Chapter Text
The Archon wants her brother but settles for her. This he says as he rips her from her shelf and rapes her mind. He rips her apart without a care, forcing his way into her head till her throat is raw from screaming. And when her voice is gone he continues his assault, reaching his black tainted fingers into her consciousness to rip SAM out of her.
She thinks it’s been days since the abduction on Elaaden, but time is a warped thing and she can’t think beyond the pain. She tries to resist, and its a horrible thing that the Archon can do. Project her memories, dragging them from the depths of her mind, and watching them. She has to concentrate to avoid giving information. It gets harder the longer he pulls and twist and claws at her.
She's not sure at first what he wants, but she won’t give him anything. She tries not to think of her home galaxy, where it is amongst the stars, or of Aya and it’s hidden jewel or where the Nexus is. So many secrets she knows and now she needs to protect them all with everything she has.
Her body grows weak and weary beneath the assault. Without food or water, her mind begins to give. And in the darkness of the ship, the Archon sees all.
“You are pathetic.” He sneers over her curled body, foot crushing her wrist. She can feel the bone snapping but there's not a sound that escapes her throat. He’s broken her mind, and is working to shatter her spirit. “Nothing more than some useful trash. Tossed aside when your used up.” He barks something to the other Kett, dragging her body and broken mind inside of Meridian.
She may be cracked and fractured, broken as he said. But even glass can be sharp.
So she fights. She fights with her broken mind, and fractured spirit. She fights with her bleeding body. She fights with her silent voice and tears. She fights until there is truly nothing left.
And she weeps when Scott comes in like an explosion yelling her name. She's so happy to see him. So glad that he fights for her, to get to her. That he never gave up on her.
That he came for her.
But even though he came, she can tell, from the swarm of Kett, from the rising remnant and the Archons’s deep cackling laugh, she can tell that Scott was struggling. Fighting a tide of enemy’s he hadn’t been truly prepared for.
So she struggles against her weak beaten body, forcing herself to move. Everything in her screams in agony as she tumbles from the chair. Remnant tethers tug at the back of her head, the back of her mind twitches . She’s so focused on belly crawling towards the console she doesn’t realize until it's too late.
Her arm is caught, the sharp blades of metal are crushing her arm, pinning it in place as the flooring shifts, capturing her. She can only wheeze out wordless noises of pain. Tears she had thought dried up, sprung anew in her eyes. Dripped from her lashes as frustrations at her limitation build.
Scott’s in the distance fighting against the kett, against the remnant, against the archon. She can tell he was struggling against the ever shifting chamber.
Scott needed her, and she was trapped.
Her arm was pinned against sharp metal flooring. Connected to the remnant for the Archon to force SAM and her cooperations. To the right, just beyond her reach was a dead kett, gun still grasped between its hands.
With a warbly cry from her throat she pulled on her arm. The piercing pain was nothing but a tunnel in the back of her head. Even as her skin peels back, bone broken-breaking beneath the sharp edges of the vibrating flooring. She could feel the warmth of her blood seeping into her side, but that wasn’t on her mind as she focused on stretching her fingers out, reaching, twisting, tugging till her body jolted forward.
Fingers grasp at the handle till sher’s rolling over looking at the Archon above. Stella doesn’t even wait to fully grasp the gun before her bloody fingers are pulling at the trigger.
The gun is automatic, bullets spraying across the archon’s body. Her aim may have been off at first, but it only took a single one to punch a hole through his forehead. It almost seems to occur in slow motion, the blash of his skin exploding apart. The spray of his brains and blood against the wires connecting him to all the remnants.
In a blink their greatest foe was dead.
And it was almost surreal.
The Archon goes limp, blood pours from the gaping portion of his head. She stares as he swings to and fro, dangling above her. Her vision blurs, gun drops from her hand. Scotts yelling in the background. And she’s trapped watching his blood coat her, swinging like a pendulum.
Stella turns her head, she can’t take the sight above her any longer. Her brow draws together, she is confused when she sees her hand further away from her body than it should have been. Her confusion lasts till her brother is sliding in beside her.
He’s making an awful noise, hands hovering over her form. “Lexi-we need-LEXI!” He calls over his shoulder to someone. Stella mumbles out wordless syllables that she would be fine as her eyes roll.
Scott is sobbing while he presses medigel after medigel into her system. “I got you Stella.” He smooths her hair back from her face. “I got-I got.” He bends, scooping her gently up. “Don’t leave me.” He clutches her to his chest, sobbing, but she is happy.
Even as her eyes droop, the smile curling her lips is real.
“You came for me.” Its whispered, rasping against her bloody lips and it only seems to make him cry harder.
He gathers her small broken pieces, careful to not break her more, and tries so hard to put back together her brokenness. He has her leaning against his chest, carefully wrapping her arm. He keeps applying the pressure, but it seems to keep dripping with red. Stella’s confused though, it was her arm but where was the rest of it .
She thinks she needs to tell Scott about her hand laying discarded behind him, but she can’t. He seems so determined though. Begging her to stay with him as he huffs, trying to lift her in his arms.
“Scott,” Vetra’s blurry face peers over his shoulder. “Let me carry her. You’re-“
“Fine,” He croaks. “I’m fine.” He presses his forehead against Stella’s. “I’m fine.”
But he wasn’t, she could tell, even with her brokenness. He’s exhausted, his arms shake when he stands, the black circles under his eyes, he was pale.
Vetra is there, manibles moving. She’s talking but Stella can’t hear. Her eyes begin to roll. She hopes Vetra makes him stop. He should just leave her, she was already broken anyway. Stella begins to sink into darkness, finally letting go.
There’s a jolt of awareness when thick arms lifted her up. She can feel his current, its both vibrating with worry and rolling over her with warmth. She feels his nose pressed to his temple, he takes deep huffing breaths and lets out a soft purr.
“I have you Stella.”
She can’t open her eyes but she doesn’t think he can hold onto her. She belongs on her shelf. Safely tucked away waiting to be of use.
But she’s so broken how much use could she be now?
She wakes to bright light and soft chatter. When she tries to speak nothing but wheezing breathes come out.
Lexi’s if the first face she sees, then Harry. They both look relieved.
“Stella, can hear me?” Harry speaks softly slowly.
Her lips move but there are no words. She must have looked distraught as Harry gently recaptures her attention.
“You took some heavy damage.” He’s speaking softly slowly and it worries her. “We aren’t sure what being hooked up to the remnant might have done, but we think you will make a full recovery.”
“That's right.” Lexi smiles but it's stiff and Stella knows it's fake. “Your vocals went under a lot of stress, you might have lost your voice but it's temporary.”
Temporary .
That was the doctor's new favorite word. Temporary.
You can’t feel your toes, well give it some time. It might, probably, may only be temporary .
It’s hard to breathe? Don’t worry we’ll give you some air, it's only temporary .
Dizzy? Get some sleep, you’ll feel better. It is, after all, temporary .
There isn’t much she can do about it. They give her a long list of what is wrong with her, from traumatic brain injury to shattered bones. Both Lexi and Harry are gentle in the way they speak, slowly. As if speaking with a child. It is another facture to her shattered soul when they explain her arm.
Gone .
Just above the elbow.
They explain, saying that from what the reports have stated she sacrificed it to save Scott and his team. To save them all.
Sacrificed.
Another word she knows well. She’s a living example. She’s beyond repair now. Lexi tries to break the words down, but it’s Harry that explains that prosthetics could be used, but not for a long time. Something about her implants and the remnant syncing, and the fear of overloading her system. For her safety all implants were off.
She doesn’t think they understand very well when she merely smiles at all of this and lets out a soundless chuckle. Her outside now matched her inside.
Broken
Both Lexi and Harry give her a flat lipped concerned look when she does. She wished she could simply tell them she was happy to still be alive.
Maybe .
Scott is the first visitor, and that's a monitored short visit as Lexi worries about tiring Stella out.
He tells her how she’s a hero.
She doesn’t feel like one.
He says everyones waiting for her. Says that everyone is celebrating, but the real party won’t begin until she’s out.
She doubts the validity of this. No one has waited for her before, she’s not worth it.
Scott tells her how much the crew misses her. He makes an emphasis on Jaal.
“He wanted to see you first, you know. Been pacing outside these doors waiting for you to wake up. Lexi actually chased him out with a pillowcase.”
Stella thinks her brother is telling tall tales but she appreciates the humor of it. Even if he’s a liar. She was sure Jaal felt bad about how their last conversation went. He likely wanted to make amends. But she could easily see him seeking comfort in Peebee’s blue bosom.
To which she wished to share with Scott so that he could laugh at her odd humor.
“I was thinking too,” Scott scratched the back of his head in thought. “That I owe you a big thanks Stella. We all do.”
She blinks, looking owlishly at him.
“I didn’t realize how much you do for us.” He huffed. “The minor details.” He scrubs his beard, its grown unruly since she last saw him and made a note to order his favorite shaving cream and more razor blades.
Scott catches her hand, the only one left and gives it a gentle squeeze. “You were always looking out for me Sis. For everyone.” There's tears there as he speaks, voice hitching. “I’m sorry I didn’t look out for you.”
Eyes wide she tries to catch his face in her shaky hand. She’s wheezing out wordless syllables. Trying desperately to let him know that he didn’t need to fret over this. That he was her brother, her twin brother! They had each other's back. It was okay that he didn’t know her favorite color, or that she hated drinking cold water, or that she was madly in love with someone who didn’t feel the same. It was okay because he always came for her. He came when the archon took her. And she loved him more for that. She loved him more than herself.
“Hue cam fur m-huhee.”
She rasps the halting sentence out and coughs as it tears her throat apart. But the look on his face was worth it.
She dips her chin to stare at his water eyes. She mouths the words once more. ‘You came for me.’
He sobs into her shoulder, careful of the bandages and tubes and that she’s broken and barely hanging on.
Lexi comes around later to shoo him out. And Stella misses him already as he glances over his shoulder with those big red rimmed eyes. He promises to come back soon.
—-----
She’s put on some big time drugs. An infection is what they tell her. Something foreign in her body, trying to wreak havoc on her system. Lexi is confident that she’ll be fine, especially since her fever broke a few hours ago. But the drugs they have her on keeps her suspended in an odd warped reality.
She sees the Archon dangling from the window, swaying back and forth attached to the remnant tethers. Green blood drips from him, there’s an odd twisted smile stretching across his face. She can’t look away, no matter where her eyes land, he’s there.
Swinging to and for, back and forth, dripping with blood -
And then Scotts blocking her view with a frown. His face is blurry, she can’t see his eyes but can see his mouth moving.
“I thought you said you had the infection under control.” His words are harsh. Like the snap of a rubber band.
She wants to apologize, that she didn’t know about the infection but she’ll take care of it. She’s good like that. Taking care of others.
She blinks and Scotts gone, its dark, but the Archon is still there, swinging back and forth like a pendulum.
Stella thinks if she just cuts him down it will be the end of it-
“Stella!” Lexi’s voice is startling and strange. She looks both shocked and pleading.
Where did she come from? Stella leans heavily on the window frame, glancing back at the body. Swinging to and fro-
“Please come down.” Lexi’s hands are up, her voice fraught with worry. “It’s dangerous-you haven’t healed-oh goddess-Harry!”
She’s never seen Lexi show so much emotion before and can’t help but step towards the asari.
Lexi grabs her immediately, hands pressing to her ribs. She doesn’t realize till then how much they hurt. And how red her gown is. She sways into Lexi, her knee’s buckle and she’s falling.
Falling, spiraling down, the shuttles exploded, she’s shrieking out hands trying to grab- Jaal’s cocking his head, smiling down at Peebee, hand reaching to stroke her cheek-The Archon hangs, swaying back and forth from where she’s put a bullet between his eyes. His green blood pours down on her below as he sways back and forth, back and forth.-Alec stands over the broken remnants of her favorite doll, its shattered, useless.
Like her
Gasping Stella’s head rolls. She fights to lift her eyes, mewling silently at the pink and blue blurred figure leaning over her. She can feel his current and fights to stay if only for a moment.
But then he’s slipping away and Stella’s hand twitches to catch him. Why was everyone always leaving her behind?
“Ssshhh, Stella .” Jaal croons in her ear, she can feel him petting her hair. There’s someone shouting in the background, but she’s focused more on the angara than the snarling. “Sleep little one.” He rumbles. “Sleep.”
She can’t help but obey, eyes sliding closed. Even though she doesn’t want to.
Stella blinks again, she’s swimming amongst darkness again. But not alone, she can see Lexi holding a syringe. She’s talking softly to someone.
“She’ll only be out for a little while. A few days, just until-”
“What if she never wakes up Lexi? What then?” Scotts words are sharp, ripping a clearity into Stella’s mind for a moment.
She shifts her head and catches blue. Blue nestled in a sea of black. Her hand is reaching out, and caught in a warm grasp. She wants to beg, to plead, to ask what it is they are doing but Jaal bends over her and kisses her eyes.
She doesn’t even feel the prick of the needle.
—-----
When she dreams it's of a garden. There’s deep rumbling laughter and dancing bioelectricity. She is smiling, watching the swirl of warm colors wash over her.
She is home
—-----
When she opens her eyes again, Vetra is sitting there, datapad in hand.
Pain dances on the edge of her nerves, gnawing at her consciousness. She can only make silent sounds of discomfort. Her head is fuzzy, but clearing. Every inch of her body aches, as if she’s been in the same position for a long time.
“You’re awake.” Vetra’s mandibles twitch, chittering softly with worry though the smile seems genuine. “Gave us all a fright. Trying to climb out the window.”
Stella blinks, She didn’t remember that. There's a frown tugging her lips.
“Lexi and Harry decided it best to put you in a medically induced coma.”
That she liked even less as she shifted around against the bedding. Pain seems to grow louder, every inch of her hurt.
“You’ve been out for a week now.” Vetra lets out a flanged chuckle. “Your brother is an unlucky s.o.b.” She leaned in like she was about to divulge some great secret. “He and Jaal have been keeping watch over you everyday. This is the first time Lexi’s forced them out. Just like you Stella to make a big fuss when waking up.”
She tries to smile but the muscles of her cheek jump. Pain is all she can focus on. Vetra seems to notice now.
“Hold on, I'll alert Lexi.” She reaches out to smooth some of Stella’s hair, tucking it behind her ear. “Welcome back.”
Lexi seems pleased when she looks Stella over. She tells her the infection is gone, they would keep her on some pain meds but mild ones. “Your systems are already overloaded. We don’t want to hurt it anymore.”
Stella can’t say much in protest. But the meds take the edge off. She’s able to doze more from the cocktail Lexi gave.
Its dark when she wakes up again. Silent and dark. She hates it. She can’t make any noise to alert anyone. It’s like she’s trapped in a tomb, unable to do anything but lay and accept her fate. Tears burn her eyes and she starts to breathe harder wishing for at least a light to be on.
A finger strokes along her scalp, she inhales softly turning to see Jaal looking at her. His current is fluttering across her skin. Excited, happy, pleased. Then there's the low thrumming warm on that spreads across her throat and chest. She still doesn’t understand it, but doesn’t care too much. She’s not alone in the dark and that just makes it alright.
“Did I wake you?” His voice is soft. Like he’s afraid to disturb the darkness.
She gently shakes her head.
He hums in the back of his throat, staring down at her. She can’t see much of his face and has to squint for details. She desperately wants to say something. To apologize for the mess she’s caused, but she can’t. Even her biotics are silent. Lexi had the L5 Impant turned off. Not wanting Stella to injure herself further.
He stands and she reaches out, weakly grabbing just the edge of his rofjinn only for it to slip past her grasp. How poetic, she thinks as he slips past her weak hold, the very embodiment of their relationship. She hadn’t even held him before he was slipping away.
Jaal quickly catches her frail hand and holds onto it.Cutting away the bubbling misery brewing in her mind. “I’m not leaving.” He rasped, “Just turning on a light.”
She gives a tight lip smile, bottom lip quivering.
“Sshh.” He gently tucks her hand back into bed and strokes her cheek once before walking to turn on the small light not far from her bed.
“There.” He sits back again by her and studies her face. There's something there, in his eyes. “I am sorry Stella.” He brushes his fingers along her throat. “If I hadn’t…”
She shakes her head. If she hadn’t run from him it would have been Scott that was taken. And if he had been taken she fears he wouldn’t be sitting alive in bed as she was. This was for the better. Scott was important to all of andromeda, she was not. And this, She wishes she could say that but Jaal merely sighs.
“I miss your biotics.” He hums in thought tracing a finger down her forearm. All the hairs stand at attention from the action. All of her is at attention. “I knew what you were feeling even when you weren’t saying it or trying to hide it.” He turns her palm over, and she watches as he drags his finger along her palm and up one finger then back down to go up another finger. “I miss how you would envelope me with it, how it would sing against my skin the deepness of your love.” He catches her eyes. “But I never understood why you were always sad.” He pauses for a moment, there's an apology in his words, in his current.
He didn’t need to apologize, she wasn’t his responsibility.
“I think I understand now.” He pulled her hand up pressing his mouth to the back of her knuckles.
Her brows furrowed at the action, and he just stares at her. She wished now that it was Scott here instead. She wasn’t ready to face these wounds too. She hadn’t pieced enough of herself back together to take the blow from Jaal. He would obliterate her with a single word.
Her fingers twitch and she looks away from him, hoping he would just let it go for once.
“I see you.” Jaal purrs the words and it makes her gaze jump back to his. “I see you now. And you are wonderfully, beautifully bright. Blindingly so.”
She tries to turn her head but he catches her chin and leans over her. Hand caught in one, chin in the other, she’s ultimately captured by him.
“Sahuna told me,” His hand moves to cup her face, thumb stroking the skin of her cheek. “What you said the day of the gathering.”
There a soft whine pitched low in her throat, she attempts to turn her head again but Jaal leans down pressing their foreheads together. “It wasn’t hard to start piecing together what you were saying, what you were doing, all that you did.” He smiles at her and she feels her heart cracking open.
“You didn’t want to be noticed, but you were so desperate for an ounce of love.” He stroked his thumb down her throat, nuzzling her temple while the pad pressed to her pulse. “So shy about it too. Teasingly so.” He growled low in his throat. “And when I noticed you-when I saw you,” He amended softly. “I couldn’t look away.”
“Stars,” He breathed against her skin and she’s shaking beneath him. So many emotions and nothing to stop them from surfacing. “You are captivating and I-you make my heart sing.” He breathed, finger danced along her jaw. “I wish I had held onto you.” He murmured pulling back to look down at her. “So you had to listen to me.” His lips curled, voice dropping into a husky tone. “Things would have been different.”
Stella’s staring wide eyed up at him, cheeks pink. He chuckles at her, kissing the tip of her nose. Which makes her go cross eyed. “Temptress.” He murmurs and she wrinkles her nose.
Surely Jaal had lost his mind.
“If you had listen to me.” He sniffed indignantly “you would have known what I am saying to you now.” She feels a pulse of warmth against her chest, curling around her throat. The suggestive caress that makes her pale skin darken. “Do you know what I’m saying now?” He’s cupping her cheeks, thumb trailing along the corner of her mouth.
She's gaping at him now, lips parted in surprise.
“Instead of being stuck in the nomad with your brother, wandering the hot desert, I could have been discovering what you tasted like.” Jaal’s eyes glint with interest.
She shoves her hand into his face and looks the other direction her eyes are wide and she feels tremors shaking through her muscles.
He laughs softly and kisses her palm, gently taking it and placing it over his heart. “I adore you.” He rumbles leaning forward. “How strong you are, how kind you are, how sweet ,” He purrs, lips skimming along her jaw. “You are.” Her breath is hiccupping. “I love you.” He groans against her cheek, peppering her skin with soft kisses. “Stella I love you.” He cupped her cheeks and tilted her face back.
He kisses her. His lips are warm and smooth and firm. And she feels like glass.
Her first kiss and she thought it would be more like fireworks, like the way her trashy romance novels described. She thought she would be set ablaze with feelings, that there would be burning passion dancing along her nerves as she tried to steeple herself into his soul. She expected supernovas and eruptions. She expected his lips to leave her wanting more.
But his touch made her feel vulnerable, that if he handled her wrong, too much pressure, moving too fast, taking too much, she’d shatter and break beneath him. When he kissed her there was no fire, no eruptions of passion, no birth of stars at his touch. There was only a tenderness she never felt before.
He treated her like she was precious. Holding her gently in place as his mouth rubbed once, twice, again and again, over her lips before settling with just the slightest of pressure. The tingling contact shot through her like a gentle current of water. Lapping at her tired soul with adoration and patients and most of all love.
When he kissed her, she was porcelain. Fragile and ready to break, and he had known.
“Darling one,” He pulls back. “Please don’t cry.” His thumb sweeps up the tears but more follow.
She hiccups, closing her eyes against the sight of him looking softly at her. She sobs because he’s all she wanted. And she couldn’t even have what he’s offering.
She could never be his, when he still had Peebee. It would destroy what little of her was left. She would always know that she was second in his affection.
Jaal stays by her side, even when she begins to drift to sleep. He is amused by her struggles and leans in kissing her down turned mouth. “Sleep my little human.” He murmured. “Get strong.”
—---
When she dreams she's in the a garden. Flowers bloom around her, a brook babbles in the distance. There’s deep rumbling laughter and she is smiling. Her eyes watch as the sun casts colors across the field, washing her in them. Someone squeals her name in the distance as Jaal chases after the little ones.
Stella laughs and closes her eyes.
She’s home .
—------
When she wakes its not Jaal or Scott by her side.
“You know,” Peebee is frowning at her. “You really scared me.” She huffed, waving her arms up in the air. “My best friend, taking on the archon alone-don't’ give me that look, you are my best friend.” She wags a finger in Stella’s face, cheeks puffed out as she pouts. “Really thought we lost you.”
Stellas surprised when the asari looks away, eyes glassy. “When Jaal carried you out. You are all bloody and bones sticking out and AGH!” Peebee shouted to the ceiling making Stella jump. “Don’t you go doing that again.”
She doesn’t know what she expected. But seeing the anger, the concern, the feelings that Peebee, the great asari goddess, was worried for her?
It just broke her.
The sobbing was instant and she couldn't stop once she started, even if she was making horrible noises.
“Oh hey hey don’t start that!” Peebee stood. “If Scott or Jaal see you like this they’ll blame me. And having those two mad at you is no fun, trust me.” She stops when Stella grabs her jacket and pulls. Tugging on it weakly. Peebee could have easily stopped her but she bent giving Stella a loose hug.
“Ya ya I get it. No need for the waterworks.” Peebee’s voice sounded particularly strained, and when she pulled back she wiped her eyes quickly. “Seriously you need to stop before Jaal comes back.” She gave Stella a lopsided grin, winking. “He’s pretty protective over you.”
Stella hiccuped, wiping her eyes the best she could even though she couldn’t stop the soft simpering. She mouthed wordless apologize to Peebee, wishing she could tell her how terrible she felt for intruding onto what she and Jaal had but the asari was none the wiser.
“No really, one of the nurses was talking about how you should have died and the big guy over heard, it took both me and Liam to keep him from going at the nurse.” Peebee snorted. “I heard from Verta that he demanded he carry you after Scott got to you. Apparently your brother was not too keen to pass you up, but Vetra insisted.”
Stella is frowning a little, Peebee seems to be only talking about Jaal which made her feel worse for what had happened.
“Look,” Peebee sighed suddenly, shifting in the chair. “You...you guys are family for me.” She seemed to struggle for a moment. “I didn’t know how you felt about Jaal.”
Stella jerked, looking down at her hand, fisting in the sheet. Her lips moved, wordless apologies falling from them. She knew she couldn't’ compete with Peebee, and she would understand if the asari was mad at her for even attempting. Stella felt a fool-
“I would have never flirted so much with him had I known.” Peebee looked to the side gently rubbing at her jaw. “I’m not looking for a serious thing, after-well you know .” She waved her hand in the air. “Jaal was just a nice distraction.”
Stella gaped at her.
“Look, you humans got some weird attachment things.” She paused. “Like serious attachment issues-like why is Suvi so attached to those rocks? And Gil named his favorite wrench Greta !? In all my hundreds of years I still don’t understand you humans.” She sniffed muttering a few words under her breath that it wasn’t the same with POC and her. “The point-my point is that what me and Jaal had, it’s not complicated we were just oh scratching an itch? That’s the human phrase right? He gets me in that odd sort of way that other races don’t get.” She shrugged.
Stella stares up at her with teary eyes, wondering if perhaps she was so broken that everything was messed up. She worried that she had stolen Jaal with guilt. And as Peebee pats her hand and tells her about her recent discoveries Stella can’t help but wish her voice back.
She needed to get back to her shelf. After all, it's where she belonged. Not here surrounded by everyone looking at her.
She was too broken to be loved .