Chapter Text
The following morning dawns with horrifying clarity as Akutagawa wakes up tangled in furs and Atsushi’s hold. Last night was a mistake, and yet Akutagawa can’t bring himself to regret it. He can’t even lie to himself and pretend it was the alcohol that loosened his restraints.
Even now, he stares at Atsushi’s sleeping face and wonders what it would be like to kiss him, to wake him up, and continue where they left off the night before. He doesn’t think he’s ever wanted someone this much and it scares him. He barely knows Atsushi, and Atsushi is hiding things from him along with the rest of the village.
He still has no proof, nothing but a lingering, persistent suspicion that whatever killed Shibusawa lives among the village. If it’s really Kyouka, Akutagawa suspects she had a reason to do what she did. If it’s not her, Akutagawa is back where he started. Either way, it feels like the truth is just barely out of his reach. It might unbalance the fragile little thing he has now.
Maybe, Akutagawa could just pretend nothing out of the ordinary happened here and he could indulge himself a little longer. But that’s not the kind of person he is. He prefers the truth, as unpleasant as it might be. So, he resolves to tell Atsushi about his suspicion. Atsushi’s reaction will tell him what he needs to know.
With a heavy heart, Akutagawa peels himself out of the bed. He can’t allow Atsushi to distract him any longer. Especially now, that the snow has finally settled around them and the wind is quiet again.
When Atsushi wakes a little later, Akutagawa asks him to lead him into the forest and to show him once again, where Shbusawa met his end. Atsushi is silent for a moment before he agrees. Akutagawa thinks he can see the disappointment in his eyes but for now, he will pretend not to see it.
Their walk is a quiet affair. Akutagawa can feel Atsushi’s gaze on him just as he still can feel Atsushi’s hands on his body. When they reach the spot, Akutagawa briefly pretends he’s still looking for clues. Then, he turns to face Atsushi. “You have been lying to me.”
“Have I?” Atsushi replies back, his voice awfully careful and casual. Akutagawa can see how tense he is.
“There is no bear. Shibusawa wasn’t killed by any normal animal. He was killed by one of you.” Akutagawa keeps his voice steady, holding himself carefully still as he watches Atsushi. He expected Atsushi to deny him, but it looks like Atsushi won’t even make that attempt.
He just looks at Akutagawa in quiet contemplation. “That’s a very interesting theory. Do you have any proof?”
Akutagawa hesitates, and then, he lies. “I do. I have no proof who did it, but I know one of you did. Shibusawa still had a diary on him.” He adds, “I think it’s -”
He stops when Atsushi reaches for him. “Don’t do anything rash,” Atsushi implores him. Akutagawa stares at his outstretched hand, dumb-founded. He knows Atsushi cut his thumb two days ago. Now, there isn’t even a scar and Akutagawa’s stomach plummets. He feels all the color drain from his face. He looks back up again anyway.
In the pale glow of the sun, Atsushi looks inhuman. The light reflects in his eyes, giving them a haunting gleam. It must be nothing more but a trick of the light, but Akutagawa stares, mesmerized.
Then, Atsushi’s lips part, revealing teeth much sharper than they should be and Akutagawa’s mistake dawns on him.
„It’s you“, he whispers, voice cracking under the weight of his realization. „It’s you.“
Atsushi smiles at him, a little fond and full of regret. Then he pounces, his face twisting into the maw of a beast.
Akutagawa runs. Funny, how he always thought that he was better than that. In the past, he always chose fight over flight.
This is different. He’s not sure if he is strong enough to win a fight against the tiger that Atsushi has changed into. He’s not sure if he wants to win against Atsushi. For now, he can only run.
His breath is burning in his lungs. There’s not much time to find the right path and Akutagawa knows, he’s hopelessly lost at this point. Atsushi knows these woods.
He’s just a stranger here.
But he can’t stop to think about where he’s going. The tiger is never far away from him, but never quite catching up.
It feels like he’s playing with Akutagawa. It reminds him of one of the cats in the village, toying with a rat until it's too exhausted to run. In the end, the cat always devours its prey.
Now, Akutagawa knows what that feels like.
Suddenly, light breaks through the trees, and for a brief moment, Akutagawa thinks he escaped the woods. But he just finds a river cutting its way through the forest. It’s too deep and too fast to cross safely and Akutagawa knows he’s trapped.
He turns, looking for another way. But it’s already too late.
Atsushi has caught up to him.
Akutagawa takes a step back, and the tiger lunges.
But it’s not the beast that presses him into the cold snow, not quite.
Atsushi is almost human again, even with his gleaming eyes and sharp claws. He’s so much stronger than Akutagawa.
„I caught you.“ He grins, revealing pointed teeth. Eyes alight with the thrill of the hunt, he looks very different from the kind orphan Akutagawa met in the beginning, and Akutagawa shivers.
„Will you kill me now?“ he asks, meeting Atsushi’s gaze stubbornly. „Like you did to Shibusawa Tatsuhiko?“
Above him, Atsushi stiffens, the feral joy bleeding from his face. „I don’t want to,“ he replies, with sudden seriousness. „I quite like you, Akutagawa.“ He pauses, and Akutagawa already has an idea that he knows where this is going. Atsushi doesn’t want to kill him, but he will do so anyway.
Akutagawa reaches for the knife tucked away in his belt, but he’s too slow. Atsushi has his wrists pinned in seconds.
„Listen to me,“ Atsushi demands.
„I don’t really have a choice, do I?“ Akutagawa snaps, suddenly angry. He hates how helpless he feels right now.
Atsushi’s gaze softens a little. „You don’t,“ he agrees. „Because I’d rather have you understand me than having to kill you.“ He leans down, pressing a soft kiss to Akutagawa’s cheek. Akutagawa flinches. The sudden affection throws him off, even though ist not entirely unexpected. Not, after what happened the night before.
Akutagawa still doesn’t know how to deal with it.
He gives Atsushi a tense nod anyway.
Maybe stalling will give him a chance at escaping.
His assent brings a bright smile to Atsushi’s lips. „Thank you,“ he says, so earnest it makes Akutagawa’s chest ache. „I didn’t want to kill Shibusawa,“ he admits. „Not at first. He told us he was a scholar. That he had come to learn more about our woods.“ This was familiar, Fyodor told Akutagawa the same before. But Atsushi isn’t done yet. „He lied. He was here...He was here because he heard about me. About someone half-beast, half-human.“ Atsushi tries for a smile, but it crumbles.
„I saw his notes....He...he hunted people like me. To study what made us different.“ Just from Atsushi’s voice, Akutagawa can tell that there is more to that, details that Atsushi is keeping from him. But he keeps quiet, listening to Atsushi’s story.“When he didn’t find the tiger, he started to question people in the village. At first, it wasn’t bad but...The day before he died, he almost killed Kyouka while questioning her. He thought it was her.“ Atsushi’s voice grows quiet. „I don’t regret what I did. He was a bad man.“
Akutagawa thinks about the foreigner that hired him. He didn’t seem like a good man either. Maybe he shouldn’t trust Atsushi, but he does anyway. He doesn’t care much for admitting it. Instead, he asks „And what now?“
„You can stay here,“ Atsushi immediately suggests and his grip is tightening a little on Akutagawa’s wrists. „I can keep an eye on you. You can’t tell anyone that way.“
Anger surges up in Akutagawa’s chest. „No,“ he replies. „You can’t make me stay.“ The idea of being held a prisoner scares him, even if it’s a prison he might grow to like. It reminds him too much of being a tool in someone else’s hands. He strains against Atsushi’s grip holding him down. „You won’t.“
Hurt flashes across Atsushi’s face and he tightens his grip until Akutagawa’s bones creak. „Is the idea that horrible to you?“ He snarls, voice sharp. „Would you rather die than stay here?“
Akutagawa makes a frustrated noise at the back of his throat. He doesn’t want to die. He doesn’t even think Atsushi would kill him. But he can’t make Atsushi understand any of this. Words were never his strong suit. So, he surges up, crashing his lips against Atsushi’s in a clumsy and desperate attempt to convey the words that he can’t say. This time, he has no alcohol to blame.
Atsushi makes a gutted noise against his lips, then he kisses him back, pressing Akutagawa back into the snow-covered soil.
This is different from the first time. There is nothing careful about the way Atsushi kisses him. He’s devouring Akutagawa, greedily licking into his mouth when Akutagawa opens it in a gasp.
Suddenly, Akutagawa wants to reach up and tangle his fingers in Atsushi’s hair, pull on it until Atsushi follows his lead. But his hands are still trapped in Atsushi’s grip.
Just then Atsushi lets go of his hands, and Akutagawa thinks about reaching for his knife. But he feels dizzy, Atsushi’s kiss has left him panting and suddenly, it’s too late to react. Atsushi is getting up from the cold ground, his hands reaching under Akutagawa’s body until he can hoist him up as well.
Instinctively, Akutagawa scrambles for something to hold onto, convinced they will both crash to the ground at any moment.
They don’t.
Atsushi holds him up with an ease that betrays the strength of the tiger and Akutagawa is furious with him. Furious and –
„You liked that,“ Atsushi says, staring at him with open wonder.
Like this, Akutagawa towers over him, and he glares down at Atsushi. „Let go,“ he demands, voice much breathier than he would like it.
„I don’t think I will,“ Atsushi replies and when Akutagawa opens his mouth to reply, Atsushi pulls him closer, grinding their hips together.
It’s too late to suppress his moan. Atsushi looks awfully proud of what he did. Before Akutagawa can tell him what he thinks about it, Atsushi has him pressed against the nearest tree, craning his neck to kiss him again and Akutagawa melts into it.
He can’t deny that he wants this just as much and he won’t pretend any longer. Groaning, he tugs at Atushi’s hair, tilting his head a little more to taste him deeper.
Atsushi makes a low, rumbling sound in the back of his throat, and presses even closer. It strikes Akutagawa how inhuman Atsushi really is. He feels sharp teeth against his lip and the supernatural strength of the tiger holding him up. When he looks at Atsushi he’s faced with slit pupils and the hungry gaze of a predator. Atsushi is what Akutagawa normally hunts and the reminder should stop him, instead, he just wants Atsushi more. He doesn’t want to stop this.
Dipping his head, Atsushi mouths at this neck. It makes Akutagawa shiver, sending a frisson of heat down his spine.
„I want you,“ Atsushi murmurs, voice shaking a little. „Want you so much.“ He grinds his hips against Akutagawa, making them both groan.
Akutagawa is well aware that he should tell Atsushi to stop. He can feel his snow-soaked clothes clinging to his back, cold air filling his lungs with each breath. He shouldn’t want a monster.
But he does.
He wants this so much it makes his chest aches, wants it beyond any reason. So, he grinds back, letting out a shuddering sigh at the delicious friction.
Still, Akutagawa can’t bring himself to speak the words, but Atsushi understands him anyway. A soft bite against his neck, teeth barely scraping over the skin and then Atsushi shifts his weight, loosening his grip just enough that Akutagawa feels the ground underneath his feet.
Briefly, he thinks that Atsushi thought better of it, that he calls this off until they have come to a clear decision. Then, Atsushi slips cold hands past the waistline of his pants. The touch has Akutagawa shivering, and he almost wants to laugh.
At some point, chasing through this forest, they must have lost their minds. This is a terrible idea, and yet, Akutagawa follows Atsushi's example, shoving his pants out of the way until he can get his hand around him. Atsushi growls, deep and rumbling, in his chest, and Akutagawa's heart leaps into his throat.
Atsushi's lips cover his own again, devouring him in a kiss, as he finally wraps a hand around Akutagawa’cock. The cold should be enough to make his erection flag, the feeling of claws skimming over his skin should not excite him. Yet, here he is, arching into Atsushi's touch, trying to gain more friction.
He can't get enough of touching Atsushi, of being touched. He bites back a whimper, throwing his head back as his toes curl in his boots. Heat is collecting in his gut, threatening to spill and -
Atsushi's hand around him is gone.
„You—!“ Akutagawa snarls, desperation obvious in his voice.
It's comforting that Atsushi doesn't look much better. He takes a deep breath, gnawing at his lip. „Do you want to—?“
At first, Akutagawa's hazy mind doesn't catch up. Then Atsushi lifts one of his legs up, sliding Akutagawa’s pants down all the way as he trails his fingers along Akutagawa’s exposed thigh. Akutagawa freezes, swallows around his suddenly dry throat.
He nods.
Atsushi flashes him a grin that's all teeth and hunger and pulls out a small jar. He dips his fingers into the cream, before resuming to touch Akutagawa. When fingers brush against his rim, Akutagawa suddenly remembers how sharp Atsushi's claws are.
His warning shout turns into a gasp when Atsushi sinks two fingers into him. There are no claws to tear him open, and belatedly Akutagawa remembers that Atsushi has some control over it.
He breaths out in relief.
Still, Atsushi is not gentle. His touch is greedy and possessive. Akutagawa loves it more than he cares to admit. So, he cranes his neck, pulling Atsushi close again to kiss him again until he's panting again.
„Hurry,“ he demands, breathlessly clinging to Atsushi. With one leg folded up, his balance is a fragile thing and he doesn't think he can wait any longer. He doesn't want to.
In response, Atsushi pulls his fingers free. The filthy noise is loud in the quiet forest. Then, something bigger presses against Akutagawa, slick and hot. Atsushi groans, dropping his head against Akutagawa's shoulder as he pushes in. For a moment, Akutagawa forgets how to breathe. He lets out a strangled gasp that he can barely recognize as his own.
It's almost too much. The sensation aches, but his stomach tightens with something primal. „Move!“ he orders, as soon as Atsushi is fully inside him. He doesn't want this slow or gentle. He's afraid of what that might do for him. It's easier when he can't feel how much Atsushi cares for him.
Without missing a beat, Atsushi complies and Akutagawa realizes how badly he miscalculated. Atsushi fucks him with desperation, he fucks Akutagawa like he wants to carve this into him. Like he wants Akutagawa to feel the same.
It takes him completely by surprise.
With no leverage of his own, Akutagawa can only hold on, trying to keep his voice down. Every thrust, every rough shift of Atsushi's body against his own, has his cock dragging along the soft fabric of Atsushi's shirt.
It's completely overwhelming. Akutagawa knows he's close, he can feel the way his body tenses up in expectation. But he can't get out the words to tell Atsushi to slow down.
They get stuck in his throat, and all he manages is a choked groan. The next thrust almost lifts him off the floor completely, and suddenly, everything is too much.
Crying out, he claws at Atsushi's shoulder as his orgasm wrecks through his body, leaving him shaking as Atsushi continues to fuck him through it.
Just when it starts to become too much, Atsushi pulls him close, coming deep inside of him. The heat is a sharp contrast to the cold clawing at Akutagawa’s exposed skin.
When Atsushi starts to pull back, Akutagawa clings to him even tighter. He’s not sure that he can look Atsushi in the eye right now. He still feels shaky, and off-balance. His eyes are suspiciously wet and he’s afraid what Atsushi might see in his face.
But Atsushi uses his strength to pry Akutagawa’s hands off of him. When he withdraws, it’s followed by a wet squelch. Still, Atsushi hands are on his hips to steady him, and when their eyes meet, Atsushi’s gaze softens.
He leans in to press a gentle kiss to the corner of Akutagawa’s mouth. “Let’s go home,” he suggests. “We can talk there.”
Akutagawa wants to be angry at him still. He hates deceit and he hates how vulnerable he feels around Atsushi. How vulnerable he wants to be. But he just doesn’t have the energy for any anger right now. His entire body aches and the exhaustion from his run is catching up to him.
“I might need your help,” he admits quietly.
***
Akutagawa wakes up to the familiar sight of Atsushi’s fireplace. He vaguely remembers getting back here, he doesn’t remember falling asleep.
Atsushi is watching him from across the flames. “You’re awake,” he says. “How are you?” He sounds a little guilty and Akutagawa glares at him.
Atsushi didn’t care about hurting him at that moment, and Akutagawa doesn’t want him to start now. He had worse before and he certainly didn’t want any gentle treatment. He ignores the question.
“I won’t stay here,” he tells Atsushi again. In the light of the fire, Atsushi’s eyes glow golden and Akutagawa is not sure if it’s a threat. It doesn’t matter. This is not about what Atsushi wants from him. “I won’t let anyone keep me prisoner.” He was never good with words, but he wills Atsushi to understand. Akutagawa knows what it’s like to be trapped, he never wants to feel like that again.
Then, he sighs, and he can feel all the fight leaving his body. “I will tell my client that Shibusawa was killed by a bear. He might send someone to retrieve the corpse but I don’t think he will.”
Atsushi gaze softens a little. “Will he believe you?”
“I don’t know. He certainly won’t believe me enough to pay me, I think. Not without proof that I killed the beast.” It’s a risk he’s unfortunately willing to take. Without anything tangible, his employer won’t pay him, not with coin nor with influence, but Akutagawa doesn’t have a choice. Not when the alternative is to tell the world about the secret Atsushi keeps.
This trip will have been entirely for nothing, and Akutagawa feels drained. His funds are beginning to run low. He has to leave soon to find another job that keeps him afloat.
“You won’t get paid,” Atsushi catches on quickly. “If you protect me, you won’t get your reward.”
Akutagawa shrugs. “You are pretty good at protecting yourself.” His task was to find Shibusawa’s killer and bring him back to the foreigner. Even if he found Atsushi, he doubts he could drag him anywhere he didn’t want to go. It stings a little to admit it, but without underhanded tactics, he’s no match for whatever Atsushi is.
“What if…” Atsushi stares into the flames, lost in thought. “What if you bring him the bear?”
Startled, Akutagawa looks up. “Where would I find one? They are holed up somewhere at this time of the year.”
Atsushi smiles at him, sharp teeth glinting in the light. “Let’s go hunting.”
***
They set out in the early morning when the sun is just rising behind the trees. The path into the forest is a familiar one, and briefly, Akutagawa thinks he should be scared. This time he is armed with his bow but it hardly gives him an advantage.
It’s a fleeting thought.
Over his shoulder, Atsushi looks back to grin at him. Something feral is flickering in his eyes and Akutagawa wonders how he missed it before.
Atsushi is at home in these woods. He’s a beast caged into the confines of a human body.
And yet, he’s human enough that he cares about Akutagawa, cares about him enough to let him go and risk losing the peace of his little village. They barely know each other after all.
Trust is a fickle little thing, and Akutagawa wonders if he’s stupid to trust Atsushi. If Atsushi is stupid to trust him.
He should know better than to listen to his gut feeling, but here he is, once again in the depths of the forest.
Before his eyes, Atsushi’s human form crumbles, body changing and morphing into something entirely not human. It only takes mere seconds. The tiger is monstrous in its size. Akutagawa has never seen another up close, but he thinks that they are normally smaller. Atsushi’s shoulder comes up past his own.
He turns to Akutagawa and nuzzles his chest, the force almost enough to send him staggering.
“I guess you always hunt like this,” Akutagawa muses, carefully reaching out to scratch the fur behind Atsushi’s ear, as if he was just a normal cat. Against his chest, Atsushi makes a huffing sound so deep in his throat that Akutagawa can feel it vibrating in his bones.
Then, he sinks down to the floor, crouching at Akutagawa’s feet. It takes Akutagawa a moment to realize what Atsushi wants from him.
“....You want me to get on?” he asks, critically eyeing the huge form. Of course, Atsushi could just change back and talk to him as a human, but it seems like the tiger has no intention of doing so.
Atsushi just makes the same huffing noise he did before. It’s probably the best answer he will get.
So, Akutagawa decides to take his chances. He places one hand on the tiger’s back, and when Atushi stays perfectly still, he climbs on top of the tiger’s back. Akutagawa knows how to ride a horse. This is something completely different.
When Atsushi gets back up to his full height, Akutagawa clamps his legs down so he doesn’t fall off. He only keeps a loose grip on the fur underneath his hands, not wanting to accidentally pull too hard.
He ends up clutching to the fur anyways when Atsushi moves. He doesn’t bother going slow either, dashing through the trees at a dizzying speed until he finds the scent he’s looking for.
Or at least, that’s what Akutagawa suspects happened when Atsushi slows down as they draw near a cave that looks no different than the others they have passed. Atsushi crouches down again, and Akutagawa takes the hint to get off.
Atsushi trots a few steps to a tree and then turns back to look expectantly at Akutagawa. It would be easy enough to climb, and it offers an excellent view of the cave entrance. Akutagawa thinks he knows what Atsushi wants from him. When he starts to climb up, he hears a satisfied huff from the tiger before he walks off to the cave entrance.
When Atsushi vanishes from his sight, Akutagawa is perched on the tree, his bow ready.
There’s a long moment of silence, then an angry roar.
Not long after, a bear comes crashing out of the cave, one of its legs is bleeding.
Akutagawa loosens an arrow. The hunt is a full success.
***
When he says his good-byes, Akutagawa finds that he’s not exactly ready. It’s a strange feeling, leaving him weirdly off-center.
He’s not used to staying in one place for long, and much less to actually wanting to stay. He doesn’t tell Atsushi any of this. Despite that, he suspects Atsushi has already seen through him: his good-bye had been nothing but a private smile and a small figure pressed into his hands.
Now, the carved tiger is on a leather cord wrapped around his neck. It feels warm against his skin. It feels like a promise, and Akutagawa smiles softly to himself.
He will see Atsushi again one day.
This is not good-bye.