Chapter Text
Chapter 7
The Haven appeared small at first glance, but the fences around the perimeters ran so far that they couldn‘t see the end of them from where they stood. When first walking through the gate, there was a large area made of nothing other than solid dirt, bare of any foliage and surrounded by chain link fence topped by barbed wire. That was where the group had first met up with the guys that took all their belongings, and where Bakugou left everyone behind.
The closing of the gate was loud and held an air of finality with it, like being trapped inside a cage. It sucked the air from one’s lungs, building pressure in a slow crescendo.
Eri recognized one of the people Deku talked with there as someone who had attended school with him, though she couldn‘t remember his name. When they finished talking, everyone started walking through a small fence door and into what seemed like a little town built from tents, motor homes, and whatever anyone could scrounge together to get
out of the weather when needed.
As far as she could see there was metal, wood, wire, and machinery connected by tarps, blankets, and strange tapestry overhead that was obviously providing shade from the sun, even though it was currently too cold out to care about shade. The chaotic place flooded her vision in a sea of mixed colors, the various shades of cloth and metals dimmed and rusting, but every now and again there were little bits of evergreen tree tops peeking out from above.
They followed behind the group of men that had met them at the gate, walking through a split in the camping spaces where the line broke into what looked like a more bustling version of the little town. There were actual buildings here, though they too were made of scrap material and rotting wood. The houses were lined with small gardens, mostly barren but covered in cloth in some places, and pits of fires that flickered in the early hours of the day, splitting the fog that was still hovering with the morning chill.
Eri stopped out of shock at the sight of everything, her mind was trying to make sense of it all at once. There were rows and rows of all the various types of housing, small ponds of water with little water wheels turning in constant motion, the sound of metal scraping against rocks and feet turning in the hard dirt.
The echoes of a small town flooded around her, a growing cacophony of things long forgotten.
Eri pressed a hand to her head, willing away the sounds and the mounting pressure grating on her nerves.
Beyond all of the houses and their little gardens, all the small campfires split between pathways of rock and stone, there were people going about their day, completing their chores. And mixed into it all, most prominent of all, were the children running everywhere. She could remember one or two children in the past that were well and truly free, but mostly she remembered the ones that haunted all her dreams.
She sucked in a breath and tried to focus on the present, the energy and fullness all around her right then.
It was impossible to take in the sight of it, too much for her mind to process all at once, and yet it was only the first part of the haven. The thought of something more was slightly daunting to her and she shivered as she watched the people around her mingle, her hands coming up to wrap her sweater tighter around her body.
Her conscious thought slowly became aware of all the other people that had also become aware of her.
People were milling around her in a constant wave of motion, dozens of them moving in a rhythm of this town that they had built. Their eyes glanced at her and then away, propriety forcing them not to stare, but their humanity begged them to stop and see, to identify this new person amongst them, a rarity in itself during these trying times she was sure.
The noise seemed unbearable to her, but she could hardly remember any sounds as they came upon the Haven earlier this morning. At that time the noise had been minimum, a trick of some kind hiding the truth of this place from the world beyond the gates. It was inspiring and amazing, but those thoughts were slowly being drowned by the sheer enormity of being in the middle of so many people again.
She stumbled as she forced herself forward, a quiet thought pointing out that she had somehow become separated from Deku and would need to find him. It was difficult in such a crowded and unfamiliar place, but she knew that somehow she had to get through this area and find him before they all noticed her.
Slowly the sounds became brighter, the crowd seemed thicker than it was, and their bodies jerked and twisted in odd ways. One of them turned to her suddenly, his head moving in unnatural ways. His hand came up and his mouth fell open with a low keening moan falling from his chapped, grayed lips.
Eri shook with realization that she had caught its attention and others were turning to her as well. She needed to find safe ground, a place to hide, but no matter where she turned to there were no hiding spots, no friends, no one to pull her out of the mob that was taking notice of her and all coming her way.
“Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku…”
Her lips chanted as she twisted and turned, stumbling in any direction to avoid the hands that were all coming for her. She couldn’t lose here, not here, not when they’d come so far. Deku would be broken if he lost her, the last of them all.
“Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku…”
Eri turned, an opening presenting itself to her in the sea of arms, and ducked low to make her way through. As soon as she was clear, she broke out in a run as fast as she could within such a confined area. How had anyone gotten so many of them stuck in this small space?
Her entire focus was set on escaping; she needed to get to a safe space and find a way back to get the children. They needed her.
Her breath hitched as one of them grabbed the pack that was slung over her shoulder. She cried out in alarm and wriggled out of the pack, tripping as she ran to avoid the rotting fingers.
She turned in her short run and found herself at a blockage, coming up short to avoid running into the piles of metal and stone towering over her with no door and no escape. Looking behind her, the mob was getting closer, their hands reaching farther, and she knew she would have to climb to get above them. They weren’t climbers, so she would be able to get away if she could just climb that wall!
Her first attempt to climb up was messy, her fingers pricking against something sharp and cold. She could smell the blood as the metal cut open her fingers, a gash on her arm from slipping as she scrambled to climb above the mass. Their voices were louder now, near a frenzy and more frightening for it. Deku had told her about the frenzies and while she had never seen it for herself, it was an unmistakable sound when the voices became frantic.
“Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku…”
Eri kept trying to climb, her feet barely above the grasp of the limbs reaching toward her, the sounds of their cries terrible and grating in her ears. Where was Deku? What separated them? How was she going to get away from this place and get back to all the children?
Tears slipped over her chilled cheeks as her eyes scanned the massive mob in search of that pitch dark hair, glinting green like the forest when the sun hit it just right. Or was it still green like it always had been? Was he tall enough to see over this huge mob?
Her memory was playing tricks on her again, making things fuzzy and hard to recall.
Where was Deku?
“Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku…”
The clash of metal below her brought her attention to the pile of rubble she was climbing. It was falling apart as she tried to climb higher, her footholds unsteady no matter where she stepped. She was going to fall and they were going to eat her! What if it worked this time? What if she turned this time?
A bolt of fear shook through her, the grip of her hands giving way at the force of it and displaced her footing. She felt the pull of gravity dragging her backwards, her hands scrambling to find something to grab again as she tipped backwards toward the sea of arms.
“Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku, Deku…”
When she realized that there was nothing left to grab, that she was freefalling into the arms of the nightmares below, her tears stopped and her breath left her from shock. She thought it sounded strange at that moment to hear them screaming, a high pitched terror in the voice that she couldn‘t place.
Eri had never heard them scream like that before.
***
It was strange to see him now, his presence both soothing and painful all at once. After the initial shock had worn off, Shouto was not too surprised to hear that Bakugou had kept the truth of the Haven from him. While it was difficult to accept, the truth remained that none of them had seen or heard from Midoriya in over six years.
Bakugou was only doing what he felt was best and while Shouto would like to strangle him for his brutish ways sometimes, he could not argue that those very tough decisions were more often than not the reason so many of them had survived this long. That was also the reason that the majority of the Haven’s resident’s looked to Bakugou for leadership, regardless of how vehemently the man denied it.
It was clear now that Bakugou had allowed extra time on their journey in order to assess the situation with Midoriya so that he could determine if it was safe enough to bring him into the Haven at all. Knowing that Bakugou trusted Midoriya enough to bring him here meant the world to Shouto; he desperately missed his friend!
But as they made their way through the living quarters and past the main hall, Shouto began to worry that the time his friend spent alone out there in the cruelty of their current world had perhaps changed him more than he had expected. Gone were the constant mutterings, the open curiosity, and the insatiable need to know everything. In their place Shouto found silent observance, an open alertness, and the cold stare of a man that had seen too much.
He wanted desperately to tell him to relax, that it was okay to let go just a little, rest and find peace here within the relative safety of the Haven.
Better than anyone, Shouto knew that this place was no safer than any other fortified area and that the safety was nothing more than an illusion. It still helped him to sleep each night.
Shouto turned his eyes to the side, noting one of the guards from the main gate following at a slower pace, his eyes tracking behind them and on alert. Whatever had caught the man’s attention was enough to put him on alert, but before he could ask, a high pitched scream rang out from somewhere behind them.
“Eri!”
His head whipped around to find Midoriya already sprinting away, backtracking the steps they had taken and searching with that single minded tenacity only he could pull off. Shouto placed a hand on the guard’s arm to stop him from running after the man, shaking his head in a silent bid to stand down. He would follow them himself and tend to the issue at hand.
As he ran after his friend, a task easier than expected by far, he noted the direction they were heading and wondered how the girl had ended up in the trash perimeter of all places. It was possible that she had been distracted and wandered off, but highly unlikely considering her background.
After living for so long in the open with the infected, her instinct to stay alert would have been sharp and unrelenting. The girl also came from a childhood of isolation, so there were many other factors to consider in her case. Unfortunately, it was highly likely that she was not accustomed to large groups which could have any number of side effects.
Her scream almost certainly indicated that she was in distress, not simply a cry because she was turned around and couldn’t find her way back to them. Had that been the case, any of the residents of the Haven would have turned her to the main hall at the very least.
The truth of her situation would need to wait though; while Midoriya‘s ability to follow her voice through unknown territory was slightly impressive, the crowd around them was growing steadily thicker.
When Shouto turned around the corner of one of the scrap yard piles, he found himself staring at a fairly large crowd of people. The sound of Midoriya calling out to Eri pulled at something inside of him, the desperation and fear that trickled into his voice as he called her name felt very familiar.
Shouto clutched at his chest as memories threatened to flood over him, the tips of his fingers numb with the urge to reach out.
He pushed away the painful thoughts and made his way through the crowd only to nearly stumble into the back of his friend. Eri was clearly not conscious, her head being cradled gently as Midoriya rocked with her, calling out to her as his fingers stroked through her hair.
Looking over the girl, Shouto could see blood dripping from various scrapes and cuts across her body. He reached down and lifted her hand where most of the blood seemed to be pooling and noted the open cuts on the pads of her fingers.
The scrap pile behind them was littered with all sorts of dangerous objects and he was willing to bet she had tried to climb that, though for what purpose he couldn’t guess.
Shouto knelt down next to Midoriya and placed a hand on his arm, garnering his attention so that they could get her treated. They could sort out the reason behind this situation once she was safe.
“We need to treat the cuts before they become infected. Were there any other injuries?”
When Midoriya shook his head in the negative, Shouto stood and offered a hand to help him up so that he could carry Eri to their infirmary. There wasn’t much to the place aside from a few beds, a bit of clean linen, what was left of the emergency kits, and some herbal remedies, but at least there was running water in that building.
As he made his way through the crowd, a familiar face caught his attention.
“You’re coming with us.”
He didn’t wait for the man to agree, knowing full well that he had heard him and would do as told, if only for the chance to wriggle his way into the personal affairs of the newcomers. The thought of it made Shouto’s stomach turn a bit.
While he preferred to avoid this particular person as much as possible, the simple truth was that he was the type of person to have his nose in everyone’s business for one reason or another. If anyone knew what had happened, it would be him. Unfortunately for Shouto, he had already been nursing a slight tension in his head and would no doubt be going to bead with a full blown headache before this was all said and done.
Shouto couldn‘t decide if he liked this day or not.
~~~
~Winter 2023, Akita Prefecture~
“Hey…hey…wake up…come on…”
With a groan, she took a deep breath and immediately curled in on herself, her head pounding relentlessly.
“Are you awake now? Come on!”
The voice that called to her sounded oddly familiar, but she was having trouble placing it with a name. It was too shrill and incredibly loud, the feel of it pressing against her brain every time the person spoke.
“Come ooooonnnnnn…”
She opened her mouth to ask them to quiet down but coughed instead. Her tongue felt heavy and the inside of her mouth was dry like sand but sticky at the same time.
The feeling of a cup against her lips startled her, the contents of it spilling on her as she jumped.
“Really?!”
That voice was different, older than the other one for sure, and very close. Eri’s heart raced against her ribs as she tried to place yet another voice.
“’M sorry”
Her words were grainy, garbled by the lack of moisture in her mouth and the sharp glassy sensation in her throat.
The pressure against her lips this time was less shocking and made it easier to accept without causing such a mess the second go around.
Water trickled down her throat, the pressure there releasing slowly as she took in whatever she could swallow, the motion tempered only by her need to breathe.
“Relax, there’s plenty more. You’re going to throw up!”
She didn’t want to do that of course, but her throat was soothed by the cool water so she didn’t want to stop drinking either. Her body decided against her thoughts, choking and spewing the water that she had tried to swallow.
“Gross”
Eri caught her breath and wiped a hand across her mouth, the coolness of the water icy against her heated skin.
“Sorry”
“Whatever, just lay back down”
As she did what she was told, the sound of the older voice moved away from her. She listened as they reprimanded the shrill voice and demanded that they leave her be until she was better. She wanted to tell them that it was okay, that she wasn’t sick and could get up just fine, but the words wouldn’t come out.
A deep yawn suffocated the noise around her for a few moments, reminding her that she was very tired even if she wasn’t sick.
“-behave. The medicine is still not gone so she has to sleep”
Medicine? What medicine? Was she actually sick?
~~~
It was dark when she woke again, but this time there was nothing on her eyes keeping the light out. Eri blinked several times in an attempt to adjust to the darkness, but it was thick like the moonless nights.
Her hands moved slowly across the sheets of the bed she was in, the texture of them stiff but comfortable enough to handle. There was a blanket on her by her legs, she could tell from the weight and warmth of it, but she couldn’t reach it from where she was and didn’t have the nerve to sit up just yet.
The sound of machines echoed around her from somewhere in the room, soft and steady like a whirling washer. There were beeps every few seconds that didn’t seem to have a rhythm really, but they came from several different directions so it was probably a lot of different machines.
With a deep breath, she steeled herself for whatever surprises might come and slowly sat up, wincing at the sound of the sheets falling down around her waist. She kept her eyes screwed shut and her head tucked into her shoulders as she waited for someone to come tell her to go back to sleep.
It was obvious that she was in some type of room for sick people from the sounds around her, maybe even an actual hospital even though she was sure they were all closed more than a year ago. But while Eri didn’t know where she was specifically, she had no doubt that she was laying on a hospital bed. She had spent enough time in those beds to know what they felt like.
If this was a hospital where they were able to treat people even with all of the infected running around, then surely there were nurses somewhere, someone that could tell her what was going on.
And someone had to know where Deku and Mirio were… and why they weren’t in there with her.
It took several minutes of moving her blankets and scooting slowly to the edge of the bed, her feet dangling over in search of the floor and lowering herself as slowly as possible, unsure of how far the fall would be if she let go. The air was cold against her skin, chilled in that way old hospitals used to keep them.
The tiled floor felt even colder than the air, her toes wiggling against the solid surface in an effort to stay warm.
She tiptoed around the bed, eyes searching in the dark for a sign of which direction she should go, her hand trailing along the relative safety of the bed as she made her way around it.
At what she assumed was the end of the bed, Eri leaned over as far as she could and turned her head in every direction she could imagine as she searched for some form of light somewhere. It was too dark to see anything though and that thought alone was enough to make her heart race.
What hospital didn’t have the lights on?
She gripped the bed sheet tightly and swallowed, her tongue thick and heavy in her mouth. There was no way she could just lay there in the dark and wait for Deku or Mirio to come and get her. If they weren’t here now, then something had to be wrong.
But if they weren‘t with her, then where were they?
Eri took a deep breath and stepped away from the end of the bed, her fingers trembling as the sheet fell away. If she moved in any direction now, there would be no returning because she would have no way to find the way back.
She let her breath out slow and steady, the way Deku told her to do it whenever she started getting scared. Her steps were slow and unsteady, her feet creeping along the floor so that she wouldn’t step on something by accident.
The sounds around her became dim in her ears, steady and reliable enough to ignore. To her right she saw movement and turned, seeing a sliver of light around what looked like a door frame.
Her breath rushed out as she stumbled toward the door, her focus narrowed to that one small hope as if it might go out if she looked away. She rushed forward in her excitement and nearly cried in shock when she hit something unexpectedly.
The feel of something large and solid pressed up against her leg, her feet stumbling and tripping as she reached out to steady herself. Her hands fell against something else and pulled it down, the loud clattering of plastic and metal pinging across the floor around her.
It felt like years had passed as she stood still with her eyes screwed shut, waiting for someone to find her or someone else to wake up. Her body shook in fear, her breath shallow and somehow loud in her own ears even over the sounds of the room around her which had somehow become disturbingly loud.
It was obvious that there were other people in the room just by the sound of the machines alone and she wasn’t sure if they were friendly or not. Mirio always told her not to trust anyone that she didn’t know and to be careful with people she used to know before.
Eri wasn’t sure how long she stood there or what she was waiting for, but when nothing happened, she allowed her shoulders to drop and swiped her hand across her eyes at the tears that had gathered there. The light of the door was calling to her more insistently now, her heart beating hard in her chest as she moved her feet even more carefully now, hands out in front ready to keep her from running into something again.
The sharp sting of something in her foot made her cry out, her hands wrapping over her mouth quickly to stop the sound. She couldn’t see what it was but she could feel the thick ooze of her blood as it trickled out onto the floor and the sting of something small and sharp stuck inside her foot.
She hobbled over toward the light to find what was in her foot and nearly cried out again when she put too much pressure on it. Once she reached the light, she sat and lifted her foot toward her face, easily recognizing a blade sticking out like the one’s on the little metal tools that Chisaki had used when he did all of her surgeries.
Eri was terrified to know why there was a tray with tools like that in a room she was sleeping in but didn’t want to stick around to find out either. She pulled the blade from her foot and stood up, casting it behind her and reaching out toward the light.
She had to find Deku and Mirio!
~~~
~Present Day~
The sound of blankets rustling alerted him to her movements, but it was her eyes that let him know she was there.
“Deku…”
Her voice was soft, quiet and filled with a fear he hadn’t heard in her in a long time.
“I’m here, Eri”
He offered her a glass of water and waited patiently for her to orient herself with her situation as much as she could. When she handed him the cup back, he placed it behind them on the small bedside table and took her hand in his, focused solely on her comfort and needs.
“Do you remember where we are?”
“I…”
The look in her eyes made him grit his teeth, the confusion taking longer to clear than he would have liked. But still he waited as she sorted out her memories on her own.
“We went to the Haven. We found the Haven and we went inside and…there was…they were…”
Her fingers squeezed tight in his grasp, the blunt nails digging into his skin as she tried to recall what had happened.
“Eri, you’re safe. We both are. We’re safe!”
Her eyes seemed wild almost, the fear in whatever memory she was recalling dragging her into it’s emotional grasp. But after a few moments, she loosened her grip and muttered quietly to herself.
“We’re safe. They’re not here. They’re not here.”
Izuku bit his lip as he watched her, listened to her self-assurances and her measured breathing. She was clearly distressed by her memory and whatever it was that had happened here at the Haven, though he had no idea what that could have been.
“Hey…look at me, kiddo”
Her eyes fluttered up, traces of tears wetting her lashes and pulling at his heart. What he wouldn’t do to make her safe and comfortable again, happy in her own skin.
He reached out and wiped a tear from her eye, a small smile lifting his lips to reassure her that everything was okay right now. After allowing her some time to calm down, Izuku took a deep breath and prepared as best he could for whatever emotional wreck was about to come out.
“When we got here, we were all together. Can you tell me how you got separated from the group?”
He was doing his best not to make her feel like she were being interrogated or punished. Heavens knows that he had not always been the most subtle with her throughout the years; he had made his fair share of mistakes in trying to keep her safe. He also knew that there were plenty of times they had become separated and he had been so scared that he actually yelled at her when he found her again.
The look in her eyes, the fear and regret along with so many others, were things he never wanted her to feel again…especially not because of him.
“When we walked passed the fences, there was a place…it looked like houses. There were people…and chil- children…”
Her voice quieted and her body trembled, her breath shortening with the recollection of that moment. Izuku recognized the tremor when she mentioned the children and realized that it likely triggered an old memory. He squeezed her hand gently to let her know he was there and that she was okay.
“They were running. There were people everywhere. The infected, they…they were…I couldn’t get away…there were too many of them and I couldn’t see you…I couldn’t find you and I- I ran. I-”
“Hey…hey…shh, it’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe now, Eri”
“Deku, the infected…”
Her voice shook as tears took over her eyes, her lip caught between her teeth as she held back a sob. Izuku wasn’t sure who she saw, but he could easily put together why she thought there had been infected people there. Suddenly that distant fear in her eyes made sense, the memory that she had become caught up in that caused her so much distress.
He moved to sit on the bed and gathered her into his arms, tucking her head under his chin and running his hands down her back in slow, gentle movements.
“This place is safe, Eri. There are no infected in here-”
“I saw them! I’m not lyi-”
“Hey, shh, hey…I know you aren’t lying. It’s okay.”
Izuku pulled back and held her face gently to keep her focus on him, his eyes smiling down at her as much as he could at that moment.
“Listen to me, Eri. You are not in that place anymore. The people that are here are alive and healthy…or well, not infected at least. The children here are free…truly free…”
He leaned down slightly until he was face to face with her, his eyes at level with hers as he tried to convey the weight of what he was saying.
“You are free, Eri.”
The tears that fell from her eyes were heartbreaking and warming all at once and he felt his own eyes watering in response. He sat up and pulled her into his arms again, rocking with her as he hummed lowly to her while they both grieved and let go just a little bit.
“I know it’s going to take time for you to feel it, but you are safe here. No one will get you here. Jirou and Ashido would never allow it for one, but neither would anyone else in this Haven.”
Her fingers grasped at the back of his shirt as she squeezed him as tight as she could, taking comfort in any way she was able. Izuku held her close and gave her the time she needed to properly sort out her emotions, his fingers running idly through her hair and down her back.
A few years ago, before the infected had taken over, Izuku had learned that Eri suffered from a type of PTSD from her time with Overhaul. She had been napping out in the field of flowers while Mirio collected a few of the colorful one’s for her to keep in her new room. She had woken just as Izuku was coming upon them and sat up with a scream.
At the time, neither of them knew what was going on or what to do, so Izuku simply did what his mother did whenever he was scared as a child. While they sat there rocking together, Eri eventually calmed down and asked to go back to her room.
Aizawa explained to them both that day what her therapist had said about the situation while simultaneously apologizing for not having told them sooner. Considering her triggers were so far confirmed in dreams or domestic settings, it had been unlikely they would run into an issue.
It had been difficult to learn how to properly handle an episode at first, but he had taken it in with everything else he did as a hero-in-training and learned what made Eri better and what made her feel worse.
He was thankful for the lessons back then because he wasn’t sure he would have been able to handle the fallout after everything that she went through after that.
“I wish I could forget them”
The quiet confession pulled him from his thoughts, a frown pulling at his face for the guilt in her voice.
“To be honest, I wish I could make that happen.”
Izuku understood her guilt at wanting to forget; it was the same way he felt when he woke from his own nightmares about Aizawa, Mirio, and the children. He knew that it wasn’t his fault, logically, but no matter how hard he tried, his mind simply would not let him free of his guilt.
He pulled back and lifted her face again, wiping away fresh tears and offering as much reassurance in his touch as he could possibly muster.
“You were barely ten years old when you tried to save a huge group of children. You fought against terrible people and you won, Eri…you won because you got them out and you found us.”
Her tears became thicker and her chest heaved with hiccups, but he kept going because she needed to understand that what happened was not her fault.
“You saved a lot of people that day. Those children did not die because of you or anything you did. You’re their hero, Eri.”
She ripped away from him, her hands coming up to grasp at her chest.
“But they’re gone, Deku…they’re dead…and maybe...maybe they wouldn’t be if I hadn’t dragged them from that place! It is my fault!”
“Eri, no…”
He tried to reach out to her, but she pulled from him again and shouted, her voice cracking as it was unaccustomed to such loud tones.
“I killed them because I thought I was big enough to save them and I wasn’t. They died because of me…they died and I don’t even know their names!”
The shock at her admission rocked him, his eyes widening with realization at her own self-inflicted hatred. She didn’t only blame herself for their deaths, but also because she couldn’t name them, couldn’t properly bury the memory with nameless faces.
“I don’t even know their names…”
Her voice broke in a whisper again, her words steeped in shame and loathing. He wanted so badly to just take away the pain, to go back in time and find her sooner, find all of them. If he could just remove the burden of her guilt then she could have hope again.
“Deku…”
Izuku opened his arms and gathered her to himself, holding her tighter now that she was letting him again. His soul ached to make things right for her.
“Listen to me, Eri, and don’t you ever forget this, okay? You saved those children by taking them away from something terrible…you gave them hope. What happened after that was because of those horrible people, not because of you or anything you did. You are not responsible for that.”
He held her just a bit tighter, silently begging her to hear him and praying that she would accept what he had to say.
“You don’t have to know their names in order to put them to rest. We can give them names and hold a service for them so that you can send them off properly. They will understand.”
He held on and closed his eyes, praying against hope that she would be okay with this so that they could help her move on.
It was quiet for several minutes and he feared she may have fallen asleep, but the fingers clutching at his back suddenly let go and she pulled back. Izuku let his arms loosen to give her space, watching in awe as she smiled up at him just a little.
“Will you help me give them names and say their prayers then?”
Izuku held his breath as he tried not to cry, nodding instead to let Eri know that he would do this for her. The determination in her eyes gave him hope that she would be okay, that she could still heal from this after all this time.
They sat together for several more minutes as they talked about the children and the different ways someone chooses a name for a child. Eri was quite adept at choosing names, at least in Izuku’s opinion, which might not amount to much since he wasn’t very good at that type of thing himself.
After a while, both of them had begun to nod off sitting up so Izuku decided to turn in for the night. He would bring her paper and something to write with tomorrow so that they could write down all of the names that she had come up with.
There was a deep part of him that hoped this would work because the idea of leaving her behind with unresolved guilt like this would tear at him. He was honestly not sure if he could follow through with his plans if she didn’t get better first.
For now though, he really needed to get some sleep.
When he stood, she reached out and held his wrist but there was no tremor, no cold and clammy feeling, only the sure and steady grip of a small girl. He wondered if she would be like this when he left the Haven, or if she would cry and make unreasonable demands of him.
“You aren’t leaving, are you?”
Izuku measured his breath as he tried not to react, giving himself a moment to respond. While he knew that she couldn’t read his mind, there were times that he severely questioned his own belief. He knew that she wasn’t just referring to leaving for the evening, could hear it in the tone of her voice, the fear and the anger that warped her usually melodic sound.
Izuku had promised her that he would never lie to her again and he intended to keep that promise, but now was not the time to have this conversation.
“Let’s worry about today right now and let tomorrow come when it comes”
She knew as well as he did what that meant, but also understood that it was time to let that rest and deal with it later as it happened, one thing at a time. By the way she pulled away from him, Eri was not too pleased with the non-answer.
“You always say that.”
Her pout was cute in a way, but she was getting a tad old for those games and he was growing a little tired of the act that she thought could sway him.
“Yes, and I always will. You know this.”
Eri averted her eyes, her arms uncrossing from her chest, and her lip no longer jutting out in petulance. At least he knew that she understood his warning.
“Will I see you in the morning at least?”
Izuku tilted his head to consider how best to answer her. Part of him wanted to reassure her and give her the coddling she so obviously wanted, but there was another part of him that knew better than to give in to that.
There was going to come a time in the near future when he wouldn’t be there to even hear that question. It was best they learn to tolerate the distance now while they had the chance.
“We will see each other when the nurse clears you to leave tomorrow.”
That news got her attention it would seem, her body perking up along with her mood.
“There’s a nurse? Like a real, actual nurse?”
He couldn’t help but chuckle a little at her enthusiasm. For someone with such a sordid relationship with hospitals in general, her love for nurses always baffled him.
“Well…of sorts.”
“What does that mean?”
While he wanted to spend more time with her and would enjoy nothing more than to answer all of her curious little questions, they both needed sleep. It was well past the midnight hour and he was getting cranky.
“You’ll meet her tomorrow. Get to sleep, Eri.”
“Night Deku”
“Night kiddo”
***
Izuku stopped outside Eri’s room in the infirmary to let Mina know that the girl was going back to sleep so that she could watch over her. When he left, he expected to get to his room and be able to simply fall onto his makeshift futon without further ado.
Nothing really seemed to go his way these days though.
At the doorway to his temporary room, Izuku found himself nearly drooling at the image of his old friend leaning against the opposite wall. If one ignored the fiery insistence in those glowingly dark amber eyes, one could appreciate the almost casually perfect image of a well kept body resting with its arms crossed and shoulders dropped.
Why did this man have to look so good and sound so bad?
Izuku tried his best to remain neutral, knowing full well that he was cranky from lack of sleep and that the spitfire over there wasn’t doing any better.
“Up past your bedtime?”
Izuku wanted to slap his hands over his mouth, wondering if Katsuki might finally kill him for his terrible social abilities after that comment. One could only hope.
“No worse than you.”
Of all the things Katsuki could have said, that wasn’t one of the responses that Izuku had expected. The idea of not knowing him so well anymore put Izuku on edge. But when the man spoke again, Izuku both wanted to listen and tell him to fuck off.
“We need to talk.”
Izuku knew that Katsuki wanted to know more about what had happened to them, as much as Izuku wanted to know about the Haven and how Katsuki had come to live here. To be fair, they both deserved at least that much. But he was so very tired and there was no way he would be able to keep up with the fiery tongue of this man.
“You’re right, we do…but unless you plan on sleeping with me, I suggest we do it tomorrow. I’m going to pass out where I stand soon”
It was fascinating to watch the small blush as it spread across Katsuki’s cheeks, but more-so it was simply confusing. As he considered the reaction, Izuku realized what he said, or rather the way he said it, and felt his own face heating in response.
He took a step back and lifted his hands in front of him, words tumbling from his lips like fire water.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I meant like sleeping with me, in my room, actual sleeping, like going to sleep because I’m so tired and…”
There was a darkness coming over Katsuki’s face as Izuku rambled and he tried desperately to fix that too. It’s not like he didn’t want to do that, just that it’s not what he meant.
“N-not that that’s a problem either. It’s not like I wouldn’t sleep with you, I mean I’m not saying that we have to, but there’s nothing wrong with that, or you, and oh my gods I-”
“Shut up!”
Izuku snapped his mouth shut, holding steady as Katsuki shouldered past him, whispering low and dark in his ear.
“Meet me by the main hall tomorrow after breakfast”
Izuku shuddered, more in interest from that tone than any sort of fear, and nearly melted from the embarrassment of it all. Something was definitely wrong with his brain.