Chapter Text
'Waiting on your love
I wanna be your lover
What are you waiting for?
I wanna be your lover?'
- Re.Up by Rationale
Chapter 5
Thursday
It was cold.
Very cold.
Lonely.
Nakyum felt like he’s being chased after countless times, running circles in his mind. Nightmares of his traumatic childhood, the fear of rejection festering in his mind - rotting his flesh and bones. The fear of loneliness is evident, as an orphan no one seems to want him - not even his biological parents.
Nakyum is used to the cold, he’s used to shivering and groveling begging for love and attention. Yet, his voice can’t even reach his lips when he pleas for help.
‘ Nakyum .’
Nakyum closed his eyes, the drought deep in his heart. Childhood trauma never seemed to leave him even until adulthood.
‘ Nakyum .’
The face of In-hun shows up walking down the aisle next to his bride, oh how Nakyum loved him. Truly and utterly loved him. But all the wasted years and the wasted feelings lingering for that man. When Nakyum couldn’t even confess his feelings and In-hun will never know about his feelings too. As for Nakyum will take it with him until his grave, he can never be brave for his first love.
‘ Nakyum .’
Nakyum felt like a prey hunted down by his predator. Running. Crying. Begging for help.
“Nakyum!”
A deep commanding voice woke Nakyum up from his hellish nightmare. Nakyum opened his eyes, golden amber eyes filled with worry was the first thing he saw. Then a gentle touch on his forehead and the softest caress on his cheek, Nakyum was treated like a precious porcelain doll. Seungho looking at with concern on his eyes and murmured
“You were having a nightmare, I needed to wake you up.”
Nakyum sat up and shuddered, he never felt vulnerable in front of anyone before. His walls are slowly crumbly away whenever he’s with Seungho - that man always breaks his barriers, constantly and piece-by-piece opening up Nakyum’s heart. Seungho handed him a cup of water and a gentle rubbing motions on his back,
“Seungho, I’m-“
Seungho quickly interrupted him “Nakyum, you don’t have to explain. We all have nightmares.” His rough palms placed over Nakyum’s dainty ones - the reassurance Nakyum needed and craved for. Nakyum nodded and leaned his head on Seungho’s chest. The rubbing motions soothe him back to sleep and the steady heart beat of Seungho lulls him calms him down even more.
Sometimes being vulnerable doesn’t mean to explain what you're going through. Mutual understanding is more than enough to make anyone feel safe.
Seungho makes Nakyum feel safe and vulnerable. Only Seungho.
It was a hectic morning, not only Nakyum felt his entire body aching after their brutal and vigorous sex last night but he’s also late for his morning class. The shirt he wore yesterday was so wrinkled, it wasn’t wearable for work. Nakyum quickly slipped on his jeans and Seungho handed him a cotton black turtleneck, Nakyum raised an eyebrow
“The weather seems to be warm today, do you have another shirt?”
Seungho smirked and leaned on the closet door crossing his arms showing off his chest and biceps, wearing his usual work attire which his black slacks, fitted and crisp white button-down, and a designer belt. Seungho replies
“Have you looked at the mirror Nakyum? Unless you want your students to know you got fucked last night, then be my guest. Pick out whatever shirt you want.”
Nakyum looked at the mirror and blushed so hard - he could be suffering from fever. His neck and collarbones littered with hickeys and bite marks. The bob of his Adam's apple is also filled with marks, he looked like he was ravaged by a beast. Nakyum pouted in the most adorable fashion
“Seungho, are you sure you're human? I looked like I was mauled by a beast!”
Nakyum adorably grumbles as he wears the black turtle neck, it is loose-fitting and falls down at his waist. Nakyum tucks it in his pants and smoothens it out, the manly musk of Seungho’s clothes filled Nakyum’s scenes like a pheromone or drug.
Seungho grins as he circle is arms around Nakyum’s small waist, staring at their reflection in the mirror and nibble seductively on Nakyum’s ear
“I was helplessly dragged along with this little vixen who pretended to be an innocent angel but is actually an insatiable incubus in the sheets.”
Nakyum hitched his breath and tilted his neck, drawing Seungho closer to him “If you keep on doing this, we’ll be late for work.” Seungho gave a cocky smirk and leaned down for a gentle kiss - Nakyum wrapped his slender arms around Seungho’s neck pulling him closer and kissed him back with slow sensual motion. Seungho’s palms trace on Nakyum’s spine, making the smaller man feel tingles as their bodies are pressed even closer. They move backward and their bodies fall down on the bed, tangling their limbs together once more but never breaking the intense kiss.
It was the morning after.
The morning after Nakyum poured his heart out and determined to move on from In-hun. The morning after Seungho realized his feelings towards Nakyum yet still fearing to open up his heart for anyone.
There is no label in their relationship but they’re perfectly fine with this arrangement.
The difference is Nakyum couldn’t come into terms with his feelings towards Seungho yet , as human hearts are fickle and feelings constantly change. There is one thing certain - what Nakyum is feeling right now, he never felt this kind of warmth since he was born.
“Professor Baek! We’re so sorry for the late submission.”
Nakyum turns around as his students run towards him handing their reports with an apologetic grin as Nakyum waves them off, the students quickly scurrying off and heading towards the cafeteria. After the sensual makeout session with Seungho, this morning turned to a quickie causing Nakyum to miss out on his morning classes (and a long scolding from the art department dean) Nakyum had to suffer from overtime today - which means grading countless of reports and proposals. He can feel his stress levels rising already.
“It’s rare to see the art department’s superstar professor be absent from his morning classes.”
The gentle voice that Nakyum memorized with his heart’s content, Nakyum looked up and saw In-hun smiling at him - compassionate and playfulness evident in his glasses framed eyes.
Nakyum blushes in embarrassment “Ah, Professor Jung, I didn’t notice you're here. And no, I’m not the star professor of the art department.”
Jung In-hun laughs lightly, his voice seems to echo in Nakyum’s heart. In-hun reaches forward and ruffles on Nakyum’s hair and replies
“Professor Jung? Jeez Nakyum, I sounded like an old geezer when you call me that. I’ve been telling you for years already, call me In-hun.”
Nakyum smiled and nodded “Fine, In-hun. Is there something you need?”
In-hun nodded and pulled out a sheet of paper from his leather satchel, “Yes, actually I’ve been meaning to ask you since last week,” In-hun tilts the paper and shows the guest list and continues “You haven’t confirmed your attendance for my wedding yet. I wanted to talk to you about it at the bar weeks ago but you didn’t show up when I called.” In-hun sighs and adjusts his glasses on the bridge of his nose.
Nakyum gulps and closes his eyes. There is another rhythm of pain in his chest, ‘ Fuck. I’ve been avoiding this for so long.’ Nakyum thought to himself as he nervously bites his lower lip. In-hun senses Nakyum’s uneasiness and gently pats on Nakyum’s bony shoulder and says in the most gentle manner
“Nakyum, I know that you don’t enjoy crowds or meeting strangers but, I would truly love it if you showed up at my wedding.”
Nakyum looks down on the floor, his avoiding In-hun’s pleading gaze as the taller man continues
“Nakyum, you're like a brother to me. We had the same experiences when we’re young. Being orphans isn’t easy but knowing that I have someone that shares a similar story as I do makes me feel happy. Don’t you want to celebrate with me? This wedding could be the happiest day of my life.”
Nakyum nodded, he wanted this conversation to be over already. He could not stand the painful hammering of his chest, the exhaustion of his feelings, and the first love. He replied in a meek voice
“I’ll go. I’ll be there, In-hun.”
Nakyum looks up and fakes a smile, In-hun’s pleading face blooms into a huge grin as he ruffles on Nakyum’s hair. “I better see you there, wearing a suit and a big smile.” The bell rings indicating for classes to start, In-hun chuckles and waves off a goodbye, and enters his classroom.
Nakyum standing in the middle of the deserted hallway, the words echoing in his mind repeatedly.
‘ Your like a brother to me.’
Nakyum can still feel the raw sting of rejection - the sexual high he felt this morning is all gone. Now filled with a pang of loneliness again,
“He’s truly happy without me.”
Nakyum continues walking towards his classroom, faking a smile, and pretending to be okay. For he perfected his mask after years of suffering from this one-sided love.
“You look like you're walking on cloud nine today.”
Jihwa leans forward on the counter, sipping his iced latte tilting head in curiosity, “Yesterday you look like you could commit homicide, I swear Seungho your mood swings are way worse than a pregnant woman.”
Seungho rolls his eyes and continues preparing the coffee and replies “Not even your stupid mouth can ruin my day, Jihwa. What the fuck are you doing here?”
Jihwa released a fake and dramatic gasp and clutch on his chest in an exaggerated motion
“Rude! I am your best friend, and you dare to insult my presence-“
“We are meeting our wedding client today.”
Mumyeong interrupted Jihwa as he grabbed the freshly brewed coffee from the counter, Seungho gave the taller man a lazy smile. “Mumyeong, if you're not around I could’ve sworn to god I would’ve stabbed Jihwa a minute ago.”
Jihwa gave an offended gasp as Mumyeong replies calmly “Don’t worry, Jihwa and I have health and medical insurance.” Jihwa scrunches his forehead and nose “Seriously, Mumyeong you are the worst.” Mumyeong raised an eyebrow and playfully pats on Jihwa’s right cheek “That’s not what you said to me last night babe, you said my dick is the bes-“
Seungho slammed his palm on the counter and gave the fakest ‘customer-service-smile’ “Have the dirty sex talk out of my cafe and stop annoying me. I was having a perfectly splendid day.”
Mumyeong raises an eyebrow and looks at Jihwa, they’re having the boyfriend telepathy look and a silent conversation which involves the movement of their eyes and raising of their brows. Jihwa said
“Seungho, you looked like something good happened this morning. Let me guess, is it a morning quickie?”
Seungho paused from what he was doing, turned around and replied nonchalantly “Yes, it is and it was the best damn thing in this world. Now the two of you stop bothering me and fuck off.” Seungho resumed preparing the desserts to be displayed.
Jihwa and Mumyeong have been friends (or forced to be labeled as friends) with Seungho since they met him in the gay bar. It was painfully annoying to be friends with a moody Seungho but they tolerate him and somewhat care for him. Seungho was the first one who knew about their relationship and he’s the only one who's consistently cheering (or Seungho’s love language: insulting them.)The strangest thing is, they’ve never seen Seungho have an air of happiness and content ever. It was a strange atmosphere but Jihwa and Mumyeong are genuinely happy for him.
Jihwa stretched his arms and opened his laptop preparing for meeting their client, Seungho approached the couple at the table near the glass window and placed sample pastries on the table. Variety of bite-sized carrot cake, banana cakes, red velvet, the classic chocolate and vanilla cake, and other more flavors requested by the client. Seungho continues arranging the delectable desserts and asked
“Who are we meeting today? The bride or groom?”
Jihwa replies “The groom, it’s actually our first time meeting him after months of planning and preparing for his wedding.” Seungho arranged the sample cakes in order, and asked “That’s odd, aren’t you supposed to meet the bride and groom throughout the wedding planning?” Jihwa responded “The groom is apparently busy working on his book, he’s also a university professor but, here’s the juicy detail,” Jihwa leaned forward using his gossip voice “The groom is getting married to the daughter of the owner of the biggest publishing house in South Korea. I haven’t met the groom yet but I feel like he’s leeching off her for him to publish his book.”
Jihwa giggles, he thrives off in gossiping. Seungho pushes Jihwa off and scoffed in annoyance, he doesn’t give a shit about the groom using his bride as a stepping stone of his career. If their marriage is purely for that reason, then the groom is a greedy bastard. He adjusted the apron tied around his waist, fixing his rolled-up sleeves to show off his forearms, and wondered “Why is he the only one meeting you now? Cake testing is something couples look forward to during wedding preparations.”
Mumyeong placed the wedding cake design samples on the table and replied “If there is one thing the groom is very particular about, it’s his wedding cake. That is also the only thing he requested for the wedding, everything else is based on the bride’s preference.”
As if it was on cue, the perfect timing as the chimes of the cafe opened. Seungho turned around and saw a tall man wearing a light blue button-down, a casual work brown blazer with matching fitted slacks, with a leather sling bag, and donned round-rimmed glasses. His eyes are warm and kind as his lips perked up into a tiny smile. He approached the table and bowed politely towards the group and rubbed his neck sheepishly
“Ah, apologies for being late. I just finished my classes.”
Jihwa gave his signature ‘professional events planner’ smile and replied “No worries Professor Jung, we just finished placing the sample cakes.” Mumyeong nodded curtly, the groom turned around and smiled at Seungho.
“Ah! Are you the patisserie who makes these delicious looking cakes?”
Seungho nodded in affirmation, the groom seems to be harmless. He’s polite, prim, and proper to everyone - he also has the air of professionalism. It's clear that he’s a competent professor. Seungho wonders if this man knows Nakyum since Nakyum works as an art professor at the nearby university.
Jihwa waves his arm casually and says “Ah, Professor Jung this is Yoon Seungho. He’s the owner of this cafe and the one who prepared the sample cakes for today.”
Seungho extended his arm for a handshake, “Hello Professor Jung, I’m Yoon Seungho. I hope you will pick any of these cakes for your special day.”
The other man chuckles and responds with a firm handshake, “Please don’t call me Professor Jung, I sound like an old geezer. Call me In-hun.”
Seungho slowly pulls his hands away as his eyes widen almost in a comical fashion, it was as if the puzzles in his head started to piece together and finally made sense. That name sounded so familiar since he heard it being whispered in his ear last night.
‘ In-hun...’
The sound of Nakyum’s whisper, the name that is filled with so much affection. Seungho was feeling a strong sense of jealousy and possessiveness but he knows that Nakyum doesn’t belong to him. Nakyum isn’t his property but whispering another man’s name after sex just brings so much pain to his chest. The fact that Nakyum wasn’t thinking about Seungho when they did it last night was the root cause of this unshakable feeling. Seungho could not believe it, he’s been trying to reject this feeling but now, he couldn’t.
The question ringing in his mind as this man with a polite smile and glasses entered his cafe, there are so many men in South Korea who has the same name as the groom but Seungho couldn’t help but dwell on this thought,
‘ Is this the same man Nakyum was in love with for two years?’