Chapter Text
“So you’re leaving?” Daryl had known it was coming but it still didn’t feel real. He wished it wasn’t.
“Maybe?” Y/N shrugged, her voice sounding small.
“When?”
“As soon as possible. I’d be there tomorrow already if it were for them, she needs someone already, she wants to meet me and make sure I’m good for the job and all that…” Y/N looked at him with unsure eyes, and Daryl still didn’t know what to say.
“Okay.” He muttered.
“I could not go.”
“Why?”
Y/N just shrugged, looking down. She had to leave, Daryl knew it, despite the pain he felt as his brain began to catch up with what this meant. He didn’t want her to, but he knew it was the best for her, he had to help her with it, however he could, even if it hurt. She’d gotten lucky to have someone offering her a job with a friend, she couldn’t let that go. She’d have a better life in the city. She’d be happier. She was wasting away in that town. Daryl kept repeating himself that as a mantra.
“You gotta go. Your friend is there, and you kind of got a job. You know you’ll be better than in this shit place. How long have you been wanting to go? It’s your chance now.” Daryl didn’t know how he managed to deliver all that and sound convincing, but he thought he did.
Y/N nodded, still looking down. “Won’t you miss me?”
“Of course I’ll miss you…” Daryl couldn’t believe she’d ask him that when he was already feeling like an arrow was piercing through his heart.
“I’ll miss you too…enough to not want to go…” She said as she fidgeted.
“You gotta…” Daryl forced himself to say. She wasn’t making it easy, and he didn’t know how long he could stay strong and not ask her to stay. But if she stayed, she would eventually regret it, he knew it, and it’d be also Daryl’s fault.
“Then come with me.” She asked once again and Daryl scoffed, turning away from her.
“We talked already, you know I won’t.”
“You should-”
“I told you no.” He snapped. Daryl didn’t know how Y/N could still not see how there was nothing for him out of that town, he wasn’t like her. He was nothing, all he had he owed it to his brother. There was nothing for him at the city…nothing besides her, told him a tiny voice that he forced himself to ignore.
“Okay.”
Daryl regretted having sounded harsh, and without looking at her he reached out to take Y/N’s hand, and she laced her fingers with his, both of them silent for a little while.
“Okay…okay, guess I could leave tomorrow, there’s a bus to the town that leaves before lunch I think…” Y/N said quietly.
Daryl just hummed and nodded, not trusting his voice. He’d known since they become friends that Y/N would be leaving at some point, and that he should be ready for it. But at some point he’d stopped thinking about it, or he’d seen it as far away, and now that the day had come he wasn’t sure he could deal with it. It still didn’t feel real, and he hadn’t thought it would happen overnight. Daryl felt like crying and it embarrassed him.
“Daryl…” Y/N called for him in a small voice but he couldn’t look at her, afraid he’d be overcome by emotion. “I’m scared about going…”
He had to look at her at that and he hated the insecure look on her face and how her eyes seemed wet. “Why?”
Y/N just shrugged and Daryl shifted closer to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “Don’t. You always wanted to, yeah?” Y/N shrugged again but nodded. “You’re gonna do good there, you’re gonna do great.” He tried to assure her. “You ain’t even there yet and you almost got yourself a job already, uh? And your friend’s there, you’ll be with her. Everything’s going to be okay.”
“Thank you.” Y/N whispered before wrapping her arms around him and snuggling to him, and Daryl buried his face into her hair, taking a deep breath. “If I’m leaving tomorrow then there’s no way I’m working this night. Fuck it,” Y/N said when she looked up from his chest with a sad smile. “Would you give me a ride somewhere?”
Daryl nodded. Maybe riding could help take the pain away, make it more bearable. He wasn’t very hopeful, but he could try. And if that was in fact the last evening Y/N was there, then he wanted to spend it with her.
They rode away from the town, to the countryside, stopping on a meadow where they could see the sun go down. They sat down there in silence, his arm around her shoulders as she snuggled to his side, enjoying each other company for as long as they had left.
“We should go back,” Y/N said regretfully when it began to get dark. Daryl didn’t want to leave, but she was right, and staying there didn’t mean that Y/N wasn’t leaving. He reminded himself one more time that it was for the best. He had to support her on that, be strong for her.
“Yeah, come on, I’ll drop you home.” He nodded as he helped her up.
“Could we stop by the club before?”
“Thought you didn’t want to go?”
“I want to say goodbye to the girls, they’ve been good to me.” Y/N shrugged with a sad smile. “And pick up some things I have there.”
“Alright.”
It was dark already when they stopped at the club, Daryl waiting for her at the outside until she came back again, and then they rode to her place. He stopped the bike in front of her building and Y/N got off it, reaching out her hand to him.
“Come here.”
Daryl took her hand and dismounted, letting Y/N pull him into a hug. He held her tightly to him, hiding his face in the crook of her shoulder, feeling like crying and trying not to. He still couldn’t believe she was leaving in the morning. It didn’t feel real, but it was, and it hurt.
Daryl didn’t know how long they stood there, holding each other, until Y/N looked up at him, reaching up to cup his face and pulling his lips to hers for a kiss.
“What’re you doing?” Daryl muttered against her lips, unable to not kiss her back.
“Kissing you.” She whispered before kissing him again.
“Why?”
“’Cos I want to. ‘Cos I like you.”
“No, I mean,” Daryl forced himself to pull back and ignore how Y/N saying she liked him made him feel. “You’re leaving. You’re leaving tomorrow.”
“And I don’t want to regret not having kissed you.” Y/N pulled him to her again, locking her arms behind his neck. “Please, Daryl, please…” She whispered, her lips brushing his softly, and Daryl couldn’t stop himself from kissing her anymore.
Y/N led him to her flat, and Daryl knew it was a bad idea, it would only make it hurt worse in the morning, but he couldn’t make himself stop, couldn’t care, letting Y/N push him to sit down on her bed, wrapping his arms around her tightly when she sat on his lap, his lips eagerly meeting hers as she kissed him over and over.
Daryl lost all sense of time as they kissed, his mind blessedly empty of anything that wasn’t Y/N and the way in which she felt wrapped around him, her lips on his. He gasped against her lips when he felt her hands sliding under his shirt, warm fingertips drawing patterns over his skin, making him shudder.
“You okay?” Y/N pulled away from him just enough to ask, and Daryl nodded, not finding his voice. Y/N pulled at his shirt as if to take it off, waiting for him to say something and Daryl nodded again, trying to overcome the nerves that suddenly gripped him.
She took her shirt off too and the rest of their clothes followed soon, before she settled back onto his lap. Daryl was shy, couldn’t help it, but the way in which Y/N smiled sweetly at him before kissing him again helped made his shyness ebb slowly. Her fingers trailed down his back softly, stroking the length of the scars that she found on her way as she pressed a kiss to his temple.
Daryl was hesitant at first but soon his hands began to gently run over her soft skin too. He nuzzled into her neck, breathing in her scent before pressing tentative kisses over her neck and collarbone. She felt her shiver and her arms wrapped tighter around him, encouraging him to keep going. When she let out a soft giggle, though, Daryl pulled back, feeling insecure all over again.
“What you laughing about?” He couldn’t help but snap.
“Just…” Y/N bit her lip as she looked down, seeming shy too, her face blushed. “Just…I thought it was kind of fun, in a way…I worked taking my clothes off, but I’ve never been with anyone like this…” He hid her face in the crook of his shoulder.
“Me neither…” He admitted in a whisper and Y/N looked up at him, smiling softly, her eyes bright and that adorable blush spread through her cheeks, and Daryl had to kiss her again.
Y/N shifted to lie down on the bed, pulling him with her and Daryl looked at her in awe as he hovered over her, caressing her cheek with his knuckles softly, letting his fingers brush down to her neck, the curve of her breast, trailing down her side…She smiled sweetly, looking at him in that way that took his breath away at the love he could see in her eyes, and Daryl wondered if there’d ever been a way in which he could have stopped himself from falling for her, or if it had been something bound to happened since he decided he wanted them to be friends.
Y/N’s hands caressed her way over his back and shoulders and she pulled him closer to kiss his lips. Daryl felt her moan softly against his lips and when her hips lifted to meet his, Daryl’s breath hitched on his throat. He broke away from the kiss to look at her intently, even after everything they’d gone through together, he found it hard to believe that she might want to be with him like that.
“You sure?” He whispered, and that sweet, shy smile spread across Y/N’s face again as she nodded. Daryl’s lips found hers again, heart beating fast as he slowly sank into her.
He was careful and hesitant, afraid she wouldn’t like him or he’d hurt her, holding himself still when he felt her whimper against his lips, her fingers biting into his shoulders. Y/N opened her eyes, noticing him looking down at her, and she smiled to him, pecking his lips before nuzzling into his neck as she kept holding him to her tight, nibbling and kissing her way back to his lips to kiss him deeply, and then her hips began to move, slowly rocking into him, making him gasp and move with her.
Daryl knew it was a bad idea, Y/N was going to leave, she’d leave him in the morning and this was only going to make him hurt more, but at that moment he couldn’t care. He couldn’t think on anything that wasn’t how she felt, her warmth, the way in which she held to him, her hands caressing his back and arms, clutching to his shoulders, the soft gasps and whimpers that she let out as he rocked into her…
Afterward, he lied snuggled over her, his head on her chest and Y/N’s arms wrapped around him, one of her hands playing with his hair. Daryl tried to concentrate only on her, the rise and fall of her chest as she caught her breath, the warmth of her skin, her fingers stroking his hair, so he wouldn’t think on what was going to happen in the morning. She reminded him, though.
“How in the hell I’m going to leave after this?” Y/N whispered, and Daryl didn’t say anything, didn’t think there was nothing to say. How, indeed. He didn’t want her to leave, but he knew she had to, he’d told himself why enough times. Daryl felt her taking a deep breath before she spoke again. “Tell me to stay and I will.” She said quietly.
Y/N sounded serious and Daryl knew she was. It was tempting, so tempting, to beg her to not leave and stay, but Daryl knew he couldn’t. He’d told himself enough times how she was made for better things than that town, how she could be happier and have a better life in the city. She’d realize it, sooner or later, and if she didn’t leave she’d eventually regret it, he was sure, and if she stayed for him Daryl was afraid she’d resent him too. He didn’t want to see that happen. Neither did he want to see Y/N waste away in a place that could give her nothing and that she hated.
“Tell me and I will.” Y/N whispered again and Daryl forced himself to stay silent. She had to leave, it was for the best, it was, Daryl repeated it to himself again and again, trying to overcome the pain in his heart. “Okay…then come with me…”
Daryl should have seen it coming, it wasn’t the first time she asked, no matter she always got the same answer, but this time he was surprised by how much he wanted to say yes, he’d follow her anywhere. But he knew he couldn’t, and he knew why, same that he knew he’d just be a burden for her if he went with her, and so he still didn’t say anything. He felt like crying, a knot tightening his throat, and he pulled away from her, curling onto his side, his back to her.
“Sorry…I shouldn’t have asked, I know you won’t.” Y/N wrapped an arm around him, nuzzling into his back and placing kisses over it. Daryl hadn’t wanted her to think he was upset or angry with her, it wasn’t that, and he rolled to lie down on his back again, looking at her and reaching out to brush her hair away from her face, running his fingers through it.
He still couldn’t find his voice and he just looked at her sadly, and Y/N let out a sigh before curling up with him, her head on his chest. Daryl wrapped his arm around her, holding her close, his hand caressing over her arm. None of them said anything else and eventually, Daryl felt Y/N drip off to sleep.
He couldn’t sleep, though, torn between enjoying the feeling of having Y/N snuggled to him, asleep on his arms, the memory of what they had just shared, and the realization that he was going to lose her in the morning. He’d known for a while now that that day was coming, but he didn’t feel ready, now less than ever.
Daryl was glad Y/N was asleep when he felt tears in his eyes and he closed them tight, holding Y/N a bit tighter and nuzzling into her hair, hoping she wouldn’t wake up. She didn’t, murmuring something in her sleep as her lips twitched into a smile and she snuggled even closer.
With the sunrise, Y/N stirred awake. Daryl saw her smile and blink her eyes open, pressing a kiss to his chest before looking at him and pecking his lips. She looked at him as she caressed his face, her smile gone once she was fully awake, and Daryl knew what she was thinking about, the same thing that him.
“Tell me,” she whispered, and Daryl looked away in silence. Y/N let out a sigh, hiding her face in the crook of his neck again before moving away from him lazily.”I have to get my stuff ready I guess. Won’t take me long.”
Y/N got up and dressed, and after getting dressed too Daryl sat down on the bed and watched her as she went through the place, getting her stuff into a bag and backpack, and cleaned the place. She wrote a note, for her landlord she said and then just stayed there looking around.
“You okay?” Daryl asked her softly, standing next to her.
“Yeah, just…nothing, I never even liked this place.” Y/N shook her head. “Let’s go or I’ll miss the bus.” Daryl followed her outside in silence and stopped in front of his bike.
“I’ll give you a ride to the bus stop.”
Once he dropped her at the place, Daryl didn’t know what to do or say, and he could only look at her in silence as she got off the bike, and she looked down at him in silence too. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight to her, and Daryl hid his face on her chest, trying not to cry, and the way in which she shook told him she felt like that too.
“Tell me to stay,” she whispered into his hair, and Daryl didn’t look up from her chest so as not to be tempted and to prevent her from seeing the tears in his eyes.
She made him look at her, though, cupping his face and leaning to kiss his lips. Daryl couldn’t stop himself from kissing her back, his arms wrapping around her to keep her close as they kissed.
“Tell me, please. Tell me.” Y/N whispered, her forehead leaning on his, and Daryl still remained silent, pulling away from her. “Okay…okay…” Y/N nodded, her eyes wet, and Daryl did everything he could not to cry. The sound of the bus approaching made them both look up. “I gotta go. I’ll write you, okay?” Daryl nodded, not trusting his voice, his hand reaching out to wipe a tear from her cheek. Y/N took his hand, squeezing it. She looked at him with begging eyes,as if still waiting for him to say it, but he didn’t and so he let go of his hand. “I…just…bye.”
“Bye.” Daryl chocked out, watching her turn over and disappear into the bus.
The bus took off and Daryl didn’t know what to do with himself. He rode back home, only to find Merle there. He taunted him for having spent the whole night away, arriving now, asking him about Y/N, and Daryl snapped at him, getting into a fight with his brother before leaving. He didn’t want to talk about Y/N, he didn’t want to think about her, he didn’t want to cry because of her, but he couldn’t help it, and he rubbed his eyes roughly, getting into his bike and riding again.
Daryl rode out of the town, to the countryside, didn’t care for how long, until he rode back. He still didn’t feel like going back home and so he went to the woods. He walked into the clearing where he’d met with Y/N, sat down on the log, but everything seemed different now that she wasn’t there.
He tried, but he couldn’t fight the tears. He rubbed his eyes angrily, embarrassed, but he couldn’t stop and finally he gave up, letting himself cry until he couldn’t do it anymore. He wondered again and again if he’d made a mistake, if he should have asked Y/N to stay with him, but he knew it wouldn’t have been fair for her.
She was better at the city, even if it hurt, even if that meant she won’t be with him anymore. She was made for great things, better things that what that town could give her. She would be happier in the city, it was the best for her. She’d have a better life there, and Daryl couldn’t hold her back from all that.
Y/N would have the life she deserved. Daryl had to keep saying himself that, trying to find comfort in it. He loved her, and so he wanted her to have the best, happiest life she could. If she did, then the heartbreak and pain would be worth it.
Daryl kept repeating himself that.