Chapter Text
From: Amy Santiago
Hey, sorry I can’t make it to your welcome home party tonight. Have a great time. I’ll see you tomorrow, hopefully.
Jake looks up from his partner’s text message — one that he read for the umpteenth time since he received it — with a pang forming in his chest. His eyes scan the fully packed room as he watches all the familiar faces who gathered inside the bar to celebrate the end of his successful undercover mission.
He lets out a sigh.
No matter how happy he is to be back after six long months away from his friends, he can’t help but wonder when he’ll be able to leave without seeming too ungrateful towards their efforts to throw him a surprise party.
He hopes he won’t have to stay too long. This day (as well as the past months, to be honest) has been quite exhausting, for one. He could use some rest.
More importantly, though, he’d like to stop by Amy’s apartment before going home. He wants to check on her — Amy Santiago taking a sick day (or rather, being ordered by their Captain to take one, as their colleagues informed him earlier at work when she wasn’t there and he asked about her whereabouts) is a rare enough occurrence for it to be worth worrying about.
Part of him also selfishly needs to talk to her, and he’s not so sure he can wait for another day before he sees her face again.
He missed her. Well, obviously, he missed all of his coworkers. But he’d be lying if he’d say he didn’t miss her the most. Still does, despite the few text messages they were finally able to exchange now that he’s back.
They didn’t write much to each other. And they surely didn’t mention the elephant in the room; what he told her before he had to leave.
I kinda wish something could happen, between us. Romantic-stylez.
This is not a topic to be dealt with through the phone. Just like he can’t really tell her that he still likes her, even after all these months apart, any other way than face-to-face.
“I bought you your favorite beer.”
The sudden sound of Charles taking a seat in front of him and handing him a drink brings Jake back to the reality of the moment.
He puts his device away in his pocket and takes a sip of the cold beverage. “Thanks, bud.” He offers his best friend a sincere smile, who only grins in return.
“I’m so happy you’re back! We missed you so much.” The man’s voice is overenthusiastic and loaded with barely-contained emotion.
It brings another smile to Jake’s face.
“Me too. I really missed you too.” His own tone is full of sincerity.
Yet, he can’t help but think with a little defeat that his plan to leave the party early will have to be put on hold for a while, as they click their bottles together and Charles starts to tell him with details all about what happened in his life during the past six months.
To: Amy Santiago
Thanks for the message. Feeling better?
It’s shortly past 10 p.m. when Jake sends Amy a text after he eventually managed to sneak out of his surprise party. He told his colleagues he had a lot of hours of sleep to catch up on. Which, in fact, isn’t a lie — it has been a long while since he had a restful night. Still, he has no intention of going to bed just now.
Not if he can see Amy first.
From: Amy Santiago
I am! Feeling too good, even… I woke up an hour ago from another nap and now I’m too awake to go back to sleep. Anyway, I’m definitely coming back to work tomorrow. How’s your party going? :)
Her message lights up his screen only seconds after he sent his own.
A warm feeling takes over Jake’s chest when he reads his partner’s words. He can feel his lips curve into a smile, not wasting even just a second to start typing an answer while he hails for a cab with his free hand.
To: Amy Santiago
I’m leaving now. But it was great.
He looks at his text for a short moment, pondering whether or not he should add that he missed her. Maybe he could do it subtly, like through a joke? But in the end, he judges best not to — better tell her in person when he sees her. He does start to write a second message, though, to ask her if she’d mind him coming over to her place right now.
She said so herself, after all: she can’t sleep. So he wouldn’t be bothering her too much.
Want some comp… he types but doesn’t have the time to finish his sentence because all of a sudden, his phone turns off, running out of battery.
Jake curses himself for forgetting (yet again, as this is far from being the very first time it happens to him) to charge the device during the day. Perfect timing, he can’t help but bitterly think.
Of course it had to happen right now.
This doesn’t stop him from giving Amy’s home address when a cab eventually stops for him and the person behind the wheel asks where he wants to go, though.
Hopefully, she’ll like the surprise.
Jake’s head is looking down at the floor while he walks up the stairs to his apartment. His visit to Amy’s place didn’t go as he imagined it would. It’s not that it went bad, per se — she just wasn’t there when he knocked on her door. Which actually reminded him, after a full minute of waiting, of the hard truth he somehow managed to forget for a moment: she has a boyfriend.
A very nice boyfriend, with whom things were going really well when he last saw them together, and who’s probably been taking care of his sick girlfriend all night — at his own place.
Or who knows. Maybe Teddy’s place has become theirs now, and Amy doesn’t live where she used to before Jake had to go. Six months have passed, after all. A lot can happen in half a year.
(Heck, a lot can happen in just a day. Jake knows that better than anyone, given how what looked like any other hearing turned into that huge undercover mission that completely shattered his world.)
To be honest, in retrospect, he’s almost glad no-one was there to greet him and the bag full of Polish takeout he grabbed on his way for Amy. It would have been too awkward to explain. How could have he told her that he couldn’t wait for a few more hours to see her face and talk to her in person after six full months spent apart?!
It’s not something he could have hidden behind a joke or some ‘I wanted to see my friend’ excuse.
Still, his heart is aching in the same way it did when, in what seems like forever ago now, Amy told him she had another date with Teddy right when he had finally found the guts to ask her out himself.
In the same way it did when he had to leave her right after he poured his heart out to her too…
Jake is so lost in his thoughts, with his eyes now scanning his bag in search of his keys, that he doesn’t realize right away that someone’s waiting for him in front of his apartment’s door. But when he eventually looks up, his heart instantly fills with a tender feeling that manages to warm up his entire being as he finds himself face-to-face with the woman he was currently thinking about.
“Amy?!” Her name slips out of his mouth.
Despite the joy her simple presence manages to bring to him, he can’t help but frown in surprise. “What are you doing here?”
The possibility that this is all just a dream — that he somehow fell asleep on his booth at Shaw’s, too exhausted to keep up with the party going on and his friends’ stories — crosses his mind for a split second. She does look real, though; as stunning as he remembers her, with her bright smile and beautiful brown eyes staring right through his soul.
Still able to make his heart pound in his heart as well.
Somehow this moment right here, with her waiting for him in front of his apartment, feels more like coming home than when he actually first came back the night before.
“Hi.”
Her voice sounds just as real as the rest of her when she eventually talks, waving at him. “I, uh—…” She clears her throat and Jake catches how her ears are slowly turning red in a small blush.
It makes him smile.
“I wanted to come to your party, since I couldn’t sleep anymore and was feeling better. But then I received your text telling me you were leaving, so… I figured I could just come here instead and say hi.”
She pauses again, looking a little shy and unsure, before she goes on with her explanation. “I hope you don’t mind? I brought pizza. Your favorite. From Sal’s. As a welcome-home gift.”
She shows him the cardboard box to emphasize her words. Jake doesn’t quite know what to say, overwhelmed with emotions.
This is almost too much for him; too sweet a gesture for him to handle.
“Pizza? From Sal’s? It’s okay to just say that you missed me, Santiago, you know.” He settles for what he knows best — deflecting with a joke.
Which seems to work because Amy lets out a small snort at that.
God, he missed her laugh.
(He missed to be the one who makes her laugh.)
“Shut up, Peralta,” she playfully scolds him with a roll of her eyes and a shake of her head, which makes him laugh along with her.
His heart is feeling full in his chest.
He missed this. Their dynamic. He’s glad to see nothing has seemingly changed between them, no matter what happened before he left. Or while he was away.
It’s comforting, to say the least.
“Anyway, can I come in?” she asks more seriously.
Jake obviously agrees. “You can.”
He passes by her to open his door. He stops before entering the apartment, though, and turns to her with an amused smile on his face. “But I warn you — I don’t care that you’re the guest here, I get to eat the last slice of pizza.”
Amy laughs again. “That’s a bit rude, but I guess I can live with that.”
Then she follows him inside. It’s only when he puts his own takeout bag on the counter that she seems to catch it.
She frowns, nodding in the direction of the bag. “What’s this?”
It makes Jake freeze for an instant, scratching the back of his neck in a nervous tic. “Well, actually, it’s funny because… I came by your apartment too,” he eventually admits. For some reason, he finds it hard to meet her eyes while he speaks. “I, uh, kinda wanted to check on you, y’know. Bring you some Polish takeout. Say hi…” he repeats what she told him earlier with a shrug.
“Oh.”
Amy is staring at him with a new glint shining inside her irises when he eventually looks at her. “Thank you. That’s, uh, really nice of you.”
She seems a little stunned. Jake can’t blame her — he’s not really best known for his grand gestures. He shrugs again.
There’s a change in the atmosphere, heavier than before. The weight of words unsaid is hanging between them.
“Guess I missed you too.” He tries to make it sound like another of his jokes but inside, every fiber of his being means it.
“What happened to you?”
It doesn’t take long after Jake and Amy take a seat on his couch with their evening snack for her to start talking again. He sees her looking at him, with her wide eyes scanning his face and piercing right through him. There’s some worry in her brown irises as she studies the few scratches he got during the day. He offers her a reassuring smile while his hand comes instinctively touching the small injury on his right eyebrow.
“Charles hit me,” he answers casually but Amy doesn’t seem to take his words so lightly. She gasps in response.
“What?! Why?!”
“Oh no, it’s not what you think!”
Her reaction makes him realize what it sounded like. “We were working undercover, trying to catch the last member of the mafia that got away.”
The expression on her face changes after that, calmer than before. She even smiles at him too. “Oh yeah, I heard. Congrats on that, by the way. What you did was pretty impressive.”
Jake lowers his gaze, both touched and feeling a little ashamed.
“We, uh, didn’t get the guy.”
He eventually looks up at her as he tells her the truth. Amy’s smile doesn’t fade away, though — on the opposite, it seems to only grow bigger.
Softer.
“Since when did you become humble, Peralta?” she teases, then quickly falls serious again. “You didn’t get one guy out of what, sixteen of them, right?! It’s still a huge win, Jake. You should be proud of yourself.”
She puts a hand on his arm and his gaze gets stuck on the fingers that curl around him and how it — along with her words — makes him feel.
“Thanks. But enough talking about me.” He shakes his head to focus back on the moment, not feeling like dwelling on the topic of his undercover mission any longer. “How are you? How’s life been without the best detective in the NYPD?”
He shoots her a knowing grin, one that makes her roll her eyes. Still, he can see the corners of her lips turn up in a small amused smile.
“Well, I’ve been sick for the past two days and forced to stay at home after Holt ordered me to leave work and not come back until I’m feeling better but other than that, I guess I’m fine. I suppose the others already filled you in, but not much happened while you were away.”
“They told me about you and Boyle coming to work with the same outfit one day, yeah,” he teases and she snorts.
“Ugh, don’t remind me of that. I also arrested a perp named Joe Uterus. Perp name Hall of Fame, right?!” She shoots him a bright smile.
“Definitely. It’s right up there with Sylvester stools and Janet Storkmuncher.” He jokes along with her.
They share a laugh until Amy talks again, in a serious tone this time and without looking at Jake. She’s rather focusing on the food in front of her.
“And, huh… Teddy and I broke up.”
She then brings her eyes back on him. The expression inside of them is a hard one to decipher as she watches him expectantly.
Jake freezes with his mouth slightly agape. Tons of questions start invading his mind with this revelation. He should probably be happy to know that the woman he still pines for is single and not so in love with her boyfriend that they moved in together, like he imagined earlier. For some reason, though, this news only makes his chest hurt. He can’t help but worry — did he cause that?!
He surely hopes not. He didn’t really think things through when he poured his heart out to her before disappearing for six months but the last thing he wanted was to torpedo her blooming relationship.
More than anything else, all he wants is for her to be happy — whether it’s with him or someone else.
“I’m sorry,” he says after a few seconds spent in silence.
He’s not so sure what else he could, or should, say.
Amy shoots him a small smile. The hand she previously put on his arm is still there and he can feel her grip on him tighten. “Don’t be.” The tone of her voice is somewhat reassuring. “It wasn’t your fault.”
Jake can’t retain the sigh of relief that escapes his mouth.
“Teddy’s a nice guy, but…” she goes on. She seems hesitant for a beat before she talks again. “He was a bit… boring, in the end. It just wasn’t meant to last.”
“I see. Sorry you had to go through another breakup, though. I remember how you said you hated them.” He recalls one of the conversations they had not long before he had to go.
You think you'll spend the rest of your life with Teddy?
What? No! I don’t know. Maybe.
The thought of it had broken his pining heart, back then.
“It’s okay. It’s been a couple of months already. I’m over it.”
Jake studies Amy’s face for a while, and it does indeed seem like she is okay with all of this. She’s smiling at him, something soft and comforting. He sees her open her mouth, as if to add something to her previous words, but after a split second of hesitation, she stays quiet.
Jake wonders what is it that she was about to say. Can’t help but ask himself why she would bring up this Teddy topic and let him know that he’s out of her life now, without any prompting. He did ask her to update him about her life…
But still. Could it be a way for her to start the conversation?
Maybe now’s the right time to talk about what happened before he left indeed.
They will have to, at some point, anyway.
A beat passes, in complete silence, until Jake finally breaks it. The heavier atmosphere is back in the air.
“Hey, huh, listen… remember when I told you I came by your apartment earlier?”
“When you said that you missed me?! Of course I do, it was like, half-an-hour ago,” Amy teases with a playful grin.
He smiles back.
“Yeah.” He doesn’t even try to deny it this time and rather goes on with his explanation. “I actually wanted to talk to you. In private.”
“Oh. What did you want to tell me?”
Her eyes are piercing through his core, staring at him curiously.
“I hope it won’t sound like me taking advantage of you saying that you’re not with Teddy anymore but I just…” Jake pauses, heart pounding in his chest.
He takes a deep breath as he tries to gather his courage to tell her how he feels once again. In front of him, Amy doesn’t say a word.
She waits for him to go on, so he eventually does.
“What I told you before going undercover, about how I wish something had happened between us romantically… I meant it. I still do, actually.”
Saying these last few words somehow feels like a huge weight is being taken off his chest. It’s good, to let the truth out like this. To say out loud what he’s been thinking about for the past six months, wondering about his declaration and what she would have said if he’d waited for her answer before leaving.
Now he doesn’t have anywhere to go.
But Amy’s not saying anything.
“I—…” She opens then closes her mouth.
“I’m not saying that expecting you to feel the same. I just… I don’t want to hold anything back,” he further explains himself when she keeps quiet.
He tries not to let it show, but Jake’s heart is crushing a little more in his chest with each second passing by in silence. He hopes this new declaration of what he feels for her won’t break anything between them.
He doesn’t want to lose what they have — this friendship so precious to him.
“I do too,” she suddenly blurts out and this time, it’s Jake’s turn to remain speechless. He’s not so sure that he’s understanding her well.
“What?”
Amy lets out a small chuckle, looking down for a second before bringing her eyes back on Jake. She’s smiling when she talks. “I did break up with Teddy because there was no spark between us anymore and it had nothing to do with you, but… I’d be lying if I’d say I didn’t get confused by your words when you left. And that I didn’t think about them again or if you were still meaning it after Teddy and I broke up. Especially when Terry told us about the end of your mission and you coming back. Actually… that’s why I came here too.”
She lets out another small laugh. Jake feels like he’s probably never been happier or more relieved than in his moment.
Amy likes him too.
“Couldn’t spend another day without seeing this cute face, huh? I get it,” he jokes, pointing to himself — all these emotions are a bit too much.
He’s quick to fall serious again, though.
“But really… I do still mean it.”
His words, as sincere as ever, seem to bring a new sparkle inside her eyes as Amy’s shy smile grows into a true beam.
“Do… you?” he can’t help but ask despite her positive reaction, needing some reassurance that he is not dreaming.
She nods, the look on her face able to brighten the whole room.
His whole heart.
“Noice. Cool cool cool cool cool.” Jake nervously averts his gaze for a split second before bringing it back on Amy. She’s looking at him, and he can see her eyes dart towards his lips, focusing on them for a moment too long before looking back up into his own irises. It’s all he needs to feel confident again and put an end to the small distance separating their two bodies.
Her lips are soft when he kisses her and she wraps her arms around his neck to keep him close. His own hands find their righteous place around her back.
His eyes are full of awe when they eventually draw away, trying to capture this moment forever in his mind. He still has a hard time believing this is real.
Yet is it — Jake is back home.
And Amy wants him.
“I have to say, you’re a much better kisser than all these mafia guys,” Jake breaks the silence that fell upon them with a joke.
Amy only frowns in return, seemingly confused. He shakes his head then, and steals her another kiss before she can ask anything, smiling through it when she doesn’t complain. On the opposite, she only deepens their exchange.
Jake’s never felt happier to be back home.