Chapter Text
It was all very complicated in Natasha’s opinion, although she knew the facts were simple. She loved Steve and there was no doubt in her mind by this point that Steve loved her too. Why was another question entirely- and one she would have to deal with for the rest of her life, if her history was anything to go by. The question of why Steve would ever love someone like her was something she didn’t want to let consume her. She was sure that other people, though not many knew their relationship for what it was, would be questioning it, so why should she have to as well?
As it was, Steve had gone out of his way to make sure she felt loved. They weren’t quite ‘out’ as a couple, but by that time everyone had seen them together one way or another. That didn’t mean they went out on dates or held hands in front of the team or anything, but they did sit together, and sometimes Natasha would rest her head against Steve’s shoulder or walk around wearing one of his hoodies. Only three weeks before Loki’s attack, he’d told her straight out that he loved her. It was the first time, and Natasha was caught so off guard that she… she didn’t say it back.
He said he understood, but she wasn’t entirely convinced that Steve wasn’t hurt enough to give up on this thing they had between them. They’d been seeing each other for a long time now. Natasha knew it was natural to have some kind of progression, but the words just got stuck in her throat. That, plus the fact that she was insistent upon remaining quiet about their entanglement… It would be some kind of miracle if Steve decided to keep trying.
After they’d thrown Loki into his holding cell, Natasha had pulled away from him and headed to her room, taking a very hot shower and standing in front of the mirror to see how bad the damage was. Broken rib, which she would see to herself because she didn’t want Bruce to get involved, along with a bruise from his punch and the hand-shaped mark around her neck. She would take some time to heal on a physical level, but that was nothing compared to the other problem she was having. While she was still wrapping a thick bandage around her torso to aid in healing her broken rib, someone knocked and she just knew who it was- Steve, of course. Clint was the only other one who would come to check on her like this and he’d been off on a mission for at least a week now.
Sighing even though it hurt to move, Natasha carefully pulled a t-shirt on to cover her bandages, then a hoodie as well. Finally, she pulled her hair over both shoulders to hopefully cover most of the bruises on her neck. “Come in,” she called out, trying to look as casual and comfortable as possible even if her whole torso was kind of throbbing with pain.
Steve looked impossibly sheepish as he let himself in, his blue eyes big and sad and making Natasha more uncomfortable by the second. He closed the door behind him and shifted from one foot to another like he was a kid about to apologize for something he’d done wrong. “I’m really sorry,” he started. Natasha wanted to shut him up because it wasn’t his fault. “If you don’t want to see me for a while, I get it. Just say the word.”
“I’m not even that hurt,” she protested, narrowing her eyes at him from where she was still seated, not moving a muscle because it would hurt too much. "I'm fine."
Lifting his eyes from the floor, Steve gave her an unimpressed look that was bordering on something hostile, like he didn't have the patience for this fight. "I almost killed you," he said evenly, visibly trying to keep his emotions in check. "I know exactly what I'm capable of, Nat, and you... I know you're hiding it." She wanted to tell him that he was wrong, but there was no point in lying when Steve was convinced otherwise. Honestly, 'stubborn' didn't even begin to cover the depths of his pigheadedness.
“I just need a few days,” she told him. “Okay? Just a few days.” Steve agreed, however defeatedly, and returned to his room with the weight of his guilt heavy on his shoulders. Their relationship, as far as he was concerned, was fragile as it was. They weren't exactly the couple who went out dancing and ate breakfast together and told each other how in love they were. They weren't a couple who talked very often- not when there was an available surface and an understanding between them that didn't need words.
Alone again, Natasha had plenty of time to think about what had happened earlier during the fight. More specifically, she could think about what Lorelai had said about her, about her relationship with Steve. There was no doubt that she was too cold. Natasha had long since accepted the fact that she would never be the warm and fuzzy partner Steve might have expected back when he was thinking about ‘settling down’ in a house in the suburbs with kids and a dog. She couldn’t give him any of that and she felt like he knew that very well, but was it true that he didn’t know she loved him?
The fact of the matter was that their relationship was largely physical, born of stress and passion and mutual respect. When it had begun, she had been perfectly satisfied with sharing his bed and completely adamant that it was a purely friendly arrangement. There was no need to complicate things with a romantic element thrown in. With that said, she’d shown up every night without fail, crawling over him and getting lost in soft, blue eyes and arms that would hold her even though she told him she didn’t need to be held.
“Not everything’s a need,” he’d said. “Sometimes you just want it.”
It was when he was wounded that Natasha realized saying she didn’t care about him a certain way didn’t make it any less true that she did. Tony’s little talk with her had been enough to make Natasha realize that she had to go see him, whether she wanted to or not. She hadn’t said a thing at first, just laying her hand over his and staring blankly at the wall. He was never, ever supposed to be hurt. He wasn’t supposed to show her that she could lose him because she couldn’t take that kind of blow.
When he woke up and said her name, she had no choice but to crawl into his bed and lay her head on his chest. He told her he was okay, but it was the sound of his heart that let her know for sure. Leaning up, she pressed a wordless apology to his lips, knowing he would understand her. She was sorry that she’d made him doubt that she cared, she was sorry that she’d waited so long to visit, and she was sorry that she was the way that she was. She fell asleep there alongside him, with his fingers in her curls and his heart beating steadily to lull her to sleep. Even though she was long gone by the time the hospital staff checked on him in the morning, she knew she’d at least made up for not being the first one at his bedside.
Steve was released from the hospital on a Tuesday and Natasha agreed to be the one to drive him home while a protective Bruce ushered him into the car. After that, she vowed she would spend more time with him. Most of the time, aside from each night spent in his bed, she would just sit quietly by while he made breakfast or take up space on the other side of the sofa while he watched movies. They weren’t dates. It wasn’t like they were a couple or anything, but… Natasha wanted to be there, just in case- definitely not because she was feeling incredibly, inescapably overprotective.
Because of his injuries, he was forbidden to take part in strenuous activity—but after a few days, Natasha was getting restless and so was he. When she put her back to his chest one night and felt him press against her ass, it was all over. It was with quite a bit of tongue-in-cheek pride that she walked through the lab the next morning, watching as Bruce wrapped thick bandages around Steve’s repaired stitches. Maybe it was because she cared more about the drama that would come with telling people around them than about people actually knowing, or maybe it was all about seeing Tony’s jaw drop. Either way, it was immensely satisfying.
When Thor found out that Steve was trying to ‘court’ her, Natasha knew right away. There was something obvious about the way they were left alone, put across from one another… Thor wasn’t the subtlest person in the world, after all. That night, after she and Steve had finished and she was lying on top of him, rising and falling with each of his labored breaths, she told him to handle it and say whatever he had to say in order to get Thor to back off.
He returned some time later looking sheepish and she just knew he hadn’t done a damn thing about it. Well, who could possibly know what strange Asgardian customs he’d attempt? They’d probably be more amusing than annoying anyway. Except that Thor chose to shove Steve into a pool and he came out looking like something out of a Playgirl (which Natasha had never looked at and no, Clint didn’t know otherwise if he wanted to stay intact). By the time Tony had taken it upon himself to dunk an already sopping Thor back into the water, Natasha was leading Steve inside by his hand and didn’t care who saw them.
She’d stripped him and tied his hands to the headboard without a second thought, disrobing herself as well and straddling his hips so she could tease him. Natasha so liked to watch him get all riled up, so she leaned down and murmured against his jaw, asking him if he might want to let Thor join them, how it might feel to share her with the other blond, how she bet Thor was just as big as him and maybe even bigger… She kissed her way down his neck, nipping at the tightened muscles of his upper arms before moving to his chest. She was just beginning to insinuate that Steve might like to take advantage of how much he liked her ass while Thor got to fill her other entrance--- and that was when the headboard broke, splitting right down the middle while Natasha sat up and grinned triumphantly in response to Steve’s disgruntled glare.
He was still glaring at her- right up until the moment when she lifted herself up and sank down onto him, wiggling her hips a little to wipe that look right off his face. Thankfully, she’d only moved a few times when Thor burst into the room looking equal parts pleased and triumphant. Crossing her arms over her chest, she waited patiently for Steve to interject and Thor to leave, giving him a little heads up not to actually announce it to the world when he got back out there.
When the door closed, she found herself smirking down at Steve. “Well, everyone knows now,” she said easily, lightly rolling her hips. “Guess we’re out of the closet, huh?”
Steve looked like he was about ready to make a comment (probably about the fact that Clint hadn’t said a word or seen a thing as far as they knew), but Natasha planted her hands on his chest and moved, leaving him to test whatever strength the headboard had left.
Natasha found out when Clint had opened his big mouth when Steve was uncharacteristically distracted one night in bed. They’d already had their fun, but when Natasha casually suggested an actual night out and got nothing but a grunt in return, she knew something was up. Turning her eyes up to him, she rested her chin on his chest and arched one eyebrow. “Penny for your thoughts?”
Snapped out of his silent reflection, Steve sighed and shook his head. “Nothing interesting,” he mumbled, lightly rubbing her back. Lies. Natasha narrowed her eyes at him.
“You’d think you’d know better than to lie to me,” she countered evenly, pressing her lips into a thin line while she waited for him to tell her what was bothering him. Like most of his emotions, it was right there on his face. It wasn’t like he could deny it.
But he did hesitate and, as confident as she was that he cared about her, Natasha nearly pulled back. “Well, I just… I…” She was getting less and less patient by the second. “Clint said something to me today,” he blurted out, averting his eyes a little. “And I guess I’m just trying to figure out how to take it.”
“What did he say?” After a moment, Steve repeated the threat word for word, following it up with a quick reminder that he probably didn’t actually mean it- but that went mostly ignored. He meant it, no doubt about it, but what Clint didn’t understand was that Steve wouldn’t hurt her. Natasha thought he was an idiot for saying anything at all, but it was with a certain warmth she reserved just for him. “I’ll talk to him.”
Of course, Steve wondered if by 'talk to him', she meant 'physically intimidate him', but he didn't say anything of the sort. He wasn't stupid. The next day, when he ran into Clint near lunchtime with Natasha nowhere in sight, the archer had both hands on his lower back and was groaning as he tried to stretch. “Did you sleep the wrong way or something?”
He got a glare in return and Steve just knew, smiling to himself and giving Clint an innocent look. “I stand by what I said,” he muttered. “But don't you dare tell her that.” With another threatening look, he left and Steve decided that he had to seek out Natasha right about now.
Eventually, he found her on the balcony all wrapped up in a blanket and one of his hoodies, a book in her hand. She generally looked like she hadn't swept the floor with Clint that morning, like she hadn't given him a very clear warning regarding his attitude towards their relationship. Steve hesitated in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, and watched her even though he knew that she knew he was right there. Sneaking up on Natasha was just shy of impossible. God, he loved her. Months into this, he was one hundred percent sure that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, but he felt like taking this relationship to the next level was an impossible notion. She would run.
But that didn't change the fact that he'd gone out just over a week ago and bought a ring. With Tony at his side (because if anyone had a strangely in depth knowledge of jewelry, it was Tony) he'd gone out while Nat was off on a mission for Fury and picked out this beautiful, vintage ring with a tasteful diamond, all wrapped up in a little velvet box... And he couldn't bring himself to ask. The truth was that he'd rather have her the way she could be than push for something more. She loved him. What more could he ask for?
“So,” he said after a few moments, stepping out onto the balcony and landing on the sofa beside her. “Had a chat with Clint this morning, huh?” Natasha's lips curved into a smug smile and she glanced over at him.
“What makes you say that?”
Steve scoffed and shook his head, leaning over to kiss Natasha's temple. It was an affectionate move that he knew she'd ignore, but she did allow it, which was a step in the right direction. “Just a feeling, I guess,” he murmured, leaving her with a knowing smile and a quick peck on her lips.
They were growing as a couple. Steve felt like they'd come so far from where they had been in the beginning. Everyone knew they were 'together', simply put, and they understood each other on a level that was much deeper than just the fact that Natasha loved having his arms around her when she slept and the fact that Steve had a particular weakness for her legs. After all, they were there for each other in more ways than one. When she'd come home very late one night to find him shaking in the aftermath of a nightmare, she'd held him and lightly raked her fingers through his hair until he calmed. When he didn't-- couldn't-- talk about it, she didn't make him. She just kissed him, and pulled him to her so he could fall asleep in a safe place.
But now, after what Loki had done, it would seem that none of the growth they’d managed so far mattered in the slightest. Natasha was pulling away from him and Steve found himself more restless than ever. He destroyed no less than eight punching bags between the time that he left her room and the time that Thor came down to stop him, insisting that he get some rest. But how could he rest? How could he sleep with the knowledge that Natasha might not ever want to see him again, or touch him again, or sleep in his arms again? It was eating him up already! He was sure he wouldn’t last the few days she needed him to.
Thor’s friendly words and concerned tone got him out of the gym, however, and Steve found himself showering before he crawled into bed. Alone. In his own room. It felt wrong and he knew before he even fell asleep that he wouldn’t be able to rest peacefully through the night. Sure enough, he was tossing and turning in no time, his brow furrowed as flashes of what he remembered from their fight with Lorelai filled his dreams. He didn’t stir at all, even when the door to his room opened and closed, and nearly silent footsteps made their way to his bed.
She’d missed him. There was no other way to put it and no way she could deny what it was. Natasha had been laying in her own bed and wishing he was there, wishing she was kept warm by his arms and not the sweater she hadn’t bothered to take off. After hours of staring at the ceiling instead of sleeping, she decided that pushing through any discomfort was definitely the way to go. What she hadn’t expected, however, was to find Steve’s hands gripping his sheets, a sheen of sweat on his forehead and neck, a pained look on his face.
“Steve,” she whispered, crawling under the covers beside him and carefully coaxing his fingers from where they were threatening to rip his sheets. “Steve. Relax.” Leaning down, she lightly squeezed his hand and kissed his jaw, moving to whisper into his ear in the hopes that it might calm him. “I’m here,” she murmured. “I’m here. It’s alright.”
He woke up a moment later, eyes snapping open in shock just before fear manifested in the tears that slipped down his cheeks. “Nat—“ She cut him off with a quick kiss, and then several more pressed right to his lips before he could do anything but sit up a little bit and press his lips back against hers.
“I love you.” The words kind of slipped out, so unlike most of the other things Natasha said. Nine times out of ten, her words were very carefully calculated; her sentences constructed a certain way for a specific purpose. This was different.
Steve’s eyes widened and he lifted one hand to her cheek, lightly stroking his thumb over her skin like he nearly always wanted to. “I love you too,” he answered. “Very much.”
It felt different this time, though Natasha couldn’t quite fathom why that was. Maybe it was because she realized now that hiding how she felt was doing nothing but hurting him? Maybe it was because she was so shaken by the idea of what could happen if she didn’t take a chance and return the sentiment… Whatever it was, she would never forget the way he looked at her just then, with those words on his lips. She kissed him again, moving as close as she could without hurting herself- after all, her torso was still very tender.
“I’m so sorry, Nat,” he offered a moment later, laying his hand on her waist. “I never meant to—You know I would never—“ Shaking her head, she silenced him with a finger laid over his lips.
“I know,” she said easily. “I know.” He still looked guilty, but she kissed him again in the hopes that he might forgive himself the way she had- without a second thought.
Gently brushing her thumbs underneath his eyes to make sure there were no more tears, Natasha wordlessly turned around and slid down, reaching back to carefully wrap his arm around her waist. Maybe there was a dull ache where his heavy limb brushed over her bruise, but that hardly mattered. Once he’d kissed the back of her neck and nuzzled into her hair, Natasha couldn’t care less about such a small annoyance.
When they woke up the next morning, which was actually close to the next afternoon considering how tired they were, Natasha turned around to face Steve and smiled. It felt kind of nice to know that he was sure of how she felt. It felt even better to be thinking about asking him something very important (for her, at least). It was a big step.
“Wake up, handsome,” she quipped when she saw him stir.
Steve groaned and shook his head, turning to bury his face in his pillow. “Five more minutes.”
Leaning close, she blew a raspberry against his jaw and grinned when he lightly batted her away, groaning again—even though he was smiling. “Come on, Sleeping Beauty. The world needs your face.”
He laughed at that, opening his eyes to give her a look like she was being ridiculous. And she was. She was, and it felt great. It felt like everything was the way it was supposed to be.
That morning, Natasha sat across from Steve at the breakfast table instead of across from Clint. She pecked his cheek in full view of the rest of the team and left him standing there with a thousand watt smile and a blush that reached the tips of his ears. That night, she sat beside him on the couch and laced her fingers with his while they watched a movie with the others. They left together and Natasha could be seen slipping her arm around his waist and squeezing his ass just for the hell of it. Even though she couldn’t quite see Tony’s jaw drop, she was sure she heard it hit the floor.
When she was (mostly) healed up, they went right back to their usually active sex life and Natasha was more than happy to head out to the kitchen wearing Steve’s t-shirt in the mornings. She made subtle, crass remarks when Tony or Clint poked fun at them. She sat on Steve’s lap sometimes during movie night, or let him lay his head in her lap while she carded her fingers through his hair. One memorable night, they were sitting together with a blanket over them and it was actually Clint that noticed how on edge Steve was--- It all culminated in Natasha pressing her lips together into a smug grin while three men groaned and exited the room, leaving only Thor to wish them well and turn his back so he could continue watching the movie.
Steve might have broken the arm to the couch that night, but no one said a word about it.
A month later, Natasha asked Steve out on a real date. They went to dinner and out dancing- and the paps got their picture while they were headed home, hand in hand. The next week had Natasha being raked over the coals by half of the women of the city, who thought Captain America could do a hell of a lot better than her, and lauded by the other half for having finally ‘tied down’ one of the most desired bachelors in the city. Steve fussed over her, telling her that her critics were just jealous because she was so beautiful, but Natasha brushed it all off. They were jealous. They were jealous because she had someone as sweet and wonderful as Steve beside her in bed every single night. It was natural to be envious, so she didn't let it bother her one little bit. With that said, she did very publicly slip her hand into his back pocket when they were out on the street one day, and that picture lit up nearly every newspaper and tabloid the next morning, along with a series of very amusing headlines. 'Widow Claims Her Man!' 'Captain Widow? Guess who wears the pants in this relationship!' Of course, there was also Tony's personal favorite- 'American Booty Handled!' Steve was mortified, Natasha was very smug.
Three months after that, Steve managed to surprise the woman who could not be surprised. In a series of complex, ridiculous events that included every member of the team, Fury, Maria, Pepper, and a rather hesitant-to-help-out-at-all Loki, he got her into a ballgown and sent her into an 'undercover mission' that didn't really exist. She picked up on it five seconds after she entered the party, but Steve counted it as a win.
All decked out in a tux, he proposed to her on the balcony overlooking the city. He told her how much he loved her, how he didn't want to spend another day without seeing her face first thing in the morning, how she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He told her that he didn't care that she was aggressively possessive or that she left just a drop of milk in the container or that she sometimes got a little scared when things got serious. He told her that even if she said no tonight, he'd ask again when he felt she was ready, and again after that if it still didn't feel right. He told her that she was it for him. She was the one.
Natasha didn't believe in soulmates. She didn't believe that there was one person out there that was perfect for her, but... Steve came pretty close. Caught off guard by the proposal and by his earnest promises, she actually felt herself tearing up. He won this one. The look on his face said it all- hope, happiness, anxiety, more hope. So much faith. Natasha said yes because it was the only thing she could say. It was the only thing that felt right.
When they walked back into the main hall to a round of applause from their friends, their family, Natasha and Steve both knew that no matter how strangely this had begun, it was just meant to be.