Chapter Text
I made a playlist for this fic!
Adora approached the war room with shaking legs, drumming her fingers together in a repetitive pattern. Though maybe it wasn't true, the whole world seemed to be on Adora's shoulders. Their loss was her failure, their deaths stained her hands and Adora bore all the guilt. The first meeting after a loss was arguably the worst - her name reflected in every mistake mentioned, even if it went unsaid.
Bow and Glimmer sat beside her, which should have been a comfort, but her own guilt outweighed it by far.
On a round table in the center of the room lay a map of Etheria, with the Fright Zone marked in red. Angella stood behind the table, in front of the tallest chair. Her husband, Michah died when Glimmer was only three, and Angella had been ruling alone ever since. During Adora's time at Brightmoon, she had become the closest thing to a mother she'd ever known.
The queen captured everyone's attention by clapping her hands together and continuing.
"This sword is an important family treasure to Adora, so I believe it is of the utmost importance that we retrieve it for her. Hopefully we shall conjure a plan that will guarantee that we can get it back safely."
Adora bit her lip and raised her hand. "Are you sure? Wouldn't it be too much of a risk to go into the fright zone just for a sword?"
"But it's not just a sword for you, Adora, is it?" She looked over and Adora avoided her eyes. "This is the only thing you have left of your family's legacy and I think that is worthy enough."
Adora smiled, wide eyed and bittersweet. "Thank you Angella. I promise I won't let you down."
Angela furrowed her brows. "Let me down? I wasn't aware that you were going to be fighting - Glimmer informed me of the injury you sustained the other day that made it difficult for you to walk."
Glimmer looked over at Adora, apologetic, and mouthed 'sorry'
Adora stood up and tried not to wince. "I don't want anyone to risk their safety if I'm not going alongside them. I'll be okay if we leave right now, and I'll be even better if we leave in the next couple of days." She tried her hardest to sound convincing, though she wasn't sure that she'd convinced herself. Angella raised her eyebrows, looking at Adora with interest.
"Bow, Glimmer? What do you have to say?"
Glimmer began, "If the wound has healed enough for her to be able to fight in the next two days, then I'll allow it." She looked over at Adora and smiled.
"We'll make sure she takes good care of it, your majesty!" Bow chimed in.
"Then it's settled," Angella agreed, "You can fight, as long as you take care of it well in the meantime."
"Okay, thank you!" Adora exhaled, smiling to herself.
__________
One week had passed since the last fight, and Adora ran, fighting her way through the Whispering Woods yet again. Her wound had healed 'just enough to be able to fight' according to Glimmer. If she reopened it she would be in for a major ' I told you so' scolding when she got back to the castle - she had no idea what they'd say if something worse happened.
Their plan was to ambush the Fright Zone while the guards were scarce so they could have easy access to break in. The Horde building had multiple entrances, but only two of those were close enough to the force captain's room where they assumed the weapon would be.
Glimmer and Bow were in charge of taking out any guards that would give them away, while Adora entered the building. They had backup in Bright Moon if needed - too many people would make it hard to keep their invasion contained.
Adora puzzled her way through the corridors until someone else's footsteps echoed down the hall. She pursued them, and a shadow darted before her - Adora didn't like to get distracted, but maybe this was a sign that she was one step closer to getting her sword back.
She walked and walked, until her feet were sore, and her arms shook like they would fail her at any second. There was something strange in the air that she couldn't quite decipher. It wasn't long until Adora realised she'd been walking the same circle over and over, with no sign of entrance or exit.
She stopped in her tracks when the sound of someone else's steps came down the hall again, and regrettably, she turned to face them.
They wore red and black armour, and wielded a sword not much different to Adora's though the gemstone was red, unlike her blue.
"Who are you?" Adora demanded, hoping the steadiness of her voice would deter them from attacking even just a little.
"That is none of your concern." She slowly approached where Adora stood.
"You. You have the sword, don't you?"
They nodded, pressing the palms of their hands together in front of their chest. "And you came for it. Exactly as we planned."
Planned? Adora's eyes widened. "So this is a trap? You took the sword to get me to come here?"
"Precisely. You catch on quick, Adora."
Adora grimaced at her name on her lips, taking a step back. "How- how do you know me?"
She laughed, "Everyone knows who you are, Adora. Leader of the Bright Moon knights, so courageous, selfless - and the key to us taking over once and for all."
Adora wanted to turn and run. She wanted to get out of here, go far, far away and never come back - but there was no escape. The corridor was an endless loop and no matter how hard or fast she tried her fate was inevitable.
The woman came close enough that Adora could hear her breath from behind her mask. Her hand reached to cover her face and though Adora tried to resist, everything around her faded away.
Adora woke to the sound of muffled talking and the sound of footsteps. She was vaguely aware her arms were restrained and her head ached, but still she couldn't see anything to make out where she was being kept.
They would know Adora woke by the rustling of the chains, so she tried to stay as still as she could muster, even in such an uncomfortable position - though it would only delay the inevitable. The Horde were going to do something awful and possibly irreversible. Adora felt sick thinking about the possibilities.
She sighed, and instantly bit down on her lip. Now whoever stood outside her cell knew she was awake. Soon the door unlocked and the room lit up - her eyes burned at the painful glare of the overhead lights. It wasn't helped by the dull ache in her forehead, which was only growing more and more painful by the minute.
The same woman she saw in the corridor previously entered her cell and looked Adora in the eyes. She held something in her hands, Adora couldn't make out what from her blurred vision, then everything erupted into chaos - cursing and shouting. Adora's adrenaline spiked and suddenly every muscle in her body was on fire. She gasped for air in the moment's break.
"What are you doing?"
"Something we should have done far sooner. It's a pity you weren't able to say goodbye to your friends." Adora couldn't see, but she could hear the smirk in her voice.
She was going to kill her.
Adora cried out again, louder, but no one took notice.
The woman didn't stop until Adora was too weak to scream. Maybe if she closed her eyes for a while it would be better. Not solved, definitely not easy, but better.
__________
Adora gasped awake, scrambling to sit up and ground herself. She was shocked she even woke up this time. She bore an unbearable pain that she was sure would never fade - definitely not better . There was nothing left to do now. She slumped over herself within the bounds of her cell, defeated, when the padding sound of agile feet became louder. So predictably like Catra's. She wasn't sure when she learned to recognise the weight of her footsteps.
"Aw did you miss me? I knew you'd come back for more." Catra taunted from behind the bars of the cell.
Adora turned to face her. "As if. We're both caught up in this mess, so it's not like I have much of a choice." She noticed her voice came out shakier and more hoarse than usual, and her eyes welled up.
"I suppose you're right." Catra hoped the guilt she felt didn't show on her face - Adora looked equally as bad as she sounded.
“Does it matter, anyway? We're supposed to be fighting."
Catra was surprised Adora had the energy to argue. She was stubborn like that after all. "If we're supposed to be fighting then why are you so calm?" She raised her eyebrows, satisfied with the look this put on Adora's face. Taunting her was the only other thing she could think to do right now, concern would seem insincere, considering what she'd allowed to happen.
"I- What is your problem?" Her eyebrows furrowed together so close they nearly touched. She thought Catra was here to deliver another round of something terrible, but clearly that wasn't what was happening.
"I don't have a problem with anything! Except you, maybe." She jabbed a finger in Adora's direction.
"Yeah, I figured." Adora folded her arms over her chest.
Catra played with the lighter grey section of her hair, "What are you even here for anyway - that dumb sword of yours?" She knew this already, by what Shadow Weaver told her, but there wasn't much else to talk about.
"Of course I'm here for the sword. I wouldn't come here willingly ." Adora spat, leaning as close to the door as her restraints would allow.
"Ha. Me neither."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Are you just going to stand there and not do anything? Don't you want me dead?"
"I-" Catra stopped in her tracks, looking at the ground. Her voice became quieter. "I wouldn't let them kill you."
"You wouldn't?" Adora's face softened a little, confused.
"Whatever. It's none of your business anyway. I didn't come here to make small talk with you."
"You seemed to like doing it a lot earlier," Adora replied, smug.
"Yeah, that was different . What, do you wanna talk about how lovely the weather is on this 'perfect planet'? Not that you can see what the weather is like from that cell."
"I don't think this planet is perfect. I've been through enough to know that isn't true."
"Oh." Catra opened her mouth to speak, but hesitated. Light glinted off a golden hilt at her waist.
"Wait. You have it?" Adora exclaimed, and leaned forward to get a closer look.
"Maybe,"
"You're just going to taunt me with it aren't you? That doesn't sound half bad after what that woman in red armour did to me yesterday."
"That's Shadow Weaver for you. I'm surprised you're still here" She looked down at the ground.
A lump grew in Adora's throat. "Me too." She sighed. "You said you wouldn't let them kill me, but I was so sure she would. What did you do?"
"None of your business, princess ." her demeanor changed to something more defensive. "Do you want my help or not?"
" Your help?" Adora looked conflicted.
Before either of them had a chance to change their minds she said, "Good."
Catra used the keys attached to her belt to unlock the cell and remove Adora's restraints. She noticed Adora grimacing as she tested the mobility of her wrists.
"Are your arms ok?"
"It's a bit late for that now," Adora murmured, continuing to massage the red rings that were left behind.
She folded her arms and held out the sword. "Okay, fine, I won't ask again."
Adora looked at her, wide eyed and fragile, one arm hesitating at her chest.
"What are you waiting for, just take it already!" At the demand Adora obliged. "I'm going to show you the way out. Don't speak of this to anyone. "
Adora nodded, but asked, "Why are you doing this?"
"I already said, it's none of your business, now follow me." Catra led the way towards the nearest exit.
"Wait-" Adora whispered, "I-"
"What?"
Adora's lip trembled and her hands shook. "I can't stand, Catra- I can't!" She didn't want to cry. Not like this.
"Shit." Catra dug her nails into the palms of her hands. "I have to get you out of here. I can help you up, your stupid friends are probably outside the fright zone right now looking for you."
Adora wrapped her arm around Catra's shoulders and leaned her weight onto her. "My friends… Aren't stupid."
Her legs could only hold a small amount of weight and she could see Catra struggling a little, though she tried to hide it. She had no idea what time it was, nor how long she'd been in the cell for, but all the corridors were empty as they walked to the exit.
"I don't think you're really in a position to be arguing with me right now."
Adora pouted, but didn't speak.
Once they exited the Fright Zone, Adora gratefully slumped to the ground. She didn't expect Catra to stay any longer than necessary, but was strangely glad when she joined her on the dirt floor.
"What are you staying for? Aren't you going to get caught?"
"I won't get caught. I'm just waiting til I can hear your dumb friends' voices and then I'm leaving, ok?"
And then she'd go back to the Fright Zone . Adora felt a small ache in her chest.
"Glimmer, I can see Adora!" Bow called out. Catra took this as her sign to leave.
"Bye, Adora." Her face was stained with guilt.
"Will I see you again?"
"On the battlefield, dork, people might start thinking I like you."
Perhaps her enemy did care, after all.
__________
It had been a difficult week - for Adora at least. She wasn't sure if she could enjoy the rest like everyone else seemed to. It came with guilt and pain and tears and Adora wasn't sure how much longer she could take it. After another long day of unwanted fussing and scolding she hauled herself back to her room.
There on her bed lay an envelope, a letter addressed from one of the enemy bases. The tiredness made her brain feel sluggish, and it took her a long time to make the connection. It was Catra.
The careful and cautious play would be to leave it, to forget she even saw it. But Adora didn't do careful; She hoped maybe this would be her chance at gaining any form of agency. From as young as she could remember every part of her life had been decided for her. Before anyone could tell her otherwise, she opened it.
Adora,
I think I've probably heard the sounds of you at the lowest moment of your life. The guilt in my hands is alive, something that was handed to me the moment I took and gave away your sword. I swore I'd never apologise to someone like you: someone who kept the war going and kept me caught up in this mess, but I don't think that means anything now I know you don't have a choice in this either. It isn't fair. But I'm sure you know that already.
I don't know why I'm telling you of all people, but it seems you're the only one who listens when I say things like this. When I'm around you, I feel like more than a tool for battle. We've been in orbit for a while now, and for once I hope that we never feel so far away as we did then ever again. There's no point in wishing I did something different - the past is the past - but maybe I can choose to do something different now.
Catra.
The letter hit Adora like a hammer blow, no less intense than jumping in the ocean during the freezing winter. She repeated the words over and over to herself like some kind of prayer, until they carved into her brain.
Maybe I can choose to do something different now.
__________
Glimmer suggested that Adora write down her thoughts, as a way to let her feelings out without anyone else knowing. Adora said she would, but truthfully, she'd never had any motivation or purpose for writing until now. After reading Catra's letter, the only thing on her mind was what she could write back. So she tried:
She wrote about Catra's calculated moves, her solitude and poise. The look of her clenched fist when it striked. She wished and wished that there would be no more war, so she could see her face reflected in the girl's eyes and not see fury or guilt.
Adora never found herself attached to things. She couldn't afford to; but this felt different; It claimed her earliest association, the battles and losses, and ever since that day there was never a time where she did not think of her.
She'd close her eyes and fantasise feeling at home, romanticise a simpler life. Beyond the gates of a cottage, grass moist from the spring growing up a garden of plants, and upwards, eastern redbud trees decorated with bubblegum blossoms that drift in the breeze. To touch Catra's hand and run her fingers through her hair. Adora didn't even know what it would feel like to do that, and on her worst days she would be haunted by the knowledge that she'd probably be dead before she could have the chance to know.
Adora would fight forever, wrestling her way through time. She would sacrifice herself over and over again for it to end.
In her heart of hearts she wished she could send her letter so Catra could read it, but it felt impossible to say what that would mean for them. Not to mention what would happen if they got caught. Eventually she'd have to let go, right? But the feelings were like the days and years, never stopping. Not even for an eternal war.