Chapter Text
The moment that you woke up on Christmas Eve you knew it was going to be a bad day.
Despite staying until nearly nine the previous night you had barely gotten any work done. No matter how hard you tried to focus, your thoughts kept wandering back to Loki. The entire exchange had been surreal. You couldn’t believe that out of the dozens of employees that worked for this company the prominent lawyer had set his sights on you. True, you’ve had a bit of a crush since he joined the firm but who wouldn’t? He was tall with brilliant green eyes, jet black hair and a smile that could weaken anyone’s knees. All of that paired with a melodious British accent and it was no surprise that the majority of the office swooned when he walked by. You were the complete opposite and had mastered the skill of blending in and going unnoticed in a crowd. There was nothing special about you and you began to wonder if Loki was only being kind to you out of pity. It wouldn’t be the first time that had happened and you wouldn’t be surprised.
Prying open your eyes you winced at the amount of grit caused by tears you didn’t remember shedding. Upon closer inspection you realized your pillowcase was wet as well. Rarely did you remember your dreams and though you didn’t remember what you were dreaming about you could still feel the anger and sadness in your veins. For a moment you considered staying in bed. You didn’t have anywhere to be and since it was Christmas Eve most places would either be closed or full to bursting with last minute shoppers. Your momentary peace was interrupted by your cat, Shadow, stretching and laying a heavy paw across your face. The tiny kitten you had found behind a dumpster had grown to a twenty pound beast who graciously allowed you to live in his apartment. He rarely slept with you, preferring to play the song of his people on the vertical blinds in your living room all night, but he must have sensed your distress and had spent the night sleeping right above your head.
Twisting, you met the wide golden eyes. “I assume you want breakfast?” You had barely finished speaking and he was off like a shot. Your body felt like it was made of lead as you dragged yourself out of bed and not even the contented purrs of your cat could chase away the black cloud that was forming overhead. Sitting down on the couch you flipped on the tv and immediately regretted that decision. The screen was filled with the bright colors and sounds of a Christmas parade and your chest began to ache.
Once upon a time the holidays were a joyous event. You lived with your grandparents, your mother wasn’t ready to be a mother and your father wanted nothing to do with you, and each year your grandfather went all out with the decorations, stringing enough lights that you were pretty sure the house could be seen from space. Inside was just as festive with decorations they had gathered over their years together including ornaments from their first tree together. Your grandmother taught you how to bake and there was a never ending supply of treats to be had. Each year your cousins would come and the house was filled with laughter and the occasional scolding as half a dozen children raced up and down the stairs.
Over the years rare diseases and cancers took each of your family members one at a time and you were forced to watch as the once vibrant figures withered and faded away. Soon, too soon, you were the only one left with nothing but memories to keep you company.
With a sigh you shut off the tv and went to get dressed. The festive shows, the sounds of laughter seeping through the walls and the scent of the various holiday feasts wafting down the hallways was too much for you. You didn’t know where you were going but you couldn’t stay here.
A storm was rolling in and the skies were grey which matched your mood perfectly. You weren’t sure where you were going, you just let your feet guide you. There were quite a few people out, rushing here and there and more than once you had to jump back lest you get splashed by an icy puddle. For a moment you considered going to the park but you remembered that it was lavishly decorated and there was usually a concert held on Christmas Eve. For the moment you had stopped crying and the last thing you needed was to make a scene in a crowd because you couldn’t control your emotions. Instead you shoved your hands in your pockets and walked.
For hours you wandered around the city and before you knew it the minimal light was fading and the wind was picking up. Looking around, you almost laughed. You were mere blocks from the office. You spent more time there than you did at home and it made sense that you would instinctively head in that direction. The first flakes of snow were beginning to fall as you climbed the stone steps and sat heavily on the top step. There was an overhang so at least you would stay dry as you watched the flakes drift downward. The buses weren’t running and you doubted you could get an Uber so walking home would be a nightmare but at the moment you didn’t care. You were content to sit in the winter silence and watch the snow.
The scene was so peaceful that you nearly drifted off but you were brought to attention by someone calling your name. You squinted and in the dim light you could make out a dark silhouette that was quickly approaching. As they got closer your eyes widened. “Loki?” The lawyer was casually dressed in a leather jacket, jeans and boots. His cheeks were reddened by the cold and snowflakes dotted his dark hair. “What are you doing here?”
Sheepishly he rubbed the back of his neck. “Looking for you.”
“What? Why?”
“I figured that you would spend the weekend holed up in the office and…and I didn’t want you to be alone.”
You were glad you were sitting because his words threw you off balance. “You came to check on me?”
“Yes.”
Something twisted tightly in your chest. “Oh…thank you, I think. I didn’t mean to come to the office, I was just going for a walk and ended up here.”
Loki looked around at the steadily falling snow then back at you. “Can I give you a ride home?”
“I’ll be fine. The walk home isn’t too far.”
“In this weather? I insist.” Loki held out his hand and you looked at it as though it was a serpent preparing to strike. You glanced between his hand and his eyes before sighing and allowing him to pull you to your feet. At the curb a black jeep was parked with heavy snow tires and you raised an eyebrow, you had been expecting a sleek sports car. Loki opened the passenger door for you and as you were getting settled he slipped into his seat followed by a flurry of snowflakes. After starting the car and cranking up the heat he turned to you. “What’s your address?” Reluctantly you rattled off the address, embarrassed since you lived in a lower income section of town.
Once again an awkward silence filled the air but for the moment you were trapped, unable to run away. “Why did you come looking for me? Shouldn’t you be spending Christmas Eve with your family?”
Loki shook his head without taking his eyes off the road. “My parents are in Europe for the winter and my brother is spending the holidays with his fiance’s family.”
“What about your friends? I’m sure you received invites for at least half a dozen holiday parties.”
“I did but I didn’t feel like going this year.”
“So you came looking for me?”
It was Loki’s turn to shift uncomfortably. “Yes. Like I said, I figured that you would be working and you shouldn’t have to spend the holidays like that. I don’t have your number so I couldn’t call you. Plus, I stand by what I told you yesterday; you are witty and funny and charming. I’d love to spend more time with you…that is if you want to. If you’re uncomfortable I can just drop you off and never bother you again.”
“No, it’s not that. I just can’t understand why you would want to spend time with me.”
The lawyer grinned. “Give me time and I’ll convince you. Trust me, I can be very persuasive when the need arises.”
You rolled your eyes and watched the city rush by. Soon you were guiding Loki into the parking garage of your building and showing him where the visitor parking was. He turned off the jeep and the two of you sat in muffled silence. Your mind was racing a mile a minute and your stomach was in knots. Without looking him in the eye you spoke. “Would…would you like to come up for a cup of tea?”
Loki reached out and gently grasped your chin, turning your head until your eyes met. “That sounds lovely.”
As the two of you rode the creaky old elevator you were mentally scanning your apartment, trying to remember if you had done the dishes and put away your laundry. “I hope you’re not allergic to cats,” you said while opening the door. You kicked off your boots and heard Loki do the same before heading into the living room. On cue Shadow came sauntering out of his most recent hiding place and completely ignored you, choosing to focus on the new intruder to his territory. To your shock he sniffed at Loki twice then flopped down on his back, demanding a belly rub.
“Aren’t you the sweetest thing?” cooed Loki while crouching down and running his fingers through the thick fur. Noticing your silence, Loki turned and chuckled at your shocked expression. “What?”
“He normally hates people, especially men. I thought that he was going to hiss at you then claw up your boots.”
“Him? This sweetheart? He would never do anything like that, would you?” Shadow’s purrs were so loud that you could hear them from several feet away. Shaking your head you mumbled something about being a traitor and wandered into the kitchen. A few minutes later Loki joined you and leaned against the doorway as you retrieved two mugs.
“What kind of tea do you want?”
“Lady’s choice.” You turned towards the cupboard but paused with your hand outstretched. “What’s wrong?”
You shook your head to clear it. “It’s stupid. Don’t mind me.”
“You know you can talk to me, right? That’s kind of how this friendship thing works.”
You sighed and placed the mugs on the counter. “Growing up we would always drink my grandma’s hot chocolate and watch Christmas movies each Christmas Eve. It’s just me now but I still do it. I know, it’s stupid and childish and…”
Loki interrupted you. “There’s nothing stupid or childish about that at all. It’s a lovely tradition. Plus, I’ve got you beat.”
“Oh?”
“Each year mother buys my brother and I pajamas and we’re forced to pose in front of the tree while she takes pictures.”
“I need to see those pictures!”
“I’ll trade you for a mug of hot chocolate and a movie.”
“Deal.”
You sent Loki into the other room to pick a movie while you prepared the drinks. It was a simple recipe with only three ingredients but each time you tasted it you were transported back to a time when the world wasn’t so harsh. Walking back into the living room you weren’t surprised to see Shadow on Loki’s lap but you were surprised to see the title screen of The Grinch. “How did you know that’s my favorite Christmas movie?”
Loki carefully took the mug from you. “It was at the top of your favorite’s list plus it’s a classic.” He took a sip of the cocoa and made a sound that you were sure would haunt your dreams for a very long time. “That’s it. Move this cat so I can get down on one knee and propose marriage. This is divine.”
Your eyes rolled so hard that you saw yourself think. “Stop it. It’s not that good.”
“Darling, I grew up in London. I’ve traveled all over Europe and this is honestly one of the best cups of hot chocolate I’ve ever had.”
A blush burned your cheeks. “Thank you.” Placing your mug on a side table you glanced down the hall. “Do you mind if I get changed? I hate wearing jeans.”
“Of course but I warn you, your mug may be empty by the time you get back.”
A few minutes later you emerged wearing pajama pants and a massive sweatshirt. Luckily your mug was still full and once you curled up in the corner of the couch Loki started the movie. Despite seeing the film dozens of times you still laughed and quoted famous lines. To your surprise Loki did the same and silently passed you a tissue when you teared up at the ending. Too soon the movie was over and you snuck a glance at Loki. He was sprawled on the other side of the couch with a mug in one hand while the other absently petted the cat. He looked like he belonged there. You quickly stood to banish that thought. “Are you hungry?”
“I could eat if there’s enough to go around.”
“I’m making nachos. There’s enough to feed the entire floor.”
Loki insisted on helping and the two of you moved around the small space as if you had been sharing the space for years. At one point he stretched to reach a spice container and his chest pressed flush against your back. You forced yourself to focus on not burning the cheese sauce when all you wanted to do was lean back into the touch.
Soon the food was ready and the two of you returned to the living room, preferring the couch over the dining table. As you ate Loki shared stories of Christmases across the pond and eventually you began to relax and share your own tales. You didn’t have the chance to experience many happy Christmases but there were a few. You spoke of the time that your grandfather convinced you that Santa’s reindeer liked peanuts when in reality he ate them after you were in bed or the time you realized Santa wasn’t real after being gifted a toy train you had seen in a store. Your eyes widened and your mind raced as Loki recalled the night markets in Italy and how magical they were.
“I’ve never been to Europe. I went to Australia once as a teenager but that’s it.”
“If you’re ever interested in going, let me know. I know an excellent tour guide.” You promptly shoved the idea of traveling with Loki out of your head and asked if he wanted to watch another movie.
Two movies later you looked at your phone in surprise, it was a few minutes before midnight. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize it was so late. The roads will be a mess. I should have let you leave earlier.”
Loki grasped your flailing hands and squeezed them gently. “Breathe. I stayed because I wanted to. Honestly? This is one of the best Christmas Eves I’ve had in a very long time. I will be fine driving home. The roads will be practically empty and I grew up driving in the snow.” He squeezed your hands once more before standing. You watched as he pulled on his boots and shrugged into his coat.
“Loki?” The dark head turned towards you. “Will…will you text me when you get home? I want to make sure you get home safely.”
The lawyer’s expression softened and he smiled. “Are you asking me for my number?”
Emboldened by sleep deprivation you met his smile. “And if I am?”
He seemed surprised at your answer and held out his phone. “Add yourself as a contact.” You did as you were told and watched as he slid the phone into his back pocket. For a moment it seemed as though he was going to leave but something made him turn back. “Thank you again. I couldn’t imagine a better night with better company.”
“Likewise. Merry Christmas, Loki.”
“Merry Christmas.”
Locking the door behind him you began to get ready for bed, wondering if the entire evening had been a dream. You were just sliding under the covers when your phone buzzed with a notification.
Home safe.
Even though they were just two words you couldn’t help but smile.
Goodnight, Loki.
With that you closed your eyes, wondering what kind of dreams you would have after such an unexpected evening.
~*~
The next morning you were awakened by someone knocking on your door and your phone vibrating. Taking a moment to orient yourself, you blearily looked at the screen.
Open your door, I’m hungry!
The message was from Loki and you frowned. Loki was here? And he was hungry? For a moment you thought you must be dreaming but another message came through with the same statement.
Give me a minute. I just woke up.
You forced yourself out of bed and stopped by the bathroom in order to get your hair under control before opening your front door. Loki was standing in the hall, looking far too perky for the early hour, and holding two white boxes. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s Christmas and I brought breakfast!”
You watched as he walked into the kitchen and placed the box on the counter. Shadow, recognizing his new favorite person’s voice, rushed in and Loki scooped him off the floor. Staring in disbelief that this was your life now, you locked the door before making your way to the kitchen. “How much coffee have you had?”
“Just one cup.”
“Oh god, you’re one of those horrible morning people, aren’t you?”
Loki laughed. “Not usually. I just woke up in a good mood, that’s all.”
Ignoring the implications of that statement, you lifted the lid of the first box. Inside was a massive pile of steaming scrambled eggs and bacon. When you opened the second box you paused. Inside were four massive cinnamon rolls. You turned to Loki. “Cinnamon rolls?”
“You mentioned always eating cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning when you were growing up and I thought that tradition should continue.”
“I…thank you.” You reached up to retrieve two plates. “Where did you get all of this?”
“Would you believe me if I said I made it?”
“Not for a second.”
Loki sighed. “It was worth a shot. A friend of mine hosts holiday meals for his staff that don’t have anywhere to go for the holidays. He always makes enough to feed an army and was kind enough to share.”
“That’s amazing. What’s the restaurant? I’ll have to thank him.”
The two of you fell into easy conversation as you loaded your plates and sat at the dining table. You could tell that the food was homemade and once or twice you had to pause and just breathe in order to keep yourself from crying. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a homemade meal that you didn’t prepare yourself. Soon the plates were empty and you were so full that all you wanted to do was pass out on the couch. To your surprise Loki gathered up the plates and headed into the kitchen.
“Go and get dressed.”
“What? Why?”
“It’s a surprise.”
Knowing better than to argue, you headed into your bedroom. When you emerged the dishes were done, the food was put away and the cat was fed. The sheer domesticity was almost overwhelming. “I’m dressed, now what?”
“Like I said, it’s a surprise.”
You yanked on your boots and coat and followed Loki down to the parking garage. Once settled into the jeep Loki held up his scarf. “You don’t get carsick, do you?”
“No…why?”
“Close your eyes.” The soft scarf was placed over your eyes and gently knotted behind your head. “It’s not too tight, is it?”
“No.”
With that Loki put the jeep in gear and eased onto the snowy streets. You could feel the warmth of the sun on your skin and did your best to guess where you were going but after a few turns you gave up. After about twenty minutes of driving the jeep came to a stop. You reached for the blindfold but Loki stopped you. He carefully helped you from the jeep and grasped your hands as he led you towards your final destination. You strained your ears in an attempt to guess where you were but aside from a faint mechanical sound you were at a loss. Finally you stopped and felt Loki move to stand behind you. “Ready?”
“Yes.”
Loki carefully removed the blindfold and you blinked several times to clear your vision. Once everything came into focus you gasped. You were at the city’s ice rink. The building was decorated with colorful lights which painted the pristine ice a multitude of colors. Growing up you and your cousins had always gone ice skating on Christmas Day in order to burn off the excess energy caused by the holiday. Last night you had shared that memory with Loki but had no idea he would do something like this.
“The rink is closed today. How did you get in?”
“I know the owner and he owed me a favor.”
Turning, you met the bright green eyes. “You did all of this for me?” Loki nodded. “Why?”
“Because you deserve it.”
Your body was moving before your mind could catch up. You threw your arms around Loki and pulled him into a tight hug. He seemed surprised at the action but after a moment he returned the embrace. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I have no idea how I’ll make it up to you.”
Pulling back, Loki brushed away a tear you didn’t realize had fallen. “You’re welcome and you can make it up to me by making sure I stay upright on the ice. I may have been named after a frost giant but ice and I don’t get along.”
“Come on, you can’t be that bad.”
“Have you seen Bambi?”
You winced and reluctantly stepped back. “I’ll do my best but I can’t promise a miracle.”
Soon the two of you had donned your skates and were stepping onto the ice. You wobbled for a moment as you caught your balance then muscle memory kicked in and soon you were easily gliding across the ice. You made a loop around the rink before joining Loki who hadn’t moved and was holding onto the wall as if it was a lifeline. Holding out a hand you urged him to let go of the wall. “You’ll be fine, I promise. I won’t let you fall.” After a beat he took your hands in his and met your eyes. You could see the nervousness reflected in the green eyes but there was also something that you had never seen before. It took you a moment before you realized that what you were seeing was trust.
You taught him how to march on the ice first which he mastered quickly but short glides threw him off and more than once the two of you nearly toppled over. “I passed the bloody bar, why is this ten times harder?”
“Because you’re putting all of your weight on a thin strip of metal which is on top of a nearly frictionless surface?” Loki’s expression made you laugh. “When you took the bar you used your mind, now you have to trust your body and change your thinking. If you think you’re going to fall then you will fall. Tell yourself that you can do this and you won’t fall. It will make a huge difference.”
Loki stared at you for a long time before sighing before taking your hands once more. Apparently your pep talk worked and soon Loki was slowly but smoothly moving across the ice. “Now let go.” A brief look of panic flashed across the lawyer’s face. “You’re doing great and don’t need me. It’s like Dumbo and his feather. Now let go.” Slowly Loki released your hands and he wobbled for a few seconds before catching his balance. You grinned and continued to skate backwards as he made his way across the ice. Soon he had completed an entire loop and your smile was bright. “You did it!”
“I had a brilliant teacher.” You blushed then headed back onto the ice.
The two of you skated for hours but eventually your muscles began to ache and your cheeks were red from the cold. After returning your skates and sliding your boots on you turned to Loki. “Thank you again. I can’t believe that you did all of this for me.”
He reached out and gently brushed your flushed cheek. “You’re worth it.”
You weren’t sure how to reply but the rumbling of your stomach broke the awkward silence. “I have leftovers at home if you don’t mind eating nachos two days in a row.”
“That’s not necessary. There’s one more stop to make today.”
Walking outside you were shocked at how late it was. The sun was already glowing orange and a glance at your phone told you that it was a little after two in the afternoon. No wonder your stomach was screaming at you.
Piling into the jeep you looked out at the practically deserted city as Loki carefully navigated the snowy streets. The trip wasn’t long and you couldn’t contain your smile when you saw your destination. A local bookstore had a rooftop seating area that was always open to the public. This time of year they put out heat lamps in order to keep their patrons warm and the area was always kept clean of snow and ice, even on holidays.
There was fresh salt on the stairs as you followed Loki upwards and as usual the tables and chairs were clean and dry. Loki flipped on a couple of the heat lamps before placing a large bag on the table. It was a simple meal of sandwiches, chips and soda but it was perfect after a long day at the skating rink. As you ate there was little conversation between the two of you and you were grateful for the silence. You were still in disbelief that Loki would do all of this for you.
After cleaning up your mess you stood and walked to the railing, watching as the sun dipped lower and lower in the sky. A few minutes later you felt Loki come and stand next to you, so close that you could smell the leather of his coat.
“Can I ask you a question?”
Loki turned so he was facing you. “Of course.”
“Why? Why did you come looking for me last night? Why did you stay to watch movies with me? Why did you take me to the rink and then here? Why?”
“It’s like I told you, you deserve it. You are always putting others ahead of you and I wanted to do something specifically for you.”
“Why now? Of all of the days you could have chosen to do this, why Christmas?”
Loki took a step forward and you were tempted to move back but something made you freeze in place. “That’s easy. No one should be alone on Christmas.” He grasped your chin and tilted your head up until you met his eyes. “You don’t have to be alone anymore. Not on Christmas or any other day.”
Your lower lip trembled. “Don’t make promises that you can’t keep.”
“My dear, this is a promise that I swear I won’t break.”
Looking into the brilliant emerald eyes you once more saw trust reflected in them along with something else that made your heart race. After several long moments you moved forwards and wrapped your arms around him. He quickly returned the embrace and the two of you stayed locked together until you could convince yourself to stop shaking.
Turning, you watched as the sun began to dip towards the horizon and a moment later two arms wrapped around you from behind. After a beat you relaxed into the embrace and smiled when you felt Loki brush a kiss against your temple. For the first time in a very long time you weren’t by yourself on Christmas and you hoped that you would never have to face the holiday season alone again.