Chapter Text
It’s been a week.
It’s been a week since he confessed –more like apologized and asked for another chance but hey, he sorely admitted his feelings so that counts as confessing. It’s the thought that matters or so Dazai thinks.
To be more perplexed; It’s been a week. The feelings rummaging inside of him were relentless and he often finds himself in deep thought while gazing at nothing.
He hasn’t heard from Chuuya since and it’s driving him crazy.
Now don’t get him wrong, he’s not that desperate for an answer –it’s only been a week after all; but that’s not what concerns him. His concerns lie on never getting an answer or any sort of acknowledgement. What if he has to wait for gosh knows how long only to get the gist of the fact that Chuuya decided he’s not worth giving a chance? It’ll set Dazai to his rightful place, that’s for sure.
It’s what he deserves, he knows, but he can be stubborn when he needs to be.
Walking towards the Agency was such a drag. He loves his work, he really does. Plus he’s very thankful for the Gods giving him another opportunity to change; however, he can’t really focus on anything else aside from Chuuya right now. Dazai has to admit, he’s always been a mess when it regards to Chuuya.
That man can appear shirtless in front of him and he’d bow down to praise hallelujah or something –drama instrumental included.
And he’s not saying this from the head of his dick even if he is a dick –no pun included.
To conclude the happenings of his situation, he’s itchy to bombard their past apartment and start yelling ‘Have you found your answer, my love?’ in a prince-like voice.
Or maybe even sing his version of Gay or European as ‘Gay or Japanese’ just to get a laugh or two from his chibi.
In any ways, it’s either that or a simple glimpse of Chuuya again to calm his nerves down. He’s a simple man, alright? It’s not like he can demand for something more either. He leaves that up to his past self to whom he not so subtly dumped down the trash after learning a thing or two in the light.
He’s a genius. He has the capacity to learn; now having the capability to apologize for his mistakes. Does it leave a bitter smear against his lips? No, not really. What makes him bitter is the fact that he was too inhuman back then to think about anyone else other than himself.
Dazai’s still in the process of learning and he’s quite contented from what he has achieved. If you compare him to the past him, the difference is top notch and some might even be proud.
He wonders if a certain someone up there would be proud of the man he’s finally become.
Shrugging his thoughts from the aching memory of his dear friend, he twists the doorknob of the agency, seeming quiet and in daze. The rest got accustomed to this version of him by the third day, consequently giving him space –which Dazai is rather thankful for.
Ranpo though, was another topic. Dazai doesn’t know if it was to push his buttons or to pulp up a reaction from him but the detective was relentless. Ranpo’s words had no filter and it almost takes Dazai’s whole being to not twitch from the sudden questions he keeps on getting out of the blue.
’Ne Dazai, have you jacked off to him before?’
‘Dazai, have you seen him naked?’
‘What part was it when you found out you were incredibly gay for him?’
‘What are you going to do if he rejects you?’
‘Can you ask him to bake the same cake he made you for your birthday for me?’
‘On a scale of 1-10 do you think he thinks your dick is big or just the dick part being you?’
‘Did you cry like the whiny shit you are when you apologized?’
‘Where are my sweets you owed?’
‘DazaiDazaiDazaiDazai-‘
It was annoying per say. Dazai ignored all of them and thanked Yosano when she gave Ranpo a harsh bonk on the head with each flying question. Ranpo apparently got tired of not receiving any reaction and had a headache on the fourth day; so with that, the rest of the week was quiet and uneventful.
Casually stepping in, Kunikida blocks him from his ongoing steps, Dazai confused to what the blond might be getting at.
“We have a guest.”
“...and?”
“They’re specifically looking for you.”
Oh. Oh.
Dazai tries to calm the rapid beating of his heartbeat, reminding himself to not get ahead of the situation. It might not be Chuuya, but just a random customer. But who would want to see him of all people is the question.
“...ginger head?”
“Yep.”
A tingle of hope suddenly resided inside Dazai’s chest and a bright grin is what Kunikida received for an unspoken reply.
“Where are they?” Dazai excitingly asks, not bothering to try to hide his grin from Kunikida.
Kunikida points to the left, finding the change of Dazai’s expression amusing. Heavens know if there was ever a time he saw Dazai smile so brightly like that. It was interesting; more so the reason why he was grinning in the first place. “He’s in the consultation room waiting for you.” With that, Dazai dawdles towards the said room with tight steps, heaving out a soft ‘thank you’ to Kunikida before doing so.
Dazai walks past Atsushi, his protégé giving him a side glance when his mentor didn’t seem to mind him with any of his teasing-tone remarks.
Atsushi gasps out loud, scurrying forward to Kunikida. “Kunikida-san, am I crazy or I really just saw Dazai-san with a real grin on his face?” Disbelief crosses against his expression and Kunikida can’t help but puff out a laugh upon the reaction.
“Maybe we both are, kid.”
“Wait... is it because of that man who came in earlier?” Noticing what his words implied, Atsushi lets out another horrified gasp, whispering: “Do you think he’s the person Dazai-san likes?! B-but he’s so tall–”
Kunikida shrugs for an answer. “Dazai can be a tease sometimes, can’t he? Plus, the person said he was an old friend of the weirdo so there might be a possibility that he’s the one.”
“W-wait so he’s from the port mafia... right?”
Kunikida lifts up an index finger to retort but when the sudden realization hits him in the head that he had just let a port mafia member navigate inside their so called territory, he stopped his movement mid-point with a scrunched and agape look, stammering incoherent words in forms of gibberish.
-------------------
Dazai’s stomach twisted in longed anticipation by just staring at the door right in front of him –the door which leads to either heaven or hell. What will Chuuya say to him? What will he propose? It all made his nerves tingle in either excitement or dread and he’s caught breathless.
This is the third time he’s been nervous behind a door. The past two situations went well so hopefully this time too.... right?
The only thing left right now is to open the entree and see.
He mentally prepares himself first; heaving in a deep whiff of air to rupture his lungs in a calm wave of symphony. Grabbing the doorknob in one swift motion, he places his prior smile back to his face and makes his resolve. This will be easy peasy lemon squeezy for Dazai Osamu –he muses with anxiety.
He turns the doorknob with hidden concentration, pushing it open in one swish motion.
Still with a wide grin on his face, he exclaims: “CHUU–“ But immediately stopped in his tracks when he sees the man sitting at the centre of the sofa with crossed legs. “...ya.” He whispers, arms going limp.
The man appears to be in shock, choking on the tea he was sipping a while ago. Coughing out the remnants of his sudden reaction, the man croaks an awkward laugh, reforming his seat into a more formal one.
He looked nervous and Dazai swears he saw a drip of sweat trickling down the man’s forehead when it was plain freezing in the room they were in.
Nevertheless, Dazai froze in appal, his previous opening-the-door movement still struck in pose. Cold-harsh irises spiralled its way towards the man and Dazai’s cheerful aura immediately changed into a stoic one.
He was extremely horrified at the disgusting scene he just witnessed and he can feel rage boiling further and further up to his head, trying to cloud his mind with words of utter murder. He’s quite aware of his previous narratives that he’s currently a changed man but this is just unacceptable –this is a whole new different situation.
Dazai’s mouth stayed agape, twitching, trying to comprehend who the fuck had such an atrocious ability to be able to perform a moving replica of his late friend.
“Daz–“
Dazai didn’t give the man a chance.
He immediately shuts the door close with a loud snap, notifying the rest of the agency. He strides towards Kunikida with a deep scrunch on his furrow, all together with a tight frown. The others vividly notice the change in his mood from a while ago.
Kunikida doesn’t remember a time to when he can say that he’s actually scared of Dazai’s expression. The answer is now.
“Kunikida-kun~” A threatening tone makes its way past Dazai’s lips. Although it isn’t directed at the blond, Kunikida still felt his spine shiver from the unexpected treatment.
“Please hand me a gun.”
Scrambling for the gun hidden against his side, Kunikida automatically obeys but stops short to ask Dazai a major question. “Why do you need it?” he blurts out, gaining the courage.
Dazai smiles in return, seizing the gun in accustomed ploy.
“No reason~!” He covers his aggressiveness in cheerful facade, turning away from Kunikida to stride hurriedly towards the consultation room entree. All Dazai can think of is how to murder the bastard inside with a painful death. He suggests himself to shoot the man in the head countless of times but that won’t be painful, won’t it? He sadistically muses.
Maybe he should redo his torture methods....
Reaching the front of the door, he instantly kicks it open, aiming at the man’s forehead.
Pulling the trigger, he shoots without a hint of hesitance, its bang alarming the agency all at once.
The man unfortunately bends away to dodge the bullet so Dazai clicks his tongue in dismay from the fallen opportunity.
“Dazai, what the fuck?!” The man yells, but Dazai doesn’t pay him any mind.
“Dazai-san what’s wrong?!”
“Ah, Atsushi-kun. Close the door, I can handle this.”
“But Daza–“
“Atsushi-kun, the door.”
Frightened from the tone his mentor used on him, Atsushi gave himself no choice other than to comply with Dazai’s wishes.
Now back to business.
Dazai places his index finger against the trigger, cocking the hammer with his thumb. He aims at the man who is currently crouching behind the tea table, obviously trying to protect himself from what Dazai will do.
Dazai steps closer to shoot the table, not caring if the glass shards made a mess onto the floor. It may not be his intention but at least it made the man go forth into another location.
“Dazai listen! It really is me!” The man shouts, ducking away behind the sofa. It suddenly got the man thinking about how he should’ve let the ‘me being alive’ part to Chuuya instead because damn, he expected a horrified reaction but not this.
“Shut up.” Dazai seethes. He jumps over the sofa and instantly aims at the man’s head. He shoots discretely. The man rolls away, apparently dodging the bullet once again. It consequently makes Dazai grit his teeth, his other hand balled into a tight fist.
“I can prove it–“ The man briefs before ducking when Dazai shoots. “I’m Oda Sakunosuke.” Another shoot.
“I have five orphans.” He slides away to put a measured distance between them, huffing and puffing. “We used to drink down a bar named; Bar Lupin with Ango.” The man declares.
Dazai chuckles darkly for a response. “Where’d you get that information from? The Government?” As if Dazai will believe the bullshit this man is saying. It just adds up to his hate on that droopy-eyed bastard for selling out information that should’ve never been shared in the first place.
Dazai shoots the man again, aiming for his leg this time. He did say that his death will be nothing but painful. Maybe he should add some luxury to celebrate the man’s death later on.
The man unfortunately jumps and dodges the bullet again.
This fucking– Dazai shoots the man continuously this time but stops when all he hears is a click and not a bang. Fuck, he’s out of bullets. In the midst of his anger, he throws the gun towards the man’s head, unfortunately missing.
“Four years ago.” The man starts, using this opportunity to state his innocence. Dazai is still not having any of it.
“Atsushi-kun, bring me a gun, quick!” He shouts.
“In the battle of Mimic, Oda Sakunosuke died in Dazai Osamu’s arms.”
“That’s fucking right so I’m going to make sure you di–“
“But when Dazai Osamu couldn’t stand to look at the dead body of his dear friend, he immediately left to mourn–”
“You don’t know shit!”
“Not knowing there were still tiny beats left inside Oda Sakunosuke’s heart.” Dazai stays quiet at this, looking horrified at the accusation.
“That’s impossible–”
“Ne Dazai, did Mori-san ever tell you where his body went?”
Dazai clamps his mouth shut, balled fist shaking in furry from hearing the question. Mori didn’t. When he came back to retrieve the body, it was already gone. He’d gone through lengths to find the corpse but he couldn’t find a single trace. He eventually went to his final resort and asked Mori if he was the one responsible for the situation.
“We burnt the body for you~!” was what he received for an answer. A cheerful one at that.
It made Dazai’s blood boil in rage that he couldn’t do anything else but turn away. The deed had already been done so he sees it no point to brood and threaten Mori for being a menace regarding the topic.
He felt utterly helpless.
As a form of respect for his dear friend, with or without a corpse, he set up a tombstone and grieved.
The man continues his narrative. “The moment Dazai Osamu left the scene; Nakahara Chuuya came in to retrieve the body.” Hearing Chuuya’s name snaps Dazai in his thoughts.
Chuuya...?
“Despite being at death’s door, Nakahara Chuuya brought Oda Sakunosuke’s dishevelled self to Mori Ougai without hesitance.” Dazai’s breath hitches in the slightest and the clogs of his brain turned to hypothesise where the said situation might lead. It didn’t make any sense. What does Chuuya have to do with what had happened?
He has a faint remembrance that Chuuya was sent on an overseas mission that week so how?
“In the midst of carrying dead weight, Oda Sakunosuke’s heart fully stopped beating.” The man hums, almost as if reminiscing a past that wasn’t his. Hearing the statement only made Dazai glare at him to rebuke.
“Then that means he’s still dea–“
The man huffs out a dry laugh, cutting Dazai off in stance. “Fortunately for Oda Sakunosuke, Mori Ougai had his own tricks up his sleeves.”He says.
The man closes his eyes for a moment, thinking hard about what to say next. “Tell me, what was Mori Ougai’s profession?” He asks.
“..... an underground doctor.”
“The moment my heart stopped beating, all blood circulations in my body stopped too –not fully but slowly. My brain couldn’t develop the electricity needed to be created and handed out by the brain stem reflexes –in other words; I’ve gone through death for a while. Well I was technically dead but in a medical way; I’ve gone through Cardiac arrest.” Dazai takes a step back, reminding himself that it couldn’t be real. It was impossible! If Oda had been alive all these years, why didn’t he tell him?
“A human body can only take so much you know? Apparently after my heart stopped, I had a certain amount of time tops to be resuscitated by either CPR or heart pumping; any more than fifteen and I’d be having a major risk of brain damage or even eternal death. The bullet in my lung didn’t make things easier either –I lost a lot of blood.” The man continues.
Dazai hates the way the replica is suddenly speaking in first person point of view.
“But,” Oda pauses, his eyes gazing directly into Dazai’s honey ones. It was a lazy gaze that Dazai got accustomed of all too well and it made his knees weak from how real it felt. “Chuuya made it in time.”
Oda brings his hands to the pockets of jeans, standing directly in Dazai’s view. “I’m Oda Sakunosuke.” He states. “My favourite food is curry. I am currently twenty-seven years old. The last line I told my friend while I was dying in his arms was; ‘Neither good nor evil means much to you, I know. But that would at least make you a little bit better.’ after I told him to be on the side who saves people. I often go down to Bar Lupin with Dazai Osamu and Sakaguchi Ango for a few drinks and my toast would always be ‘To the stray dogs.’ After my so-called death, Mori Ougai released me from the Port Mafia, and since then, I thrived to become the author I wanted to be.” Oda continues without hint.
Dazai’s expression looks betrayed in disbelief. If that was the case; “Then why didn’t Oda Sakunosuke inform me of his revival?”
Oda looks at him, idly perplexed at the fact that Dazai still used a third person narrative when saying his name. He answers him anyway. “I was used as a trigger for you to leave the Port Mafia.” He explains truthfully. “Mori-san gave me the freedom to do whatever I wanted after I recovered –like I said earlier, he let me go, saying that it was my final mission. I was given the choice to either show myself to you or stay quiet,” Oda stays silent for a moment, sighing in dismay.
“And I chose the latter.”
“....why did he?” Dazai blurts out, voice evidently breaking from the heard news.
Oda puts on a playful facade. “Well a certain someone once told me that he was head-over-heels for this midget; a Chihuahua as he calls him. However this someone was too afraid of loving another because he was scared of losing them in the process. It might be true that he wanted to apologize for his wrong-doings towards his special someone back then, but I doubted that it was the right thing to do considering how he never knew how to show love.”
Dazai stays silent. He agrees.
“Being in the port mafia didn’t help you learn either so I took the opportunity to let you grow on your own. I know you’re thinking that I could’ve been there for you but personal growth with one’s capabilities works best in that situation –was what I thought. I wanted you to change without my help.” Oda concludes with a light curl on his lips.
Dazai can feel a subtle whiff of pride from the man’s following statement. “And here you are now.”
Oda wonders if Dazai finally believes him or if he should continue laying out the facts the other already knows. “Chuuya told me everything.” He says. Oda knows that hearing Chuuya’s name always gets Dazai’s attention after all, even if the statement said is a fact.
“Now it might be true that Oda Sakunosuke died, but he’s still alive and free to this day; together with his orphans.” Oda walks closer to Dazai with a soft smile, stopping three feet apart in front of the shaking brunet. “And right now, he’s currently staring at Dazai Osamu –his dear friend, and most of all a changed man.” Dazai’s lips shake in unbeknownst as tears prickled its way towards the ends of his eyes.
Oda widens his arms.
“I’m proud of you, Dazai.”
Just like that, Dazai gave in to belief, jumping forward to Oda’s arms in agitation. He wraps both of his arms and legs around him, Oda tumbling and falling down from the sudden weight he carried. Oda wraps his arms around his whimpering friend, seeming guilty about certain happenings.
“I’m sorry.” Dazai could feel the weight those words meant and it only added up to his insightful mess, burying his face further and further against the crook of Oda’s neck. Heavy teardrops trickled its way down his cheeks and right now, Dazai can say that the heaviness in his heart is from joy.
He’s happy.
Sniffing, he lets out a small whimper before gripping the back of Oda’s shirt. “You’re a shitty friend, you know that right?” He blurts, lips twitching.
Oda huffs out a laugh from the statement. “Believe me, Chuuya said the same thing.”
Dazai can’t help the chuckle that escaped past his smile. “What did he say?”
“He said I was a shitty friend for not telling you the truth right after I recovered. Don’t tell him I told you; but he was specifically the one who told me to go look for you to reassure your grief but he got mad when I said I wouldn’t. He cussed so hard at me and man I have never heard someone curse so much in a nick of time. He even added some French –which I didn’t know of until I asked.” Oda caresses Dazai’s back in comfort. “He really cared for you back then, huh? Even now.”
Dazai stays silent, sniffing. “He really did.”
After a few minutes of physical contact to calm the younger, Oda pats Dazai’s back. “So do you want me to carry you like a princess or are we walking to Bar Lupin to catch up?”
“Geh– Odasaku that’s kinda gay. We’re walking.”
“But you are technically gay for Chuu–“
“Only for Chuuya though~!”
“Right.”