Chapter Text
Heat.
Burning, lingering heat rippling up her arm is the last thing she can remember, when she comes to in her Ba's arms. His face, concerned and open and infuriating, is there as he looks down at her held against him and waits for her to arouse. The desire is there to push him away. To yell, or kick, or cry - all the things she wanted to do, and that Namaari had not.
Namaari.
With a heavy head, and heavier heart, Raya scans over to the spot the contingent from Fang had been gathered - finding only fading tracks in the sand. If she squints, their figures can be made out against the horizon; quicker off the mark than her Ba had bothered to be. Likely for the best, in respect of any possible persisting bad blood between them all. The guards from Heart still look disgruntled even now, with no adversaries near anymore.
A phantom hand still burns against her own, where Namaari had reached out and touched them together; but when she lifts it to look, there is nothing there. No burn, nor unwelcome marks, of any kind. But that heat still lingers, inked deep into her skin like the tattoos some of her people like to show off, sometimes.
Her inspection must not go unnoticed, as her Ba sighs. Takes her hand in his own, larger and calloused, and rubs over the skin there with a thumb. Like he used to do when she was younger, and would hold his hand with less argument than she has these last few years.
"It'll fade, in a few hours."
Briefly, she wants to lean into him, seeking the comfort offered there. Instead, she pulls her hand away and moves up onto slightly shaking legs to scowl down at him, where he remains in his seat on the sand.
"How could you do that to me!? I don't want to marry her!"
"It is for the best. You and Namaari are already fated together, you'll understand when you're older."
"I won't."
Chest heaving with a sigh and lifting his shoulders, and entire being, he struggles up onto his feet once more - favouring one leg slightly over the other, and sending a shock through Raya at seeing him do so, not unlike the arrow she had assisted in its task of injuring him. He moves towards her as if to offer comfort, hands raised to place themselves against her shoulders as he often does. A familiar gesture. A loving gesture.
The same one she saw him doing to Namaari, not long ago.
She recoils away from him and his attempt to do so, and it halts him. Both of them, standing there against one another - him in surprise, and her in hurt. The guards are watching them both, and truly, they have already caused enough of a debacle between them both for rumours and gossip lasting months, once they all return.
Ba will have warned them otherwise, but these things have a way of travelling regardless.
"I do believe you'll change your mind, in time. I wouldn't do something I thought would hurt you."
"Clearly."
Once again, Ba doesn't acknowledge her. He just turns away to return to his mount - shoulders low, frown tugging at his features.
A guard moves towards her, hesitant, and hands over the reigns to her own mount - smaller, and more wieldy, than the others. Accepting the reigns, she can't help pondering why they would have brought her a smaller one; she may be small, yes, but she has been riding full-sized ones for a while now...
But, then it dawns on her, and brings a welcome note of amusement to a very unwelcome day - it wasn't for her. Namaari must have had something resembling difficulty with the bigger ones. They're not like the ones they have back in Fang, as Raya has now seen, and the image of Namaari struggling with anything is almost enough to have her smiling.
Almost.
Not long after they begin moving, Ba up front and Raya trailing along stubborn at the back of the group, something sharp and poking against her leg draws her attention away from the land ahead. There is something in her pocket, and it takes some shifting around before she successfully fishes the jagged assailant out and away from her person.
And as soon as she does so, wishes she had just left it where it was.
In her hand, glittering teasingly under the high, blinding afternoon sun, lies the Sisu pendant from Namaari. The pendant she vividly remembers last seeing on her bedroom floor, after she had thrown it far away. All the same anger that had filled her that first time rushes back, inflaming the heat still encompassing her hand in the phantom shape of Namaari's fingers, ghosting over her skin; seemingly amplifying one another and drawing even more focus to the pendant held there, taunting her.
She wants to toss it, once more. Out, into the no man's land between their two kingdoms, where she won't see it again. And her hand lifts to do so, about to relieve herself of one unpleasant reminder of everything going on in her life right now.
Why should she care about some stupid girl from Fang?
Why does this stupid little necklace make her so angry?
And... why did stupid Namaari have it in her pocket?
Raya hasn't thrown it yet, paused mid-motion by her many, many questions of "why?" Why would Namaari have gone to the effort of retrieving it and bringing it all the way out here with her? It's not like she would have been able to keep it, once they swapped back with one another...
Even more so than that, she must have found it in the same spot it had been left - forgotten, beaten and abused, on the floor of Raya's bedroom. Did it hurt her heart, the way it hurt Raya's now, to see it there?
Did she know how it would make Raya feel now?
Raya certainly didn't. She certainly doesn't, staring down at the pendant in her hand as if it is going to answer her.
She still hasn't thrown it.
Something stops her, each time she moves to try and do so - Namaari wanted her to have it. Not just as an empty token as before, but now after, when there's nothing to be won; she had gone out of her way to have it here now. As to exactly why she would do such a thing, Raya does not know that either. Doesn't know if she wants to know.
She doesn't throw it.
It is replaced back in her pocket; poking her with uneven edges, and stinging her with uneven anger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her bedroom does not feel like her own, once she returns. Knowing it had housed Namaari for the previous few days is strange, confusing and distressing and violating. Some things are not where she usually keeps them, some things are missing entirely - nothing large or particularly important, but the thin blanket she had always tended towards on her bed is now gone and replaced by a thicker one.
Raya hadn't changed anything in Namaari's room, and had expected the same courtesy in return. And now, to discover that the opposite had been true this whole time...
Disrespectful.
A fourth word, hand-picked for Namaari. Where she had gotten the different bedding is a mystery, and why she needed it even more so - Heart is warmer than Fang. Sleeping under such a thick cover in the moist summer heat is unthinkable, bordering on a crime; and Raya had woken up sweating more times than she could count during her stay in Namaari's room.
And still, she hadn't dared request any changes.
Damn Ba, and his accommodating heart. Knowing him as she does, he most likely offered the opportunity for changes forthwith himself.
Raya does not have the energy to go looking for her own bedding now, it can wait until morning. Climbing onto her bed, Raya smiles for what may be the first time in days when Tuk Tuk appears from wherever he had been hiding, and she leans over to fetch him from the floor and bring him up next to her where he snuggles into her. He, at least, feels familiar as she runs her fingers over his skin, rough and smooth and comforting.
"I hope you made her know she wasn't welcome, bud. Not like anyone else here seems to have..."
Is it petty, to be so mad about such a thing? Perhaps. Does not mean she is going to stop.
After a time has passed, allowing herself to enjoy seeing her companion again, she moves to actually settle down to sleep - and is once more prevented from doing so by a now all too recognised sensation of something pointed in her pocket. Still, it simmers in her hand as she looks at it, beautiful even despite the emotions it continues to reap from her.
Again, she contemplates throwing it. Hearing it clash against the wall like it had the last time, where it will be left, no Namaari to pick it back up. No Namaari, to place it back into her hands, and herself back into Raya's thoughts.
She does not throw it, even as much as a part of her wants to. Because, it is just a part of her - the other, stuck in a bedroom many miles away, and whom seems to want her to have it.
Tuk Tuk by her side, she falls asleep on a pillow she didn't pick, with the necklace safe under it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Time passes, and Heart heals - beating strong again, as does her father. Leg mended under him, they continue Raya's training together; with a few harsh little lessons on responsibility.
No longer does he go so easy against her, blows coming faster as she grows. She's still not permitted back in the chamber of the Dragon Gem, the one and only punishment he has bestowed on her. The one and only punishment that would bite at her conscience for her carelessness.
He knows this, and so does she.
They train under the waning sun as the year grows ever colder, offset by the slowly recovering warmth between father and daughter. Raya remains bitter at him for offering her hand to the last person she wishes to have it, but she is beginning to understand.
Only a little, but it is a start.
As fast as she may be, she is still not fast enough - not now, that her Ba bears some more of his own speed on her and urges her to keep up. They are actions that would seem harsh before; but now, they have context. He wishes for her to be better prepared, for a future where he may not arrive in time to save her.
Harsh, but she understands.
Yet, understanding does not soften the impact, when he dislodges her footing from under her faster than she can recover - sending her sprawling back onto the stone before she can right herself. Brief, concerned panic crosses his face just as she goes down and hits her head hard. Hard enough to rattle her, and bringing with it a hissing warmth that tingles from the spot that connected with the ground...
A familiar warmth, one that had her searching for a blow there previously, on a day she wishes to forget. Her Ba's face appears above her, where he has crouched down by her side to fuss over her, apologies loud on his tongue and dull in her ears. And then, it comes. Not for long, and addled by a confused mind.
Another voice.
"...I know, mother. I can handle it..."
She is pulled gently upright, her Ba's strong arms bracing her upright on the stone as he continues to fret. A long moment passes, and her head clears of the other voice to give way to his.
"...I'm so sorry, I thought you would have had that move under retaliation! I wouldn't have done it if I'd thought... Are you okay, can you hear me, Raya?"
"I... yes, I can hear you. I'm okay, I think."
Sitting up more fully so as not to be so heavily leaning on him, she raises a hand to touch the spot on her skull that had suffered and hisses. A wrong move, as her father leans her further forward to inspect her and resumes his fretting. He braces an arm around her once more, lifting her gently up onto her feet. When she wobbles, he simply scoops her up into his arms, and she gives into the urge to cuddle into him this time.
"Come on, we need to get you checked over. I'm sorry, Dewdrop. It won't happen again."
"It's okay, Ba. I'll just have to get you back next time, now."
That manages to get a laugh from him, even smothered under worry as it. "That you will."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With the weight of distraction on her the first time it happened, Raya doesn't truly take notice of the mystery voice until it happens a second time. This time, fortunately for her and her health, it does not come at the calling of a head injury. No, instead it comes at the calling of nothing at all - flirting through her mind as she sits in one of the gardens, playing with Tuk Tuk.
It's only been a few months since she got him as a present, and already he's grown so much. Ba had been emphasising keeping him active as he does, so he remains strong as he matures. Curiously, an awfully similar approach to his own parenting technique regarding Raya. Given her companion's tendency to sleep and gorge himself when left to do so, it's sound advice.
"We don't need another lush around here, Tuk. Come on, you can do it."
Tuk Tuk chuffs at her, grumpy, as she tries to coax him into racing her ball across the grass. If her Ba were here, he'd likely comment something along the lines of him starting to resemble Raya with this attitude. Sometimes, you have to pull out the big swords to make a statement.
"Ba says I'm not allowed to keep feeding you treats if you won't do as you're told."
Another chuff, but he relents finally and rolls after her ball when she shoves it away - still slower than it, but at least he's making an effort now. All it took, was a threat to his full belly. Progress is progress, and something something about gift dragons and mouths.
As she rises to go fetch her ball, her mind rings clean with the voice once more, and freezes her mid-stride.
"Is that a good idea? It didn't work last time."
Clear of mind this time, Raya recognises the feminine tone and braces herself, glancing around the garden for its source. There is no sign of its owner, anywhere in sight. She and Tuk are completely alone, out on the grass and well out of earshot of anyone speaking near them both. Diligently, Raya searches around them still, just in case - and comes up short.
"I swear I just heard..."
There is no one here. No one, bar Tuk Tuk looking up at her with an expression far too close to judging; almost as if he knows what she's thinking... and, just maybe, Ba might be right about him picking up Raya's attitude from her. Again, he chuffs at her and she scowls down his way, hands on her hips at least a slight amount defensive.
"Oh, hush. Like you get to judge me."
If he could do so, Raya is certain he would have rolled his eyes at her and her posturing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She doesn't think much of it - sometimes, minds play tricks. And hers had received a decent knock fairly recently.
She doesn't think much of it, until it happens again.
And again.
And again.
And again...
There is no denying it, Namaari's voice floating crystal clear through her mind and pausing Raya at odd moments as she looks for her... betrothed nearby. She refuses to call her 'soulmate', in a continuing bout of stubborness and immaturity.
But, she's never there.
It happens enough times, that Raya understands. The strange warmth, that persists in her skull and had since she first set sights on Namaari in the crowd, often accompanying the words in her mind and granting a realisation.
This, this, must be their soul bond.
Every link is different, she knows. Her parents had been able to feel one another's pain, her grandparents able to share other things - sight, memories.
And her and Namaari, thoughts, it seems.
Little does it do to salve the slow-tended violation she feels when she thinks of Namaari, now hearing her voice in her head when she does not desire to. It comes with a wonder of its own - does Namaari hear her, too?
What does she feel, when she does?
Anger? Confusion?
...Happiness?
A part of her wants to know, and she does not know if that part is her own, or someone else's. Namaari, miles away in a strange and foreign kingdom, and plagued by thoughts of Raya, and of Raya's.
Late at night, she attempts to force it a few times - curiosity and frustration warring within, and looking for answers she does not understand why she is seeking. Eyes closed, breaths deep, tainted Sisu pendant in hand, she thinks herself out to that strange and foreign place where she knows Namaari to be. Pressing for an answer, recognition. Anything.
It does not come.
Eventually, she gives up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whatever link they share, it appears too young and disjointed to be reliable. Instead, it finds her consistently against her wishes. And does not find her, when she tries to seek it out for herself; a traitor-shaped parasite, in her very own mind.
How fitting, for a conflicted heart.
But, she does learn. Things she never asked, and never would have, about a kingdom faraway - through the lense of another. Unwitting thoughts and words offering an insider's insight to a whole other world.
It does not come fast, but it does come - in time. In bits, and fragments, and offhand sections of knowledge, but always there.
Fang is... struggling. Simple things that Raya takes for granted, in her budding and blooming home, are lacking elsewhere. Her thoughts drift to her first meeting with her fate, Namaari's statement about having never had something so simple and commonplace as rice haunting her.
"Are you sure? It might not be as bad as they are saying, we should send someone out to check..."
"Mother, this... it's bad. The people, they'll..."
"I think you have to. We owe it to everyone, to ask for help. Heart will understand. I know it."
Heart takes things for granted. She hadn't realised, would have never realised such a thing, otherwise.
Wouldn't have realised without her link to Namaari.
It may be why, when her father receives a missive from Fang about their worries of famine, of pests crippling their crops before the winter truly sets - Virana reaching across a tentative bridge of curdled feelings to do so - that she offers unexpected opinion towards help, where she would have likely demanded the opposite months prior.
And, for the first time in a long time, her father looks over towards her with pride in his eye, when she stands up in the meeting to do so. Wearing her still-bleeding Heart on her sleeve, and vouching for the needs of others who need their assistance.
Without Namaari, Raya would never have done such a thing.
Without Namaari, the girl who broke her trusting heart the first chance she had.
Without Namaari, and her stupid smile, and stupid hair, and stupid necklace - tucked safe in Raya's pocket these whole many months, where it has been since she received it.
Raya is thirteen, when she begins to understand.