Chapter Text
The screen went blank and the teacher closed her notebook.
“Great job, boys! A little bit over the time limit, but nothing too extreme. Why don’t you wait outside while quickly run over my notes and I’ll call you back in later,” Ms. Bang chirped as Minhyuk plugged the laptop out from the HDMI device, his shoulders relaxing themselves.
Closing his laptop, he looked at Jooheon who was smiling at him and gave him a thumbs up. His hair was in a loose bun, round specs framing his face with the utmost innocence. Minhyuk could only smile back as he walked over to the door, the younger trailing behind him. A weight was lifted off both of their shoulders as they finished, thinking about the past minutes of their presentations.
Luckily, it went well for the chromatic duo. Jooheon and Minhyuk had worked their asses off the days following up to the presentation, fixing and revising the material several times. They timed each other’s parts and even memorized where to point during the presentation. D-day kept being pushed, which meant more time with one another. During this time, they got to learn more. The different levels of Jooheon and the different layers of Minhyuk.
It was odd how these random facts would pop up and surprise the other, and how their heartbeats seemed to thump to the sound of the melody in the other’s laugh. Something about each other’s presence made them crave it when they had to part from one another for the day, it was as if a piece of them had been left behind. Without the other, they often thought about the things they shared or found out.
Minhyuk found out Jooheon is easily scared, to the point he would possess the mentality of a five-year old. His lips, mostly his bottom lip, would tremble and he would whine about wanting to go home or to watch something else. His body would form a small ball, and if anyone sat next to him, his head would hide in their shoulder. Jooheon would resemble a shaking chihuahua, and Minhyuk didn’t know whether to laugh or feel guilty. But exactly how did the brunette know this?
They took a break after revising and watched a movie trailer, the elder not knowing the younger’s sensitivity to horror. He got a great laugh out of it, but also found himself even more interested in Jooheon. Just how he wasn’t shy to show he was scared, and it made it seem like he was comfortable enough around Minhyuk to show that fear.
“I’m sorry, hyung. I just-``
''It’s okay, I can turn it off.”
It was the only words that were said in the span of an hour, but it left Minhyuk feeling more than he could imagine from just a broken sentence.
Jooheon learned that Minhyuk loved whales. It was odd at first, he had never heard of anyone who liked those creatures. It was brought up when the snowy-haired boy found a small whale keychain dangling from the elder’s pocket.
“Why do you love whales?” He asked ever so curiously, expecting a short answer. The younger expected a typical answer that everyone else would give, it must’ve been that they were cute or some other shallow reason. With him, it was different though.
His symbolic meaning of how the whale could take him places he wanted to be, and its size was big enough to bring the people he cared for, Minhyuk’s eyes had the smallest spark in them when talking about whales. It was an entirely different perspective and such a beautiful one too, and to believe he was brave enough to say it to someone he barely knew. The small smile he had when looking at his keychain of a whale, apologizing for looking like an idiot.
When, in retrospect, he looked absolutely stunning.
The silence in the hallway was surprisingly heavy, the dry air almost swallowing them whole. It was pining to wait for their grade and having to speak to deafen the silence they created. Minhyuk had his laptop in his arms, his feet kicking the non-existent rock on the floor.
“How do you think it went?” Minhyuk asked, not looking up to obtain eye contact. In all honesty, he didn’t feel too confident in his performance, he felt he lacked the elegance Jooheon had when he spoke.
He sounded so confident, the enunciation in his accent was quite nice compared to his own. The elder felt that he stuttered too much, or he talked too complex. The last thing he wanted to do was drag them both down to a lower grade, especially since Jooheon didn’t deserve it. He loved the subject, but just having to speak and knowing all his actions would affect his grade didn’t make him as confident as when he was Edward Lee.
“It went well, you did great. I think we’ll bag an A,” Jooheon tried to console the elder, leaning against the wall nearest Minhyuk. He could tell by his body language and tone that he didn’t have one optimistic bone in his body, which was the complete opposite of how he should actually feel.
Yes, Minhyuk stuttered, but he kept going. The tenacity the brunette had and how he refused to let a simple stutter get in his way, it was admirable. Using his sweater covered hands to stroke the elder’s arm, almost to comfort him. The elder’s heart fluttered at the soft stroke, how it was oddly comforting.
Minhyuk’s eyes looked at the grey sweater paw and he couldn’t help but smile, the white-haired boy was a gem. Walking to stand next to Jooheon, he leaned against the wall and rested his head on the younger’s shoulder. The sweater was chunky, it was like resting on a cloud.
It was as if time stopped, and their hearts along with it. Jooheon tried to not pull the other in a hug, just because. Minhyuk wanted to nuzzle his head into the younger’s, because why not? But when their hearts stopped, so did their bodies. Still. Their figures didn’t move, it was as if they were someone’s puppets. Their minds tried to make a move, but they were frozen. Only their lips could move, which Minhyuk’s did.
“What are your plans for this weekend?” He asked in a forced nonchalant way, trying to not let the awkwardness of their stance bother him. The brunette already knew what he had to do, CCam again. Minhyuk looked forward to it, to see the comments about how they lusted after him and share their filthy ideas of what they wanted to do to him.
But it also brought him back to that Saturday night, how it was as if he got possessed. What got into him, and how did he have the guts to also blow him showering? Those were his thoughts when he woke up that day and reading Jooheon’s note, a small smile on his face. His scribbles were messy and looked like the one a child would write, but it was so endearing at the same time; the younger’s innocent mind as he asked Minhyuk to eat well and rest properly, the brunette was beaming.
He kept the note in his drawer, aside from his better judgement.
“I’ll probably just relax since this is our last academic assessment. What abou-nevermind,” Jooheon interrupted himself, remembering who Minhyuk was. Edward Lee. The camboy he thought he would never meet, but there he was, resting his head against his shoulder, sharing a moment that tasted all too sweet.
That Saturday was almost a blur, like the cotton-haired boy wanted to forget the sex ever happened. The tingles, touches and sounds, they were all so muted in his mind and having them suddenly turn so vivid...he wanted to believe it was all a lie. To have the images in his head play out in front of him, it felt peculiar. His bun itched and his glasses kept slipping off his face, but he was too afraid to move. Too afraid to let this moment pass.
What had plagued them both and buried itself in the back of their minds was the question of what exactly were they? They both enjoyed the other’s presence and did talk outside of school, a lot of talking. They planned to go drink together if they got a decent grade, like a mini-celebration for just the two of them. Jooheon himself wasn’t a huge drinker, mostly due to his low tolerance for alcohol, finding the intoxicating liquid to be both slightly bitter and nauseating. But one shot wouldn’t hurt him.
“Hyung...you didn’t get in trouble for, uhm, that time?” Jooheon asked awkwardly, doubting that Minhyuk was let off easily if he remembered the content guidelines correctly. The brunette chuckled, nuzzling into a more comfortable position, and it felt so weird being this close to someone he met three weeks ago. They were strangers turned group partners turned friends. The bond they had was already so strong, but where was the line between friend and a non-platonic interest? Clearing his throat and hiding his smile, he went on to answer the younger’s question.
“I got a warning, which I was lucky to get. They said that since I was a fan favourite and it was my first strike, they’ll let me off. But I also got 10% extra cut from my salary so…”
Minhyuk never had anyone to talk to about his job and the persona he has to put forth with it. He had always imagined how it would’ve been to have someone who knew both him and Edward. To say those words he uttered out loud felt strange. He felt safe sharing the one thing he tried to hide from people, safe letting Jooheon into his world and telling him all about it. When he thought about it, this was the first time they had even discussed that night after it happened, every speck of their conversation was made to avoid that subject.
“Ah, so I assume you’ll have to be careful from now on. Sorry,” Jooheon almost whispered, feeling guilty for being at fault for his channel almost being taken down. If only he had controlled himself and not given in to his wants, maybe then Minhyuk wouldn’t have nearly lost his career. Feeling the light weight being lifted off his shoulder, he immediately turned to the side and saw a look of discontentment from the other. The elder’s lips were pouting and his eyes looked slightly downturned. It was...adorable, yet so terrifying.
Minhyuk hit him slightly and tried to convince Jooheon that it was never his fault, it was all his. After all, the elder was the one who gave in and practically mouthed to the younger that he wanted to be fucked. He knew it would bring consequences, he knew it could get his channel taken down. Nevertheless, the incubus in him preyed on Jooheon’s body and didn’t give a damn about the aftermath. Minhyuk didn’t regret it at all, he just never thought that he would feel some type of way afterwards.
“You know...they loved Jax,” Minhyuk stated in a questionable manner, Jooheon’s brows raising. He completely forgot about his alter-ego, which was made up on the spot. The blood rose up to his cheeks, sliding his glasses up again to prevent them from falling.
Jax; it suited him in a weird way. The name made warmth start to bloom in his chest, the reminder that it made them look like a real couple making the warmth spark into an intense fire. Jax and Edward Lee. Jooheon’s mind started taking him to these peculiar places, where they both sat in a meadow. They weren’t being lustful, but rather loving. They wore their masquerade masks, but their nature was far from sinful. It was...pure.
“Okay, don’t get ahead of yourself now Jax,”
“Minhyuk-hyung, how did you even come up with that name?” He asked smugly and now it was the other’s turn to blush. It was in the moment the name just came out, it fit him perfectly. At that moment, when his mind was hazy and body was being wrecked, God knows what else he would end up saying if he wasn’t too busy trying to breathe.
“I don’t know, guess it just came out,” He mumbled and tried to not let his blush show, the heat making his face itch. Jooheon only chuckled and almost ruffles Minhyuk’s hair on instinct, but held himself back. It would be weird, inappropriate.
Right?
The door opened and their attention went from each other’s gaze to the sound, Ms. Bang’s head peeking out.
“You can come in now,” she said softly, the two students looked at each other in both fear and giddiness. Minhyuk hoped he didn’t drag Jooheon down to a grade the snow-haired boy didn’t deserve. Jooheon was excited to see the elder be all giddy and happy, the only way he wanted to see him.
“TO US!” Minhyuk cheered and clinked his shot glass with Jooheon’s, who happily drank the burning alcohol after the small toast. The grade was one that neither of them expected, especially Minhyuk. It was agonizing how Ms. Bang summarized their presentation and his mind kept analyzing every word she said, somehow making the sweet comments give him a bitter taste in his mouth.
The moments of him stuttering, being grammatically incorrect and stopping midway, feeling both the teacher and Jooheon’s eyes on him. It was horrible and gut wrenching at the time, but as soon as the sound of A+ fell from their teacher’s lips, it all seemed to melt away.
Squinting at the bitter taste of the alcohol, Minhyuk felt his insides slowly die. Any sort of intoxication was not something he could tolerate, but he was too indulged in their moment together. They were celebrating and Jooheon was glowing. He had this foolish smile as he easily drank the liquid, not even disgusted. The light was illuminating his clear face and his eyes glittered as he chomped the meat as if it was his last meal. The elder smiled to himself and poured himself another glass, feeling daring.
And so they chugged.
And they chugged.
And chugged.
Jooheon’s low tolerance certainly showed in his behaviour. Everything wasn’t blurry, but it made him nauseous. He would see the chairs have small spirals that went inward and the colours faded slowly. His glasses were in his bag, only contributing to his upcoming headache the following morning. Empty, he felt so empty yet he had so much to say. His mind was a havoc of feelings and opinions, it still felt like his mouth was sewn shut.
The place they were in was nearly empty, but the sounds of the cars agonized him. He wanted to yell and he wanted to cry, but he couldn’t. It was as if each breath Jooheon wasted made the void in him bigger and bigger, so he kept quiet. Instead he foolishly smiled at those spirals he saw and the random thoughts that would cross his mind. The alcohol that flowed in his system was slowly making him sleepy, and overly emotional. But, like any human, he didn’t show those emotions.
Minhyuk wasn’t any better, in fact he was the complete opposite from the younger. He couldn’t stop talking, each word rolling off his tongue too easily despite not making any sense. His nose was stuffy for some reason, and he had an acidic feeling stuck in his throat. The munchies kicked in and if he was sober, he would have thrown up over the amount of Saltines he ate. Looking over at Jooheon, or rather the Jooheons, the brunette couldn’t help but smile. He liked seeing one of them, but now seeing four...what a treat!
“Jooheon-ah!” Minhyuk squealed and flung his arms around the younger’s neck, dragging him closer to be able to sniff his hair. The other didn’t budge, he nearly fell asleep. The black turtleneck Minhyuk wore was so soft and big, Jooheon could feel his heartbeats as he was pressed against his chest. It smelled so good, a perfect blend of pumpkin and vanilla, two of the best aphrodisiacs there is. The smell only contributed into making the brunette’s mental ruse even stronger, and his hands slid down to the cotton-haired boy’s hips.
Minhyuk smiled goofily to himself, and giggled as Jooheon jumped back in fear. The younger tried to let the elder know they were still in public, but Minhyuk couldn’t find it in himself to care. Drunk Minhyuk never cared and typically had no shame; he knew what he wanted and drunk Minhyuk typically got what he wanted.
“Jooheon-ah...wanna know something?” He mischievously whispered, giving a cheeky smile as he waited for the younger’s answer.
The younger stared wide-eyed at Minhyuk with his lips slightly parted, nodding slowly confused and leaning back in to listen. They were really out of it, not thinking clearly of what was being said and what wasn’t. The brunette tried to stop his fit of giggles, leaning on towards Jooheon’s ear. His hair had a faint smell of fruits, most likely his conditioner. It was so yummy, Minhyuk nearly buried his nose in Jooheon’s hair. But no, he had something to say. The sober part of him tried to convince him to not say it or he would regret it the morning after, but the part of him under the influence told him to just go for it.
“You’re thicker than a bowl of oatmeal,”
Minhyuk giggled as he said those words, feeling as if he told someone else’s secret instead of something he had in his mind for the past week. Jooheon’s eyes widened even more before he let those words sink in, letting out a soft laugh of his own. He was so out of it and in any situation he would’ve been weirded out by those words. However, when you chugged some martinis and single handedly downed at least 2 bottles of soju, everything sounds like a work done by F Scott Fitzgerald. He had no answer to what the elder had said, no way to formulate something as cheeky as what Minhyuk had just told him. Soft laughter seemed to be plenty and just enough for this moment between them..
Feeling the sudden need to lie down, the younger knew it was time to go home. He also felt that maybe Minhyuk shouldn’t go home alone, not when it was midnight.
“Hyung, we shou-uld head home,” Jooheon stuttered and attempted to get out of the booth, his fingers holding a small piece of Minhyuk’s turtleneck to try to get the elder to come with him. Hitting his calf on the table leg, he nearly fell before regaining his composure.
“I’m fine!” He yelled to the empty restaurant, the worker being weirded out by the sudden cry. The elder followed him, using his hands to hold the other’s fingers and get him to hold hands with him.
“MEAT LADY, TAXI!”
“Shuuuush, they’ll hear us,” Minhyuk spoke loudly into Jooheon’s ear, thinking he was whispering towards the intoxicated younger who tried his best to open the door to his own house. To Jooheon, the alcohol felt like it was starting to wear off slightly, but the intoxicated haze was fogging his mind and vision as he fumbled with his keys.
His arm was tired from having it wrapped around the elder’s waist and having to use his strength to keep Minhyuk up. The brunette was too busy talking about how the entryway to his apartment reeked of roast chicken and vomit. Jooheon had to stop himself and laugh as soon as Minhyuk cut himself to change the subject and sing a little song.
Everything was a little too amusing right now.
The key finally got into the keyhole and Jooheon turned it with a smile still etched on his plush lips, opening the door and dragging himself and the drunken Lee inside before closing the door. As the temperature grew warmer, it seemed as if the sudden change made them collapse on the floor in exhaustion.
The cotton-haired beauty felt the back of his head hurt from the impact, his eyes opening to the boy lying next to him. Using his foot to shut the door, he groaned at how the impact hurt his temple. Minhyuk was moaning at how his chin hurt, his eyes squinting as he let his complaints fill the not-so-empty space between them.
“Jax, it hurts,” He mumbled under his breath, instantly catching Jooheon’s attention.
“What did you say?” Jooheon mumbled back, suddenly liking how the floor felt. It was uncomfortably solid, yet it was so calming to lie down on it and just stare at Minhyuk. How his complexion seemed more washed out, the colour of his lips seeming darker with how pale he was. His striking brown eyes were half-opened, looking back at Jooheon. The younger brought his hand up to the brunette’s face, his fingers caressing his cheek. He heard Jax, the name the other had created for him, but there had to be a reason for it, why would Minhyuk say that?
“I said Jax...am I not your Edward?” Minhyuk asked, the phlegmatic and melancholy tone that coated his words made the white-haired male’s chest ache. He couldn’t tell if he was starting to sober up, if the other was starting to sober up or if they both were still under the influence. Jooheon hummed slightly and let his fingers trace the corner of Minhyuk’s lips, his chest fluttering.
“You are Jax’s Edward, but I want you to be someone else,” Jooheon hiccuped, giggling for a split second before his mood shifted back to the somber solemnity he had created.
Minhyuk felt his interest peak, but also his hopes diminish. The soju was making him emotional and slightly irritated, he wanted to slap Jooheon’s hand away. But he was so tired and the floor was so cozy. The other’s touch was so caring, like a palpable lullaby.
“Who do you want me to be then, mmhm?” He tried to ask as clearly as he could, the hardwood floor squishing his cheeks and making his words seemed almost squished and incoherent. Minhyuk could only be the roles he was given, which were many. A son, student, friend, rival, and camboy. Which one was the one Jooheon craved, the one he wanted the brunette to be?
“I want you to be Minhyuk. Sweet, little Minhyuk,” Jooheon said quietly, as if saying the words any louder would burn him. His hand fell down to the ground as the confession made the silence between them heavy. It was so corny, especially coming from Jooheon, who was too afraid to say anything else. All he could do was look at the boy across from him, admiring the sight as long as he could, as long as Minhyuk would let him. Tomorrow meant Saturday, which meant broadcasting day. He used to look forward to it, or that’s what he thought. Seeing how empty he felt after that revelation, he thought to himself. What did Jax want and what did Jooheon need?
Jax was excited, even though he knew he wouldn’t participate this time. Just the thought of being able to see his body again made him jittery as well as the delicious memory of having his hands on the elder’s perfect and narrow hips, and finally being able to hear those moans with no distortion or having to raise the volume on his laptop. It was only once, but Jax still had this small thought or hope inside him that was hungry for more. And he would be sure to grant his cravings. So maybe watching him from a screen wouldn’t be so bad, because it was how Jax kept himself going. He knew, deep down, that he would always be able to touch his Edward.
But Jooheon didn’t want to go back to the loneliness in his room, the corners that would slowly build up on him and strangle him. The times he stayed up at night, too occupied in his thoughts that sleeping became non-existent. However, the corners slowly retreated the minute Minhyuk came into his life. The brunette who made Jooheon feel calm, safe, and that someone felt like he was important. It was this boy who made the loneliness blossom into something less sad, he filled the vacancy Jooheon didn’t know he wanted to fill.
The elder tried to digest those words, but it felt like a lie. It had to be. Jooheon only stayed with Minhyuk because he was Edward, the camboy. Wasn’t that why he spent countless nights sleeping over, in hopes of getting laid? Isn’t that the reason he even went out for a drink with him, so ‘Edward’ could give him some?
“Don’t lie, no one wants Minhyuk,” He answered bitterly, pushing himself up and sitting on his knees. His cheek was stiff, moving his face to make the uncomfortable sensation go away. He felt slightly more sober, not fully but he felt the alcohol unravel the harsh reality to him.
Edward was more important to Jooheon than Minhyuk could ever be.
The white-haired male quickly sat up, looking at the other with both fear and confusion. He didn’t understand what made the other think the way he did, not when it was all lies. This sudden insecurity that glazed Minhyuk’s words made Jooheon’s chest ache, whether in pity or guilt Jooheon couldn’t tell. He could only show through his words how much Minhyuk was the opposite of whatever thought he had inside his pretty head.
“I want Minhyuk, dumbo. I want the boy who loves whales, and loves them with the most adorable and beautiful reasons. I want the boy who makes me cry of laughter every time he tells his crazy stories, and I never have to force a laugh with that boy. I want the boy who attentively listens to the bullshit I say and whose smile can make my day better by 80%.
Edward is just someone I see every Saturday, he’s not you. With you, I can talk about my stupid obsession with Marvel and I feel so safe around you. I feel safe around Minhyuk-hyung,” Jooheon confessed, his chest feeling emptier for each word he uttered.
The brunette could only be silent, he didn’t know what to say. Deep inside, he wanted to believe it was a lie, that the younger only said it for the hell of it and to make the heaviness go away. There was no real meaning behind it, it was only artificial care. However, there was a hint of sincerity in Jooheon’s eyes as he spoke, even when he finished.
The elder couldn’t describe it, but it made a lump form in his throat that he couldn’t swallow down. He never knew this was the effect he had on the other, it sounded too good to be true. Scooting closer to the boy, his hands lightly caressed the other’s as he tried to come up with something to say.
Sighing brokenly, he felt the lump in his throat get bigger. Minhyuk felt cold for some reason, the shivers running down his arms and sides. Looking at the other with pure devotion, his gaze went down to his lips and he couldn’t stop the silent laugh from escaping him. Jooheon had a small piece of peppercorn on his lip, it looked like a beauty mark. Leaning his head closer to the younger, his eyes were fixated on his lips and the small black mark.
“You have something...right there,”
And then he let his lips mend together with Jooheon’s.
The taste of alcohol combined with the small hint of black pepper, the soft skin of his rosy lips almost melting into Minhyuk’s. The younger’s hand disconnected itself from the floor and rose up to the other’s neck, pulling him closer as he himself went deeper into the kiss.
The brunette’s lips tasted like soju, but it wasn't offputting. It was something about how his emotions were poured into the kiss and making his lips taste sweeter, how the saltiness of the tears didn’t seem to be an obstacle. Jooheon gave his all, moving his lips according to the melody that was meant for only them.
Minhyuk scooted closer and used his hands to pull his shirt to get him closer if that was even possible anymore, his fist holding his chunky sweater tightly. The haziness around them seemed to get lighter for each second that passed by, Jooheon’s soft moans filling the air around them. It fit so perfectly, their lips were the two lost pieces in an incomplete puzzle. The cotton-haired beauty was the first one to pull away, the linger from the other’s skin tingling his lips.
The brunette smiled to himself, the kiss felt so real, but it couldn’t have been His fingers went up to his lips and he could still feel the other’s lips on his own, the small pricks dancing across the red skin.
“You had something on your lips,” He smiled warmly, his hand holding Jooheon’s, that was wrapped around his own neck. His thumb stroked the softness of the other’s hand, not knowing what to say anymore. Should words even be exchanged, their kiss already spilled both of their emotions into a muddle of affection.
Jooheon smiled, sliding his hand away from Minhyuk’s neck and touch. Holding the elder’s hand in his own, he stood up and led him to his bedroom. As dark as it was in his apartment, he found it easy to locate to the room. Minhyuk only trailed along, not wanting to dwell too much into his own thought of what they might do together, when that wasn’t what mattered. What mattered was that he was loved, the version of him that needed it most this feeling. Edward had all the love in the world, it was Minhyuk who was left in the dark. When you look away from his medals and trophies in swimming and his status as a CEO’s son, he was alone.
Not even his parents could fill that void.
But maybe this white-haired angel could.
Turning on the light, Jooheon was relieved when he saw that his room wasn’t all that messy. Of course the bed could use some tidying and maybe those bottles could be kept somewhere else, but at least his underwear wasn’t lying around freely, even his desk was clean and it didn’t smell like death. The brunette looked at the desk and noticed the lotion and tissue-paper, stifling a laugh.
“Is t-that were you watch me?” Minhyuk teased, not being able to hold in his laugh at how embarrassed the younger looked.
“Let’s just sleep, hm?” Jooheon mumbled in a nervous tone, scurrying over to his bed with Minhyuk following. It wasn’t particularly irritating, he just didn’t expect him to notice or even make the remark. The elder nodded, flinging himself on the bed with the younger landing on top of him. He forgot, their hands were linked. The impact of Jooheon’s body being thrown onto him made him groan. But then, he could only laugh.They sure are a mess, but they were good like this. Together.
Jooheon rolled over to the other side, looking up at his own ceiling. The mutually seemed to like where they were, refusing to let go of one another’s hand.. Minhyuk got closer to the other, turning his body 180 degrees. Jooheon slowly turned when noticing the other doing so, smiling lightly at him. Minhyuk nuzzled closer to his body, his head digging into his chest.
“You smell nice,” He whispered innocently, curling himself into a small ball with Jooheon as his teddy-bear.
The younger wrapped his arm around the other’s frail self, pulling him closer to his own frame. Almost instinctively, he wrapped his leg around Minhyuk’s body and used his hand to stroke his hair. It was so soft and luscious, Jooheon’s fingers twirled each strand softly before letting it be. Kissing his head before burying his own head into his soft pillow, he closed his eyes and opened his ears as he listened to the soft exhales Minhyuk let out.
They were so quiet, but how the exhales slowly filled the void inside Jooheon was remarkable. How they hit his shirt and made the younger’s chest tickle, the tender impacts also making him doze off. His eyes got heavy, the lids diffusing the light for each second and for each huff that hit his chest. Sighing one last time, letting his worries and anxiety go, Jooheon gave in and his eyes were closed. It didn’t take too long before the alcohol brought him to a colourful space filled with flowers, his dreamland.
And finally.
He was at peace.
LOVEBJS
HE’S BACK!!!!
SUCKWARDLEE
I’VE BEEN WAITING!! *Sent 650 Cherries*
EDWARDFOREVER!!!
OMG IS JAX RETURNING???
Jooheon observed the comments and blushed to himself at how a small minority of them remembered him, or rather, Jax. It was the talk of Edward’s forum for a good three weeks, as it was something new and also so scandalous. It was, since it was unorthodox from Edward’s usual streams and it was a real shock factor. It was entirely unplanned and unexpected, which is what actually made Jax so popular. CCam’s policy demanded that it should strictly be an one-man show, but only because they didn’t want to be labeled as a pornsite.
Kinda hard when they won’t even censor the dicks, but let’s let them believe what they want.
Minhyuk’s mask missed a gem around his eye-area, the white ornament made the mask seem...off. It didn’t carry the same elegance as before, it seemed to falter as much as it pained the white-haired boy to admit. It was such a technicality to point out, but when you’re a fan, these details somehow matter. The smallest details create a foundation for your imagination, and it’s like missing out one ingredient in a cake. It’s not the same.
“Ah, some of you still seem to thirst for Jax. Am I not enough?” Edward spoke and faked a somber gaze, the comments being faster than light at making sure he was enough.
Jooheon sat with his pulled up pants and full attention on Edward, not intending to jack off today. Just seeing how they practically cuddled all night, it didn’t feel appropriate. To lust over someone suddenly wasn’t as desirable as it used to be, despite having Eros himself behind his screen.
Edward giggled at how the comments seemed so rushed and anxious, it was as if they thought he would end the broadcast right there. He played with a strand of his brown hair, giving his audience a sultry but also shy look.
“You know, I would love to have Jax here,” The brunette purred out. “I know you would too, right? If wanting me kicked out is your wish. Enough talking, let’s just get on with our show, hmm?”
The brunette smirked and was just about to bring out his toy, until he stopped completely. It was such a quick switch, how the sensuality turned dark all of a sudden. He stared at his own bedsheet, and Jooheon stared at him. What was he doing, he’s supposed to take out a sex toy and be a camboy. Instead, he looked so lost and forlorn, as if he was miserable. The comments thought the same, some tried to lift the mood and say he probably got possessed by the fired camboys on CCam. Edward looked up at the camera, and he seemed so different.
He turned into Minhyuk.
“I-I, uh, shit,” He stumbled and went to turn of the camera, small tears making his eyes have a grim gleam to them. The screen turned black and the white-haired boy felt his stomach jump into his throat, a sickening feeling of worry arising inside him.
Jooheon immediately grabbed his phone to pocket it and rushed out, knowing the boy needed someone. It was instinct and almost a reflex, how the first thing he didn’t do was call him instead. Something said to him the brunette was not okay. Minhyuk’s eyes held some sort of regret and contempt, complete opposite from the day before. He didn’t bother to close his laptop, where the comments got aggressively worrisome.
SUCKWARDLEE
OMG IS HE OKAY???
EDWARDFOREVER!!!
This isn’t like him….
MADHATTER
Damn, I pulled out my dick for nothing.
LOVEBJS
Response to @MADHATTER: SRSLY DUDE WTF, HE LOOKED SCARED AND ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS YOUR DICK???
Jooheon flung on a jacket and opened the door, the cold air nipping at his exposed cheeks being unexpected. It was 10PM, so some frost was expected. Locking the door quickly, he ran through his pockets to see if he could find his car keys. As he paced to his car, he couldn’t feel the thick block that could open his vehicle. Of course he forgot it, but he couldn't go back. It would be a waste of time, and something inside him needed to be by Minhyuk’s side and needed to make sure the elder was okay.
Letting his feet speed to the other’s home, Jooheon’s eyes were focused ahead as his legs followed the map his brain gave him. It was too far away, fifteen minutes by car but probably half an hour by foot. It’s too much time, at least for the younger. He needed to be there as fast as he could, for Minhyuk.
His brain kept replaying the last minute of his stream, how every detail of his face excluded a horrifying sadness. His fingers were by his thigh and he seemed to scratch it, maybe a habit. The small scar was being picked on, it made Jooheon even more anxious and twice as desperate to reach Minhyuk’s apartment.
Minhyuk heard knocks on the door, but he couldn’t stand up from the floor. He was frozen, even though he knew the person he betrayed was behind the wooden entrance. He was only in his underwear, the cold floor spreading its soft frost around his thighs. Hearing the door open, he only hid himself further into his knees, too scared to confront Jooheon. His silent tears would be his only way of any warmth, even though the blood around his eyes and flushed nose was a tell-tale sign that his tears were his loudest screams.
Jooheon tried his luck and pulled the handle down, surprised when the door opened right away. Normally he would scold the elder to not be reckless when it comes to security, but he was thankful Minhyuk was reckless this time. Rushing through the hallway and into the living room, he felt his heart shattered at the sight of a broken Minhyuk. His bare back allowed his spine to be shown, his shoulder touched his ears as his knees protected his face. It hurt, the quiet. How it only made the pit in the cotton-haired male’s stomach grow bigger, and it only fueled the bitterness in the silence. What could he say, he had no idea what had happened. What had made him crumble, Jooheon didn’t know.
It was shame.
Guilt.
Filth.
“I’m so sorry. Jooheon, I’m so sorry,” Minhyuk whispered, a small choke strangling his raw voice as he slowly lifted his head, showing his flushed face. The tears had dried and made his cheeks red, his eyes were swollen with the whites bloodshot and presumably sore. Jooheon’s mind was swarming with all kinds of words in an attempt to comfort him, but how could he when he had no idea why the other was sorry. Minhyuk wiped his dried tears with the palm of his thumb, trying to compose himself.
Jooheon carefully sat down next to him, keeping an appropriate distance. Something inside him pushed him to get closer, but the little voice that nagged at him in the back of his head argued to keep a distance.
“What do you mean?” Jooheon asked, trying to tread lightly in what seemed to be shattering ice. The ice could crack at any given moment, and let them be submerged in cold water that slowly wrapped its merciless hands around your body and dragged you further down its hole. It’s unfortunate how Jooheon was the one walking on this ice, but Minhyuk is the one drowning.
Minhyuk’s breathing was irregular, shaky and it seemed like his respiratory system was failing him. He tried to find a way to formulate his thoughts into coherent sentences, to make order of the mess inside his fragile head.
“How can I do my job when it feels like I’m deceiving you? It’s not the same anymore, it feels...dirty. The things I do, to please people, I can’t do it. You don’t deserve someone who sells themselves, you deserve someone who can be yours and only yours. I used to love the attention, but it’s not worth it. Not if it hurts you,” Minhyuk let a sob fall passed chapped lips, the tears starting to flow down his cheeks once again.
They weren’t dating, yet it felt like cheating. In his mind, the guilt would slowly wrap itself around his thoughts and make everything his fault. He was the flaw and Jooheon was the victim. Just weeks ago, he loved being the center of attention, everybody’s perfect wet dream. The dream was now a mere nightmare, slowly seeping into Minhyuk’s heart and tainting it with the filth it made him believe he deserved.
Jooheon let the elder’s words sink in, feeling the ice slightly crack. From Minhyuk’s perspective it made sense, but from his own his mindset was different. It was his body, he could do whatever he wanted with it. It seemed to be toxic now, something that seemed to pain him. Jooheon knew it was something the brunette used to love, at least from when they talked about it prior to their confession last night. To the younger, it was no issue. What mattered was Minhyuk’s happiness and comfort, and it didn’t seem to be with him at this moment.
“Minhyuk-hyung, I don’t want you to feel like this when in reality, it’s your body so it’s your rules. If anything, I do and will always support you 100% in anything you do, as long as you’re happy and content. But right now...do you feel happy?” Jooheon asked, getting closer to Minhyuk. The aura around the elder was grey, a ghastly grey. Usually, it was a bright yellow, like the sun. Bright, warm and making the day less tiresome and worrisome.
Right now, Jooheon’s sun was hiding behind the grey skies.
The brunette wanted to scoot closer, to feel the sweet warmth of the other. He wanted so desperate to drown in the comfort and warmth Jooheon always seemed to radiate but he was stuck in his place, too afraid to move. He himself was afraid of cracking the ice, afraid of eventually falling and being swallowed whole by the cold bitterness that was isolation. Was being a camboy the reason for him to fall, especially since he lost meaning in it? He would be stuck underwater if he continued, he knew that for a fact. Minhyuk always loved the attention, to be the focus. However, a single boy made him feel what he wanted to feel from the people around him. Just in the span of a few weeks.
It’s a sensation you feel that consumes you when they’re gone, because it reminds you of just how good you feel around them. The blossoming sensation, the pure rush. Your mind replays their smallest things like a never-ending movie, with you as the only viewer. You can’t help but smile; melancholy becomes an illusion with them around. The feeling of longing, it’s bittersweet. The longing makes you have something to look forward to, it’s just how slow time passes by that slowly tears your heartstrings.
You’re with them and you’re never bored, even in the moments of heavy silence. You taught yourself to be appreciative of the little things you’re given, like being able to have them sitting across from you in their natural state. Although every fraction of them seems to be handmade by the angels, seeing them focused brings out the pretty little things that make them...them.
They’re perfect and your missing piece and set you on an unexpected high, a flood of emotions. It’s the rush of intimacy and sensations that clump together to form a phenomenon no one is able to describe, not even the greatest poets. The emotion that is able to make you feel a thousand things at once, but still having one emotion in the center. The emotion that makes someone your everything.
Love.
“I-I...I have to think. I don’t know, I just-”
“No need to explain, I understand. Let’s get you to sleep, hmm?” Jooheon suggested, trying to not focus on the bare areas of Minhyuk’s body.
“Not. The. Time. Lee. Jooheon,” His mind scolded, his hand finding the courage to carefully stroke Minhyuk’s back lightly. Fuck, his skin is so soft. The mellowness of the sun-kissed glow that decorated him, He could feel the small indents of his spine and how thin he was. Snaking his arm to the curve of Minhyuk’s waist, trying to not let his thoughts cloud his vision with lust.
The coldness of Jooheon’s hand startled Minhyuk, who stood up before he could let the younger’s touch influence him further.
“You should maybe stay? I-it’s late and I don’t want you t-to go out in the cold,” The brunette offered, feeling shivers spread from the area where the whitehead’s hands were. They were light, yet firm and it made the elder feel safe. Somewhere in the safety net that was being built, was also slight desire.
Minhyuk walked to his room, trying to shake off this feeling that seemed to creep up on him. Hearing the pitter patter of Jooheon’s feet behind him, each step slowly making his skin crawl and form goosebumps, he entered the room he slept in. Even though he had two, one for livestreams and his actual room, the latter was the opposite of the one downstairs. Instead of oozing with sexuality and sin, it was as if Jooheon entered into a child’s room. Even though he had been there before, it still felt as new as if it was the first time everytime.
A few whale accessories on his nightstand, his bed in the corner of the room with a big window just above it. There was a big white whale that illuminated the small darkness around the nightstand, also the small tiara on the table next to the bed caught the white-headed boy’s eye. Wonder why he had that. The room wasn’t dirty, the opposite and quite clean compared to Jooheon’s. The bed itself was double-sized, grey duvets covering the white bedsheet.
“Aren’t you cold?” The younger asked as he looked around for a sweater, even a t-shirt, something to cover Minhyuk with. It was freezing, the goosebumps covering his arm and how his nails seemed paler than usual. Seeing the Versace robe hanging, the memories flooding back like a tsunami, he hesitantly grabbed it from the nook and gave it to Minhyuk.
Swallowing when seeing the clothing that brought back that day, the touch and sounds came back. How Jooheon’s thin fingers would wrap themselves around the depth of his waist as he moved, a pain so addicting that the brunette felt his cheeks get hot. Grabbing the robe and putting it on quickly, trying to not let his own lustful thoughts drive him mental.
“Do you need a change of clothes? Sleeping in jeans can’t be comfortable,” Minhyuk asked, nearly whispered, thinking back to that Friday.
“I can sleep without, no problem,” Jooheon unbuttoned his jeans and slid them off, revealing this muscular thighs and defined calves. The heat in Minhyuk’s got stronger and he rushed to his bed, lying down on the side closest to the wall. It felt so reminiscent, even lying in bed brought back the rigidness of that night.
The brunette’s lower half suddenly tingled, like it longed for the same pain he was given back then. Jooheon was only in a t-shirt, his jacket hanging from the nook where the brunette’s robe previously was. How the material just covered his boxer, the bareness excluding from his body being a breathtaking sight.
“Fuck fuck fuck.”
Jooheon lied down next to Minhyuk, facing him with the faux bravery he thought Minhyuk needed. The elder was obviously conflicted, having to balance two different sets of values. All the white-haired boy wanted to do was to show the other how much he was loved, that someone was there for him. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have ran for half an hour and almost running into a pole when facing an unexpected curve. The other part of him wanted Minhyuk to rest, especially since crying could quickly make one sleepy.
“I’m not tired,” Jooheon chuckled, staring light-heartedly at Minhyuk, who chuckled in return. His cheeks were dried up from the tears, and his under eyes were itchy. In his mind, he probably looked like a human turning into a zombie.
“Me neither, my head slightly hurts,” He whimpered and the parent in Jooheon activated, scooting closer to the other’s body. It was nearly as their breaths mixed together, an unseen fume that mended together almost too perfectly.
“How much did you cry, love? Do you want me to get you some water?” Jooheon asked as he stroked Minhyuk’s cheek with his thumb, the blood decorating the whites of his eyes worrying the younger. To see him in such a drained mood reminded him of an injured child, the glossy eyes and the small pout. The robe draped over his shoulders touched his cheek lightly, the material making his skin look golden.
“No, stay,” Minhyuk scooted closer, wanting to feel the aura around the other. It could be compared to an amethyst, violette and calming. The grazing of Jooheon’s thumb and how it traced the trails of his dried tears, making him start craving. Bringing his hand and holding Jooheon’s hand, he closed his eyes as he let the younger’s touch calm him from the eternal conflict inside him. The other smiled and continued his grazing, admiring the little things surrounding Lee Minhyuk. His scars, the fold of his eyelids. His masquerade mask hid these things, and Jooheon was glad his mask missed that gem.
The gem was now in Minhyuk’s eyes.
Jooheon got closer, their noses nearly touching. The redness in Minhyuk’s cheeks and the slight puff around his eyes seemed so much bigger up close, even the transparent trails of his tears could be seen. Even though the elder had stopped crying, a part of him was still in pain. Kissing his cheek lightly, he moved his fingers from Minhyuk’s cheeks to his shoulder.
“I never want to see you cry ever again,” Jooheon murmured and placed small kisses on his cheeks, creating a stream of tender pecks down to his neck.
The brunette lightly hummed as the tingle of Jooheon’s soft pecks littered his neck, feeling his stomach churn as his skin formed larger goosebumps. He was now clenching the younger’s hand, his soft exhales filling the tension he had created in his mind. Exactly where was this going?
“Jooheon-ah, please,” He breathed out as he felt the robe being pulled away and the pecks moving around his chest.
The delicacy of Minhyuk’s skin didn’t make Jooheon want to stop, not when he exhaled his name out like that. With such vulnerability that it made the younger want to hear more, feel more. Bringing his head up to Minhyuk’s, he flashed his dimples and leaned in slowly, closing his eyes as he let his lips melt into the other’s. The brunette closed his eyes and snaked his hand around Jooheon’s neck, bringing him closer. A void inside him was filled with beautiful daisies, the thin petals touching every corner of his heart.
The symphony in their kiss couldn’t be compared to any other kiss both of them experienced. How it fit so perfectly and it felt so missed, like the answer to an impossible question. On the outside, they were like oil and water. The chromaticism, brown and white. The athlete swimmer and what some would call a social flop. Although he wasn’t, Jooheon’s lack of interaction with Minhyuk’s extroverted nature was a clear assumption that they would never fit.
How wrong they are.
Minhyuk’s hand trailed down to the hem of the other’s shirt, sliding under and dragging the material up. Jooheon’s stomach retracted when he felt the sudden cold touch, a small moan being heard into the kiss. Taking his hand away from the elder’s cheek, he slid it under his robe, his finger tracing the indents of his stomach. Pulling away, Minhyuk retreated his hand from Jooheon’s stomach and let the other’s touch hypnotize him. Muted purrs would fill the silence, the white-haired boy using his finger to slowly let his touch linger.
“Are you sure?” Minhyuk mumbled, knowing this would go somewhere. He had enough experience to know when something was going in that direction, but this time...it wasn’t fueled by his fervor. There was something about the thick tension between them that wasn’t sexual, but rather affectionate. The younger, who’s finger stopped moving, looked at Minhyuk fondly. The sensation of affection was mutual, and the thick wall between them was a wall he wanted to break. These borders they had created, Jooheon wanted to tear them down. Nodding, he watched as Minhyuk lifted his body off the bed and climbed on top of him.
He truly looked stunning, the way the robe flowed and made him look like a princess. His face looked less puffy, the redness had calmed down and given him a virtuous hue to his sun-kissed glow. Minhyuk leaned over and kissed Jooheon, his hands sliding down his boxers and carefully stroking his member. It was a light touch, yet the intensity of the bolts sending up the younger’s spine. A shaky exhale pushed itself out of the younger’s lips when Minhyuk pulled away, his own puffs of air leaving as he moved down to Jooheon’s crotch.
A part of Jooheon wanted to pull him back up, not wanting him to do anything. In this scenery, he wanted to give the love and not recieve it. Yet, the way Minhyuk seemed to let his movements be slow and his stare was so adoring...how could he say no? The brunette tugged the edge of the other’s boxers, the younger lifting his upper body and giving him the opportunity to drag his underwear down and revealing his hard-on. Minhyuk’s hand wrapped itself around Jooheon’s member, carefully stroking it before leaning his head down.
“Y-you don’t ha-oh,” Jooheon interrupted himself and felt his member enter a humid warmth. The elder’s tongue swirled around and coated every inch of him, the heat forming in Jooheon’s lower half gradually getting stronger.
Minhyuk’s head bobbed up and down slowly while he let his mouth cover Jooheon’s member with his saliva, his hand holding the shaft as he let the other’s moans fuel him. Occasionally, ever so often he would use his hand to pump slowly and have the two motions drive the other insane.
Their first time wasn’t like this, even in the shower. Back then, the sensation of being blowed with the hot water streaming down from the showerhead and it kept Jooheon from savouring that specific moment. With only the bed and them, it felt as if his body was floating on clouds and his soul would leave his body any moment. Minhyuk managed to hit every nerve in his body with only his tongue and it made the younger’s thighs quiver, his breathing couldn’t stabilize when his chest had closed the airways and only opened them whenever.
The minutes with Minhyuk blowing Jooheon went by so slow, everything went in slow motion. “Fuck.” Jooheon breathed out, his hands covering his eyes and his lower body pushed itself out and forcing his dick further into the elder’s mouth. To Minhyuk, he was close to almost choking. Small tears formed in the corner of his eyes, but he fought through.
The brunette looked up through his lashes, seeing Jooheon throw his head back when he deep-throated his length. A small series of curses left the younger’s mouth, Minhyuk brought his head up and used his hand to carefully stroke it as he felt his own pool of warmth form in his stomach. The precum was oozing out and dripping down onto his hand, the stickiness seeping into the small cracks between the elder’s fingers.
“Are you okay, Heon-ah?” Minhyuk meekly asked as his hand carefully stroked the member once before letting go, hearing the heavy exhale of Jooheon gave him a sign that it may not be. Bringing his lower half to sit on top of Jooheon, he felt the younger’s member press up against his clothed behind. Giggling to himself and leaning in for a kiss, he ignored how odd his hand felt and focused on Jooheon. The only Jooheon for him.
“I’m fine, babe. You?” He mumbled before letting the brunette kiss him, a small hum signifying the elder’s wellbeing.
Minhyuk stretched his arm out for his cupboard for the condom, he felt the small sting of his tiara. Damnit, he forgot to put it back on the other cupboard.
“Shit.” He broke the kiss and hissed, looking over to his side to get a better view of the placement. Jooheon noticed and looked over as well, seeing the tiara sitting there. The small diamonds placed perfectly in the center of those flowers, all bundled up with a mix of baby blue and light purple as the leaves. In between the flowers, round silver beads were sitting on a piece of glittery string, adding a certain dimension to the crown.
In other words, Jooheon wanted Minhyuk to wear it.
“Who gave you this?” Jooheon asked and picked up the tiara, feeling as if it would break if he was too rough. The sharp ends of the flowers poked his palm as he slowly turned it around, the light above them reflecting and making small hexagons on the wall.
“A fan sent it to me in the mail, I haven’t tried it though,” Minhyuk mumbled and twirled his fingers around the square pack of the condom, reaching for the lube in his desk. Of course he needed to be prepped, he didn’t have his vibrator with him so he had to rely on Jooheon.
Taking it and placing it on top of Minhyuk’s head, he smiled when he saw the baffled expression of the elder. Pushing himself up to a sitting position, Minhyuk lifting himself to let the younger do so, he rested his back while looking at the crowned boy in front of him. It fit him so well, the small flowers bringing out the different shades of brown and even his eyes.
“It looks good on you.” Jooheon whispered, bringing himself to kiss on the same trail he had made on Minhyuk’s neck.
The white-haired male felt the small tingles he sent, his hand sliding under the robe and down to the curve of his ass. “I don’t know, I feel like I look weird.” Minhyuk protested and went to take the tiara off, his fingers pinching the flower petal and about to slide it off. In lightning speed, Jooheon took his other hand and slid it back to its spot, shaking his head in disagreement into the crook of the other’s neck.
“Keep it.” He mumbled and leaned his head back, taking his free hand and grabbed the lube from Minhyuk's grasp, squirting a generous amount onto his fingers before tracing around Minhyuk’s entrance. The brunette, who obliged to Jooheon’s demand, could feel his own member harden. It felt hotter in the room, his robe making his skin feel compressed and too itchy. He placed the condom beside Jooheon, and almost instinctively, his lower half lifted itself off Jooheon’s body. His finger was almost ‘forced’ to slide down to Minhyuk’s entrance, going for it and entering inside him.
Being careful, Jooheon moved his finger slowly to loosen the elder up, not knowing if Minhyuk’s moans were of pleasure or pain. The thin appendage inside him made the brunette’s throat clench and the chokes he let out pained Jooheon.
“Tell me if it hurts, princess,” He mumbled, his cheeks flaming from the nickname he had given Minhyuk. With the tiara and his robe, any other nickname wouldn’t have fit. And in this moment, Jooheon promised himself to make him feel, well…
Like a princess.
“I’m f-fine, keep goi-ing,” Minhyuk responded, trying to avoid the feeling of discomfort as his walls were forced wider. The unfamiliar burn that no one but Minhyuk would cause to himself, especially since Kihyun made him use the vibrator or even buttplug to ‘loosen up’. To have someone else do it, especially with such care, it was all new. The weight of the tiara that rested on his head could fall off any moment, what if the petals hit Jooheon? He didn’t have time to think of the consequences if the tiara fell when he felt his walls stretch wider.
A restrained whimper and a small huff mended together as the younger tried his best to not hurt Minhyuk, but also prevent the hurt later on. Bringing his lips up to the brunette’s cheek, he kissed at one certain spot and moved his finger at a steady pace, the walls pressing in on his finger.
“I’m putting one more finger in, okay?” Jooheon gave a soft warning and let his middle finger join his pointer, being careful as he pushed it inside him. The elder’s body got lifted off the body beneath him at the second finger’s entrance, an exasperated moan forcing its way out of his lips.
“Shit, I-I...goddamnit Jooheon,” Minhyuk cursed and felt the pain morph into the same feeling he had given himself when he was alone. His tense shoulders relaxed and when the white-haired saw the relaxation, he used this opportunity to fasten his pace. Looking at Minhyuk’s face distort into a delirious expression of pain, the tiara on his head sat perfectly still and the small hexagons that would paint the wall from the small crystals in those flowers. He really looked like royalty, but only one of the two believed so.
Minhyuk’s entrance felt loose enough after a few minutes, but he was still anticipating the upcoming pain. Clenching Jooheon’s shoulder once, like a sign that it was enough, he felt a dire release as the younger pulled his fingers out. His heart was racing and cold trickles of sweat ran down the depth of his chest, who knew being fingered could be this exhausting? Looking down at Jooheon, the doe-eyes and how their full attention was on him, he gave a fatigue smile before leaning in for a kiss. He was missing out on so much when cramping up in his room for a 30-minute show to please strangers, when Jooheon was the familiarity he needed to awaken old emotions.
Jooheon’s mind was full of the aphrodisiac that the two of them had created, his free hand sneaking for the condom. His member was twitching and he could feel the precum leaking down onto the bed sheet. The hand underneath Minhyuk’s robe was now stroking the elder’s curves slowly, wanting to remember how it feels. Pulling away from the kiss, looking at him once and savouring how innocent he truly looked, he awkwardly smiled as he brought out the condom.
“If you want to, of course,”
“You’re really dense, you know that?”
Taking the condom away from his hands, Minhyuk took his one leg over to the other side to be able to put it on. Jooheon retracted his hand and felt the tight latex cover his wet member, feeling the precum make it even tighter. Minhyuk took off his robe and hesitated with the tiara, what if it fell off? Flinging his embroidered robe to the side, he looked at Jooheon nervously. All these doubting ‘what if’s ran flooded his mind, the expectations Jooheon had for him...what if he couldn’t fulfill them? Their first time together was purely in the moment, and they never spoke of it.
The white-haired male took his hand and stroked Minhyuk’s cheek, being as nervous as him. They both had their insecurities with the root of the other’s expectations, just hoping they were enough to fulfill them. Minhyuk nuzzled his cheek into the palm of Jooheon’s hand, lifting the leg over his body and getting ready to position himself. The younger closed his eyes as he felt the big hand to the elder wrap around his dick and the tightness of Minhyuk’s walls brought him back to their first time. Minhyuk didn’t get to let the entirety of his length go in, the first few inches already made his stomach churn.
“We’ll take it slow, don’t worry,”
With those words, Minhyuk began moving his hips and for each contraction his walls did, it felt like he was thrown back their first time. The time he almost lost his job was no comparison to what he was feeling right now, wrapped in Jooheon’s arms.. To be fully engulfed in everything everything Jooheon, his exhales tickling his neck, the tingle making him enjoy it even more.
“Are you doing okay, princess?” The younger asked, impressed over how the tiara was still on. He could tell it was about to fall off, but that was not what he was supposed to focus on.
Minhyuk nodded and clenched his grip around Jooheon’s shoulders, feeling his insides throb from the movement. A certain spot inside him was pulsating and almost pushed Jooheon’s member out, the thumps sending an odd streak of tingles up his leg. Jooheon had his hands neatly situated on the elder’s ass, almost controlling Minhyuk’s hip movement as he tried to deafen his own moans.
“F-fuck,” Minhyuk cursed, the gaiety of how high he felt and just how his insides flowered with the help of the pleasure he was given. Lifting his head up and muting his whimpers into the other’s lips, the sweet taste of love topping his own lips as his behind was being tenderly destroyed. Jooheon decided to use his hips now, figuring the other would be tired. Stopping his hands and thrusting his hips instead, he stifled a laugh into the kiss when Minhyuk’s whimpers got louder. The elder pulled away and let out a sigh, feeling his arms wobble.
The room’s empty walls had to hear the blend of two kinds of groans, and the warmth that excluded from inside Minhyuk and Jooheon. Their occasional kisses and small stares of adoration, maybe that’s what still kept the crown up.
“Want to switch?” Jooheon asked, thinking the elder may have wanted to lay down. Slowing down and almost lifting Minhyuk up, who felt a satisfactory sensation when the younger’s member exited him.
“Lie down, princess,” Jooheon softly commanded, not needing an answer from the elder but Minhyuk still obliged. He really needed to lie down. As tired as he was, he lied down on his back and watched as Jooheon hovered over him.
Positioning himself and also using his arm to rest on the bed gable, he thrusted his hips forward as gently as he could. Minhyuk’s arms found their place back on Jooheon’s neck as his head threw itself back when his entrance allowed him to feel the pain once more. The pain that would slowly morph into an “I love you” that would be felt the next day.
“Tell me if I’m going too fast, princess,” Jooheon panted and leaned in to kiss the other’s neck, almost trying to stray him away from the pain. Picking up the speed, the younger moaned at how the warmth inside Minhyuk made his stomach swirl and the sweat ran down his temple ever so slowly.
Ouch.
That’s how it would always feel when having sex, a pure ouch. It didn’t matter how many times Minhyuk had sex, something about the first insert was the most nerve-wracking part. With Jooheon, it was worth the pain. With how much his kisses would divert Minhyuk’s attention away from the ouch and bring him into a ruse greater than anything he has ever felt. His lower body was shivering and the several thrusts would make his G-spot send goosebumps all over his body. How the once excruciating pain would feel like laying in a bed made of out cotton candy. Sweet, but could disappear too quickly.
The brunette’s hands pushed Jooheon’s head further into his own chest for support, his throat straining itself when the younger’s pumps would force him to scream. Jooheon getting progressively aggressive as his thrusts got rougher and more impactful, Minhyuk could feel the burn near his walls. His own member was oozing from the precum, his eyes hurting from the puffiness and from closing them too harshly at times. Jooheon arm got off the bed gable and ran through the elder’s hair, his lower body pacing faster for each moment. The condom was making him slightly uncomfortable, the light latex getting seemingly tighter and making the white-haired boy’s release seem like a difficult task.
Which brought him to this.
“S-shit I’m a-about to…” Jooheon panted, the subtle twitch from his member indicating so. Using the remaining energy he had, he moved his pelvis to let this last moment be engraved in his mind. Minhyuk’s whimpers got progressively louder and he too was about to release himself, his grip loosening from Jooheon’s neck. His tiara was practically resting on the pillow, the gable supporting it and making it stay on his head.
“M-me too,” He mewled, a groan startling Jooheon when he thrusted once. It was only once, but God was it powerful.
“Just...take off the condom i-if you need to,” Jooheon breathed out, feeling the liquid about to burst through him. Raising himself up, he grabbed the elder’s leg and lifted it up, gripping his thighs as he intended to finish this. Minhyuk shook his head and stammered, telling him it was okay to, well, come on him. It was like he knew the younger was contemplating on exactly that. Jooheon’s hips moved fast, but his mind raced faster. The tingling sensation around his pelvis got stronger, and the latex got tighter. The hexagons on the wall got blurry and it felt like his head was floating, getting extremely close.
Pulling it out and ripping the condom off, feeling the coldness of the air wrap around his wet dick. Not thinking, he felt his cum splur out of his split and onto Minhyuk’s stomach. The coldness of the liquid made the elder’s stomach sink down, the stickiness could already be felt. With the amount that was shooting out of Jooheon, a small puddle formed in the small crater on his stomach, some seeping into his navel. His fatigue started to show, accompanied by the post-sex smell. His breathing got steadier, his puffs of air floating around in the room along with Jooheon’s.
The younger slumped down beside Minhyuk, the drain overcoming him slowly. His forehead was glistening from the sweat that trickled down his face, almost coating his eyes and stinging slightly.
“Sorry for, shit, coming on you,” Jooheon breathed out, looking at Minhyuk in both fatigue and slight pride. Something in his mind tricked him into believing this too was a dream, an illusion. The younger remembered in English, when they discussed Kant. That some of their perceptions could be mere sensibilities, was this such a case?
Was Lee Minhyuk just an illusion?
“Don’t worry about it, I’m just too tired to move,” Minhyuk chuckled, his eyes getting heavier when the fatigue took over. He didn’t exactly care that he had literal cum on his stomach, or that his ass was in pain. He just needed sleep.
“Me neither, even though we should shower,” Jooheon stated, also feeling his eyelids get heavier. His lower body hurt, and his stomach wouldn’t stop churning in giddiness.
He felt fulfilled, he just hoped he could make Minhyuk feel the love he deserved. Glancing at the elder’s stomach, his own cum was laying there and showcased the contrast between ivory white and bronze. His hands traced down Minhyuk’s arm, diverting his gaze from his stomach and watching the elder’s eyelids get heavier. His lips seemed even thicker and softer. The flushed cheeks of his seemed less puffy, his cheekbones possessing the infamous ‘after-sex’ glow. The smallest drop of sweat rolled down his neck and onto his chest, which was raising slowly.
The tiara was still on his head, which made Jooheon chuckle.
“Good night, princess,”
The weeks went by so fast, and the boys were inseparable at this point. Jooheon would visit Minhyuk from time to time, accompanying him from the last weeks before his parents came back from their trip. They did what every couple did, yet they had their own touch to it. Instead of cuddling, it was mostly Minhyuk rolling into a ball and Jooheon protecting him as he buried his face into the elder’s hair. And when they cooked, it was always Jooheon in charge while Minhyuk cheered on him from the sideline. Even though there could be a majority of couples doing the exact same, their chemistry is one that could not be compared.
With the adoration, one thing that also grew was certainty. Minhyuk had come to the conclusion that he wanted to quit the camboy charade. He didn’t see the same joy he used to. Before, it felt absolutely amazing to be the one on everyone’s minds and to be wanted by everyone. It was how he kept going in life, knowing he was in the minds of thousands of people; he was remembered. It felt pointless now, how he only needed a white-haired boy with deep dimples and a contagious smile to give him the love he craved. A simple “Hyung” from Jooheon was all the brunette needed to feel the same love when he was Edward, perhaps even more.
“So you’re officially going to end it today?” Jooheon asked the elder, who silently drank his coffee. Plain black coffee, no sugar and no milk. Simplistic, like a daisy. Minhyuk nodded and wiped a drop of coffee from his lip, putting the pencil down. He had it with the stupid integrals, might as well relax a little. Jooheon had already finished his homework, and since he was an excellent mathematician, he used it as an excuse to hang out with his boyfriend. Putting his own cup down, he diverted his attention to the beautiful brunette.
Jooheon was 100% supportive of anything Minhyuk decided to do, so when the elder broke the news that he thought of quitting, he didn’t hesitate to let the other know he would be there for him. Knowing how being Edward Lee was a part of him, the part that Jooheon first admired, it could be tough to let go. As he had joined Minhyuk into talking with CCam about him quitting, the next step was officially deleting the account. His viewers took it badly, some even saying obnoxious things as if it would change the outcome. As if saying he was a whore or that he was never good enough, it would somehow resurrect Edward.
“Yeah, I just want to get it over with. I want to let that part of me go, and move on,” Minhyuk explained, his hands warming themselves with the heat of the black gold. He was certain, he didn’t need Edward any longer. With those memories, both good and bad, he wanted to bury the persona he had created. Even though this persona was the one leading him to Jooheon, his safe space.
“I get it. I’m just glad you chose whatever you felt was right,” The younger replied and gave a dimpled smile, his joy and care radiating through his demeanor and affecting the brunette. Nodding in return, he patted Jooheon’s thigh and stroked it gently.
Minhyuk sighed as he thought of how he couldn’t let go of Edward, even if he deleted his account. There was still something left.
“I have to throw the mask away, I just realized. It feels...weird to even think of throwing it away,” He admitted, the weight of that thought being too heavy on his frail shoulders. To delete his account sounded so easy, but the mask...it had some value to it. The diamonds, the black embroidery that became his trademark. The same mask that accompanied Jooheon on those lonely Saturdays.
“I can understand that. But you don’t have to throw it away, you just need to look at it differently. Change the perspective,” The white-haired tried to lighten the weight of that thought, feeling bad over not being able to be the best of help in this situation. The mask was sitting downstairs, in a dark cupboard collecting dust. What he had learned was that despite having to throw away your past for the good reasons, there are always a few things one could pick up from it and keep it as a keepsake. To have a small reminder of who they previously were, and feel accomplished of how they have evolved.
Keep it.
It felt like such a peculiar thought, to keep his past with him. He didn’t know if he wanted this constant reminder of who he used to be, but he could definitely see why Jooheon suggested it. Putting his coffee cup on the table next to him, he pursed his lips into a closed smile.
“You do have a point. I guess it could be a reminder that I was your fap-material every Saturday,” Minhyuk laughed and squealed when Jooheon pinned him down on the couch. Wow, his sofa was incredibly soft. Looking up at the boy above him, a playful expression on his face lit the room as he kissed Minhyuk’s nose.
“I hope you know how many hours I spent playing those stupid games in order to give you Cherries,” Jooheon retaliated, squinting his eyes to look angry. He failed miserably, Minhyuk couldn’t help but coo. Just how his nose would crinkle like a bunny, his lower lip would form a pout.
“You know you only look cuter like that, right?” He laughed as Jooheon’s expression got softer into a confused puppy. As much as he wanted to argue, he also wanted Minhyuk to not fail the dreadful subject called mathematics.
“Let’s continue with math, hm? These integrals won’t solve themselves,” Jooheon cheered and was about to let the elder sit up, until he felt a tug pull him back in. Minhyuk’s hand was curled into a fist with the younger’s shirt in his grasp, smiling as he nuzzled his nose against Jooheon’s.
“Or we can talk about watching The Babadook, like you promised,” Minhyuk suggested, giggling when the other whined about not wanting to watch it. They had a bet about who could fit the most marshmallows in their mouth, and obviously Jooheon lost.
This was the moment they both realized their chemistry; their utter compatibility and how it felt to adore someone who adored you right back. The rush of emotions, the giddiness. How amidst the chaos of feelings, infatuation was the feeling that stuck. With each other, they realized how they didn’t need roses to feel beautiful, they didn’t need complexity to understand each other. With each other, it was simple as 2+2. With one another, they could be fools in love.
They were each other’s forever.