Chapter Text
Steve had taken to ending his nights early to work on his secret promise, and his progress was coming along nicely. He had to be careful to sidestep any suspicion from his three snoopy friends. He was finding it difficult to sleep. So, he also woke up early in the morning. He found it hard to sleep in an empty bed after years of waking up next to Peggy. He stood from the small desk and stretched. He ignored the early morning hour the alarm clock displayed as he left the guest room. He quietly slips down the hallway toward the kitchen.
He was stopped in his tracks completely when he saw a disheveled Bucky sitting on the couch, wrapped in a large, fuzzy blanket. “She makes sure there are always extra blankets on the couch in case I have nightmares,” Buckys word rang through Steve’s head. “Buck,” he questioned, stepping farther into the room. Bucky jumped his eyes finding him instantly. The brunet didn’t say anything, only watched. “Can I sit,” Steve tried again, motioning to the recliner next to the couch. Bucky only nodded.
Once he was seated, Steve waited patiently. Bucky would speak to him when and if he wanted to. Trying to force him to talk was a hopeless endeavor. Silence filled the apartment again, but still, Steve didn’t push. “Sometimes, I have nightmares about Rebecca and Ma. I see them right there, almost feel their hugs. But then I wake up, and then I am reminded that they have been long gone for decades. I finally have what they always wanted for me. I am happy and in love with two amazing people. And they will never get to see any of it. Rebecca and I had planned so many things. Walking her down the aisle, raising our families together, buying Ma a big house on the hill. I failed as a brother and a son,” Bucky whispered, shame a heavy overtone.
Steve thought for a moment. Winnifred Barnes had been a light in both Steve and Bucky’s lives. Losing her and being separated from Rebecca had almost destroyed Bucky. He had been young when his father passed away, and thus he had always been the man of the house. When Winnie got sick, Bucky was frantic to earn the money needed for her medicine. Steve remembered the many odd jobs he had helped out with. All to make sure that Winnie would get better. In the end, the medicine had not been enough. She had never been without her daily dosage, but still, it had failed. Then Rebecca was ripped away days after the funeral. Their aunt had stolen the young girl away. “You could never bring up a proper young lady. Just let her be happy,” the cold bitch had sneered.
“I make sure that she has what she needs,” Steve admitted, holding his breath. He wasn’t sure how Bucky would react. Yes, Steve was only helping, but this was Bucky’s precious younger sister. Only Bucky could watch out for her.
“You do,” Bucky asked, his voice thin with hope and sadness.
“Yes. I started looking for her as soon as I got back. When I found her, she was a widow with three kids. She had to start living in your aunt’s house again, which I couldn’t abide by. So, Peggy and I found a home on the same street we live on. I pay for everything Rebecca will let me, which isn’t as much as I would like. But she and her children are happy,” he explained, looking down at his hands.
“Thank you, Stevie. Knowing I failed and left her all alone kills me. I should be the one taking care of them. I am their family. Yet, I can’t leave. I belong here, with these people. How selfish is that,” Bucky said, shoulders hunching even more.
“I don’t think you failed anyone, nor do I think you are selfish. You deserve to be happy, no matter where you find it,” Steve countered. Bucky gave him an unconvinced look. “I know Rebecca does not think that either. You wanna know what she named her only son,” he asked. Bucky nodded his head, curiosity coloring his face. “His name is Bucky Steven Winters. She wanted her son to have her brother’s real name. The name she remembered calling him. Then she said she couldn’t forget about her other skinny, sickly brother either,” Steve said with a grin. Bucky chuckled, soft and thick.
“She’s still proud of me,” he asked in a broken voice. Tears streaked his cheeks, but he could not find the energy to wipe them away.
“You will always be her hero, Buck. Hell, even her children idolize you. Every time I see them, I have to tell them at least one story about their Uncle Buck. I swear your nephew could have been your twin. He looks and acts so much like you. Always keeping his scrappy sisters out of trouble,” Steve said with a chuckle. Bucky beamed at him through his tears.
“What are the little girl’s names?” he asked, voice small, but happy.
“Well, Winnifred is the oldest girl, but she goes by Winnie. She looks like her mother but has her dad’s green eyes. Then there is the youngest, Peggy-Jane. She looks more like her dad with blonde curly hair, but her blue eyes definitely come from the Barnes’ side,” Steve answered.
“She always wanted two girls and a boy,” whispered to himself with a small smile. Steve nodded in agreement, mirroring Bucky’s soft smile. “Can I- Would you deliver something to them for me. If I had it ready before you left,” Bucky asked, voice still quiet.
“Of course, you don’t even have to ask Buck,” Steve answered. Steve paused, thinking for a moment. “There was something else I needed to say,” he finally added. Bucky tilted his head to one side, silent permission to continue. Steve took a deep breath, held it for a moment, then slowly released it. “I need to apologize. Not just for leaving, but for my behavior earlier this week. I left you here, in this new and strange world. I promised I would have your back, and I didn't. I couldn’t. I tried Buck. I tried so hard to be happy here, with her. But I can’t do it, no matter how bad I want to. And you were right. I had no right judging you for the relationship you have built in my absence. I should have been more open, more understanding. But now I see it. You can smile again, which I gave up seeing again. You are happy again. And that was all I ever wanted. Please forgive me. For giving up on your happiness. For leaving like I did. And, most of all, please forgive me for mocking your confusing, beautiful relationship,” he confessed.
“You think what we have is beautiful,” Bucky breathed, shock evident. Steve’s grin grew, and his soft eyes met Bucky’s. He needed Bucky to understand before he left. He couldn’t leave the air of judgment and harshness between them. He could not leave Bucky like he did the last time.
“I will never claim to understand it. Even the idea of how that would work in the bedroom confuses me, to be honest. But I do know that the three of you belong together. And I can feel better knowing that, even if I can’t be there for it, you are truly happy,” Steve answered, his face becoming incredibly red. Bucky chuckled as he beamed at his friend. He slipped that "bedroom," comment away to discuss with Sam later.
“Thank you for thinking about it. I will be honest with you. I was surprised by how well it worked out. But I am happy. I don’t have to hide who I am in this world. But you did have to hide when you were here. It does hurt that you couldn’t find happiness, but I understand. You deserve to be happy too. I forgive you, Steve,” he said in a quiet, happy voice. Now, it was Steve's turn to cry. He stubbornly wiped at his tears and chuckled. Bucky stood and moved closer to Steve. Without warning or second thought, he swooped down and gave Steve a huge hug. Though the hug was slightly awkward given the angle, Steve quickly returned the hug. Steve murmured a thank you as they embraced.
After a moment, they broke apart, and Bucky moved back to his seat. His blue eyes were sparkling with excitement. “Will you tell me more about my nieces and nephew,” Bucky asked eagerly.
“What do you want to know,” Steve asked, settling in for the long haul.