Chapter Text
Sitting beside Amaro in Olivia’s office makes him feel like he’s back at school. Like they’ve both been caught scuffling by the principal but are only sorry they’ve been caught. Elliot is just thankful Fin isn't here to laugh at them, because he seems to take real enjoyment out of dealing with Elliot’s idiocy these days.
“Nick. You wanna tell me why you’re harassing Detective Stabler?” Olivia asks, though it's obvious she knows why Amaro confronted him.
“Just thought I’d bring him up to speed,” Amaro says, unwilling to back down. “Tell him a few home truths.”
Maybe he was a good partner, Elliot thought, because Olivia could be stubborn as hell and needed someone to challenge her. Amaro seemed to fit the bill.
Olivia gives Amaro a pointed look and sighs. She rubs her temples and leans her elbows on her desk. “We’ll talk later. Don’t… don’t bother anyone else.”
Amaro looks grateful to avoid further confrontation and exits quietly. It’s only when the door is shut that Olivia can look him in the eye.
“I take it you’re done with the op?” she asks, and she manages to look happy for a moment, despite whatever happened to make Fin call him here.
“Yeah, a few days ago. I called, but no answer,” Elliot responds, hoping that she’ll open up. He knows for damn sure Fin isn’t gonna tell him Liv’s business. He remembers that conversation they had, where Fin had teased him about the guys she was with, and Christ, he’s gotta get that guy’s name sooner rather than later.
“Right, sorry. You know how the unit is,” she shrugs, and her mask slips. There’s a waver in her voice and it makes Elliot jump out of his chair to comfort her.
“Liv, tell me what happened,” he asks softly, as he kneels beside her desk, his right arm reaching over her shoulder.
“It’s fine, El,” she replies, and fuck. It’s bad if her defences are down enough to call him El, something she’d restrained herself from saying since his reappearance. “Enough about me. How have you been since you’ve been out?”
Elliot chooses to respond to her questions so she can compose herself. It’s clear she doesn’t want a confrontation in the office, but he keeps his hand firmly on her shoulder, hoping it's comforting, reassured that she doesn’t brush him off.
“Not as easy as I thought. It’s good to be home though. My therapist sure is glad to see me,” he jokes, and Olivia manages to smile a little at that.
“I’m glad. Eli okay?”
“Better than he was. Thanks to you.” Elliot takes his chance. “You want to get out of here?”
“Can’t. Noah’s home with Lucy. I still have work to finish,” Olivia says. It hasn’t been easy for him to read her since his return, but he thinks he can sense her hesitancy. She wants him to push, and can't suggest an alternative herself.
“Come to my place then. I’m dying to shave this thing off my face,” he jokes and is pleased at her small smile.
“Fine,” she says simply, and gathers her things. He waits, then walks her out with a hand on the small of her back. Amaro, despite his earlier hostility, nods at him approvingly. Elliot has finally done what he was supposed to and shown up for her.
--
They’re both silent when they walk into his apartment, devoid of his mother’s chatter and Eli’s presence. Moving in sync, they head towards the couch, sitting close to one another, thighs pressed together. Olivia looks down at her hands and Elliot returns his arm around her.
“Amaro said something to me, you know,” Elliot says, arm gripping her shoulder. “He said all I did was take from you.”
“El, that’s not…,” Liv begins, but she quietens as she looks at his eyes. It’s true, after all.
“You’ve been there for me this whole time, even though I would have understood if you never spoke to me again. Even looking out for Eli… I couldn’t have made it without you,” he says earnestly. “Now, come on. This thing on my face is itching to be shaved off.”
--
“I wasn’t going to tell you before, but I kinda liked the beard,” Liv says, about five seconds after he wiped his face clean of shaving cream. She laughs at his incredulous look. “What? I’ve always liked a man with some facial hair.”
“I don’t remember any of your exes having beards,” he remarks, searching through his surprisingly well-kept mental catalogue. A man with a beard is not something he realised she was into, but ten years is a long time. Maybe he’ll grow it out again, but this time he’ll try not to look like an unkempt member of the Albanian mob.
Her face shifts, then, and Elliot has no idea what just happened. She tries to deflect. “I wanted you to shave because you look more like Elliot without it. That’s why.”
More like the Elliot she knew all those years ago. Trying to get that piece of her past back. He really is a bastard.
He follows her as she moves towards the kitchen, and she seems determined to look for something as she rummages through the fridge. A bottle of wine is promptly pulled out. Elliot acquiesces and searches the cupboard for two glasses, carrying them over to the coffee table. He unscrews the cap and pours them a glass each, waiting silently for her to speak.
“If Fin hadn’t texted you, I don’t think I’d tell you about this,” Olivia says, her voice low and hesitant.
“Why not?” he asks, genuinely curious, but also furious at himself for being gone while something bad enough for Fin to contact him has happened.
“You’re going to think I’m an idiot. You’re gonna think, how the hell did she make captain of SVU like this?”
He’s taken aback. There is nothing that could make him think of her that way. “Liv, I’m not gonna judge you, I’m just worried. Fin isn’t exactly the type to contact me over something minor.”
Olivia visibly hesitates, swiping her unruly hair behind her ear. “Fine. Remember that time we were talking about soulmates? It must have been the second year we were partners and I told you about this guy.”
“Yeah. He was older, right?” Elliot has an inkling of where this is going, and his fists are already clenched together in his lap.
“Right. Well, he showed up recently.”
“If he hurt you I’ll…” What Elliot will do is ask Amaro where the fuck he can find this guy and make sure he can never hurt Liv again.
“El, stop. It wasn’t... I was so stupid. Even Trevor Langan warned me about him.”
“Warned you about him?”
She continues as if she doesn’t even hear him. “I resented my mother for all those years. I thought she didn’t want me to have anyone else, to leave her alone, when she was actually looking out for me. For once,” she says quietly, like it’s something she’s having a hard time believing.
“Why did you need to be warned about him? Besides the obvious.” Olivia had never told him what age her soulmate was, but all he knew was that she was a teenager and he was old enough to take advantage of her. Elliot is suddenly aware that the prick had done it again.
“Because I slept with him a few days ago and then found out he was a fucking rapist!” she exclaims, pushing herself off the couch and turning her back towards him. Both hands are in her hair and she walks further away, like she’s afraid of his reaction. Whether her fears will come true and he’s gonna say she had no right to make captain if she couldn’t see what was right in front of her.
“Liv,” is all he manages to get out.
“Don’t pity me. I don’t want that,” Olivia says, like she's seen the regret in his eyes.
“I’m not pitying you, I’m trying to be here for you,” he says earnestly, and she turns towards him at that.
“Elliot, I haven’t needed you to be here for me in eight years. I’m used to dealing with things on my own.” Olivia sits again, though she quickly drains her wine glass and tops it up.
It takes him a second to hear that number and realise what she’s saying. “What do you mean, eight years?” What the fuck had happened eight years ago that she needed him and he wasn’t there? He had been living it up in Rome for nearly two years at that point, and she needed him?
Her face darkens. “Nothing.”
“Don’t do that, Liv. You want honesty from me, well I want the same from you.”
“I don’t wanna sit here and explain every fucking bad thing that’s happened to me since you were gone. I didn’t want to tell you about Burton in the first place because I’m not able to deal with your guilt.”
Amaro’s earlier words repeat in his head. It was true, Elliot thought. All he did was take from her, because she wouldn’t have gone through something traumatic and worry about his reaction otherwise.
“My guilt? Of course I feel guilty, Liv. Whenever you need me, I’m not around and I’m fucking sick of letting everyone in my life down,” Elliot admits, his voice loud and frustrated.
“And I’m sick of dealing with everything on my own. Even when we were partners, I didn’t really have you.”
Elliot is taken aback, unsure how to respond. “My family…”
“Jesus Christ, Elliot, I know! I know your family comes first. I’ve always known that and I never expected anything else. That doesn’t make it any easier. You were the only one apart from my therapist that I could even consider talking to and you weren’t there.” There’s a hand pressed against her forehead, as if it pains her to remember. “You know, when I read that fucking letter, I believed it. I thought, of course it wasn’t real, or else I wouldn’t be alone right now.”
“And if I were a better man, I would’ve been with you and Kathy would still be alive. She wouldn’t have been worried enough to tell me what to write to you after ten years of being gone.”
It hits Elliot then, how stupid he had been. Though he and Kathy had loved each other, their relationship was truly beyond help if she felt insecure enough to dictate that letter, if Elliot had been so obvious about his lingering feelings for his former partner that she felt she had no choice. Maybe they all could have been alive and happy right now, and his kids would have their mom and Olivia wouldn’t have been taken advantage of by her groomer, and God knows what else she isn’t telling him.
Olivia returns to her earlier position and they sit in silence, the weight of their conversation heavy on both of their shoulders. Elliot rests his head in his hands, drained. Liv’s wine glass rests in her lap.
“I don’t… look, I’m always gonna hate that you left the way you did, but it was for your family. Now that I have Noah,” she says, and he can see the light in her eyes at the thought of her boy, “I… can understand. I hate it, but I get it. I don’t want to dwell on that forever. I just want us to be friends again.”
There are tears in her eyes, and Christ, Elliot has never been so enthralled by her. He is so grateful to know this woman. This woman has been hurt, countless times, has every reason to shut him out but chooses to be honest, instead. Chooses to be vulnerable and let him in because she wants her best friend back, and he is finally here for her.
Moving to her side, he grabs her hands and pulls her up, ignoring her half-hearted protest.
“What are you doing?”
“Hugging you,” he responds simply, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head on her shoulder. There was a reason, he thinks, why they did not often do this as partners, outside of something traumatic happening. If he held her like this, back then, he never would have let go. “And for the record, we are friends. It’s always gonna be you and me.”
Olivia’s arms eagerly wrap around his shoulders. They stay that way for a while until Olivia pulls away, wiping an errant tear from her eye.
“I’ll tell you what happened back then eventually. It’s just been hard, the past few days,” she says quietly. His arms linger around her waist.
The assumption she had made earlier needs to be corrected.
“I don’t think you’re stupid, by the way. I think you were a young girl, and you needed someone, and that prick took advantage of you. He did the same thing a few days ago. The only one I blame is him.” If the man is conniving as he sounds, that Burton prick will stay the hell away from Olivia. If he doesn’t? Then he has Elliot to deal with, and he won’t hold back.
There’s a small smile forming on her face, and he knows he’s done something right because her hands wrap around his neck again. Her palms are warm and comforting on his neck.
“I’m glad Fin texted you,” is what she says, and what she really means is Thank you for being here for me. For once.
“I’m glad he did, too,” he responds. “I’m not going anywhere, ever again.” It’s a promise he will keep. There is nothing that could keep him away.
“You better not,” Olivia says with a lighter heart, “Though I think we could both do with a trip or three to therapy.”
Elliot laughs and is reminded that there is no ring on his finger, nothing to stop him from acting on his feelings. He takes her face in his hands and tilts his head, kissing her softly like a promise. She matches his pace, kissing him slowly, languidly, like they have all the time in the world.
“And for the record?” Olivia says, moments after she pulls away, stroking his cheek. “You look good with or without the beard.”
He can do nothing else but kiss her again.