Chapter Text
“Won’t be much longer before winter, inform Madam we need more coal than last year. Jimin gets cold easily, so we need new blankets, warmer, thicker clothes for him too."
"Understood." The servant bowed his head.
He didn't remember when it exactly started, but Jimin didn't get up as early as before, normally his husband would bathe in the morning, but since the weather changed to the chilly side, he didn't do that anymore. Namjoon got up before Jimin, got out of bed to start his sword practice. The omega would sleep until about seven o'clock, and then his servant Nayoung will wake him up.
Nowadays Jimin didn't have to study as much, although Namjoon's mother kept complaining that he can't let go of a prostitute's manners and always comparing him to his sister-in-law—and Namjoon often had to defend Jimin—he thought the omega has improved enough. The things he didn't like about his husband, he found them so endearing now. Apart from writting and reading, Jimin was often in their room practicing embroidery and sewing, things a typical omega should know. Namjoon didn't know how to resolve the discord between his mother and his husband. The omega clearly should follow the Madam to learn how to handle the servants, how to run the household, but his mother only intended to teach his sister-in-law Hyejung and purposely ignored Jimin. In a way, this also meant she left Jimin alone and didn’t punish him for unnecessary reasons.
Jimin hung out very often with his younger brother-in-law, even the alpha was a little jealous of Taehyung. But Namjoon and Jimin's relationship had gotten better, so he considered that was a progress. The omega returned like he was before his heat, not too indifferent but not too distant. They still got intimate, only when Jimin took the initiative. Namjoon didn't want the omega to feel trapped, like he was forced to, or it was a duty he had to tend to.
Namjoon wanted to have more time to spend with Jimin, but he often had to practice swordsmanship in the morning, he had to attend bookstore discussions* in the city, and often followed his father and Seokjin hyung to the palace. He tried not to let Jimin lacking anything, he even gave Jimin's servant more privilege than others in hope of consoling the omega because the younger didn't often share his thoughts with Namjoon, everything they talk about was only family related. Although the alpha tried very hard to prompt his husband to talk, everytime Jimin just listened to him and didn't reveal anything about himself.
"Hey, Hoseok is coming back soon!"
"Really? How do you even know before me?"
“Yesterday his sister came to visit my mother. Hoseok and his father will return to the capital for a while. I think something big is going to happen, my father and your father, and Seokjin hyung were always summoned by the king, now even Hoseok's father is coming back to receive orders."
"My father wants me to learn more... I just feel sorry that I don't have much time for Jimin..."
"How's things between you and the beauty?"
“Not as bad… His birthday is coming up, his first birthday with me. I'm going to hold a big party, father gave the permission. You know, I think he always distancing himself because of his background and his past, my mother won't be accepting him anytime soon, and I helped fuel the problem... I feel so awful about it. Now that Seokjin hyung has a wife and mom always prioritizes her... It's really upsetling for Jimin."
"If you treat him sincerely, with time and patience, slowly it will get better."
"I hope so, I hope he will open his heart for me."
***
Nayoung pulled his hair back to put on new type of hairpin, which seemed very popular out there right now so his husband had bought it for him. Today was his first official birthday in the general's palace, and his husband was determined to have a big banquet. At first, Jimin didn't want what happened the last time at the welcoming party for Seokjin hyung to happen again so he refused, but his husband kept insisting. In the end, the alpha compromised with a private party with only family and friends, mostly just his, though, Jimin didn't have anybody.
He thought his life was somewhat boring. He hadn't been favored by Madam but he could still go out, of course with bodyguards, but he did not associate with anyone, nor had the need to communicate. When Namjoon wasn't around, he practiced embroidering, if he got too in the mood, he will stealthily look to see if anyone was outside, and closed the door, thought about some melody, then danced a little. Read a little, sleep a little, the day was over.
Everything seemed pointless, but maybe better than what he used to do. Without going out, others will have no excuse to talk about him, and so lessen unnecessary troubles. Though he didn't enjoy this solitude very much.
"This hairpin suits you very well!" Nayoung happily raised the mirror in front of Jimin. "If Jimin hadn't always wanted to keep your hair short, you would have long hair by now and can put on so many more accessories."
"Really." Jimin liked to have his hair short, it will always remind him that this place was not his home.
There was footsteps, and Jimin lifted his head to look towards the door as his husband opened the door.
"Have you finished preparations?" He walked over to Jimin's side.
"All done!" Nayoung cheerfully replied, and Jimin took his husband's hand to stand up.
"You are very beautiful." Namjoon beamed at him. "The most beautiful."
"Are you still not bored looking at me every day?" The omega laughed, and his husband shook his head vigorously.
They walked together to the main house, where everyone was laughing and drinking. As Jimin predicted, Madam wasn't there, she wanted nothing to do with him. His father-in-law was chatting with a few of the elders. He noticed that Seokjin hyung was talking to some unfamiliar faces, were they his friend? Sister-in-law Hyejung had her own group of omegas, the two of them looked... somewhat distant.
"Here is the main character of the party!" Everyone spoke in unison as Namjoon took Jimin out.
For a moment, Jimin suddenly recalled the attention he had at the brothel. There were clients who had celebrated his birthday, and expected something after the party was over. There were too many people, and they were happy to call his name like this, most of them didn't care about him, despite him, even, but as long as he benefited them in some ways. This was not too different.
The omega smiled, he politely bowed and thanked, said a few polite words when everyone came to his side to congratulate him, just out of respect for Jimin's husband. They gave him gifts, enough boxes to fill a table. Namjoon was happy. Jimin still had a hard time thinking about the alpha being sincere with him, but even so, they had to stick together. And Jimin had a habit of paying attention to the words of others to act according to their wishes, and the alpha was kinda his top priority.
"Happy birthday to you." Seokjin approached him after Taehyung moved away.
"Thank you, hyung, I bet your present would be the one I like most."
Seokjin smiled wryly. Their relationship won't be the same as before, but Jimin hoped that Seokjin didn't think about him too much.
"I don't have much chance to talk to Hyejung unnie, but it seems like she is very close with Madam."
"Right," replied Seokjin. "Madam likes her very much."
“That's good, isn't it? She cares very much for you too. And it’s better now. My husband treats me very well.” Jimin smiled.
"Perhaps." His brother-in-law replied.
Namjoon came to talk to them, and the two alphas exchanged for a while, the younger alpha was completely oblivious of what happened between Jimin and his older brother on Seokjin’s wedding day. If he knew, how jealous would he be? It was for the best, Jimin didn't want Namjoon get mad at him again. He knew that his closeness to Taehyung also bothered the alpha.
"Jimin ah, I have prepare a surprise for you!" The younger alpha’s voice pulled him back to reality.
"What’s that? Haven't you given me a lot of presents already?"
“I had a hard time preparing it! And not everyone can prepare this gift." Namjoon took Jimin's hand and turned to the party, "Let's go to the garden!"
Jimin felt bewildered as his husband took him to the main garden of the general palace. Everyone around him seemed even more excited.
“As you knows, today is Jimin's birthday. And a little early but I also want to celebrate the one year anniversary since we are wedded." Namjoon raised his voice. "This would probably not be complete if it weren't for my Father, thank you very much!" The alpha turned to his father to bow his head, and the corners of the General's eyes slightly curled.
What is that about? Jimin was getting impatient, he was really curious.
"Father had to ask a friend from the West to prepare that, even the King doesn't give out this gift often," Jimin's husband whispered to him, fingers dabbing Jimin's cheeks, then he turned to the servants, "Get started!"
Jimin heard a loud bang in the sky, and then dozens, tens of thousands of colorful flowers appeared in the night sky amidst blistering explosions. For the first time in his life he saw such strange thing, the flowers were huge, and they were of all colors like rainbow and they kept getting bigger flower. They were giant. Jimin was so amazed that he could only stand still and watch. The whole world, the whole night sky was covered with sparkling blooms, there were even colors he couldn't name.
Everyone around was in awe, the loud laughters of children, the jealous whistles of the ladies around him, and Namjoon's hands intertwine with his made Jimin feel a little breathlessly, he didn't know how to react. It was impossible to take his eyes off the sky until the blistering noise subsided, and the colors began to fade.
"Do you like it? Westerners call this 'fireworks', isn't it beautiful?" The alpha eagerly asked.
"It's beautiful." Jimin replied, nodding to Namjoon, once a rare honesty. And he didn't say anything either when his husband kissed the back of his palm and grinned stupidly.
Perhaps the alpha was now truly having feelings for him.
But maybe it was just because Jimin was an omega, a beautiful omega, even. Slowly he will get bored, when Jimin's beauty cannot make up for his unpleasant brashness. Maybe the alpha felt love after the two of them were injured in the forest, and that made him feel sorry for what he did to Jimin before.
Actually... maybe Namjoon really did love him right now. If not, all of this would be too laborious, he wouldn't need to be too concerned about Jimin.
Love, love, love. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.
And maybe he will sleep with Namjoon tonight, because he didn't know any other way to repay this.
"Kim Namjoon-ssi!!!" A voice called out in the distance, pushing Jimin out of his thoughts.
“Jung Hoseok-ssi!!! This devil!!!” His husband laughed, letting go of him to walk towards his friend.
“How long has it been? Two years?” That Hoseok guy sounded cheerful, but his name reminded Jimin of an unhappy memory.
“It's been a while! I miss you so much! Have you met Yoongi yet?"
“I just got back and heard that you have a party so I immediately come here! He should be here too, no? I also heard that you got married, who is the lucky omega?!"
Jimin was standing behind his husband, not wanting to disturb the alpha and his friend, but suddenly he was being dragged up front.
"This is my husband, Park Jimin." The alpha happily introduced.
“Park Jimin? Are you... a male omega?" Jung Hoseok couldn't hide his surprise, it was also when Jimin raised his gaze to look at the alpha's face.
His heart sank.
"Jimin, you look familiar, have we met?" The smile on Hoseok's face has stiffened.
"Probably. I used to live in Red Spring house."
"Do you two know each other?" Namjoon asked in confusion as the air between the three of them sagged.
"I... I've met Jimin before." Hoseok looked perplexed. "It's been a while..."
“We are just acquaintances, when Lord Jung's father here had a party at the house. It's been about four years,” Jimin replied with a smile. "Both of us sure have changed a lot."
"Yeah... I almost didn't realize, you look... very mature now." The smile returned to Hoseok's face. “So you are General Kim's omega-in-law? Namjoon, did you treat Jimin well? "
"Very well", Jimin replied before Namjoon had a chance, he leaned towards his husband and rested his head on his shoulder. "My life is a dream."
"That's good to hear..." Hoseok couldn't hide a relieved expression, it made Namjoon somewhat confused. "I never expected we would meet like this again..."
“Right? What a surprise."
"I'm shocked that the two of you know each other, but thinking about it, Hoseok is always the more sociable." Namjoon cheerfully said, but the Jimin's excitement was gone. He felt a knot in his stomach and just wanted to get back to his room.
"Are you not well?" His husband asked after Jimin pretended to cough.
"Cold," he replied, not forgetting to puff his lips a little, so Namjoon worriedly took his hands and started stroking, blowing little puffs, try to make them warmer. He felt sorry that Namjoon had gone out his way to prepare this party and yet he wanted to leave, but the alpha's indulgence spoiled him and now he would want to only do the things he feel like. And right now, he didn't want to stay here to remember bad memories.
"I will go back, you can stay here with..." He casted his eyes to Hoseok, who was still standing near them, talking to somebody, "... your friends." Without waiting for an answer, he signaled Nayoung, and bowed his head to excuse himself.
"Okay— okay ..." Namjoon hesitated before let go of Jimin's hand. "You rest, I'll be back soon."
"Today is Jimin's birthday party, isn't it?" Hoseok asked after the omega was gone.
"Yes... But it was because I wanted to hold a party. He wasn't really interested, I guess."
It was still very early when Jimin returned to his room. Nayoung helped him clean off his make-up, complaining that he had suddenly come back so early, so Jimin told her she can go back to the party. He changed into his sleep clothes and curled up on the bed, trying to bury the bad memories beginning to rekindle.
He thought he had forgotten it. He thought he would never see that person again, who would expect him to be Namjoon's best friend.
He was not someone who was too concerned about the things that had happened, he thought to himself. The proof was that he almost did not bear any resentment towards what happened to him, except of the fact that he is a male omega, which was the roots of all his problems, but he can't evade his fate. He had no power, no position, he had no family and relatives to shelter him, he can only count on himself. Even some female omega cannot have a better life than him, so he shouldn't waste time to bask in his own self-pity. He was alive, he tried to live, tried to keep going, and tried to expect the worst he could think of.
Jimin fell asleep. When he opened his eyes, Namjoon was by his side. It was pretty late, he supposed, for the alpha was sleeping. He lay there watching his husband's chest rise and fall, felt a terrible loneliness in his heart. He was alone. Nobody was really by his side. He cannot rely on anyone.
Jimin gently pushed the blanket off, with barefoot he stepped to the ground and opened the door to go out. The ground was cold, made he think about when he was a child and was always running around barefoot. His family was poor, but at that time he didn't need to know about the concept of money. He would hang out with the neighbors' children until his father returned from work, oh, there were days when his father brought him to work together because his mother was not very happy, how he missed those days. She did housework and usually didn't want him around, always chased him away. Jimin didn't have even one single pleasant memory of his mother, but his father made up for it.
If he has a child with Namjoon later on, would he also treat the baby like that? He had always thought of giving birth to the alpha's children as an obligation he definitely has to fulfill, but he himself didn't really feel like he wants to have children. It was said that an omega's instinct is to nurture the next generation, but why hadn't his mother ever felt anything for him? What if he will hate his child too?
The servants had cleaned up the party's remnants, Jimin guessed it was way past midnight now. Very quiet around. He wasn't wearing his shoes, and his footsteps barely made a sound. The night sky a deep dark navy blue, sparkling with starlight, and the incomplete moon hiding behind gray clouds. He walked to his favorite bench and sat down, overlooking the small lake. Around him were only the sound of insects and he could see the faint sparkle shining over tiny waves.
What should he think? He didn't want to think about anything. Tonight was good, pleasant enough, happy, even. He just wanted to be able to live peacefully. To be able to forget the unhappy things in his previous life.
It was cold, and he didn't put on a robe, he realized he was still wearing only the thin sleeping clothes.
Jimin didn't know how long he sat there. He felt his body slowly freezing, even his fingers couldn't move—or he didn't want to move—he wasn't sure. He just sat there very still. In his heart there was a desire, to be... gone. Gone from this world. To simply stop existing. He wanted... something different. He didn't know what should be different. Nothing could change.
"Jimin...!"
He startled when someone called his name, and Namjoon frantically running to his side.
"What's going on? Why are you sitting here?" The alpha seemed to have been looking for him for a while, he too, was wearing only his sleeping clothes.
"Want... to be alon... ne... a little..." He replied, the cold had made his voice more broken and fragmented.
Namjoon knelt beside him and grabbed his frozen hands, “Why are you suddenly…? Your hands are so cold, they're all red…” Then his eyes slid down to his feet. “Where are your shoes? The ground is so gelid!” The alpha picked up Jimin's feet and started to wipe at them.
Jimin stayed silent, even his emotion was stiff, his cheeks were too icy.
"Let's go back... okay?" His husband looked up, and Jimin nodded.
Namjoon pulled Jimin's hands and tried to slip them into the sleeves, and then easily picked him up in a swift motion. Jimin widened his eyes as he watched his husband run to their room, even sneezed twice on the way back.
After his husband sat Jimin on the bed, he motioned for the servant to prepare hot water, while wrapping the omega from head to toe with two blankets, only reveal his face.
"When did you wake up?" Jimin asked when his body slowly starting to get warmer.
"I startled awake and you weren't there so I went to look for you."
"Why not just ask the servants to fetch me."
“I thought I must find you first. I don't know. You seemed off, I was afraid that you would want... to leave or something. If I can't find you I will probably come back and wake everyone up. Fortunately you were just sitting in the garden."
Where can I even go? Jimin wanted to say, but the servant entered the room and Namjoon instructed them to put the water basin under the omega's feet before showing them out.
“It's fine to let the servant do it. You're a young master, you don't have to." Jimin said as Namjoon—very gently—lifted his feet and placed them in the water.
"I want to do this for my husband." Namjoon replied while still lowering his head. He was clumsy, never had to do anything for anyone, but in that moment he was very serious in scrubing Jimin's feet.
Was it because of the warm water, or was it because Jimin also felt a little fond of the person in front of him?
“Why did you...? It's late, and it's cold. You shouldn't be out in the garden alone.”
"I said I just wanted to be by myself for a while." Jimin answered, tapped on his husband's shoulder, "I'm warm enough, my feet are clean too, you can stop."
“Is something wrong? Did I do something wrong again?" Namjoon finally looked up at him, he sounded... pitiful, it made Jimin feel bad.
"No. You didn't." The omega reassured his husband, then, as the only way he knew, leaned in to kiss Namjoon. The alpha paused slightly, but relaxed again and returned his kiss, gently lifting his legs to push him onto the bed.
"Wait... a little..." Namjoon paused, using his sleeves to dry off Jimin's feet. "That way you won't get cold."
Jimin chuckled. "But now your shirt is wet." The alpha blushed, and too quickly their lips met again. Jimin found an opportunity to slide his hand inside Namjoon's pants, but the older stopped him.
"You don't have to do that, let's go to sleep... let's just... sleep." He said, and he pulled the blanket over both of them, embraced Jimin a little tighter.
"Don't we turn off the candles?"
"I'm too comfortable to stand up. Wouldn't hurt to leave it."
Jimin was lazy, and so he too he didn't move. This is much better than before, he told himself as he curled up in his husband's arms.