Chapter Text
Aoba’s bed has always been comforting to Koujaku because he’s only ever sat on it with someone that he loves. He never expected that person to be Noiz.
It’s so quiet. There’s muffled arguing downstairs and it’s surely only a matter of time before someone realizes they’re both missing and comes to find them, but it sounds like Tae-san is now a part of the thrilling debate, so that might take a while. Mizuki had pushed past Noiz to leave and Aoba followed him, which in turn brought Clear and Ren behind him as well, until Noiz and Koujaku were the only two left, still what felt like a million feet apart on opposite sides of the room. No one noticed they hadn’t followed.
Koujaku had stood up after several seconds and tried to say something but nothing came out. He simply walked slowly to Aoba’s bed and sat down because that’s the most comforting place he knew at the moment. Noiz followed quickly and that’s how they ended up sitting here side by side, arms folded and staring away from each other like petulant children. Koujaku doesn’t know what to say. He can’t even tell if Noiz is angry or just – refusing to speak first. How did it get to this point?
Koujaku takes a long breath and actually thinks about that.
It’s fuzzy now, the memory of opening Aoba’s door almost two years ago to find him being threatened by Noiz. He doesn’t entirely remember the events of that evening, if only because the ones directly following it were so harrowing. He knows he hated Noiz right away as all Koujaku could see was Aoba in danger, but his attitude afterwards certainly didn’t help, either. Koujaku wonders now if Noiz did or said anything then that should have tipped him off. Maybe he had always been making implications about his past, and Koujaku just didn’t want to hear it. He wishes he could go back. He wishes he could remember exactly what happened, knowing what he knows now, but who wouldn’t?
Maybe the best he could have done is exactly what he did. He realizes it took him a lot longer than some people to understand that Noiz just needed someone to care, sure. He realizes that he might be a bitself-centered, a bit high-maintenance – a bit – but it’s not like Noiz makes it any easier. And it’s not like he’s the only one who’s ever been annoyed or angry with Noiz. Aoba certainly gets irritated with his constant barrage of sexual questions – well, he certainly got irritated. That was before Noiz stopped doing that. That was before Noiz actually matured a bit. Koujaku supposes he hasn’t given him enough credit for that, yet. He really should.
Koujaku sighs and lets his hands flop out of his lap and to his sides. It’s not like he wanted to hate Noiz, either. He tried to simply ignore him for so long, but Noiz wouldn’t allow it. Koujaku was always happy to chalk it up to conflicting personalities. He wasn’t the one who’d show up where he knew Noiz hung around. He wasn’t the one who’d chide him and flirt with him. He wasn’t the one who wanted to annoy him enough to start a physical altercation. He just wanted to be left alone and he in turn was happy to leave Noiz alone. It was Noiz who wanted the attention.
It was Noiz who wanted to connect, Koujaku realizes suddenly. Or – maybe that’s a bit of a leap? Maybe Noiz simply wanted to antagonize. Once he revealed his condition, he never denied that he targeted Koujaku because he could be riled up enough to bear his fangs, so to speak. He only wanted Koujaku because he was quick to anger. He only wanted Koujaku because he provided him with something, and that was all Noiz knew. Noiz only understood the world as full of transactions and Koujaku was simply one of many that he made once he got to this island.
But it was also Noiz who admitted that he didn’t know how to connect. Couldn’t it be said that he was doing his best and just – failing miserably? Koujaku frowns at the thought. He hates knowing that Noiz probably got taken advantage of while trying to relate to other people. He hates knowing that he sort of took advantage of him, too. Even if he didn’t mean to. Even if he’s doing all he can now to rectify that, it still kills him.
It’s not his fault, though. And he supposes the same could be said for Noiz. Noiz was taking advantage of him, too. He was taking advantage of his anger without a second thought for his well-being. He was taking advantage of something that hurt Koujaku and he never stopped to consider that. So maybe they’re both to blame. Or maybe – neither?
Koujaku sighs and wishes Noiz would say something.
When did things turn around? He can’t remember. He doesn’t know when he started feeling differently for him. He doesn’t know what sparked that fight, when Noiz admitted to his disease. He hardly knows what sparked his own confession. He remembers the little things that started happening – he remembers that they started to laugh at each other, genuinely, with amusement, and not degradation. They shared jokes, even if they came about during sex so rough that Koujaku thought he might actually throw out a hip. And not because he was old. They had things that were uniquely them and Koujaku never expected that.
He remembers that. He remembers when Noiz held his hair back for him in the Black Needle bathroom stall. He remembers how warm he felt when he crouched behind him and helped him up afterwards. He doesn’t remember anything after that, but that’s because he blacked out. He’s sure if Noiz did something kind then, he would still remember it to this day.
He just has no idea how that started happening. Maybe it was fate. Maybe they knew they were connected but had to figure out how. Koujaku certainly doesn’t deny now how similar they are or how much he thinks he could help Noiz. He also doesn’t deny that Noiz has already helped him.
And maybe it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t know how it happened. Maybe all that matters is that it’s happened. Rather, that it’s happening.
When did it become more than sex? He knows now that Noiz only viewed sex as potential payment and he almost retches at the thought. Koujaku loves sex. Koujaku has always loved sex. He wants to say this is a cliché, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. He could count on two hands the amount of women that would call him back after they had sex. Most of them were gone by the time he woke up. He never convinced a woman to have sex with him; they always wanted to of their own accord. There was no technique to picking them up. No one ever complained that he led them on. He wasn’t interested in tricking people into sleeping with him. He supposes now it was a sort of transaction: they were both getting sexual satisfaction from the deal with the understanding that that was all it was. It was just sex.
How did Noiz become more than sex?
It’s a bit unromantic, which Koujaku loathes, to treat all these women before Noiz as if they meant nothing to him. And it’s also untrue: he knew these women. They were interesting people. They were attractive and they wanted the same things he did, yes. But it’s not as if he never spoke to them. He saw most of the women he slept with afterwards, at bars, or in the streets – he spoke to them. He still knows their ambitions. He still knows their names. He would call a lot of them his friends. He still cares and wonders and hopes that they’re doing well. But most of them didn’t want to date him. And even though he did get into a few relationships, he was too preoccupied with Aoba to want to date most of them seriously, either. Maybe that was terrible of him, to date someone else when he knew he was in love with Aoba, but he didn’t know what else to do. If he could take it back, he would. But there’s a lot he would take back.
And now, he wants to date Noiz. And he supposes that’s all there is to it. Maybe he isn’t supposed to find a great epiphany. Maybe it isn’t logical or even romantic. He doesn’t want to date someone he hates. He doesn’t want drama for the sake of drama. But just because Noiz wasn’t conventional – just because coming to love Noiz wasn’t how he’d imagined falling in love for the first time would be, doesn’t mean it’s any less real or meaningful.
He grips the thin blanket on Aoba’s bed as he remembers where he really is. Aoba’s bedroom. Aoba’s bed. He thought he’d never get over him. How did he? It was sort of simple, once he realized he could still love Aoba and not want to date him. Once he realized Aoba loved Ren and what he really wanted was for Aoba to be happy. He’s still not sure how that shifted to Noiz –
And then he realizes it didn’t shift to Noiz. Noiz didn’t pop up as a rebound. Noiz was someone who he grew to love organically, completely independently of Aoba. The two have nothing to do with each other. He loves Aoba in a way that he can never love Noiz: Noiz wasn’t the one who he protected as a child. He wasn’t the one that Koujaku witnessed getting bullied and he wasn’t the one who clung to him for help. He wasn’t the one he struggled to keep on living for and he wasn’t the one by his side for the past few years.
But that’s okay. Because Aoba wasn’t the one who showed a vulnerability with Koujaku that he never showed anyone else. Aoba wasn’t the one who realized he had to make Koujaku feel safe. He wasn’t the one who rubbed his back when he cried about his mother. He wasn’t the one who stopped making empty jokes about her when he found out just what happened to her. Aoba wasn’t the one who Koujaku actually fell in love with. That was Noiz.
Noiz coughs and shifts his weight on the bed. Koujaku snaps his head to him.
“You okay?”
Noiz doesn’t respond. He nods softly and stares at the bedroom door. He has his left leg up, bent at the knee, his left arm draped over it as his right leg bends at the knee as well, lifted onto the bed. Koujaku recognizes this. He sits like this a lot. He sat like this at Heibon, after he was caught eavesdropping with his Allmates. Koujaku looks away again.
He fell in love with Noiz. One day, he might be able to more clearly see the moment it happened, but right now it’s too cloudy. He keeps telling himself that that’s okay, that it’s going to be okay, that he doesn’t need to explain this to himself, but nothing is really helping. He slowly turns his head to Noiz and that’s when he feels it.
Noiz’s fingers are creeping toward his hand.
At first he thinks nothing of it, but it’s when he’s about to instinctually reach over and grab it that he realizes. Noiz is trying to hold his hand.
“Noiz,” he says suddenly, without meaning to. His voice is so loud and awkward and booms through the room so abruptly that Noiz pulls his hand back in surprise and stares at him.
“Fuck, Koujaku,” he breathes. “You scared me.”
“I know, sorry,” Koujaku shakes his head. “I didn’t mean to shout.”
“Why did you say my name?”
Koujaku watches him for a moment. He’s not sure. He’s not sure why he said his name. He just shouted, like a sea lion or something. He was so surprised he honked out a random word, and it was Noiz’s name and he wants to hold his hand so bad.
“I’m sorry I left so suddenly,” he says finally. The last time he saw Noiz, he asked to cuddle and Koujaku had run out because he was too scared of admitting that he was in love. But Noiz obviously didn’t realize that. He must think that he went too far and Koujaku didn’t like that. It’s unfortunately the opposite.
“It’s okay,” Noiz tells him, sliding his legs down and sitting against the wall.
“No, I – I didn’t leave because you freaked me out or anything.”
“Hm.”
“You really didn’t.”
Noiz doesn’t respond. Koujaku doesn’t know what else to say. He wonders what it’s like to lace his fingers through the spaces between Noiz’s.
He wonders if it should be this hard. Aoba was a dull ache in his chest for so long and it was so difficult. He wonders if falling in love should be easier than that. Noiz is not exactly much better than Aoba. Every time he thinks about Noiz as a child, his chest aches. Every time he thinks about Noiz dating someone else… his chest aches. He doesn’t want that anymore. He doesn’t want that annoying pulse in his skin. He doesn’t want his heart to have a hard time beating just because he loves someone. Maybe this was a bad idea.
This is exactly like when he first realized he loved Aoba. Confusing. Frustrating. Too hard. But impossible to stop. It’s slow and painful and it kills him. He almost feels bad, like it isn’t his place to keep feeling this strongly for people who obviously don’t care for him back. But he can’t stop it no matter how badly he wants to – and he really, really wants to.
He puts his face in his hands. But he doesn’t want to, he wants to be in love with Noiz and he wants to hold him and he wants to be with him and feel him everywhere and this is breaking him slowly and he has to say something –
“I didn’t mean it like, you had to cuddle with me,” Noiz says suddenly. Koujaku whips his head up to look at him. Noiz takes a deep breath. “I just had gotten comfortable in that position. And I didn’t want to move.”
Koujaku is a little shocked – and it hardly sounds sincere. Still, not believing him would be terrible, so he does. Noiz didn’t want to cuddle, which is too bad, because Koujaku didn’t. Noiz didn’t want to be held, and why would he? It’s not like he could feel it anyway. He doesn’t want to hold Koujaku’s hand. This was a mistake. He should go home. He should stop calling Noiz and he should break this off right now. He can’t do this without feelings anymore, and Noiz doesn’t have feelings in return. That’s fine.
He just has to be positive.
“Are you sure?”
Noiz turns to him. He’s confused.
“Am I sure what?”
“Are you sure you didn’t want to cuddle?”
“Why?” Noiz laughs. “Did you?”
“Yes.”
Noiz’s smile disappears. Well, he asked. Koujaku just told the truth. This is a bit of a trend. Noiz tries to save face, Koujaku promises him he doesn’t need to, and Noiz is shocked. Koujaku would like there to be a day that Noiz isn’t shocked. Koujaku would like there to be a day that Noiz doesn’t think it out of the ordinary that someone loves him.
“You wanted to cuddle with me?” he asks.
“Yes, I did,” Koujaku confirms.
“Why?”
Koujaku takes a deep breath and then he shrugs. He doesn’t really have a concrete answer for that.
“I don’t know,” he says. “I just wanted to hold you.”
“Gross.”
“Yeah,” Koujaku smiles. “I know you are. But I wanted to hold you anyway.”
Noiz turns toward him and shifts up onto his knees. He falls forward onto his hands and Koujaku turns his entire body to open it to him.
“Tell me why you wanted to cuddle me.”
Koujaku looks at the ceiling and sighs. He has the time to come up with something other than, “Because I love you,” but now he’s not sure he really wants to. Still, he doesn’t have to say it in those words.
“Hm,” he ponders. “I wanted to cuddle because… I wanted to know what it felt like to keep you safe.”
“Why would you want to keep me safe?”
“Because you deserve it.”
Noiz is still for a moment and then his shoulders start to jerk, as if he’s trying to stifle his breaths. Koujaku doesn’t mention it.
“Why do you think I deserve that?” he asks quietly. Koujaku blinks.
“Because you’re a good person.”
“Why?”
“Because you were an asshole to me,” Koujaku says. “And then you found out that it hurt me. And you stopped.”
“A good person would have been nice to you in the first place,” he scoffs. Koujaku shakes his head.
“Even a good person can get confused when no one’s been good to them their whole lives.”
Noiz makes an involuntary sound from the back of his throat. He’s trying not to cry. Koujaku looks away.
“It’s okay to cry if you need to,” he says softly, but Noiz refuses to cry.
“So why did you decide to start being nice to me? Why’d you take that chance? What if I had just kept being an asshole?”
“Because you took a chance on me,” Koujaku looks back at him.
“How?”
“You told me about your parents. And your condition. You took the chance to be vulnerable. And I didn’t want to take advantage of that.”
Noiz heaves his shoulders up and down and then relaxes against the wall beside Koujaku. His hand inches forward but Koujaku keeps his own against his leg. He won’t force Noiz into this. Noiz will have to take his hand first.
“And then you took the chance to tell me about your past,” Noiz says, but Koujaku shakes his head.
“No,” he tells him. “I didn’t take the chance. I just – did that. Because it felt right. I felt safer telling you that stuff than I ever have anyone else.”
“But why?”
“You know I have no idea,” Koujaku shrugs. “We’ve talked about this before. Maybe it was because you were already open with me and I just – I don’t know. I can’t answer it. I just felt safe.”
He supposes that’s a part of love, too: not really being able to apply any logic to how it makes him feel. He sighs and then lets a smile spread on his lips as he realizes the full weight of feeling safe with Noiz. He feels safe enough to tell him about his mother, about Ryuuhou, about the tattoo.
And being in love with Noiz is confusing, but it’s nothing compared to those things. Being in love with Noiz is in spite of those things – being in love with Noiz is because Noiz cares about him knowing full well about those things. Koujaku is in love with Noiz because Noiz doesn’t think he’s a monster. Koujaku is in love with Noiz because Noiz understands. Koujaku is in love with Noiz because he’s never felt freer than when he’s with him. His chest has never felt lighter. His chest has ached, yes, but it’s felt relieved, too. Noiz makes him a better person. He has to tell him that.
“Hey, Noiz –” Koujaku starts, but Noiz interrupts him.
“Do you think you’ll ever tell them?”
Koujaku sighs. Will he ever tell Aoba and Mizuki about his past? Of course. And he still feels bad that it’s so hard. But Noiz has never shamed him for it.
“Yeah,” he nods. “I think… I built them up as people I had to protect. So I couldn’t tell them. I was deeply ashamed, of course, that’s part of it. It’s hard to tell anyone. But I especially couldn’t tell them. If they ended up hating me… I wouldn’t have been able to deal.”
“When really they were the ones you should have told first,” Noiz offers. Koujaku smiles.
“I should have told who first? My friends?”
“Yeah.”
“Well… I did, didn’t I?”
Noiz lifts his head up to stare at the ceiling.
“I’m your friend?”
Koujaku stares at him until he brings his head back down and looks into his eyes. Koujaku wants him to know how serious he is when he says this.
“Do you want to be something other than that?”
Noiz doesn’t flinch.
“Wasn’t I your enemy at first?”
“Something other than that, too,” Koujaku rolls his eyes.
“Not your friend and not your enemy. I assume you don’t mean going back to being strangers. So what would that be, Koujaku?”
“Do you need to define it?” Koujaku asks. It was hard, but now he’s ready. He’s ready to define it.
“…I’d like to,” Noiz almost whispers. Koujaku turns his entire body to him.
“Be my boyfriend,” he says quickly. He’s ready to convince him, he’s ready for a barrage of, “Be my boyfriend. Be with me. Let me love you and love me back. Let me see you wake up every morning and let me help you when you need it. Let me listen to you. Let me listen to you about things you’ve said a million times before. Let me be the one who holds you when you need to be held. Let me kiss your forehead when I get home from work and be my routine, my only routine, the only routine I’ll ever need again,” but he can’t get to that because Noiz just as quickly responds:
“Okay.”
Koujaku blinks at him. Wait.
“You want to be my boyfriend?”
“I said okay,” Noiz shrugs at him as if he’s the stupidest man on the planet.
“I had a whole – thing I was gonna say,” Koujaku admits.
“A whole thing?”
“Like a – it was going to be romantic.”
“Oh, sorry,” Noiz shifts backwards. “Go ahead.”
“Never mind,” Koujaku says, taking the opportunity to pounce. He pins Noiz against the pillow and rests his body on top of his, his hands gripping either of his cheeks tightly as he kisses him once, deeply. “There’s going to be plenty of time to tell you all that.”
He swears that Noiz is blushing.
“I want to hear it now,” he grumbles.
Koujaku grins. He shifts his weight onto his right arm and runs his left hands through Noiz’s hair.
“It’s been Hell, not telling you,” he starts. “It’s been Hell denying it.”
“Denying what?”
Koujaku’s hand droops to the bed as he stares at him flatly.
“You have to let me – you have to let me talk,” he says. “I have a whole – thing. You’re throwing me off.”
“Sorry, right, okay,” Noiz shakes his head. “Go.”
Koujaku doesn’t really have this planned, not like a script, at least. But it certainly isn’t hard to say it all; it’s mostly things he’s been holding in anyway.
“I didn’t know I loved you,” he starts again, carding his fingers through Noiz’s hair again. “I couldn’t let myself care about you – because you didn’t want me to. You didn’t love me back, and then that was Hell, too. I went nuts. I kissed Mizuki.”
“You what?”
“No, not like – Mizuki told me it was okay to be in love and it felt so – it was so much pressure taken off me. I was so relieved to have permission to love you.”
“Your friends are weird,” Noiz mutters.
“He wasn’t ecstatic about the kiss,” Koujaku says out the side of his mouth as an aside. “Anyway, the point is, I was doing crazy things because I care about you so much.”
“Why do you care about me?”
“You’re not going to let me do my own thing, are you?” Koujaku asks.
“Sorry,” Noiz says again. “I don’t really care about your story, though. I just want to hear the things about me.”
Koujaku smiles and rubs his thumb over the corner of Noiz’s lips.
“You are so much better than you know,” he says. Noiz’s face falls immediately. “You were trained to believe that you were a monster. And that you were better off locked away. I know it’s hard to stop thinking of yourself that way when it’s all you’ve ever known. But I hope one day you will. Stop thinking that about yourself, I mean. I hope one day you’ll know that you deserve the love I want to give you – ”
“Stop,” Noiz says, his voice breaking and a few tears finally streaming out of his eyes. He reaches up and Koujaku has his kimono half-off in just a few seconds. They move quickly, Noiz’s hands roaming all over his chest and Koujaku’s matching his, the room filled only with the sound of Aoba’s slick bed sheets being rubbed by skin and their breathlessness as they can’t stop kissing. Noiz sniffles a few times, and Koujaku’s chest aches so good, it aches in a way it never has before, in a way that feels like he knows it’s bad, he knows it’s terrible that Noiz is crying, that hearing good things about himself should make him cry, but he’s here now, and he can protect him, he can make sure Noiz never cries again. He can make sure if Noiz cries, it’s because he’s too loved. He can do that, now.
He sits back to take off his kimono and Noiz is too desperate for that.
“No, no, kiss me.”
“I’m taking this off – ”
“Don’t care, kiss me while you do it.”
“Give me a second, you brat – ”
Then the door opens.
Both their heads whips quickly to the doorway to see Mizuki, wide-eyed and open-mouthed standing there. Koujaku’s mouth drops open and he doesn’t know what to say. His kimono is hanging open around his stomach, completely off his shoulders. He’s straddling Noiz’s waist. Noiz’s tie is crooked.
He can’t lie about this one.
Mizuki closes his mouth and then opens it again like a fish. He points at Koujaku, who feels as if a gun’s just been shoved into his face. His heart rate picks up but he still doesn’t know what to say. Then Mizuki points at Noiz, who seems a lot less worried about the situation. Mizuki looks at Koujaku again and stutters:
“I – I – ”
“Mizuki – ”
Mizuki holds up a hand, a grave stare in his eyes, daring Koujaku to keep talking. Then he points a finger at Noiz again, who actually flinches a bit. He slams the door shut with his foot but otherwise is rooted in place. So is Koujaku. His heart is racing. This wasn’t exactly how he meant for his first moments as Noiz’s boyfriend to go.
“Fucking – ”
Koujaku opens his mouth to cut him off again but Mizuki waves his hands wildly and Koujaku keeps them closed. A few mores seconds pass in dead, awkward silence, until Mizuki closes and opens his eyes slowly.
“Knew it!” he bellows.
Koujaku is a little taken aback. He was expecting Mizuki to get angry – not because Mizuki would find this situation angering, but because he wants to get home to his own boyfriend, yet here he is watching Koujaku and Noiz making out, half-naked.
Usually that sort of thing made Mizuki mad.
But he’s not mad, he’s more gleeful than anything, but there’s a hint of cockiness in his voice, too.
“I knew you two were fucking!” he shouts, a grin spreading across his face. “I fucking knew it!”
“We’re not fucking!” Koujaku yells back.
“Yes we are,” Noiz interrupts.
“Noiz!” Koujaku shouts. “Everyone keep your voice down!”
He stands up immediately and pulls his kimono back up as Mizuki shoves his back against the bedroom door, blocking his exit with a pretentious smile.
“You wouldn’t tell me,” he chides, “but I knew it anyway. There’s no way you suddenly just were okay with him. You never get over your grudges.”
“I don’t have grudges!” Koujaku yells at him. “Will you get out of my way, don’t you want to go home and blow your boyfriend, or something?”
“More like you want me to leave so you can blow him,” Mizuki mutters.
“I’m not blowing him!” Koujaku is so angry. “He’s my boyfriend!”
Mizuki’s eyes widen, as if the thought hadn’t occurred to him. He looks over at Noiz, his mouth agape.
“Really?”
Noiz nods with a cocky smirk. Koujaku shakes his head.
“Get out of the way!”
“You were gonna fuck in Aoba’s bed?” Mizuki asks suddenly. “You’re fuckin’ nasty – hey, don’t you ever fuck at Black Needle, I’m so serious, Koujaku –”
“We weren’t going to fuck in Aoba’s bed,” Koujaku seethes.
“I heard you two kissed, though,” Noiz says, pointing between Koujaku and Mizuki as he finally gets off the bed and fixes his clothes. “I could get into that.”
“Yeah?” Mizuki laughs. “I’ll run it by my boyfriend.”
“Cool,” Noiz nods. Koujaku has never been this frustrated in his entire life.
“We’re not doing that!” he shouts. “This is the most backwards thing – stop blocking the door! I fucking – you two are fucking unbearable!”
“Hey,” comes Noiz’s voice from Koujaku’s side. He turns to him in time to see him grip his elbow and lean up to kiss him. Koujaku closes his eyes in surprise as Noiz’s lips land softly against his, and gently press against them. It’s not rough; it’s not quick or wanting or following a blowjob. It’s comforting. Noiz is comforting him. Noiz is helping him feel safe.
“Wh – what?”
“Calm down,” Noiz tells him. “We’re just fucking with you. You don’t need to get mad.”
Koujaku takes a deep breath and lets it out all at once. He stares at the floor to compose himself and then smiles when he looks back up at Noiz from under his bangs.
“Okay,” he nods.
Mizuki retches.
“You two are disgusting,” he says before he turns to the door and opens it. “I won’t tell.”
Koujaku is a little relieved. He doesn’t want to keep Noiz a secret, but he certainly doesn’t want someone else to be the one to tell – not that he ever thought Mizuki would do that to him. He moves to leave the room and takes a few steps out the door and then turns to Noiz.
“Come on,” he says. “How are we going to tell everyone?”
“No idea,” Noiz says, following behind. “Maybe we should just start fucking in front of everyone. I bet they’d catch on eventually.”
“Noiz,” Koujaku sighs. “I’m serious. I don’t want them all to find out like Mizuki just did.”
“We’ll figure it out,” Noiz says tells him as they get to the top of the stairs. Koujaku starts to step down to join everyone downstairs but he feels Noiz pull him backwards at the last second.
“Hey,” Noiz says.
“What?”
“I don’t want a threesome,” he tells him. “I was just kidding.”
“I know that,” Koujaku says flatly.
“I know, I just… I wanted you to hear it.”
“Okay,” Koujaku laughs. He puts his hands on Noiz’s waist.
“I just wanted you to know,” Noiz says, leaning up to him, “I only want you.”
Noiz pulls Koujaku’s hands off his waist. Koujaku frowns at first but then Noiz rubs his thumbs along Koujaku’s wrists and brings their arms up to their sides. He slips his fingers between Koujaku’s to hold his hands.
Koujaku’s breath hitches in his throat.
“I only want you too,” he says, leaning down to kiss him. His hair falls down around their faces, hiding them away from the world and Koujaku really knows, for the first ever, that he is not a monster.