Chapter Text
three.
"Mr. Cullen… lunch is served."
"Great, thanks."
"Pastrami on Rye, oil and vinegar, extra onions, no cheese."
"That's me."
"Aren't you from Wisconsin? No cheese, really?" Angela joked, handing over the white paper bag and drink.
"Yeah…Hey, how's your son doing?"
"Better, thank you. Oh, Beth Swan's on line three. I got confused for a minute."
"It's Bella's sister in law."
"Gotcha. Bella did call about ten minutes ago, she's on her way, she got lost on the Southside."
"What? What's she doing down there?"
"Meeting, maybe?"
"Can you tell her I need to see her when gets here? Thanks." I quickly picked up the phone on my desk.
"Bethie!"
"Hello, you… Mr. Big Shot. Too busy to RSVP to a silly little baby shower for your future godchild back home, I get it."
"Ahhhh. Shit. I'm sorry. Of course, I'll be there. You know that."
"Okay, okay… I figured. You need someone to keep your social life situated."
"I have no social life, Beth. None."
"You've got Bella down there now. Must be like old times, huh?"
"Yeah something like that."
"Brett and Charlie still worry about her like crazy. It's ridiculous. She's a grown woman now. I'm seriously so proud of her."
"Well, the worry's warranted, she can be a handful… Hey, talk about grown ups… are you guys all set? What do you need? I guess I should go shopping for this party."
"We're good. We just miss you guys. The shower's an excuse to get you back home for a few days, you know."
"Fuck Beth, where did the time go? You guys are having an actual baby… I can remember Brett talking about…"
"Stop it! God. I don't like thinking about the things you know. We're not getting any younger. You'd better get busy and catch up. How's the outlook?"
"Dim. Dark. Basically, pitch black."
"Oh, please. I doubt that. Bella was just telling Brett this morning about some beautiful Maria woman at your apartment." What? No. Fuck. She was not at my apartment.
"No, no… no Maria. That was just a thing over the summer. Post Jennifer… really just a thing. That's all. And I don't know why she thought that."
"She called early, lost and pissed or something, Bella style. God, I miss her messes. Sometimes. But, yeah, I don't know… Brett talked her all the way to the train. Anyway… " Where were you… "You guys should try to come up Friday for Emmett's game. It would make Charlie's life to have everyone there. Oh, that reminds me, I saw your mom yesterday. She was working at the St. James pumpkin patch."
"Yeah, that's her annual gig. She likes being with the kids."
"She looked great. Big smile. It was perfect."
"Thanks, Beth. It's good to hear… Alright, we'll see you in a couple of weeks, then. Tell Brett to get on the horn. It's been like four days or something."
"Oh, god… you two. You would think after knowing each other as long as you have, you could go a few days without talking and checking in. You're like gossipy old women sometimes. I'll let him know you're expecting a call from him soon. Hug Bella, please."
"Will do. Bye, Beth." Why the hell were you on the Southside of fucking Chicago alone on a Friday morning?
"What?" Bella shrugged, hip cocked, brow arched, sudden and present in my office. Her hair hung limp and damp down her back.
"Where've you been?" I stood, she scoffed. "Just decided to loiter in the dangerous hoods of Chicago? Please, enlighten me."
"First of all, change your damn tone... "
"Bella, knock it off. Where were you? I've been… worried."
"Yeah? Well, I'd be more worried about your cell phone service, since it's so fucking shady and just loses connection so randomly. I'd also be worried about your heart's reputation since it's so full of hot… sexy, ugh… all nighters and can't seem to remember the fulfillment of giving back selflessly to society." I gripped the ends of my hair in eye rolling exasperation.
"What in the fuck are you talking about? Goddammit!" I tensed, she flinched and narrowed her eyes, ready.
"Coven House, Edward. I was at the Coven House board meeting. And you promised. You promised to do this with me. For my mom, Edward. We were going to do this together."
"Oh, fuck, Bella. I'm sorry."
"You and me… remember…" I do, I remember…
She wore Brett's old green jersey over another. The whistle sent her running from one group of eight girls to another. I stretched my legs from the seemingly smaller wooden bleachers in the St. James gym and tugged anxiously through my hair. The indescribable pit and pain in my stomach waged on as I checked my watch. Concentrating on a monotonous dribble drill, Bella rounded the orange cone, dusting damp, thick bangs to the side. She stilled suddenly, the ball fell away. We stared, I grinned and motioned. Moving closer, arms crossed and guarded, the tears in her wide, brown eyes spilled silent, easy.
"Did she die?"
"Bella…"
"That's why you're here, right? My dad sent you. Because she died today." I knelt within a whisper.
"We're going to go to my house for a while, kiddo." My hand was light over her trembling shoulder. "My mom has Emmett there with her.. We can swim in the pool if you want." She nodded, kicking paver rocks, trailing me to my jeep. "You wanna ride shotgun?"
"I'm not allowed." She breathed, sizing up my faded duffle spilling trainers and Calculus notes onto the front seat.
"Can you just say… please, Edward." I paused, dropping the heavy ring of keys in my lap. Lost on how to comfort, my dad was alive when he left. I gingerly laid my hand over the top of her head, then told the worst truth, forever becoming an accomplice in her small life's darkest moment. Drifting in on a sunny August afternoon and ripping the grounding light from all she knew.
"Can we go the long way?"
I slowed, watching as she worked hard to manually roll down the window.
"Regent Street. Can we drive down Regent Street?" She leaned, whole and calm, from shoulders up outside the window. The brightest summer sun punctuated her freckles, the warm wind blew her ponytail free. I drove the long way, slower by the mile, letting it sink. Months past, there was no sign of an accident, only new season growth.
She suddenly fell in, tugging her jersey right, cheeks pink and tear stained. "I hope your mom made goulash." I laughed light, settling.
"Bella Swan, I'm pretty sure you're the only person on the planet who likes my mom's goulash."
"Really? That's cool."
"It is cool. Makes her feel good. And that's a good thing."
"Yeah."
"I got lost," she whispered harsh, pushing by me.
"I heard."
"From who?"
"Beth. She called about the baby shower. And she also told me you thought I had Maria over."
"Yeah… well… you were out of breath and fucking hung up on me and she's gorgeous and so are… I figured it's just not shit you wanted me to know. So I went on to the meeting thinking you'd just meet me there. I mean… I know I can't depend on you forever. Being there. So…" I never want to disappoint you.
"You can depend on me..."
"So… was she there?"
"No."
"Well, then what was…"
"Please drop it. I'm so fucking sorry about this morning. My head was a disaster. You know I meant to be there with you." Her shoulders relaxed slightly, she wiggled in her tall heeled leather boots.
"This group is amazing. Their long term vision is totally attainable, Edward. Something I can completely wrap my entire mind and soul around. I'm serious. My mom would have been so pleased. Like really impressed. You know it's definitely a bigger deal than what she ran in Madison, right? I mean… they're planning entire urban blocks of these affordable family homes. Just… pure community love."
"It's a great set up. It really is. I've been working with them for almost five years now."
"I didn't know… wow." She trailed. "The energy is just so inspiring. You need energy. You need something. I'm so pissed at you right now." She rambled, hopping onto my desk as I fell, deep tilt in my chair again. "Everyone of course asked about you."
"Yeah? How'd you explain? What lies did you dole?"
"That they should judge you harshly and veto every brilliant suggestion you make."
"Sounds about right." The pearl buttons on her black wool shirtdress pulled slightly as she crossed her legs. She tore into the butcher paper sandwich wrapping.
"What the hell with all these onions, Edward? Disgusting." Mouthful, cringing and cute, she bitched and spilled. Onions flung and left in a heap.
"Help yourself. Please."
"And what is this?" She sipped, wincing.
"Black tea. Mango black tea. It has lots of antioxidants for old people like me."
"But it's sweetened with sugar?" I nodded. "So you understand that pretty much defeats the purpose? And what's with the mango in October?"
"Right. Whatever. I like it and I'm going to need something stiffer if you continue this torture. And you're supposed to affirm that thirty two isn't old, by the way."
"You deserve it. You abandoned me… Oh, but there was one potentially exciting happening that could turn my frown upside down and might forgive your complete and utter failure."
"I can't even imagine." The sole of her boot tapped relentless against my knee. She uncrossed her legs, oblivious to my view which reactively slid higher. Fuck. More lace, light and cream, peeked from between her legs and darker cream trimmed her thighs. Jesus Christ.
I clenched the crease of my grey dress pants, ever wanting to run my fingers along and up her silk instead. She edged the corners of her mouth, wet with oil and vinegar. She swiped over her bottom lip, a new and easy giggle in the mood shift. "So… you didn't tell me about Alec Meyer…" Shit.
"Alec? You met Alec, did you? I suppose you would."
"Yes. Yes, I did." She smirked, wicked. "He took me in, gave me shelter from the rain and ate your bagel."
"Is that supposed to be funny?"
"Yes. Maybe... I don't know but, thank god you were a horrible human being this morning and forgot about me and the meeting…" I never forget you. "Because… I could relax and get my flirt on, without your hovering." She winked. I ran hands furiously over my face.
"Bella, come on."
"What?" She squared, frustrated.
"I thought you were there to volunteer, be inspired… give back?"
"Stop. That's not fair."
"You know I've known him since my program at Notre Dame."
"Good for you."
"I mean if his college days were any indication…"
"Goddammit. Whatever. He's super nice and gracious and interesting and ridiculously accomplished. He's president of a non-profit… And… he invited me out for drinks."
"Of course he did." I righted, tense and flexed.
"Don't be a jerk... I get to date people."
"Right," I mumbled, moving to the drafting table. "Oh, I realized this morning, while you were out picking up older men, that your scale is off on this corner feature in the Quiluete library."
She dug in, knowing. "I'll look at in Monday. I'm leaving."
"For the day?"
"I'm done here."
"Really…"
"Yes. You're…"
"What? What am I? What am I now? Today? Hmmm?"
"Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what? Caring about you?"
"That's not what this feels like, Edward."
I grabbed the last bottle from the caterer's white lacquered tub and staggered toward the water. Popping the top few buttons of my tuxedo shirt, I grinned lazy and nodded.
"Are you feeling better or hiding from all the romance?"
"Come hammock with me."
"Is hammock a verb now? Is that what all the college cool kids are saying?"
"Shut up. I'm sad, rock with me." She shifted, I twisted and fell opposite over the sturdy white ropes.
"Okay… so sad and bossy."
"I can't believe my brother just got married. It's crazy. I always figured Ben would be first."
"He's got other priorities. But Brett and Beth… they give me hope."
"You want that? Really? That's surprising coming from you."
"Sure. You don't?" She reached for my bottle, sliding her tongue around the glass top, then sipping small.
"I'm eighteen and hopeless."
"No way. You're terrific."
"Can you tell Tyler that?"
"That punk?" I scoffed. "His loss."
"It's not, Edward. I miss him."
"Well, a wedding isn't exactly the best place to heal a broken heart, kiddo. And I know you miss him, because you were crying at four in the morning."
"Yeah, sorry about that. But thanks for answering. Brett didn't."
"Ahhh, I see, I'm second in command." I knocked her knees with mine.
"He better be missing me."
"Who wouldn't? You're the epitome of everything amazing in a woman."
"Are you drunk? How much is Brett paying you?"
"I mean it. I really do. You're good people, Bella Swan."
"He was everything…"
"Everything. Everything?"
"Yes. Oh god… okay this is awkward."
"Probably more awkward for me."
"I just want the feeling to end. This like gutting misery." So age appropriately dramatic, she closed her eyes and groaned, her teal painted toes pinched the knotted rope beneath...
"The misery will help you grow. These guys you date aren't going to change until they're out of school and responsible for their own groceries and shit. Trust me. You should be out having fun. Having lots of sex. You don't get these years back." She suddenly sat up, wide eyed.
"Brett definitely isn't paying you."
"I mean you need to be careful…" I pointed, she tugged and twisted 'til it hurt.
"Okay, Jesus. I'm embarrassed. But you're so real, Edward. That's rare amongst dudes." She crawled casual, tucking in close. We focused on the same setting sun listening to the waning celebration up the hill behind us. "Maybe I'll meet someone like you next semester."
"Nah…"
"You're the total package in a guy. Seriously. That's why all my friends had huge crushes on you."
"Yeah, I suppose I am the ultimate catch." Her elbow met my ribs.
"Thanks for always listening, man."
"Are we having a moment?"
"Totally. This is a serious business moment. I won't forget the night you gave me permission to go have lots of sex…"
~oo~S~oo~
My knocking increased the higher, louder she sang. Anxiously gripping the fluted, grey painted molding around her door, I stared at the scuffed tips of my dress shoes. I needed a shoe shine. I needed a whiskey. I needed a life. Fuck. Bella, open the door.
"Hi."
"Hi." We stared. Smoothing and straightening a short olive dress, her hands gripped the leather tie tight at her waist. "You changed."
"I'm just heading out." Her cool tone was unforgiving. She leaned toward the small side table, filling a light leather clutch with essentials.
"Where? Where are you going?"
"I told you, drinks… with Alec Meyer."
"Tonight? Now?" My tone stabbed with jealousy, I tightened, narrowing eyes at her. She breathed to steady, scowling, giving as good as she had. An amazing intensity, ever present in my life, had finally evolved.
"Yes, Edward. Tonight. I'm meeting him for drinks a few blocks up at a new jazz bar."
"You don't like jazz."
"I know that. I'm just... making an effort." She sighed, licking her lips, frustrated. "What do you want?" I stepped closer, my heart warring with my head. "Tell me what you want."
"Fuck, Bella… don't go." I pressed, trapping her gently against the wall behind. Slowly sliding my hands to the base of her neck, I grazed my thumbs across her blushed cheeks. Soothing desperate as she stiffened. She reactively grasped forward, her fists twisted my shirt to balance. "Please, don't go tonight." I met her forehead with mine, breathing in her subtle perfumed scent. She shook, a slight fight and will to understand. "Shhh…" I tangled through the waves at her nape. My thumb slid across her rose glossed lips.
"Edward…" Heady confusion, a sensual lilt laced her voice. Ask me, beg me… whisper soft. I want things from you I can't explain. She released my shirt, spreading trembling fingers over my abdomen, touching new.
I tenderly held through her hair, pulling closer, leaning in, mouths hovered, breath shared.
"Stay here… with me."
Nails dug, eyes fluttered closed, a faint gasp startled. My lips fell firm, hers parted under mine. Tongues tentative, exploring slow, I pressed tighter, sliding my knee between her weakening legs. We hit the wall, she stiffened again, closing her legs around mine. We stilled.
I shifted, my painfully hard cock against her, she whimpered, pulling me ever closer. Breathless and on, I tugged easy on her hair, to trail wet down her jaw. You're so fucking soft... The dip and drape of her dress leaving her throat and chest bare. "You're so beautiful," I whisper, tasting over her skin. "Bella, fuck. I want this… I want everything with you…"
She loosened as I neared her neck again, her hands forced between against my chest. Pushing, harder off and away, she breathed deep as I straightened from the heat. I fell back along the opposite wall, rattling a frame above me. My day old stubble marred her creamy skin, her fingers ran down her neck, up over her swollen lips, retracing.
"What… what is this…" She tilted her head and rolled it away and back against the wall, her eyes closed, undoubtedly replaying the last minutes on a loop. "No… no, no, no." Her eyes widened, locked on mine. I began, she stopped. "No, Edward. You don't get to come here, raging jealous if that's even what you fucking are right now and come at me with… this. And expect me to change my plans… or my mind… I don't…"
"Bella… listen…"
"I don't understand… this. Please go. I… I have a date. I have to go. I need you to leave. I can't do this with you right now."
Unsteady steps towards the door, she opened, shaking. I watched, taking in the stubborn set and stance. White knuckles punished the door's edge, as she stared simple, lost in the black varnished floor. I paused. Cupping her warm face firm, she melted barely into my palm. "I'm not giving up..."