Chapter Text
He knows it's stupid, but the cruise feels weirdly empty when he goes back to it.
It's still full of people, laughing and talking and eating and sweating, it's still the same image he's used to, the one he's getting tired of. Maybe he's outgrowing everything he knows, and he likes to think that that's okay, even healthy.
But still. There's this emptiness- and it's pointless to ignore that it's because he misses Alex. He liked looking forward to the next day, this- excitement about the things he would get to do he hasn't felt in a long time.
He's not- sad, not exactly. He means, he is sad, but it's a different kind sadness, a sharp one, making him feel like he's forgotten something. Like he's lost something.
Willie thought about asking Alex to go with him. Maybe they could've travelled together- Willie liked the idea of having someone to travel with, someone to talk to late at night, when the sea around them is quiet and there's nothing to do but pass the time. Alex's cool like that, in a way he can't really explain, because Willie can't just seem to get bored with him. He always has something to tell and Willie always feels like listening.
His company was a heavy, safe presence beside him, and he's going to miss it a lot.
He was too afraid of getting a negative answer, though, of receiving an uncomfortable smile and a shrug, a ‘no, thank you.’ This trip is everything that he's wanted, ever since he was little and his mom used to talk about islands and foreign countries, about the euphoria that comes with realizing that there's nothing else to do but sail and enjoy the moment.
And he didn't want to stain that dream with a bittersweet rejection, an uncomfortable memory of a summer fling that could've been much more.
He's started to regret his fear, and he's wondering if keeping his thoughts to himself was the best choice.
But it's too late now, because Alex's gone, probably already in Bogota and ready to go back to real life, and Willie has another five months of work if he wants to have enough money for starting his trip. It's not like he's travelling all around the world immediately, after all. A trip like that is hard, and he needs to know his boat, learn about long-distance travels he hasn't done yet.
His goal is to cross the Atlantic first, spend a couple of months in the Mediterranean Sea, where sailing's not that hard, maybe get a job there and save more money. Then cross it again, help Lupe in the beach and in her work for a while, cross the Panama Canal and then cross the Pacific.
Suddenly doing all of that on his own doesn't sound too exciting.
"Hey, man," a voice calls. Willie's in his cabin, getting ready for his afternoon shift. Patricia let him do the 'tour' that morning, after all, and he's covering for her until late at night. It was totally worth it.
"Nick, hey," Willie answers, forcing out a smile.
"How was everything?"
Nick's the only one who knows about his and Alex's- thing. He doesn't know what to call it. He's been sharing a cabin with Nick for almost two years now, and Willie likes to think they’ve grown pretty close. He's great at keeping secrets. When he wants to.
Willie shrugs.
"You know. It- went. I don't really want to talk about it."
Nick pats him in the shoulder. "That's why you're not supposed to get attached to passengers, man."
Willie knows that, he really does, and he tried really hard to remember that a relationship like that had no future, but still. He doesn't choose to feel the way he does.
He sends Alex a text just before he leaves for work, because he won't be able to text him until three a.m., when his shift is over, and because he wants Alex to know he still cares.
Good luck, he types, trying to make the text seem not-that-desperate. Tell me when you get home.
It's stupid and simple and really basic, but it's the only thing he can think of in the moment.
He forgets to check his phone when he goes back to his cabin hours later, and he wakes up and it's getting late for his shift at the lido deck bar so he leaves his phone connected to the charger and forgets about the message.
It's not until the next day, when they're already in Aruba again that he has time to grab his phone, and the first thing he notices is Alex's name shining in his lock screen. His heart drops to his stomach and he reads the text, feeling like his whole body is pounding with tension.
The text's actually pretty recent, from a couple of hours ago.
I just got back home.
I'm hiding in my room, trying to ignore my dad's questions about my future. I get that he's worried about me, but he's driving me crazy. I miss the sea already, and it's stupid because I live twenty minutes away from the beach. It's just not the same thing.
I honestly feel like I'm going crazy, like I'm suffocating, and I've only been back for like three hours. Get me out of here please. Haha.
You know, I wasn't going to tell you this, but I feel like it doesn't matter now, so here it goes. I sort of wanted to join you on your dream trip. I know it's weird and probably stupid but, you know, you made running away sound really fun. It made me want to run away with you.
If you had asked, I would've said yes. Just thought you should know that. That's how much you mean to me.
But whatever. Take care, Willie.
Fuck.
Willie reads the last part again, his body vibrating just like when he doesn't know what to do.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. He's so damn stupid.
Theres's this anger running through his veins, this desperation and regret and disappointment enveloping him, drowning him. He doesn't even know how to feel, so he reads Alex's message again and again and again, until the words in his phone become blurry and his brain stops making sense out of them.
Nick comes into their cabin, and that helps Willie to wake up. He needs to do something.
"Woah dude, what's wrong?" Nick asks, and Willie shows him his phone, because he doesn't feel like explaining.
"Well, that- um- sucks. But there's nothing you can do about it, right?"
His throat closes up. Maybe Nick's right, maybe Alex's right and it doesn't matter now.
"It wouldn't have worked out anyway," Nick offers with a shrug. "I mean, think about it. You still have to save money, and he had to leave. You would've been apart for a couple of months anyway. Maybe you could still figure something out."
Nick's not wrong. He still has some time left, and maybe he can invite Alex on the trip after all. They'd just have to- wait. But Willie's never been patient, and there's this little part of him that fears time will not be on their side. Five months it's what he needs, but five months it's a lot of time to move on and find new things to enjoy. Five months is enough for Alex to change his mind.
Besides, he wants to help Alex. There are parts of the message he doesn't like, the parts where he says he feels like he's suffocating, that he wants to leave. Willie wants to do the same, and maybe he could help him with that.
There must be something he can do.
"C'mon, man," Nick continues. "Stop freaking out about this. What are you going to do?" He lets out in a sarcastic tone, chuckling a little. "Get fired and use your termination pay to get the money you need?"
Use his- what?"
"Use my- what?" Willie repeats, walking closer to Nick. "Get fired and what?"
Nick blinks. "Your termination pay. You know, the cruise company gives you a month worth of salary for every year you've worked here if you get fired."
"They do that? Why didn't I know this, man?"
"Don't ask me. Didn’t you read the contract?”
“No one reads contracts, dude.”
Nick sighs. “That’s- not true. But, Willie- don't even think about it."
It's too late for that. He already has an idea. A really stupid one, but an idea after all. And he needs to get started on it soon if he's going to make it work.
"I need to talk to Caleb," he whispers, mostly to himself.
"Please don't do anything stupid," Nick calls from their cabin door, but Willie's already sprinting towards Caleb's office.
"Do you even know me?" He tells Nick as he leaves, feeling himself grinning.
He's always liked doing stupid things, after all.
They're already leaving Aruba, so if his plan works- flights from Jamaica to Mexico are not that expensive. He can make this work.
"Hey, Caleb?" Willie knocks on his office door, trying to gather up some courage.
Caleb tells him to come in. Willie's been kind of avoiding him lately, trying to keep his profile low in case he heard rumors about him and Alex, that honestly have been circulating between the crew for at least a week now. But now he's thankful for those rumors. Or well, something like that.
"What can I help you with, William?"
"I need you to fire me."
Huh. He never thought he'd say those words.
Caleb looks up at him, pushing his laptop away. He shoots him an incredulous smile.
"Excuse me?"
"I need you to fire me," he repeats, taking a deep breath. He doesn't know how to explain this. "If you fire me, you'd have to give me five months’ worth of salary, right? Because I've been working here for almost five years."
"Hypothetically, yes," Willie has to fight back a smile because he kind of finds Caleb's confusion funny. "But why the hell would I fire you?"
"Well- it's a long story. But I really need to you do this."
"If you want to stop working with us, you can write a resignation letter and I'll evaluate it, but I can't just- fire you. What, you don't want to work here anymore?"
Willie groans. "I know I could do that, but I need it to be fast. Please, Caleb-"
Caleb raises his hand, and Willie swallows.
"Unless you've broken a rule or something like that, William, I will not fire you. I don't know why you're insisting on this nonsense-"
"I dated a passenger," he blurts out, because that has to help. "I mean-", okay, maybe he's being stupid, but there's no going back now. "I didn't date him, or well- I don't know. But I broke a bunch of rules. I lied to you and I spent my free day with him and that’s why we were late that day, like twenty minutes late, now that I think about it- it's a miracle you didn't sail without us. We kissed in a storage closet and- I think that's enough to get me fired, right?"
Caleb looks like he's about to have a stroke.
"Oh, and this happened like a year ago but I adopted a cat. I had it on board for like a week and then realized it wasn't a good idea. Now that should be enough."
It is.
He's supposed to leave the ship in two days, when they get to Jamaica. Perfect.
Saying goodbye it's a little harder than he thought it would be, though. He packs everything and that takes him a really short time, and that's kind of sad. His mom always told him that all he needs to live should fit in a suitcase, and all of his stuff does. But still, he's been living in that ship for almost two years now, and seeing his cabin so- empty is kind of heart wrenching. He walks to the hallways and through the decks, trying to force his brain to remember everything exactly as it was.
Most of the crew knows he got fired by now, but no one knows exactly why, and he's having a lot of fun with the rumors. A couple of his closest friends go say goodbye to him, and he's going to miss them, he really, really is, but there's this- euphoria that makes the sadness fade away.
He's about to start what he's been waiting to do his whole life, after all. There's a lot he needs to think about.
"So you're finally buying your old sailboat," Paola tells him. It's just her, Nick and him in their cabin, while Willie makes sure he's not forgetting everything.
"She's not old," Willie huffs. "Well- she kind of is, but she's gorgeous. And I'm going to live in it, alright?"
Paola rolls her eyes. "I'm going crazy in this ship, and it's huge. I don't get why you want to live in a forty feet long sailboat."
"Because-" that's actually a good question that he doesn't really know how to answer. "Because I want to, alright? That way I can live literally wherever I want."
Nick sighs. "I can't believe you're actually doing this. This boy must be really special."
"It's not all about him, okay? I've been waiting this for so long- getting fired it's the best decision I've ever made. I'll send you guys postcards when I'm- I don't know, in France, and you guys are still here, circling the Caribbean for the hundredth time."
He wakes up feeling kind of nervous, but there's this- determination running through him. He's excited about what's to come.
He hugs Nick and some of his other friends, thanks Caleb for everything, even if he's furious at him, and leaves the ship. It's a bittersweet farewell he's been preparing for ever since he started working there.
He kind of feels like he's letting go of his mom's memory, her smile and the way she let him try on her captain's jacket. But he likes to think that she'd wanted this for him. She was the one who dreamt of travelling on her own, after all.
Willie calls his friend Dante and gets him to drive him to the Kingston airport. It's almost a three-hour drive, but he spends all of it telling Dante about his plan, to make sure it's not too crazy.
Dante seems to think it's a good plan, though, and leaves him in the Kingston airport with a hug and an incredulous smile.
"Good luck, I guess. You know- if this ends badly, it's going to be really sad."
Willie nods. "Yeah, you're right. But, I've got nothing to lose, not really. I still need to go to my old apartment in Florida to pack some things."
"You're going to Los Angeles. That's in the other side of the country."
Willie shrugs. "At least I'll be in that country."
"You're crazy."
"Thanks."
"Good luck in your trip."
The flights from Kingston to Cancun are actually more expensive than what he remembers, but he feels like he has enough money to spare in that. It's an almost six-hour flight, but it's worth it. Even if he hates flying.
He gets to Cancun with a smile, a suitcase and a lot of hunger. He calls Miguel and has lunch with him, and explains his plan for what feels like the tenth time. Miguel likes the plan, though, and offers to drive him to Lupe's.
They drive through the highway, watching the sun setting beside them, and he remembers Alex's smile and his voice, carefree and singing, his hands drumming against the steering wheel, and he's glad he's stupid enough to do this.
He didn't tell Lupe he was going to the beach where she works, though, and he's kind of worried she won't be there, because sometimes she spends the night in the city and not in the small cabin, and it's getting late and he needs to do this as fast as possible. He calls Lupe but she doesn't answer her phone, and he also calls her partner, Daniela, but no one freaking answers.
"If they're not there you can spend the night with me," Miguel tells him with a smile. "It's not like you could sail tonight."
That was kind of his plan, but Miguel's right. He's going to need to pack a bunch of stuff and make sure Carmela's ready for a trip like that- maybe this is harder than he'd initially though. If he wants to get there as fast as possible, he's going to need help.
Luckily, though, both Lupe and Daniela are in the beach, sitting in the sand and talking to each other, huge smiles on their faces.
Miguel and him walk towards them, and Lupe looks up with a surprised, confused grin.
"Willie," she calls. "Mi rey, what- what are you doing here?"
"I have the money," Willie announces, feeling himself shaking with excitement. "I can finally buy Carmela."
Lupe hugs him and Willie realizes that. He finally has the money, the boat- she's finally his. He has his own boat; he has his own home.
Daniela's always been the harsher of the two of them, and she seems to realizes that there's something he's not telling them. "Aren't you supposed to be working? You were her like a week ago."
Willie clears his throat. "Well, um- I kind of- maybe I got fired."
Lupe gasps. "You did what?"
"I mean- it's not like that, I got fired on purpose."
Daniela smacks him in the shoulder and Miguel laughs. "Explain yourself."
Willie tells them his plan and watches their expressions go from anger to disbelief to resignation.
"If you're making that trip," Lupe starts, her frow burrowed. "You need to work on the boat. It's not ready to make a trip like that. "
"I know," he nods. "She needs a new motor and a bunch of other stuff, but I need to be ready to sail in two days. I'm leaving at dawn."
Lupe laughs. "There's no way you're fixing everything in that little time. Los Angeles can wait."
Willie shakes his head. "It can't, Lupe, I mean it. I need to get there before-"
"Before what?" Daniela chimes in. Willie sighs.
"I don't know. But I feel like I need to do this as fast as possible, alright? Before Alex changes his mind or before we realize we're both being very impulsive. If you guys help me- I can have her ready in a day."
Daniela grimaces. "I don't know, Willie, this is crazy."
"Please," he croaks out. "I really need to do this."
Lupe rests a hand on his shoulder. "Alright. Just because I really liked that boy."
Willie spends the night in their house in the city, writing down a list of all the things he needs. It's three in the morning when he's pretty sure he hasn't forgotten about anything, and he checks his phone.
He curses when he realizes he has a text from Alex, and remembers he never really got a chance to answer that first text, the one that initiated all this madness.
I know you're probably busy, and that's why you haven't answered the last text.
At least that's what I hope. I'm sorry if I freaked you out a little, but I don't take anything back. I meant what I said, Willie.
Anyway, these past three days have been- rough. I've realized apartments are really expensive, and I don't even have enough money for a month's rent. I was going crazy in my house, though, so I'm sleeping at Julie's. His dad's pretty cool and he lets me crash on their couch. Mom and dad are furious, and I'm kind of worried they won't come to terms with the choices I'm making.
Getting a job is even harder. I've been looking up things I could do but they all seem so- boring. I need something to take my mind away from the memories, you know? Every time I close my eyes I see the accident. I thought I was done with that, but apparently I’m not. I need to find something quick, though, because Julie and the guys will be going back to college soon and I don't want to sleep on her couch when she's not even there.
It's just been a hard couple of days. I miss you. I miss us.
Please text back. Or don’t. I don’t know.
Should he tell him? Maybe Willie should let Alex know about his crazy plan, but he also wants this to be a surprise.
I'm sorry, he starts, chewing on his lip as he tries to think of an answer.
I've been really busy lately, but I read your last text. And, well, maybe I should've asked.
Willie groans and erases everything. He really doesn't know what to write, so he lets out a sigh and decides that Alex will have a good answer when he gets to LA.
Hold on, he types. That seems like a good enough answer, so he presses send and goes to sleep.
The next day is a mess. He wakes up at eight and has breakfast with Lupe and Daniela. They're supposed to clean Carmela while he and Miguel go buy a new motor for her in his car. When they go back to the beach, she looks- the boat looks perfect.
"Woah," he mutters. "She's so beautiful."
Daniela smiles. "She is. I'm going to miss her. There's a reason your mom wanted to buy it, after all."
"Alright. Let's get to work."
Daniela helps him to install the new motor and fix everything that needs to be fixed. She's a mechanical engineer, after all, and she's taught him pretty much everything he knows. Miguel and Lupe go to the city to buy all the stuff he needs for the trip- and he realizes doing all of this on his own would've been impossible. Again, he's glad he's decided that he doesn't want to travel alone, not anymore.
They spend the whole day working on Carmela, and by six p.m., he's exhausted. But they make it, and she'll be ready to sail tomorrow morning. He's scared and excited at the same time, his stomach churning and his heart beating heavily against his chest.
Lupe knocks on his bedroom door, and she comes in with a warm, shy smile.
"Are you ready for tomorrow?"
Willie shrugs. "As ready as I'll ever be, I guess."
Lupe sits on the bed, her hand on Willie's shoulder. "You've sailed to Panama before, right? With your mom."
"Yeah," he nods. "Just before she died. That's not the part of the trip that I'm nervous about."
"You're nervous about the rest." She hums and Willie sighs.
"I don't even know why I'm nervous. I've been waiting for this for a long time."
Lupe smiles again. "That's normal, mi rey. That's even a good thing. Doing something you love should always make you nervous."
"It's a twelve-day trip. And then- I don't know. Maybe Hawaii?"
"Hawaii's always a good option."
"I'll come back before I leave for good," Willie says, because it's true. He needs to say a proper goodbye. "Maybe even a couple of times. You know, to gain experience and stuff."
"That's great. You know you're always welcome here. You and your- um- Alex."
Willie laughs. "You always wanted to travel with Daniela, right?"
"Who says we can't? Maybe someday, kid, maybe someday. But yeah, that's always been our dream as well. I love her with my whole damn heart, and we can talk for hours. We never get bored of each other. If you want to travel with someone- that's fundamental. To always have a good time with them. If that's not the case, it's not going to work out."
"I think it will," he lets out in a whisper. "I hope it does."
Lupe gives him a hug. "You know what you can't travel without? A guitar. I'll give you mine."
"Lupe, I can't- you don't have to give me your guitar."
"Look, kid, I want to give it to you, alright? I won't take no for an answer."
"Thanks for everything, Lupe," he manages to say, his throat feeling tight. She's always been there for him, supporting him in his stupid, impulsive ideas. He's glad Alex got to meet her. He's glad that, hopefully, Alex will get to see her again.
He leaves Mexico at five in the morning, the Princess Carmela swaying under him, the wind against his face, a destination in mind.
Lupe and Daniela gave him a bunch of stuff to do, and he's thankful for that. They said goodbye, and he still chuckles a little when he remembers the words Lupe told him just before he left.
"Go get your boy."
Just before he leaves, he checks his phone and sees that he has another text from Alex.
I will, it says. That's good.
When he gets to Panama, he's more confident of his ability to sail. He's more confident of himself. He's got this. And he's really excited about the next part of the trip, because he's always wanted to cross the Panama Canal. And now he gets to do it, and the reason why makes it all even more special.
He stops in Panama a couple of hours, to walk around the place and buy more stuff he needs. He also figures he needs to make sure Alex will be there when he gets to Los Angeles. Willie doesn't want to tell him that he's going, not yet, and then he remembers Julie gave him her phone number.
"Just in case," she had told him, back when they were in Cartagena. "Maybe someday you'll need it."
He texts Julie, who answers almost immediately, which makes his breathing easier. He doesn't explain much, just tells her to make sure that Alex will be there in twelve days. Julie doesn't ask for an explanation, luckily, and she tells him that she will.
That's great. It's all coming together.
Crossing the Panama Canal it's a unique experience. Willie feels like he's in a movie, with the way Carmela moves through the industrial passages, beside these huge cargo ships, feeling ridiculously small. But brave.
And then he's in the Pacific, in the other side of the continent, and there's nothing left to do but sail and wait and hope for the best.
That's what he's been doing his whole life, though. Sailing and hoping for the best. That's what he loves doing.
He'll be there soon. The rest of the story will up to Alex.
Alex's not having a good time.
His new life-plan seemed like a good one when he was travelling, when real life was just an empty canvas where he could paint whatever he wanted. Reality's different, and he's started to realizes that.
His parents are furious and he kind of gets why. These past months his house just has been silence and grief and whispers, lost people that didn't know what to do when everything was ripped away from them.
But his parents seem ready to be annoying again, and Alex had a huge fight with his parents a couple of hours after he got back home, when he confessed that he wasn't going back to college.
He was expecting a negative reaction, but the whole thing was worse. It all became yelling and tears and hurtful words thrown at each other, so Alex- well, he left. It's not like he's going to never talk to them again or anything like that. He's just waiting for their anger to fade away.
Alex sort of understands his parents and their worry, because it turns out that being twenty and trying to survive completely on your own is way harder than he thought it would be. He's told Willie that, through text messages that he still freaks out about.
But everything's a little more complicated than that. He has a backpack full of clothes and his wallet and that's pretty much it. The only thing he has it's his old drum set, the one he hasn't touched since his brother died, and he doesn't want to sell it. It's not worth much, but it's still something. That'll be his last resource if he doesn't find a job soon. He needs to find a place to crash in three days.
Yeah, not having a good time.
Turns out that 'running away and never looking back' it's hard.
And there's the fact that the only text he's received from Willie, a 'hold on.' He doesn't know what it means, or why that's the only thing that Willie's told him even if Alex's messages are long and detailed. He's probably overthinking, though, and Willie's busy. Or maybe he wants space. Maybe he's already moved on.
He's found some jobs, but there's nothing he really wants to do. He's thought about leaving LA, because it's full of painful memories and empty possibilities, but he's also kind of scared. Where would he go? It's stupid.
Alex sighs and stands up. He's been spending a lot of time in the beach lately, sitting in front of the sea while he takes breaks from his job hunting. He walks to Julie's, his hands fidgeting with the necklace Willie gave to him.
It's been two weeks since Willie's last message, almost three weeks since he got back from the cruise and he'd genuinely thought his life would be better after the decisions he made there, after he came to terms with the fact that not knowing what to do was okay.
But somehow, he's still lost. He needs a way to fix it.
Julie's waiting for him in her kitchen, taking something out of the oven. They've been doing music together lately, and he's even started trying to write songs. That's good. Maybe if he works hard on that he'll be able to do something with the music he's been creating.
"How was your day?" Julie asks with a smile, handing him a cookie.
Alex shrugs. "Not that great," he admits. "They were hiring in a coffee shop but- I don't know. I don't want to do that."
Julie hums. "You'll find something."
"I've been thinking about leaving Los Angeles," he blurts out, because he wants to tell someone and know if his plan is as crazy as it sounds in his mind. "You know, I think- I think it would help. I feel empty here. I love the city, I do, but I need- I don't know. MoreK."
"Look at you. Two weeks in a cruise ship and suddenly you're a free spirit."
Alex rolls his eyes but chuckles a little. "I mean- that's not a bad idea. I've heard that you can get jobs in ships- cooking or cleaning and stuff like that. And they'll take you, I don't know- somewhere. It could be fun. But I'm broke, so- yeah. Not exactly an option."
Julie crosses her arms. "Is that what you really want? To leave like that?"
"Yes. Maybe not for the rest of my life, but when we were there, travelling and visiting new places and just- you know, being away from everything, I felt alive again for the first time in forever. You know what I'm talking about."
"I do."
"That's what I want to do with my life. At least for now."
Julie bites on her cookie.
"You know, you've been stressed lately. Maybe tomorrow you should go to Long Beach. Maybe, I don't know- to Alamitos Bay."
Alex frowns. "Why the hell would I go there?"
"Oh, I don't know- it could be fun. See the boats and stuff, maybe look for a job around there. You could find something that you actually want to do."
It's not a bad idea. Maybe he will find something cool there, a way to leave LA or maybe find a job that doesn't sound like it'll make him die of boredom.
"Alright," he says at the end. "Why not."
"And go in the afternoon!" She yells, and then clears her throat and lets out an awkward giggle. "I mean- Luke asked me to tell you that he wants to have lunch with you and Reggie tomorrow, so, yeah- go in the afternoon."
"You're being weird."
Julie shrugs with a smile. "I'm always weird."
He goes have lunch with Reggie and Luke the next day, and it's fun and it does help Alex to forget about his problems for a little. They ask what Julie also asked, and Alex has to explain himself, again. They seem to understand, and Reggie tells him he could go and ask for a job at the bike shack near his house.
Alex grimaces.
"I don't know, Reg. Sounds boring. But if I really don't get a job or something in the next- um, two days, I'll be screwed. Or I'll have to go back home and that's worse."
Luke nods. "I get you. Do you remember the time I ran away for like, three days? It was awful."
"At least you had someplace to sleep."
Reggie frowns. "You could- I don't know. You're in a tough spot."
"Thanks for the support, dude."
They go to Alamitos Bay after that, full of small yachts and sailboats and people walking around. Reggie's telling them about the hamster he's adopted when Alex sees something.
He stops walking and blinks, and then blinks again.
There's a boat that looks ridiculously familiar, full of memories and laughter and- it can't be. There’s no way that’s her. But then he walks towards it, and he recognizes the name painted in the hull, near the stern.
Princess Carmela.
His heart drops to his stomach. Alex feels like his whole body is being shut down, his senses a sudden mess of spiraling thoughts and possibilities and this electrifying realization. Because if Carmela is here-
"Hey there, piña colada."
-so is Willie.
Alex can't really describe what happens next. He's done trying. Maybe he cries a little, he can't remember correctly. But he remembers the hug and the questions and Luke and Reggie's laughter when he almost fell into the water, trying to get to Willie.
He remembers the kiss.
That's pretty much everything that his brain managed to process in those- twenty minutes.
Then they went to a little cafe near the beach and Willie talked about Caleb and Nick and Lupe and Panama and everything, while Alex's hands shook around his cup of iced coffee.
"You're an idiot," he remembers saying. "I can't believe you did that."
He remembers Willie's laugh, loud and daring and perfect. "I believe I've told you already that I have zero impulse control."
"So, what now?" Alex had asked in a whisper.
"Honestly? I have no idea. But that's okay."
At least he has a place to sleep now.
The first thing they decide on is to road trip to Florida, to pack up Willie's apartment and maybe sell it, see if they can get some money out of it, then go back to Los Angeles and go- somewhere else.
And then they realize they don't have a car to get there in the first place, but Reggie tells them that he'll let them borrow his car. Problem solved.
"If we're actually doing this," Willie tells him, late at night, when Alex's trying to make dinner in the small kitchen -a galley, Willie reminds him- in the boat. "There's a lot you need to learn."
Alex nods. "I know. But I'm a quick learner."
"Yeah?" Willie grins.
"I am! And besides, you're a great teacher."
Willie kisses him, and Alex can't really believe this is what his life is going to be like.
"Let's see if you say that when you try to use a sextant."
"I have no idea what that is."
"Oh," Willie chuckles. "You've got so much to learn. We have time, though."
"That's all we have."
Alex's parents aren't exactly happy when he tells them that he's leaving to cross the country with a stranger, but there's nothing they can do about it. Carrie and Flynn help him pack his things and he says goodbye and receives a cold stare in response.
He doesn't care. They don't get it, they're probably never going to understand why Alex needs to do this. But they're still his parents, so Alex promises himself he'll try to talk to them again before they set sail.
"Call us," his dad mutters when he's about to cross the door. "So we know you're okay."
"I will."
His friends are leaving for college the same day Willie and him are starting their trip to Florida, so Julie invites them all to her house as a cheerful goodbye.
"I can't believe you," Carrie tells him. They're standing in the kitchen, watching Willie talk about something to Julie's dad, Luke and Reggie by their side. "You're actually running away with Mr. Bartender over there."
Alex chuckles and takes a sip of his drink. "I am."
He can't quite believe it either.
"So, to Florida, then back here, then what?"
"Willie's thinking Hawaii," Alex says. "He says it's a good trip for me to learn about sailing and stuff. He says he can get a job there for a month or so, maybe I can too. Visit the Islands and then- we don't know. We'll see. Maybe Mexico."
"When will you come back?"
"I don't know," he admits. "When I'm ready."
Saying goodbye to his friends is the hardest part. But he's been ready for this for a long time, and it's not like he's never going to see them again. He hugs Julie and Luke and Reggie. Flynn fist bumps him and Carrie gives him a kiss in the cheek.
"Send us postcards!" Reggie yells just before leaving.
That night, Willie and him sit on their little couch, tracing a route for their road trip to Florida. Willie's holding his hand and scribbling over a map with the other.
"You know," Willie says suddenly, offering him a playful smile. "I just realized I never asked you."
Alex frowns. "Ask me what?"
"If you wanted to travel with me."
"Oh," Alex smiles and squeezes Willie's hand. "I feel like the answer's pretty obvious."
Willie shakes his head and leans towards him, their foreheads touching.
"Do you want to run away with me?" He whispers, and Alex feels like he's melting. He gulps and forces himself to react.
"I do," he whispers back.
Willie kisses him, long and kind of desperate and Alex can't wait for the rest of their lives to begin.
"I feel like we just got married," he teases, and Willie laughs and shoves him a little.
"You're an idiot."
They start their drive at six. a.m., ready for- well, Alex doesn't know what he should be ready for, but he's pretty sure he is.
Willie puts some music on and Alex rolls the windows down and they start singing and yeah, he can do this for the rest of his life. And more.
"You know," he says, his fingers tapping the steering wheel. "You really should learn how to drive."
Willie's laugh resonates loudly against the wind, and hours later, Alex can swear he still can hear it echoing.
Real life can really go screw itself.