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English
Series:
Part 1 of I Was Young
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Published:
2020-05-28
Completed:
2020-06-06
Words:
16,885
Chapters:
10/10
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120
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498
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The Rooms Were So Much Colder

Chapter 10: Afraid of the rope

Notes:

This is the last chapter. Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments! Everyone's been so lovely. <3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

It's two weeks later when Zhao Yunlan gets a message from Da Qing, with an address and an explanation that consists of the words: Possible Dixingren. Interview later today. Stalling.

Zhao Yunlan comes to the very quick realisation that the Envoy does not, in fact, own a mobile phone, and he will probably not accept Zhao Yunlan going home and leaving him a note as 'discussing things first.' Also, Zhao Yunlan doesn't actually have any idea what to do if whoever Da Qing is talking about turns out to be Dixingren. He might have more good than bad experiences of meeting Dixingren by now, but the bad ones left an impression that he prefers not to think about.

If it comes to it, he'll still go and figure it out once he's there. The Envoy will probably forgive him too. Eventually.

He pulls out the Envoy's schedule. It looks a bit worse for the wear from being carried around in Zhao Yunlan's backpack, but the Envoy's perfect handwriting is still as legible as ever. Then he makes his way over to the University.

It takes a bit of asking around, but he finds the right classroom. He leans against the wall and tries not to fidget while he waits. If he was outside he would be smoking, but instead, he pulls out one of the lollipops that he's taken to also carrying around now, since someone started providing him with them. He pops it into his mouth and sucks thoughtfully.

The class finally lets out. One of the other students is talking with the Envoy, who is easy to spot in his sharp suit, far more put together than any of the others. The Envoy's eyes find Zhao Yunlan instantly and he quickly excuses himself to the girl.

"Zhao Yunlan?" he asks, clearly worried.

Zhao Yunlan pulls the lollipop out with a pop and straightens from his lean against the wall. "I—" Then he realises that he's not quite sure how to explain, so he sticks the lollipop back in his mouth, pushing it into his cheek with his tongue, and fumbles out his phone. He opens the most recent message and turns the phone toward the Envoy. The Envoy looks at the screen, making no move to take the phone for himself. Zhao Yunlan is not surprised at the Envoy's reluctance, the tragic lack of modern entertainment technology in Zhao Yunlan's own life these days is sad proof of the Envoy's attitude.

The Envoy's posture grows firmer as he reads. "The whole family is," the Envoy says, sounding pained. "Their boy is ten."

"What do you want to do?"

"I will take them back to Dixing. I can only hope that I can do it more peacefully than the SID would." The calm on the Envoy's face seems brittle for once like Zhao Yunlan could shatter it with one well-placed blow, and expose the regret under it. "Thank you for informing me, Zhao Yunlan."

"Wait," Zhao Yunlan says when it seems like the Envoy is about to leave and unthinkingly grabs his arm. The Envoy stops and looks at Zhao Yunlan. "I can—" Except Zhao Yunlan still has no idea what he could do, he just wants to do something.

"Thank you, but—"

"No, listen," Zhao Yunlan interrupts him, almost tripping over the words in his haste. Apparently, this is the cause that Zhao Yunlan has decided is worth actually having an argument with the Envoy about. "If I go there no one will panic. I can—well, I don't actually know what I can do yet. Warn them? Find out what happened? We'll figure it out. Please, Shen Wei, let me help."

Zhao Yunlan's heart is beating too fast, he's still holding onto the Envoy's forearm. The fingers of his other hand are hurting from squeezing the almost forgotten lollipop stick between them. He's finally realised why he's doing this, and sure, after meeting all those Dixingren— They're just people, who don't deserve bad things happening to them any more than anyone else. But what Zhao Yunlan almost said was 'let me help you.'

The calm on Shen Wei's face shatters, not dramatically or loudly, he just looks at Zhao Yunlan and Zhao Yunlan's breath catches at the sheer weight of the pain and regret in his eyes. Shen Wei turns his head to the side.

"All right," he says, voice tight. Shen Wei doesn't sound angry exactly, but he's definitely not very happy with Zhao Yunlan either.


Travelling by portal is not exactly what Zhao Yunlan would call a pleasant experience. There are flashes of things he doesn't want to think about, and it takes a while for his brain to not feel like it's been put back together sideways. ("It gets easier," Shen Wei had said, holding Zhao Yunlan by the arms, while he waited for his brain to stop spinning.)

At least it's fast.

So, in no time at all Zhao Yunlan is doing some very fast talking to a rather stressed looking woman. Two sentences in Zhao Yunlan has the distinct feeling that she is not about to let anyone inside her home, no matter what they say.

"Look," Zhao Yunlan says, feeling a bit reckless. "Hei Pao Shi knows who you are." He has no idea if she'd know what the SID is, but every Dixingren knows the Black Cloaked Envoy, that much Zhao Yunlan has learned.

The woman blanches, and looks about to slam the door shut. Zhao Yunlan sticks his foot between the door and the jamb, just in case. "Please, I just want to help. It can't make things any worse."

Her face tightens, but she does let him inside. Then she bursts out with a somehow both horrified and chiding "Xiao Lei!" Zhao Yunlan follows the woman's gaze and is pretty sure he knows what the problem is. He quickly pushes the door shut as the woman hurries over to the boy, literally playing with fire.

The boy startles, the fire dancing at his fingertips sputters, and finally goes out. He looks up at his mother with a mix of guilt and fear. "I'm sorry mama, I didn't mean to."

The woman sags a bit and then crouches down to ruffle the boy's hair. "I know," she sighs. "I know you didn't."

She looks at Zhao Yunlan with pleading eyes. "He didn't do anything wrong. His power—it's new and he can't always control it. Someone at school must have seen— We called him in sick as soon as we realised—" She looks like she might burst into tears at any moment. Distantly Zhao Yunlan wonders who she thinks he is—his age and look doesn't exactly scream authority, or even responsible adult—that she's offering up this stuttering explanation without prompting.

Zhao Yunlan rakes a hand through his hair. Okay, so Da Qing would know who'd reported them. Not that he's even sure that will help them in any way.

"My—friend works for the SID, that's the Department that deals with Dixingren. They're sending someone to interview you about whatever report they've gotten. They're who you need to be worried about right now."

"Hei Pao Shi—"

"Will not come after you unless the SID does," Zhao Yunlan tries to assure her. She doesn't look like she quite believes him, and he supposes he can't blame her. Maybe he should have thought of some other way of talking her into letting him help. "Is there anything else that can give you away?"

"No," she says, vehemently. "We've been living here for eight years, we haven't— Not once until—" She looks at her son, her face pained.

The boy looks at his mother with a far too serious expression. "I don't want Hei Pao Shi to take me away." His mother grabs him and hugs him to her chest, the tears finally spilling from her eyes in silence.

Zhao Yunlan cringes at the thought of Shen Wei being some sort of bogeyman for Dixingren children. It shouldn't come as a surprise, not after all the things Da Qing told him about the Envoy.

"How about your—papers, your identities?" Zhao Yunlan asks. He knows enough to ask about it—remembering the Dixingren couple living in an abandoned building who can't even get jobs—but not much more.

She shakes her head. "We paid for everything," she says, emphasising the last word in a way that makes it sound like it should mean something more to Zhao Yunlan. Is there a Dixingren with the power to forge identities? Is that even possible? Or maybe they just did it the old fashioned way.

Later, he thinks. He needs to find out more about it later.

He needs to talk to Shen Wei. Ah, shit. He really hopes that when Shen Wei said he'd be here the whole time, he meant it literally. Or maybe not. Shen Wei will not like what he's about to say.

"I might know someone who can help your son learn some control. You'll just have to convince the SID that they're wrong first." There is nothing at all that could go wrong with that plan, Zhao Yunlan thinks a bit hysterically. He feels a bit like he's been drinking.

The kid gets a crash course in lying to authority figures. The funny thing is, at least his out of control power has him running a temperature, so him being sick is actually believable.

Zhao Yunlan leaves before anyone shows up. Shen Wei appears as soon as he's out of the apartment and says he'll be there to make sure the kid's power doesn't flare up at the wrong time. Zhao Yunlan is not feeling like questioning how he's going to do any of that, without anyone ever noticing. He's just going to be grateful that he doesn't have to explain anything to Shen Wei.


Zhao Yunlan is sitting with his back to the railing surrounding the roof of the apartment building. He's been waiting for several hours now, but he wanted to be close by, even if they had no idea when anyone from the SID would show up. Not that Zhao Yunlan can do anything. A few cigarette butts are lying next to him, and a couple of discarded lollipop sticks. Shen Wei will probably disapprove of the littering.

Suddenly Shen Wei is just there. Zhao Yunlan doesn't quite know how to ask. Shen Wei crouches down in front of him and gives him a tight little smile. "I think it worked."

Zhao Yunlan feels the tension finally flow out of him, and he sighs with relief. Fuck you, dad, he thinks giddily. "We'll talk to Da Qing, find out if we need to—to—" he stumbles over the words, his voice suddenly shaky.

"We will," Shen Wei says gently. "You did well, Zhao Yunlan."

Zhao Yunlan's breath catches. He can't— He presses a fist to his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut and tries to breathe. Everything is fine.

He feels fingers brush against the wetness at his cheek, and Zhao Yunlan just stops fighting the sobs trying to claw their way out of his throat. Shen Wei doesn't say anything, just gathers Zhao Yunlan in his arms and holds him, while he cries on a rooftop about nothing at all.

When the worst of the sobs finally settle down, Shen Wei picks him up and portals them home. Zhao Yunlan doesn't quite feel up to protesting, even if he knows he should. He still doesn't say anything when Shen Wei settles him into bed, just feels grateful when Shen Wei sits on the bed and lets Zhao Yunlan hold his hand.

The last thing he knows before falling asleep, is Shen Wei whispering, "Thank you, Xiao Lan," and the brush of lips against his forehead.

Notes:

Okay, so the biggest thing in this fic for me was Zhao Yunlan's growth, and getting him from where he was at the beginning of the fic to where he is now. Which is why this feels like a complete story to me, because that's the story I wanted to tell. There's definitely a lot of things left unanswered, and a lot of things that could still be explored in this AU. And a lot of backstory that I figured out for myself (at least in broad outlines) to keep track of things and never actually gets mentioned because everything is told from Zhao Yunlan's POV! I did start writing a sequel, hopefully I'll manage to finish that at some point. (I'm trying to write too many fics at once!)