Chapter Text
***Valentine’s Day***
Alec woke up to light shining through his windows. It was a peaceful Monday morning. Alec was prepared for this day. He had gone to the store to grab some last minute, but a well thought-out gift for Magnus. Though he had yet to wrap them, Alec figured that he would have time in the morning to figure everything out.
Ring! Alec’s phone dinged, letting him know that he had a message from Magnus.
Alec grinned knowing that it was probably Magnus texting him good morning like he has for the past several weeks. Excitedly, Alec reached for his phone to check the message.
Magnus: Alexander! Good morning angel!! 😉😉 Today is Valentine’s day and I was wondering if you’d like to come over and spend the day with me?
Alec felt butterflies in his stomach reading the message. And just he as he was about to answer, his body, more specifically his hands, betrayed him. Alec started shaking uncontrollably, ultimately causing the phone in Alec’s hand to drop with a thud.
'Oh no… It’ll pass. It’ll pass..' Alec tried to convince himself, but no one knew his body better than himself. Alec knew that his time was up. 'No… I was going to tell him. I finally gathered up the courage.' Alec thought in panic.
“Aghhhh!” Alec cried out in agony. The pains have never been this intense. “God forbid.” He thought as tears welled up in eyes from the pounding in his chest. “This has got to be my punishment for keeping Magnus in the dark for this long...”
“Ughhhh!!” Alec shrieked, his muscles tense, tendons showing in his neck from the pressure.
Panting harshly from the poignant hammering in his heart, Alec tried to drag himself out of bed to reach his desk to write, his last real hope at redemption, his last chance to convey the truth. Alec weakly stumbling towards his desk. Unfortunately, the fatigue caught up to him, and Alec stayed unmoving on the ground. A few minutes passed until he woke up to a soft brush against his cheek. Alec struggled to open his eyes as he pushed the remainder of what little strength left in him to force his eyelids open. Chairman Meow had come up next to him, licking his face in loving affection.
Alec smiled weakly and managed to mumble, “H..hey Chairman. I don’t think I will l…last very long. Y…you know what to d…do right? When I’m gone…” pausing to catch his breath, “When I’m gone, you have to be good to Magnus okay?”
Chairman, whimpering, trotted over to Alec, who was on the ground and nuzzled against his side.
“Please let Magnus find them.” Alec prayed to any god that could hear him. “I need him to know why...” Alec was struggling to breathe by the second. “Please.” Alec thought as he took his final breath and fell forever silent.
***a few hours later***
“Alexander!!! You in there??” Magnus’s voice rang throughout Alec’s spacious loft.
When Magnus received no reply from Alec for hours. Magnus was immensely concerned that something might’ve happened. Their daily texts were a routine that had never once been broken so if there was no reply then there had to be something wrong with Alec.
Magnus continued to bang on the door yelling Alexander’s name, as the underlying fear and desperation kept nagging at his heart.
When he, again, heard no answer, Magnus immediately took out a spare key, that Alec had made for him, and simply inserted the spare key into the keyhole and let himself in.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, could’ve prepared Magnus from the shock that befell on him at that moment.
Magnus let himself in and headed straight for the bedroom only to discover that Alec, his Alexander, was lying on the ground motionless.
“ALEXANDER!!” Magnus yelled scrambling ungracefully towards Alec’s spot on the ground.
Panicking, Magnus called the ambulance but it was too late. By that time Alec had already passed.
***
Magnus had his head in his hands the whole ride to the hospital, unable to look at his beloved wrapped up in a plain black body bag. When the paramedics and the doctors at Alicante Hospital tried to move Alec’s body towards the morgue. Magnus refused to let them do it. He WOULD NOT allow them to move his Alec to a cold dark room in one of those miserable cool metallic tables. There was no way. Alec isn’t going anywhere. Magnus would not let them do it.
Tears dripped down his face as he clutched on to Alec’s stretcher as if his life depended on it. Until he felt a warm hand over his painfully clenched grip. Magnus was ready to snap and scream at whoever this person was for touching him and trying to pry him away from Alec. He looked up to find a female doctor with beautiful stormy gray eyes who wore an expression of sadness and grief.
Magnus hesitated for a second. “Did this woman know Alexander?”
“It’s time to let go, Magnus.” the woman said softly.
Magnus was taken aback by the fact that this mystery woman knew his name? His confusion was abruptly changed into anger as yelled spitefully in the woman’s face.
“How could you say that? Did you even know him?! Because I did and I will not let Alexander leave me! I will not let him go to that miserable cold desolate place!! I will not let him go where I cannot follow!!!” Magnus screamed emotionally, feeling his heart and the rest of his being slowly break apart from the immense sorrow.
The doctor looked at him as if she was trying to hard not to let tears fall from her eyes. Knowing that it was her job to be professional and become the objective party in the situation, she took a moment to compose herself as she straightened her posture into that of a professional’s.
“Alec is gone.” she stated in stoically. “and he’s never coming back.”
The doctor’s words hit Magnus hard. “Alec is gone… Alec is gone… Alec is gone…” his mind played over and over again. “and he’s never coming back.”
Blackness clouded Magnus’s vision as he felt his body go slack.
***
Magnus’s eyes fluttered open. The bright lights in the room temporarily blinded him as he blinked to try and regain his sight.
“You’re awake.” said a gentle voice.
Magnus turned his head towards the voice as he recognized the female doctor. Then the memories came flooding back to him.
“Alexander…” Magnus whispered in a broken voice.
“I know… I’m sorry.” she spoke with empathy, all the apathy from before instantly vanishing.
When Magnus had finally calmed himself down enough and accepted the painstaking reality. He asked, “Who are you?”
“My name's Catarina Loss. I'm Alec’s physician and also his close friend.” she said in a melancholy tone, her face scrunching up in sadness. “Let me shed some light on what has been going on.”
Magnus nodded silently gesturing for her to continue.
Catarina took a deep breath as she began to tell her story. “A few months ago, Alec had been diagnosed with an illness called Pulmonary Embolism. It is a very serious illness that occurs if a large blood clot blocks the artery in the lung; the blood flow may be completely stopped, causing excruciating chest pains, shortness of breath, fatigue, and in the worst case scenario… sudden death. I have never seen others in Alec’s case who had lasted so long without treatment.” She paused to control her emotions and breathing as she could feel the tears start to well up in her eyes. “By the time the embolism was discovered, the condition had been too far gone for any real treatment to save his life. So Alec was given a choice to either receive the treatment anyway that might prolong his life but not save it or to live his life free from the hospital until his inevitable demise. I strongly encouraged Alec to stay because I didn’t want my friend to suffer alone and meet his unfortunate fate faster than expected, but he refused to stay. We ultimately came to a compromise that Alec would come visit me at least once a week to receive medication.”
Tears ran down Magnus’ cheeks. How could he not notice! How could he just dismiss the pains he noticed Alec was often having! How could he be so selfish and self-absorbed that he didn’t realize what was going on with his beloved! How could he, the great useless Magnus Bane, until the end, not be of any help to Alec! He was furious at Alec who kept his illness a secret. Magnus was furious at his ignorance. Most of all, Magnus was furious at himself.
Catarina continued her story. “but I…I realized after a while why he was so adamant on not staying. It was because he wasn’t alone... He had you.”
Magnus looked up grievously.
Catarina paused as the emotions got the best of her. “During our weekly sessions, most of the time he would look genuinely happy and content with his situation, which was very strange given his circumstances. Alec would talk about you often, you know. I saw the way his eyes lit up whenever you became the center of our conversations, and that’s when I knew that there was no way I could ever convince him to stay at the hospital. Every week Alec came to see me for his medication, but since a few weeks ago, he stopped appearing. I was of course, very much concerned and worried that something might’ve happened, but I knew that if and when something did happen, I would be alerted immediately. When I heard that Alec had passed, I ran as fast as my legs could carry. Then when I saw someone refusing to let go of the stretcher, I knew it had to be you. The one Alec had mentioned so many times during our weekly checkups.”
At that moment a wave of sadness crashed into Magnus, engulfing him to the point where he cried seemingly never-ending tears for hours as Catarina gladly kept him company.
***
Finally, after a few hours of overwhelming grief, Magnus gathered the courage to return to Alec’s apartment to find Chairman Meow, their beloved family. He entered the loft and immediately hugged little Chairman who was laying on the ground by the door as if waiting for his owners to return. “Chairman what should I do now? I’m lost.” Magnus said, his voice thickly coated with anguish.
Suddenly Chairman leaped out of his arms and nudged Magnus as if he wanted Magnus to follow him. The insistent cat led Magnus to Alec’s bedroom and jumped on right on top of Alec’s desk drawers. When Magnus opened them his eyes widened in surprise as he discovered various envelopes all addressed to him in the drawer. He didn’t know what to do. After staring at it for a substantial amount of time, he shakily picked up one of the envelopes and pulled out the carefully folded paper. Just looking at the shaky handwriting on the letter broke his heart once more.
Dear Magnus,
By the time you read this letter, it would mean that I would have already gone. I am writing this letter in advance just in case I won’t be able to say goodbye and tell you everything. I know you are probably upset that I did not tell you what was going on with me. I have known about my illness for a while, but I didn’t want to waste what little time I had in a hospital room away from you. I’m sorry for not telling you about my condition, and I’m sorry that you had to find out this way. I wanted to spend more time with you without making you worry. When I was first diagnosed with the clot condition I couldn’t believe it. Catarina, my doctor, and close friend told me that because the pulmonary embolism had already spread quite diversely throughout my body, treatment could prolong my life but it couldn’t save it. The second I heard the news I was crushed. I felt like my life had already ended. I felt like my life had just been stolen from me, and in a sense, it had been, but as I spent more and more time with you every single day, I realized that I never felt more alive. I have never been so happy. Magnus every single day you managed to make my days brighter from the darkness that surrounded me, and I couldn’t be more thankful. Ever since I found out about what was wrong with me, I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you so many times. In the beginning, I convinced myself that certain events and circumstances prevented me from telling you; however, after that, I still had so many chances to tell you, but I was just so happy for once. I was so happy to be with you, and I feared that the whole nature of our relationship would shift if I told you. I know it’s selfish of me to say this now, especially since I never got to say it to you in person, but I need to know that I said this to you before I left. I love you, Magnus. I always have. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you in person. I’m so sorry about everything. Don’t cry too much after I’m gone because I know how emotional you can get. I’m merely a passing cool breeze in your very long life. Everything’s fine. I am happy that this letter was delivered to you. I have no regrets choosing to spend what little time I had with you. Take good care of our Chairman for me and take care of yourself.
Love,
Alexander
Magnus stumbled backwards until he hit the wall and slid down in defeat. Hugging the letters in his arms, he wept violently.
‘Alexander… How could you…? I-I finally thought that I found someone who understood me more than anyone. How could you let me be such a fool… a fool that didn’t notice that you were in pain, a fool that didn’t notice that you were silently crying out for help, a fool who couldn’t tell you about his true feelings until you were gone…’ Magnus sobbed and sobbed until no tears were left to shed.
Magnus meekly pushed himself up off the ground and gathered the letters and gently picked Chairman up off the ground and into his arms. He turned to leave, momentarily pausing as he took one last look around the apartment that he and Alec had spent so much time together in.
‘I love you, Alexander~’ Magnus thought, choking up emotionally as he left the loft closing the door behind him, taking with him all the heartache.