Chapter Text
You groaned as you stepped dizzy out of respawn and returned to the map. You hauled your fallen Heavy’s Tomislav and opened fire on the BLUs just coming out of the tunnel. Out of the corner of your eye you glimpsed an enemy flying your way with a shovel in hand and patriotism galore. Adrenaline shot through your veins as you summoned all your strength and swung the enormous gun around, smacking the BLU Soldier out of the air just as he was about to bludgeon your skull. You lost your grip on the gun, though, and it broke against the ground some feet from you. You were defenseless as enemies fired on you while they drew close to the first checkpoint. With pain ringing through your body and blinding you, you dove around a corner onto the ground, landing dead in the sand.
Or so you thought. Your senses returned to you, no longer drowned out by the burning hurt of bullets. You weakly lifted your head to see Medic extend a hand to you. “Come on, up we go.”
He pulled you to your feet, his big gloved hand wrapped around yours. “Stay alive a little longer, bitte, we must hold this position.” You retrieved a dropped sticky launcher and littered the checkpoint with bombs then scooped up a trashy homemade rocket launcher. (This you distinctly remembered reading about— its page was written in pencil by Jane himself. It fires at strange angles but can do so rapidly.) You shot at the oncoming squadron of BLUs, but couldn’t hit any shots since they were ducking behind the cart. There was one way you could think of to get them, but it was dangerously stupid.
“I’m going to rocket jump over them so I can land a few direct shots!” Your stomach did backflips as you announced your plan to Medic. You hadn’t been able to jump with the RPG made for jumping, and now you were about to use the one made of literal garbage. You crouched and fired at the ground but jumped too late, damaging your legs and going no more than a couple feet in the air.
“Don’t worry, I saw nothing,” Medic said with a sly sarcastic grin as he healed you.
You fired again, jumping on time this try but being propelled at the wrong angle; you floundered to grab the edge of the building’s roof but got purchase. You pulled yourself up and crouched out of view, loading your rocket launcher. With a deep breath you leapt off the roof, letting one, two rockets fly down on the enemies. Before the third, another shot from BLU Sniper hit you right between the eyes and you woke up at base. Dammit! Why wasn’t I paying attention?
You trudged back to the frontlines as the announcer boomed “The bomb has arrived at the first checkpoint, five minutes have been added to the clock!” You could see from a distance that the cart was already around the corner.
Spy poked his head out of one of the buildings and beckoned you with a wave of his hand. “Remember the favor you owe me, for five minutes’ assistance in battle?”
“Yeah, let’s get to it!” you rubbed your hands together, eager to operate on a plan hopefully a little more foolproof than trying to destroy a whole team with a gun made of trash.
“That Sniper is doing too much damage; if we can take him out for a few moments our team can make an effective counter-push, but our rivals are too wary of me.”
Bullets began to rain on you from the high ground and you both ducked for cover. “Merde, add a sentry to our list of problems. Now,” Spy took the Ambassador from his coat pocket and gently handed it to you, “You are going to shoot at me with this and miss. You must come close, though.”
The metal was cool to the touch, the wood of the grip luxurious and smooth, and the engraving of the woman even more gorgeous up close. The poker game last night had let you know how important this gun was. “I’m honored to even be holding this thing.”
Spy let out a small laugh before continuing. “I will be disguised as an enemy retreating from you; I will request aid from a target, claiming to be out of ammunition and badly wounded, but will stab them before they can lay a finger on you.”
BLU Soldier came flying backwards towards you, landing on the ground unresponsive between you and the battle. “It appears I have found my first disguise,” Spy said as the hologram of Soldier materialized around him, his voice morphing from dulcet French tones to gruff Midwestern grumbles.
“Your act would be more convincing if you had an empty gun,” you observed as you fumbled to empty your shotgun and hand it to him. “It’s not as fancy as the Ambassador, but—”
“I’m honored to even be holding this thing, Jack,” he interrupted you with a smile and a voice that didn’t fit him, “Let’s move.”
Spy stumbled backwards into one of the buildings as though running from a scuffle and only now discovering his defenselessness. “I need some help!” he called out. You fired shots just to the left and right of him as you heard Demo coming towards you two.
“I got ya, laddie!” the blue clad Scotsman called as he charged at you, unloading a grenade in your direction. Your heart stopped for a moment, braced for certain death, but swiftly Spy ducked behind him and drew his knife. But the concern in Demo’s eye was so genuine and his protective instinct so clear that you had to look away as your teammate plunged the balisong into his back.
When you turned back, the Soldier disguise had fizzled out to be replaced by Demo’s. “Pure dead brilliant, Jackie,” Spy said in his new voice with a wink, “Tha Sniper’s just ahead.” The illusion of a pill launcher materialized over your empty shotgun. Spy nodded to you, signifying that you should start shooting. You shot just to the left of his head, and the whole time he was wholly concentrated on his mission, paying no mind to your bullets. He… trusted you, it seemed. “Sniper!” he yelled as he headed for the ammo crate in his room, his weapon clicking with no ammunition, “Could use a--”
“I’m not deaf, ya know!” the sharpshooter yelled with a grimace as he swapped out his rifle for an SMG and fired on both of you. The Frenchman’s disguise flickered and your shot stomach stung wildly. The second Sniper's attention was on the unarmed Spy you leveled the Ambassador at his head and fired with your last bullet, striking true.
“Boom,” you spat through the pain, “Headshot.”
“The bushman underestimates you, mon amie,” Spy grunted as he doubled over, “Merci beaucoup.”
There was a healthpack near the ammo. You brought it to Spy, whose red suit was being stained near black by his blood. Panicked, you opened his shirt and applied some of Medic’s miracle medicine to his wounds and quickly wound bandages around his torso and pulled them tight. You tried not to take note of his toned abdomen, nor the silky feel of his skin.
Spy coughed as his fingers flew to rebutton his clothes. “You are just full of surprises, Jacques, vous avez tous mes remerciements.” You couldn’t understand what he said, but there was some struggle in his seemingly genuine words, as though he weren’t used to sincerity. He maintained his cool as he stood and straightened his tie, expression inscrutable. “Now I will need a distraction in order to take out the sentry. Let me scout ahead to find your least dangerous approach.” After you traded guns the man vanished. You bandaged your own wound and reloaded your gun. That medicine really did work wonders quickly, as the pain subsided bit by bit.
You and Spy met in the previous room. “There appears to be a spot the sentry cannot reach where you can present a threat and lure the Engineer away. I will sap the sentry and hopefully stab the Engineer before you are truly endangered.”
Spy returned to invisibility and slinked behind the giant A/C unit BLU Engie built his rooftop sentry in front of. Peeking out behind it, you took potshots at the sentry, which couldn’t quite fire at you.
“Start prayin’, boy!” the Texan grumbled as he came towards you. It struck you who it was you were fighting here, and the moment from the end of the last battle came to mind. He rounded the corner to see it was you, and almost jumped backwards. He fired instinctively, but jerked his aim into the air as to not hit you. You couldn’t shoot either after he took care not to hurt you.
It occurred to you that if you didn’t kill him, Spy was about to sneak up and stab him in the back. You… couldn’t see that. You turned and ran into the opposite building to find a teleporter, which you simply stomped on until it stopped working. You listened for Pauling to announce the death of either Spy or Engie.
“BLU Sentry down, BLU Teleporter down, BLU Engineer down! Wow, Spy, Jack, you are on a roll.”
“Thank you, Jacques. I do believe we are in an optimal position to counter-push, if you would be so kind to accompany me to the front lines.” You picked up a rifle on the way back and picked off the approaching Soldier and Medic from half cover. The fighting died down so you put your back to the bomb cart and pushed it backwards with all your might. Heavy joined quickly, as did Soldier, Demo, then most of the team. You let it fly back, its wheels screeching in protest. They had apparently all heard about your exploits through Ms. Pauling. Heavy gave you a pat on the back and some mercenaries began celebrating you (although you knew it was too early to be celebrating anything.) Demo hoisted you onto his shoulder cheered, offering you some booze he apparently had on him. You felt a little embarrassed being the center of attention, especially when Spy was the one who did most of the work. But he had disappeared, of course.
Your team’s hold was so strong that the cart barely moved an inch before the end of the match, at which point you were drained and knew that your high salary certainly was a fair trade for three battles a day.