Chapter Text
Disclaimer: I do not own The Witcher nor any of it’s medias
Summary: Yennefer asks something else of Geralt when she sees he STILL isn’t understanding… She has to do everything around here.
XOXOXO
(Jaskier’s POV)
Things get better for them after his performance in the Great Hall. Geralt and he actually start talking to each other more and the white haired witcher makes a point to see how he is doing at least once a day or visits him before he goes to sleep. When they talk, the usually stoic man uses his words more and does his best to be more open with him. It’s a nice gesture, yet it’s hard to get used to if he’s being honest with himself.
He’s used to assumptions and reaching far to find meanings behind the man’s grunts and actions. For example, when Geralt looks annoyed, yet doesn’t say anything, he knew that meant he wasn’t as annoyed as he looked and could keep talking. When he was silent and walked towards Roach, he needed time alone. Little things like that he spent twenty years piecing together until that fateful day on the mountain where he questioned everything he believed to be true. After the mountain and Geralt’s harsh words, he actually believed that everything he thought was a lie. That all his grunts and complaints really meant he didn’t want the ‘annoying, useless’ bard around.
It was a rough time for him, he drowned his sorrows with his music and drinks; cursing himself for not leaving Geralt’s side the moment after the djinn incident. Maybe he would have been better off; he still would have been heartbroken, but maybe, just maybe if he left then, he would have actually gotten over his love for the man.
Now he knows it’s a useless thing to wish for. His love will never fade for that man; he knew the moment he saw him again in that jail cell. He knew before he spoke that he would follow the witcher again in a heartbeat no matter how badly his heart gets beaten in the process.
Today while the witchers were outside training, he’s with Yennefer in the lab, watching her and Ciri go through the Keep’s stock and making note of things they would need when they make the trek down the mountain. They would be leaving soon since the weather was getting better and wanted to be prepared.
“So, Yennefer tells me that you’re a legend.” Ciri tells him, making the two elders in the room look at her.
He laughs a little and waves her off. “My dear, the witch jests, I assure you. Legends are intoxicating of course, but I am nowhere near legendary worthy.” As he says the words to the two women, he honestly believes them. He may have helped some people during his time in Oxenfurt, but everyone else in this Keep has saved probably thousands. He doesn’t compare to their greatness.
Yennefer tsks at them both.
“Modesty doesn’t suit you Bard.” She tells him smoothly and he narrows his eyes at her. While they spoke after she had him sing his latest masterpiece, he still is a bit bitter towards her. Not enough to not visit her, he knows she doesn’t feel welcome here yet and he knows how that feels. She regrets her choices and deserves a chance to make up for them. She deserves to have someone in her corner giving her praise at her progress. Something he desperately wished he had more times than naught.
“Excuse you, I am but a humble bard. Modesty is my middle name.” He winks at Ciri who can’t help but giggle. The sound reminds him of her actual age and it sombers him. Such a young girl with a big Destiny.
“Your middle name is Alfred.” Yennefer says unamused.
“True, that is my given middle name. My chosen one is Modesty.” He shoots back and he can’t say he hates their back and forth banter. It’s familiar and nice. He knows the witch never had this type of relationship before. A friendship without motives or sexual tension; someone she can let her guard down with. He can’t say he’s never had this type of friendship before, but it is nice to have her as a friend instead of someone to be jealous of.
“No, seriously! Why would she call you that? That sounds like high praise from such a powerful Mage.” The young princess persists in her questioning and he considers telling her.
Why the fuck not? It’s not like Philipa was lurking around listening as in her Owl form for Dijkstra. Plus, much like Yennefer, she cannot enter his mind without permission. Only difference is Philipa doesn’t know that, she thinks she has power over him.
“Well, things in the North aren’t very safe for non-humans right now, especially the Elves. I started helping them get to safety with the help of some benefactors and they were very appreciative to be sent somewhere safe as opposed to a camp where they would be treated like slaves or killed simply for existing.” He tries to keep it as light as possible to spare her the tales of the horrors going on around the continent right now. Seeing elder Elves being beaten down, tied and treated like pigs going to be slaughtered. Children ripped from their mother’s chests and thrown into slave trader’s wagons being sold to do gods only know what.
Images like the ones he’s witnessed are part of the reason he drinks so much now.
“Where do you send them?” The white haired girl asks because of course she would ask that.
He sighs and looks at Yennefer, silently asking her if this was a good idea. She nods because she thinks the girl should be given the truth of what’s really going on. He doesn’t fully disagree.
“I sneak them onto a boat that brings them to Cintra except now it’s called Xin’trea.” He stops when he hears her gasp.
“But Nilfgaard took over Cintra!”
He nods sadly.
“Yes, they did and while I will never agree with the horrors they did to so many, especially you; one thing they are doing that I agree with is giving the Elves a place to live in peace. For too long they were forced to live in the shadows and starve. Too many of them were killed in the ‘Cleansing’. They deserve a place to be safe and I’m sorry that place is one that once belonged to you.”
He and Yennefer see that she wants to say more, probably argue the horrible things Nilfgaard did to her and her people but she doesn’t. He knows Nilfgaard is looking for the princess, why he isn’t sure, but he knows they are an enemy for them. However, he still believes in the work that he did. War is messy and sometimes, both sides are wrong and sometimes even the enemy can do something right. Nothing was simply good or evil anymore.
The two women work in silence for a little before Ciri once again looks at him, this time with determination.
“Have you met a man with a winged helmet? He’s the one that was hunting me after Cintra. He killed my grandparents, Mousesack, he sent a Doppler after me. He’s a horrible man and one day I will kill him.” Her tone is harsh and she looks at him as if waiting for him to argue, yet he says nothing to argue her words. She has every right to find the person who went through so much trouble to try and capture her. Someone who traumatized her. Maybe he’s wrong, but he wouldn’t take away the girl’s right for revenge.
He shakes his head but can’t help but notice Yennefer’s eyes widen a little before she goes back to her unmoved expression. He makes note of that for later.
“No, I never met any Nilfgaardians. They would have probably captured me for information; I went by a pseudonym the refugees gave me and stuck to the taverns. They called me The Sandpiper.”
She nods and seems to believe him before looking back to the raven haired mage. They work for another hour, him piping some joke every now and then that gets ignored before Yennefer dismisses the young girl.
When Ciri leaves, Yennefer motions for him to follow her and he does without hesitation however, they both stop when they see Geralt lingering in the hall. It looks like he’s been there awhile and was waiting for them to finish.
“You smuggled Elves to Cintra?” He grumbles out and his eyes widen and he almost curses. He didn’t want to tell Geralt about The Sandpiper yet, but he knows he would have to soon since they would be leaving the Keep before long.
He sighs before nodding. “Let’s talk somewhere more comfortable. We should get this sorted out now before we leave.” He doesn’t wait for the other two to follow him but knows they will as he makes his way to his room.
When they all enter he knows he can’t beat around the bush.
“When we get down the mountain, I’m going to need to go a seperate way.”
“No.” Geralt says immediately and shakes his head. He knows the witcher is worried about Rience but there’s nothing he can do about him at the moment other than lie low. His hand is all healed from the burns but the emotional torture the man inflicted is still healing. He is able to go in a room with fire, but he can’t stop the flinch when he gets too close.
“You don’t understand Geralt. When I became the Sandpiper, I had to get a benefactor to help fund the Elves to safety…and I know the only reason I was approached was because of my knowledge of you.”
“Who’s your benefactor, you never said.” Yennefer asks softly.
“Sigismund Dijkstra.”
“Fuck.” Geralt curses and starts pacing the room. He knows the witcher and the head of the R.I. had a history but never knew to what extent.
“Which is why as soon as we’re on a path I need to separate from you guys. Philipa has probably been looking for me and as far as they’re concerned I hate you and would betray you in a heartbeat.”
“Is she able to enter your mind?” Yennefer asks, almost jealous at the thought and he can’t help but grin at her which causes her to glare. A jealous Yennefer was cute.
“No, but when she tried entering my mind, I gave her false thoughts to give the illusion she could so they believe me to be loyal. I can’t let that illusion go or else all of the North plus Nilfgaard will be after my capture to get to you and I refuse to be the reason you are all caught and Ciri in danger.”
“You should stay with us if only to try and figure out how you are able to hide your thoughts from magical influence. Not to mention your aging or lack of aging.” Yennefer has been curious about that little trick of his since she discovered it but there’s nothing he can tell her. He doesn’t know why he can keep his mind his own. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t look his age.
“Fuck, Jaskier, this isn’t good. Dijkstra will know you’re loyal to me if you just show up after the winter. We can’t separate. I…we won’t be able to protect you if you go away.” Geralt is frustrated and trying not to let his anger get the best of him. Warmth engulfs him at the gesture because he can see how hard the man is trying not to lash out.
“I could put a glamor on you.” the witch suggests and he shakes his head in denial.
“I still want to do my part to help the elves. There are too many I fear were taken and I don’t have the power to release them from those camps. The best I can do is stop more of them from being caught.” He knows they don’t fully understand his struggle to be useful. The two of them are used to being powerful and not underestimated. They don’t know what it’s like to feel useless to do anything to help.
She nods and sighs as if she can hear his thoughts. It’s something they’ve spoken about during their time here and she knows how important his work is to him. That doesn’t mean she likes it.
“Is there anyone else helping your operation?”
He nods, “Yes, some friends from Oxenfurt. Essi goes by the name Little Eye and is probably the one who took my place at the tavern. A couple others but they made it clear they wouldn’t be doing it full time and the moment they became a suspect to the authorities they were done.”
“So, why can’t she continue and you stay with us?!” Geralt asks again, not wanting them to separate.
“I can’t ask that of her or of you all. Essi didn’t sign up for this, I convinced her to help if I was gone or unable to. I also can’t force you three to take me with you and slow you down. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” He won’t be the reason Ciri gets captured. It would kill him if he was the one to slow such powerful people down and become a burden.
He can’t fight like Geralt or weld magic like Yennefer and Ciri. He is just a bard and he can’t even sing at the moment because it would draw too much attention to him and the people he loves. Also, another selfish part of him doesn’t want to have to witness Geralt and Yennefer become close again. He cares about them both, he can even admit he loves Yennefer as a friend but to watch the both of them fall in love for real? Watch them kiss and…no, nope, he knows he can’t do that. His heart wouldn’t be able to handle that.
“Jaskier, you are not going to slow us down…”Yennefer starts to say and Geralt grunts in agreement but he doesn’t want to hear any false words from them.
“Nothing you say is going to change my mind; I’m just telling you now before we make the trek down.” He gives them both a sad smile before walking out of his room, leaving the soon to be lovebirds alone.
He may be acting a little selfish, but he needs to protect his heart.
XOXOXO
(Geralt’s POV)
Watching Jaskier walk out of his own room, leaving him and Yen alone was making his chest ache. He wants to leave him again and he doesn’t know what he can do to make him stay.
He never had to convince him to stay before. In their time traveling together he actually had to try and get the man to stay away from him, too afraid he’d get hurt in the crossfire of men or monsters. Before now, that never would stop Jaskier from sticking to his side. He’d sing his praises, stand up to bigger more intimidating men to defend him, patch up his wounds. The bard was strong, much stronger than he knew and more loyal than a witcher deserved.
“We can’t let him go off on his own.” He tells the witch who scoffs at him. It still unbalanced him that she and Jaskier are so close now. She held the bard highly and was fiercely protective of him in a way that made him…unsettled. She was a better friend to him than he ever was to the human and that thought sickened him.
“Well obviously, so what are you going to do about it Geralt?” She’s giving him that look that he absolutely hates. That look showed that she thinks he is a complete idiot.
He doesn’t want to say that he doesn’t know what to do to make Jaskier stay with them so he just grunts. Yen, being the smart woman she is, and also knowing him for about ten years, just rolls her eyes.
“I swear, one of these days I’m going to have to lock you two in a room and actually talk.” She grumbles low enough for him to strain his ears to hear.
“I’ve been talking more!” He feels the need to defend himself. He’s really been trying to be more open and honest with his…friend but not friend. He still doesn’t have a clear definition of what he should call Jaskier other than his. Whenever he thinks it, that ache in his chest gets smaller in ways, but bigger in a different way. It’s so confusing.
She gives him a small smile, almost apologizing without saying the words. Yen has been trying too, he knows that, but he still doesn’t fully trust her. He doesn’t know if he ever will again. All he knows is, while he still desires her sexually, he doesn’t desire her in other ways. He doesn’t want to sit with her and talk about how he feels or find out how she is feeling. Call it cruel but other than her helping Ciri, he doesn’t really care about how she is doing. He hopes one day they can be friends but right now their only connection is his Child.
She was meant to be by his side when it comes to Ciri, he knows Destiny forced them together for that purpose. Other than that, however, he doesn’t need her in his life. At least not now.
“I know you have, you both have been trying to be more honest with each other. Yet there is still a lot you both are holding back. Jaskier is still protecting himself.”
It hurts to hear that Jaskier still feels the need to protect himself from him. That must mean he doesn’t fully believe his apology.
“Before you start on your self loathing brooding, why don’t you talk to him? Help ease some of those doubts he has.” Her suggestion is tempting but he really doesn’t know how to do that. She must see that on his face because she sighs annoyed and rolls her eyes.
“Talk to him and make him understand that his presence with us will do more good than he knows. Not just for Ciri but how him being with us will make you feel. He thinks we will slow us down and be a liability, make him understand that’s the last thing he is to you.”
He scoffs.
“I can’t even think of a proper title to what he is to me, how the fuck can I explain that to him!?”
“You can’t think of what he is to you because you’re an emotionally stunted idiot.” She answers without missing a beat and he wants to argue but they both know she is right.
“If you don’t want to lose him, you will figure it out. Talk to him. Call it another debt I’m collecting but you need to figure this out. You’re not the only one who doesn’t want to separate from him.”
When she leaves, he is standing in Jaskier’s room with the lingering scents of him and Yennefer. Almost immediately he tries to ignore the scent of lilac and gooseberries and focus on the scent of his bard.
Breathing in and out, he thinks of how he is going to put into words how much he doesn’t want to lose Jaskier after finally getting him back.
He doesn’t know how long he spends in his room, breathing in the scent of Chamomile, parchment, and something else uniquely Jaskier, before he hears Ciri calling his name for supper.
He thinks he knows what he is going to say, and he needs to say it now before he loses his nerve. He practically runs to the great hall, leaving his Child Surprise to yell after him, but for once he pays her no mind.
Jaskier is sitting with Yen and his brothers, laughing at some joke Lambert is telling and before he can get upset on how close his Jaskier and his brother are, Jaskier looks at him and gives a small smile.
“Can I talk to you?” He asks softly, causing Jaskier’s eyes to widen a moment, before nodding and getting up. He sees that he exchanges a look with Yennefer before nodding at him to lead the way.
He was going to take him back to his own room but in the end thinks better of it and walks towards the library. Jaskier seems to know this conversation is meant to be private because he doesn’t say anything on their walk to the room with books much older than them both.
“What’s wrong Geralt, talk to me?” Jaskier’s voice is soft and gentle like the warmth of the sun hitting on a delicate dandelion. How many times has the man before him asked him to talk to him and tell him what was on his mind? How many times did he scoff and reject his offer at friendship?
“I just got you back, and I don’t want to lose you.” He says simply and Jaskier’s eyes widen once more at his bluntness.
“You’re not going to lose me if we temporarily separate…” He starts to say and he shakes his head.
“But I could! Anything could happen to you while you are away from us…away from me. Dijkstra could deem you untrustworthy after being gone so long, the Firefucker could find you, Nilfgaard, anything could happen and I can’t…I can’t take the thought of me not being able to protect you.” He admits and Jaskier moves closer to him and pulls him in a soft hug. They haven’t hugged a lot, their first hug being when he rescued him from jail, but hugs were becoming more normal for them both and he can admit that hugging Jaskier is one of his favorite things.
“I appreciate that you want to protect me, really, but you can’t protect me forever. You need to protect Ciri more and I won’t let myself be the reason you lose your focus on her and something happens. She is too important, much more important than a silly bard. I would only be a burden to you all.”
He shakes his head in denial, ready to argue more but Jaskier moves away from him and holds his hand up.
“I’m also doing good work as the Sandpiper, I would like to continue helping. I may not be able to weld a sword or make a portal, but I can help in other ways.”
“You help more than you know.”
“You have Ciri and you will have the she-demon. You won’t even realize I’m gone.” His voice sounds sad but so sure of his words and it feels like a punch in the stomach because Jaskier honestly believes his own words.
“That’s not true. I can’t do this without you. Ciri is important, that much is true, and so is Yen. We need them but we need you just as much. You are so important to us, but more so to me.”
He hears Jaskier’s heart speed up at his words but his face looks almost pained.
“Please don’t do this Geralt…don’t give me hope.” He pleads and he moves closer to him once more and pulls him in his arms.
Without being able to look at each other it seems to give Jaskier the strength to keep speaking.
“Please don’t give me the hope that you won’t one day tire of me. I know I am too much for everyone, but I couldn’t take it if you sent me away once again. To have you choose Yennefer over me once more and treat me like I make your life worse…it would break me. I wouldn’t be able to recover from that pain again.” He confesses which makes him hold onto the man even tighter, almost to the point of pain.
“I will never tire of you or choose Yennefer over you again. It was a mistake I already made once, letting you go, and it is something I deeply wish I could take back. I will spend everyday making that mistake up to you if you give me the chance. It would please me.” He finishes and he feels the bard softly laugh in contentment at his words.
“That’s what will please you? Having me follow you around?” He asks almost breathlessly and he shakes his head again.
“Having you by my side as MY Jaskier is what will please me. Helping me bring Ciri to greatness and keeping Yen on her toes.” They both laugh at that.
“I will go with you if that is what you really need but it can’t be like last time. We have to keep talking to each other.” He reminds him in a mock stern tone.
He hums and releases him a little from his embrace enough for him to look into Jaskier’s cornflower blue eyes.
“There’s no one else I’d rather talk to than you.”