Chapter Text
Robert reached out across the bed to Aaron finding an empty and cold spot. His husband was not in bed and any residual warmth his body would have left had dissipated long before. He opened his eyes to spy the door to the master bath open with the light off. There was barely enough light entering the window letting Robert know the sun had not started its ascendance to greet the morning.
Robert sat up on the edge of the bed catching a glimpse of the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was just shy of 5 in the morning. He grabbed his night robe, standing and heading out to find his husband. He had an idea of where Aaron most likely would be found. He opened the door to Sebastian’s room believing Aaron would be slumped against the wall or stretched out on the floor.
There was movement on the bed that captured his attention. Aaron was curled up on their son’s bed laying motionless with the exception of his peaceful, sleep driven inhaling and exhaling. That wasn’t the activity though that shifted his focus from where Aaron would usually be found in Sebastian’s room. Just below Aaron’s legs was the present Robert had brought home to surprise Sebastian on his birthday. An outline of the German shepherd puppy standing with ears perked and tail wagging in excitement was visible with the light coming from the hall.
“Puppy, lay down. You were just out to potty and it isn’t time yet.” mumbled Aaron.
A smile crept on Robert’s face before quickly receding. His original thought was Aaron getting up to take the puppy for a walk in the middle of the night. This changed to memories of when Aaron would get up when Seb would wake needing a nappy change or feeding before finally settling into a what could have been had the child Robert hadn’t known about until recently survived. Forgiving Aaron was the right thing to do. That didn’t change the fact he was now grieving for their long-ago lost child and the sorrow fresh because he was only recently made aware.
“Robert.” He heard Aaron say startling him out of his current thoughts. “What are you doing up?”
“You weren’t in bed.” Robert explained walking closer to where Aaron was now sitting up. “Aaron, did you come in here because of our talk last night?”
“No, nothing like that.” Aaron picked up the pup placing it in his lap and began petting the dog to calm it down. He continued, “Your present for Seb was whimpering so I took him out for a bathroom break. He was a bit rambunctious when we got back and I didn’t want him to wake you, so I brought him in here thinking he might settle. Instead, I fell asleep.”
“Maybe getting Seb a German shepherd puppy wasn’t such a great idea?” confessed Robert. He left it as a question while not expecting an answer. He hadn’t explained to Aaron his plan or hope that the dog would be a way for Sebastian and Aaron to bond and heal the current rift that had opened between them. “You should have woke me since I was the one to bring him home.”
“You were sound asleep and looking quite handsome all peacefully snoozing with your hair all messy.” Aaron stated with a grin. He had been tempted to come back and wake Robert up after taking care of the puppy, but it was too playful and wouldn’t have given them any peace. “Anyway, I didn’t want to disturb you after yesterday and it gave me time to think about some stuff.”
“The call from Ross?” Robert questioned, taking a seat next to Aaron. The puppy’s head cocked in Roberts direction giving him the impression he was expectant of attention from the new entity present. Robert complied, giving the young dog a scratch behind the ears. “We agreed we would sleep on it, give us both time to digest what happened before we talk about what to do.”
“Seb doesn’t even want to come home for his birthday party. I made a mistake suggesting Seb start calling me Aaron instead of Dad.” Aaron stated weakly. “And now he knows about the baby…what must be going through that poor child’s head?”
“We’ll talk him through it after his party.” Robert began. “And we’ll be completely honest with him about everything. Tell him nothing has changed and we are still a family.”
Aaron looked down at the puppy now laying asleep between him and his husband. He thought it was such an odd choice for a birthday present with Robert being so adamant against having a dog when Seb was a baby. He thought of Clyde and taking him for walks and playing fetch with him. He thought about how much fun it would be to help Sebastian train his puppy. He had visions of watching Seb and his German shepherd playing reminding him of his own youth with Clyde. He pushed those thoughts aside to broach a subject he had been thinking about since Ross had called the night before.
“I think I should talk to the family before Sebastian comes home Saturday.” suggested Aaron. “It’s all changed now that Seb knows. It’s only a matter of time before it gets out.”
“We’ll do it together, the two of us.” amended Robert.
“Or maybe I meet with my family and you meet with Rebecca and Ross ….get their thoughts on Seb staying with them.”
“What do you mean?” Robert quickly asked. “Stay with Bex & Ross? For how long?”
“Seb should be happy and he isn’t here with me around.” Aaron admitted his fear. “I told him not to call me Dad thinking it was the best.”
“No, Seb is staying here. We need to show him we love him and prove to him that you are his dad also.” argued Robert. His raised voice stirred the sleeping puppy causing it to wake up. He placed a hand on its back and began to pet attempting to relax him. “Seb already has doubts about whether you wanted any kids and sending him away will only amplify those.”
“I’ve made such a mess of things. How am I supposed to get Seb to trust me again?”
“We do it together. We start by making sure Seb has the best birthday party ever just like you planned.” reassured Robert.
“A party he doesn’t even want to attend-“ moaned Aaron.
“Don’t worry about that. Once Seb is here and the center of our attention and all the Dingles, he’ll forget all about wanting to skip out.” Robert explained. “And Sunday, we’ll talk with Seb and you’ll ask him to start calling you Dad again. And the two of you will spend time together training this little monster.”
“Was that your plan all along?” Aaron surmised looking down at the resting animal between them. He glanced back to see the smirk on his husband’s face admiring the manipulative side even though he was a target of his underhanded plan. “Get Seb and me together with a puppy?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Robert feigned ignorance. “But, if this little guy can bring you two together, I guess Seb’s present is a bonus.”
Aaron recalled a moment from their past, the words replaying in his head like Robert had said them aloud for the first time just now. “When something matters to me…I lie, cheat, do whatever it takes. And you matter to me.” There had been times early on in their relationship when Robert scheming would have set Aaron off. Whether Robert had mostly stopped or Aaron had mellowed to his spouse’s antics didn’t matter. He was just thankful Robert J. Sugden hadn’t changed so much as to not scheme when needed to keep their family together.
“Well, Doctor Evil-“ Aaron started.
“An Austin Powers reference? Seriously?” Robert mocked being appalled.
“Shut up and kiss me.” Aaron demanded as he leaned forward. The movement aroused the furry creature between them. It didn’t stop them, each placing a hand on the puppy to calm it as their lips met.
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The Mill was full of family and Aaron was feeling pressure of how to begin the conversation. He watched as Robert had circled the room offering drinks and chit-chatting with those present. The ease and comfort Robert demonstrated while with the Dingle’s at these family gatherings was something Aaron admired about his husband. They had accepted him long ago, but he often thought he himself would have struggled if he had been subjected to Robert’s entire family in similar circumstances.
“Aaron, luv, what are we all doing here?” Chas asked.
“Yeah, okay.” Aaron acknowledged, being brought back into the moment. He stepped forward into the living room where everyone had gathered. He cleared his throat attempting to get the attention of his family. Once everyone settled, he began, “We’ve called you all here to discuss Seb’s party tomorrow.”
“You mean the spectacle you’re putting on for him.” Cain deadpanned.
Moira nudged her husband saying, “Behave.”
Aaron paused with his explanation after the interruption from his uncle uncertain if he could continue with his admission. Seeing Robert moving from where he had been with Vanessa and Charity by the fireplace to stand next to him. He continued, “Seb learned something from Rebecca I had kept from the family for almost a decade.”
There was some shuffling on feet and shifting in chairs of the guests as they digested Aaron’s words. The Dingle’s were not immune to family secrets with each hiding something at one time or another. The big difference though was the unusual length of time this had been kept quiet. Most secrets had a shelf life of a few weeks, maybe a few months at most before someone in the family or village was in the know leading to everyone knowing and gossiping about them.
Aaron felt Robert’s hand entwine their fingers and softly squeezing. Robert said, “There are many reasons Aaron and I decided not to tell you all at the time and as we all went about our day to day, it became something we didn’t think we really needed to share.”
“Well, what is it then?” Cain grumbled.
“Our surrogacy….” Aaron stated and stopped.
After a few seconds, Robert continued, “We had a successful transfer and confirmed pregnancy with our surrogate. Aaron and I were gonna chose the right moment to tell everyone, but in our hesitation, she miscarried early on and we lost our baby.”
Robert was forced to release Aaron’s hand as everyone started stepping forward to give each of them comforting words and hugs. There were questions asked, but instead of having multiple conversations on the same topic Robert had informed them they would explain it once everyone had settled which seemingly put the hug parade on a faster pace.
Aaron watched as everyone began to settle again. He felt Robert’s hand reach his and their fingers entwining again. He had stayed mostly quiet during the hug-fest uncertain of what he could say after Robert’s admitted sharing responsibility for something he had done alone. He filed his questions for Robert away for later opting to get to the general reason for this gathering.
“Seb now knows and we’re asking for your help.” Aaron explained. “In case he might have questions and come to one of you-“
“We really need your help to make sure Seb’s party goes off without any hitches and that he is happy and has a good time.” Robert interjected.
“It’s his party, why wouldn’t he enjoy it?” Cain bluntly questioned earning him a nudge from his wife Moira.
“Seb doesn’t want to come home for his party!” Aaron blurted out. “He doesn’t want to be around me.”
Aaron attempted to pull away from the grasp Robert had on his hand. He felt his husband’s grip tighten but not to the point of pain. There was increased chatter and commotion from everyone, but Aaron was not mistaken hearing his husband quietly whispering to him.
, “It’s gonna be okay.”
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Robert walked alongside the German shepherd puppy holding the lead as the small dog sniffed the ground as he slowly meandered through the backyard. He had excused himself from the Dingle family gathering saying the dog had needed a potty break. The reality was he needed space from the crowded room full of everyone offering variations of sympathy, support and even advice on what they thought would be best for him, Aaron and Sebastian.
“Puppy, you need to get busy and do your business.” Robert groaned. He was wearing a coat, but the autumn evening felt especially cold for this time of year.
“Is that what your gonna call him? Puppy?” Chas asked taking up a space next to her son-in-law. “Not very original.”
“We’re waiting for Seb to come home so he can choose a name for him.” informed Robert. He was disappointed his solitude was interrupted but attempted to hide the fact from Aaron’s mother. He had wanted to leave behind all the family input and just move forward, but he had no doubts Chas would want to have her own say.
“It’s a good plan.” Chas affirmed. “Getting Seb and Aaron to bond over a puppy.”
“Am I that transparent?” questioned Robert.
“No, Paddy told me. He also said you spoke to him about Aaron hiding something. I’m sorry.” Chas said. She put her hand out linking her arm with her son-in-law taking a few steps to keep them linked as he walked the puppy.
“It’s in the past.” Robert stated, albeit weakly.
Chas sighed. She gave a tender squeeze of Robert’s arm and leaned in closer. “I know what you said to the family, but Robert I also know you. You just found out and are covering to protect Aaron.”
“Does Paddy know also?” Robert asked coming to a halt from their walking the dog.
“I caught him before I came out and told him to keep quiet about your talk.” Chas explained. “I also said he shouldn’t approach Aaron about any of it.”
“Do you think he’ll listen?”
“He will if he knows what’s good for him.” Chas warned. “It all makes sense now. Aaron sleeping in Seb’s room back then. How did I not connect the dots?”
Robert’s head dropped. Chas had asked the question he had been beating himself up with since Aaron had originally dropped his defenses letting it slip about their lost child. He had been plagued with thoughts of how selfish he had been focusing on Sebastian’s return and not able to understand why Aaron had been acting peculiar and not opening up.
“Anyway, the two of you are lucky to have each other. My Aaron is lucky to have you, Robert.” Chas stated interrupting Robert’s own thoughts. “When bad things happen the two of you have always stepped up for each other.”
“But I didn’t do anything to help him back then.” confessed Robert.
“That is not true, Robert. You knew something was off with Aaron and you got him through it.” explained Chas as she released Robert’s arm and stepped out in front facing him. “All those nights sleeping on Seb’s floor and just being there for him.”
“It’s like I said, it’s in the past.” Robert stated. A waiver in his voice betrayed his intention behind the statement.
“Oh, Robert, it isn’t though. Not for you.” consoled Chas. “You’ve not had time to properly grieve. I know you’re trying to look to the future for you, Aaron and Seb, but you can’t shut out your own feelings on what has happened either.”
“I need to get Seb sorted-“
“Robert, when you’re ready.” Chas interrupted. “I know there is quite a bit on your plate and you’re trying to prioritize. Just, when you need someone to talk with I’ll be here. It’s all I’m saying.”
“Thank you.” Robert whispered. He made a fast wipe at his eyes attempting to be nonchalant in hiding the emotions that were threatening to spill out. He tugged gently on the lead directing the furry animal forward. “Come on, Puppy. Let’s get on with it and get back in the warmth.”
Chas linked her arm within Robert’s again as they walked the dog around the yard. Neither spoke again on any subject of importance of depth or substance. They talked about events and people in the village like it was any other day. Robert was grateful for Chas and how she had managed to change focus from her initial conversation to something as benign as a mother-in-law and her son-in-law walking the dog and chatting as if nothing had previously transpired.
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Robert had finished straightening Sebastian’s room and was sitting at his son’s desk thinking about the paper he had found hidden between the mattress and the box springs. He had committed the list his son had written to memory. There was no doubt his son had been struggling recently, but finding the list in Sebastian’s handwriting added to Robert’s worries.
“What are you doing?” Aaron asked. “I thought we were gonna watch something.”
Robert shifted his head to see his husband leaning against the door frame. Aaron was the common theme on Seb’s list. Should he mention it to Aaron? He said, “We are. I just sat for a few minutes after cleaning up in here before Seb comes home tomorrow.”
“A few minutes….Rob, you’ve been up here for over an hour.” Aaron commented. “Did my mum say something to you when you were walking Puppy?”
“She knows I wasn’t telling the whole story during the family meeting.” admitted Robert.
“Is that what has you so preoccupied and sitting alone in here?”
He argued internally with himself on how to respond. Should he keep Seb’s list a secret? Or maybe present it to his husband and possibly exacerbate Aaron’s insecurities over Sebastian? Neither choice was ideal, though he knew what he should do. They promised no more secrets.
Robert stood from the desk and crossed the room to stand in front of Aaron. He said, “Chas was great.”
“Then what’s bothering you?” Aaron questioned. He tipped his head enough to lock their eyes, squinting ever so slightly as if to force what was going on in Robert’s head to spill out.
“You know I love you.”
“Yeah, and I love you too.” Aaron replied, worry beginning to etch itself in his features. His statement was not just an automated response and reaction.
Robert felt Aaron’s hands clasp his. He looked down at their joined hands and saw his watch on Aaron’s wrist. He thought about Sebastian’s list and a plan was beginning to form. “You’re wearing my watch.”
“I didn’t think you would mind.” Aaron retorted quickly. He released Robert’s hands and began removing it.
“No, of course I don’t care.” Robert amended. He placed his hands on top of Aaron’s stopping him from removing it from his wrist. “Please don’t take it off.”
“I don’t need it.” Aaron explained. He leaned forward and planted a long kiss on his husband’s lips. “I know I’ve got you. It’s time to give it back. It’s your watch.”
Robert felt Aaron finish the impromptu kiss and pull back. He said, “I was gonna ask you if we could give it to Seb for his birthday.”
“Why?” Aaron asked pulling back more attempting to ascertain what Robert’s angle was. “What’s going on?”
“You had your reasoning for wanting to give Seb this big birthday bash.” explained Robert. He paused long enough to witness Aaron nodding his head in acknowledgement. “I always intended to give it to him when he was older. Instead, I think maybe if we give Seb the watch now for somewhat the same reasons I gave it to you, it could be like a reminder of his connection to us both.”
Robert could see Aaron was processing what he said. He hoped his husband would be convinced in the sincerity of his plan. He believed his omission of the watch being a conduit to help explain their two marriages and possibly being a conversation starter in an effort to tackle Seb’s list would be justified if it unified their family and be another step in healing the rift between Aaron and Seb.
“If that is what you wanna do, then you should give it to him.” Aaron eventually stated.
Robert heard what he perceived as skepticism in Aaron’s voice and his saying he should give the gift to Seb and not them together. It gave him a momentary pause in his latest idea, questioning if he should just tell him his reasoning. Then, he came up with a viable alternative. Smirking, he said, “Dr. Evil has a plan and an important part is for both of us to give our Mini-Me this present.”
“I thought you were up to something.” Aaron grumbled. “So, what’s the big master plan?”
Relieved, Robert said, “I was hoping we could do it before the party starts, just after Seb gets home.”
“You do know in the movies Dr. Evil fails?” offered Aaron.
“With you on my side Number Two, I fancy my chances.” Robert stepped forward taking Aaron’s hand smiling. “We’re a team.”