Chapter Text
“ Life is a waterfall
We're one in the river
And one again after the fall
Swimming through the void
We hear the word
We lose ourselves
But we find it all?
'Cause we are the ones that want to play
Always want to go
But you never want to stay
And we are the ones that want to choose
Always want to play
But you never want to lose”
“Aerials”, System of a Down
Viktor wakes with a start in the night. V isn’t in bed, the covers are tossed back and her side is still warm. The bathroom light is on. For a moment there is a panic inducing silence. His feet hit the floor before he can think. Coughing, violent and wet echoes in empty space. Throwing open the door, he finds her sitting with her back against the tub. She’s still in one of his old t-shirts, legs bare. Blood stains her lips.
“Hey baby.” She offers him a weak smile, “Didn’t want to wake you,” There is a quiver in her voice as she speaks. Green eyes are glassy, unfocused. Viktor sits down on the cold tile floor with her. It takes more strength than he realized he possessed to just let their silence linger. Oh does it linger. V has told him, told him she is so close to figuring this all out. That the next few days are going to be rough, but that everything is going to be sorted. What he doesn’t say is that the symptoms might just catch up before they get the chance. Neither of them point out she’s gone partially deaf in one ear or that she has entirely lost her peripheral vision. They don’t talk about the fact that she has lost all sensation in her hands from the neural degradation or that she talks out loud to Johnny. They don’t say it because it makes things that much worse. It would make things real. Because if she isn’t successful, if this doesn’t work, V wants these moments to be beautiful. Honesty, he had asked for honesty. Now it just feels like a slap to the face.
“Well the bed got cold,” He pulls her against his shoulder. Soft curls tickle his cheek and she laughs softly. Her fingers wrap around his forearm. Despite everything the nails are still perfectly manicured.
“I am going to meet with Hanako Arasaka tomorrow,” She is quiet and the mood is somber, “I’ll be making a decision about what to do after that. Once all my options are on the table,” V wipes her mouth and presses a kiss to the temple. She stands, legs waver unsteadily. Viktor helps her back to bed and holds her a little tighter. Takes in her warmth, her scent, and commits it memory.
---
Hanako reminds V of her sister. There is a quiet arrogance that tells her all she needs to know. That she is a player just like Yorinobu, just smarter. Holy fuck V might be dying, but she has never been a sell out. Those lines she is being fed are straight out of a corporate textbook. There is a stinging in her chest as she stands and downs the ridiculously expensive shot of vodka next to her. V looks Hanako in the eyes.
“I suggest you take a vacation from Arasaka tower for the next week or so,” The Arasaka heir looks at her curiously. V knows she doesn’t understand, it is unfathomable that someone might refuse an offer from the world’s most powerful woman. Head cocked to the side, Hanako looks like a snake poised to strike. V leans in close, so that her lips brush the other woman’s ear. The guards get real tense, hands falling to their sidearms. “Because whatever happens next, you want to be as far away from it as possible.” V staggers away, head screaming. Once in the elevator she feels Johnny starting to take over. For that she is eternally thankful. He slams the button and V doesn’t even bother fighting.
“I got you,” He murmurs as the light fades behind her eyes.
There are a few moments in V’s life that run on repeat. Falling in love for the first time, and having it broken a few days later. Atlanta and it’s slow lifestyle and unyielding heat. Jackie Welles pointing a gun at her head. Mama Welles being a mother to her. Dexter Deshawn’s cigar smoke and glittering necklaces. Jackie kissing her for the first time, the smell of his cologne, and his hands on bare flesh. Falling through the top of Arasaka, and fighting like hell to survive. The fading light in Jackie’s eyes and then her own life being snuffed out. V remembers those things. They run over and over in her head like a broken record. Those moments though, were steps on a path. That path has been nothing but pain and sacrifice over and over again. It is exhausting. Yet there are the little stops along the way, people who have waved her down. Judy in all of her nihilistic optimism. Panam’s warmth and rage. Misty’s quiet stability and unrepentant destiny. Takemura’s honor and sense of duty. Kerry’s melancholy and friendship. Rogue’s determination and defiance. Viktor’s love and devotion. All those people have shaped her, reformed her into something better. V could die happy knowing that they are still alive, happy. The journey isn’t finished though, no she’s got miles to go before she can rest.
---
Viktor hears the gate slam open. V is standing there, blood leaking from her nose and mouth. Misty is holding her up, baring most of the weight. The patient on Viktor’s table blinks in surprise. It’s not her, Viktor realizes. That is not V controlling the body. It’s in the pinched brows and burning eyes. Johnny Silverhand is riding that body, the woman he loves, into the clinic.
“You might want to delta,” Johnny says to the patient in the chair and the wise man follows the instruction. Misty helps them forward into the room. Viktor is running and picking V up before he can really think. A quick scan tells him all he needs to know. Her body, her mind, is at the end of its leash. The final tipping point. Several core functions are overloading. It is just too much for the brain to handle.
“What happened?” Viktor jacks into her biomon. Synapses are firing, but there is a large portion of her body that just isn’t responding.
“Seizure. Had to use what little energy she had left in the tank to get her here. V doesn’t have a whole lot of time left,” It is a fair assessment. Johnny might have been the one speaking, but it is her voice. It sets off a whole lot of ugly feelings. The man wearing her skin looks at him and nods his head, like he came to a decision. Administering a sedative, Viktor leans forward and kisses her brow. Johnny closes those eyes, but says one final thing. “Set her fucking straight, one last time. Cause she is gonna get herself fucking killed.” The arm wrapped around his shoulder falls limp.
---
They fight and it is possibly the worst spat they’ve ever gotten into. Her own voice sounds foreign in her head as she shouts. V is barely able to sit up, but she’s brimming with mental clarity. Viktor is in front of her, begging for this to end. Misty is standing in the corner and listening. Standing is a Sisyphean task that is getting rather old. It should not be hard to simply stand. Every muscle aches. The world spins and flashes vibrant shades of neon blues and pinks. Viktor’s back is to her, a hand covers his mouth. Those little moments are on replay again. Those little flashes of life bounce around. Grabbing the pills and the gun, she walks over to Viktor. Taking his chin and turning his head, she places a firm kiss to his mouth. There are tears gathering in both of their eyes as she pulls away.
“I’ll be back soon,” She tells him and smooths the furrow between his brow, “Got promises to keep and people to get home to.” The walk out of the clinic feels like a funeral march. Misty is holding her hand; V holds it tight, let’s out a sob. Johnny is following, but it doesn’t seem like he has much to add. What a tragedy they are. She is a walking corpse and he is an engram locked away within arms reach of living. What a cruel twist of fate. There is no perfect option to get out of this alive and well, not for both of them.
The roof is a special place. A quiet place. V didn’t realize that Jackie had come here too. Didn’t realize his presence could be felt even without him being there. Misty sits next to her, the plastic lawn chairs feel like a throne. V lights a cigarette, breathes in the smoke. The harsh bite of menthol sits heavy on her tongue. Night City is laid out bare; the neon lights are blinding and chrome sounds echo like drums in the early evening. What comes next is like taking a cyanide pill or burning alive. There are no great options. Not everyone will walk out unscathed. V sets the pistol down next to her, giving herself a moment to just look at it. This city has been a home for almost three decades. It could very well be a place of rest soon.
“I’ll leave you be,” Misty says and stands. It takes a moment to process what she’s saying. Catching her hand, V looks up at her. Stares into those eyes. Eyes that have met her own a thousand times star back.
“If somethin’ happens, you take care of him. Do you understand me?” Her lower lip quivers. Misty bends and presses a kiss to her cheek, their own little tradition. She smells of sandalwood and bergamot from the incense in the shop.
“Nothing is gonna happen,” She tells her, “You’re going to come home to us in one piece,” For some reason it seems like Misty might be wrong this time.
Johnny is restless while waiting for her to finish the smoke in hand. V doesn’t see a point in rushing that. Could very well be their last one.
“Hey Johnny,” She says and leans forward, “If you could have said goodbye to Alt...to Kerry...to Rogue would you have?” V asks. He takes off his shades and sets them down on the concrete. His eyes are soft and sad as he looks at her.
“Difference between you and me is that you know you’re going to die if this doesn’t work. At the time, I never thought to say goodbye. Was on top of the world and nothing was going to bring me down,” Johnny speaks. V looks at him for a moment. He’s frozen in time, not much older than her. Perhaps that’s why he never seemed like a legend, just a man. Together they have fallen, been broken, and put their lives back together. Unlikely friends, but friends nonetheless. In the last few weeks she has lived more than ever before. That is in part thanks to him.
“When we get to the other side,” She says, “Promise me one thing. If I can’t safely take over my body again. You’ll take it and live,” He comes to stand before her, hands cupping her cheeks. It’s a lie. A lie a dying brain tells to a desperate body. That the two are touching, comforting one another.
“No promises kid,” He tells her, “Just make your decision and go from there.”
---
The Aldecaldos are carrying the weight of her demise on their shoulders. V feels so at home with them that guilt of what is to come has already hung over her shoulders. Saul is watching over her as she hides from the rest of the family. Tucked away in the tent, he holds her hair back as she retches up blood. The two of them haven’t always gotten on, but she is determined to make him see her as an ally and family. He seems to understand that she wants what little of her remains of her dignity to stay intact. He braces her back up against his chest, and just lets the waves of nausea come and go.
“Thank you,” She murmurs and wipes the blood from her chin. Saul snorts and smooths back the mess of hair. That would be the Aldecaldo brand of comfort, even amongst uncertainty.
“You have someone waiting for you, right?” He says and there is gentle tugging as her hair is pulled up into a tight bun. It feels good just to be taken care of.
“Yes, I do. Though he isn’t over the moon with me at the moment. The last few days have been less than preem.” It has been blood and pain, with a side of rage. Saul laughs and just breathes with her. The two of them stay silent for a few moments. Everything is shaking, from the tips of her toes to her wobbly head.
“Well I expect he understands that you’re in a tight spot right now. I know that if I was in his shoes, I’d be expecting that you’d be walking back into my life. You understand?” He tells her. V chuckles and stands on shaking legs. How she is going to manage the fight of their life is beyond her at the moment. But she is a fighter, and always will be. Turning, she pats his cheek. The lines of a hard life crease his face, but they do not detract from the kindness of those eyes or smile tugging at the lips.
“Thank you Saul,” She tells him, “For allowing me this, and allowing me to be a part of this family. It means the world.” He lightly punches her shoulder and waves her out of the tent.
“C’mon a little beer will settle that stomach and get you ready to face whatever comes tomorrow.”
In no way were they ready. Ready to face all of this. V is hanging on by a thread when Adam Smasher caves Sauls head in. Something inside her, that little bit of Johnny that lays etched into her soul flares with rage. She is letting out a battle cry and is on her feet before she can think. It’s a bloody, messy fight. Both Smasher and herself are little more than barely standing skeletons by the end of it. V leans in real close and studies his face for a moment; more machine than man, whoever he might have been is gone.
“I remember you well. Told Johnny you’d kill him in another life. Well he is right here. Locked away at the moment but still present,” She says and watches those eyes dance over her face, “Well he sends his regards. Rot in hell you piece of shit!” She pulls the trigger, the recoil feels like a thousand pounds in her hand. Panam is just as angry as V is. Wrapping an arm around her waist, Panam is dragging them to the finish line. Mikoshi looms like a beacon ahead of them. As she jacks in, V looks to her friend one last time. Taking in the worried lines of her face. Death isn’t frightening or daunting, no she embraces it with open arms. This isn’t the end, just a different beginning.
Johnny greets her with open arms, they embrace as old friends. Even in a place like Mikoshi, he feels so very real. For the first time she wonders what he sees when he looks at her. Does he see her or a version of himself staring back at him. They are so tangled, like twisting vines creeping up crumbling walls. Flowers are rare where they come from, but she sees him in the ivy that refused to die on her megabuilding. They’ve been separated from one another, she can feel it in her bones. V is dead and all that remains of her is a copy held in the hands of Alt. It is an odd thing to ponder.
“Go live your life kiddo,” Johnny tells her and grabs the side of her face. V touches him for a moment, letting her fingers trace the edge of his jaw. That is a memory that will stay. The feeling of his stubble and soft smile on his lips.
“Once I return you to your body, the nanotech will start to repair your damaged brain cells,” Alt speaks and it feels like the hammer of god is about to fall down upon them, “You will remain unconscious for an undetermined amount of time while your body heals. Once the engram has successfully taken hold, it will be like none of this ever happened. You will be you, and you alone.” It is of little comfort to know that she will survive. A part of her just wishes to stay. As V lays back into the well, she takes Johnny’s hand.
“I’ll talk to Kerry and Rogue,” She says quickly, “And I will play Samurai at my goddamn wedding and funeral. Someday when it is my time to go, I’ll see you on the other side.” Johnny just smiles as everything narrows to a singular point of light.
---
The woman, Panam, deposits V into his arms. They both are filthy, covered in blood and dirt. For some reason V is soaking wet. Yet the nomad smiles like she has won the lottery. Viktor looks down and sees that V is breathing, her chest rises and falls. There is a soft smile on her lips.
“She fought like hell to get back here, you know?” Panam is looking at him with a knowing expression and a softness that Viktor isn’t sure he deserves. There is a tight jacket with the Aldecaldo’s symbol wrapped around V’s shoulders. Panam helps him place V into bed and strip the clothes off her, taking the time to fold each piece. A blanket is pulled over a bare body.
“Will she-” His voice breaks as he tries to speak. So far he has been unwilling to scan her, to see the damage. Panam wraps a hand around his wrist and smiles big and bright.
“The AI told me her body will need time to heal. Right now there are micro-processes going on. But she will be fine, just needs to rest.” This nomad woman carries the optimism he cannot bring himself to have, “Let me say this now. You and her are welcome amongst our people anytime. She is family to me, by extension so are you. If you guys need a break from the big city. Let me know. A vacation might do you some good.” Panam pats his shoulder and heads for the door. Viktor doesn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. V kept her word. Now all that’s left is a waiting game.
---
Mama Welles cuffs V on the back of her head. Viktor sits tall and silent. The two of them are being lectured at something fierce. To her credit, Mama Welles is trying her best not to cry and so is V.
“Are you crazy mija?” She tsks at V. This is all being done at the dinner table, enchiladas steam a mere arm’s length away. V takes the woman’s hand, she isn’t one hundred percent yet so she has to turn her entire body to see properly. Misty is there too, watching on with some amusement. Whatever issues she and Mama Welles had are long buried.
“It is just for a little while mama,” V tells her, “I cannot stay in this city right now. Plus what other chance am I gonna get, a girl from Heywood, to see the New USA in full. We will write and call.” She pats the other woman’s hand and turns back to the food that is being served on her plate.
“You better,” Mama Welles instructs and puts down a healthy portion of rice, “I am not attending a second funeral. Do you understand me. While you are with those Aldecaldos you remember where you came from. You come home to me.” Well if Mama wills it into being, it will be so. Viktor leans over and presses a kiss to V’s temple. They couldn’t leave Night City without a proper send off and dinner. That would be inexcusable.
“Don’t worry Mama Welles, I’ll get her back to you in one piece.” Viktor assures her and takes a bite of the food. It’s spicy, almost painfully so. V and Misty are eating it no problem. So he takes a moment to be thankful for them, for this. That they have this opportunity at all is still hard to wrap his mind around. But god is he thankful.
----
They stop in Colorado on their tour of the US. It’s a little nothing town that they camp outside of. Out in the country the stars are so bright and the air is clean. Cacti and coyotes are the only things within miles of the camp. Viktor appreciates the quiet and the silence. Turns out that Nomads need good ripperdocs just as much as city folk. They need good mercs too. V fits in with the Aldecaldos. They hold together, an unbreakable unit. Every night he goes to sleep knowing exactly where he’ll be come morning and that she will be right beside him. It takes time, but she learns how to sleep through the night too. Gone are the days of chasing glory and reputation. It does wonders for both of their health. V is covered in freckles and her hair is wild most days; She wears more t-shirts than bulletproof vests . Viktor wears his scrubs, the same as in Night City. Though these days they see far less blood than back home. It is a perfect and relatively quiet life.
Viktor wakes in the night to soft lips moving against his neck. Hands are tracing along his hip and legs are tangled with his own. That is one thing that has taken a while to get used to. Waking next to a woman who wants him everyday of his life.
“You aim to wake the camp?” He tangles a hand in her hair. Lips curl into a smile against the column of his neck. A hand raises to gesture to the concrete building they’re set up in. A rare bout of privacy.
“I am aiming for a bit of fun before my mission today,” She moans as he pulls her head back and kisses her lips. Her hand slips into his pants and wraps around his cock. Viktor bites her lip harshly. With a shove to the shoulder, he finds himself looking up at her. The angle is magnificent. Without much preamble she slides onto him, the breath punching out of her chest. V rolls her hips slow and unhurried, eyes on his. They don’t have to be frantic anymore. Together they have learned how to slow down and appreciate the moments like this. Viktor places a hand between her breasts and slides it up until he reaches her throat. Gently he pulls her down for another kiss, the metal bars through her nipples are dragging against his chest. It is the smell of her skin and her voice in his ear whispering filthy things that sends him over the edge moments after her. V lays on his chest, her hand tracing senseless patterns against the skin. The quiet life has done them good.
---
The Coyote is packed with familiar faces. Never Fade Away plays low in the background. Mama Welles is smiling as V slips into the dress. All of the Aldecaldos, half of Heywood, half of Watson, and old friends are packed into the bar. Kerry is there, Rogue too. Surprisingly the two of them make quite the odd friends.
“You look beautiful,” Mama Welles tells her and finishes straightening out the small train. V feels a bit like an exotic bird, but this isn’t for her. No, this is for everyone who had placed their bets. Judy was the winner at three years on the dot. She even ventured her way back to the city proper for this. V tries not to be offended that a wedding is what it took to see her face again.
“It’s all a formality,” V huffs as the laces are tightened. Glancing over her shoulder, she looks at the picture of Jackie on the wall. Oh that is an ache that has yet to fade. Closing her eyes she says a quiet thank you to him, for everything. Even if he isn’t here right now, she can still feel him in the space.
“Weddings, like funerals, are for the guests. It is a time to celebrate, drink, and remember.” Mama Welles clutches her cheeks. Misty is sitting on a nearby couch, eyes full of mirth. Viktor and V fought over who got to have her in their wedding party. In the end he had won. Judy and Kerry were hers, for better or for worse. Kerry plops a shot glass into her hand and fills it to the brim. V’s stomach churns. The bachelorette party had been more than she had been anticipating. Judy wraps an arm around her shoulders and grins like the devil.
“Bottoms up babe,” She laughs as V knocks back the shot. Misty comes over and the two of them share a glance.
“I’m gonna go check on Vik before he rattles out of his bones,” Misty says and V cracks a smile. Whatever the future holds, damn will it be beautiful. Everything, every bit of agony and pain, brought her here. With these people. So let them celebrate, V thinks, and tips her chin up.