Chapter Text
“Hey!” Tommy shouts, leaning his body against the railings. “Am I going to get that back?”
The woman rolls her eyes, sitting at the round desk. Next to her is Tommy’s multitool.
The one thing he was relying on to get him out of this cell.
Unsurprisingly, it was the first thing they took off of him. He’s managed to hide that golden orb with Clementine inside of it, but he’s not sure how helpful she’d be in this situation.
The woman twirls her pen, filling out a crossword puzzle. “Two across: A confining institution for beings.”
Is she speaking to him?
Tommy scrunches his nose up. “What the fuck does that mean.”
“Government?”Technoblade descends down the stairs into the hall. Tommy brings himself to his full height behind the bars.
The woman smiles at him. “No dear, four letters.”
Techno shrugs and grabs a chair, pulling it over to Tommy’s cell.
Tommy rolls his eyes. “Jail?”
The woman's painted lips split into a wild grin. “Brilliant.”
Techno snorts and takes a seat across from Tommy.
Tommy pokes his head between the gaps in the bars. “Am I allowed out yet?”
“No.” Techno huffs. “You’re a wanted criminal who boarded our ship with intent to harm and steal.”
“Yeah but I didn’t.” Tommy crosses his arms, looking rather offended.
Techno laughs, “Yeah I suppose. Although technically , you did break onto our government ship with accomplices, steal half our valuables, commit identity fraud, identity theft, get left behind and become a stow away. Then avoided arrest, decided to enter coordinates that aren’t registered by the captain which is a crime…” Techno takes a deep breath.
“...Then you physically assault Wilbur, avoided arrest once more, continued stealing our resources and being a stowaway, avoided arrest again, assaulted Wilbur again although I’ve been told it was mutual?”
Tommy nods his approval, recalling the vents fiasco.
Techno continues, “You broke into a prisoners cell using an illegally crafted smoke bomb and highly illegal multitool, severely injured and assaulted more people— although they kinda deserved it, break into even more cells and then—” Techno pauses.
“Actually, that’s kind of it. You got arrested after that.”
“My favourite part was punching Wilbur in the throat.”
Technoblade hums his agreement. “You did punch Wilbur in the throat so I’m not sure you even deserve to be in here.”
“So glad we’re on the same page. Let me out.” Tommy holds his hand out, waiting for Technoblade to shake on the deal.
“Ehhhh… nah. Phil gets final say over what happens to you.”
“Oh.” Tommy blinks, scrunching his nose up. If he thinks about it, he really has done a lot since being on this ship. But overall, he thinks he’s done more good than harm. Right?
“Yep.” Techno leans back in his seat, watching Tommy.
“How do they decide that?”
“Big old meeting. Everyone is supposed to be there but it’s only if you have something you want to add. You’ve got to be pretty ballsy to stick up for one of the galaxy’s most wanted criminals.”
Techno rolls his eyes, “Don’t smile at that. That wasn’t an ego boost, that's your criminal sentence. If Wilbur doesn’t manage to pull off some insane stunt so he can keep you, we’re throwing you off the ship.”
“Like abandoning me on a random planet? That’s not too bad.”
“No, I mean we’re throwing you into the vacuum of space and then taking your body to go collect your bounty. Are you kidding? The price on your head is enough to buy us a fully upgraded, high technology ship and we could all go on vacation leave. L’manberg 2.0 is the current name everyone’s thinking about.”
“What the fuck! You’re already planning what you’d spend my bounty on?”
Techno looks at Tommy in a confused manner. “...obviously?”
“Fuck you!”
Techno barks out a laugh. “I’m kidding… sorta.”
Tommy frowns at him which only makes Techno laugh harder.
A plan begins to form in Tommy’s mind. He can make them want to keep him alive. Maybe he’s a little annoying at first but hey! He’ll be damned if he’s not charming. Surely his personality and dashing figure is worth more than some cash.
“When do they decide all this?”
“Right now, actually.”
Fuck.
—————
Phil locks his hands together, pressing down on the table they find themselves surrounding. A white metal table with blue glass in the middle. Projected in the air is a less than flattering photo of Tommy Innit. Above his head, a more than rewarding prize for his capture. The sum is stated in a universal form of currency, Galactones.
The high number is enough to make a king's mouth water.
Phil’s mouth is watering. If he was sure saliva wouldn’t drip out, his jaw would be dropped in awe.
Jack, the man sitting to his right, whistles. “Are we really about to turn that down?” The man laughs in pure amazement and stands from his seat. He takes off his red and blue visor to see the number better.
Wilbur grabs Jack's arm and drags him back down.
“It’s not that much.”
“Piss off.” Jack exclaims and waves a hand at the screen. “That’s enough money to fund my college debt and next 3 vacations.”
Wilbur shrugs, rolling his eyes in displeasure. The number shining in the air vibrates and changes.
“It just went up!” Jack shouts. “How did it just go up!”
Phil pinches the bridge of his nose. This meeting is going to end up being a fight.
“Clementine, bring up Tommy Innit’s file.”
Across the room, a thousand things appear at once. All through the air, there are pieces of text, news articles, statements involving Tommy Innit.
Clementine's familiar smile pops up, projected in a shine of blue. “Will that be all?”
“Just wait.” Phil whispers, staring in shock. His eyes find their way over one video of Tommy captaining a ship, flying it straight through a building in an attempt to get off planet.
Jack slumps back into his seat, staring at different pieces of information throughout the air.
“There’s no way.” Niki mutters, her neck craned upwards and a hand covering her mouth.
It’s like the night sky is illuminated. Thousands of stars, replaced by information of Tommy.
Although there are a few photos of Tommy, a lot of shaky security footage, there is almost equally as much of the two boys he works with. Tubbo and Ranboo.
Eret enters the room carrying a tray of drinks, smiling. He nearly drops it all on the floor when he sees the rays of projected information throughout the air above them.
“Oh my god.” Eret places the tray down and takes a seat, shocked by the sheer amount of everything .
A news article flashes the headline PUBLIC MENACE: The First Man to Get Banned From Planet Kinoko and its neighbours .
Wilbur bites his lip. “Okay, this looks bad.”
Phil holds up a hand to cut Wilbur off. “Clementine, only show activity from this year.”
“Of course Captain Philza.” Clementine chimes. A few hundred pop ups disappear, leaving behind a hundred more.
Some are minor… to a degree.
Reckless driving, petty theft, embezzlement, robbery, aggravated assault, driving without a licence, breaking and entering, grand theft auto, tax fraud. Arson and property damage is there more than a couple of times.
The list goes on and Phil’s not sure he wants to see what else could be on there.
Phil can see one video in particular, showing Tommy flying away in an emergency aircraft from a spaceship which is falling apart, the engine imploding.
Tommy laughs, shoulder to shoulder with the two boys from earlier. Ranboo seems to be driving (or at least Phil thinks it’s Ranboo). Tommy pulls a party popper up, tugging on the end of it only for the streamers to fly back into Ranboo’s face, blocking his eyes. The ship then swerves, swinging around and flying out of range from the camera.
Despite the illegalness of it all, it brings a shadow of a smile to Phil’s face. These are just kids.
Doing highly illegal shit? Sure. That’s not so great. But Phil isn’t too confident in sentencing Tommy to death.
“Clem, why did the bounty just go up?” Phil inquires, leaning back in his chair and drumming his fingers on the arm of his seat.
“Tommy Innit has a shared bounty with Tubbo Underscore and Ranboo Beloved.” A photo of the two boys show up. Tubbo is shorter, a mischievous grin and unsettling stare that peeks out from beneath a messy mop of brown hair. His other features are mostly hidden by the bulk of a bomber jacket hoodie.
Ranboo is taller, black and white hair with distinct enderman facial features. The man doesn’t look nearly as malicious as Tubbo goes, but he looks somewhat confident. He wears jewellery, which Phil appreciates.
Phil spins one of the rings on his finger, doing his best not to touch the emerald earring he has when he sees Ranboo has a purple one.
Wilbur shrugs, “they look nice enough.” he smiles, tilting his head at the projected photos.
Clementine buzzes. “I believe the two have committed several more crimes in the span of the last 24 hours which has considerably boosted the bounty.”
“Well, those aren’t even his fault!” Wilbur spits. His face grows red hot. Phil hasn’t seen his son this passionate about anything in a long time. It almost surprises him how quickly Wilbur has decided to stick up for this practical stranger.
“Name a few.” Phil sighs, leaning against the palm of his hand.
“Child endangerment, kidnapping, avoiding arrest and capture, shoplifting…”
“Yeah alright, enough.” Phil groans and stands up.
“Dad, he saved my life.” Wilbur pleas.
“He’s endangered and harmed more.”
It doesn’t feel right, sentencing Tommy to death. Hell, he saved Phil’s life.
Phil isn’t sure what feels so wrong about it. He’s done it to hundreds of bounties in the past. But after meeting Tommy, it just feels like a bad decision. Phil can’t quite put his finger on it but seeing Tommy is enough to ruffle his feathers.
“Tommy’s a kid.” Wilbur waves an angry hand to Tommy’s photo. “Clementine, pull up ship footage containing clips of Tommy Innit.”
“Of course.” Clementine rings out. Across the room pops out clips of Tommy. There’s a video of him stealing from Phil, which Wilbur cringes at but there’s so much more.
There’s a clip of Tommy sneaking around the ship, hiding in closets and beneath Phil’s bed (that clip makes Phil cringe). There’s footage from the kitchen of Niki finding him.
A few eyes turn to Niki and she turns red.
“He was hungry and scared!” Niki cries, waving a hand before slumping in on herself.
Phil sees Tommy hiding from Schlatt and his army. There’s a look of terror on his face, it seems the boy is used to it though. It doesn’t look unnatural and that worries Phil to his core.
He sees Tommy running. They watch a clip of Tommy grabbing onto Wilbur and dragging him down the hall, saving him from capture. The video cuts off when Wilbur phases through the floor, taking Tommy with him and a few eyes widen in shock.
Even Phil didn’t know phasing with two people was possible.
He sees Tommy in another clip drop down from the vent and free Technoblade. The three of them laugh. Phil doesn’t think it’s easy to get Techno to lower his guard around a stranger. And yet Tommy does it.
He sees Tommy save Phil from the cells and an attack later on. Phil wonders for a moment, one fleeting second, how Tommy knew the attack was coming. His human senses shouldn’t be able to react so quickly. The thought fades as fast as it came.
“Tommy has only done right by our side!” Wilbur holds a hand against his chest. “He has my favour.”
Phil sighs. “It’s not enough. We can’t excuse everything else.”
Wilbur straightens himself. “I am the current king of the Arctick Empire. I want Tommy as my assistant. May I remind you that you’re retired.”
Phil looks at him with displeasure. “I am the captain of this ship. You don’t need an assistant. We’re off planet so you have little to no power here and you and I both know you have less interest in ruling a planet than you do cares in the world.”
Wilbur huffs. He crosses his arms. “I think Tommy is an asset. We should give him a choice. We know he’s capable of doing good.”
“If it’s for his own gain.” Jack mutters and Wilbur gives him a dirty look.
“What if we tell him to join the crew in exchange for giving up crime?”
Phil rubs his chin thoughtfully. “You think he only commits crime because he has to?”
Wilbur’s face lights up. “Exactly! I think he does it to survive, not for the fun of it.”
Phil hums, mind reeling over the video footage. “I think we did lose a few hands from Schlatt’s invasion.”
Eret puts their hand up awkwardly. “And if his friends show up? What then?”
Wilbur shrugs. “We invite them too.”
“I want Tommy’s opinion.” Phil decides with a firm nod. “If he disagrees, then it’s straight to the Essempee where we can collect the bounty.”
“For the record, we are en route to Pogtopia since that was the last planet we were set to arrive to.” Wilbur pops his lips together with an awkward smile.
“Pogtopia? That place is a shithole.” Jack moans.
“Tommy actually set it. Techno fixed it for the distress signal but it reverts back to the last location if we’re still in flight. Right now we’re just flying back to Pogtopia.”
Phil groans inwardly.
Yeah, that checks out.
——————
Techno pulls out a device, buzzing with messages. He smiles at the device and shakes his head.
“What?” Tommy spits.
“Wilbur is working his magic.” Techno shrugs, reaching out to the cell door and unlocking it with a key strapped to his belt.
“So I’m free? I can leave now?”
“Nah.” Techno laughs. “They’ll probably come to a compromise.”
The door swings open and Techno extends an arm. “Good news kid, you’re not dead yet.”
Tommy snorts, swatting the hand away. “That’s nothing new.”
Techno laughs and grabs Tommy’s shoulder, guiding him down the hall. The walk is somewhat quiet, barring awkward.
Tommy frowns, walking towards the set of big mechanical doors at the end of the hall.
“So like, what’s the plan?”
Techno shrugs. “Might probe your brain to see your intentions. Might just lull you into a false sense of security.”
“What was that?”
The doors swing open and Tommy’s jaw drops, his body immediately tensing.
Surrounding a large table, is a group of the galaxy's finest.
“I’m kidding… probably.” Techno whispers, pushing Tommy forward. He stumbles a little over his own foot and comes to an abrupt stop. All eyes turn to him.
Phil smiles from the opposite side of the room, two wings looming behind him. “Hi mate.”
Phil waves to the holographic pop up of Tommy’s crimes around the room. “You’ve been busy.”
“Who?” Tommy laughs awkwardly. “That wasn’t me.”
Wilbur stands up from his seat and crosses the room to Tommy. “Tommy, we all know it’s you. But, good news. We have an offer.”
Tommy clicks his tongue. “No.”
“No?” The room choruses with murmurs. Techno even smacks his shoulder in disapproval.
“Ow!” Tommy whines, grabbing his arm. “What? I get to pick if I accept the deal and I don’t want my brain probed or whatever.”
Tommy huffs, staring at an overwhelming situation.
He can list about a thousand reasons why his brain being probed is a terrible idea. Tommy’s lived quite a few lives. He plans on keeping those in the past. And the last thing he needs is for members of The L’manberg to find out he’s an avian.
Phil waves a hand and the images projected into the air disappear.
“Tommy, we want you to join us. In exchange, you give up all crime and all opportunities to do wrong. You will live as a member of The L’manberg at an equal status to us all.” Phil announces and Tommy thinks his jaw smacks against the ground. His mind rushes with a thousand questions yet his tongue feels like rubber.
“And if I decline?” Tommy raises an eyebrow, eyes drifting over the faces in the room. Some are familiar. Phil, Wilbur, Niki. Some are completely new.
One man in particular with very little hair and a red and blue electronic visor, does a cut throat motion and Tommy grimaces.
Phil shrugs. “We’d kill you.”
“Not loving this choice, I won’t lie fellas.” Tommy sighs and shakes his head.
Techno leans over. “As your lawyer, I highly recommend you accept this deal.”
Tommy’s eyebrows scrunch together and he groans. “Fine. I accept your compromise and offer my service as part of your crew.”
Tommy extends a very formal hand and Phil grins, standing from his chair and walking over, wings draping behind him. The sight is enough to make Tommy’s stomach do flips.
He’s got a plan. As Phil takes Tommy’s hand and shakes it, Tommy is already planning how he’s going to get out of this. Once Tubbo and Ranboo arrive, they’ll get the hell out of here and never look back.
Until then, he can get comfortable on the ship, befriend a few people, and do a bit of work.
It’s not like he’s never worked forcefully on a ship before. He knows what to expect.
“Also, you’ll be Wilbur’s assistant.” Phil adds.
The final kick to the stomach. Techno laughs behind Tommy.
Tommy drops to his knees, eyes meeting Wilburs.
The man gives a shit eating smile and Tommy shouts.
“NOOOO!”