Chapter Text
They lived together so all Dave had to do was burst into the room next door. Karkat squeaked in his voice at the intrusion, going pale at the sight.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” He took a step back, stumbling ass first into the bed. He had the worst case of bed hair.
“fucked up, right?”
Dave approached him, the fact that Karkat was on the bed already made things easier. Crawling up after him, he pressed Karkat further into the bed with his body, spreading his legs with a knee. Was this how he looked in Karkat’s eyes? Maybe it was because Dave knew it was Karkat on the other side but staring at his face, at that expression of confusion, it was kind of cute.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, ASSWIPE?” Karkat asked in Dave’s voice, scandalized by the invasion of personal space. The insult sounded hilarious, has Dave ever raised his voice that high?
“what does it look like, dude? not the first time but the fact we swapped bodies is new.”
Karkat frowned with his face.
“YOU BECOME LESS COHERENT WITH EACH PASSING DAY AND THAT’S A FEAT CONSIDERING I THOUGHT BY NOW I’D HAVE BUILT A RESISTANCE TO IT. NOW, CAN YOU *PLEASE* GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY PERSONAL SPACE? I’M EVEN ASKING PLEASE, BULGEBREATH!”
Dave chuckled, Karkat hated the pitch feeling it gave him. Even if he knew it was Dave, it was weird as fuck seeing and hearing himself acting so confident, so cocky.
“does that mean you were sucking di-“
“SHUT UP! NO, NOPE. SHUT. UP. OH MY GOD, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? DOES INHABITATING MY DUMPSTER OF A BODY MAKE YOU EXTRA STUPID OR WHAT?” He bit back.
“c’mon dude, you can’t pretend you don’t know what this is.” Dave said in a low voice, supporting himself with his elbows on either side of his head. “and i quote: ‘IF I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH WHY DON’T I-’ ” Karkat made an undignified sound before he got to finish it, face flushing red.
“FUCK, OKAY! YOU’RE RIGHT, SO WHAT?” He glared at him, leaning in like he might kiss him to distract him before he flipped them over, he was on top now. “Two can play the same game, Dave.” Karkat promised into his ear like a threat.
Dave immediately pulled him close, kissing him with the passion of years of repressed feelings. He still believed it had to be some kind of dream despite everything giving him 4x the usual reaction. It was too much yet not enough, his brain blue screened as blood went elsewhere. Karkat wasn’t much better. In truth, he didn’t know what the hell was happening, but he liked it. Most people would first question why they swapped bodies and try to come up with a solution, or discuss their mutual attraction first. They weren’t most people.
As two extremely compatible and previously repressed individuals, they went at it with increasing levels of debauchery until they reached exhaustion.
A blond and a candy-blood troll wake up spooning. They had enough sense to take a shower before sleeping but water can’t erase the marks on their skin, or the knowledge of what they did. Karkat is the first one to move. He shifts into his back, looking at the ceiling. It’s a good ceiling and it distracts him from his current level of undress and the fact he misses Dave’s warmth. Their bodies are still swapped.
“so…” Dave begins, voice sleepy. “no change.”
“YOU THINK?” Karkat rolls his eyes- Dave’s eyes- whatever. “FUUUCK, THIS IS SO WEIRD. HOW ARE YOU SO CALM? FOR SOME FUCKED UP REASON, WE ARE- STILL LIKE THIS.”
“damn, you really thought fucking would return us to normal like some bad porn?” Dave laughs, at this point Karkat is past the weirdness of it.
“OF COURSE I DIDN’T! BUT I HOPED THAT IT WOULD BE FIXED BY THE TIME WE WOKE UP.”
Dave sighs, joining him in looking at the ceiling to avoid looking at each other.
“maybe we should ask rose or something. not now though, we kind of look like-”
“FULL OF STUPID VISIBLE MARKS THAT GIVE AWAY THAT WE PAILED LIKE IT WERE DRONE SESSION?”
“i was gonna say ‘like shit’ but that works too, yeah.”
“UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”
“careful dude, i don’t wanna go back to a body full of stress wrinkles.”
Karkat brings his hands to his face to hide it.
“GREAT. AWESOME EVEN. WE CAN’T EVEN ASK FOR HELP BECAUSE WE COULDN’T KEEP OUR BULGES TO OURSELVES! NOW WHAT? WE’RE FORCED TO AVOID THE OTHERS.”
“don’t worry dude, we already spend so much time at home they won’t even notice. we can wait for the marks to heal then pretend it just happened.”
“AND WHAT SHOULD WE DO UNTIL THEN?”
They finally look at each other, share the kind of look that precedes stupid decisions version 2.0.
“…WE ALREADY FUCKED UP SO WHAT’S A BIT MORE… RIGHT?”
Dave begins to nod even before he finishes talking. Unsurprinsingly, they manage to make it worst.