Chapter Text
It had been two weeks since their argument leading to Katsuki’s admittance of having PTSD. Deku didn’t seem to resent him for his outburst of violence, but it still gnawed at the blond’s guts : he knew Izuku could defend himself now and wouldn’t hesitate to push him back if needed, but still. It was no excuse.
Katsuki had trained extra hard almost every day, until even breathing hurt. He felt like pain was the least he deserved, and Deku was too kind to provide it.
Deku had always been too kind, something Katsuki used to see as a weakness - now, he knew compassion could be a strength, too. If their roles were reversed, Katsuki would probably have forced Izuku to go see a therapist ASAP, even if Deku had refused. Here, despite Izuku’s first urging, the nerd had accepted Katsuki’s need for space around that particular matter. So he hadn’t brought the topic back : instead, Katsuki had found a printed paper titled “Managing PTSD Intrusive Thoughts And Easing PTSD Symptoms” on the table, one morning Deku’s patrol was earlier than his. His boyfriend had put a little sticky note on it Until you’re ready ♥ scribbled on it.
Something had clenched in Katsuki’s chest, and for the hundredth time since they had started dating, he had thought he didn’t deserve Izuku.
So he had thought and thought and thought.
And made up his mind.
They hadn’t patrolled together that day, and Izuku’s shift had ended in the early evening, so Katsuki had decided to talk to him after dinner.
“Okay.”
Izuku glanced at him, puzzled, as he dried the last pot of the dishes-washing.“... Foooor?”
“The talk from last time.” Seeing big green eyes getting rounder and brighter, Katsuki quickly added “I don’t want to go to a damn shrink yet. But… we can give a shot to you controling how we fuck this time.”
Maybe it wasn’t the most romantic declaration of the century, but at least, it made the job.
Izuku’s eyebrows shot to his hairline and the cloth fell from his hands
“W- Really ?” But almost as suddenly, the delighted surprise turned into concern “Wait. Maybe it's not the priority if we want to… help you with… you know.”
Trauma , a little voice supplied in Katsuki’s brain. The blond itched to explode it.
“Why the Hell not?” he replied, but there was no heat to it. “Testing the water with my need for control is a good starter, dumbass.”
He was still wary of the whole white-coat thing, a bit because he had a bad - and probably caricatural but he didn’t care - vision of therapists, and mostly because Katsuki had always been a kind of actions speak louder than words guys. Mumbling his feelings out didn’t seem like it would change anything. What he cared about, though, was Izuku. So if he could try to move forward, even the slightest, and prove to Deku he trusted him at the same time, Katsuki was all on fucking bord for that.
Izuku nodded after a second,like he was analyzing what Katsuki had stated.
“Fair enough. So,uh… when do you want to…?”
“Now.”
“Wait, you’re su-”
“I don't see how delaying it would change anything, and I refuse we start planning when we fuck.”
“It could give you some time to prepare yourself mentally, though.”
Katsuki tsked “I was born ready. Let’s get to the bedroom. I would have taken you there myself if it was not contrary to what we try to do.”
In the short trip to their room,Katsuki noticed his boyfriend was embarrassed, but paid no mind to it. Yes, the situation was a bit awkward but dwelling on it would just prolong it.
As they sat on their bed, Deku gently took his hand.
“Wait.”
“What?”
Katsuki was getting impatient. It was hard as it was to let this happen, why couldn’t they just get over with it ? An idea crossed the blond’s mind, making his throat dry.
“You don’t want to?” He asked, face carefully blank.
Fuck, he hadn’t even consider this. Maybe Deku was uncomfortable with getting intimate after their argument. They hadn’t had sex since it had happened and while the nerd had otherwise seemed normal, Katsuki wasn’t in his head. He couldn’t know what his partner was feeling.
Fuck, this was all wrong.
“We don’t have to if you’re…”
“I do !” Izuku replied quickly “But er, I think we should… talk ? Maybe ? Before we do anything ?” He rubbed the back of his neck “Setting some boundaries might be helpful. At least that’s what the sites I’ve consulted recommended.”
Katsuki mentally groaned. Of course he had nerd-searched it.
“Deku, we’re not fucking virgins. I know what you like and you know what I li-”
“Not in this, er... dynamic ?”
Crimson eyes glared daggers. “I’m not some shitty porcelain that will break if you hold me a little tight !”
“I know! I just…” Izuku sighted and Katsuki felt slightly crooked fingers entwining with his own. “I imagine this might be a lot for you, and I really want to help you if I can. So I want to make sure you live this in the best conditions possible. I don’t want to trigger any bad memories.”
“Isn’t it kinda the whole purpose ?” Katsuki snorted.
Izuku shook his head “No, the purpose is to make you see it’s totally different from your assaults and you don’t have to be scared by it.”
Katsuki’s throat dried up.
He could see how Izuku was determined to help him. How he cared for him. How everything he said was another way for him to state his love for Katsuki.
“I’m not scared, shitnerd.” If Deku noted the slight roughness of the blond’s voice, he didn’t say anything. “So, what do you suggest?”
Katsuki felt a reassuring pressure on his hand.
Izuku cleared his throat and spoke “First, we need a safe word. Something you’d say if you want to stop right on the spot if you feel overwhelmed, or if you need a breather. Apparently the traffic light system is really popular.”
A blond eyebrow quirked “The Hell ? Isn’t just stop or slow down enough ?”
“From what I’ve read, sometimes someone will say stop but don’t really want it to stop ? Not in a creepy rape culture way ! But uh, when they try new things in bed and especially -”
“Deku, that’s for consent play. So you can play a scene like you don’t want it without your partner stopping unless you say something you’d normally never say when fucking, like platypus or something. ”
Green eyes widened like saucers and freckled cheeks reddened “Wh-O-oh. Oh ! That’s like the exact opposite to - urgh. I… should have guessed. I did find it a bit weird but… a-anyway ! We don’t have to pick anything fancy but, erm. Still. Tell me if it’s too much.”
Katsuki wanted to groan - shit, he was not a fragile maiden on her wedding night !
“Can you not fucking make it like I’ll break in tears as soon as you’ll touch my ass ?!”
“About that… are you sure you want to…” Deku was blushing hard, still easily flustered when he talked about sex even if he was more than acquainted with it now. “ You know. Bottom.”
Katsuki’s head snapped.
“Are you kidding me? Isn’t it the whole goal of this ? You wanted to top, that’s why you talked to me in the first place !”
“Alright, first : the goal is to help you, and seconds: I didn’t want to top, I wanted to know why you never let me top.”
“But you -”
“We’re not doing this for me.” Izuku stated firmly “We’re doing this for you.” He marked a pause and squeezed Katsuki’s hand tight - the blond hadn’t noticed how tense his own muscles were. “When you told me about your PTSD, you said the thing that had frightened you the most was-”
“The lack of control.” Katsuki completed. “Yeah.”
“So if we start with this, it might be better to focus on one matter at the time.” Deku’s brows scrunched. “You also talked about the Sludge... infiltrating inside your body… and if I get it right, it’s also something that could trigger you, the whole penetration thing. My point is, we should aim for baby-steps and make it easy. So, like, you’re not in charge but you’re not the one penetrated either. Does it sound like a good balance to you ?”
“Deku, I’m not a fucking porcelain cup. I can handle all of it at once, dammit !”
Izuku rolled his eyes “You physically can, but at best it won’t help your PTSD, at worst it’ll make it bigger. We’re not risking your mental comfort just for your pride.”
Katsuki huffed, jaws tight. He was not nervous. He was not ! He had faced things far more intimidating than a little power play or some shit !
Hands cupped his face softly, making him look directly at his boyfriend.
“Kacchan. It’s going to be fine.”
“I know. Don’t talk to me like a fucking baby.” Katsuki grunted.
Still, his breathing came out a little easier as Deku tarced abstracted figures on his cheeks.
“Fine” The blond eventually conceded. “You call the shots and I top.”
“And we talk it through.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”
He leaned in, pressing his forehead against Izuku’s - a silent way for Katsuki to thank his boyfriend.
“Just so you know, I am really not in the mood right now, so you’re gonna have to work for it, nerd. Shitty memories aren’t really making it for me.”
“Hmmm… and if you see it as boundaries establishing to make sure we are both enjoying very consensual sex?” Izuku teased, letting both palms slided up the blond’s arms to his shoulders.
Katsuki’s lips twitched, amused. “Meh. Better, but still not it.”
Katsuki’s palm went for Izuku’s nape to pull him in a kiss, but a hand on his chest stopped him, gentle yet firm.
“You’re not in control, Kacchan.” Deku reminded, his lips tantalisingly close. “You touch where and when I tell you to.”
While he knew this was the goal of the exercise, Katsuki’s eyes squinted. He was not one to take orders easily.
“Getting straight to business, hu, Deku? So what, I’m supposed to just stay with my arms uselessly at my sides ?”
Izuku humed, guiding the other man’s hands on his hips “Your hands can stay here for now. I’m gonna kiss you, if that’s okay ?”
Katsuki rolled his eyes “And am I allowed to kiss you back or should I just let my mouth and tongue lax in fear of getting too domin- hmpf !”
Izuku had shut his sass with his lips. Katsuki responded instantly. The liplocking and gentle caress of tongues were familiar, and he wasn’t too bothered by having to keep his hands where they were. He rubbed tiny circles on the nerd’s hipbones, raked his nails softly on the fabric covered skin - he’d be damned if he let himself immobile like a starfish. The crooked fingers in his hair were nothing new, either, but still managed to make goosebumps raised on Katsuki’s skin
When they broke apart, Izuku was slightly out of breath, which made Katsuki’s smirk.
“Look like I’m still the one rocking your world, Deku.”
Izuku rolled his eyes and he lifted the blond’s black tank top, before throwing it blindly in the room. Warm latched on the blond’s neck.
On instinct, Katsuki’s hands flew to his boyfriend’s hair and pulled, not enough to really hurt, but enough to sting, trying to reciprocate the favor. He hadn’t even reached the white column of Deku’s throat that he found himself toppled over, sprawling gracelessly on their mattress.
Izuku was comfortably perched on him, holding loosely on the blond’s wrists.
"You’re really not gonna let it happen easily, are you?”
“I love when your nerdy ass gets it right.”
Izuku cocked an eyebrow “Should I tie you up, then ?”
A shiver went down Katsuki’s spine, and not in the good way. A flashback from his kidnapping - him bound in the crappy bar of the League, villains surrounding him - flashed in his brain.
It must have shown, as Izuku’s face went from playful to concern.
“Kacchan ? Crap, did it trigger you?”
“No.”
“Kacchan, don’t lie to me.”
“... Yes.” As Deku opened his mouth, Katsuki cut him quickly “But I don’t want to stop. ‘m fine with you holding me down like this, just... no actual fucking restrains.”
Izuku pecked him slightly and rubbed their noses softly.
“Okay. Hey… Can you describe me what you feel right now?”
“What, you’re fishing for compliments?”
Their fingers intertwined and Deku’s lips brushed against his “No, but I’ve read that focusing on the present sensations could help realise what’s happening now is different from what happened then.”
Oh. Made sense, actually: stating the feelings aloud would anchor him in the moment and emphasize the differences with his traumatic experiences. Still. No fucking way he’d wax poetry over Deku’s touch like a lovestruck teenager !
“Nah, don’t wanna puff your damn ego up.”
“You know what people say about the pot and the kettle ?” Izuku laughed.
Katsuki felt Izuku’s hips starting to undulate against his in a slow, teasing rhythm. While they still both had their pants on, the friction was very nice. Oh … He could definitely work with that.
Pleasure was starting to build like lazy lava from his groin, up to his lower stomach. The room was quiet, except from their breathing, which soon turned into panting. Katsuki could feel his sex awaking, desire growing gradually until the constrictness of his jeans became uncomfortable. From what he could feel, his boyfriend was in the same state. He licked his lips, allowing his lids to mildly close and his head to tilt in the slightest. They hadn’t done something like that since UA, back when they were clumsy and inexperienced, but that… wasn’t so bad actually… fuck, that was even really damn good -
And all of a sudden, Izuku stopped.
Crimson eyes shot wide open.
“Why the Hell did you -”
He tried to move but the grip on his wrist became tighter - far from painful, just a firm reminder. Deku was as strong as him and if he didn’t want Katsuki to get up, the blond wouldn’t easily ; they both knew it.
“I’ll move again if you do it.”
“Do - the whole describing thing?”
“Yep.”
“Fuck no !”
Like Hell Katsuki would do something so fucking lame! He was Ground Zero, Number One Hero (alright, the title was switching very often with Deku but still), not some blushing wimp !
“Too bad. Your loss.” And Deku shuffled so he could grind on Katsuki’s thigh without giving the blond any pleasure - the little shit even had the nerve to moan “You’re really sure?”
“Dekuuu…”
Katsuki attempted to surge forward, but the grip on his wrists blocked him.
“You don’t get to decide right now, Kacchan.” Izuku marked a pause and asked gently “Still okay ?”
A growl “I swear to God next time I’m gonna blow your mind so fucking much you’re gonna cry.”
A way for him to say yeah, he was okay - and Katsuki totally was and at the same time really not, because he didn’t want anything more than just to overthrow his boyfriend and work him over until the nerd was begging for mercy but - at the same time, seeing Izuku so confident was hot .
Not that he would admit it aloud.
Deku chuckled and leaned in yet stopped before their mouths could meet, to Katsuki’s greatest frustration. The blond tried to crane his neck to steal a kiss anyway, but it only resulted in Deku drawing back - not before letting his tongue glide wetly up Katsuki’s bottom lip to taunt him.
Katsuki was hard and wanting.
“Fine, dammit ! But I swear to God your ass is gonna regret it later !”
Deku let another breathy laugh, sending another pang of arousal - and a desire to knock the nerd off and make him beg because Katsuki was nothing but contradictory and he didn’t give a damn - running through the blond’s body.
His blood wasn’t lazy lava anymore, it was boiling up, eager to explode and consume.
“I feel… Your fingers against mine. Your crotch rutting like a teenager against my hips, which is maddening. And that's all since you’ve decide to be a fucking tease.”
He absolutely refused to get in a sappy listing. Katsuki felt Izuku’s smile against his neck as the nerd nuzzled him and worried his earlobe with his teeth.
“Mhm, that’s a start… What else?”
“You’re enjoying this too much, you damn nerd.”
“Maybe there’s a little payback playing.” Deku admitted, trailing his lips on Katsuki’s throat and angling their hips against the other’s “So far so good?”
“I’d be better if we took our clothes off.”
“Because it’ll help you be more comfortable or because you’re getting riled up?”
“Because I really want to get to the interesting part, dumbass !”
“Kacchan…” Izuku said with a warning nip on his shoulder, making the blond gasp.
“Yeah,yeah, I know. You call the shots.”
“Keep telling what you feel and I’ll take your pants off.”
“Urgh ! Fine !”
Vulnerability surged through him and he squeezed his eyes shut, wanting to escape it - but he had to confront it, this was what they were aiming at. He was okay, this vulnerability was okay, he kept repeating at himself. He was making love with Deku, not being attacked by some shitty villains.
And yet, his body was tensing. Izuku must have noticed, as he stopped his actions and locked eyes with him.
“Kacchan, you okay ?” Worry pinched his soft features. “Do you want us to stop ?”
“No, I’ll do it ! I know I can do it, I… I want to.”
Izuku kissed him slowly and Katsuki let himself be grounded by the reassuring contact. When they broke apart, Katsuki’s lips were tingling and Deku’s were swollen and red. Fuck did he looked beautiful.
“I love you.”
“Love you too nerd.”
Katsuki exhaled, hoping to vent out a bit of his stress with the breathing. Damn, he was not a fucking virgin, he could do this !
“I feel yours hands against mine. They’re… warm. And dry. The scars have a different texture, but it’s not a bad thing. I want to follow their lines with my tongue.”
This was different from the times he had been assaulted. The Sludge had been disgustingly wet and cold, like an overgrown slug. The contact with this fucker had been disgusting, and Katsuki had wanted to escape it. But with Deku, he wanted more touches, more pressure, he wanted to press the other’s body against his. This was… nice.
He felt Izuku shiver at his words. Katsuki knew his boyfriend was a bit insecure about his hands. Once the nerd had even admitted he thought they were ugly. But Katsuki loved the power, the proof of Deku’s growth and the story it carried. He remembered he had spent an entire night worshipping Deku’s hands after his confession, just to show him how fucking beautiful his hands were. And it reminded him how vulnerable Deku allowed himself to be with him.
Izuku started to peper kisses all over his chest, his stomach, his flanks, his pectorals, his collarbones.
“I feel your lips all over me - fuck, it’s so fucking cliché, I wanna throw up.” Katsuki mumbled, his cheeks heating. “I feel you bite lightly and kiss me and usually I’m the one doing it, I feel fucking useless laying there and just taking it.”
“But you don’t dislike it.”
“You’re touching me, of course I don’t dislike it, dumbass ! But I want to touch you too.” An especially hard suck on his pulse point had him throbbing.
“Maybe later. For now on, you let me do everything.” Katsuki absolutely did not lean in the rapid kiss because he wanted more, thank you very much. “I’m going to take your pants off and let go of your hands, but you can’t touch me or yourself.”
The blond didn’t allow himself to sigh when he was finally freed of his cloth, but only because he refused to give Deku this satisfaction - he could see the nerd was liking this way too much.
Katsuki would definitively plot revenge and make sure the other Hero couldn’t walk for a day the next time they’d fuck.
With Izuku’s hands letting go of his, the blond felt even more awkward : he was not the type to just lay there and take it like a fucking pillow princess !
The unexpected palm rubbing at his sex stopped brutally his train of thought, and he bucked in with a gasp. Finally being touched where he wanted the most felt good, so damn good.
If Katsuki had been in charge, he would have ordered the same thing, or even guided Deku’s hand himself. But this time, he was not the one in control and - that still made him twitchy. He knew perfectly his boyfriend wouldn’t do anything he didn’t like, wouldn’t force him in any way, and yet -
He started focusing back on Deku, his calloused hands mapping his body, the smell of their laundry printed on the sheets, Deku’s mouth so caring and respectful -
It clicked like a wheelwork finally finding its place.
Right here, right now, Katsuki wasn’t vulnerable - not really. Because he was with this shitty nerd that was also the love of his life. Because he had agreed to this situation, had wanted it. Because he trusted Deku and knew that if he said to stop, his boyfriend will immediately. Come to think about it, Katsuki was as much if not more in control of this than Deku. Katsuki had to say one word, and it was over. Katsuki had asked for it to start, and when to start. And contrary to the other times he had to follow someone else’s will, a villain’s will, Katsuki wasn’t being used. Just because Izuku was deciding at the moment didn’t mean he saw Katsuki as lesser or as a tool, just like Katsuki never saw his boyfriend as anything but his equal when himself was in charge.
This was not weakness, this was not using. This was strength and trust and fucking beautiful.
The underlying uneasiness that had laid under his skin until now shattered. It was like a weight had been taken off his chest.
He trusted Izuku and he wanted to finally free himself of these damn plague of memories.
Katsuki didn’t feel powerless anymore.
His muscles must have loosened, or maybe it was just Deku thinking he hadn’t coo him for too long, but his boyfriend praised “You’re doing really great, Kacchan !”
“I swear to God if you keep the virgin-like reassurance, I’m blowing your face up.”
Maybe it was something in Katsuki’s voice, in his posture, or perhaps Izuku just felt it thanks to some cliché miracle. But shifted in Izuku’s expression, the concern leaving. He had understood something had clicked in Katsuki’s head and while knowing Deku would probably keep an eye for any sign of newcomming tension, the blond could tell his boyfriend was onboard.
They could really have fun now.
Katsuki could call the whole thing off, since he was now more comfortable with the idea of not controlling everything - at least in bed. They could finish this with their usual scheme.
But… Katsuki had to admit he was curious. And once again, seeing Deku like this was super sexy. He did promised he’d let this lover in charge, and it’d be fucking rude to take his words back.
Still. Katsuki wasn’t one to just roll over easily.
“You’re a decent leader in the battle, yet you haven’t done a fucking thing since we started.” Katsuki smirked.
A green eyebrow arched “Really? Given our conditions, I’d say it’s pretty obvious who’s leading now. Or do you call this ” a firm squeeze at Katsuki’s erection, tearing a surprise moan of him “fucking nothing, like you said?”
Katsuki rolled his hips, trying to gain more pressure. His hands flew to his partner’s hips, eager to dig in the soft skin and let bruises.
A firm grip pushed him back, pining his wrists above his head.
The vulnerability wasn’t scary anymore. It turned him on because it made him want to prove who was the real dominant one. Let the volcano rumble until it explodes.
“That was close” Izuku giggled - actually giggled, the taunting lovable little shit “And here I was, about to tell you you could finally touch me...”
Izuku leaned close enough for his hot breath to fan over the blond’s face, mischief and love twinkling in green eyes and fuck, did Katsuki want to kiss him.
A quick nibble on Katsuki’s lower lip, so quick he couldn’t do anything except feel his desire sharpen “You won’t touch me for a little bit longer “Since you still don’t want to play by the rule, you’ll have to get a sanction. Sooo…” Scared hands gently guided Katsuki’s on either side of his head. “In fact… if you let go of the pillow, I’m leaving you alone and I finish myself in the bathroom.”
Katsuki’s eyes squinted “You wouldn’t dare !”
“Really ? You wanna test that out?”
Izuku twisted his hips again, making Katsuki’s bare erection rub against the coarse material of his jeans, reaping a low curse from the blond.
Yearning and lust was pooling excitedly in Katsuki’s veins.
“You know I’m gonna make you pay for that, nerd.”
“I know. But for now… Watch me.”
Deku’s grip loosened from Katsuki’s hands, roamed over his arms and torso, so light it made goosebumps erupt on Katsuki’s skin. They kept moving teasingly down on his lower stomach, gliding over his twitching hip bones to snake sensually up Izuku’s own body in the long caress Katsuki was desperate to make. They slid smoothly up to the collar of Izuku’s shirt, trailed on the tantalizing column of his throat then in his own messy curls as Deku threw his head, eyes shut while he kept rolling his hips.
“Kacchan… if only you had waited just a little more…” He teased in a soft, longing voice “I want you to touch me…”
Katsuki bit on his lips and his knuckles whitened as he squished the pillow harder between his fingers. He knew Izuku would totally keep on his promise to let him aching and wanting if he misbehaved again.
He watched with rapture as Izuku opened his scorching gaze and made bold eye-contact as he started to unbutton his shirt, one tiny damn button at a time.
As more pale skin and lean muscles were revealed, Katsuki’s self control started to fade. He ached with desire, and he was not used to wait. He took. Not this time though, and it was as excruciating as thrilling.
“Deku, let me touch you.” He said, voice rapt with hunger.
Izuku just hummed and parted his now opened shirt, exposing his upper body. His skin looked soft and was scattered with freckles that urged Katsuki to trace them with his tongue. His nails digged deeper in the pillow and he groaned.
“Deku….”
The other let out a breathy chuckle, and his face was so delighted, Katsuki wanted to kiss him and ravage him at the same time.
“Wait for me, Kacchan.”
Izuku toyed with the zipper of his jeans and looked coyly at Katsuki from under his too tlong eyelashes, taunting him with unsaid Yeah ? You want this? You want me ?
And fuck did Katsuki wanted.
Izuku took his pants and boxer off in a swift motion, finally as naked as Katsuki. The little shit didn’t stop there with his little show, letting one hand trail from his thigh to his hip and teasing at his own sex until finally giving himself a nice stroke, gasping. His other scarred hand moved all over his own body, nails racking up his abs, fingertips plucking at a perky nipple, palm dwelling on the expanse of skin Katsuki was dying to get his hands and mouth on.
His boyfriend had made nothing less than a fucking strip-tease and was touching himself on him, and Katsuki could only watch. The desire to pounce was getting stronger and stronger.
Following Izuku’s enticing movements with his eyes, Katsuki had realised his lover’s body was too immaculate. Because they hadn’t done anything in two weeks, there was no hickey, no bite mark, no fingertips prints on the freckled skin - something that never happened unless one of them was deployed in a far-off mission for several days. They both enjoyed adorning the other’s body with traces of their love making. Seeing Deku void of it made Katsuki feral.
The blond let a groan, half in warning half in desperation.
“Deku !”
“A-ah!” The little minx moaned, jaws slack with pleasure as he kept stroking himself. “ P-pass me the lube. Gonna prep myself.”
Katsuki growled in frustration - he absolutely loved getting his hands on Deku’s ass and get him ready with teasing, agonizing pleasure. Izuku was robbing him of this on purpose.
His sex throbbed and it took all of Katsuki’s restrain to not just give in, tackle his boyfriend on the matress and fuck him until the nerd begged twice for mercy.
His hands were trembling with excitement, slick with nitroglycerin, and he almost knocked the drawer of the bedside table off as he fumbled for the lube in it. Scarred fingers turned softly his head back to Izuku, making green pupils locked with crimson ones. Katsuki let a shaking huff of breath as Deku offered his hand, palm upward, expectantly.
Without a word, the blond squeezed the little plastic bottle, spurting a fair amount of viscous gel on his lover’s fingers.
“Warm it for me, Kacchan.” Izuku whispered, and his eyes were fucking beautiful, cloudy and shiny with lust and damn how Katsuki wanted to pounce on him.
Katsuki obeyed, desire coiled tight in his lower belly. Silently, almost reverently, he rubbed the jelly-like liquid back and forth on Deku’s knuckles, and in any other circumstances he wouldn't have find this as hot as he did now but dammit, it was the first time he was allowed to touch his lover since they had began and the contact of his skin was litting him on fire.
“Deku, let me kiss you.” The young man ordered, but his voice was already tinted with a hint of plead - not that he’d ever admit it.
Izuku only shook his curly head and retrieved his palm.
“I’m the one in charge for now, Kacchan.”
And it shouldn’t have sent such a zing of desire in Katsuki’s erection.
Deku stayed straddled on Katsuki’s hips, reached blindly with one hand behind himself and fuck .
He looked like the personification of desire. Cheeks red, a few curls sticking to his sweaty forehead, the red tip of his sex leaking copiously, looking absolutely debauched and ravaged as he prepped his own body, taking his pleasure on Katsuki, not needing his assistance in the slightest to feel good - Katsuki swallowed at the sharp eroticism of this indepedancy, at the lust the mere sight of the man he loved made bloom in him. And Hell was Izuku vocal, moaning and grunting, turning the practical aspect to lose himself in the pleasure it brought. A pleasure Katsuki could have been giving him, was giving him usually - the blond bit his own lip to stop himself from giving in and plead his boyfriend to let him fucking touch him.
And the blond couldn’t see either, when he was dying to watch his lover touching himself so shamelessly. The deprivation made his brain full of perverted questions. How many fingers Izuku had fit in his tight channel? Was his body already clenching in pleasure? Were his toes already curling? Was the fluttering eyes and opened mouth an act, even in the slightest, to taunt him ? Was his flesh as hot as Katsuki’s was?
His arms ached to surge forwards. He needed to get his hands on Izuku’s firm buttocks or in his disheveled curls, and his mouth on his sweat-slickened skin or his plum lips, to rock or grip his body, to try and make him melt against him, fuck he needed needed -
The sound of fabric tearing echoed somehow aloof in Katsuki’s ears, and he instantly deduced he must have torn the pillow but - to Hell with that.
“Deku… !”
“Just a bit more, Kacchan.” Izuku panted, breathless.
He almost cried in relief when Izuku stroked Katsuki’s erection, neglected until then. His lover’s grip was tight and warm, and the blond bucked up, holding on all his remaining sanity to not just throw himself at the other.
“Hurry the fuck up !”
“Do you want another penalty?” Izuku asked, though he didn’t stop his spreading of lube on Katsuki’s flesh.
“If you delay it one more time I swear to God I explode my own face !”
Katsuki saw Izuku’s trembling thighs raising as Deku positioned himself. Not penetrating but so close -
Izuku let a breathless chuckle.
“Such a drama queen, Kacchan.”
Katsuki’s snarky reply died on his lips as Izuku slowly impaled himself.
The blond cursed loudly, fist tightening on the shreds of pillow cover. Above him, Izuku was whimpering until he had guided the whole length inside him, slow but steady.
They were both breathless and stilled, Katsuki because he was trying to control himself and not come like a fucking teenager, Izuku probably to let himself adjust from the penetration. The nerd’s hands had moved to rest on Katsuki’s pectorals and his forehead to the blond’s.
Katsuki noticed he had his eyes closed and nuzzled him.
“Hey, Deku. You okay ?”
“Y-Yeah. ‘S just. Been a long time.”
Izuku’s breath was hot and ragged against Katsuki’s cheek.
“Kiss me, Kacchan.”
In any other circumstances Katsuki would have teased Izuku back, say something along the lines of not wanting to anymore, but now, Katsuki’s mouth slotted with greed on his lover’s pulse point, his chin, his parted lips, anywhere he could reach.
After a few moments, Katsuki felt Izuku starting to roll his hips shallowly. The tightness and warmth of him were barely bearable, but the friction ? It was going to kill him.
“Deku, let me touch you!” He was too close to begging for his liking.
“Not yet - ah !”
Izuku was slowly building a rhythm, lifting and lowering himself at a quickening pace until he was finally riding Katsuki fluidly.
The blond threw his head back, jaws clenched around a loud curse, brows furrowed. This was Hell. The most delicious form of torture that had ever fucking existed.
Katsuki needed to touch his lover, to get closer, to taste and hold and kiss and bite. Deku was fucking irresistible, eyebrows pinched and mouth in a perfect slack cercle. It was so warm and slick and tight inside of him, and the way he was just using Kacchan to get his own ecstasy, master of both of their pleasure - this was something that would normally have awoken Katsuki’s competitiveness, made him try to roll his lover over to fuck him even better, until Izuku would have take his power back and vice-versa until they’d climaxed.
Katsuki had never thought being so inactive, just sitting there watching Izuku, could be so erotic, that he could find any pleasure in it - and yet. The most wonderful ache was dancing in his whole being, and he would definitively let Deku in control again - after making him pay for all his teasing.
Maybe because he wanted to prove to his boyfriend how much he trusted and valued him, maybe because he was finally at ease with some degree of vulnerability - he didn’t care.
“D-Deku ! Izuku…!”
For maybe the first time in his entire life, Katsuki Bakugo was seconds to say please .
Green orbs clouded by lust peered at him under thick eyelashes, and Izuku must have known, the little shit, what with his soft yet victorious smile… !
“Now you can touch me, Kacchan…”
Katsuki had never moved so fast.
He kissed Deku with a frenzy close to desperation, his hands trying to cover every and all inches of tantalizing skin as his hips bucked frantically to chase the other’s. He tried to impregnate his lover’s taste on his tongue and the exact feeling of his flesh after having been deprived for so long - Katsuki was almost aggressive with it.
He straightened up and squatted down, making his erection slip off of his lover’s warmth as Izuku lost his balance ; but before Deku could fall backward, Katsuki’s hands settled on the freckled man’s hips and urged his body closer. He must have understood what the blond wanted, as he guided the hot flesh back inside himself with one trembling hand then sighed, looping his arms around the blond’s neck.
This way, they were flushed against the other, still facing so Katsuki could admire how beautiful Izuku was.
Difference was, with Izuku sitting thighs spread over each of Katsuki’s hips, the blond had the control now.
As he started to move under Deku’s willing body, Katsuki moans echoed his lover’s. This way, the penetration was deeper, and after being denied for so long, finally getting to touch Izuku was lighting a fire inside him. He wouldn’t last, fuck it was almost embarassing how he woudln’t last but he didn’t gave a damn because -
“Fuck fuck fuck, Deku, I love you you fucking -!”
“L-Love you too K-Kachahhh !”
One of Katsuki’s palm flew to Izuku’s sex, red and drooling on his stomach, and started the dance he knew to drove Deku crazy. He watched intently as his lover’s back arched and the sound of his whimpers and grunts grew quicker and sharper, until Katsuki felt warmth spluttering against his own flesh. At the same time, Izuku’s body grew even tighter and Katsuki’s vision went white with pleasure. Coupled with Deku’s eyes, shiny with his pupils so big the emerald had almost disappeared, Katsuki bucked one or two last time in the hot, pliant body above him before his own orgasm hitten him. He clenched tightly at his boyfriend’s waist, holding him close, gasping in his scent, not even understanding the sweet nothings Deku was saying to him but still perceiving his voice as waves of pleasure crashed through his whole body.
“Fuck…”
He slipped free of Deku’s body just as Deku’s thighs gave out and the freckled man collapsed heavily on him. Katsuki’s head was still swinging with stars so he only vaguely registered when Deku wiped his body with his shirt.
“... did so good Kacchan. I’m so proud of you, you’ve been so brave. I love you.”
Katsuki felt himself reddened, but was too tired to actually start a serious threat.
“Shut it with the pillowtalk. ‘S too damn sappy.”
A light chuckle answered him.
Usually Katsuki was the one to take care of Deku after their lovemaking, to clean him up and tell him how wonderful he had been. Because he loved taking care of his boyfriend after positively ruining him, of course, but also because being taken care of meant being vulnerable. This time, though, Katsuki was fine with being vulnerable. At least with Izuku.
Exhausted, the blond was already on his way to fall asleep when he felt a warm body nudging against him. He opened his arms to let Deku wedge himself in the embrace. Eyes closed, Katsuki breathed in the faint smell of apple as curls tickled his chin and the tip of his nose. He pressed a blind kiss on top of Deku’s head.
He was vulnerable, but he had never felt safer.
Maybe asking the help of a therapist wasn’t such a bad idea, after all.
“Hey, nerd. I love you.”
“Hmm… I love you too.”
“Still gonna make you pay next time we make love.”
He felt the lips against his collarbones curl in a smile.
“I can’t wait, Kacchan.”