Chapter Text
The woman behind the counter looked at him strangely when he asked her for the best books about angelic mating rituals, the mating process and the bond. She probably thought he was one of them and should know all of that already.
But in the end he got all his books and he got himself a computer, fighting off an older student – he actually just glared at him long enough – to get his hands on it.
First of all Sam needed to find out what Castiel had meant when he had spoken about an archangel. Sam had heard that word, but he had no real idea what it meant; given that he tried to stay away from anything angelic that was no surprise. He knew what he needed to know to avoid them or get them to leave him alone, but he didn't want to know anything more.
If he was honest with himself Sam knew that the main reason for that was that he was afraid that he would find anything that made him like or understand them more. He wanted to hate angels, pure and simple as that. It made all of this more bearable.
It didn't take Sam long to find what an Archangel was; they even had their own damn Wikipedia page and Sam wondered how it was possible that he had never heard about them.
After spending half an hour on the mass of information that Wikipedia alone offered, Sam knew that Archangels were angels in which the genes that made the winged bastards stronger and just physically more advanced where mutated and even stronger than in normal angels.
There were a lot of theories how it worked, but Sam didn't really have the calm to sit down and read through them all. It didn't matter what caused the change – at least not now – all he needed to know was that apparently Lucifer was considered some kind of freak himself.
If you could believe the internet they were accepted and respected for their strength and their senses, but they weren't considered as angels who should mate and give their genetic material to further generations. They were useful, but they weren't pure.
Upon further research he found out that most Archangels worked in the armed forces or police services and that it was often hard for them to find 'normal' jobs because they were considered to be prone to violence.
If Lucifer was any indication, those public opinions were probably right for a change, but Sam had been the victim of bias often enough himself so he pushed the thought down as soon as it came up.
Okay. So Lucifer was an Archangel and he wasn't supposed to mate; well, Sam wasn't either so that wasn't a real problem.
He wondered if Lucifer had been in the army, too. It would make sense since he definitely was older than most of the other students and sometimes he moved in a way that had Sam thinking that he was hurting – of course he never said anything, mostly because he was sure that Lucifer was only letting his armor slip when he was sure Sam wasn't watching.
And it would explain why the other angels avoided him even more, it was said that death was one of the things angels could smell, though if you asked Sam that was utter bullshit.
As many Archangel's Lucifer had joined the Air Force and there was not much to be found about him but the medals he had been given told Sam enough while at the same time he longed to know more about the angel he saw as his.
He only knew that Lucifer had been a Master Sergeant within the Air Force and had received several medals. The Prisoner of War Medal alone said a lot, as did the Medal of Honor about which Sam had never know nor imagined.
Something horrible had happened to Lucifer, maybe he didn't see it that way, maybe for him it had been just another wound or just another fight but everything Sam had seen of him in the last days, month actually confirmed his initial reaction.
Something horrible had happened to Lucifer and suddenly Sam felt the burning urge to protect him, to make sure he was never hurt again. But to do this he first needed to know what the hell was going on and so he clamped down on his more primal urges and continued his research.
The whole mating bond thing was a bit more complicated. It apparently had a lot to do with matching genes and the best possible children that could come out of the union; it functioned on a broader lock and key model.
There wasn't only one mate for each angel, but the future mate had to have certain molecular structures that fit the ones of the angel for the scent to form. Sam only understood half of what the
books and the internet said, but if he went with the simple school explanation, it was basically a biological – and as some scientist believed – emotional match between the two individuals forming the bond.
How anyone could ever get the stupid idea that he and Lucifer were biologically compatible Sam didn't know. He was a half-breed, he wasn't pure, he wasn't right, neither when it came to angels nor when it came to humans.
But apparently they had to match, otherwise there would be no bond, no matter how much they liked each other – which they didn't, mind you.
Very much not satisfied with the fact that he could actually be a match for an angel, Sam went to the next theme on his list, taking a short break to calm down his wings that had puffed up and started to thrash a bit, though he didn't really know if it was in annoyance and anger or excitement.
Better not to think about it too much.
Looking up angelic mating behavior was more than a little uncomfortable and weird, but Sam forced himself to not just shut the computer down and run away. He needed to know if he had missed the giant pink elephant in the room for the last few month!
And yeah, apparently he had. At least that was his conclusion after about three hours of research.
All those little gestures like bringing him food and sitting together with him to eat it had been to show him that Lucifer cared for him, that he could provide for him and that he liked being close to him.
Bringing food for another angel was a gesture that was deeply embedded in the angelic genes; it was an urge that most scientists were sure came from the time where a partner providing with food was still necessary.
So Lucifer had basically been trying to show him that he could care for Sam. The whole grooming thing had something to do with that too, though only the part where it was about cleaning.
When he had groomed Sam's wings until Sam was asleep it had been entirely about affection. Never really learning much about his wings, Sam had only been dimly aware of the trust and intimacy it showed to let someone touch your wings when they didn't need to be groomed.
By letting Lucifer do it every night he had wordlessly told him that his affection and attention was welcome and wanted, that he should continue because he liked this and maybe it would mean he would consider more.
What made Sam feel like the biggest asshole in the world was that by blanketing Sam with his wing Lucifer hadn't only lavished even more affection onto him, but had also silently asked for Sam to touch him too, to return what Lucifer was giving him.
And Sam never had, not really. He had laid a hand on the wings, burrowing his fingers in the feathers. It had been barely enough to sooth Lucifer, but apparently even the smallest touches could show interest and Sam was pretty sure that Lucifer was stubborn enough to just silently suffer through the small hope that was given to him every night.
The violence with which he reacted towards Zachariah was easily explained too. For one Sam saw Lucifer as his and Archangels were very territorial. He didn't want to see anyone close to what was 'his', but most of all he wanted to protect Sam at every cost.
Sam had no doubt that he would have killed Zachariah without blinking and without remorse.
What had happened this morning had only shown how desperate Lucifer was for Sam to acknowledge what they had and give in return. It was an open gesture and one normally not shared before both future mates had grown close together, but Sam had been an asshole and Lucifer had just tried to get something he probably needed as desperately as Sam had before he had so selfishly taken everything that had been offered.
And all that just made it clearer to him how deeply hurt Lucifer was and how much he hated himself for hurting him even more. The strange urge to protect had only grown stronger and was now filled with a longing he had never felt before.
When he finally shut the computer down, Sam had a headache and he felt like the biggest ass in the world. Right next to the little voice in the back of his head that was telling him he was supposed to freak the fuck out.
Lucifer was interested in him. He really was, not just some pretend thing, not a ploy to hurt him, but the real deal. There was no way Lucifer would be able to hurt him without hurting himself, not with the bond forming. He would... he would be there forever.
The thought should have probably frightened him, being together with Lucifer, with an angel, forever. With someone that had been cold and distant with him most of the time, but at the same time the most caring person Sam had ever met outside his family, always ready to care for him and offer him the only kind of intimacy he knew.
But it didn't really, instead it made something in him flutter, feeling warm. The warm feeling was probably the scariest part of all. Until now he had ignored the part where both he and Lucifer had to feel drawn to each other for the bond to form.
He had treated it like a problem he could solve. But there was nothing to be solved here, nothing he could do about it. And the truth he forced himself to admit was, he didn't even want to solve it. Rationally he knew that being bonded to someone for the rest of his life was something he should be afraid of, especially if the person was Lucifer, but his emotions told a whole other story.
Sam felt excited and he felt happy. He was absolutely terrified but he wasn't afraid of what would happen if they bonded but what would happen if he lost the bond.
Sam didn't even bother to close the books; instead, he practically jumped out of his seat and nearly ran out of the library. He had made up his mind, he wanted this. He wanted Lucifer, wanted a bond, someone who could make him feel safe and warm.
But he also knew how many things could go wrong and if he gave himself any more time to think about it, he would freak out again and end up hiding behind his fears once more. Using all his bad experiences as an excuse to stay miserable.
Panting, he arrived at his room. He had actually run the way, hoping to keep himself from thinking long enough to actually admit that this was something he wanted too to Lucifer. It took him longer than usual to get his key out and get it into the lock, a fact that was probably due to his shaking hands.
Pushing the door open Sam could already feel the old feeling of dread and worry creeping up at the edge of his mind, making him nauseous. But for once Sam was pretty sure his instincts were wrong and for the first time in a very long while he didn't want to listen to them.
Bile was creeping up the back of his throat, his body reacting to the mix of excitement and panic. Sam knew he was going to bolt any second, turn around and run back out of that door, burying every ounce of want under tons of denial like he had always done.
This time this couldn't happen, this time he wanted to do this, he wanted to take the chance even if it meant getting his heart broken.
“Sam?” Lucifer had turned around where he was sitting on the bed, a bunch of books all around him.
And before he could flee or even so much as think Sam was over there, throwing himself at Lucifer, afraid that he would force himself away again any second.
He wound both his arms and his wings around Lucifer, holding him tight and breathing in the scent that told him safe, taken care of, home. A shudder went through Sam when Lucifer's hands found their way into his wings and the angel’s wings curved around him, holding him in a cocoon of feathers.
“Sam,” Lucifer murmured, turning his head until his cheek was resting against Sam's. A soft shudder went through Sam as the angel's breath ghosted over his ear. “Sammy.”
Normally Sam would have told the angel that he was called Sam and not Sammy, but he couldn't bring it over himself to wipe away the wonder and the joy from Lucifer's voice.
“Luc,” he replied softly and then hesitated, all his muscles clenching in anxiety as he added, barely audible, “Mate.”
A shudder went through Lucifer and he pulled Sam closer, his beautiful black wings suddenly flaring out beside him, before closing in tight around Sam once more.
“Mate,” he agreed, his voice a deep growl as he pressed his nose against Sam's neck, breathing him in in a way that made Sam shake with need. “My mate. Mine.”
Sam laughed softly and his hands found their way into Lucifer's wings, gently stroking and massaging the muscles and the soft feathers, drawing a breathy keen from Lucifer which had Sam wondering how long it had been since someone had lavished attention onto the angel. It was probably as long ago as it had been for Sam.
“Yeah, yours,” he agreed belatedly.
Smiling, Sam leaned forward, his lips finding Lucifer's in a tentative and gentle kiss, while his hands started on giving Lucifer's wings all the attention they deserved.
His life might not be perfect; he was still an abomination, he was still something that wasn't right, but now he had someone beautiful and incredible to call his own. Sam wasn't alone anymore and that was probably the greatest gift of them all.
Whatever happened, Sam would never have to be alone again.