Chapter Text
Mizuki sat bolt upright in bed, soaked from head to toe in a cold sweat. His heart was racing, and he gasped for air that was finally, finally coming.
He’d had the nightmare. Again. Every night for the past four days, he’d woken up the exact same way after seeing the exact same visions. In his dream, he was captured far away from Konoha, held as the prisoner of a sadistic lord. He was starved, tortured, used, and he screamed and screamed, but no one heard him.
Mizuki thought he was losing his mind, at first. He thought it was possible that his guilt was manifesting in the form of these dreams because of how similar they were to what Hayate had told him about Iruka’s mission. He’d said some awful things to him, and he’d meant them. Still, they were awful, and he probably should have just gone on ignoring Iruka.
Now, though, he was starting to become suspicious. Was this a disturbingly realistic nightmare, or was someone using genjutsu on him? When he thought about telling someone, he knew he would just sound paranoid. No shinobi in Konoha would attack a fellow, certainly not the few that knew about his fight with Iruka.
Unless.
Mizuki stepped out of bed and peered out his window, then snapped the curtains shut. The room was blanketed in total darkness.
Could Hatake be behind this?
Mizuki felt his way around his room, searching for the bottle of sleeping pills he kept in the nightstand. He swallowed a handful of them dry, then laid back down in his bed.
Kakashi wouldn’t risk his position within the village by using genjutsu on Mizuki. He wouldn’t do something so reckless, so moronic, especially over something so misguided.
Wouldn’t he?
__
Kakashi whistled a jaunty tune as he turned the corner and entered the mission room, one hand closed around a scroll and the other resting in the inner pocket of his vest, where one of his favorite Icha Icha novels was waiting for him to pay it some attention. He couldn’t help the way his expression lit up as he saw Iruka, sitting at the mission desk and focusing intently on what the cute, female desk nin was showing him. He knew he wasn’t hiding his feelings very well, but as much as he wanted to avoid alerting the whole village to their fledgling relationship, the things he felt for Iruka were just too large and wonderful to be concealed.
Not content with taking a month of medical leave, Iruka had begged the Hokage to let him work shifts at the mission desk, and since Tsunade couldn’t think of any actual reasons why he couldn’t, he’d been given a part-time job. Iruka was industrious. He didn’t know how to relax. It was one of the many things Kakashi marvelled over, how very similar they were at times.
“Hey, Umino,” Kakashi greeted, playfully flippant, and tossed the scroll he’d been carrying high into the air.
Iruka snatched it before it could hit his teacher on the head. “Watch it!”
Kakashi chuckled. “Good to see you’re still sharp.”
“Sharper than ever,” Iruka countered, eyeing him suspiciously, “What’s this?”
“The official mission scroll for my strike team,” Kakashi explained, “I need you to make copies for everyone on that list.”
Ibiki, Genma, Gai, Hayate, Anko, Asuma. The Hokage had protested him picking so many elite jonin, effectively removing them from the remaining pool of shinobi to lead the other strike teams, but she couldn’t question Kakashi’s reasoning. Theirs was the primary target, after all.
Iruka read the list, and Kakashi could see his mind at work. He was probably thinking along the same lines as Tsunade had. He looked up at Kakashi, a question he really wasn’t allowed to ask on his face. Ordinarily, Kakashi had no issue with Iruka questioning him. It was a privilege of being his friend. But they were in the mission room, in public, and hierarchy had to be observed.
“Thank you,” he said passively, though his eyes told Kakashi they’d be discussing it later, “I’ll get right on that.”
“Here,” the female desk nin said, reaching over and taking Kakashi’s scroll from Iruka, “Let me show you how to do that.”
Kakashi left them to their work and took up a position in the corner of the room. He slipped Icha Icha out of his pocket and eagerly opened it up to the first page. He’d read this one so many times before, the pages were worn and developing small tears. The last time Jiraya had been near Konoha, Kakashi had gotten him to sign the cover page. Kakashi ran a finger along the master novelist’s signature, taking a moment to marvel at what a complete, well-rounded genius Jiraya was: a master ninja and the world’s foremost erotic novelist. Truly, a Renaissance Man.
He was gleefully turning pages and devouring words when he sensed the presence of Mizuki’s chakra outside of the building. Kakashi remained relaxed, keeping his shoulders loose, and continued reading. The negative energy kept getting closer and closer until Kakashi felt Iruka’s own chakra flare. He must be in the room , Kakashi thought. He turned another page, then went back and decided to re-read a passage he hadn’t been entirely concentrating on.
“You’re working the mission desk now?” Mizuki’s voice, slightly nasally, was unmistakably mocking as he addressed Iruka.
“Looking to take one? Of course you aren’t,” came Iruka’s reply.
Kakashi’s heart swelled in pride at the pettiness of it all.
“You don’t know me,” Mizuki spat.
There was the sound of some shuffling as the female desk nin took over. “You can have any of these missions, Mizuki.”
There was the sound of scrolls being unrolled. Mizuki hummed to himself as he read, then said, “How do we only have escort missions right now? I don’t want to go that far.”
Iruka clucked his tongue but said nothing.
Kakashi closed his eye as he listened to Mizuki’s lowered voice as he whispered to Iruka.
“Can we talk?”
He sounded quite tense. Kakashi couldn’t resist taking a peek up from his book. Mizuki’s face was pinched. Iruka’s back was ram-rod straight. It was an uncomfortable scene, and the entire mission room had stopped to observe.
Iruka put his hands on the table and rose. He addressed Mizuki at a normal volume. “Sure.”
“Um, Umino,” the desk nin said shyly, “You’re really not supposed to-,”
“I’ll only be a minute,” Iruka promised.
Kakashi forced himself to reman calm as Iruka followed Mizuki out of the room. He didn’t see any way for him to follow them without being obvious. He would just have to trust Iruka to hold his own against his ex.
__
Iruka crossed his arms and leaned up against the wall once they were out in the hallway. Mizuki had some nerve, bothering him while he was at work, but he had to admit his curiosity. What he wouldn’t admit, though, was that he was hopeful for an apology. He’d never known Mizuki to make one before.
“Iruka,” Mizuki said. He put a hand to the side of his face, rubbing slightly. He had large bags under his eyes, and his skin was pale and blotchy. Iruka had never seen Mizuki looking so ragged, so exhausted before. “How are you?”
Iruka arched one eyebrow. “Fine. You look like shit.”
“Um.” Mizuki shuffled his feet. “How’s Kakashi?”
“What do you want?” Iruka was running thin on patience.
“I think he’s genjutsu-ing me.”
Iruka was stunned. “Who? Kakashi?” He looked at Mizuki with as incredulous a face as he could muster, but Mizuki didn’t seem like he was joking around. “That’s a serious accusation.”
“I don’t know who else it could be!” Mizuki yelled, his sudden burst of emotion like a cherry bomb. He exploded, then looked utterly spent. “Listen, Iruka, I haven’t slept in, like, a whole week. I keep having these nightmares, the same exact one every night. I think Kakashi’s trying to get revenge on me.”
“Why would Kakashi want revenge on you?”
“You know,” Mizuki said, his eyes not meeting Iruka’s, “Because of those things I said to you.”
“Ah.” Iruka put one foot up on the wall and cocked his head to the side. “Those things you said to me,” he repeated in a monotone.
“Yeah,” Mizuki repeated hesitantly.
“The things you said that you’re not sorry for?” Iruka continued. “You know I lost a tooth, right?”
Mizuki’s eyes went wide. “I really didn’t mean to get so violent. It wasn’t the right timing, for me to have said all that.”
“The right time,” Iruka repeated, eyes wide, “You’re sorry for the way you said it and not for what you said?”
Mizuki shook his head. “Let’s not do this here.”
“Then what did you come to do, besides waste my time?” Iruka pressed. He resisted the urge to snap his fingers in Mizuki’s face. “You know, I feel stupid for ever thinking you cared about me, that we could have anything together.”
“‘Ru.”
“You don’t get to call me that,” Iruka said, voice dangerously low, “You’re lucky I’m letting you speak to me right now.” He jerked his head back, indicating the mission room. “You’re lucky he’s not out here with us.”
“Don’t threaten me with your little boyfriend,” Mizuki countered, “This is why I called you a coward, you know!”
“I’m not a coward!” Iruka was furious. “You’re talking a lot of shit for someone who has no idea what I’ve been through.”
“What you’ve been through?!” Mizuki roared, “Isn’t that rich? You’re the worst kind of coward!” He pointed a finger, jabbing it directly into Iruka’s chest. “You always get special treatment from everyone, you little nothing! The only thing you’re good at is lying on your back, which I guess is why they gave you that fucking mission in the first place.”
Iruka took a deep breath. “How were you so awful all this time, and I didn’t see it before?”
Mizuki sneered. “Say what you want. I’m right. You haven’t even accomplished half of what I have, but you get all the credit. Precious Iruka. If they knew you like I know you, they’d think twice about thinking you’re something special.”
“Oh, go to hell,” Iruka returned, sounding almost bored. Truthfully, he was tired of Mizuki. He was tired of fighting with this person he’d thought was his friend for so long. Mizuki’s words still stung, but Iruka was tired of letting it bother him. He no longer cared about Mizuki, and though his emotions still had some catching up to do, logically, he was well over it. “Seriously, Mizuki, go to hell.”
Mizuki stepped forward into Iruka’s space, their noses inches apart. “Make me.”
Iruka held his breath, his chest tightening. They were too close, entirely too close… He felt his heart begin to race, adrenaline spiking as he felt his body going into the beginnings of a panic attack. He put a hand out and pushed Mizuki away from him, a lot harder than was probably necessary. Mizuki took a few staggering steps back. “Stay away from me! I’m done with you.”
“You have the nerve to reject me?! I’m the one leaving you!” Mizuki looked like he wanted to swing. “You’re nothing, Umino! An insignificant nothing! Why am I the only one who sees that?! This whole time, I’ve been nice to you, trying to be your friend, trying to see just what it is everyone else sees, but you know what, Umino? There’s nothing special inside of you. You hear me?! Nothing!”
When he was finished, he stopped, panting violently from the outburst. He glared for a moment longer, rage visibly boiling inside of him, and then he stormed away. Or, rather, he started to. Halfway down the hallway, Mizuki turned and yelled, loud enough that there was no way the entire building wouldn’t hear.
“You’re damaged goods, Umino! Once he realizes that, he’ll leave you just like I did!!”
__
Kakashi held himself perfectly still for as long as it took for Mizuki to leave the building, whereupon he rolled backwards out of the open window of the mission room and fell two stories to land directly in front of him, blocking his path. He’d heard every word, and he’d be damned if he let Mizuki just walk away.
Kakashi unfurled, standing up from a crouch to his full height. He wasn’t that much taller than Mizuki, but it was enough to spike the other man’s chakra, clearly signaling his fear.
“Yo.”
“Get the hell out of my way,” Mizuki snarled.
“You’re not a very nice person, you know?” Kakashi mused, smiling underneath his mask. “It’s no wonder people don’t like you very much.”
“You think you’re so special, don’t you?” he spat, popping his knuckles as he spoke. It seemed like it was meant to be an intimidation gesture, but the effect fell rather flat, in Kakashi’s opinion. “You think you’re so goddamn special. Well, you’re not!”
“The way you say that,” Kakashi mused, “It’s funny, I don’t even think you believe it.”
“I’ll kill you!!” he screeched suddenly, and then he lunged, arms outstretched towards Kakashi’s throat.
Kakashi side-stepped his attack and kicked out, knocking into Mizuki’s knees and sending him tumbling backwards. Instead of crumpling, Mizuki whirled his arms up to catch himself and twisted, throwing a kick of his own that glanced off Kakashi’s thigh. The impact hurt like hell and startled Kakashi long enough for Mizuki to pull off another attack. He grabbed the inside of Kakashi’s knee and pulled, sending them both tumbling to the ground, where they grappled for the upper hand until, ultimately, Kakashi managed to pin him to the dirt.
Kakashi laughed mirthfully. “You actually got me, you son of a bitch.”
Mizuki spat up at him in response. His spit landed on the underside of Kakashi’s mask.
Kakashi’s smile turned dark. “I’m going to have you court martialed so fast it’ll make your head spin.”
“Kill me yourself, you bastard!”
Kakashi shook his head, then flipped Mizuki over onto his stomach and performed a quick, single-handed seal to bind him. “Iruka doesn’t want me to, otherwise I would.” He leaned down, his mouth next to Mizuki’s ear. “Believe me, I would.”
“You know what they did to him,” Mizuki said, somehow still thinking he was allowed to speak, “You have to know, and you can still stand to touch him?”
Kakashi sighed and sat down hard on Mizuki’s back. “I don’t even know where to begin with you. I don’t even know if it’d be worth it.”
Kakashi looked up as the doors to the building slammed open and Iruka ran out, followed by a small crowd of people who’d probably seen Kakashi dive out the window. “Kakashi!!”
“Yo,” he said again, giving a little wave to Iruka as he approached.
“What happened?”
Kakashi shrugged. “We’re talking.” He patted Mizuki’s head. “He’s really an awful guy, Iruka.”
Iruka looked between them, clearly unsure of what to do. “Should I call Tsunade?”
“Don’t bother.”
Everyone turned to look as the woman herself exited the building. She looked elegant and slightly hungover, as always, dressed in a moss green wrap dress that hugged her body tight. Shizune trailed behind her, looking frantic.
Tsunade stared down at Kakashi and Mizuki. “I have an office up there, you know. Why is it that, when my work is disturbed by shouting and people jumping out of windows, I always think to myself, Surely Kakashi can’t possibly be involved this time? And yet,” she chirped disapprovingly, “Here you are.”
“I didn’t start it, ma’am.”
“Oh, I heard what Mizuki was yelling.” Tsunade rolled her eyes. “How the hell do you even know about the details of a classified mission?”
“Tell Hatake to let me up,” Mizuki whined.
“No. Talk.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Never mind. You know what? Just come with me. We’re dealing with this now. I didn’t want to believe Gai’s account of the stunt you pulled on the training grounds, but now I have no choice.”
Iruka looked mortified. “I told him not to bother you with it, Hokage.”
Tsunade put a hand on his shoulder. “Umino, it’s my literal job to be bothered about these things. Your safety is important, and if another ninja is going around knocking your teeth out, we have to deal with that.”
Kakashi stood and slapped his hands against his pants, brushing the dirt off of his palms. “Well then, I guess I’ll leave it in your capable hands.”
“Stop hand-delivering me messes, Hatake.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
__
“You weren’t really using genjutsu on Mizuki, were you?”
They were lying in bed together at the end of the day, holding hands in the dark after another night at Ichiraku, laughing and drinking together. Iruka had come to realize that, though his life had changed irrevocably since returning home, it wasn’t all for the worse. That, more than anything, was a comfort to him. That his life could seem to entirely come apart, and there would still be something to smile about. Iruka wasn’t smiling now, though, even if Kakashi’s hand in his had a pleasant, warm weight to it. Even if Kakashi’s fingers had a habit of playing lightly over the skin of his knuckles, tracing circles around the fine bones of his hands, and even if that sensation made him squirm and tingle with simple pleasure, Iruka couldn’t let go of their earlier altercation.
Kakashi’s silence was damning. Iruka tried again. “Tell me you weren’t.”
Slowly, Kakashi closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he was regarding Iruka impassively. He gave a twitch of his head and shoulders, a nonchalant, insignificant gesture.
Iruka sat bolt upright in bed. “You were?”
Kakashi shushed him, smoothing his hand over the waves of hair tumbling down his partner’s shoulders.
“Kakashi, that’s terrible.” He sunk back down onto the bed, returning to Kakashi’s arms. On one hand, it was a very serious crime to attack an ally, especially within Konoha’s walls. Kakashi could get in a lot of trouble if it ever came to light. On the other hand, Mizuki really had said some unforgivable things to Iruka. The responsible part of him hated the idea of Kakashi hurting someone on his behalf. The vindictive side wished he could’ve helped.
Kakashi rolled onto his side to face Iruka, both eyes focused intently on him. Iruka had only seen the sharingan eye for the first time that night, and it was a beautiful as it was eerie. The three black dots orbiting the iris were hypnotic in a way, swirling lazily as Kakashi stared back at Iruka.
“Doesn’t that drain your chakra?” he asked.
Kakashi shook his head. “A little bit.”
His face was completely uncovered, an incredibly rare thing, Iruka knew. He felt special that Kakashi felt this comfortable with him. He leaned forward and kissed the small birthmark underneath Kakashi’s bottom lip. Kakashi dipped his head and caught his lips, one of the many lazy kisses they’d shared that night. Iruka loved the way Kakashi’s lips felt. They were so soft because he was always wearing the mask, inadvertently protecting them from the wind. Iruka’s own lips were almost constantly chapped from a combination of being outdoors and a nervous habit he’d always had of biting them.
“I didn’t mean to let it go so far,” Kakashi said then, voice quiet and musing, “I was only going to do it for one night, to scare him.”
“I don’t need you to fight my battles for me,” Iruka insisted.
“I know you don’t.” Kakashi bent his head and kissed the hollow space between Iruka’s collarbones, the soft skin where neck met chest. Iruka thrilled a little at the sensitive touch, shivering pleasantly. “But I want to fight for you. You shouldn’t have to worry about someone like him.”
Iruka sighed and stretched a little, hearing a pop in his knee as he did. A small breeze blew in through the cracked window. His apartment always ran a little hot, which meant he could keep his window open even in the cooler months for a little fresh air. “Regardless, you shouldn’t have done it. You could’ve gotten in a lot of trouble.”
“I didn’t hurt him,” Kakashi insisted, although there wasn’t any particular emphasis behind his words.
Iruka felt blessed to have Kakashi in his corner. It was difficult to wrap his head around how startlingly things had changed in his life, but after his time in captivity, the memories of the way things were had started to warp and blur in his mind. Had he really never spoken to Kakashi before? What had he been doing with his time, other than taking missions, training, and hanging out with Mizuki? And had he really been sleeping with Mizuki, been fooled by his act when he so clearly had been using him?
Mizuki had stepped out, had shown his true colors in violent fashion, and now Kakashi was sharing his bed, cooking meals with him, and holding his hand through the darkest parts of the night. Kakashi, who up until recently had been something of a myth to him, an elite ninja Iruka only ever saw but never dreamed he’d have reason to speak with.
He was wrong to have feared the changes. Readjusting to life after his mission was an every day battle, but he could keep putting one foot in front of the other, knowing he had Kakashi supporting him. Kakashi and all of his other friends, people he’d never thought of as his friends until they’d been there for him, like Anko and Hayate. Hell, even Gai was his friend, wasn’t he?
Iruka curled into Kakashi’s body, luxuriating in the warmth of his body heat. They still had all of their clothes on, but they were dressed in civilian clothes rather than their uniforms. Iruka had loaned Kakashi a sweatshirt and pants, and the smell of their combined scents was making him sentimental. If only they could stay like this, if only they could both continue to be safe, wrapped up in each other in his apartment. If only Kakashi wouldn’t have to go...
Iruka wasn’t planning on returning to active duty. He wouldn’t be going out there anymore. It was a choice he’d never considered before, but talking to Anko had made him realize something important.
“I’m going to take the Academy teacher’s exam.”
Kakashi’s eyes opened fully, registering his surprise. “What brought this on?”
Iruka sighed, rolling in closer to Kakashi and burrowing into his arms. He spoke to his collarbone, lips pressed against skin. “I just think, you know, that’s something I could actually be good at.”
“Iruka, you’re a good ninja,” Kakashi said, sounding a little confused, “You weren’t actually listening to what Mizuki said earlier, were you?”
“No, no,” Iruka muttered, “But he did get one thing right about me. I’m nothing special in combat, really. Not compared to a lot of other ninja in the village. Not compared to you.” He shrugged one shoulder and tightened his grip on Kakashi’s waist. “But I’ve always been really good with kids. I would be something special to them. And the Academy needs good people. I would make a great teacher, I think.”
Kakashi didn’t speak. Iruka felt his fingers playing lithely along his spine as he listened.
“Teach me how to say family.”
Iruka opened his arms as the girl crawled into his lap. She was too thin and barely weighed enough to inconvenience him. Indulgently, he wrapped his arms around her and squeezed.
“Family, huh?” he asked her.
Maru frowned thoughtfully, an expression that was far too adult, far too worldwise to be worn by a child. “I miss my family a lot.”
Iruka swallowed a sudden lump in his throat. “Me, too.”
“Who’s your family, Big Brother?”
Iruka bit his lower lip, trying to maintain a presence of calm. He owed it to her to be an adult. “I don’t really have one.”
“You don’t?” she asked with a gasp, “But you’re so nice!”
Iruka wished he was still capable of laughter. He tried for a smile instead. “Thank you. That’s kind of you to say.”
“Teach me!”
Something hard had lodged itself in Iruka’s throat, an emotion too thick and difficult to pass breath through, let alone words. He held his breath for a long minute, almost afraid of what would happen if he didn’t, and then he inhaled sharply, his lungs spasming as a sob broke free from him.
“Iruka?”
Iruka could feel the sting of salty tears in his eyes. “Kids deserve better, Kakashi.”
“What’s-?”
Iruka looked up at him, fingers climbing to rest at the base of his pale neck. Kakashi’s eyes were swirling with confusion and worry.
Iruka patiently scratched out the kanji for “family” on the wooden floor with the ring he wore on his finger. It had been given to him by the lord, to mark him as his favorite. Iruka dug the metal into the wood deep, gouging it permanently.
“This is the one that means family,” he explained, “See how this part curves and then hooks? It’s important you connect it just like that.”
“Your words look so funny,” she said distractedly, her little fingers already tracing the carving with unconcealed fascination, “I love them.”
“Do you love your family?” The question almost caught in Iruka’s throat.
Maru nodded, still pressing her hands to the floor. “I’m sure I’ll see them again soon. They’re coming to get me, I think, but its taking them so long.”
Iruka didn’t know it was possible for his heart to be broken so many times.
“Her name was Maru,” Iruka told him, choking on her name. Tears ran thickly down his cheeks, but he needed to get the words out. “I talked about her in my report.”
“You did,” Kakashi agreed, stroking the side of his face with the back of his hand. “She was how old?”
“Eleven, I think,” Iruka answered, taking slow, shallow breaths. “She was the youngest one there. The cartel butchered her family and took her.”
“What do you mean you don’t really have a family? Where’d you come from if you don’t have a mommy and a daddy?”
“I did have parents once. They’re dead now.”
“But they’re still your parents, aren’t they?”
“I… I guess so.”
“Life is hard for kids,” Iruka said, “I want to make it easier, if I can.”
“I think you’d be great.” Kakashi pressed a kiss to the crown of his forehead. “You should do it, if you feel so strongly about it. I think you’ll be brilliant at anything you decide to put your mind to.”
Iruka smiled a genuine smile. He’d been a little worried, honestly, that Kakashi would patronize him, even though he knew the man better than that. The drive to teach wasn’t something he’d expected Kakashi to understand, considering his background as the youngest child soldier Konoha had ever had. It was reaffirming to realize that he could trust Kakashi with this, could have his unconditional support. He could trust .
“Thank you.”
Time passed and, eventually, Iruka felt Kakashi’s breathing even out, felt him drift off to sleep still tangled together with him. He closed his eyes and savored the feeling of closeness. He didn’t know what he felt for Kakashi, exactly, but he was grateful for it, whatever it was. There was no guarantee that what they had would last, but it was enough for now to be together. Iruka closed his own eyes and let the steady rhythm of Kakashi’s beating heart lull him to sleep.
That night, he had no nightmares.