Chapter Text
6 months later in London
Even 25 and a half, Mikael 25 and a half.
It is late August and the weather is hot, by British standards.
Mikael and Even are sitting outside a small cafe near St. James’ Park. Enjoying the sun and a well-poured beer. Even can’t believe he is back here. The city holds so much memory and emotion for him. That’s probably also why it’s taken him this many months to come visit Mikael here.
When he lived here himself, he was just learning how to function as a person again. His depression had seemed endless, but as soon as he started getting back on his feet he spent all his savings on a one-way plane ticket to London and on tuition to an advanced filmmakers’ course.
He knew very well that he was fleeing. But it had seemed like it was the only way to move forward at the time. He needed to get away. Learn how to be a person without being Isak’s person.
June had lend him some money for a deposit and a couple of months rent for a small one-bedroom apartment outside of the city. The daily commute was a bitch, but it gave him time to read books and scripts he never had the time for back home.
He threw himself into the course work, got a job at a pub near his small apartment and slowly learned how to breathe again. Learned how to just to be again.
No one knew him here, and as exhausting as it was to meet new people all the time, it was also kind of liberating.
One night, he could be an artist talking for hours about niche, french, black and white films with hipsters at art galleries. Other nights, he could just be a mess, getting drunk off his ass on whatever beer was cheapest and sing along to whatever football team song the fans of the winning team in the pub was singing that night.
For some reason people seemed to like him, wherever he went. People didn’t question his choices in life or asked him about his plans for the future. Instead they asked him for his opinion on art, european football, scandinavian cooking and snowy mountains.
A lot of people batted their eyelashes at him and asked him to pronounce various words both in English and Norwegian. They seemed to find it sexy, when his deep voice shaped words. He sometimes indulged them. Until one night, when he told a pretty girl she had a beautiful name, and she put her hand on his thigh and asked him what the most beautiful norwegian name was.
Without hesitation he said, Isak.
After that, he stopped engaging with people about his accent and home country.
He thought he had come further. Apparently not.
He stopped playing a different role every night, stopped pretending to be something he was not. He went to school, went to work, made some real friends. He stopped running from himself.
He finished his course after eight months and went home.
He was broke, utterly poor. But he was genuinely happy and content for the first time in his life. Because he had figured out how to live a life without his parents, June and even Isak. He felt so empowered.
Even hasn’t been back since then. London seemed sacred somehow. So defining for who he is as a person today. He was afraid that if he went back and didn’t feel those same emotions he London left with, they would somehow leave him too and he would lose those newfound parts of himself.
So being here now. On a pavement in London, four years later is something special.
Both Even and Mikael are wearing sunglasses and shorts. They are sipping their beers frequently to avoid them getting warm, before they can finish them.
“How does it feel being back here?”, Mikael asks after a shared silence.
He doesn’t look at Even. He just lazily keeps watching people walk by on the street.
Even thinks about it for a moment.
“Better than I thought I would.”
Mikael looks at him for a moment.
“How so?”
“I think my time in London was so important to me, and who I am as a person now, that if it somehow changed I wouldn’t know how to handle that.”
“Has it changed then?”
“Not really, it seems.”
“Have you?”
Even goes quiet for a moment. He smiles to himself.
“I’m not sure. Some things are the same. Some are different.”
Mikael hums and nods thoughtful and acknowledging in return.
The silence returns.
A waiter comes by and takes their now empty pints and asks them if they want a refill. They agree.
When Mikael has taken a rather large portion from his fresh beer he asks, “Remember when I asked you, all those years ago, if you were in love with Isak?”
Even looks at Mikael with wide eyes. Why does he feel like he is being confronted with something he shouldn’t be doing?
Sure, Isak had been all over Even’s instagram, and well, all over Even’s life for the last six months. It had almost been like when they were teenagers again, hanging out almost every day. Getting food, watching movies, taking walks, going dancing just to realize that they were both shit at it and just get drunk and laugh at other people dancing instead...
“I remember.” Even says breathlessly.
Mikael removes his sunglasses and rubs his eyes. He turns in his chair so that he is facing Even straight on, putting his arms on the table between them, folding his hands.
He looks at Even for a short while, and a cheeky grin colors his face. He looks at his own hands for a bit, still smiling and his mouth opens and closes a few times, before he looks straight at Even. Eyes boring into his soul.
“Would you like to change your answer?”
_________________________________________________________________________
Isak 25, Even 25 and a half
Even backs Isak up against his front door. Their bodies are close enough for a hug, but only just.
Isak runs his fingers through Even’s hair and makes him sigh in relief and happiness.
They have spend the whole day together. Not that that is anything out of the ordinary these days.
What is out of the ordinary is that Even has stopped pretending. For the first time in his life he knows what he wants and isn’t afraid of it.
He wants Isak.
They went Sørenga and bathed in the sea. Sat on the wooden deck for hours and talked about their everyday lives.
Isak is starting his first clinical rotation at Ullevål hospital on monday and is scared out of his mind.
“What if I kill someone, Evi? I only read about most things in my books, I have no fucking clue what to do, if someone just starts bleeding or choking in front of me, well I do know to do in theory, but just… Fuck !”
Even took Isak’s face in his hands and kissed his forehead, making Isak go pliant under his touch at once.
He turned his chin up to look him in the eyes.
“You are going to be the best doctor that hospital has ever seen. I know how hard you’ve worked for the past six years. You’ll know what to do, when the time comes. And if not, that’s okay too. Someone else will help you. You are not alone. Ever. Okay?”
Isak seemed lost in his eyes for a moment. He swallowed deeply and smiled a soft smile.
“Okay.”
He leaned his forehead against Evens, breathing slowly.
“Neither are you by the way. You are never alone.”
On the way home Even took Isak’s hand and intertwined their fingers. Isak let him and just kept talking about whatever was on his mind as they made their way through the city towards Isak’s new apartment.
Now, the world is standing still. Even’s hands caresses Isak’s back, arms, neck as they make their way towards his face.
Isak is leaning fully on the door behind him, breathing slowly with a small smile on his face. Even smiles himself when he feels it with his thumbs.
“Remember when we smoked weed, in the back of my car, in June’s garage?”
Isak looks up at him through his lashes.
“Which time?”
Even takes a deep breath and pushes closer. Their chests are only inches apart now.
“The time I did this…”
He runs his nose against Isak’s cheeks, like he did all those years ago. Breathing him in. Feeling the soft stubble on his jaw. Hearing how Isak’s breath hitches in his throat.
“And you asked me, who you were to me?”, Even continues.
He starts feeling Isak’s jaw with his lips. Gently running them over his sharp lines, as Isak tilts his head back against the door, exposing his neck.
“You said I was your best friend…” Isak breathes out heavily.
Even sighs heavily, giving up his last piece of self restraint, he doesn’t need it anymore. He’s not scared anymore.
“God, I was such a fucking idiot… It wasn’t friendship...”, Even starts to slowly kiss his exposed neck, which makes Isak sigh, almost moan out his next breath, pulling Even closer.
“What was it then? Who am I, Evi?”, Isak draws back. Looking at Even though heavy eyelids.
Even makes a desperate sound in his throat and cups Isak’s face softly again.
“It was love. I know you know that.”
He searches Isak’s eyes for any kind of regret and sign for him to stop. He finds none. Only endless green forests.
“And you’re my whole fucking world. You always have been. Please let me love you. I love you so much.”
Isak closes the gap between them and kisses Even softly. So soft. His are lips open and Even longingly takes Isak’s cupids bow between his lips and tastes the man of his dreams.
And then it happens. Isak smiles into the kiss. And that’s it for Even. His first smiley kiss. From Isak. The first of many to come if he gets his way.
“Please let me love you.” he mumbles not separating their lips.
Isak’s smile gets even wider.
“I can do that. And I will love you right back.”, he whispers.