italy.
Once they return from three weeks of sun-soaked sex and truly incredible food, she’s willing to admit that comprise isn’t all bad. Logan even agrees to go on more college visits with her. It takes conscious effort on their parts but they’re figuring things out.
At the start of Senior year, Duncan Kane knocks on their door; and, when they open it, thrusts an open shoe box filled with video camera cassette tapes at Logan. Glancing briefly at Veronica, Duncan flatly explains that they were converting Lilly’s room into a nursery for the soon-to-arrive Manning/Kane baby when he remembered Lilly’s favorite hiding place. Finding tapes clearly marked “Echolls/Kane” he “obviously” assumed they were sex tapes, and dumped them in a box for Logan.
“Thanks, man,” Logan mutters with a nod and closes the door as Duncan walks away. They may have been best friends, but that was a long time ago. These days, they barely speak; that exchange was pretty much the extent of their civility—Duncan’s detached attitude being the main reason for their estrangement. As Logan put it, “Hard to have an actual conversation with a zombie.” From what she has witnessed, Veronica can’t help but agree. How Duncan managed to get “excited” enough to father a child is beyond her.
Still standing in the foyer, Logan hands the box to Veronica, “Lilly and I never made a sex tape.”
10 minutes, and one fist through a wall, later, they are contemplating their options. Both are pretty sure they know what happened, and Able Koonz killing Lilly Kane isn’t it.
In the end, they decide to let the truth lie. Able passed away in jail, not too long after Veronica’s father’s funeral, making everyone directly involved dead. The siren, the malicious lover, the patsy, even the righteous Sheriff—all gone. Advertising the truth would only open old wounds and renew media attention. The Kanes are satisfied with the answers they have; and, truthfully, Veronica and Logan are not willing to risk the peace they fought and scrapped for.
That night, the tapes go into the fireplace, along with the Lilly Kane Murder Files Veronica removed from her dad’s closet before they moved. She always meant to go back over the case, but her own grief sidetracked her. Now, at least, she has answers. Veronica’s head rests on Logan’s shoulder as they watch the flames.
She thinks it’s cathartic, and pretty, watching the fire swell as it eats the proof of their traumatized past. She finds herself vaguely wishing for some marshmallows to roast.
The rest of Senior year is pretty uneventful. Veronica and Logan have found a, mostly, agreeable balance of work and play. Veronica is feeling engaged, connected to the world. She even agreed to go Senior prom. Like, actual prom, not limo prom. She thought for sure that it would be cancelled, but it seems that without Logan leading the ‘09er debauchery charge, Senior prom is a go.
On the big night, Veronica takes one last look in the mirror, smoothing her hands down her hips, trailing her fingers over her intricate updo. The wide, open neckline of the dress and the circlet of braids in her hair are a nod to this year’s Camelot prom theme.
The rest is all Lilly. Or-- it’s Lilly’s Veronica Mars ; the Veronica that Lilly recognized as a kindred spirit all the way back in second grade. The sheer bodice of the dress has precisely placed silver embellishments that clearly emphasize her peak braless years. The shimmering champagne colored skirt is a lush step up from yellow cotton.
Veronica has made her peace with Lilly, and knows that her incorrigible best friend would be proud. Dad would be proud, too.
She walks down the floating staircase into the kitchen where Logan is expertly leaning against the marble island. He’s decked out in a gray tux with black trim. God, he looks good.
Her braless years must be working for her, because there’s a hungry look on his face that has her running some mental calculations. Adding in the time it would take to redress and freshen up, she concludes that it just won’t work. Usually she’d be willing to risk it, but their limo is picking up 3 other couples, including Logan’s new friend Norris Clayton—she’s not sure how that happened—and his date. Looks like she is just going to have to be responsible girl. Veronica’s conclusion must show on her face because Logan pouts (the lip almost breaks her) before taking her hand.
“Milady,” he bows with a flourish, raising her fingers to his mouth. His lips linger on her skin, his teeth take a tiny, shallow nip at the tip of her knuckle and his tongue laps out to soothe it. Her breath shudders out. That did it. They’re going to be late.
On their way back up the stairs he says with faux meekness, “Just please, watch the hair.”
Jackass.
A year into college, Veronica decides to change her major. Logan firmly believes that people rarely get jobs related to their field of study (his mom’s publicist majored in Biology, of all things) and recently he has been urging her to have fun with her classes. He says they deserve a little fun. Logan is majoring in English, with a concentration in Irish Literature (he inherited his mother’s love of James Joyce), and minoring in Economics.
As for her, she bumps her Criminology major down to a minor to focus on Photojournalism. Hearst doesn’t offer a formal Photojournalism major, so she will have to double major in Photography and Journalism. Another deviation from the Daddy/Daughter Life Plan, but one she hopes would be Keith Mars-approved.
When Logan proposes, the “Yes” pops out before she even realizes she said it. Maybe in another life she would have been more cynical; taken more time to think. But the worst thing has already happened to her, and Logan has been her rock ever since. He’s already family, the ring is just a formality.
A few days later, they are at weekly Thursday Night Trivia with Mac, Wallace, Parker and Piz. Veronica is “subtly” waving her left hand around, using it to drink, eat, and gesture. She’s wondering if she can figure out how to write left-handed as well when Mac squeals, “You’re engaged!”
Finally .
“Who, me?” Veronica asks coyly, placing her left palm on her own chest dramatically.
“Aren’t you married already?” Piz cuts in affably, which Veronica reads as snide. It’s not his fault really. It’s just that he’s a Nice Guy™; and, in her experience, no one is that benign. Nice Guys™ turn into Zombies™ and then knock up Disney princesses. Still waters are just puddles over mud.
“No Piz, we’re not married,” Veronica answers dismissively, catching Logan suppressing a grin as she turns back to Mac.
They’re watching the sunset over the water from their raised patio, quietly sipping glasses of wine.
“Here. A graduation gift.” Logan slides a large red bow towards her.
“A bow? You got me a bow? How did you guess?”
“Open it, smarty pants.”
She flips it over. “A key? For what?”
He taps the top of the small metal key. Scrutinizing it, she notices a tiny Mars Investigations logo etched there. Her eyes widen.
“What did you…. You bought the building, didn’t you?”
“Yup!”
“Do you do anything normal? And how did I not know about this?”
“Do you do anything normal? And, it was surprise. You know what a surprise is don’t you?” He taps her nose with his index finger. “I was going to give it to you at high school graduation, but it seemed too soon. Then I thought maybe your birthday or Christmas, but the timing never felt right. We’re graduating college soon and I figured you should have it.”
He then adds in a rush, “You don’t have to reopen Mars Investigations. You rarely use your PI license now anyway. You can make the place a space to write, or use it as a photo studio. I just want you to know it’s there.”
Veronica wants to go to have a simple ceremony in the courthouse. Logan keeps insisting that the courthouse will give him a rash. They compromise on a small ceremony on the beach in front of their house, with a larger (fancier) reception inside.
Logan takes full responsibility for the reception and, as usual, goes overboard. He wants caterers, he wants a band, he wants rose-gold gilded cutlery, he wants ( ugh ) centerpieces. And she wants him happy. So she throws open the accordion glass door between the living room and the patio and let’s Marie Danielle, the event planner to the wealthy, go to work.
Veronica even keeps the eye rolling to a minimum. And maybe, just maybe, there’s a bit of Pink Veronica left in her, because she gets a little misty when she sees the finished product, stupid centerpieces and all.
When the three price orchestra starts the opening strains of “Moon River,” Veronica walks herself down the flower-strewn aisle, her head held high. Despite offers from Cliff, Wallace, Vinnie, and even Logan, she has decided that if Keith Mars can’t walk beside her, no one will. She’s strong and she’s sure. She may be dressed like Barbie, but she’s Daddy’s Little Action Figure through and through.
Marching slowing towards the arbor, that Logan insisted on having custom made, Veronica sees Dick and Norris standing to one side, looking indifferent and nervous respectively. Mac stands on the bridal side with Wallace, who is decked out in a suit matching the groomsmen-- he absolutely refused to wear the darling little Art Deco, rose-colored number she picked out. And there, in the center, is Logan, the man she’s been walking towards since she was 12.
Veronica gets to the end of the aisle and waits. Logan is supposed to go to her, kiss her cheek, and take her hand. Then they are supposed to walk the final steps together to stand in front of the judge. They practiced this. Yesterday.
But Logan is just staring at her with a schmoopy look on his face, and he’s not moving. The music starts over again and he still hasn’t moved.
She makes aggressive eye-contact, willing him to remember his part.
He smiles softly at her.
Finally, she tilts her head to the right and jerks it back, over her shoulder, in a “get over here” gesture. That snaps him out of it.
The reception isn’t as bad as she thought it might be. Everyone keeps calling her Mrs. Echolls and that weirds her out, but she’s having a good time. And she feels good. Really good.
They’ve been living together for years, Logan always introduces her as “the missus,” so she didn’t expect to feel any different. She was set on the courthouse because she was convinced that it was just a piece of paper. But she surprises herself-- this feels permanent. Binding. Unalterable. Like family.
By the end of the reception Veronica’s smile is strained, and she is losing her patience. She had balked at hiring a photographer (“I’m a photographer. I don’t need someone else taking pictures of my wedding”) and is already regretting giving in. They are posing for their thousandth picture when Logan leans down and whispers in her ear, “Relax Sugarpus, it’s for the kids.”
Kids?!?
They name their son Anthony Keith, after the famed Padres right-fielder, Anthony Keith Gwynn Sr., also known as “Mr. Padres.” They see the shared name, “Keith,” as a fortuitous bonus, a fitting tribute that Keith Mars would get a kick out of.
It takes longer to settle on a name for their second child, a girl. Veronica’s rule of “no ex-girlfriends, no ex-hook-ups” leaves Logan oddly silent. Apparently the time between Lilly and her was prolific. She’s running out of name suggestions (and every veto is pissing her off) when he suggests Joyce—Joy for short. She thinks his mom would get a kick out of it.
Tony and Joy are… well, they’re certainly the products of Logan Echolls and Veronica Mars. So Veronica and Logan are not surprised when they get called into the principal's office (again) two months into Joy’s freshman year.
Their heated debate on what could have happened this time turns into an impromptu makeout session in the Neptune High parking lot, and they’re running late for their meeting with Principal Clemmons.
They end up jogging down the hall to make up a little time. They’re almost at the door to the Principal’s office when they overhear the nasal voice of the receptionist question, “And where is your family, Miss Echolls?”
Moving a little faster Veronica and Logan rush through the door.
“We’re here!” Veronica calls out.
“They’re my family,” Joy adds, pointing and shaking her head at her clearly flustered, and disheveled, parents.
Veronica looks at Logan with a knowing smile.
They found a way forward, together.