Chapter Text
Dear Marco,
Arrived at the castle today. Jaeger was surprised that I came. I told him that you died. It just bothers me so much that no one saw it. That no one was there to help. It makes my nightmares worse not knowing how it happened. My mind comes up with so many ways that you could have died. Then I have to live through them in my dreams. And I can't do a damned thing about it. I've actually woke up some of the others with my nightmares. I tell them to go back to bed and not worry about me, then I lay in bed, not wanting to go back to sleep.
Armin tries to cheer me up a bit. He showed me a book about the world outside these walls. There was something called an ocean. It's like a lake, but so much bigger and its salty! The picture that was in the book looked amazing. I wish all of us could go there one day. Even Jaeger. Who knows, maybe we can one day. I guess that's what you have to do to keep going. Have hope. It gets so fucking hard sometimes.
Jaeger and I haven't gotten in any fights recently. Nothing really bad at least. We've all gotten more mature after the battle. I wish we didn't have to live like this. In constant fear and sadness. I guess you just have to make the best of things. But right now, I think I'll mourn just a little longer.
We go outside the walls tomorrow. I don't know if I'm ready or not but that doesn't matter... I carved your name into my sword handle for good luck. I hope I survive but there's a small part of me that wouldn't mind if I got to see you. I know that's a bad thing to think. It's the truth though. I guess I'm going to go now. Hopefully sleep peacefully but I doubt it. I'll write to you again, if not, I'll see you.
Jean