Chapter Text
Ajax was grateful to have a family who kept him busy enough from worrying about Lumine. Early in the morning, he woke up, prepared breakfast, and packed lunches for everyone. That took him about two hours. Then, his siblings walked to school alongside his father, who had started his job as a foreman in a coal processing plant. After cleaning the house and doing laundry, which took no less than four more hours, he went out to exercise in the woodland nearby. He couldn’t do it before since he would gather with his older brothers and sister in the living room and talked everything they could come up with.
Once he was done in the afternoon, he would visit the market and some general stores to buy ingredients for dinner. The kids would be there by the time he got home, so they would help him clean and chop the vegetables. They timed it perfectly with their father’s return so they all could enjoy a warm meal and share everything they did throughout the day. As he washed the dishes, his father took a bath first, followed by his younger siblings, and he was the last one. The day ended with them going to their own rooms and sleep.
Solitude made people brood, but he was always too exhausted for it. Another reason he could have a peaceful rest was a conviction that Lumine wouldn’t answer him. However, her letter arrived two days later, and he must be lucky his father didn’t see how he gasped upon checking the post box and beamed with joy when reading her name again. He couldn’t even wait to get inside the house before opening the letter. Thank you for your quick response. As you should notice from my address, I’m in Inazuma. Just like what happened in Mondstadt and Liyue, I’ll also be staying here for at least three months. I’ll be happy if you can visit me.
Perhaps he was a hopeless romantic, but there was something different about her phrasing. She sounded desperate. It was like she insisted he come but was too shy to be forthright, hence the implication of “I’ll be here for a while, so you can always find me”. He could understand why she did that because it was precisely what he did before; he pretended as if hearing from her didn’t tug at his heartstrings. As he walked back to the house, he kept rereading the letter as if more lines would magically appear if he stared long enough.
But why would she do that after being the one who told him to stop? Did she regret what she did? Did she miss him, or did she just pity him because of what happened with his mother? Would she still send a letter if his mother hadn’t passed away? If she would, then for how long had she been contemplating the decision? Unfortunately, he knew that she would have been overwhelmed if he had asked her those questions. He could have lost her forever, and that would have been the worst ending they could have.
“What? Did she actually like you back, but something made her give up?” The next thing he knew, he had been drinking again with Callias in the same tavern as the night he whined about Lumine’s cruelness. He was calmer, even looking content since among all the things his brother could say, he chose to go with something encouraging.
“I should go. Should I go? What do you think I should do?” he mumbled out. He had drunk several glasses of Fire-Water, the so-called world’s strongest liquor originated from Snezhnaya. Although his tolerance was higher than regular drinkers, his consciousness would eventually falter if he consumed a dozen of them.
“It’s your call. It doesn’t have anything to do with me. More importantly, I don’t want to take the blame if it didn’t turn out well,” Callias said.
“Tell me something! Anything! I’ll listen to you!” Ajax exclaimed before chugging his drink again and placing the glass down harshly. “Come on, Callias! You decide for me! I’ll do it, and I swear I won’t blame you!”
Callias chuckled before sipping his own mix softly. “Fine. Don’t meet her.”
Ajax glowered in annoyance. “Really? Why?”
“Because what if she isn’t serious? Prioritize yourself. Save yourself from another heartbreak. Don’t do it.”
“But what if she is serious? What if she did like me back, but something changed her mind?”
“Still. Don’t do it.”
“But I’m willing to take the risk!” Ajax shouted and closed his mouth when he realized that Callias had been playing with him. It was a brilliant trick, but he couldn’t bring himself to laugh and opted to bury his face in his arms on the table. “Ha-ha. You’re clever, aren’t you? Nikon and Eunice would never do that,” he added after a short while.
“This isn’t my first time handling this kind of scenario. Just follow your heart. It’s cliché, but it’s true to some extent,” Callias said. “I mean, the last time you did, you disappeared for three days and came back as a murder machine, but it did make you strong, didn’t it? If you hadn’t followed your heart that day, you would have worked behind the desk. You would have been afraid to walk home alone after sunset. Our family wouldn’t have lived in the largest house in the entire village that should have been called a mansion instead.”
“Now you’re just being obnoxious,” Ajax grumbled, causing Callias to laugh again, but the air between them was pleasant. It might be the burning effect of the alcohol, but Ajax felt satisfied with what came out of the conversation. The loud and cramped tavern felt cozy. It was as if he had overslept, and his beloved person, maybe his mother, had put a blanket around his shoulders and kept watch over him.
When morning came and their heads were cleared up, Callias gave Ajax another advice over two cups of coffee; Have some self-respect. Don’t make it too obvious. Ajax understood what it meant, so he went home to Morepesok and waited around ten days after receiving Lumine’s last letter before writing her back to make it seem like he was swamped with work. I’ve been assigned to oversee new recruits in Inazuma. It’ll start next week. We can hang around when I’m free. Does that sound good to you? Following Callias’ wisdom, he had to lie.
He expected an okay or something similar, but her response only increased the possibility of her hidden desire; That sounds wonderful. Can I pick you up at the port? She had never been that sweet before. So, happily, he informed her of his approximate arrival date, packed his stuff including the Sea Mist candle, and hopped onto the Fatui’s private ship when it was the time, using “taking a further rest” as an excuse every time the other diplomats asked why he was already out and about when the higher-ups said he was still taking a break.
None of his colleagues would believe him, especially his fellow Harbingers. Since the beginning, they had noticed how he had always had a soft spot for Lumine. She’s a hindrance to the Tsaritsa’s goal. You can’t form a deeper relationship with her, Pulcinella would say while dramatically shaking his head. He never cared, and no one dared to threaten him because they needed him more than he did them. The benefits given to the Harbingers were otherworldly, but he could easily find another employer that could utilize his ability for a worse scenario than Lumine’s existence to the Fatui.
“Sir, do you know that that traveler is in Inazuma?” An agent, probably around ten years older than Ajax, had asked him when they played the mill game that he borrowed from the storage at one of the tables situated on the front deck. They had only spoken a handful of times, but nobody else was around and available to accompany him.
“Yes. I was told before. Why?” Ajax calmly replied as he moved his piece forward on the board. Maybe it wasn’t the best answer because sooner or later, they all would see him walking around the city with Lumine again. Then again, it didn’t really matter because he was the senior in the organization. Those agents wouldn’t have the right to reprimand him.
“Oh, uh, didn’t you have a crush on her?” the agent proceeded before chuckling awkwardly when he perceived Ajax’s glare. “I-I just heard that you two used to be close when you had that mission in Liyue. Some said that you did it because you tried to gain some intel from her, but others said you did like her. Never mind. I’m sorry. Please forget this conversation.”
Ajax raised his brows because he had never heard the first part before. It did start that way, but he kept inviting her out afterward because he enjoyed her company. At least for him, it shifted into something more than using her for his job. He knew people were free to run their mouths, but he wondered if she also thought of it too. If she did, then it could be a solid reason to sever ties with someone. He sighed and stared at the board game, thinking that the list of questions he would ask her only got longer.
Two days later, he arrived in Ritou, Inazuma’s port of entry, where even the Fatui was required to use before getting into the nation. It was around midnight. He didn’t expect her to be around because she must have spent the entire day running back and forth like an adventurer she was. The trip tired him out as well, so he wouldn’t mind resting and meeting her in the following morning—it wouldn’t be hard to find out where she had been staying in—but the first thing he did after stepping off the ship was look around. Only a handful of people were awake, mostly the officers who checked on everyone’s permits.
The Fatui members were exempted from the hassle that could send people straight to the prison if they weren’t careful, but there were still papers being involved, and they had to through the screening in a group so no ingenious stranger could pretend to be one of them. Ajax’s eyes kept searching for the figure he wanted to see the most throughout the entire process. Ritou was the only official port in the nation. She wouldn’t be silly enough to go somewhere else, so his first assumption must be right; she must be resting.
Passing through the guarded entrance, the group was greeted by wheat fields on each side of the dirt road to Konda Village before reaching the capital city. The melodious chirping of crickets hiding between the grass could be heard from everywhere. Alongside some night butterflies flying around several rows of otogi trees, those didn’t exist in Snezhnaya because the weather was too cold for them to live. Perhaps some special types of butterflies were strong enough to survive through the snow and frost, but he was never aware of them.
“Huh?” A few minutes into the walk, he stopped in his tracks when something sharp and tiny hit the back of his head. His reaction startled the rest of the people, but before he could inquire about it, he spotted a beautiful blonde girl standing under one of the otogi trees. His heart skipped a beat when she smiled and waved her hand at him. A second later, she retreated from the place until he couldn’t see the top of her head anymore. Lumine. She was there, waiting for him.
“Sir? Are you okay?” asked one of the men.
“You guys go first. Take my luggage with you.” He couldn’t take his eyes off the same spot, even though it was empty, and he knew where Lumine was heading. “I have something to do.”
“What? Where—”
“I just saw something that I’ve been meaning to catch. Go. See you. Bye.” He didn’t wait for another person to say another word before he dashed toward the field. He thought he was dreaming. After all, she appeared out of nowhere like a fairy who only showed themselves to the luckiest people and fled because she was afraid to cause a scene, but his worry vanished when she stood on the riverbank, giving him another grin like she had discovered a secret place for them.
“Childe,” she kindly called his nickname when the distance between them was only five to six feet. He clenched his fists, knowing full well that he must be staring at her like he was about to cry. He missed this—her voice, her golden eyes, her small nose, everything about her. The moment was like recovering a personal journal that he thought had been destroyed and flipping through the pages of wishes that he had forgotten in a while. It was painful not to leap at her and embrace her tighter than he had ever embraced anyone.
“Lumine,” he called her back after being silent. “What are you doing here? Where’s Paimon? I thought you were too tired to come.”
Her smile deepened before she answered, “Paimon’s asleep in the Kamisato Estate. We’ve been living there. Sorry, I hit you with a rock. I had to do something subtle so you would notice me because I couldn’t just jump in front of your friends. The Fatui and I don’t exactly get along, right? I thought I would have to try it a few times before you looked my way.”
“The aim was exceptional, but it wasn’t surprising coming from you,” he cooed. She curled her lips, presumably from feeling modest, before walking past him and climbing the short hill to hit the main road. He had no choice but to trail behind her, maintaining the same distance as before. They used to walk side by side, but things were different then. He could see his group from far ahead. They wouldn’t see him even if they turned around and squinted.
“Are you staying in Inazuma City? I saw some Fatui people staying in this extremely expensive inn,” she said. The gentle wind brushed against their skin and swayed her hair that hadn’t grown longer. She must have trimmed them periodically, but his attention was fixated on the way she hugged herself because she only had a thin jacket that didn’t reach her knees. It was a reckless decision because even though snow hadn’t fallen on the island, the weather wasn’t too friendly. He still wore the same coat since he departed from Snezhnaya, but he couldn’t just remove it and put it around her.
“Yes. Anyway, how are you, Lumine? You look just the same as the last time I saw you,” he proceeded. If it was a year ago when they were in the streets of Liyue Harbor, he would go with “you look just as breathtaking as the last time I saw you”. In all fairness, they used to be louder and crazier like the best of friends who had known each other for years instead of weeks. Sadly that night, people who didn’t know them would think that they were strangers who had a terrible misunderstanding in Ritou and were forced to stick together until they got to the city.
“I think I’m doing well. You look skinnier. Have you not been eating well?” she asked.
“Really? You’re the first person who told me that.”
She chuckled. “Maybe I’m just imagining things, then. How are Teucer and your family?”
“They’re good. My older siblings and my father have started work, and the kids have started school. Tonia can talk about our mother without crying.”
“Oh. That’s nice. I’m sorry to ask this, but how do you feel about your mother?”
“I’m still trying to process it.” He was truthful to her, and he knew why. All he wanted that night was for her to realize how much he needed solace. He wanted her to stop walking, turn around, and hug him, perhaps also assure him that everything would be okay soon because she would find ways to make the most of his days until he could joke about the stupid things his mother did without grimacing.
“Did they force you to work?”
“Who?”
“The Fatui, of course. Who else?”
“No, it’s just—I can’t just stay at home doing nothing,” he told half a lie. He did keep searching for activities to distract himself from grieving too much, but he was also seeking a chance to be with her again.
She let out a softer laugh. “That sounds just like you. You aren’t the kind of person who can stay still for that long. I think we’re similar in that aspect. Yes, if I were you, I would have done the same thing.”
“I can’t disagree with that.”
“Oh, do you want to have breakfast together in the morning? Paimon was kind of rude, you know. She told me that she’s the most excited to see you again because she’s missed being treated to restaurants that we can’t typically afford. You never refused anything she wanted to have, so no wonder she became like that.”
He was silent throughout the rest of their chit-chat, letting her prattle on about everything she could think of. From stories about people he would never meet to recent problems in the stores he would never visit, she only stopped when she had to catch her breath. Both of them weren’t idiots. They should be aware that they were behaving strangely. He used to be the one talking and making fun incessantly while she smiled and only spoke when she had to. It was as if their roles had been reversed, which made him believe that she was, in fact, just as troubled as him.
Something insisted he cut to the chase. She was bold when putting down those damaging words from months ago, but it was just a letter. He couldn’t compare her sitting alone at a desk where she carefully could choose and erase her words to speaking face-to-face where everything was spontaneous. Even the timidest person could appear the bravest through writing, and seeing her act differently than usual only supported the assumption that she could be hoping for him to take the first step.
“Lumine.” His tone dropped as he stopped walking for the second time in the past fifteen minutes or so. It had only been a moment, but the tension would only hurt more the longer he let it be. “I don’t mind having breakfast with you and Paimon, but before that, are we going to pretend that nothing happened between us?”
She quickly stopped like him, but it took her a while to face him. Compared to when she acted playful on the riverbank, she looked like she just received the worst death news in her life. “I’m not planning to,” she murmured before taking a deep breath. “About that. Childe, uh, I—”
“Lumine, I can guarantee you that I haven’t changed,” he stated. “What I told you before. None of that has changed.”
She slightly widened her eyes before her gaze dropped to the ground. “I figured.”
“Aren’t you the same?”
She didn’t wait for a second to nod her head. “I’m sorry. I hurt you, didn’t I?”
He was taken aback by her question, so he huffed nervously. “You should know the answer.”
“Oh. Yes.” She began fiddling with her fingers. Everything about her only screamed fear and hesitation. “I shouldn’t have done that. Really, I’m sorry.”
“What does that even mean?” Although he sounded calm and collected, his heart was akin to a churning tide, filled with uncertainty, fright, and slight anger, just like after he was informed of his mother’s death. His tongue was stiff. He couldn’t speak more. He couldn’t begin explaining how “sorry” wouldn’t suffice after everything he did to bury his emotion for almost seven months.
“I felt guilty—I still do,” she continued. “You were really generous and helpful to me, yet I—”
“Lumine, stop beating around the bush,” he interrupted her again. “If you regret what you did to me, then be honest and get to the point.”
“I hope we can become friends again!” she blurted out, eyes still averted away from him. Although he knew that loving him back was too much, he still felt his stomach drop after hearing her wish.
“Friends?” he made sure.
She nodded. “I know we’ll always have our differences, but I had the best time with you in Liyue. I wanted to reach out to you again, but I didn’t know how, and I didn’t know if that would be fine. I thought you hated me because you didn’t respond to my last letter. Even Paimon thought so too. I tried to forget and move on, but when I heard about your mother’s death, I knew it was the perfect chance to send you something. I was happy when you said that you had been assigned to work in Inazuma, so Childe, will you…?”
Truly, everything that came out of her mouth wasn’t what he wanted, but he was too desperate to complain. He heaved a sigh before taking off his coat, walking a few steps forward, and putting it around her. She tried to say something, but he stroked the top of her head and went past her. The road was empty and serene. There weren’t many buildings surrounding them, and the streetlights did nothing to warm them up. However, a Snezhnayan man like him was more adept at living in cold places. He was supposed to hate her, but all he could think about was how he would rather be the one suffering from frostbite.
“C-Childe, I’m sorry,” she said as she ran so she could be right next to him. He was twice her size and almost twice her height, so the way she nestled in his big coat made her look like she was smuggling goods inside. It was a funny sight. He would have laughed if his heart hadn’t throbbed with agony.
“I never hated you,” he cooed. If he hadn’t been in his right mind, he would have added, “Instead, I’ve always held you dearly in my heart”. Thankfully, he wasn’t too bone-tired to use his brain.
“Thank you.” She went silent before chuckling. “Childe, do you know about a place full of cats in Watatsumi Island?”
So that was what she did until they arrived at the final intersection before the city’s gate; she described her whole experience stumbling upon a talking black cat that ordered her to rebuild its shrine on the western hill of the island. She played with other normal cats, found some missing cats, fed more cats, and the stories could be confirmed by the two adventurers she met during the journey. When he said that he had never been there and he preferred dogs to cats, she gasped and insisted that she could change his mind once he got there, unintentionally making a promise to bring him to what seemed like her favorite place in the whole nation.
Kamisato Estate was located high up on the private hill in the north of Inazuma City. He had visited the place before, so he precisely knew how the fastest and safest way was through Chinju Forest that had way too many slopes and slippery rocks. He offered to walk her there even though they both knew she could take care of herself better than most Fatui agents, so he understood when she refused. She also reminded him that she was a veteran fighter who wouldn’t get hurt that easily.
“Where and when should we meet in the morning?” she asked after returning his coat.
“We need to rest as much as possible. How about at ten? In the Adventurers’ Guild?” he suggested.
“All right.” She grinned. “Thank you, Childe. Please sleep well.”
“You too,” he said, wearing his coat as he watched her leave. He continued his way to the city, noticing how his heart was thumping loudly. Soon enough, the faint smell of plums and roses reached his nose. Back in Liyue, it was citrus and grass. He liked the newest one more, so as soon as he arrived at his hotel and was shown to his room, he took off his coat and sniffed the remaining of her scent. That was another moment when he thought he would cry again because he hoped he hadn’t been in love with her.