Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Meng Yao woke to the comfort of a warm bed and the scent of cedarwood in the air. Blinking open heavy eyes, he took a moment to savor the pleasure of being still, limbs and mind still numb with sleep. A much needed moment of quiet bliss and solitude, before reality and its heavy implications set in to rouse him into motion. He was not sure how long he had been asleep for, but the cloudiness of his head and dryness of his mouth indicated it was long enough.

As he slowly recalled the events that led him to his current situation, Meng Yao tried to sit up, but fell right back down into the bedding with an oomph as everything in his body immediately protested the act. Raising his head just a bit to glance down, he lifted grey bed sheets to reveal that his blood-stained yellow robes had been replaced with fresh, grey ones. While it was certainly preferable to stewing in Wen Ruohan’s blood, he felt uncomfortable at the thought of someone’s hands touching him while he was unconscious. Stifling his discomfort, he tried to focus on the positive. At least he wasn’t handcuffed this time. That had to be a good sign. Shifting his lower half a smidge under the sheets, he also noticed that he still had his legs. After a few minutes of curling and uncurling his toes, and stretching out his arms and legs to get a feel for his limits, he finally gathered enough strength to sit up, although it still was not easy. He was sore and aching everywhere . Lifting the sheets off completely, he saw that he wasn’t wearing trousers at all underneath his new robe, although the reason why was immediately obvious. White bandages wrapped around his legs, from his lower calves all the way up to his thighs. A touch to his shoulder revealed the same dressing had been applied to the stab wound as well.

He stared blankly at the bandages. Pristine and white, standard human procedure to keep their fragile skin dry so that wounds could mend. Wounds that had been originally inflicted not to his human legs, but to his tail. His tail, lined with beautiful golden scales, the same shade as his eyes. Scales that had been clawed out by foreign, greedy hands. By Wen Ruohan. Wen Ruohan, that vile human, who had stood over him, and, and–

Meng Yao shook his head violently from side to side, as though to force the memory from his mind and send it into oblivion. Not now . He couldn’t deal with that right now! His heart was racing too fast, making it difficult to think straight.

Desperate to focus on something, anything else, Meng Yao looked around the room and blinked in surprise at his surroundings. He recognized this place. He had been here once before. This was Nie Mingjue’s palace bedroom. Which meant this was...Nie Mingjue’s bed.

The man himself, however, was nowhere in sight.

Meng Yao may not have been cuffed, but he was not about to just lie around and await unknown judgement from a man whose opinion of him was still up in the air. Standing on shaky, injured legs, he wobbled to the door, and pressed his ear up against it. But the door was too thick to be able to make out any sounds, so he gave up and tried opening it, hoping no one would be waiting for him on the other side.  

Luck, as usual, was no friend to Meng Yao. As soon as he stepped into the hall, he saw two guards stationed right outside his room. They immediately stopped their chatting and snapped their heads to look at Meng Yao in surprise. Meng Yao broke the stare first and started walking in the direction he remembered led to the exit nearest the ocean.

“Hey, wait! Where do you think you’re going!?”

Meng Yao ignored the guard who had called out. Even if he wanted to reply, he really wouldn’t have been able to - it was taking all his energy and focus solely to force his legs to walk, one foot in front of the other. Each step burned his aching muscles, pulled at his wounds, threatening the tear them wide open.

“Quick! Find the Captain at once,” one guard snapped to the other.

If the guards really wanted to stop him, they easily could have. So he was both thankful and confused that none of them even attempted to. Instead, they split up in two different directions to presumably find Nie Mingjue.

After a long, slow-paced walk down the halls, Meng Yao finally stumbled his way to the main foyer. Only one challenge remained. 

The stairs.

There were several factors that played into what happened next. The first being that Meng Yao had only started walking on legs for what amounted to a little over a day. The second being, that he was quite simply, exhausted, injured, and mentally drained. So it was not surprising that just as Meng Yao went to take the first step down the stairs, his legs gave out from under him once more.

The pull of gravity was jarring above water, and fear and panic flipped his stomach upside down. Meng Yao shut his eyes tightly, and braced himself as he began to fall forward. The bruises would paint his body purple for weeks .

Or at least they would have, if not for a large hand that grabbed his waist in the nick of time, and spun him right back to his feet.

Meng Yao gasped and his eyes shot up to see none other than Nie Mingjue, looking down at him, frustration coloring his face an angry red. With their faces this close to each other, he also thought he could see a twinge of relief Meng Yao in the man’s dark eyes.

“What do you think you’re doing!” Nie Mingjue yelled, any relief Meng Yao thought he might have seen in his expression drowned out by heated anger. 

“I was going–” 

“You’re in no condition to go anywhere,” Nie Mingjue interrupted, shutting him down completely. 

And without a single word of warning, Nie Mingjue scooped Meng Yao up into his arms like a wounded maiden and proceeded to carry him back to his room.

“Captain Nie. Put me down,” Meng Yao demanded in a harsh whisper, flushing with embarrassment as he spotted servants and soldiers alike gawking at the sight they made. Nie Mingjue pretended not to hear him. It was humiliating, but if he struggled helplessly, it would be even more so. So Meng Yao kept his arms crossed and body still, bearing the indignity with his head held high.

Nie Mingjue did eventually put him down, but only after he had carried him back to his room, where he gently deposited Meng Yao back onto the rumpled covers of his bed like an angry cat. 

“Is this to be my cell, Captain?” Meng Yao asked pointedly, digging his nails into his palms in frustration.

Nie Mingjue looked directly at him then, all frowns and furrowed brows, as though Meng Yao had opened his mouth and begun speaking nonsense. “I have no intention of imprisoning you. Once you are healed, you are free to go,” he scoffed, like it was obvious and Meng Yao was being ridiculous. 

Which was hardly fair. It was a reasonable assumption, given everything that had happened. Meng Yao relaxed slightly, but his eyes widened in surprise a moment later as Nie Mingjue sat down too, right at the foot of the bed. 

The paranoid part of Meng Yao could not help but flare up in suspicion, as he tried to discern Nie Mingjue’s motivations for insisting he stay until he had healed. He had fully expected Nie Mingjue to kick him out the door the moment he woke up, so this rather forced insistence that he stay was...what exactly?

Meng Yao bit his tongue to keep from asking, but Nie Mingjue must have caught something unsettled in his expression, because he saw fit to reprimand him further. 

He said sternly, “Don’t be a fool. You can barely walk. Are you so eager to hurt yourself further? You’ve no doubt torn your wounds open already.” 

As he finished speaking, Nie Mingjue made to lift the bottom of Meng Yao’s robe. 

But before his hands could even graze the fabric, Meng Yao violently flinched, recoiling backwards so quickly, that he audibly banged his head against the wooden headboard with a loud thump. 

The sound echoed in his ears.

Warily, Meng Yao looked at Nie Mingjue.

The man’s eyes were blown wide in shock, hands frozen in the air where Meng Yao’s robes had been a moment ago. Mouth parted, and eyebrows furrowed in confusion – if Meng Yao didn’t know any better, he would say Mingjue looked hurt by his reaction.

“I only wish to check your bandages. As I said, your wounds may have reopened.” Nie Mingjue’s voice was an uncharacteristic hush, and he raised his hands to his chest, palms open, as though he were coaxing a frightened animal. Then he added, softly, in a painfully sincere voice that sent an ache straight through Meng Yao’s heart, “I’m not going to hurt you, Meng Yao.”

Meng Yao swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. 

He knew that. Logically, he knew that was what Mingjue had been doing, that he hadn’t been about to hurt him. 

But for a moment, it had felt like…he was somewhere else.

“There is no need. My wounds are fine. Thank you,” Meng Yao said, readjusting his seating, silently begging the man to drop the subject. 

By the deepening of his frown, Meng Yao knew that Nie Mingjue didn’t believe him one bit. But still, the man put his outstretched hands back in lap, and made no indication of reaching for him again. 

It was a bit surprising, actually, that Mingjue let the matter go so easily. Meng Yao had expected some resistance, some push back.

Although he had been the one to ask the man to drop the subject, he couldn’t help but wonder - was he backing off out of respect, or because Meng Yao just wasn’t worth the effort.

Any progress he had made in being able to read Nie Mingjue dissolved to sand the minute they fell apart. 

An uncomfortable silence fell between them, during which Meng Yao allowed himself to finally take a closer look at Nie Mingjue, the first real look he had gotten in months, outside the violent haze of Wen Ruohan’s ship. What he saw did nothing to quell the ache in his heart.

Bruises marred Nie Mingjue’s face and neck, purpling his jaw and eye. Meng Yao could only imagine how many more injuries lay hidden beneath the man’s robes. If anyone should be resting in bed, it was him. He had a feeling that wherever Nie Mingjue had come from before catching Meng Yao on the staircase, was not a place conducive to rest and healing. Meng Yao wanted to ask how Mingjue was feeling, if his injuries were healing well. But he was not sure how such questions would be received, if they would be met with scorn or anger. So he swallowed them down and said nothing.

Nie Mingjue seemed to be studying him just as intensely, eyes lingering on the bandages on Meng Yao’s legs and the ones peeking through his robe at the shoulder. 

After taking in his fill, Nie Mingjue asked, or rather demanded to know, “Why did you do it, Meng Yao?” 

Meng Yao blinked at the question. He wanted to answer, but he honestly did not know what Mingjue was referring to. 

Why did he try to leave? Why did he flinch away from Mingjue’s touch? Why did he lie and betray him?

Seeing the confusion on Meng Yao’s face, Nie Mingjue snarled impatiently, “Why did you come back to save me? You could have easily been killed!” Nie Mingjue’s brows were drawn together, fists clenched tightly in his lap. 

Meng Yao couldn’t believe it. Mingjue was angry, even about his own rescue?

Somehow this line of questioning felt almost as terrible as the prospect of having his wounds examined. Meng Yao felt put on the spot, and after the past couple days he had, he was tired of being questioned and picked apart. 

Maybe he should have stayed in bed after all, because what kind of question was that anyway? Why did he come back? 

Do you think I would leave you to die, if there was a chance I could save you?

That was what he wanted to say. 

But the words died in his throat. He couldn’t bring himself to speak them into existence, but he also could not bear to lie. So he sat silent, lips pressed together, words failing him for the first time in ages.

Nie Mingjue’s jaw ticked in irritation when he realized Meng Yao had no intention of answering. His eyes hardened as he stared at Meng Yao, looking over his face searchingly, as if he could find the truth written there himself. Meng Yao held his own, and stared back defiantly, giving nothing away, his face a perfect mask. 

Nie Mingjue broke the eye contact first with a frustrated sigh, raising a hand to his head, and rubbed at his temples, as though to massage a headache away.

It was uncomfortable. For both of them. And what’s worse, he was still causing Nie Mingjue pain, even now, just by being here and making things difficult for him.

Tell him the truth, tell him why, a small voice in Meng Yao’s mind demanded, pounding against his skull. When Nie Mingjue’s life had been hanging in the balance, Meng Yao would have given anything for the chance to tell him how he felt. But now that he the man sat safe and whole beside him, the truth felt miles away from his tongue.

Outside, the waves beat against the shore like a symphony. It was at the precise moment when a particularly loud crash of water fell, that something extraordinarily unexpected happened. 

“I’m sorry,” Nie Mingjue said, breaking the oppressive silence.

Meng Yao’s head snapped up, thinking for a moment that he must have misheard. But Nie Mingjue was looking at him, serious and sincere, and so intensely that Meng Yao felt his heart race under the weight of that stare. 

Sorry for what? he wondered, but knew that would be a rude thing to ask out loud. Nie Mingjue, luckily, felt the need to clarify himself, for he continued and said, “For the grievous insults I spoke against you on Wen Ruohan’s ship.”

Meng Yao tensed at the reminder, just for a moment, before he caught himself and forced his body to relax.

“Think nothing of it. Huaisang and I were counting on your anger for our plan to succeed,” he said mildly, with a gentle, appeasing smile, as though the words hadn’t really bothered him.

But Nie Mingjue didn’t allow Meng a Yao to brush the incident off so easily. “I’m aware of that. You goaded me into it. But it does not change the fact that I... regret having spoken to you in such a way. Referring to you as dirt and scum, casting insult upon your lineage.” He shook his head and exhaled harshly through his nose, as though angry with himself. “Those words were spoken in a blind rage in the midst of your deception. Whatever issues we have between us, I would have you know, I do not see or think of you in such a demeaning way.” 

It would not be an exaggeration to say that the merman was completely blindsided. He hadn’t even realized just how much bitterness Nie Mingjue’s insults had injected into his heart, until he actually heard a sincere apology, one he hadn’t thought he would ever receive. Not because he believed Nie Mingjue to be incapable of apologizing to someone, but because it was the first time in Meng Yao’s life that a person had thought him worth being apologized to at all. 

And honestly – was he worth it? What he had done to Nie Mingjue was far worse than spitting vicious words. Unprovoked and undeservedly, Meng Yao had inflicted intimate and cruel violence upon Nie Mingjue’s mind and his heart. 

And yet here the man was, apologizing to Meng Yao for calling him a bastard. 

With crystal clarity, Meng Yao realized just how far he had been deluding himself when he thought he deserved Nie Mingjue back. Like the man was some kind of reward for doing the right thing. 

One apology, and he became uncomfortably aware that he could live a thousand lifetimes and never be worthy of Nie Mingjue. 

“Thank you,” Meng Yao said quietly, the wall around his heart effectively smashed to pieces. Nie Mingjue nodded in acknowledgement, shoulders falling slightly, as though he had feared Meng Yao wouldn’t forgive him, and was relieved that he did. 

Pushing down his feelings, he asked another question that had been weighing on him since he woke up. “May I ask what happened after I lost consciousness?”

Nie Mingjue looked annoyed at that. “You mean after you nearly cracked your head open on the deck?” Yes, definitely annoyed. “You were carried aboard my ship and the doctor treated us both for immediate injuries. Then, my crew emptied Wen Ruohan’s vessel of its valuables before we burned that wretched thing on the open water. We sailed home, and you’ve been asleep for two days recovering from exhaustion.”

Meng Yao felt a rush of disappointment and loss. It was a silly thing to bemoan, but the fate of Wen Ruohan’s ship meant...his scales were gone. Either burnt and sunk, or stolen by Mingjue’s men to be bartered or hoarded away like jewels. 

He pushed away his grief, and asked a more crucial question.

“And what of Jin Zixun?”

Nie Mingjue looked confused for a moment, before he understood who Meng Yao was referring to. 

“I assume you mean the mer who shot an arrow through your chest, and you used as a hostage? He escaped,” he explained. 

Meng Yao blanched and tried to compose himself. But it was the difficult considering the implications. “What do you mean he escaped?”

Nie Mingjue raised an eyebrow, no doubt Meng Yao was showing some of the nervousness he felt on his face. “I mean he jumped ship. I assume he was feigning unconsciousness for some time, because just as my men carried him off Wen Ruohan’s ship to the Saber Spirit, he squirmed out of their grip and into the water.”

As if he had been waiting for the opportunity to escape.

Meng Yao’s heart sunk like a rock. Jin Zixun was always supposed to die, at some point in his plan. If by Wen Ruohan’s hands, great. If he survived to be taken back to Qinghe by the Nies, Meng Yao could have worked with that too. But escaped ? Who knows how long he had really been awake....he could have heard everything. The minute he hit the water, Jin Zixun had no doubt swam straight to his father and told him what Meng Yao had done. Forget Lanling, Meng Yao could never return to the ocean again.  

“I can see you’re disappointed. Were you planning on killing him after your mad rescue attempt?” he asked as though he already knew the answer, and Meng Yao couldn’t help the irritation that surged in him at the judgement he was sure Nie Mingjue was throwing his way.

“Attempt? I succeeded, did I not? And forgive me, but all this talk of mad rescues makes me wonder, just how were you captured in the first place?” he asked pointedly.

As predicted, Nie Mingjue did not like having the tables turned on him. He scowled, finger pointed in Meng Yao’s face because, how dare he. He wasn’t sure if Mingjue knew what Huaisang had told him, but his words were insulting either way.

They both knew Nie Mingjue had sped up his plans of attack for Meng Yao’s sake. Risked his life for someone he had sworn to kill if he ever laid eyes on him again. 

Well, he was certainly looking now, and while there was certainly fire burning in those dark brown eyes, Meng Yao could at least take comfort in knowing that at least there was none of the cold hatred he had last seen living there anymore. 

It had taken Meng Yao some time to figure out why exactly Mingjue had done it. When Nie Huaisang had told him Mingjue had been spurred on by a trap, rumors of his own capture, Meng Yao had been too shellshocked to think it through logically. He had gone so far as to assume it was out of love. But setting aside his own ego and feelings, it was easy to see the real reason why. 

Misplaced as it was, Nie Mingjue felt a duty to save Meng Yao from certain death, from a man he deemed his sworn enemy. Perhaps Mingjue had even suspected Meng Yao had been “captured” due to his close connection to Nie Mingjue in the first place, and was being tortured for information on the Captain’s weaknesses. Honorable hero that he was, Mingjue could never let another person suffer because of him.

Now, sitting there on the man’s bed, Meng Yao was resigned to be told just that, body relaxed, heart dulled, eyes fixed downward in deference. 

Nie Mingjue snarled, “You want to know why? Because, Meng Yao, I–”

An animalistic noise growled, rudely interrupting and silencing the great Captain Nie Mingjue. 

It was...oh, heavens, no.

It was his stomach. 

Meng Yao flushed at how loud it sounded to his ears, and he looked up in time to catch Nie Mingjue actually looking rather startled by it as well, looking down at Meng Yao’s stomach like it had personally told him to kindly shut up or be eaten.

With a cough, Nie Mingjue actually seized the opportunity to change the subject. Meng Yao couldn’t help but feel a bit relieved that his anger had been quelled, even though it was by something so embarrassing. 

“I will send for a servant to bring you something to eat,” he said, standing up. “Will you promise to rest until I return?” Nie Mingjue asked gruffly, but the inquiry after his wellbeing was certainly appreciated.

“Of course,” Meng Yao said, eyebrows slightly raised. Was Mingjue really trusting him to stay put? He looked to the door, remembering the two guards who had been stationed just outside, and dismissed the thought as quickly as it came. Nie Mingjue was no fool, he would never allow Meng Yao to wander his home unchaperoned.

Nie Mingjue, oblivious to the paranoid thoughts running through Meng Yao’s head, simply nodded and said, “Good. I will come by again after I finish the rest of my meetings.”

A pause. And then, “Did you walk out of a meeting to find me?”

Nie Mingjue looked uncomfortable, and ignored the question. “Rest. If you need anything, simply ask one of the guards in the hall. The staff has been informed that you are a welcome guest.”

Guest. The word was stifling in its formality. It reminded Meng Yao that he was not a friend, and certainly not a lover. Just a visitor, one who would overstay his welcome sooner rather than later. 

“Thank you, Captain Nie,” he said politely, not wanting to fight anymore. He was lucky to have even received this much.

Nie Mingjue had been about to walk towards the door, when he stopped. His eyebrows furrowed together, a stern frown on his face. He looked as though he were deciding on something, and with a nod of his head, came to a decision. “I would like it if you would address me by my name again.”

The permission soothed a bit of the sting Meng Yao felt over ‘guest ’. He nodded dutifully, but didn’t dare to read too much into it.

“As you wish, Mingjue.”

After Nie Mingjue had shut the door behind him, Meng Yao paced the length of the room once, twice, three times. He felt like a bird trapped in a gilded cage, fluttering at the bars. 

Growing restless, he decided to pilfer through Mingjue’s belongings. He examined letters organized neatly in a wooden desk, inkwells and brushes, a beautifully painted fan wrapped in silk, an assortment of robes in shades of grey and green. Stepping into the adjoining room, he explored the bath where he and Mingjue had first...coupled. What he wouldn’t give to sink into the bliss of a warm bath right now. But he restrained, as he did not know if soaking his bandages would damage his healing flesh further. There was a reason humans wrapped their wounds in cloth, and he did not want to risk bathing until he could ensure it was safe. 

His fin would be fine in a bath, but taking off the bracelet was bound to cause another magical drain that he really couldn’t handle at the moment.

Disappointed, Meng Yao decided to rest his legs and sit on the balcony that overlooked the ocean, so that he could watch the waves from a distance, as humans did. He couldn’t help but think that the water looked so different from up above. Because from all the way up here, gazing out into the sea from a castle made of stone, Meng Yao could only see the vast expanse of blue stretching out into the horizon, the rolling waves beating rhythmically against the shore. 

And it was beautiful. 

From here, he could see none of the ugliness and danger that Meng Yao was all too aware lurked just below the ocean’s glistening surface. It was an illusion. 

He let out a small huff of laughter.

Fitting that Nie Mingjue, a seafaring man, would be so entranced by Meng Yao when they first met. All that he was, had been an illusion too. 

A knock on the door interrupted his musings, and it opened to reveal a servant holding a tray of various dishes. 

She did not say anything, but stared at him with wide eyes, as though expecting to see a fin, and looking slightly disappointed when there was nothing but a man. Well, she could join the club. Disappointment in Meng Yao was a common affliction that spread to all those who knew him. 

“Thank you,” Meng Yao said politely, as the girl placed the tray on the table. The girl bowed quickly before leaving him alone once more.

The food was nothing at all like his usual diet, but he found himself enjoying the taste of rice and meat nonetheless, and tried his best not to scarf it down too quickly. After every grain was gone, he felt rather sleepy. Looking to the bed, he hesitated. The idea of sleeping in Nie Mingjue’s bed, when things were still on such shaky ground between them…

It just didn’t feel right.

So, seizing what little control he had over his own fate at this point, Meng Yao stripped all the silk pillows and sheets from the bed, and used them to make a nest on the balcony. The open doors and the stunning ocean view felt less confining than the walls of Mingjue’s room, and helped him drift off to sleep for a few hours. 

When he opened his eyes, his sight was filled with the starry night sky. Meng Yao gazed up in wonder. He had seen the stars before, of course, but never woken up to them spread over his body like a blanket.

He smiled, and the crescent of the moon smiled back at him.

The door opened just then and Meng Yao turned his gaze away from the stars. Nie Mingjue walked in, looking even more exhausted than he did earlier that day.  

Nie Mingjue blinked at the empty bed, before his eyes settled on Meng Yao laying in his nest on the balcony. 

“What are you doing?” Nie Mingjue asked tiredly, as he closed his eyes, sounding very much like this, of all things, was to be the last straw for what was left of his sanity. 

“Resting, as you asked.” 

Nie Mingjue’s eye actually managed to twitch at that. “Is my bed not to your liking?” he gritted out with forced patience, not realizing the double meaning to his words. If he had said this in the past, when they were still together, Meng Yao would have teased him with a quip and showed him just how much he liked his bed, particularly when they were both in it.

Meng Yao sat up, and winced at the soreness in his back. Perhaps sleeping on the floor hadn’t been one of his best ideas. He lowered his stare and said, “I didn’t mean to irritate you. I only wished to look at the stars.”

Nie Mingjue seemed taken aback by that, and he stared at Meng Yao and his array of pillows, body language softening. 

“I see,” Mingjue said, and then walked right back out of the room. He left the door open, which Meng Yao assumed meant that he would be back soon and had only gone to fetch something.

And a couple minutes later, Nie Mingjue indeed walked back in – carrying blankets and pillows galore in his arms. Meng Yao watched with wide eyes as he then knelt and dropped all of them at the front of Meng Yao’s meager nest.

“Thank you?” he said, for lack of a better thing to say, trying to wrap his head around Nie Mingjue going out of his way to ensure Meng Yao’s comfort. 

“Hm. Don’t fall over the edge,” Nie Mingjue said gruffly as he started to arrange the pillows and then realized what he was doing, stopped and withdrew his hands. 

Meng Yao noticed the way he pulled himself back, and ached.  

“Where will you sleep?” he asked casually, taking note of the dark circles under Mingjue’s eyes. He couldn’t have been too comfortable sleeping in a cell all those nights. If he had even slept at all. Meng Yao was suddenly was overcome with the urge to reach out and touch him - his arm, his face, anything at all would do. But he couldn’t. He was already pushing his luck. 

“I had a room made up next door. I only wanted to check on you before retiring to bed myself.”

Oh. Well that made sense. They weren’t together. Why would they stay in the same room, much less the same bed. And Meng Yao had wanted privacy. So...this was good. 

“Why not sleep here? The bed is empty, and it must be inconvenient for you to not stay in your own room,” he found himself saying instead, because evidently, whatever was left of his pride had jumped ship off the balcony while he slept. Meng Yao shrugged for emphasis, as though he had no personal stake in what Nie Mingjue chose either which way. 

Nie Mingjue hesitated, something uncertain in his eyes that Meng Yao was too disoriented to read clearly. He was no doubt thinking that it was an inappropriate suggestion, that Meng Yao had no right to ask such a thing. He should have known better than to even suggest it.

Just as Meng Yao was about to take it back, Nie Mingjue said at last, “Very well.”

And that is how they ended up in their current predicament. Nie Mingjue lying in his bed, Meng Yao in his nest on the open balcony, and neither one of them able to fall asleep. 

The bedsheets rustled. Then, three minutes later, they rustled again. After Nie Mingjue had changed his sleeping position for the fifth time, Meng Yao finally decided he had had enough.  

“If you are too uncomfortable to fall asleep in the same room as me, you don’t have to stay. It was merely a suggestion,” he said softly, giving the man an out.

“That’s why you think I can’t sleep?”

Meng Yao sat up slowly. “What could it be if not that? Your injuries?” 

“No,” Nie Mingjue replied shortly. Then after a moment, admitted, “My mind is restless.” 

Meng Yao did not know what to say to that. He thought to ask what was on his mind, but felt he would be acting too familiar. Overstepping. If Nie Mingjue wanted to tell him, he would, he just had to be patient. The man was not known to be a beacon of restraint after all, and always spoke his mind.

And after a few more minutes of tense silence, Nie Mingjue proved him right, breaking the silence of the room with the same question he had asked earlier that day. A question which apparently plagued Nie Mingjue’s mind enough to keep him from sleep even when he was no doubt exhausted beyond belief. 

“Why did you come back to save me?” 

Unlike earlier that day, the question sounded less like an angered demand, and more of a tired plea.

Meng Yao’s looked up at the stars and bit his lip. “Surely you know by now.”

A scoff sounded from the bed. “No, Meng Yao, I don’t. I don’t know anything about you.” 

Although the words were spoken bluntly, without the bite of malice, they hurt more deeply than the wounds littered across his legs and puncturing his shoulder. 

Meng Yao opened his mouth to protest and argue that yes, you know me, I’m the same person I’ve always been, don’t you remember? But the words stuck in his throat. They felt like another lie. Nie Mingjue was right, and they both knew it. The illusion had been shattered, ripples distorted the smooth surface of who Meng Yao had been in Nie Mingjue’s mind.

He had tried so hard to put all the best parts of himself on display. The innocent merman who had peered curiously inside the window of a human ship. The selfless hero who saved a brother from drowning to death. The helpless victim of a kidnapping, then in need of rescue himself. The passionate lover who shared Mingjue’s bed eagerly and shared the best fragments of his life with him. 

But what about the rest? What about the soldier who killed his commander in cold blood after enduring months of abuse and derision? Or the bitter and desperate son, who would forsake all virtue for a chance to gain his father’s recognition? The traitor, who would pawn off his own kind to a murderer for a chance to win back his lover’s affections? Those were parts of him too. Some things he regretted, others he didn’t.

Even his motivations for sparing Nie Mingjue’s life had been questionable at best. He had not changed his mind about killing him because it was wrong, or because Mingjue was a good man who deserved to live. He had changed his mind because his appetite for love and validation was so voracious that he had become addicted to the taste of Nie Mingjue’s affections and could no longer bear to let him go. 

It was selfish. But that was just who he was. Selfish to the core. Even now that the truth was out in the open, all he wanted was to lay down his masks, his wretched desires and dark history, and be loved by Nie Mingjue, in spite of being so fundamentally unlovable.

“You’re right. You don’t know me,” Meng Yao admitted quietly, just barely loud enough to be heard. “I have been afraid.”

Nie Mingjue was shocked into silence for a few moments before he asked calmly, “Afraid of what?”

Meng Yao hesitated, but pushed himself to keep going. “To tell you the truth. I did not want to lose your affections. You are an honorable and just man, and I am far from that. I feared that if you knew the truth about me, and what I had done, you would turn me away.” Like you ended up doing anyway . “But what I said to you on your ship all those months ago was true, Mingjue. I stopped my singing the moment we met, and my feelings for you were genuine.” They still are, even if yours are long gone . 

Nie Mingjue listened, silently arranging his thoughts. 

“Perhaps I would have turned you away. But you still should have been honest with me. I prefer the truth, no matter how terrible, over a lie. Anything less than that is a betrayal.”  

I know, I’m sorry. Meng Yao shut his eyes tiredly, waiting for the barrage of blame to follow. 

It did not come. 

“But as angry as I was when I first learned of your deception, your actions since have proven to me that you are remorseful. And trying to make amends to right the wrongs you committed against me. You saved my life twice, Meng Yao, and almost died both times in the process. How can I not forgive you after that?”

Forgiveness? Meng Yao could hardly breathe. He didn’t think it had been enough. But...Mingjue believed him, forgave him even. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to ever grant me your forgiveness,” he said gently, soft surprise coloring his voice. He had hoped for it, of course. But to actually hear the words… 

“If I didn’t forgive you already, I would hardly invite you into my b--My home.” it was obvious he had been about to say bed, but Meng Yao would sooner die before he called him out on the slip up. 

Nie Mingjue coughed, as though to cover up his mistake, and said, “You are welcome here for as long as you wish, but I will not stop you, much less fault you, if you wish to return to the sea and part ways once you are healed.”

To have Mingjue’s forgiveness was enough, he didn’t dare ask for more of him, take any more of him than he already had. It was clear by his words that there would be no love lost if they parted ways forever. It even sounded like that was what Mingjue would prefer.

“Thank you for your generous offer, but I will not impose on you longer than I must.”

He closed his eyes, and prepared for sleep to take him. 

A couple beats passed before Nie Mingjue interrupted that plan. 

“Have you gone deaf? I just said you were welcome.”

Meng Yao sighed, “Mingjue, it’s alright. You have no obligation to me.”

“Obligation to you?” Nie Mingjue asked, bewildered.

“To care. To take care of me. I don’t have any expectations. And you owe me no debts for saving your life. I consider myself blessed to have even earned your forgiveness.”  

There. It was all out in the open. They didn’t have to pretend anymore, and both could finally sleep. 

But, his words, however calmly and gently spoken, seemed to have just the opposite effect of easing Nie Mingjue’s restless mind. They were the final straw for what little patience and calm Mingjue had carried into this conversation.

“How dare you! Who are you to claim I am doing this out of obligation? I owe you nothing,” he snapped in anger, no doubt waking up half the hall. 

Meng Yao opened his mouth to agree, that was what he had just said, there was no obligation, “Mingjue-”, but Nie Mingjue was not done. 

“I brought you here because I care about you. I never stopped caring about you, Meng Yao. That is my choice ! Even after you betrayed me, I stormed Wen Ruohan’s ship because I cared! I brought you to my home to watch over you, because I cared! And now, I am wasting my breath, when I could be asleep next door, trying to get it through your thick skull that is evidently filled with seawater, that I want you to stay here with me because I care about you!”

Meng Yao forgot how to breathe halfway through that enraged speech. Eyes blown wide, he turned and found Mingjue staring right back at him, angry and beautiful and looking about five seconds away from sleeping in the bathtub if it meant he could get some peace and quiet. 

Nie Mingjue had basically yelled his feelings out with all the tact of a wild bull. And Meng Yao was speechless, trying to process what it all meant because Nie Mingjue said he cared about him, after everything. Really, truly cared. And Meng Yao could no longer resist the urge to be near him.

He stood up slowly, silk blankets falling at his feet. Stepping carefully in between the mess of cushions on the floor, he made his way to the edge of the bed where Nie Mingjue was sitting up, eyes tracking Meng Yao’s movements without a word, scowl still painted on his face. 

Not hearing a word of protest, Meng Yao boldly climbed into the bed, carefully, like a fledgling testing its wings for the first time. Nie Mingjue did not stop him, he merely moved over to the other side to allow Meng Yao to maneuver himself into a position he found comfortable. Which ended up being on his side, facing Nie Mingjue, albeit with a healthy amount of distance between them. 

“I care about you, too. That’s-That’s why I came back,” he said, eyes never straying from Mingjue’s. 

It was the truth, albeit not the whole truth. He had saved him because he loved him, and he would tell him that, eventually. Not right now. Now, they were both tired and needed more time to heal.

“Hmph. I don’t know why it was so hard for you to admit.” 

He wasn’t sure if he was just imagining it in the darkness, but Meng Yao thought he could see a hint of a blush reddening Nie Mingjue’s cheeks. 

Meng Yao smiled a little to himself. “Would it be alright if I slept here with you? Just for the night,” he asked, simply to be polite. There was no chance Nie Mingjue was going to say no, not after that admission.

Nie Mingjue hesitated for a moment, before he confirmed, “It’s fine,” and lied back down, closing his eyes. 

The majority of the pillows and blankets were still on the floor, so they only had the one of each to share. Neither felt like getting up again now that they were lying next to each other at last.

And now that Meng Yao was in bed with him, Nie Mingjue’s restlessness seemed to have ceased. Or perhaps, it was their conversation that had eased his mind enough for his body to relax. 

Either way, this was much more preferable than sleeping alone on the balcony. 

As he felt the lull of sleep quiet his mind, loosen the controls of his heart, Meng Yao relaxed enough to murmur into the sheets, no louder than a whisper, “Goodnight, Da-ge.” 

Jolted awake by his own traitorous mind, Meng Yao inhaled sharply once he realized what he had just said, and to whom. He hadn’t meant to, the name had just slipped out.

He made to apologize in a rushed whisper, “I’m so-”

But Nie Mingjue cut him off, and muttered in a tone that implied no further conversation would be welcome, “Goodnight , Meng Yao.” 

Meng Yao blinked, and relaxed again. Nie Mingjue had not corrected him.

Meng Yao shifted an inch closer to Mingjue on the bed, who remained where he was, making no moves to come closer or move further away. It felt safe, next to the man he loved, and Meng Yao fell into a dreamless sleep amidst the soothing scent of cedarwood.

~ 

The next morning, Meng Yao woke up warmer than he expected, given the scarcity of blankets on the bed and the cool ocean air blowing in from the open balcony doors. 

Blinking open bleary eyes, he saw the fabric of a tunic smushed against his face, felt arms around his back. Shifting his sore legs, he noticed they were both wrapped around a much larger leg that was situated in between his own. His eyes widened, and he jolted from half asleep to wide awake in seconds. Nie Mingjue was holding him. In bed. A strong arm across his back, cradling him to his broad chest. He had never woken up beside Nie Mingjue before. And heavens, it was everything he had imagined it would be. Nie Mingjue was so warm, and solid, Meng Yao couldn’t help but let out a tiny, content moan, savoring this happy accident while it lasted.

“You’re awake at last?” A gruff voice rumbled.

Meng Yao tensed. Fuck. He had hoped to detangle himself before the man woke, but it seemed the Nie Mingjue was already awake, and had been for a while now. 

“Yes, I’m sorry if I kept you,” he replied, unsure if he should move away, or keep still.

“We both needed the rest. Are you feeling well enough to join me for breakfast?”

Meng Yao would lose his mind if he were left alone in this room for another day, so of course the only answer he could give was, “I would be happy to.” 

Nie Mingjue began to move, pulling his arm out from under Meng Yao carefully so as not to jostle the younger too much and upset his injuries. He didn’t seem upset that they had shifted closer to each other overnight, which was a good sign. If he really were disgusted with him, Meng Yao was confident Nie Mingjue would have pushed him away - injuries be damned.

With that reassuring thought in mind, Meng Yao sat up slowly. He felt immensely better than he did the day before, as far as fatigue. Personal hygiene, on the other hand...he desperately longed for a towel and water to at least wipe his body with, since he still was unsure if he was allowed to soak in the tub. After Mingjue got up and began to get dressed, Meng Yao sat on the edge of his bed, trying to at least comb his messy hair with his fingers, so he would look somewhat presentable in public.

“You will need these.”

He looked up to see Nie Mingjue holding up a pair of shoes. Humans had such strange clothing rituals. He hadn’t even thought to wear any when he ran off yesterday in his half-cocked attempt to flee to the ocean. 

“Thank you,” Meng Yao said, and took them in hand. He leaned forward, bending his legs to raise his feet up, and took in a sharp gasp of breath, shooting back upright. Right. Injuries.

Before he could think to stand so he could try to wear them again in an easier position, Nie Mingjue had swiped the shoes back out of his hands and gone down on one knee. 

Meng Yao was left breathless once more. Nie Mingjue was not the type of man who ever knelt in front of anybody. So the image of him doing so in front of Meng Yao, even if it was for an innocent, practical reason, sent a rush right up to his head. 

But as intoxicating as the vision was, when Nie Mingjue’s hand moved forward to touch his ankle, Meng Yao quickly stopped him. “Wait.” 

The hand froze just shy of touching skin.

“Don’t touch the bandages.” It came out sounding like an order, and he winced again, this time at his inappropriate tone. “Please.”

Looking up, Nie Mingjue’s eyes softened ever so slightly. “As you wish.”

Carefully, Nie Mingjue placed a sandal on each of Meng Yao’s bare feet where they dangled above the floor. The featherlight touch of fingers against his heel made Meng Yao tremble, but the man stayed true to his word, and not once did he touch the bandages that wrapped around his calves. 

“Thank you,” Meng Yao said when he was done, a small smile gracing his face. 

“It’s nothing,” Nie Mingjue brushed off, and took his hand to help him slide off the ridiculously high bed, releasing his hand a moment later.

After they were both presentable, Nie Mingjue walked with him to one of the palace dining rooms, a hand hovering over Meng Yao’s back the entire way, as though he were afraid the merman would trip and fall at any moment. Meng Yao felt eyes on them as they walked, but it was nothing he wasn’t used to. He did as he always did, and kept his eyes forward and head up. He could only imagine the rumors this and yesterday’s incident would spur in Mingjue’s kingdom. 

When they arrived in the dining hall, Meng Yao noticed Nie Huaisang was already there, a fan twirling in his hand. Huaisang greeted his brother with a dazzling smile, and Meng Yao with a slightly less enthused greeting. As they ate, Nie Huaisang looked between his brother and Meng Yao, studying their movements subtly over his teacup. Meng Yao was not sure what exactly Huaisang was looking to find, so he forced himself to relax and behave naturally. After all, he had nothing to hide anymore. Let Huaisang look all he wanted.

Unsurprisingly, after breakfast, Huaisang pulled Meng Yao aside to speak with him alone, while his brother was distracted speaking to one of his soldiers in the hallway.

Huaisang only said one word to him, smiling sweetly all the while. 

“Don’t.” 

Meng Yao smiled innocently right back at him, “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

Huaisang’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t hurt him again, Meng Yao. If you do, Da-ge will be the least of your problems.” 

“Is that a threat?”

The response was immediate. “Yes.” 

Rather than feeling put off or offended, Meng Yao couldn’t help but feel rather pleased. Nie Mingjue needed someone shrewd and cunning watching his back, and his brother seemed to be capable of becoming both of those things. And in his own way, it seemed Huaisang was on the road to forgiving him as well, words of warning not to back off, but to do right by Mingjue from there on out.

He let down his mask and smile, to show Huaisang he was serious when he said, “Mingjue has nothing to fear from me, I promise you that.”

Huaisang studied him closely, then nodded once. With a flick of his fan, he turned and left. 

“Everything alright?” Nie Mingjue asked when he appeared by Meng Yao’s side a moment later, hand hovering once again. He imagined most people would find this annoying over time, but Meng Yao found it rather sweet. 

“Everything is perfect. Thank you for breakfast,” he said with a smile, and incline of his head.   

“You don’t need to thank me for every little thing. Now come. We need to have your wounds examined by the doctor, and then I must attend to matters with my generals.”

His heart thudded in his chest. 

“My wounds?” Meng Yao choked out, and nearly tripped after all.

“Mn,” Mingjue grunted, not noticing the sudden change in his companion’s mood, continuing to lead him to the medical hall where the palace physicians were stationed. Once they arrived, an aide led them to a private room, where there was a cot, a stool, and various silver instruments lined up on a desk. 

As he sat on the cot waiting for the doctor, Meng Yao focused on regulating his breathing. Calm down, he berated himself. There was no need to get worked up. This was for his own good. 

When the doctor entered, Nie Mingjue made to leave, and Meng Yao practically yelled, “Wait!”

Nie Mingjue was somewhat startled by Meng Yao raising his voice, and lifted an eyebrow in confusion. Meng Yao flushed and quieted down to his normal volume to ask, “Won’t you stay? Just until the exam is over?”

“Of course,” Nie Mingjue said immediately, staring at Meng Yao intensely as he sat down on the stool beside the cot. Meng Yao felt the weight of that gaze bore into him, as though Nie Mingjue was trying to read his mind through sheer determination. 

“I’m sorry to be a bother,” Meng Yao apologized quietly, embarrassed at how weak and needy he must seem. 

But of all things, it was the apology that seemed to annoy Nie Mingjue, not the request for his company. “Stop apologizing. You’re not a bother.”

The doctor had far too much tact to react to their conversation, and waited until they were done speaking before introducing herself.

“Young Master Meng. My name is Liu Wen. Master Nie has asked me to check on your injuries. Can you tell me how severe the pain in your legs and shoulder is today?” She smiled as she spoke, her face open and gentle. He wondered if she was the one to treat him while he was unconscious for those two days.

“My legs sting when I bend them, but otherwise feel fine. My shoulder pain is bearable, as long as I do not try to move it too much or lift anything heavy.” 

She nodded. “That is good. Now, let me see how your wounds are healing.” She went to undo the bandages on his legs first, and Meng Yao flinched, just as he had the day before when Nie Mingjue had reached, and nearly fell off the cot. 

No one said anything. Liu Wen looked at Meng Yao consideringly, then moved back and gentled her expression and voice even further, if that was possible.

“Young Master Meng. I will touch you no more than absolutely necessary. But I have to check your wounds for infection,” Liu Wen said, her tone kind yet stern. 

With a sideways glance, Meng Yao caught a glimpse of Nie Mingjue. He looked positively wounded at Meng Yao’s reaction, once again. Meng Yao hated worrying the man over what amounted to basically nothing, so he pushed himself to say, “Yes, I understand. Please go ahead,” accompanied by a forced smile.  

He was tense, barely breathing, as he watched the doctor unwrap the white bandages from his calves and thighs. 

It was better than he’d feared, but worse than he’d hoped.

There were patches of skin missing across his legs, as though they had been clawed out by a wild beast. The deeper wounds had been sewn together. They paralleled the places where Wen Ruohan had plucked his scales at random throughout his tail. It was as though the ugliness he carried inside was now reflected on the outside for the world to see.

For her part, the doctor was mindful of his anxiety. She directed Meng Yao to turn his legs this way and that way, leaning in close to examine the wounds visually without ever touching him. 

“Are you in pain?” Nie Mingjue asked worriedly, seeing the way Meng Yao’s knuckles turned white from the tightness of his clenched fists. 

“Of course not. I’m fine,” Meng Yao said, though his jaw was clenched and he couldn’t look down at his legs without memory choking the breath out of his lungs.

When Liu Wen was satisfied, she rewrapped his legs in fresh bandages, moving quickly and methodically, with as little physical contact as was necessary to complete the task.

Once his legs were covered up again, she moved on to his shoulder, and Meng Yao loosened his robe to allow her to undress and examine the wound. For some reason, this injury didn’t cause him as much distress, despite the fact that it was deeper and more painful. 

While Liu Wen applied ointment, Meng Yao reached over and pressed a thumb softly into the crease between Nie Mingjue’s eyebrows to smooth it out. The man was going to give himself frown lines if he didn’t learn to relax. Nie Mingjue took Meng Yao’s hand in his own before it could retreat, his thumb rubbing circles across the back of his hand. Every circle helped Meng Yao breathe a little easier, easing tension from his body like magic. 

“Master Nie. May I speak with you, please?” Liu Wen asked delicately after the exam was through. Nie Mingjue let go of his hand with a final squeeze, and stepped outside the door with Liu Wen. 

Meng Yao tried to listen in, but to his disappointment, he realized that his merman hearing was gone. If he ever got this cuff back to Wei Wuxian, he would include that in his list of complaints. 

Through the slit of the door, he caught the words, “No infection...healing nicely” , which was a relief.

But they were followed by words like ‘scars’, ‘trauma’ - words that made Meng Yao want to sink into the ocean and disappear. 

When Nie Mingjue entered the room again, this time alone, Meng Yao was already sitting back in his cot, as though he were patiently waiting, and not listening in. It bothered him that the doctor had chosen to speak with Mingjue in private. He was the patient - the doctor should have been asking for a moment alone with Meng Yao. But he was nobody here, and the doctor was in Mingjue’s employ, so he couldn’t exactly complain. 

“Meng Yao, can you walk?” Nie Mingjue asked, extending a hand.

Meng Yao took it but said, “Yes, of course. I’m not helpless.”

Nie Mingjue frowned down at him, squeezing his hand again before letting go. “I know you’re not.” He looked like he wanted to say something else, but thought better of it, and simply began walking back the way they came. 

He led them down the hallway, but Meng Yao looked up at Nie Mingjue in confusion when they passed the turn in the hallway that would lead them back to Mingjue’s room.

“Where are we going? I thought you said you had to meet with your generals.” Unless...he wanted Meng Yao to come to meet them too for some reason? But surely he would have mentioned that already if that was what he intended. 

“I do, but there’s someone I want you to meet first.”

He led them to a door in the hall across from Nie Mingjue’s, and knocked twice.

“Who are we meeting?” Meng Yao whispered. Although he tended to make a good first impression with almost everyone he met (who did not know his history), he did not like to be blindsided. 

“A friend,” Nie Mingjue replied, frustratingly vague in his brevity. 

The door opened, and a man in robes of white stood before them. He was nearly as tall as Nie Mingjue himself, but that was where their similarities ended. While Nie Mingjue was ruggedly handsome, this man was serenely beautiful - like pale jade or moonlight.

“Mingjue-xiong,” the man greeted warmly to Nie Mingjue, and then extended that same gentle smile to Meng Yao. 

“Xichen,” Nie Mingjue said, just as warmly, and...smiled? Meng Yao couldn’t help but stare. He had seen Mingjue smile before of course, considering he had done so at Meng Yao himself many times before, but it was a rare sight in public. This man must be incredibly close to Mingjue , he thought, appraising him even more closely. 

“I would like to introduce you to Meng Yao. He’s the one I told you of in my letters. Meng Yao, this is Lan Xichen. He is my dearest friend. I’m sure I have mentioned him to you before -- he is the master of Gusu, a kingdom further inland in the mountains.” 

Oh! He did remember. Damn it, Mingjue you couldn’t have warned me?  

Meng Yao clasped his hands together and began to bend forward at the waist in a deep, respectful bow, ignoring the pain the movement caused. 

“Master Lan,” Meng Yao said, but was stopped short when he felt hands under his arms, stopping him from bowing any further, raising him up to stand again.

“Please, there is no need for such formalities. It is an honor to finally meet you, Young Master Meng,” Lan Xichen said kindly, extending him such a courtesy as though they were already friends, as though they stood as equals. 

Meng Yao looked up at Lan Xichen, unable to hide the shock in his eyes at being addressed so warmly by someone of such high social status. “The honor is mine, Master Lan. And please, forgive me for correcting you, but I’m no young master.” 

Lan Xichen smiled warmly, charmed by the other man’s polite manner of speech and said, “No matter. Regardless of formal titles, you’re still the hero who saved Mingjue-xiong from Wen Ruohan.”

Heat rushed to Meng Yao’s cheeks at the words - the admiration and kindness emanating from Lan Xichen’s voice as he called him a hero , right to his face, in front of Nie Mingjue. In truth, he had never been so highly complimented.

Which would explain why he proceeded to stutter. 

“I’m-I’m not. I mean, I did my part, but I’m no hero.” 

Nie Mingjue rolled his eyes, “Shut up and accept the praise, Meng Yao. Huaisang told me the entire mission was your idea in the first place.”

He did? Well, that was...surprising. 

“Mingjue-xiong, that is no way to show your gratitude,” Lan Xichen teased, gently, looking between the two of them with a curious expression. 

Nie Mingjue harrumphed and ignored the comment. “I have to meet with my generals. I thought you could show him around the grounds, take him to see the markets, if you are not too busy, Xichen.”

“Mingjue-” Meng Yao tried to protest.

“I would love to,” Lan Xichen agreed easily. 

Meng Yao frowned as they, quite literally, talked over him. He didn’t want to be a burden handed off from one person to another. 

“Thank you, Xichen. I must go now, but I will see you in the evening.”  

The last comment was addressed to Meng Yao, who turned to nod, and immediately stopped short of the motion.

Everything he felt melted away, all senses honed in with precision, to the soft press of lips against his forehead.

Nie Mingjue kissed him. It only lasted a second. Maybe less. When the moment was over, Meng Yao looked up to gauge Nie Mingjue’s reaction, breath caught in his lungs, heart racing.

As expected, Nie Mingjue was, quite simply, startled. Even more so than Meng Yao, which he really should not have been, considering he was the one who planted the kiss.

Meng Yao watched with fascination as the man’s neck began to darken to a lovely shade of crimson. Which was fair - he was embarrassed too, truth be told. He couldn’t believe Mingjue had done something so intimate, not only in public, but right in front of his friend. To whom Meng Yao had just been introduced! What a way to make an impression.

It was, quite obviously, an accident.

Still, it felt like old times, and for that he couldn’t help but smile, small and uncertain.

It looked like Mingjue had no idea whether to apologize or own up to what he had done, so Meng Yao took it upon himself to reassure “It’s fine,” in a whisper. 

More than fine, he thought, warmth from the place where Mingjue’s lips had touched his forehead spreading all throughout his body.

Lan Xichen was absolutely beaming at the two of them.

With a short nod and an uncomfortable look, Nie Mingjue hurried away, almost running over a servant in his haste to leave. 

“I’ve never seen him like that before,” Lan Xichen commented lightly, staring in the direction where Mingjue had disappeared.

Meng Yao looked up at him and asked, “Like what?”

Lan Xichen gave him a secret smile and hummed, “I think you know.”

Now it was Meng Yao’s turn to blush red, but Lan Xichen was thankfully tactful enough not to expect a reply, closing the door to his room behind him and gesturing for Meng Yao to walk by his side. 

“Are you healing well?” Lan Xichen asked, changing the subject, and setting a leisurely pace through the palace. He wondered if the man was trying to walk slowly for his sake.

“Yes, thank you. I just came from seeing the doctor and it appears everything is mending well so far. I am very grateful to Mingjue for all he is doing for me,” Meng Yao replied. 

“I am sure he is happy to help you in any way he can after all you have done for him.”

Meng Yao paused at that. He had been trying to determine just how much Lan Xichen knew about his and Mingjue’s complicated history. It didn’t seem like he knew about their falling out, otherwise such a comment would be out of place.

“I have not done half as much for him as he has for me,” Meng Yao replied, feeling the truth of it down to his bones. “Do you know how it is we met?”

“Indeed. Although I must confess I am curious. I hope you do not consider this rude, but I was told you are a merman. How is it that you have legs now, if you don’t mind me asking?” 

Grateful that Lan Xichen moved so easily with the flow of conversation, Meng Yao lifted his sleeve up to reveal the gold cuff on his forearm. “This bracelet is infused with magic, and it gives me legs as long as I wear it.”

He expected Lan Xichen to be impressed or intrigued by the mer magic. What he did not expect was for him to exclaim, “That’s Wei Wuxian’s bracelet!” 

Meng Yao blinked in surprise and stopped in his tracks. “Yes, it is. But how do you know Wei Wuxian?”

Lan Xichen seemed just as surprised as he. “My brother and he are - were - friends. He has been looking for him for years. How do you know him?”

“He sold me the bracelet,” Meng Yao answered, wondering just how that particular friendship came to be.

With a wide smile lighting up his face that made him look twice as radiant, Lan Xichen said, “So he’s alive then! That’s wonderful new. Where did you see him last?” 

Oh. He thought the answer was obvious, given how Meng Yao just said Wei Wuxian had sold him the bracelet. “In the ocean.”

“He’s - he’s a merman.” Xichen sounded surprised. Meng Yao nodded patiently as Lan Xichen slowly connected the dots.

“Yes, I’m sorry, I assumed you already knew. Did he never tell you?” 

“No, he never mentioned it,” Lan Xichen said, pausing and thinking to himself for a moment. 

When he finally looked back up at Meng Yao, he was smiling again. “Thank you for telling me, Meng Yao. My brother will be relieved to hear Young Master Wei is safe.” 

“Of course. I’m glad I could be of help to you,” Meng Yao smiled back, wondering what more there was to that story that Lan Xichen was not sharing. 

They walked leisurely through the palace grounds, stopping to admire the large fountain in the courtyard where vibrant koi swam in the clear pond of water. They strolled through the open square, lined with markets and stalls, vendors selling fruits and sweets, the likes of which Meng Yao had never seen in all his life. To his surprise and mild horror, Lan Xichen pulled out a pouch of money from within his robes and started buying anything that caught Meng Yao’s eye, ignoring Meng Yao’s insistence that Lan Xichen please not spend money on him, that he had already eaten breakfast and didn’t need any pastries or fruits. But Lan Xichen could not be dissuaded, and seemed to take his role as tour guide very seriously, happy to introduce him to all manner of human concoctions. 

With their collection of snacks, they left the markets to go sit on the beach. It was peaceful and easy, talking with Lan Xichen, sharing stories. Meng Yao was surprised to find out that Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue had known each other since they were children, and he eagerly prodded for tales of Nie Mingjue in his youth. Hearing about a younger, equally stubborn, chubby-faced version of Nie Mingjue made him laugh out loud. 

In return, Meng Yao shared what life was like under the sea - the types of creatures that dwelled there, and their people’s customs, painting a picture of the underwater cities that had Lan Xichen’s eyes shining in wonder. 

It was easy to talk to him. Lan Xichen was kind and gentle, respectful and well-spoken. Even though they had only just met, Meng Yao felt oddly comfortable around him. 

Returning to the palace courtyard, they settled against a tree, and it is there where Lan Xichen played songs for him on his xiao. The melodies evoked images of mountain peaks, cloudy skies, and cold springs of water. 

The world beyond the ocean felt vast and unknown, with endless possibilities on the horizon. It was a little terrifying, but also more hopeful than anything he had ever felt.

Before Meng Yao knew it, the sun was nearly set, and Lan Xichen offered to walk Meng Yao back to his - well, Nie Mingjue’s room. 

On the winding road back, they were quiet. But it was a comfortable kind of quiet where two people could simply be in each other’s company, without the need to speak. 

They were about to make a turn around a building, when Meng Yao heard something that made him and his companion freeze in their tracks.

“Why do you think the Captain is keeping him in the palace?” 

“How am I supposed to know? Didn’t he save the Captain’s life?”

“Save his- Don’t be a fool. It was us that did all the work! All he had to do was keep his legs spread for Wen Ruohan long enough for our men time to attack.”

A laugh from the first man, ugly and cruel, rang in the air. “Ah I see, I see. Is that what happened? Must be something special, for both Wen Ruohan and Captain Nie to be so interested in him.”

“Special? Their kind are nothing but deceitful, treacherous monsters. I’d wager he’s got the Captain under some evil spell.” 

“The Captain is too strong to fall for something like that. My bet is he’s just one hell of a good fuck.” The way it was said...it almost sounded wistful. Meng Yao was going to be sick.

“Wipe that stupid look off your face. Regardless, Captain’s never going to share his favorite whore with you so quit your dreaming.” 

Meng Yao’s pulse was pounding in embarrassment and anger, jaw clenched so tightly, his teeth hurt. More than anything, he wished Lan Xichen had not been there to hear this. He was about to open his mouth to ask them to turn around and go around another way, but it was too late. 

He opened his eyes, and to his horror, Lan Xichen stepped out into the courtyard in full view of the men. Meng Yao immediately followed him, hoping to stop him from making a scene.

“Z-Zewu-jun!” the two men immediately stood to attention.

“Would you like to share what you were just discussing?”

The two men turned white as ghosts being on the other end of that tone. “N-no, sir!”

Not even a hint of the smile that Meng Yao thought to be a permanent fixture on Lan Xichen’s face remained. Mouth a hard line, displeasure evident in his eyes, he was as cold as ice.

Meng Yao ignored the men completely, eyes focused on Lan Xichen. 

“Lan Xichen. Please. Let this go,” Meng Yao pleaded quietly.

Lan Xichen met Meng Yao’s insistent gaze, contemplating his words, weighing the decision. It seemed he was reluctant to let this go, and that already meant more to Meng Yao than words could express.

Lan Xichen closed his eyes for a moment, and finally nodded. Looking back up at the two worms ahead, Lan Xichen said, “Young Master Meng has asked me to grant you clemency. It is by his grace alone that you avoid the wrath of Captain Nie. If you disrespect him again, I will not be so lenient.”

The men wisely did not look in Meng Yao’s direction, and bowed low.

“Yes sir! It won’t happen again.” 

“We promise!”

“Apologize and leave,” Lan Xichen ordered, looking every inch the Master of Gusu.

The response was immediate, “We deeply apologize to you, Young Master Meng, and thank you for your mercy.” 

Meng Yao really didn’t care for any forced, meaningless apologies, but seeing them bow to him was still a refreshing sight. 

After they hurriedly left the courtyard, Lan Xichen and Meng Yao stood alone.

“Lan Xichen, thank you,” Meng Yao said sincerely, embarrassed and exposed in a way he hadn't been prepared to feel. 

The warmth had returned to Lan Xichen’s eyes, although the smile from before was still missing. “It is nothing, my friend. Please do not take such vile gossip to heart.” 

Meng Yao smiled and nodded, but it was too late. A small weed festered in his heart. 

Is this all he would ever be? 

~

“How was your day with Xichen?” Nie Mingjue asked later that evening in his quarters. 

Meng Yao was sitting at the balcony again, this time on a chaise that Mingjue seemed to have acquired for him in a very short amount of time.

He thought about his response for a moment. It would do him no good to burden Mingjue with the incident that had occurred at the end of the day. It would only make Meng Yao appear weak in his eyes, and add to Nie Mingjue’s mounting stress. It was unnecessary. Meng Yao was used to gossip, and insults. It was nothing he had not heard before.

“It was lovely. Master Lan was a very kind host, who treated me to far too many sweets and pastries. Which were admittedly, rather delicious.”

Although he was talking about the food they shared, Meng Yao was really remembering the stories Lan Xichen had shared of Nie Mingjue’s youth, which brought a smile to his face as he spoke. 

“He is a good man,” he concluded, feeling the truth of it in his heart.

“That he is,” Nie Mingjue agreed, sounding pleased by his review. “I’m glad you and Xichen got along so well. He is my dearest and oldest friend, and I hoped he might help you feel at home here. I’m pleased to see he succeeded.”

Meng Yao’s heart warmed at the words. Lan Xichen had helped him to feel more comfortable, but Nie Mingjue’s presence was what made him feel at home, no matter where he was.

“I’m glad, too. Thank you introducing us.”

They stayed like that for a while longer. Nie Mingjue reading reports, Meng Yao reclining on the balcony idly, watching Nie Mingjue as he read reports.

He wished he could be more useful. Productive somehow. He followed Nie Mingjue’s hand movements as he made notes to himself, and thought to offer to help. 

Except he was not sure how exactly he could be of help at all. Mer didn’t have a written language. Aside from carving characters and images into stone, there was no material with which to write underwater. Their people’s history was oral, their messages and reports transmitted long distance through the medium of less advanced aquatic messengers. Meng Yao’s memory was near perfect, which meant he had excelled in such a system. But here?

Was it really so surprising the men thought him a whore? The thought was bitter and self-deprecating, and he tried to dismiss it, taking comfort in the fact that at least Nie Mingjue did not see him that way. He respected Meng Yao. He always had. And just yesterday he had told him how much he cared for him.

But regardless of affections, Meng Yao still worried about his reputation. He was more than just a body to warm the Captain’s bed while the other man went out to handle business. Meng Yao hadn’t scraped so hard in his life to be reduced to so little.

“Mingjue,” he called out. No time like the present to broach the subject.

“Hm? What is it?” the man grunted, seeming a bit frustrated by whatever it is he was reading.

“After I am healed, if I did choose to accept your offer and stay here, would you...see fit to grant me a position in your navy?” he asked tentatively. 

Nie Mingjue looked up at that, frowning in confusion. “What? My navy? What are you talking about?”

“You know that before we met, I was a soldier in my father’s army. I could serve you well, if you let me learn your people’s ways of combat.”

Nie Mingjue took in the words consideringly, then nodded once and resumed looking at his paperwork. 

“You would be welcome to do so if that is your wish.” 

He agreed easily enough, but Meng Yao couldn’t help noticing there was something he was holding back.

“You seem hesitant,” he commented directly.

A crease formed between Nie Mignjue’s eyebrows. “I am in full support of your proposal to train in our ways of combat. Despite your skills underwater, I imagine carrying a saber’s weight on land feels rather different. It was your suggestion to enlist as a soldier that made me hesitant. If you wish to stay, there are...other roles we can look into that might be better suited for you.”

Meng Yao bristled. What was that supposed to mean? He wasn’t good enough for Mingjue’s forces? Wasn’t strong enough? Meng Yao might not be built like a mountain, but he wasn’t weak. He had killed Wen Ruohan for crying out loud! Something no one, not even Nie Mingjue himself, had been able to accomplish.

Nie Mingjue did not elaborate further, nor did he see the change in Meng Yao’s mood because he was once again, looking down at his damn report. 

Feeling uncomfortable and overly sensitive, Meng Yao thought it best to retreat before he said something he might regret. He did not let his sour mood affect his voice as he politely said, “I wish to take a bath, if that is alright with you.”

"You don’t need to ask permission. Do you require my help to fill the bath?”

“No, thank you. I can manage,” he declined quickly. Luckily, Nie Mingjue didn’t seem to think much of it.

“There are towels and fresh bandages in the wardrobe here. There should be a clean robe in your size as well. Soaps are in the chest in the corner of the bathroom. Call if you need help,” Nie Mingjue explained thoroughly, before leaving him to it.

Meng Yao gathered all he needed and left the door to the bathroom slightly ajar.

Turning the levers, he watched hot water fill the basin. As it poured from the faucets, he gathered soaps and oils, all manner of floral aromas he had never smelled before. He slipped his robe off onto the floor, toed out of his sandals, until he was naked save for the white bandages around his body.

Sitting on the edge of the pool, he peeled the bandages off his legs slowly, holding his breath all the while.  

It was slightly less jarring, seeing the wounds for the second time. 

Ugly welts where smooth skin had been just two days ago. They were scattered in various places, four on his left calf, three on his inner thighs, one right on his knee that burned every time he bent his leg. Raised and red, thread sewing the ends of his flesh together tightly so they could meet. 

As he stepped into the warm water, deeper and deeper until it reached his shoulders, he felt the creeping of insecurity in his heart rise higher and higher. 

Why was it, even here, where no one knew him - he was still judged and disrespected. Was there just something inherently loathsome about him that inspired people’s disdain? No matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he achieved, people found a reason to drag him through the dirt. 

He lowered his head under the surface, holding his breath for once while he did it. How long would it be before Nie Mingjue shared their opinion? He had valued his insights in the past, but when asked to publicly recognize his use and grant him a position, he had been dismissed. Meng Yao couldn’t help but recall how similarly his father had treated him. Dirtying his hands in private, with the false promise of future acknowledgement and formal recognition.

A son of a whore should know his place.

Captain’s never going to share his favorite whore with you so keep dreaming.

There are...other roles we can look into that might be better suited for you.

He soaked in the water until his human fingers pruned, touched the smooth emptiness between each digit where webbing once connected them.

So lost was he in his depressing thoughts, he nearly jumped when he heard Nie Mingjue call out to him. 

“Did you somehow manage to drown in there?” Nie Mingjue’s booming voice echoed in the bathroom. Meng Yao blinked, recognizing an undercurrent of humor in his tone and oh heavens, was that supposed to be a joke ? He couldn’t help the quirk in his lips, the easing of tension, that came with hearing such a ridiculous question.

“I’ll be right out,” he called back, wondering how much time had passed. Drowning in self-pity made it difficult to tell.

Stepping out of the bath, Meng Yao patted himself dry, and rewrapped his legs and shoulder - not as neatly as the doctor had done, but good enough. Squeezing the excess water from his hair, he brushed through the tangles with a comb, leaving his hair down to dry.

Tying a thin, clean robe loosely around his waist, Meng Yao finally stepped back into the bedroom, somewhat more relaxed than when he left. 

In fact, he felt well enough to tease Nie Mingjue. “Miss me already, Captain?” 

There was a tray on the table that had not been there before. On it, a teapot with two small cups, and an untouched array of cakes. How did he not even notice the sound of a servant entering the room while he was bathing?

“I simply did not want the tea to go cold,” Nie Mingjue replied, voice a low grumble, but the mirth playing on his lips unmistakable. When Meng Yao walked fully into his line of view, the playful smile faded slightly, replaced with a look of pure appreciation, gaze traveling down Meng Yao’s body none too subtly. Meng Yao was surprised. Freshly bathed - of all things - was a look that seemed to catch Nie Mingjue’s attention like nothing else had thus far. Perhaps the sight of his dripping wet hair was bringing back memories. Seeming to catch himself staring, Nie Mingjue immediately turned his eyes elsewhere and gestured for Meng Yao to sit down on the cushion across the table, which he did gracefully.

“Ah. A logical explanation. Forgive my presumption,” he said, lips quirked up in a small, genuine smile, and watched as Nie Mingjue shook his head fondly and let out a huff of laughter. The man was always handsome, but especially so when he laughed. Meng Yao wanted to see him do so every day. He wanted to be the reason for it.

Nie Mingjue reached a hand towards the teapot, but Meng Yao beat him to it, lifting the heavy pot by the handle. “Allow me,” he insisted, and poured Nie Mingjue’s cup first. Nie Mingjue shrugged, and allowed him to serve them both. 

“What types of cakes are these?” Meng Yao asked, as he put a pastry on each of the small dessert plates, and passed one over.

“Osmanthus cakes,” Nie Mingjue answered, watching Meng Yao’s hands move gracefully across the table to set everything in place. “You said you liked the sweets Xichen bought you.”

Meng Yao’s hand stuttered, hovering over his cup dumbly for a moment before he regained his senses and took it in hand. 

Oh. His heart fluttered in his chest, and he couldn’t help the true, wide smile the words brought forth, dimples on full display, brightening his face.  

“Trying to impress me?” he asked boldly, enjoying putting Nie Mingjue on the spot. 

Nie Mingjue hid his mouth behind his cup, and muttered, “Shut up and eat the damn cake,” before taking a swig of his boiling hot tea like he was shooting down liquor. If he burnt his tongue in the process, he showed no sign of pain on his face. Truly impressive.

“Of course. If you had it brought especially for me, I will savor every morsel,” Meng Yao said sweetly, as he brought the cake to his mouth, smelling its lovely floral aroma for a moment before taking a small bite.

He closed his eyes, and let out a small moan of pleasure.

A choking sound followed from the other side of the table, where Nie Mingjue was now slamming down his cup, splattering tea on the table, and coughing to clear his throat.

“Are you alright?” Meng Yao asked, voice thick with concern, which masked the thrill he felt at seeing Nie Mingjue reduced to a coughing mess from one little moan.

“I’m fine,” Nie Mingjue said, looking far from fine, and more than a little red.

Hiding his smile behind his teacup, Meng Yao felt Nie Mingjue’s eyes on him, heated, dark, and oh so familiar. He knew that look well. It was a familiar game, and Meng Yao wanted to play. 

So why deny himself? 

For a moment, his ruminations from the bath resurged. But with Nie Mingjue looking at him, wanting him so clearly, he shut the voices down.

Fuck those men. Fuck their words. Fuck their jealousy. 

Nie Mingjue wanted him, and he wanted Nie Mingjue. He’d sooner kill those men than let them shame him away from the one good thing he had left in his life.

Pretending he didn’t notice Nie Mingjue undressing him with his eyes, Meng Yao broke off a piece of cake and used his fingers to eat it, pressing it to his lips, moaning quietly, and licking its sticky remains from his fingers.

After he did this a couple more times, Nie Mingjue finally cracked.

“Meng Yao…” Nie Mingjue warned low, and rough. Like a wild beast, moments before it pounced upon its prey.

Looking up beneath long lashes, brushing the pad of his thumb against his lower lip, he asked innocently, “Yes?” 

Nie Mingjue was in no mood for dragging the game out. “Either stop what you’re doing, or get over here this instant.” 

Pleased and excited, Meng Yao put the tiny remainder of the cake back down on his plate, and walked to the other side of the table. With the grace of a snake, he coiled himself on the other man’s lap, legs wrapped around the man’s waist. Right where he belonged.

Without a word, Meng Yao undid his already loose robe completely and let it pool messily onto the floor behind him. Nie Mingjue was instantly transfixed by his nakedness, eyes soaking in a sight he had not seen outside his dreams these past few months. So lost was Nie Mingjue in his worshipful gaze, he didn’t see the kiss coming until his lips were being coaxed open by Meng Yao’s tongue.

With a content groan, Nie Mingjue lost himself in the mindless pursuit of pleasure. Meng Yao melted in those strong arms, relieved by the revelation that Nie Mingjue was kissing him back exactly like he used to. Like he wanted him, like he might love him.

As though he could hear his thoughts, Nie Mingjue pulled Meng Yao flush against his body, chests pressed so closely, not even a breath of space existed between them. His large hands nearly encircled the younger’s waist, holding Meng Yao firmly in place on his lap.

And in between his legs, Meng Yao felt a familiar hardness, pressing up insistently through the man’s clothes. Meng Yao ground down experimentally, and was rewarded with a curse and the tightening of Mingjue’s fingers on his hips. This position was new for them, and he was enjoying the control having legs allowed him over his own pleasure, and Nie Mingjue’s. Keeping up his rhythmic grinding, Meng Yao pulled back to bite Nie Mingjue’s lower lip. 

“Take me, just like this, Da-ge. Make me yours again,” he pleaded into the warm breath of air between their lips.

As predicted, begging was the final straw for Nie Mingjue’s self-control and rationality. The man let out a positively animalistic growl, and Meng Yao’s breath caught as he felt large hands grope his bare ass, lifting him up. Meng Yao had to wrap his arms around Nie Minjue’s neck to avoid a sudden collision as he was laid down flat on his back onto the low wooden table. Reports and scrolls went flying askew, and at least one teacup fell to the floor.

“You’re already mine,” Nie Mingjue growled, and sought to emphasize that claim with a rough kiss and hard squeeze of Meng Yao’s slender hips. He settled himself over his lover’s lithe body and in between his spread legs, like it was right where he belonged. 

Nie Mingjue’s hands roamed across his lover’s bare chest, tweaking and rubbing his nipples until Meng Yao squirmed from the overstimulation. “Too much,” Meng Yao protested, pulling away from the kiss and turning his head away, but all that did was redirect Mingjue’s attention. He moved on to suck purple bruises at Meng Yao’s pale neck, down to his pectorals, lavishing attention to the pink buds with his tongue instead of his fingers, kissing and sucking them into his mouth like a man starved.

“Da-ge, please,” he begged, trying to use his legs to pull Mingjue in closer to relieve the throbbing in his groin.

“Patience,” Mingjue ordered, sparing no mercy as he reacquainted himself with Meng Yao’s body at his own leisure. 

Of all times for Nie Mingjue to to decide to cultivate the virtue of patience. 

“Take your time the next round,” Meng Yao groaned, arching his back, and snuck a hand down to his cock to try and relieve some of the building pressure. Immediately catching sight of what the other was doing, Nie Mingjue pulled back to watch, eyes gazing hungrily at the sight the younger man made, brazenly stroking his cock, pupils blown, lips red and plump, legs spread, his wet and hungry hole on display. A gift ready to be fucked to oblivion.

Nie Mingjue was easily persuaded. His hands made quick work of his belt, unlacing his trousers, and freeing his thick girth. Meng Yao’s mouth watered at the sight. Nie Mingjue then made to lift Meng Yao’s legs, to wrap them around his waist properly, so that he could better position himself in between, and slide home into the mer’s tight cunt.

What Nie Mingjue did not realize in his lust-fueled haste, was that as he moved the mer’s legs, the palms of his hands splayed directly over his bandages, fingers digging into the flesh of his legs. 

That was where it all went wrong. 

Suddenly, Meng Yao’s body was no longer tensing, toes curling and back arching, from pleasure. Now he was frozen, mind transported far away, so he was no longer lying on a table in Nie Mingjue’s bedroom. Now he was on his back on the wooden planks of a ship. And the hands that were touching his legs weren’t those of his lover, but Wen Ruohan. 

Pain of the past overrode pleasure of the moment, and before he could stop and think about what he was doing, Meng Yao had pulled a leg back and kicked forward as hard as he could. Hard enough for the man, who had been seconds away from burying his cock in wet heat, to groan in pain and stumble backwards, his hands retreating to clutch at his stomach. 

“What the fuck, Meng Yao!” Nie Mingjue cursed.

The anger in his voice snapped Meng Yao back to reality. The realization of what he’d just done set in at once, and he immediately got down off the table and on his knees to check Mingjue’s injury, a flurry of apologies rushing from his lips.  

“I’m so sorry, are you alright? Do you need a doctor?” 

“I’m fine,” Nie Mingjue dismissed, rubbing at his stomach, assessing the extent of the injury. It did nothing to appease Meng Yao’s worry - he had seen bandages around Nie Mingjue’s chest this morning, and hoped he hadn’t damaged any of his still healing ribs. 

Embarrassed and heart heavy with guilt, Meng Yao felt the desperate urge to cover himself up. The mood was effectively ruined beyond salvage, so he grabbed his discarded robe and threw it on quickly. 

“Where did that come from, Meng Yao?” Nie Mingjue asked, his tone demanding an explanation at once.

Meng Yao bowed his head, and hoped Mingjue would believe him to be genuinely remorseful, because he was . “It was an accident, I’m sorry, Mingjue. Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

From his peripheral vision, he saw Mingjue move closer to where he was kneeling on the ground. A hand firmly grasped his chin, lifting his face up, and he looked warily at Nie Mingjue, who said, quite clearly, “I’m not asking for an apology, I’m asking for an explanation. Did I hurt you? Was I too rough?”

Meng Yao blinked in surprise. He would have laughed, if it wasn’t so sad.

I’m the one who kicked you to the floor, and you’re asking if you hurt me?

“No, of course not,” Meng Yao assured quietly, and it was true. It was my fault. Nie Mingjue’s grip on his legs hadn’t been hard enough to hurt, it was Meng Yao who had just lost himself for a moment and overreacted.

Nie Mingjue looked at him discerningly, eyes shifting to downward as he tried to understand what happened. His eyes caught on the white cloth bandages, and widened in sudden realization. 

“Fuck. This is because I grabbed you by your legs, isn’t it? Why not just say so?” Nie Mingjue asked, eyebrows furrowed in frustration, hitting the nail right on the head.

Meng Yao stood quickly, seeking to put some distance between them, for reasons not even he could put to words. But Nie Mingjue did not want to let him go, and grabbed Meng Yao’s forearm firmly in hand, preventing the other from running away. Away from the conversation. Away from him. “You said I didn’t hurt you, why lie?”

“I wasn’t lying!” Meng Yao hissed, the distinct anxiety of being cornered rising in his chest.

“Then what is going on with you?” Nie Mingjue asked sharply, frowning at Meng Yao’s defensive tone. “Just tell me the truth, Meng Yao. Why is that so hard for you to do!”

Meng Yao could barely think, much less recognize the concern underlying the demand in Mingjue’s voice. It was too much. Wen Ruohan. The rumors. The helplessness. The only thoughts running through his mind, an echo of self-hatred.

“I don’t have to do anything! I am not your personal whore, Captain,” he remarked icily, and watched the words fall like knives into Nie Mingjue’s heart. 

The second they passed his lips, Meng Yao regretted them. Nie Mingjue’s scowl disappeared, replaced with blanket shock, and he immediately released Meng Yao’s arm from his grip. And for what might have been the first time in his life, Nie Mingjue retreated, physically taking a step backwards, away from Meng Yao.

Fuck. Meng Yao never lost control like that. He knew better than to take out his frustrations on someone, especially someone he cared about.

Nie Mingjue did not say anything, looking too shocked to formulate any type of response. He stared at Meng Yao like...like he was a stranger to him, and it hurt to be on the other end of that unseeing gaze. It cut him to the core. But he deserved it. 

So Meng Yao did what anyone with an overactive fight or flight instinct would do in his situation.

He turned and ran out of the room.

And the worst part was, Nie Mingjue did not follow after him. It was probably for the best that he didn’t. Who knows what vile poison Meng Yao would speak next.

He slowed his pace to a walk, but his heart rate did slow to match, blood pounding like a drum in his ears. Pure frustration filled him to the brim. Wandering without destination, he eventually found himself outside the palace walls, and headed towards the shore. He only stopped when ocean water lapped at his ankles, freezing his feet cold. Of course, he had not had time to wear shoes before he ran out, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

Instead of helping to relax him, the cold water somehow made him feel worse. He didn’t want the cold, he wanted the warmth of a bed, thick blankets and a fireplace. It was contrary to his nature, for a merman to crave comfort from such bizarre things. That is, if he could even be called a merman anymore. The weight of the bracelet on his arm had already become unnoticeable to Meng Yao, like it was a fundamental part of who he was now.

With a sigh, he walked in the direction of the koi fountain that he had and Lan Xichen had come across earlier. It had caught his attention, but he hadn’t wanted to linger at the time. Truth be told, he felt some measure of pity for the little creatures, trapped in such a small prison. Meng Yao sat on the stone ledge surrounding the fountain, and dipped his feet into the water, letting the sand that had stuck to his skin wash off. The sunset colored koi swarmed to him, circling his legs excitedly in greeting. 

Well, he thought with a self-deprecating smile, at least somebody still likes me. 

He was such an idiot. 

A clearing of the throat had Meng Yao turning his head quickly. But to his relief, it was not Nie Mingjue.

“Lan Xichen,” Meng Yao made to get up and bow, but Lan Xichen placed a hand on his good shoulder and smiled at him, silently asking him not to get up.

“Meng Yao,” Lan Xichen said his name gently, eyes studying his face. Meng Yao wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but he smiled up at him just to be safe. 

“Is everything alright, Zewu-jun?” Meng Yao asked. 

“I think the better question is, are you alright?” Lan Xichen asked knowingly, and Meng Yao immediately understood the situation. It was no coincidence that Lan Xichen would be out and about at such a late hour, and just so happen to run into him at this specific place. 

He looked down at the fish, and sighed. “Did he send you to look for me?”

Lan Xichen nodded, ending their little game of back and forth questions. “Yes. He just wanted to make sure you were safe.”

Why not come himself then? But that was a selfish thought. He had pushed the man away, quite literally and forcefully, it was reasonable for Mingjue to think Meng Yao would not want to see him right now. It was also for the best, as it gave Meng Yao time to think through his next move for damage control.

“Would you like to talk about what is upsetting you?” Lan Xichen asked gently, eyebrows drawn together in concern. 

Meng Yao shook his head. “You are kind, Lan Xichen, but I don’t wish to burden you,” he answered.

Lan Xichen frowned, and lifted a hand, looking like wanted to reach over and place it on Meng Yao’s shoulder, but caught himself quickly and aborted the motion, putting it back down to his side. “You’re not burdening me in the slightest. I ask because I want to help you and Mingjue-xiong, if I can.”

Meng Yao was not used to someone caring enough to try and help fix his problems, so he wasn’t sure how exactly he was supposed to respond. “May I ask what Nie Mingjue told you?” he ventured, figuring it would be a safe place to start. 

“Only that the two of you had a disagreement, and you left before it could be resolved. He asked me if I might check on you to make sure you were safe, which I of course, was more than happy to do,” Lan Xichen assured and sat down beside him on the fountain ledge, body facing outwards to oversee the courtyard, while Meng Yao sat inwards facing the fountain.

Meng Yao nodded. Nie Mingjue really couldn’t have shared more than that, even if he wanted to. It was not as though he could look a man as noble and dignified as Lan Xichen in the eye, and say, Lan Xichen, my dear friend. Truth be told, I was a moment away from thoroughly fucking my former lover on the table, but the little viper kicked me in the chest and told me to fuck right off. He’s far more trouble than he’s worth, don’t you agree? 

Arranging his words carefully, so as not to outright dismiss Lan Xichen, Meng Yao could only add, “The disagreement he referred to was entirely my fault. Nie Mingjue did nothing wrong, I overreacted and I know I must apologize. I just needed a moment to clear my mind.”

Lan Xichen hummed, thinking to himself in silence. Meng Yao peered at him from the corner of his eye, and saw the moonlight illuminating his pale beauty. 

“I know Mingjue-xiong quite well after all these years,” Lan Xichen started after a few minutes had passed, and looked up at the sky. “If I may offer a piece of advice?”

Meng Yao nodded immediately. “Yes, of course.”

“Just because you betrayed him once, does not mean everything that follows is your fault.”

Meng Yao froze in place. A tumult of thoughts raged in his mind. Lan Xichen knew? But he had been so kind to him...had it just been an act all along?

“Yes, I know about what happened. Mingjue told me some time ago. And I am not here to cast judgement upon you,” Lan Xichen assured, turning to look at Meng Yao now, to show the sincerity of his words. 

Meng Yao scanned the man’s expression for a glimmer of a lie, but could find none. Why not?

Noticing Meng Yao’s clear confusion, Lan Xichen elaborated, “There is more than one side to every story. And it became very clear to me, within moments of meeting you, that you love my friend very dearly. That is all that matters to me.”

Was that naivety or strength, that Lan Xichen carried, to be so open? Perhaps a little of both. Meng Yao bowed his head in gratitude. “Thank you, Xichen. Not everyone is as understanding as you.” A hand placed on Meng Yao’s shoulder had him looking back up, eyes wide, to see Lan Xichen looking intently at him. 

“Mingjue is. Explain why you were upset, and I promise you he will understand,” he said kindly, with a gentle squeeze of his shoulder before he released it. 

They truly must know each other well, because Lan Xichen had just echoed Nie Mingjue’s own words right back at Meng Yao.

“I am grateful for your council,” Meng Yao said sincerely. 

“And I for your ear,” Lan Xichen replied, as he made to stand up. “May we see each other again tomorrow?”

“I would love to,” Meng Yao agreed, and lifted his legs from the fountain to turn around and stand in respect. Once he stood however, he began to question the wisdom in that decision. He felt a bit foolish standing there in only a threadbare robe, practically inviting rumors with how inappropriate he looked. Pushing the thought aside, he asked, “If I may suggest, could we go to the library?” 

Lan Xichen looked downright thrilled at the suggestion, eyes shining brightly. “Yes of course! Qinghe’s library is filled with wonderful texts I am eager to show you.”

“That would be lovely, but I…” He hesitated to admit the reason why he wanted to go there in the first place, but pushed forward, hoping Lan Xichen would not judge him for it. “I am actually hoping to find some introductory materials with which to learn from.”

Lan Xichen’s expression morphed into understanding, but to Meng Yao’s relief, he didn’t spy any pity or judgment along with it. The man simply nodded to himself, and said “I have been told I am an adept teacher. I would be honored to help you learn to read and write our language.”

Meng Yao’s mouth opened and closed once in shock, before he managed to gather his wits. “Lan Xichen, you honor me with your generous offer. But I could not possibly accept. You are an important figure, with great responsibilities back in your kingdom. Surely you have better things to do than to tutor someone like me.” He smiled to hide his disappointment. It would have been a great honor to learn from Lan Xichen, but alas it just wasn’t realistic. 

But Lan Xichen was not so easily deterred, and shook his head. “Meng Yao. Let me worry about my responsibilities. I have a feeling you will be a quick study. And my reasons are not entirely selfless. I find myself enjoying your company, if you could find it in yourself to indulge me.”

Meng Yao felt his cheeks redden. His heart belonged to Nie Mingjue, and that would never change. But Lan Xichen was beginning to occupy a new, different type of space there nonetheless. 

“Thank you, Lan Xichen. I am truly honored,” he said, hoping Lan Xichen was able to see just how much this meant to him. 

Lan Xichen inclined his head gracefully, “Think nothing of it.” He stood, and added with a small smile, “Don’t be too hard on him.”

“I won’t,” Meng Yao promised easily.

Looking down to meet his eyes, Lan Xichen added, “Don’t be too hard on yourself either.”

Golden eyes widened, and the mer hesitated for a moment. “I’ll try,” he compromised.

Lan Xichen smiled knowingly. “That’s all I ask. Sleep well, Meng Yao.”

“Sleep well, Lan Xichen,” Meng Yao returned the sentiment, and watched the man’s silhouette disappear back inside the palace.

After a few more solitary moments, Meng Yao decided it was time, and he walked back slowly to Nie Mingjue’s bedchambers, his conversation with Lan Xichen having lightened some of the heaviness in his mind. But despite the lightened load, he was still dreading having to explain himself to Nie Mingjue.

When he walked through the door, he saw the reports and papers had been cleared up, the tea set put away. The man himself was sitting at the table, and had since changed into his sleeping clothes. A candle illuminated the room, where Nie Mingjue was frowning down at an open scroll. He looked up immediately upon hearing Meng Yao enter the room, and Meng Yao noticed how the man’s shoulders seemed to slump down, some of the tension easing from his body. He immediately stood up to meet Meng Yao.

“Meng Yao-”

“Please, Mingjue. Let me speak first?” Meng Yao interrupted, and Nie Mingjue’s lips thinned into a line. Still, he nodded and held back words that seemed to be just barely contained.

Meng Yao looked Nie Mingjue in the eyes, and took in a steadying breath. Contrite and sincere, he said, “Mingjue, please forgive me for kicking you undeservedly. The truth is…I have been having difficulty adjusting, since the incident on Wen Ruohan’s ship. I am plagued with memories...I was not lying before. You didn’t hurt me. It was my fault, my mind playing tricks on me.” 

It took a couple of minutes before Nie Mingjue was ready to give any sort of reply. “Thank you for explaining yourself.” He sighed, struggling to put into words the rest of what he had to say. “But what happened before was not your fault. I should not have pushed you to speak before you were ready. You are still healing, in more ways than one, and I hope you might forgive me for my behavior.” 

Meng Yao’s head shot up. “No you didn’t-” He stopped, and remembered what Lan Xichen had said to him, and bit his lip. “Thank you, Mingjue.”

Nie Mingjue nodded, and took a step closer. “You don’t have to answer this right now, but I would like to know why you said what you did before you stormed out.”

Meng Yao looked away at that. He contemplated lying, but Nie Mingjue would see right through him. And...he didn’t want to lie to him anymore. Mingjue deserved better than that. Swallowing hard around the lump in his throat, Meng Yao confessed, “Earlier today, when Lan Xichen and I were returning to the palace, we overheard men insulting me behind my back and demeaning the nature of our relationship. It shouldn’t have affected me so deeply, I’ve certainly heard worse before. But as I said, I have not been myself lately, so I lashed out at you for it.” He looked up when he was finished, and tensed at what he saw.

Nie Mingjue looked beyond furious, hands clenched, vein pulsing at his temple. He was clearly struggling to rein in his anger. “Why… ”

Meng Yao braced himself, feet grounded and shoulders tense.

Nie Mingjue seemed to notice the way Meng Yao held himself, because he let out a harsh breath, and ran a hand through his loose hair in an effort to calm himself before speaking. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have ensured they were dealt with right away,” Nie Mingjue asked, now sounding more confused than angry.

“I know, Mingjue. But that is exactly why I didn’t tell you. I don’t need you to protect me. I can defend myself,” Meng Yao explained, growing more bold with every word.

Nie Mingjue raised an eyebrow. “I am more than aware you can defend yourself, Meng Yao. In fact, my newly bruised ribs can attest to it!” he said, with a gentle tap of his chest. But he did not seem annoyed. If anything, he sounded oddly proud that Meng Yao had the strength to kick his ass, should the occasion arise.

“I really am sorry about that,” Meng Yao said once more for good measure.

“Well, I’m not. Not if it led to us speaking like this,” Nie Mingjue said firmly. He reached out a hand, and brushed Meng Yao’s loose hair behind his ear. A familiar gesture that had Meng Yao melting, head tilting into the warmth of that hand. “I know you don’t need my protection, but you will have my support for as long as I draw breath,” he vowed.

Meng Yao’s breath stuttered in his throat. That was...

“It just angers me that anyone would dare say that about you.”

Meng Yao shrugged, trying to play it off like it was nothing to him, when they both knew it wasn’t. “Plenty of people have ‘dared’. I was only surprised that they found a reason to call me a whore even without knowing my past. I suppose I should be grateful. At least they were not dragging my mother’s name in the dirt along with mine,” he said bitterly. 

“Don’t say that! Don’t even think it,” Nie Mignjue snapped, then let out an aggravated sigh, nostrils flaring, struggling to find a way to say what he wanted to delicately. But delicacy was not his forte, so he quickly gave up, and spoke his heart in all its raw truth, pointing a finger in Meng Yao’s face all the while. “Meng Yao. Listen closely. You are not a whore. You are a brave warrior who suffered great injury, risked your life to rescue me from a dangerous enemy. Anyone who says otherwise can meet the end of my blade! Do you understand me?” He slapped his hand to his waist, as though to grasp for his saber, which he was not even wearing.

Meng Yao’s eyes widened into saucers with every word of the impassioned speech. Nie Mingjue sounded like he was both delivering a rally to his armies, and scolding Nie Huaisang, simultaneously. His tone was not at all what one might call consoling or comforting, but to Meng Yao, his words were the sweetest honey.

“Thank you,” Meng Yao said again, voice barely above a whisper. Nie Mingjue raised an eyebrow expectantly and Meng Yao quickly added, “I understand.”

Nie Mingjue placed both hands firmly on Meng Yao’s shoulders, and when Meng Yao immediately tried to gaze downward, the man placed a gentle touch of his fingers beneath Meng Yao’s chin to raise it up again. “In any case, perhaps it is for the best if we halt further intimate activities between us.”

What? A flash of hurt passed through Meng Yao’s eyes, quick and sharp, before he hid it away behind a dull acceptance. 

Had Nie Mingjue not been looking so closely at him, he would have missed it. 

As it were, Nie Mingjue visibly panicked at the sight and held Meng Yao’s shoulders tighter under his grip, as if he were afraid Meng Yao would slip away again.

“No don’t--That is not to say I no longer desire you! You are the only one I wish to share my bed with. I only meant…” he trailed off, not wanting to mess up again, until he said, red-faced and whispering, “You are worth more to me than just a body to seek pleasure from. You are worth everything.”

Meng Yao’s lips parted. His brain trying to process what he had just heard, and coming up short. Tears shone like crystals in his eyes, and through watery vision, he saw Nie Mingjue’s panic escalate, thinking he had somehow managed to make things worse again.

It was endearing. Mingjue was trying so hard. For him. What a fool. He loved this man so much it hurt. 

There were no words to describe how he felt, so Meng Yao simply stepped closer, and wrapped his arms around Nie Mingjue, burying his face in the man’s robes. The man returned the embrace without hesitation, holding the smaller body close to his chest, sheltering him in strong arms.

Nie Mingjue held him until the trembling in his bones stopped, and his restless soul settled into his body. It defied all logic, but Meng Yao felt grounded on the earth in ways he never had been in the water. Like this was right where he belonged.

With a hand softly, but firmly taking his own, Nie Mingjue led Meng Yao to their bed. They lay clothed underneath the sheets, Meng Yao’s cheek pressed against Nie Mingjue’s beating chest as he held him close. There was no more need for words tonight.

Soft moonlight shone in the room from the open balcony, illuminating the shape of their bodies. 

It felt like home. And he was determined to make sure it stayed that way.

~

The next morning, Lan Xichen sought him out to visit the library as they had planned. Nie Mingjue was inordinately pleased once he heard of Lan Xichen’s intent to tutor him. 

“Just do not forget we have a council meeting in the afternoon. You too, Meng Yao,” he had said as he finished getting dressed. 

“Are you sure that is appropriate?” Meng Yao had asked, internally thrilled that Nie Mingjue thought to include him in such an affair. It made him feel important, like he was being taken seriously, not just as a lover but as a skilled, intelligent man with something to contribute.

Nie Mingjue dismissed his worries. “It is my council and my decision. If I wish you to be there, it will be done. I suspect it will not take long for you to learn the ins and outs of our state’s affairs better than most of my subordinates.”

Meng Yao preened at the praise, and vowed not to disappoint him.

The library at Qinghe was grand, with rows upon rows of shelved manuscripts and texts. Lan Xichen gathered a collection of scrolls on calligraphy from the library, brushes and inks and papers for him to practice. He was a patient teacher, and Meng Yao was indeed a quick study. They intermingled their writing lesson with a lesson overviewing the various human kingdoms, including Lan Xichen’s home of Gusu. Perhaps one day he would get to see the mountainous region himself. There was a whole world outside the ocean he was suddenly eager to see. 

As he practiced his calligraphy, he asked, “Lan Xichen, I hope this is not too forward of me, but I hoped you might tell me more about your brother and Wei Wuxian. Were they close?”

Lan Xichen smiled sadly. “Indeed. Wangji never had very many friends growing up. Wei Wuxian was the first to really get close to him. I even suspected...” he trailed off.

After a few moments of silence, Meng Yao prompted, “Suspected?”

Turning the brush over in his hand, Lan Xichen continued slowly, “I...I cannot speak to Wei Wuxian’s feelings. But I long suspected Wangji might carry feelings for Wei Wuxian beyond friendship. Wangji went so far as to invite Wei Wuxian to settle down and live with him in Gusu, but Wei Wuxian refused. And then the next moment, he disappeared from his life. I’m afraid my brother’s love was not reciprocated.” 

“That is truly unfortunate,” Meng Yao said sympathetically. 

Meng Yao continued to repeat characters on the scroll, practicing over and over until he got his brush strokes just right. All the while, thinking back to his interaction with Wei Wuxian in Yiling. The wheels of his mind turned, formulating a plan. He had always wondered, just where had Wei Wuxian disappeared in the years before his isolation in Yiling? It seemed he had been with this Lan Wangji, at least for some time. 

“Perhaps there might be another explanation,” Meng Yao said at once. 

Lan Xichen’s eyes followed his hand as Meng Yao dipped the tip of the brush in the inkwell.

“Such as?”

“It is possible, if neither of you knew he was of mer kind, that he felt guilt over keeping that secret, and feared how the truth might be received,” he ventured a guess. 

“You may be right.” Lan Xichen acquiesced. “But I know my brother would have accepted him, no matter the truth.”

An idea took root in Meng Yao’s ever scheming mind. Perhaps there was a way to barter for the bracelet permanently. Meng Yao did not want to have his permanency in Qinghe looming over an unfulfilled debt. And Lan Xichen had just handed him the key.

“I believe you. And I believe that there might be a way to help your brother yet, Lan Xichen.”

Lan Xichen looked up at him curiously,

“Will you help me?” Meng Yao asked.

Lan Xichen smiled, and said “Of course.”

After he explained his plan, and the nature of his deal with Wei Wuxian, the two of them set aside their writing tools and walked to the beach, pacing up and down the sandy shore, looking for seashells. It took some time before Meng Yao finally stopped, and picked up a pale pink one, a conch shell to be precise. He held it up to his lips, and blew into it hard while Lan Xichen watched in fascination. 

Toeing off his shoes and lifting his robes up, Meng Yao stepped into the water, until it reached his mid calves. After a few minutes of waiting, the water rippled to reveal a yellow koi, swimming around his ankles in the shallows. 

Lan Xichen, who was watching a couple feet away, could not help but remark, “That is truly incredible.”

Meng Yao watched it circle his legs in the water, Then leaning down, he ran his fingertips along its scales, closing his eyes to convey his message. With a gentle ripple, it swam off into the deeper ocean once again. Meng Yao truly had to commend Wei Wuxian. The bracelet may have changed his physiology - but it had removed none of the magical affinities of their kind.  

Wading back to the sand, Meng Yao smiled and said, “Thank you. It is an old mer trick.”

Meng Yao handed the seashell to Lan Xichen who examined it, turning it this way and that way to see what made it so unique.

“How can you tell which shells work?” 

It was a good question, and Meng Yao tried to answer in a way that might make sense to a human. “It is...difficult to explain. I have a feeling, an instinct that draws me to the shells with magic. I’m sorry that is not terribly clear,” Meng Yao said, shrugging apologetically. 

Lan Xichen did not mind at all, and handed the shell back to Meng Yao who shook his head. 

Looking to the sand, he explained, “I would like it if you kept it. I realize it is merely a small token compared to what you are doing for me, but if you are ever in need, speak into it and I will hear you and come to your aid.” It was the least he could do for the man who defended his honor and aided him in exchange for nothing.

“Meng Yao…” Lan Xichen said in awe, and then proceeded to bend at the waist and bow. Meng Yao nearly fell over in shock. 

“Lan Xichen, please! Don’t…” He wanted to reach out and pull him upright but would never presume to touch him. To his relief, Lan Xichen soon righted himself, eyes shining with delight and happiness as he looked at Meng Yao as though he had handed him a sapphire instead of a seashell.

“I will treasure this gift, just as I will treasure our friendship,” he said sincerely, and Meng Yao did not know how a person could be so earnest.

“As will I,” Meng Yao said around the lump in his throat. He knew not all humans were as good as Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue, but if he had had even one friend like this while growing up under the sea, perhaps his life would have turned out differently. 

Looking out to the ocean, Lan Xichen asked, “What happens next?”

“If he accepts, he will meet us here in the evening.”

Casting a sideways glance at his companion, Lan Xichen asked, “Will you tell Mingjue-xiong?”

Meng Yao thought about it for a moment, before he nodded. “I will. But not until after the meeting. There is no use worrying him before then.”

Looking up at the sun, he took note of the hour and slipped back into his shoes. “It is almost time for the council meeting, is it not?”

“Yes it is, let us walk together.”

Lan Xichen escorted Meng Yao to the appropriate hall. As anticipated, Meng Yao felt all eyes on him from the moment he walked in through the ornate doors. But all things considered, it was hardly the worst judgment he had faced. People had stared at him all his life - whispered insults behind his back and spit at his name. A little staring was nothing. 

Nie Mingjue was already seated, front and center, a beacon of authority and power. He gestured with a hand for Meng Yao to take a seat. A specific seat. The empty one. To his left. Well that was...more than he expected. It was making a statement, that was certain. He walked over and sat down with his head high, took in the surprise barely concealed in the men and women's faces. But in Nie Mingjue’s war room, none dared speak against him. He would earn their respect over time, it would just take patience. 

Meng Yao listened attentively to the reports - estimates of the wounded, finances and expense reports for the month, and news of Qishan’s rehabilitation efforts.

It was a lot to take in, but he made sure to memorize every word, the name and face of every general. He did not speak even once, not feeling he was in a position to make his voice heard just yet. 

At the meeting’s conclusion, Meng Yao met Nie Mingjue’s eyes, and the man nodded at him in approval and pride. A concept that was slowly but surely, becoming less foreign.

~

It was near sunset when Meng Yao looked up from the dock, and saw a familiar figure break through the water’s surface. Black hair, sharp eyes, and a lean torso. Annoyance written all over his face.

“A house call. Really, Meng Yao? You couldn’t come to see me in person? I’m offended,” Wei Wuxian complained, pushing the loose hair that had fallen out of his red ribbon back out of his face. 

“My most sincere apologies, Wei Wuxian. But as the water isn’t safe for me to return to just yet, I hoped you might understand my desire to meet on land,” Meng Yao explained, bowing his head in apology.

He’d probably be assassinated on sight by any number of deep sea creatures if he so much as thought about diving in the water. 

Wei Wuxian looked at him curiously, something knowing in his eyes. It glinted like a secret, sharp for a moment, hidden the next. “Hm. I suppose,” he commented shortly. 

Meng Yao wanted to ask what he meant by that, but before he could open his mouth, Wei Wuxian said, “So are you ready to return the bracelet I gave you? I hear you saved your lover, my deepest congratulations, of course, so our business is complete." He extended his hand expectantly. 

Meng Yao smiled thinly. “Thank you. I understand our arrangement was that I would only borrow the bracelet, and return it back to you in time, but I hoped you might be open to amending our deal.”

Wei Wuxian was already shaking his head, a hint of danger playing in his eyes. “I have no interest in your newfound gold or jewels. My craft is far more valuable, and you know it.”

Quick to reassure, Meng Yao nodded and said, “No no, of course not. I realize proposing such a thing would be an insult. I plan to pay you with information. Information which I believe you will find much more valuable.”

Wei Wuxian looked at him closely, head tilted and eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What kind of information?”

“The kind shared by my new friend, Lan Xichen.”

Wei Wuxian paled at the name. “L-Lan Xichen?”

On cue, the man himself appeared from behind one of the ships near the dock and moved to join Meng Yao on the planks, looking down at Wei Wuxian, who was practically frozen in the water as though it were a block of ice.

“Hello, Young Master Wei,” Lan Xichen greeted, a pleasant smile on his face. 

Wei Wuxian bowed his head respectfully, suddenly nervous where he was once cocky and self-assured. “Zewu-Jun. Is-- Is Lan Zhan alright?” It seemed he couldn’t help but ask right away, wondering what other reason Lan Xichen would have for speaking with him. 

“He is in good health. But he has been looking for you tirelessly ever since you left.” Meng Yao noticed how Lan Xichen’s eyes took on a sharp glint, voice hardening ever so slightly as if he blamed the mer for his brother’s sadness. Which Meng Yao was sure he did.

“You haven’t told him about me, have you…?” Wei Wuxian asked nervously.

“No, I only just found out myself. And it would not be my place to divulge your secrets.” Wei Wuxian’s face was awash in relief. But then, Lan Xichen continued, “But you need to tell him yourself. I do not know for certain why you left him without a word of explanation, but if it was out of fear, then you made a mistake. Wangji will accept you no matter what.”

Wei Wuxian bit his lip, looking down to hide his face. “You don’t understand the whole story.”

“Maybe not. But I do understand my brother. And he would not turn his back on the one he has given his heart to.” Meng Yao nodded, pleased Lan Xichen was getting to the point, nice and direct. 

A pause, and then, a strangled laugh. Sad and broken.

“His heart? Hah! Don’t be ridiculous, Lan Zhan doesn’t feel that way towards me…” Wei Wuxian said with a shake of his head, dismissing Lan Xichen's words as though they were an impossibility. 

Meng Yao wanted to strangle the mer for being so dense.

“Wei Wuxian. Do you really not know?” Lan Xichen asked in disbelief.

Seeing how serious the two looked at him, Wei Wuxian hesitated, and a series of complex emotions passed over his face. Disbelief, confusion, fear, and finally, hope. 

“Lan Zhan is…” Wei Wuxian trailed off, unsure. 

Both Lan Xichen and Meng Yao continued to stare and nod at him, willing him to believe it could be true. That Lan Wangji was in love with him, and had been for years. One day, Meng Yao would like to meet this brother of Xichen’s. His commitment and loyalty to love were certainly to be admired.

It was as though a candle was lit behind Wei Wuxian’s eyes, and all that sadness and loneliness he had been carrying melted away. There we go, Meng Yao thought to himself. 

“I have to go! I have to find Lan Zhan now!" Wei Wuxian said, brimming with excitement. 

Lan Xichen and Meng Yao let out twin sighs of relief.

Followed by startled yelps, as they were both soaked with a wave of water as Wei Wuxian used his magic to launch him to the dock. Casting an apologetic look to Lan Xichen, who did not let the splash in any way lessen his graceful demeanor, Meng Yao watched as Wei Wuxian withdrew something from the pouch he carried across his chest. Rubbing the water out of his eyes, Meng Yao’s jaw nearly dropped.

“You had another one all this time?” he asked incredulously.

“Of course. I’m not so stupid as to give you my only talisman. I made a second one long before you came to see me. In exchange for Lan Zhan’s last known location, the bracelet is yours to keep, Meng Yao. Use it well.”

Somehow, “use it well”, sounded an awful lot like “don’t fuck it up”. Which was fair, given Meng Yao’s track record for poor decision making.

“It’s a deal.” 

Without further ado, Wei Wuxian slapped the cuff on his wrist, and they all watched as its magic surrounded his inky black tail in a cloud of red smoke. Once the smoke had cleared, both Lan Xichen and Meng Yao averted their eyes respectfully.

“Oh right. Do either of you have any clothes I can borrow?” 

~

Now that he knew the bracelet, and thus his humanity, was his to keep, it was so much easier for Meng Yao to allow himself to see a future here. He felt lighter. Free. This could truly be his home, if he wanted it. He owed nothing to no one, and he could put the ocean behind him and start anew, with Nie Mingjue by his side.

The hour was late when Meng Yao returned to their room. He and Nie Mingjue sat at the table, which was now incredibly difficult for Meng Yao to look at directly without the memory of the ‘almost’ sex they had had on it. The memory sent a rush down his body, but it was the good kind of rush. Perhaps one day they would get to continue where they left off. 

Meng Yao sipped his tea as he cast subtle glances at Nie Mingjue who sat on the other side. With a delicate grace, he fingered the delicate porcelain of the cup and savored the flavor of jasmine on his tongue. Tea truly was one of humanity’s better inventions. 

It was a shame his mother did not have the chance to experience it in her life, cut short as it was. He wished she were here now. She could have had a fresh start too. A better life, away from the rumors and scorn from their kind. The ocean had been cruel and unforgiving to them both. Meng Shi had always wanted him to find happiness in Lanling, in Koi Tower. Who would have known that he would find it in such an unexpected place instead. Meng Yao hoped wherever her spirit was now, that she was happy for him nonetheless, even if he couldn’t quite fulfill her dreams the way she had wanted. 

Shadows danced across Nie Mingjue’s face, the glow of candlelight kissing his features. A prominent brow, dark, intense eyes, a strong jawline, and a permanent frown on those gorgeous lips. Mingjue’s expression, displeased as though by default, hid all his passion and sweetness underneath the surface. Smiles and softness for Meng Yao alone to bask in, which made them all the more special. Admiring his beloved in the peacefulness of the room, he realized there was no reason to hold back anymore.

“Mingjue, I have something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” Meng Yao said as he carefully placed the cup back in its saucer. 

“Hm. What is it?” Nie Mingjue grunted, not looking up from his work. 

“I love you.”

Nie Mingjue’s hand jerked as he went to dip his brush, and promptly knocked over the inkwell, spilling black ink all over his scroll and the table. The poor table had been through so much in just a matter of days. 

“Fuck,” Nie Mingjue cursed, dropping the brush into the mess. 

Well, that wasn’t the reaction he had been hoping for. Meng Yao pushed down his dismay and immediately tried to move the scrolls and books away from the spread of ink, righting the inkwell up, fingers dirtying black in the process.

“I’m sorry, let me go fetch a--mmph!” 

He was cut off by the tug of his robes, as Nie Mingjue pulled him forward, and silenced him with a hard kiss. It was an inelegant, desperate bid to claim his mouth, noses in the way and teeth clacking, and yet somehow, absolutely perfect. 

Once he recovered from his initial shock, Meng Yao kissed back eagerly, opening his mouth to the onslaught of tongue, moaning as he felt it rub against his own. He entangled ink-stained fingers in Nie Mingjue’s loose hair, tugging and running his fingers through the thick locks that fell well below the man’s shoulders. When they broke apart, Meng Yao gasped for air, eyes hazy, pupils dilated. Nie Mingjue’s kisses could burn a man alive with their passion.

“You infuriating, beautiful--I love you too,” Nie Mingjue practically growled the declaration, and it sounded like a promise against his lips, sealed with a gentle bite of Meng Yao’s lower lip.

Meng Yao smiled widely, bright and dimpled, unrestrained.

“Oh. That’s good,” he said breathlessly, feeling a little giddy in the moment.

Nie Mingjue snorted at his ineloquent response. “Are you surprised? All this time I thought there were brains behind your beauty.” 

Although he was not at all insulted, Meng Yao put on a show of scowling in displeasure. “I’d wager I have more of both than you do.”

Nie Mingjue saw through his act easily, a playful smirk on his face. 

“Is that so? Then you can help me rewrite the scroll you ruined with your perfectly timed confession. Get over here,” Nie Mingjue ordered, but his tone was kind and his eyes were soft as he released the front of Meng Yao’s robes so that the younger could move again. Taking his time to stand and adjust his clothes, Meng Yao walked to the other side of the table next to Nie Mingjue leisurely. Impatient as always, Nie Mingjue reached out and pulled Meng Yao down the moment he was within reach, and the younger let out a yelp of surprise as he fell ungracefully into Nie Mingjue’s lap. 

“A little gentleness wouldn’t kill you,” he complained as he readjusted his seating, so that he was comfortably situated in between Nie Mingjue’s legs, back flush against the man’s chest. 

“Oh, you want gentleness? Like that kick in the ribs you gave me? That was very gentle of you,” The words were said in jest, coupled with a kiss on the top of his head and an arm wrapped around his waist. 

“If you’re lucky, you may receive an elbow there to match,” Meng Yao replied smoothly, melting into the man’s embrace.

At this point in his literary lessons, Meng Yao’s version of “helping” involved watching Nie Mingjue rewrite the scroll, and listening to him translate the meaning behind each line. 

But that was alright, he thought, looking at the ink stains on the pale skin of his hands. 

Because Nie Mingjue loved him. He saw him, all of him, and still found something worth loving. And that had never happened before.

~

Weeks had passed since that night, and Meng Yao woke every morning to sunlight warming his skin, in the safety of his lover's arms.

Today was no different. Nie Mingjue, of course, was already awake, tracing circles on Meng Yao’s chest, planting kisses on the back of his neck. Their entire bodies pressed flush together, back to chest. Heaven.

Once he felt Meng Yao begin to stir, Nie Mingjue immediately rumbled against his skin, breath tickling the back of his neck. “I’ve been thinking.”

“How many times have I told you to leave such matters to me,” Meng Yao murmured back sleepily.

“You--!” Mingjue growled, tightening his hold on the smaller man. 

Meng Yao hid his smile in a pillow. “I apologize, do go on and tell me what you were thinking.”

In retaliation, Nie Mingjue lightly pinched his rear. “I ought not to tell you just for that,” he muttered.

Well, now he had to know.

“Please, Da-ge?” 

“Do you think you can get me to do anything you want just by saying ‘please Da-ge’?” Nie Mingjue asked, sounding affronted by the idea.

“Of course not,” Meng Yao reassured. “I have other ways to get you to do what I want if that doesn’t work.”

“Devious minx,” Nie Mingjue muttered fondly. “As I was saying, I have been thinking. Now that the war is over, and my kingdom is on the road to recovery, the people could use a sign of stability and peace. Something to bring them together, and give them a cause for celebration.”

“That makes sense. It sounds like Huaisang’s idea more than yours though,” Meng Yao commented, still wondering where exactly Nie Mingjue was going with this. 

“It’s unbelievable how you guessed that so quickly,” Nie Mingjue muttered. “The idea may have been his originally, but the details of its execution are my own.” 

“Do tell.” 

“I will - seeing as how you would be instrumental in ensuring its success.” Meng Yao’s ears perked up at that, but he was unprepared for what Nie Mingjue said next. 

“Rumors have continued to spread about the nature of our relationship. The entire palace, hell the entire kingdom at this point, knows you share my chambers. And I know you try to keep it from me, but it burdens you to be the subject of them.” 

Meng Yao almost got whiplash at the abrupt shift in conversation. Heart beating fast now, ice running through his veins, he wondered what Mingjue was getting at. 

Tense in Mingjue’s arms, he said cautiously, “I’m not sure I follow. Are you asking me to sleep elsewhere to repair our reputations?”

Nie Mingjue sputtered, “What? No! Where did you get that idea?” he pushed himself up on one arm, and Meng Yao turned around to face him, sheets tangling. Nie Mingjue’s eyebrows were drawn together, and something like nervousness lingered in his face. Which was...not at all comforting because Nie Mingjue didn’t get nervous. 

“Mingjue?”

Nie Mingjue steeled himself. 

“I’m asking you to marry me.” 

Meng Yao inhaled sharply. For a moment, he felt as though he was underwater again, pressure building in his ears  Had he misheard? After opening and closing his mouth a couple times, he finally sat up. Nie Mingjue stared at him with bated breath all the while. 

Finally, he managed to stumble out, “You want me to--”

“Be my husband,” Nie Mingjue finished impatiently. Or, was it anxiously? 

The silence that followed stretched out long enough for Mingjue to grow worried enough to ask, “Unless that’s not what you--?”

Before Nie Mingjue could finish, Meng Yao had thrown himself bodily over the man, pushing him down on his back and kissing him desperately. He was holding on tight, so tight. Was it too much? Nie Mingjue’s arms wrapped around his back to keep him in place because no, of course it wasn’t too much, the man wanted to marry him - spend his life with him! Mingjue wanted this just as badly as he did. A large hand cradled the back of Meng Yao’s head, and it would be so easy to just lay there, kissing till dusk. When they finally pulled away, they were similarly breathless.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Nie Mingjue said dryly, but his eyes were clearly shining with relief and happiness, looking at Meng Yao in wonder - gods how could a man so incredible see so much in Meng Yao.

“Yes. Of course. But is this truly what you want?” he asked disbelievingly, ran his fingers reverently across every part of Mingjue that he could - his lips, the ends of his hair, the width of his broad shoulders. 

“Do I strike you as a man who proposes marriage lightly?” Nie Mingjue asked wrly, seeming amused at Meng Yao’s relentless touches. 

“No, of course not. I just never expected this. A few weeks ago, I thought you didn’t even have faith I’d be a worthy soldier, much less a worthy husband.”

Nie Mingjue squinted, trying to think back to the conversation. 

Helping to fill in the blanks, Meng Yao reminded, “You said there are other roles we can look into that might be better suited for you.” 

Nie Mingjue’s eyes widened as he seemed to recall the conversation. “Meng Yao, I didn't mean to impugn your combat ability in any way. I merely meant a position more suited to your diplomatic skills, your intelligence and strategic ability, would be more appropriate. Of course I would still want you to train and fight, but you are no foot soldier. You’re my--will be my husband.” 

Meng Yao wanted to laugh.  

“Your husband,” Meng Yao repeated, smiling widely. He kept doing that. How...unexpected.

“Yes. As I told you once before, I have long since seen you as my equal. For as long as I’ve loved you.”

Meng Yao blinked. Now it was his turn to remember a conversation long past. He remembered a similar statement made by the man aboard the Saber Spirit months ago. 

“Besides, in this room we would be equals regardless of if you were my subordinate.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Nie Mingjue’s face grew curiously red. 

Ah, of course. He nodded in understanding, “Because we’re fucking.” 

Meng Yao’s smile slipped, dumbfounded. He couldn’t believe it. The reason why Nie Mingjue had been so embarrassed. He hadn’t fathomed it might be because he was trying to tell him that he loved him.

“That...that was what you meant? You mean all this time, you’ve loved me?” 

“Once again I am beginning to doubt you are as clever as you claim to be,” Nie Mingjue commented, seeming pleased to see Meng Yao, normally so composed and quick-witted, practically swept off his feet by his proposal. 

Meng Yao laughed at that, tears of happiness pricking his eyes. He couldn’t help but be charmed by everything that was Nie Mingjue. “I won’t tolerate that sort of insult as your husband,” he tried to say sternly, but emotion clearly choked up his voice.

Nie Mingjue smiled smugly, hands nearly encircling Meng Yao’s slim waist where he now sat across the man’s hips, hair fluffed up from sleep. A vision of happiness and content. 

“Good. If you did, you wouldn’t be the man I wish to marry,” Nie Mingjue declared confidently, looking up at him with such raw affection it was hard to believe this was not a dream. 

Meng Yao felt more than just wanted. He felt seen. Understood. And loved. So incredibly, unfathomably loved.

This was home. This man, this moment, this feeling.

“Shut up and kiss me, Captain.” 

“My pleasure, husband.”