Chapter Text
Word always spread quickly within the halls of the hospital. Once one person heard a snippet of a conversation, the scandal spread like wildfire. There were only rumors and rumblings of Tony’s divorce among the surgical staff; the gossip was finally confirmed when Dr. Potts-Stark’s name on the OR board finally changed.
Potts, Virginia.
For some reason, Steve felt like the wind had been punched out of his lungs.
He knew that the divorce was coming. Since the overnight shift and his encounter with Tony, he knew that the divorce was happening. Truthfully, Steve was surprised at how anyone else in the hospital found out. Ever since he had spoken with the neurosurgeon, he decided to keep quiet. The other interns were oblivious until they heard the rumor from another intern under Pepper’s service. Everyone knew that the end was coming, even Steve. Still, there was something so startling to see Pepper’s name on the OR board, seeing her name without the Stark at the end.
The divorce was final.
Tony was single—no more secret wives.
Steve shouldn’t care—he didn’t, by the way. He didn’t care that his ex’s divorce was final. Of course, he cared that night, but only because Tony was lonely and upset.
Sorrow twinged in his chest every time he remembered that overnight shift with Tony. The neurosurgeon had looked so broken, in a way that he had never seen him before. It wasn’t as if Steve hadn’t seen Tony in distress; their own breakup had proven that. But somehow, the expression on Tony’s face was engraved in his mind: despair, heartbreak. The loss of a life he had before.
Why did he care so damn much?
“Steve.”
The gentle timbre of Sharon’s voice brought him back to reality. He faced his friend, feeling warmer when she smiled at him. Steve suddenly remembered that he was standing right in the middle of the surgical unit with Sharon. They were supposed to check the board and scrub into their respective surgeries. Sharon was observing Banner’s cholecystectomy, and Steve was just about to get ready for Danvers’ coronary artery bypass surgery.
“Ready to scrub in?” There was a hint of concern in her voice as if she already could read his mind.
Steve nodded and followed her into the scrub room. He tried not to focus on anything else other than the case, but all he could think about was the fact that as Pepper walked past the scrub room, even her lab coat read the same name on the OR board.
The divorce was final. (Not that Steve cared or anything.)
Tony Stark could be one hell of a brat when he was crabby. While the neurosurgeon was known for his usual charm and dazzling smile, the finalization of the divorce left his temperature incredibly short. The charm he could muster was always reserved for his patients no matter how horrible his mood was; very little patience was reserved for his residents and interns. The only intern Tony seemed to cut slack for was a particular blond. This did not go unnoticed—at least, everyone else noticed but Steve.
There was a bit of a truce between the two of them. There were no more withering stares from across nurses' stations, no passive-aggressive comments, no petty calls at 4 am to clean the ER. Both could occupy the break room for coffee and exchange pleasantries. Hell, they were catching up with each other now.
They weren’t friends exactly—that clearly didn’t work the first time—but they weren’t not friends.
Their relationship confused the hell out of the interns. Their jaws dropped upon seeing Steve and Tony chatting away at the nurses' station. It wasn’t one of those moments where they were forced to be polite to each other; the pair seemed engaged in a friendly conversation.
The sunny expression on Tony’s face faded as Bucky approached the station with lab results from one of their patients. The soldier was one of the poor souls assigned to neurosurgery that week, and he absolutely dreaded making conversation with the man.
The neurosurgeon frowned as he thumbed through the files. “These are last night’s results?”
Bucky cleared his throat. “Yes, sir. I know the ICP is high—"
“And what do you recommend doing for her ICP?” Tony barely looked up from the files. “I’m not waiting forever for an answer.”
“Well, there’s a number of things we can try—"
The brunet slammed the binder shut and handed it back to Bucky. “I want hourly results on her status. You can page me in surgery if need be. Get her ICP down or you’re not scrubbing in.”
The smile returned to Tony’s face once he finished the conversation with Steve. “Anyway, let me know how you and Eva like the recipe. Supposed to be one hell of a dish. I’ll see you all later.”
Once Tony was out of earshot, Bucky dragged Steve into the locker room, joining the other interns. The soldier forced Steve onto one of the benches and crossed his arms along with the other interns.
“Steve, you need to tell us the truth.”
The blond was puzzled. “What the hell is wrong with you guys?”
“We won’t be upset if you kept a secret,” Sharon said gently. “But you’ve got to tell us—“
Natasha sighed. “Are you fucking Tony again?”
The accusation along with the looks on his friends’ faces brought Steve to tears with laughter. The interns glanced at each other tentatively, suddenly confused. Steve could barely catch his breath.
“You guys cannot be serious.”
Bucky threw his hands up in the air. “Did you not see what just happened at the station? He didn’t even look at me as he roasted my ass, but with you, it’s all recipes and asking about your girlfriend.”
“This is ridiculous.” Steve stood up from the bench. “We’re going to be late for rounds.”
“You can’t be annoyed at us for asking,” Sharon added, “Tony hasn’t been nice to anyone but you these days.”
“He’s just...having a hard time,” Steve explained, “When he told me about the divorce papers a few weeks ago—“
“You knew?!”
Steve groaned as he was met with three shocked expressions; he sat back down and recounted that overnight shift. Despite Steve explaining everything—well, almost everything—he was still met with skeptical looks from his best friends. He hoped that nothing in his expression would give away the fact that he still thought about how heartbroken Tony had looked that night. He especially hoped that whatever odd, melancholic aching he felt since that night would go away.
Bucky studied his friend’s face. “You’re not back with him?”
“Buck, we all had dinner with Eva the other night!” Steve exclaimed. “And she’s coming to the hospital holiday party this weekend. I am very much still with Eva.”
Before anyone else could refute, Wilson passed the locker room and glared at the interns. The gang was quick to follow their chief resident, silently following him to their first patient to round on. Steve was just thankful he didn’t have to offer any more explanation.
Tony was his...acquaintance. No harm in being acquaintances with your ex, right?
Among the interns, Sharon grew the closest with Steve. Often, the group was broken up in two during traumas or during any emergency pages. Because of this, Bucky and Natasha didn’t always get to interact with Steve the way Sharon did. The duo moved fluidly together during a trauma, following quickly in the other’s footsteps. In friendship and medicine, Steve and Sharon were two peas in a pod.
Which was exactly how Sharon knew Steve was bullshitting her.
Bucky and Natasha were covering neurosurgery afternoon, and Steve and Sharon were called down to the pit. The work in the pit was not particularly interesting that day—minor procedures and diagnostic scans kept the duo occupied. Their system of keeping the ER from overflowing with patients worked well for several hours until there was an abnormality in one of the CT scans. Sharon noticed her friend staring too long at one of the scans and joined him. She frowned when she took note of the abnormality.
“We should get someone from neuro over here.”
“I’ll page Stark,” Sharon suggested, reaching for her pager.
“Tony’s in surgery.” Steve grabbed the scans and placed them in an envelope. “We should probably page Nelson, he’s on call.”
Sharon raised her brows. “Memorizing his schedule now, are we?”
Steve rolled his eyes. “I don’t talk to him as often as you think, you know. We know he’s in surgery because Bucky and Nat are there with him.”
“Right.” She studied his face, looking for the familiar rouge that used to creep up on Steve’s face when they would talk about the neurosurgeon. There wasn’t a trace of the blush, but she was certain to get to the bottom of what Steve was hiding.
Soon enough, the on-call doctor from neuro came and examined the scans. The patient was soon admitted, and the duo returned to their usual flow of patients in the pit. As the night continued and patients were either admitted or sent home, the ER grew quiet. Eventually, Bucky joined them in the pit, crashing onto one of the empty patient beds from exhaustion. While Bucky laid passed out in the bed, Sharon quickly noticed that Steve grew a little restless, as if he were expecting a certain someone to greet them in the pit.
Steve yawned and checked his watch. “I’m gonna run down to the cafeteria and grab some coffee. Anyone want anything?”
“I’ll take whatever soup they have down there,” Sharon replied.
“You got it. Text me if you think of anything else.”
Sharon waited a few moments after Steve slipped out of the ER before creeping behind the nurses station to see if anyone met Steve out in the hallway. As if on cue, a grumpy divorcé joined her friend, already wearing a smile despite coming fresh out of a long surgery. Sharon could barely stop herself from gasping, and the sound was loud enough to wake the slumbering soldier laying next to her.
“I fucking knew it!”
Bucky groaned. “Sharon, what the hell are you being so loud for?!”
“Shut up, Barnes,” Sharon hissed. “He’s gonna come back soon, just act natural.”
Soon, Steve returned with the coffee, soup, and a snack for Bucky once he finally woke up to chart. Sharon silently fought a battle in her mind, wondering whether or not it would be right to just interrogate Steve while they were mostly alone. She decided to keep quiet until Dr. Stark passed through the ER on his way out. The energy in the ER immediately changed, and Sharon could have sworn Steve perked up upon hearing the neurosurgeon’s voice. After updating the night nurses about pages, Tony waved over to where the interns were sitting.
“Thanks for the coffee, Rogers. I owe you next time. Have a goodnight, guys.” The neurosurgeon gave a friendly wave before leaving the hospital.
Sharon shot daggers at her friend; Steve’s lips were pressed together in thin line. He silently cursed the fact that Tony ever said anything, and the fact that nothing could get past his best friend. He also hoped that Sharon would spare him the lecture, but she already grabbed him and pulled him into a nearby staircase.
“Spill.”
Steve massaged his arm where Sharon gripped him. “Holy fuck, Sharon have you been working out or something—“
“You can bullshit the others all you want but you can’t hide this shit from me, Rogers!”
She was nowhere near the same height as Steve, but there was no doubt in his mind that she could kick his ass in without hesitation. Her arms were folded and her glare could have melted all the snow that fell gently outside.
“I just don’t know why you’re yelling—“
“Oh, you haven’t seen yelling yet, Steven!”
He held his hands up in surrender and sat down on the stairs. “Alright, I’m sorry.”
There was no use hiding anything this time around, especially around Sharon. This time, Steve explained everything—from that night in the ER, the way Tony had looked that night and what he said, the and the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about it.
“He just looked...sad,” Steve sighed. “I just felt so sorry for him.”
“Can I ask why?” Sharon leaned on him. “He didn’t seem so sorry when he got back with Pepper the first time. So, why do you care?”
Steve was speechless.
Why did he care?
He racked his brain, trying to think of something. Sharon was absolutely right—there was no reason for Steve to care. Especially not that night, that night where Tony had basically ordered them away from their break to get back to work.
“I just wanted to be nice,” Steve replied after a while. The words somehow felt like a lie coming out of his mouth, but he wasn’t sure why else he cared in the first place. “He’s having a having a hard time and feeling lonely, and I didn’t want him to feel that way.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Sharon explained, “but I guess it’s nice that you still feel the need to be kind to him. I certainly wouldn’t be.”
Steve shrugged. “I guess I still have a bit of a soft spot.” That he knew to be true.
Sharon gave him a questionable look. The kind of look that clearly meant, you better explain yourself right now, mister.
“Not a soft spot like I’m still pining, or something. You know what I meant.”
Now, he wasn’t so sure if that were true. He wasn’t pining, but the feeling in his chest was definitely not purely platonic. They were silent for a moment, one leaning on the other. Truthfully, Steve was scared that Sharon was capable of mind reading abilities because she suddenly sat up and looked him right in the eyes.
“Steve?”
“Yes, Sharon?”
“Are you lying to me?”
Steve laughed and wrapped his arm around her. He stayed quiet, though, unsure of how to answer her. He cleared his throat before saying anything else. “Say, let’s get back to the pit.”
Sharon didn’t miss the beat of silence nor the attempt to get back to work. She gave him a knowing look. “You miss him.”
He looked exasperated now. “Listen, Sharon—“
“Aha!”
Steve stifled a laugh, though it was difficult with the look on his friend’s face. She looked as if she had just broken ground on a new medical marvel.
“I knew something was going on.”
“It’s not something, it’s more just—“
“You know, it would be one thing if you were single, but there’s Eva—“
“I’m done talking about this for tonight, okay?” Steve wasn't smiling anymore, and his voice was on the edge of shouting. “I know this is stupid and complicated. I know it’s wrong, especially with Eva. That’s why I don’t want to talk about it right now. Okay?”
Sharon frowned. “Okay, Steve. I’m sorry.”
He sighed and stood up. “I’m sorry for raising my voice I’m just...tired. I don’t know what to do, and I just want to forget about it right now.”
She nodded. “Fair enough, Rogers. Let’s get back to the pit before the nurses eat Bucky alive.”
She looped her arm with his, silently hoping that her friend wasn’t too upset. Steve squeezed her arm right on cue, a silent acknowledgement for her apology. Steve was glad to finally get back to work in the usual chaos of the pit.
Anything to distract himself from a certain neurosurgeon.
The perfect distraction for lingering feelings for an ex-boyfriend was a party.
It was always entertaining to see all the surgical staff gathered together without donning the usual scrubs, lab coats or stethoscopes. Every once in a while, Steve was reminded that his co-workers were just as human as he was. Once they arrived at the party, Eva immediately led Steve and the other interns to the food tables, marveling at all the different cuisine that laid before them. One of the best things about working in the city was that people of all cultures worked within the walls of the hospital, and with that meant some damn good food.
“I have a feeling I’ll be back here,” Eva said as she filled her plate, “every time I think I’m done getting food there’s something else I want—ugh, samosas!”
Nat grabbed the tongs and placed the fried delicacy on her plate. The gang quickly followed suit, taking a bit of everything from the table. Eventually they all started making the rounds, greeting everyone from the different departments that were present. It was not very often that all the hospital staff were finally gathered together. Instead of being confined to the varying shifts and specialties, they were finally allowed to mingle without the pressure of saving lives.
Watching Eva meet everyone on staff made Steve’s heart swell; he had always imagined this, in his life before. Back when they were still in school, dreaming of the life they would have when they grew up, as Eva liked to say. Steve had imagined moments where he would introduce her to the people who would not just be his coworkers but close confidants, friends.
She quickly brought smiles to whatever group of people Steve had introduced her to—not that he was surprised or anything. Eva could always fit in easily among different people without any brief moments of awkwardness or silence. It was always the opposite for Steve—he always needed a bit of a push. She was the people person between them. Nonetheless, he liked that she brought him out of his shell a little.
Suddenly aware of his gaze, Eva pulled the intern aside and sat down. She leaned in and kissed his cheek.
“Penny for your thoughts.”
He smiled. “Nothin’. You’re pretty and I like watching you talk.”
“Ah yes, I’m feeling very sexy in our matching ugly Christmas sweaters.” She pressed a button on her sleeve that illuminated the silly reindeer across her torso. “The lights were definitely a great choice.”
“I agree.”
She leaned forward and kissed his lips this time. In the distance, she could hear Steve’s friends whistling and teasing. Steve pulled away slightly, blushing an adorable shade of pink. Eva couldn’t resist how he sweet he looked when he grew a little shy—she kissed him one more time for good measure. Steve smiled and sighed, slightly relieved that he could get his mind of a certain neurosurgeon for the night.
Tony had no idea why he went to the damn holiday party that night.
The days that came before the party exhausted him; interns and residents were particularly annoying that week, and all he wanted was to finally settle down in his apartment to finally open up a bottle of scotch. Long hours with the same staff made him irritable, and he didn’t see how a party with the exact same people was going to magically fix his sour mood.
The neurosurgeon insisted that it was pointless going to the party, but Rhodey ignored all of his best friend’s whining.
“You need to get up and just go out,” Rhodey pleaded, “they probably have scotch at the party.”
Tony remained glued to his spot on the couch, arms crossed. “Scotch is more fun to drink alone.”
The trauma surgeon entered the master bedroom, rummaging through its contents. There was an endless sea of navy blue scrubs, a few pants and dress shirts, but they all seemed to be work attire.
“Don’t you have anything you’d wear to a party and not like you’re going to head in for a staff meeting?”
“No, because I’m not going.”
“Ignoring you now!” Rhodey called from the bedroom.
When his best friend returned to the living room, Tony couldn’t help but laugh at the attempt made to look festive. Tony had almost forgotten the ugly Christmas sweater that was stashed away in his closet. Rhodey’s grin looked evil.
“This is perfect.”
Tony sighed. “What are my odds of me being able to get out of this?”
“None.”
In hindsight, staying home would have been a better idea. Tony knew that his best friend had the best intentions, but now that he was finally at the party, he wanted to be anywhere else.
The moment he saw Steve kissing Eva, he knew it was going to be a long fucking evening. He immediately grabbed himself a scotch and stayed at a corner table, away from the bustle of the party.
Despite everything, his newfound friendship—almost friendship—with Steve was the only thing that made him feel better. News of the divorce was the talk the town; he knew that the moment the OR boards were updated the other day. Steve’s kindness despite everything they had gone through together just made everything a little bit easier. It was somehow easier to breathe knowing that he was not completely alone. Tony knew he had Rhodey, he would always have him. Still, Rhodey had created his own life here in Chicago, and Tony was still feeling helplessly alone. Steve had mended that feeling, helped that gnawing feeling become a little more bearable.
He liked having Steve as his friend. He knew Steve was only his friend. He knew Steve was with Eva. Hell, they were having conversations about her. Steve would light up when he spoke about her during their chats over coffee. He knew Steve wasn’t his.
And yet, seeing the two of them kissing made his blood boil all over again.
Tony downed his scotch and returned to the drink cart. I have a feeling we’re going to be here all night.
The neurosurgeon returned to his best friend’s side, enjoying the fuzzy warmth from the scotch. He delightedly accepted another drink from one of the other trauma residents, nodding and smiling politely though he had no idea what the conversation was even about. He quickly finished his drink, enjoying the slight burn in his throat.
Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the interns making the rounds. Those four always managed to be the life of the party somehow, eager to mingle and chat with senior residents and attendings. He found himself hating their enthusiasm, wishing he was that bold at their age.
Eva was pretty. Tony decided that after yet another cup of the fruity cocktail that the hospital was serving. She was pretty, the kind of pretty that Steve deserved. He probably would have dated a girl like her in college, for a little while at least.
The blurry figures of the interns became clearer as they made their way toward his group. Rhodey quickly glanced as his friend, noticing the drunken smile Tony wore. The trauma surgeon grabbed Tony’s arm as a silent warning and shot him a glare—the please keep your mouth shut glare.
Tony downed the contents of his cup and let the alcohol do the talking.
The interns exchanged pleasantries with the rest of the group—the usual information about where they graduated from, what they were excited about during internship, and what they were thinking of specializing in one day. Tony didn’t pay much attention to the interns as all he could focus on was the pretty girl latched onto Steve’s arm.
For a split second, there was a pause in conversation, and the excess of alcohol in Tony’s system decided it was the perfect time to introduce himself to Eva.
“Tony Stark,” he slurred, holding his hand out. “I don’t believe we’ve met.”
The other interns’ expressions matched a deer in headlights. Steve managed to keep his cool and a smile on his face.
“Tony, this is Eva,” Steve began, “Eva, this is Dr. Tony Stark, one of the best neurosurgeons out there.”
Eva extended a tentative hand. “It’s very nice to meet you, Dr. Stark. Everyone speaks very highly of you around here.”
Tony raised a brow. “So, what department do you work in?”
“I’m sorry?”
“You know so much about me already,” Tony said coolly, “you seem to know everyone here, and you’re here at a staff party. I’m assuming you work here.”
“Oh, I don’t work here,” Eva explained. “I just joined Steve here.”
Tony nodded and took another sip of a drink, feeling more immortal than ever. Steve instinctively wrapped his arm around Eva.
“Eva is a teacher at one of the city schools,” Steve said proudly. “She teaches biology.”
“How cute for you to bring her here,” Tony replied, “Maybe she can give us all a lesson on cellular respiration.”
“Tony,” Rhodey warned, “I think it’s time for a glass of water.”
“Yeah, we’re probably going to grab some more food,” Sharon said, tugging on Steve’s arm. “It was really nice to chat with you all.”
“I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around more often,” Tony said, voice dripping with sarcasm, “since we’re just bringing non-hospital staff to all our functions and gatherings. Maybe she can scrub in for you next week, Rhodey!”
“What the hell is your problem?” Steve growled. “This is a party, Tony!”
“Steve,” Eva said gently, “it’s okay, let’s get back to our table.”
“Listen to your girlfriend, she’s gotta get back soon, it’s a school night,” Tony snapped.
The neurosurgeon was immediately dragged away by his best friend. His eyes were still focused on Steve—at least the blurry image of him—and the fire behind his gaze. And just like that, Tony had ruined the one other good thing he had in his life.
Rhodey shouted something at him, but the combination of music and alcohol made it difficult to focus. He accepted the cup of water his friend had given him, but what he could really focus on was Steve and his friends. He noticed the blond step outside for some air. Tony took another glass of water and hoped it would help him stand straight long enough to follow the intern outside.
Snow fell gently outside, looking beautiful like something out of a movie. Steve was looking something beautiful too, cheeks red out of frustration and snowflakes dusting his eyelashes. Something in the back of his mind, either Rhodey’s warning or his own conscious, told him to leave the poor man alone. The alcohol in his blood was telling a different story.
“Some party, huh?”
Steve sighed. “Go away, Tony.”
“Where’s everyone else?”
“They weren’t too keen on sitting out in the freezing snow with me.”
Tony scoffed. “I’m sure Eva would follow you anywhere. She’s here, she’s there, she’s everywhere.”
“Drink some water and go home, Tony. You’re drunk,” Steve said through gritted teeth. He willed himself to be patient, trying not to clench his fists.
“I don’t even know why you’d bring her here anyway,” Tony continued, slurring on every word, “this is for staff only. Is she staff? No. But somehow she’s here, just like she’s always here bringing you coffee or food—“
“Is it your life mission to make everyone around you miserable?” Steve shouted. “No one else can be happy, everyone has to be a mopey piece of shit like you, huh?”
Tony blinked in surprise. “I can add that to the list now. Tony Stark MD, neurosurgeon, divorcé, mopey piece of shit.”
Steve shook his head. “I don’t even know why I tried being nice to you. At first I felt bad for you—“
“You felt bad for me?” For a split second, Tony looked like a lost puppy.
The intern softened for a moment. “You were a wreck, how could I not feel bad?”
Tony was shocked. No matter how angry he could feel, he was always surprised at Steve's tenderness. However, the toxicity of the alcohol returned and clouded Tony’s brain. “I’m pretty sure your girlfriend wouldn’t enjoy you pitying me.”
Steve threw his hands up in the air. “I give up. I’m not going to fight you anymore.”
“You’re always giving up,” Tony snapped, “You never give me one chance—“
“One chance?!” Steve echoed. “One fucking chance? Tony, I have given you too many chances. I finally thought we could be friends—hell, it worked for a while! I ignored the fact that you treat every other person in this hospital like complete utter shit, just to give you a chance at being happy.”
“Well, aren’t you just the sweetest thing?” Tony sneered. “So sweet to everyone—me, your fucking girlfriend, every damn person in this hospital—it’s nice to know I can count on you pitying me from now on, Rogers.”
“God, it’s not pity, you idiot!” Steve ran his hands through his hair, exasperated and exhausted. “Have you considered for once that maybe you’re not the only one who’s suffering here? I missed you, for fuck’s sake. It was nice to have you back, even if it was just to be my friend.”
The words are enough to send chills down Tony’s back. Sure, he was used to verbal battles with Steve, but they didn’t usually end this way. Tony was beyond intoxicated, but the words echoed over and over in his mind. Suddenly, he was feeling very faint and lightheaded, and the image of Steve immediately began to blur and fade—
The next time Tony opened his eyes, the room was almost painfully bright. His arm was sore, as if a very inexperienced intern had stuck his arm multiple times while trying to place his IV. A headache pounded at his temples, and he was very grateful when he realized he was laying in a hospital bed. He was also particularly grateful for the blond intern that sat at his bedside.
“Some party, huh?”
Steve’s face was unreadable. “More fun for some than others.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re okay now,” Steve assured him, “just sit back and get hydrated.”
“Any chance you’ll slip in some morphine, doc?” Tony hoped for at least a smile, something to prove that maybe he hadn’t imagined what Steve had said. That it wasn’t a drunken dream, that it was true— Steve had missed him, too.
Steve adjusted the saline flow to the patient’s arm. “Lay down, Tony.”
The neurosurgeon sunk back into the bed. “Where’s...everyone?”
Steve barely looked up from his charting. “There was a car pile-up because of the snow. Everyone who’s sober is working now.”
Tony nodded. He fiddled with the bedsheets for a while, searching, wondering, aching to say something to him and break the awful silence that sat between them.
“I’m sorry,” Tony finally repeated.
“Happens to the best of us,” Steve replied simply, “watch the booze next time.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Tony felt so damn sleepy, and the world was beginning to fade again. The intern looked puzzled, and Tony couldn’t help but smile and reach out to him. He swore he was touching Steve’s face before he finally fell asleep again.
Once the neurosurgeon fell asleep, Steve took it upon himself to move him to a private room rather than letting him spend the night in the pit. After alerting the charge nurses of the move, he instructed them to page Rhodes once the patient woke up.
The intern returned to the party, which seemed to have dwindled quite a bit since the remaining residents and attendings were called back into work. He noticed that his friends were also gone, a curse of being a surgical intern—one night off is never truly a night off. The only person left from his group was Eva, somber and looking lonely amid the doctors and staff she did not know.
"Hey." Steve sat down beside her, taking her hand into his.
"So, that was the big bad ex, huh?"
Steve sighed. "I am so sorry he said all of that to you. I didn't even think he would say anything. Things have been...okay between us lately."
"He's your ex," Eva said simply, "and I'm the one you're with now. That's why he was being an ass."
"He was drunk," Steve replied.
"And you're defending him?" She let go of his hand.
Steve panicked now that he saw the deadly expression in Eva's eyes. "What? No! I'm just explaining what happened—"
"We should get back." Eva stood up and grabbed her purse. "I've got that flight back to Hartford, remember?"
"Eva." Steve intertwined his fingers with hers. "Honey, come on, I'm sorry."
The intern pressed his lips against her forehead, hoping to melt the ice between them. She was still stiff for a while, not quite letting him off the hook so fast. Steve leaned down this time, kissing her cheek and flashing another heartwrenching smile. Eva's lip twitched slightly, but she didn't dare smile back just yet.
"Baby, I'm sorry."
Eva raised a brow. "How sorry?"
"Sorry enough to carry you back out to the car."
"Hmm...not enough."
"Sorry enough to make you breakfast tomorrow morning?"
Eva leaned up on her toes and kissed his cheek, a silent acceptance of his apology. "I'll tell you how you can make it up to me back at my place."
Steve was beyond grateful for Eva's ongoing patience. They were supposed to have breakfast that morning, their own little version of Christmas before she left for Hartford later that morning, but once again—not even a holiday like Christmas Eve would get the interns out of getting called back into work. He held her extra tight before leaving the apartment that morning, trying to forget any other lingering feelings he was stupid enough to have in the first place.
"I'm sorry," Steve said, voice cracking slightly.
Eva looked up in surprise. "Aw, Stevie, for what?"
"For last night," Steve replied, "and leaving you again so soon today."
"It's okay," Eva reassured him. "My quick little McDonalds breakfast made up for it. Promise."
Steve laughed and hugged her tight once more. "I'll see you in two weeks. Don't you forget about me while I'm gone."
"I could never."
The other interns had already beat him to the hospital that morning, as some other attendings needed charting to be finished before any last-minute emergency surgeries occurred over the next two days. They finally had to join Steve in the pit, mostly stitching up patients who were too confident in the kitchen for holiday prep. It was never a dull moment at the hospital, not even during the holiday season.
Steve was just finishing up stitches on one of the pit patients before Dr. Rhodes peeked behind the curtain.
"Rogers, when you're finished up here I'd like to speak with you for a moment."
The intern joined Rhodes at the nurses' station, suddenly incredibly nervous to be standing here with him. Dr. Rhodes was one of the best trauma surgeons in the country, and he was suddenly wondering now if he had done something wrong in the pit or had delinquent charts on any pit patients. The ER was his domain—it was not someplace to fuck around in.
Dr. Rhodes cleared his throat. "I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of To—Dr. Stark last night."
Steve felt his muscles relax. "Oh, it's no problem. Good thing we hosted the party right here at the hospital. No excuses for injury."
"He was looking for you," Dr. Rhodes continued. "I mentioned I would find you if I ran into you, so..."
"Oh. Alright then. Thank you Dr. Rhodes."
"Thanks again, Rogers. He's still recovering in his room," Dr. Rhodes said, "scotch is one hell of a drink."
The trauma surgeon nodded curtly before returning to the pit and assisting staff on any incoming patients. Steve's mind was a million places at once, wondering at all why Tony would want to see him.
He shouldn't have said anything to Tony last night, not while he was simultaneously pissed off and missing him all at once. He shouldn't have said anything at all that night in the ER, saying anything about being his friend or not letting him feel alone. He shouldn't have mentioned at all that he had missed Tony, not because it wasn't true, but because he was afraid of what else his feelings might make him do. Hopefully, the scotch in his system was enough that it would cloud Tony's memory.
The neurosurgeon looked much better now, his complexion looking far brighter than the night before. He no longer donned the hospital gown the nurses had forced him into after he passed out. He looked the most human than Steve had ever seen him. A plain maroon sweater and jeans—not the usual attending attire or scrubs. Dark hair, normally combed back, was now slightly unkempt, almost giving him a boyish look about him. He looked like someone's brother or a person at the coffee shop down the street, not like a world-renowned surgeon.
Tony smiled as Steve entered the room. The intern had to steady himself for a moment, not quite expecting such a warm welcome from the man. He never knew where he stood with Tony these days, even moments like these, where there seemed to be a silent truce between them.
"Hi."
"Hi." Steve cleared his throat. "You look good. Well. You look well."
"Yeah, sleep and hydration work wonders after drinking your weight in scotch," Tony teased.
"I can see that."
Beats of silence felt like weeks or months.
"I asked Rhodey to make you come in here because I wanted to say I'm sorry," Tony began shakily, "For everything."
Steve felt like running out the door. He didn't want to hear this, not right now, not with Tony looking perfect and being sentimental and sweet. No matter what he felt, his feet were glued to the floor.
"I'm sorry I was an ass last night to you and Eva," Tony continued, "I was bitter about her before and again, I'm sorry. I'm glad you're happy. Seriously."
"Oh."
Stop. Stop speaking. Stop.
"And I'm sorry for how I treated you through all this. After the breakup, putting you through my bullshit, confiding in you and pressuring you to be my friend because I was being bratty. I'm sorry. I don't want us to be like this, you know. I want what we had before."
Before?
"The kind of before where we were friends," Tony said quickly, as if reading his mind, "The one where we can catch up and have coffee and I don't go psycho on your girlfriend."
Oh. That before.
"But you don't have to say yes or anything," Tony added, "I've given you no reason to trust me or make you believe I mean it. But I do mean this, and I'm sorry. Again."
Steve studied the brunet's face. He almost wished Tony were lying, that he didn't want to be friends, that he didn't miss being in his life, that they could move forward and forget about each other. Honestly, that would be easier than this, standing in a room where they could only be friends instead of anything else. Steve absolutely hated that he couldn't read minds, but everyone else seemed to know what he was thinking or wondering.
He also hated the cloudiness in his mind, his inability to answer. He wanted desperately to just be friends, but his heart was doing some weird tossing and turning, he was beginning to think someone in cardio should take a look. There was no reason for him to be feeling this way, but seeing Tony in earnest like this was making his heart contract way more than it should—
"I-I should go. Rhodes might need me back in the pit."
Ah, great. That's the perfect thing to say, dumbass.
Tony smiled sadly. "Right."
The intern nearly ran out the door before Tony's voice stopped him again. Steve wanted to shout at his subconscious at this point.
Have you not got an ounce of willpower over this guy?!
"Steve, wait."
The blond turned around again, surprised to find a box in Tony's hands. Tony fiddled with the bright red ribbon for a moment before continuing. "Here's a little something."
The intern raised a brow. "This is a present."
"Yes." Tony was sweating now, suddenly wishing that he wasn't doing this in the fucking first place. "It's Christmas, so."
A million years ago, Steve would have found Tony to be downright adorable. The neurosurgeon was almost blushing now, trying his best to look Steve in the eye but failing miserably. Despite his embarrassment, Tony still wore the same smile, the one that made Steve weak in the knees. For the first time in months, there’s a twinge of sadness in his heart again. It was no longer the same sadness that crashed over him before, unapologetic and unrelenting whenever he saw Tony after the breakup.
Steve stepped forward, taking the present into his hands. “You know, I feel bad. I don’t have a gift for you.”
Tony shook his head. He looked relieved. “It’s a gift. The spirit of giving, or somethin’ like that. Also, just an apology for being such a Scrooge. Merry Christmas.”
“Thanks, Tony. Really."
Tony nodded. "You should open it. It's not fancy or extravagant, or anything. I also don't have a gift receipt, so you're stuck with it."
The blond chuckled. "Well, alright then."
Steve sat down on the hospital bed, trying not to focus on the smell of Tony's cologne as he sat down beside him. He unwrapped the present carefully and found a picture frame inside the box. The photo inside was a brain scan, one he hadn't seen in many months. Steve instantly recognized the photo—the scan of the subarachnoid hemorrhage that he diagnosed on his first day.
"I thought you should have a memory of that," Tony explained. "You never forget your first patient, especially not one you diagnosed before the attending."
"This is amazing," Steve said quietly, "Now I feel especially bad that I didn't get you a gift."
"It's okay," Tony replied gently, "I just wanted to do something nice for you."
Steve looked up at him and his heart nearly froze as he realized how close Tony's face was to his. He could see every detail on the man's face: every freckle, how deep brown his eyes were, a scar on his chin, the tiredness under his eyes. He felt like he had trouble breathing—someone should check his pulse.
"I want to be friends," Steve whispered, "But I don't think that's a good idea."
"Would it be so bad?" Tony inched closer, impossibly close to him now. Steve could feel the cool air every time Tony exhaled.
"It would be," Steve replied, "because then I would be lying to you."
"How so?" Tony was holding his breath now.
"Because I don't want to be your friend."
Steve closed the gap between them, finally melting against Tony's lips. The familiar scratch of Tony's stubble made Steve shiver, a feeling he could never get over no matter how many times he thought he was over that sensation. The intern's hands found Tony's hair, relishing the thick strands and how they felt after months of being away.
His brain no longer had any bodily control now that Tony's lips were on his. The brunet let out a wanton sigh, and the unexpected noise only fueled Steve's hunger. He let his fingers tug on Tony's strands, relishing the soft moan that left his lips. Now that Steve could feel those lips, those lips that he dreamt about and missed and craved and ached for, he couldn't stop. He didn't want to stop. Everything he ever felt about this man came crashing down in unrelenting waves. Steve wanted to touch and kiss every part of Tony's body, his lips, his neck, his chest, right between his hips—
The intern quickly pulled away, realizing he was still at work, still being a doctor, still in a damn relationship.
"I should actually go now."
Tony couldn't suppress his grin. "Right. Merry Christmas, Steve."
It was one hell of a Christmas for sure.