Chapter Text
Their time together is coming to an end. This is a fact, an objective observation, an unavoidable conclusion.
A fact he can feel deep in his bones.
“When will you stop waiting, Levi?” ‘When will you move on?’
Levi’s hold tightens on Mikasa. If Mikasa notices it, his desperation, she doesn’t comment, doesn’t complain. Instead, she snuggles closer to him, her lips brushing the skin between his eyebrows.
He knows she feels it too.
Their time together is coming to an end, and Levi is not sure if he’s ready to let her go.
“I think I understand now. I understand why I’m here.”
Unbidden, her words, spoken only to herself and ignored by him in the moment, now flit across his mind. So, curious, he asks her what she’d meant, those words spoken in the heat of the moment, over a week ago, in an old friend’s place.
Mikasa stares up at the ceiling. He could see the gears in her mind turning, forming the proper words conveying her innermost thoughts. When she meets his gaze, Levi braces himself. “We’re getting the ending we needed,” she finally says, softly. “Not what we want, because we can’t have that anymore. Not anymore.”
Spoken like a fact, an objective observation.
It doesn’t make it hurt any less.
Mikasa continues, voice like the ephemeral breeze on the rolling seas, “I think I’m here because we both want to see each other again. One last time, before we move on and close this chapter in our lives.” Licking her lips, Mikasa says, voice like the fluttering petals of cherry blossom trees,
“I am here to tell you goodbye, and for you to say goodbye to me. Closure, for the both of us. …Our last goodbyes.”
Spoken like a fact, an inevitable outcome. It doesn't make it hurt any less.
Somewhere deep in his heart, Levi acknowledges what Mikasa is saying, understands what she is saying and what she is not. That this is no coincidence, that this is the world being kind in its own, twisted way and giving them their second chance they never got. Not the second chance they yearned for, but the second chance they needed to carry on and move forward.
“Promise me something Levi. After everything… regardless of who lives or who dies, we continue to fight. No. Not fight. Not survive. We’ll continue to live. We won’t wait on anyone. Not humanity. Not the dead. Not even our loved ones. We’ll move forward and live for ourselves.”
Six years he wandered through life listlessly, lingering and holding on to regrets. Regrets he’d never carried in war— only after, in the ruins of war, as the dust settled around him in the emptiness it left behind. Only after, when he no longer had the excuse of carrying the burden of humanity on his shoulders. Only after, when the buried, long-forgotten regrets resurfaced and haunted his every waking thought and dreams.
‘Humanity’s strongest soldier, huh? And yet, he couldn’t even save the ones he loves.’
This is his chance to tell Mikasa— his Mikasa, the Mikasa who is dead, the Mikasa who exists only in his memories; this Mikasa, the Mikasa who lies next to him, the Mikasa who lived six years without him just as he lived six years without her— goodbye.
This is the chance for them to say the goodbyes they never got to say. This is the chance for them to get their final closure and move on and live.
This is a fact, an inevitable outcome, and it does not make it hurt any less.
Levi wraps his arms around her, pulling her close. The voice in his brain and a heart weighed down by his shortcomings and regrets rebel angrily. He wants her to stay. He does not want to let go. He wants her to stay.
But the fact of the matter remains: Mikasa— this Mikasa in his arms and the Mikasa in his dreams— is in his past. Despite the memories, despite his eternal love, she is now and will always be his past because she is dead.
Death, the finality of life, life’s last goodbye.
And even if the Mikasa in his arms is alive, is here in his arms, still breathing and alive, she is not his.
Not anymore. Not like she used to be.
(He is no longer the only one in her heart. Not anymore, not like how he had been, before)
This is a fact, an unavoidable conclusion.
(Though, it doesn’t make it hurt any less)
And so, the cold, authoritative, logical voice in his mind instructs him— focus on the present. The present and only the present matters.
Focus on the present, Levi. Not the could'ves, would'ves,and should'ves.
The present and only the present matters.
And yet…
“Do you think there’s a universe out there?” Mikasa asks softly, burying her face at the crook of his neck. Like fluttering petals in the gentle breeze, he can feel her soft lips move against his skin. “A universe where we’re both happy? A universe where the both of us are free to love each other and raise a family of our own?”
For a second, Levi allows himself to linger and remember, imagining, heart yearning. Levi remembers all the times he woke up from impossible dreams, the feeling of a warm house, a family, a loving wife, waking up to kisses and hot, bitter tea in the morning, playing with two cheeky but smart dark-haired children with grey-blue eyes lingering in his mind before the cold weight of reality set in.
Maybe— just maybe— those weren’t just dreams.
“Perhaps, yes. I think so,” Levi murmurs his answer on her skin. “Maybe, for once, the universe had been kind to the both of us.” Their eyes connect.
‘Maybe for once, in a different path where the universe is kinder, we live and love and move forward. Together.’
It’s a shame that this is the reality he survived in, that this is what the world gave him in return for his sufferings, that this is the lonely path he has to take.
It’s a shame that this is the path he and Mikasa both have to take alone, without the other.
“Sing me a song, Levi,” Mikasa quietly requests in the silence.
Taken aback at the sudden request, he blinks at her, momentarily dumbfounded. “What?”
A ghost of a smile flickers on Mikasa’s face. “Sing me a song, Levi,” she repeats, wrapping her arms around his neck. “One last song, before the end.”
Levi licks his lips, forces himself to swallow past the lump in his throat. He clicks his tongue reprovingly, keeping his face passive. “Tch.” Then, he leans forward and tells her, whispering, “Only if you sing with me, brat.”
Mikasa chuckles, shaking her head with a soft, melancholy little smile. “Alright, old man.” She presses her forehead against his, and they stare into each other’s eyes, sharing a soft, intimate smile. “Only for you.”
Opening their mouths, Levi’s voice blends with Mikasa’s in a beautiful harmony, melody flowing off their lips like they’d practised it for years. Neither overpower the other and instead, their voices meld as one in one simple melody. Two broken but healing voices, singing their song.
Then, finally, their last notes linger in the air, bouncing slightly off the walls in a muted echo, the end to their impromptu performance.
Between them, a small space sets them apart, but their hearts beat as one.
Some words needed to be spoken. Some pleas needed to be heard.
And so, before he can change his mind, Levi tugs her closer to him until the space between them disappears, wrapping his arms around her waist. Leaning in, lips brushing the shell of her ear, Levi tells Mikasa the words he never really got to tell her aloud.
He looks at her, expecting, waiting with bated breath.
Then— then, Mikasa smiles brilliantly like the morning sun, lovingly tracing her hands over his cheeks, scars, nose, lips, chin, and says them back.
.
.
Levi wakes up to an empty bed the next morning. He thinks it might have all been a dream, but then he catches her citrus scent lingering in the air, sees the rumple of sheets by his side, the sketch of two children on his bedside drawers, and he knows that it hadn’t been.
That had been real. As real as he is, as real as his love for Mikasa, as real as the love he has for two kids he never and would never get to meet except, perhaps, in his dreams. That had been real.
Levi glances out the window, to the lightening blue skies and sun shyly peeking out over the horizon. The tentative light of morning, the start of a new day.
Bright and beautiful and new.
“When will you stop waiting, Levi? When will you shed your regrets?”
‘When will you move on?’
“Idiot brat,” he says to the smiling image in his mind’s eye. “I’ll never stop waiting for you.”
‘But,’ he tacks on as a silent caveat, a silent promise, ‘I’ll move on and move forward. I’ll move on and live for myself.’
The sun bursts out from its cage over the horizon and onto the new morning sky, sending brilliant streaks of orange, yellow, pink, and blue across the endless canvas.
(Her smile reflects in the new day’s light.)
“Sing me a song, Levi. One last song, before the end.”
Closing his eyes, the warm sun’s rays washing over his skin, Levi takes a deep breath, opens his mouth, and sings.
What is it I’ve fought for? What is it I now live for?
Is it peace I protect? Is it liberty I desire?
Or is it freedom, freedom, my fighting freedom?
Yet for me I know my answer, my simple answer
And my simple answer had always been you
You who I’d fight for, for whom I would wait for
You who made my burden lighter
Like the breeze that flits over the deep blue sea
You’ve become another essential part of me
Carry on, move forward, you said
But I will fight ‘til the end of time
Just to see you once again
He thinks, maybe… just maybe— somewhere up there, amongst the stars hidden in the edges of the sky the new day’s light has yet to touch, Mikasa’s listening and singing with him too.
Now sing me a song, my love
My beautiful, endless love
A tribute to our everlasting passion, torn asunder
Sing to me a song, my love
My beautiful, eternal love
A song of our fighting freedom