Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

What do you think Love is?

Love is undoubtedly miraculous. Honestly speaking, Hyunwoo doesn’t believe in that phrase. It is merely bullshit said with a sweet cherry on the top just because people are blinded by what they call love. Momentarily. Hyunwoo doesn’t want that kind of unmake thing to happen in his life. Because the image of love all this time is darker than people said. But now? Please laugh at him. He got heavily lovestruck.

He can’t deny it when his heart swells so suddenly and feels happiness at the specific moment Kihyun appears and does something in front of him. Like, instantly without delay, at the exact moment at the exact second. It didn’t feel like that before although they met every day, not to mention sometimes they had problems so they couldn’t face each other, it could be said every day, right? It’s just something going different. No, it is always different but this time everything was going stronger than it should be.

The tension was perfect between them, like this morning when Hyunwoo prepared to get dressed nicely before going to work. Like usually he did, he would have breakfast in the dining room alone together with a cup of hot coffee and tasty garlic bread while Kihyun was busy in the laundry room separating dirty clothes based on their material to make them easy to wash. It was a delicious breakfast menu although there were not many ingredients left in the fridge. But Hyunwoo needs to appreciate Kihyun’s creativity in cooking these days. Honorably, it tastes great.

When the time he had to leave, he would searching for his wife all over the room and found Kihyun squatting down to reach the lower cabinet to take the trash bag because it was Thursday, as he remembered well how chaotic the last Thursday was, something about they forgot to empty the trash bin and were late to chase over the trash pick up service schedule around the area. It put Kihyun in a bad mood all along until the weekend and Hyunwoo had to be a little bit more patient, confronting his sensitivity over small things in their house every single second of the day. Understandably but outspokenly annoying. So he chose to wait for Kihyun to finish whatever he wanted to do before finally coming over to him, only to stand like a robot before his wife while Kihyun turned around and watched him amused, frowning.

No words happening. Lately, words are not needed that much between them. Togetherness in the silence was an easy option. Some memories couldn’t be revived because Hyunwoo seemed to forget whatever bad tension happened lately between him and Kihyun after the sixth requirement was announced, moreover, Kihyun didn’t say anything about it anymore or no asking about it or no stubborn about it since they went to the hospital as if it had never happened. What was happening? He wondered but he was blinded. It became delightfully easier. Their life seemed to be back to the normal one or maybe, only Hyunwoo who feels like that, but it seems he didn’t imagine things alone there. He was so sure. As his eyes scanned through those shining eyes of Kihyun, he felt the thing spreading inside his chest, feeling warm and comfy by watching Kihyun’s amused face. Maybe it was something people call ‘love’. ‘Growing love’? ‘Passionate love’? At least, Hyunwoo already recognized and admitted it in his heart that it was Love.

Kihyun raised his eyebrows to indicate he was waiting for whatever Hyunwoo wanted to say but nothing came out after a while. Instead of words, Hyunwoo chose to bend over only to reach his nape, trying to steal a morning kiss as usual before he left for work. The routine. But, it was a fun day. He was betrayed as Kihyun dodged and looked away instantly after their lips almost sealed. He tried to make it work again but Kihyun still kept them away. Goddammit! This is why he hates the phrase love so much because it was definitely hurting, stabbing deeply inside his chest. His facial expression changed by slower time showing discomfort and disfavor about the situation between the gap of their lips. It was moist but not because they kissed but because of how fast his breath becomes holding back emotions. Hyunwoo slowly backed off, not really able to hide his mixed-up feeling with his usual bending eyebrows and a bit pucker lips, eyes twitching. Not even once did Kihyun do something like that before. Hyunwoo was speechless and hurt at the same time.

Kihyun’s eyes grew wider under the morning light seeing that sour face. He said mockingly, half snorting half laughing. A finger pointed to his husband’s face. “Don’t say that you’re sulking right now. Look at your face.”

Let Hyunwoo think about himself. Give him more time to consider what was happening and what was important between having a kiss or protecting his pride. So, he just stood up before taking a step away to turn around without saying anything. And his face? Totally shows how impactful Kihyun was a while ago but was trying to make it look cool as possible. Oh my God, frankly, it was so impossible because Kihyun could feel how dark the aura around him was as he walked faster to the entrance door as if he was ready to kill someone out there. Yes, it was dangerous and there was a high possibility Hyunwoo would express his bad mood to the others (his employees) right away. Red alert.

Kihyun jogged to the man as Hyunwoo took his suit. He reached out to his husband’s sleeve to get his attention. “Wait, wait. I was joking.” But Hyunwoo didn’t care about it. He kept busying himself walking around, with no attention going to Kihyun while wearing his suit harshly. “Hyunwoo? Hyunwoo.”

Kihyun was standing still, head following, looking around, amazed by how fast Hyunwoo was moving around and ready to walk out of their apartment in a flash. His shining shoes tapped hard on the floor, pretending to make his feet perfectly fit the shoes. No way Hyunwoo would look back. He chose to be prideful just now.

Kihyun ran faster as soon as he found Hyunwoo reached the doorknob and opened the door, ready to leave for work. He took over the knob quickly, turning around to block the door with his body, and slowly closing it by leaning his back to the door. Their eyes met and nothing changed in Hyunwoo’s expression. He kept his eyebrows knitted deeper and his pucker lips were still showing. Kihyun held back his joke.

“What? You are in the way.” Hyunwoo said flat but clearly sounded so pissed off. “Move away.”

“So, is this the way you are sulking? So comical.” Kihyun leaned forward to observe his sour expression way closer, grinning when Hyunwoo backed off a bit to make space between their faces. His breath hitched as got more annoyed because the way Kihyun paid attention was undoubtedly mocking his kind. “Just because I dodged the kiss? Do you want it so bad?”

“No.” He tried to muffle a scream so badly.

Of course, it is. It is the fucking routine. Like it becomes autopilot for me. I wanted it so bad today, but you dodged it and mocked me. You fucking short legs midget!! If only Hyunwoo could tell the world about his mind, maybe there would be a world war. But unfortunately, his prideful self blocks all the way. No way he would admit it. No way in this situation. He already messed it up.

Kihyun swayed his hands in the air while lifting his shoulder cutely but strangely looked so annoying in Hyunwoo’s perspective. Eyebrows wiggling, lips pursing. “Well, okay.”

Hyunwoo sighed, impatiently waiting for his freedom to save his ass from embarrassment. He pushed Kihyun to the side so he could go out fast. It became more oblivious that he was sulking by seeing Kihyun watching over his face. He went out and walked away without looking back. Kihyun peeked by the door frame, smiling and chuckling. He could hear it clearly.

“You forgot something.”

His steps abruptly stopped. Hyunwoo turned around as he heard the familiar clacking sound. It was the car keys dancing in the air that Kihyun twisted in his finger. He just realized that he forgot to bring the keys as he felt nothing in his pocket suit. Somehow he felt the next level of embarrassment as one of their neighbors passing by watched him dumbfounded. Kihyun took time to say hello to the neighbor and kept swaying the keys but didn’t have any intention to move from his place to give it to his husband. Hyunwoo sighed once again, forcing his step to go back to take the keys. But Kihyun was so playful that morning so nothing could be easy for Hyunwoo. He kept the keys away from Hyunwoo’s range to make him irritated. After a few steps closer and using his powerful long arm, Hyunwoo succeeded to beat the short one’s mischievousness. He smirked to show his winning but didn’t realize that it was Kihyun’s intention in the first place to make Hyunwoo closer and defenseless so he could plant a kiss on his cheek right away.

“Be careful on the way. Please come home earlier, hubby .”

Blinking repeatedly, Hyunwoo froze in the air like a malfunctioning robot that got wet by the rain. He didn’t even realize that their apartment door was closed since then and Kihyun was nowhere to be seen or maybe already busy with his dirty clothes at the moment. A gentle morning breeze woke him up to reality. He looked around confusedly as if he had sudden memory loss. He proceeded to go to the parking lot of the apartment area, meeting some nice neighbors out there asking about Kihyun because they hadn’t been seen going together recently. He took his time to chit-chat with some neighbors which is rarely happening, most likely because of his sudden good mood as one of them thanked him, telling him about Kihyun who is known as always being nice to neighbors, not hesitating to help them, or simply sharing some food with them. There was a specific proudful feeling as he heard the stories which are unbelievable that Hyunwoo would feel like that about other people except himself. That’s my Kihyun, kind of a thing.

Pride is the number one priority in Hyunwoo’s life. He always considers his action’s effect on his pride and the other way around. That’s why sometimes people call him arrogant. The word arrogant always revolves around himself and he never divides it to others. But a simple thing like neighbors’ stories about Kihyun made him so proud was proof, a very great insight into the future that Hyunwoo starts to share his world with someone else. A great achievement in life, a significant development. That’s how love works for him now.

Hyunwoo was ready for the car while reaching into his pocket to find the keys. As his fingers felt the coldness of iron keys, his memories came back. He touched his cheek, recalling the moisture on it caused by a kiss from Kihyun. His stomach was tickled. Something was bursting. He shook his head, chuckling all the way preparing to drive. He thought about which schedule could be changed so he could go home earlier. Someone is asking me to come home fast, huh. So troublesome. He thought about it while holding back a smile.

It felt like a paradise at the moment. Or, he could say he wants it forever. The hope was so low before but it rose so high suddenly. Love. What does Love actually mean? Why does it feel different just now although he already felt it deep inside silently? 

He knew it. The cause is the confession.

The love confession changed everything in an instant, the way he thinks the way he acts. Kihyun clearly heard his confession the other day although it was a hectic, chaotic, and problematic day. The moment was bad and he got nothing in reply. Hyunwoo was sure that Kihyun understood the point here but he didn’t give a reply yet . But who needs a reply anyway? They are married and nothing could change that, except his father’s sucky momentum and it depended on Hyunwoo’s authority as the one who should meet the requirements. But he didn’t need those requirements anymore. So what? Hyunwoo needed an answer about their marriage continuation, about overlooking the requirements, about telling Hoseok to fuck away from their marriage life now because Hyunwoo wants this life. The life that makes him feel giddy all day thinking about someone who is waiting for him at home. He didn’t want a life with his father’s involvement anymore. The risk was huge, he was aware of that. He thought about it sincerely, trying to find the solution, reaching the point of optimism because of one thing: seemingly Kihyun’s attitude is positive towards his goal.

Hyunwoo was so overwhelmed with many things. He thought about his statement to kid Kyunsu about his feelings for Kihyun now, the bad situation between them after the sixth requirement was announced, the possibility of company chaos if he kept silent about the agreement, the clearly biased side of Kihyun toward his father, and many things. He took all those things into consideration that this marriage won’t be able to go as he wants. But he wouldn’t give up easily. He would prove to his father that he could live this life without his shadow anymore. He would convince Kihyun no matter what, to make this marriage stay forever but strangely, nothing was needed. On that night, right after they came home from the hospital, Hyunwoo begged for help and they kissed each other all night long. It felt like Kihyun answered everything indirectly about his feelings through the kisses. Since that night, everything has run smoothly, firmly smooth. Kihyun never talked about the requirements anymore, he just did whatever he always did at home, he never avoided his fate against Hyunwoo’s sudden confession as if it was a natural thing to happen, and he showed affection and sensitivity as usual. Good, isn’t it?

That’s why the tension was good, but it also felt awkward because sooner or later, Hyunwoo realizes that everything he did with Kihyun now is considered based on love and it made him awkward at some points, knowing that Kihyun already acknowledges his acts as love expressions.

Why is it awkward?

Staring, touching, hugging, kissing, all those things are common in their daily life because of the requirements. Hyunwoo did those things without thinking, hiding under the shadow of requirements, or maybe he just didn’t realize that actually, he does those things based on love for Kihyun. Needing his attention and needs their body closer because he loves Kihyun. However, the requirements cut the possibilities so he never realized it. The confession was undeniably a fact that he couldn’t take it back, since that, those things are done by nothing but love so audible. He couldn’t run from it.

It is always innocent at first and starts to get hotter in the end, that’s how Love works. He believes it like that. For example; yesterday’s night. Hyunwoo came home past midnight, dragging his feet so heavy due to lack of rest. He found Kihyun sitting on the sofa, watching television, with his pajamas on but he never missed waiting for Hyunwoo to come home and making sure he was taken care of first. Hyunwoo walked over and sat beside him shortly after, sighing long. Kihyun asked about his day and he could only say it was double kill; terrific and terrible . He didn’t ask for anything at the moment. He just wanted to sit for a while, taking a breath, enjoying time going slower. But Kihyun was there, staring at him soundlessly and so was Hyunwoo. Those innocent feelings spread inside his chest as he found Kihyun smiling brightly and leaning closer to give him a feather-like kiss, saying ‘ thank you for your hard work today .’ Kihyun may never know how much it meant to him, how much it gave him energy. Because no one knows how lonely it was, without anyone giving him appreciation before this marriage happened. 

Hyunwoo gave a sloppy kiss on his cheek as thank you because he didn’t want to make so much movement. He found it comfy giving him a peck while leaning his head on the sofa. It was so innocent yet intriguing seeing Kihyun giggling over a not-so-proper kiss and it made Hyunwoo smile a bit. Kihyun nestled closely to reach for his hair and played with them gently. They found themselves staring at each other again, so imminent, adoring, or maybe falling deeper into their own world as if they were the only person in their eyes (but it was). As if Kihyun knew how it works when Hyunwoo shifted his attention to the lips, Kihyun leaned closer to snuggle to his cheek and ended up with Hyunwoo making their lips meet and giving him a kiss with so much passion. That’s when the mood was changed and Kihyun crawled over to his lap while their lips were still busy smacking each other, the kissing sound heard quite aloud. It was getting hotter as the tongues were playing and his hand slipped under Kihyun’s pajamas only to caress his smooth waist skin alone. It was suffocating but it was something he needed at the moment.

That’s when they found themselves in an alluring position where Hyunwoo was busy giving nonstop love bites to his collarbone, both hands on the buttcheeks squeezing sensually, doing physically gratifying moves while Kihyun squirming under the circumstance on his lap and letting out soft moans every single time he felt a tingling sensation under his skin caused by Hyunwoo’s teeth. They made out the feeling of skin burning up going along with a full of feelings burst out. They craved responsive desire, the idea of being sexually interactive, and did unusual hot sex on the sofa. It has never happened before and is a surprisingly fantastic experience, a great stress release.

But after a load of physical connection, the awkwardness came after. Hyunwoo was staring silently when Kihyun was busy buttoning his pajamas after Hyunwoo messed it up in the process of their desired contact. He was the one who unbuttoned them impatiently and made them look unneeded anymore. Kihyun still sat on his lap, making Hyunwoo’s sight full of his smaller figure. Hyunwoo was dumbfounded, finding some reddish spots on his wife’s neck, shoulder, and chest caused by himself, not to mention Kihyun’s bare thighs spreading wide on his lap welcoming him. Hyunwoo just found it awkward while Kihyun noticed him staring so intensely. He gulped nervously as the fact slapped him hard, knowing he did it to Kihyun under the love words now. Unconsciously, his heart was beating fast. No wonder he brought Kihyun to a tight hug so suddenly, keeping that position for a while because he needed to calm down trying to feel if Kihyun had the same racing heart, too. Nothing came out from Kihyun except happy giggling voices while snuggling into his embrace.

Kihyun glows under the love word. The usually ugly and nagging Kihyun looks so appealing. No, it is usually always like that but Hyunwoo never said it verbally, that’s why there are so many blurry pictures of Kihyun on his phone gallery that he took secretly just because he could see them when they are away from each other and Hyunwoo could laugh at Kihyun’s random expression at any time. What self-entertainment. No, he just loves Kihyun. Love Kihyun that much.

Love is dangerous. Hyunwoo falls in love heartily but he didn’t want to think about the reasons because there is a slight image of his father in one of them. Because it’s Kihyun he’s talking about. Because it’s Kihyun who is falling into his embrace pushed by his father. Love is dark, after all. Is it really a burden for him? Actually, it is. Hyunwoo put himself in a dangerous situation. But he believes this dangerous situation is a way of happiness for him and he doesn’t want to lose his momentum. Because it’s Kihyun and it’s a no.

How long has this journey been? He remembered clearly that he hated seeing Kihyun circling around like a hamster bringing a knife threatening his life. He remembered how much emotions had been suppressed deep inside because of Kihyun’s sudden existence. The father’s images followed their life together. But Hyunwoo also remembered how Kihyun entered his life slowly but carving a deep impression, slowly turning the dry park into a rose garden in his heart with just his bold presence. 

Love changes Hyunwoo into a weird person. He could be said to be heartless and clueless so he never expected that he could be a romantic man. Look at those vases in the living room. There were various flowers. It wasn’t strange because Kihyun loves to grow plants in small pots, even growing mini bamboo and small pineapples in their kitchen and putting them near the window so they get plenty of sunshine. Somehow it made Hyunwoo wonder what kind of household their place was because it was starting to look like a conservation area (which means Hyunwoo is considered the wild animal here). Hyunwoo once said that he hated the leaves poking his arms while he took something in the kitchen but Kihyun was the one who got mad instead. Kihyun always said that it is his hobby, to spend time alone in their house while waiting for Hyunwoo. ‘ So what are you gonna do? Accompany me all the time? Can you do it?’ Some words like that are free from Kihyun’s angry mouth. Since the love is attacking, Hyunwoo goes silent and doesn’t complain anymore. Weird, isn’t it?

That’s also why he got home bringing many kinds of flowers and reasoning himself with the words ‘just passing by there so yeah why not’ and saying that he wanted their house to smell like flowers instead of peppermints and cilantro. He got so many reasons every time Kihyun asked him what happened with the flowers in his hand. Although he just thought that maybe Kihyun could spend his time in their place by taking care of the flowers so he brought them. Nevertheless, Kihyun looks so happy receiving them, so Hyunwoo couldn’t help but do it again. He just didn’t want Kihyun to wait too long for something unclear like his childhood days. In fact, Hyunwoo is a considerate and lovely person.

He still remembered the first time he came home bringing a bouquet of red roses to make Kihyun feel better. He needed to admit that there was no specific feeling at that time and the reason why buy the roses was that he didn’t know what to do with Kihyun’s sensitivity because he kept saying ‘I hate you’ every single time Hyunwoo did something. No one knows that Hyunwoo was standing like a fool in front of a young pretty girl explaining the flower’s meaning and she asked who’s the lucky person that will get the flower from him. She suggested to him many kinds of flowers to ask for forgiveness but Hyunwoo chose the red roses instead without knowing why. Maybe his subconsciousness already feels that he will get lovesick in the future.

This love also changes Hyunwoo to be an optimistic person. Kihyun is seen as a cheerful and lovely person. His smile makes the day brighter, his laugh makes the day fun. Hyunwoo just found it priceless since love is striking. When he got home super exhausted, Kihyun was there singing that popular trot song while washing the dishes. That was legitimately a random thing in their daily life. Hyunwoo watched him, questioning his life and future with Kihyun. How can he live with someone like Kihyun; Is our life okay? He told Kihyun to stop it but he found himself singing along as Kihyun encouraged him to do it. Are we gonna make it? He kept wondering in his heart. No, we are not gonna make it. This life with him is ridiculous. But at the next second, he laughed too much when Kihyun took his hand to follow him dancing to the trot song in the living room. At that moment, Hyunwoo realized. It was fun. It doesn’t feel lonely anymore. There is no silence that welcomes him home. There is no such a lie anymore. This life is fun. He craves more. He couldn’t wait for another random thing that would happen in the future together with Kihyun. He looks forward to the future. He becomes so optimistic.

Love is fun. Love is wonderful. However, love is challenging. He is aware of this fact.

“Good morning, Sir Hyunwoo.” One of the security guards greeted him as he walked into the office building. The man was smiling at him, folding his arms to the back, making a firm gesture of guard. Usually, Hyunwoo would stare at him for a second before walking in, but that day he got a small smile for the man. The man looked so happy and Hyunwoo didn’t really know why he was happy. Maybe this is how love works for him and the other people. A little concern can make people smile and have a good day. Just like him. But it also made him think that love is challenging. A great responsibility came after a big decision. His decision to love Kihyun will make a big impact on many people; that security man, that receptionist just now, the cleaning services, many people. Imagining things across this decision that will make the company collapse is scary. Hyunwoo is an unsympathetic person but at the same time, he has pride. It would be a case if he chooses to be with Kihyun without maintaining things that should run smoothly. His pride will crumble. It also makes a deep scar if he is failed and no one knows, maybe his father is laughing up there. He won’t make it easy for his father, the one who should be the evil, the one who forces him to choose between love and wealth.

Another reason why love is challenging is how to make it work. 

Hyunwoo arrived at his office right before Hoseok turned to the intersection near his office room. They didn’t meet at that moment and Hyunwoo chose to take time walking, passing by Hyungwon here and there, chit-chatting a bit with him about work. Indeed, it was an odd situation between them. Hyunwoo didn’t know what happened with Hoseok but the man was so quiet recently. To be precise, so quiet about the last requirement which is the sixth one; his birthday. Although he was so fussy about it before, reminding bad things that will happen if Hyunwoo doesn’t want to proceed with the next requirement, and all. It gave him two options: pretend nothing happened or investigate the reason behind it. But Hyunwoo chose the first option because he has something to do with another matter instead of finding Hoseok’s concern. The matter was: how to make Kihyun not well informed about his birthday coming up on Saturday.

To his knowledge, Kihyun didn’t know exactly when his birthday was because he never told him. Except, Kihyun is meticulous enough to notice his birthday information in the marriage certificate form. But seeing how positive Kihyun’s attitude was recently made Hyunwoo believe that Kihyun didn’t know about it and he never asked about it, too. The main problem was Hoseok or maybe some people in the office. He tried to not mention anything about people in the office to Kihyun so he wouldn’t ask about them, which may lead to the memories of the chaotic sixth requirement announcement day. Honestly, Hyunwoo was being so sly about this, scheming their life scenario for a while so Kihyun won’t have time to think about it. Of course, Hyunwoo already considered it’ll fail in any possible way but at least he tried. This is how Hyunwoo tries to tame the challenging love. He just didn’t think about the bad effect of his plan on their future life because the present was important. Whatever happens later, let his future self think about it. He just sucks.

His fingers stopped typing on his laptop as he sighed. Working is hard but balancing work with his love life is harder. Through the corner of his eyes found a familiar woman figure at the door frame smiling, bringing her small notebook as usual. Her presence made another stress factor for Hyunwoo but also became something he waited for at some points. She came in slowly and between the gap of the opened door, Hoseok was seen walking away. Hyunwoo didn’t want to take another stress factor so he shifted his attention to the woman instead.

“All good?” She asked while smiling. Hyunwoo hummed to answer her and continued typing an email. “By the way, where is… I mean, Kihyun. Have you told him to come here?”

His mood dropped in an instant, feeling heavy in his chest as he knows that Yoon will be so persistent to meet Kihyun in person because she never had time to meet him due to her busy schedule of work. 

All the things had been confusing, especially about his cousin. Hyunwoo couldn’t really understand what her goal was, but nothing suspicious came out of her. She is just there, representing her father which is not weird at all, and sometimes the uncle comes to taunt him like usual but couldn’t do anything about his position. At least, Hyunwoo admitted that it was easier to communicate with her instead of her father. Although it was true that her influence in the company brings misfortune to Hyunwoo’s position. 

Hyunwoo is the one who is supposed to lead the company, sometimes being brushed off by the power of her presence through the late father’s project. It has been publicly known that Hyunwoo opposes his father’s influence in the company. For someone who doesn’t know about what he’s been through all this time, they would think Hyunwoo is such a high and mighty perfectionist egoist in the entire universe that never thinks about the sake of other people. His objectives are known as a big ego and don’t want to comply with the other’s critics. Maybe it is right that he is that kind of person and it becomes strongly intimidating for a time being if his father is mentioned, so frankly speaking, it is not always like that. He hears people and he does better as he takes notes of what people say, he just never shows it.

But unfortunately, even though her presence wasn’t threatening his work now, her presence was a big hurdle for a peaceful heart. Love is indeed challenging. Maybe she is one of the simple forms of danger. She always said she wants to be the real family with Hyunwoo and it makes her curious about Kihyun more. Maybe this is the reason why Hoseok was silent because the man knows that there is something that can be a red alarm for Hyunwoo. Yoon and her beautiful figure were something he hated the most before, making him remember his childhood days about the fact that a parent’s love is a mere illusion. It was proven by how much Yoon knows about his father’s traits more than himself. It wasn’t surprising because his father prefers his cousin over himself. The way she told him a story about his father when he was hospitalized made him feel exhausted mentally. She often had calls with his father when she was abroad.

“He can’t. He is busy.”

She was surprised at how flat Hyunwoo’s reaction was toward the question of his partner in life. Somehow it made her wonder why Hyunwoo didn’t look happy. “Oh really? Is he still working at the hospital? I heard he was uncle Jung’s private nurse.”

“Yes.”

Hyunwoo gulped bitterness in his throat. He didn’t make a remark about which statement he answered a yes; is it about Kihyun still working or about Kihyun who was his father’s nurse. No need to explain further. He didn’t want to explain further.

“Too bad. I want to meet him so bad. It must be a wonderful story, right? About you and Kihyun. I’m so curious how you two can end up married. You never want to share it with me.”

His fingers tapped hard on the table, impatiently waiting for his heart’s freedom. The same curious question that he hated the most. He recalled that once Hyungwon asked the same thing months ago. The sensation was different because his feelings are different. He just needed to shut up, and gave a forced smile to someone who asked him. But now, he couldn’t do it because there is this image of his father every time he tries to remember how their marriage happened. It is really a burden. He didn’t want to explain, he didn’t want to tell someone else about their life. But he is aware of the fact that they’re not living alone in this world and people will ask the same thing over and over again until they are satisfied. 

“—Uncle Jung told me something like, you know, I didn’t understand it back then. He did mention your marriage planning to me, but he never told me when. It’s too bad that he couldn’t present when the marriage was held. I think he wanted to be there so bad. Who knows that his life is this short.”

Love is exhausting.

Hyunwoo gave no answer. His eyes wandered to the outside, avoiding something before him. The woman didn’t catch his suppressed feelings well because she is the same as the other people who think that Hyunwoo has reconciled with the father because the miracle called ‘Kihyun’ happened. People never think about the possibility of an arranged marriage because they have never been seen as a bad couple publicly (just because there is a requirement to behave like a real married couple since the beginning and moreover they look like love birds now). 

Hyunwoo is stuck in a maze of his own feelings.

“I need to greet Kihyun myself. How about I come to your place instead? How about this Saturday? It’s your birthday, right? I do remember it! Uncle Jung said—”

“Stop.” Hyunwoo breathed faster. His teeth were gritting. “Just stop.”

She frowned, confused by the reaction. Hyunwoo never showed any interest in introducing Kihyun to her. It was enough. She is an unexpected form of danger to his love life, the same as the other people.

“Hyunwoo? What happened?”

Hyunwoo stood up slowly, taking some of his stuff before staring at her sharply. “Nothing. I need to go. I have a meeting outside and I won’t be back.”

He walked outside, leaving her behind. As he stepped out of the room, he found Hoseok standing holding some paper. Their eyes met and only silence was that controlling. Hoseok returned to focus on his job as an assistant while Hyunwoo was leaving behind his restrained world. 

Love is definitely exhausting. Hyunwoo is exhausted.

His mind was flying somewhere. He tried to focus on the meeting but it didn’t work well. He lost in the conversation once or two until finally, they reached the stage of conclusion. But it didn’t reach the final objectives so there will be another detailed meeting next time. Such a waste of time. But it was also his fault.

“Having a problem? In deep thoughts?” The man asked bluntly, to the point of surprising Hyunwoo. He just stared confusedly at the older man who was giggling softly. “You look like someone who has a stomach problem thinking their wife will throw a punch at them just because they have dinner outside.”

Hyunwoo snorted a bit, remembering about every single time Kihyun sends threatening messages to warn him to have dinner at home cause he cooked a lot of food. His threat is not scary at all, but Hyunwoo always chooses to obey his request because it’s gonna be so troublesome if Kihyun sulks. He might be sleeping on the sofa alone although it is not gonna happen because he has his own bedroom. Yeah, so stupid yet funny.

“Least of all, this is not counted as dinner time. So, it’s safe. You must have many experiences with it, huh, Mr. Jang.”

The middle-aged man chuckled, waiting for his glass to be fully poured with water. It was a beautiful afternoon with an orange sky above them, not usually Hyunwoo would join the other’s invitation to have more chit-chat outside work-related conversation while enjoying some food. Maybe he just needed some time to clear his mind from clouded thoughts before going home. Kihyun might be waiting for him. So, he needed to make it fast.

“Of course, when I was younger. When we were newlyweds. She often sulks but our life is full of happiness. I’m this old, young man. I’ve been going through many things. Your expression is exactly what I had back then.” He proceeded to chuckle a bit harder. Maybe somehow it reminded the man of his younger days.

Some of the older man’s words brought Hyunwoo to their last meeting a few months ago. Mr. Jang was the one who gave him notes that Hyunwoo has to enjoy what happens in his life now because marriage life is sweet only in the first year and ends up with many problems later. It stabbed Hyunwoo deeper that his marriage life is a different one where the problem is always there but he admitted it tastes sweeter each day. He never thought that this moment of confusion would come someday. Love is truly exhausting but also love that fills his heart fully. He just didn’t know what to do anymore.

“Mr. Jang,” Hyunwoo took a deep breath as the man waited for his words. His eeriness was spreading and he needed to find the way sooner. “Do you remember the first time you met your wife?”

“Of course.” The man peered a look at the nearest couple near the glass window. He gave Hyunwoo a reassuring smile that meant so much. “She is older than me. I met her at church near my house. I fell in love at the first sight. She is beautiful. It wasn’t easy to get closer with her, as you know she is older and I was just a mere random kid in her eyes but it gave me a chance to get to know her better. I was once inviting her for dinner, sitting outside with many candles, like those couples. I was so nervous when I asked her for a date. She was so pretty wearing a mini red dress with high boots and I was too stunned to speak. It had been more than 15 years ago but I still remember that amazing moment.”

Hyunwoo smiled sadly at the story. It was incomparable. Hyunwoo and the older man’s love life is incomparable. The man told him the story with brightness on his face and excitement in his voice. Those wrinkles on his face showed up as he chuckled while remembering the memories. How wonderful. How envious Hyunwoo was. There is no such scene for Hyunwoo. He couldn’t imagine himself smiling when people asked about him and Kihyun. Because Hyunwoo chooses to be in love within the dangerous game. No one ever wants to hear hateful stories out of his mouth someday when they ask why Hyunwoo married Kihyun, and how they met for the first time. It’s all forced by his father. It’s just like that, no other stories, case closed. How sad it was for him. Even for having pure love, his father is still shadowing him. No way he could tell anyone with a happy face about their story because it was traumatizing.

“Do you remember the reason why you married her? Why her?”

Hyunwoo just needs confirmation for his clueless self.

“If I try to find a reason, there are so many reasons that pop up in my head, son. However, it doesn’t have to be reasonable. But when it has to be, then there is only one. I want to be happy with her. It’s just that simple.”

The man is aged but his smile is ageless. Maybe that’s how love works for the man, giving him ageless happiness through the ups and downs of life. Something that Hyunwoo craves the most in his life. The future, no one ever knows.

Hyunwoo came home with so many emotions deep inside. Before he could touch the doorknob, the picture of Kihyun smiling and waiting for him ran around inside his head. It was lovely, but why did he feel something off? Because the love that he’s feeling is confusing. He took a deep breath before opening the door, feeling the gentle breeze from inside, and a familiar scent of coffee. As he stepped inside, a beautiful figure of Kihyun welcomed him. He was sitting in the dining room, holding a cup of coffee, blowing his breath to the heat. It felt like a slow-motion the way he turned around to welcome Hyunwoo, showing his fair skin under the light with fresh rosy lips. He is so beautiful when he is smiling but his confused face is the cutest when it’s showing.

“Oh?” He peeked at the nearest wall clock hanging in the kitchen and returned to watch Hyunwoo’s hopeful face, amazed. “It’s still 6 o’clock. What’s happening? It’s rare seeing you this early.”

This is also why Hyunwoo is surprised at himself for falling in love with someone like Kihyun. 

Hyunwoo sighed in annoyance, rolling his eyes, expecting someone would welcome him, give him a hug or a kiss, but he got betrayal instead. Another betrayal. “It’s not like someone told me to come home faster like about 8-9 hours ago. Of course, it’s not.” His eyes followed Hyunwoo walking over, slamming his suit harshly on the dining table, and sitting on the chair across him like a big angry bear. Hyunwoo looked so done and Kihyun snorted with laughter. He was so sure that Kihyun was pretending to be surprised.

“Look! You are still sulking about this morning.”

“Ha ha, funny.”

His laugh became louder as he saw the sour face of his husband, again. Hyunwoo drowned deep in his cheerfulness. Kihyun has always been annoying but that’s his special trait. Sometimes making Hyunwoo think about many possibilities of his life choice. He loves how Kihyun smiles and laughs, and it becomes charming when he scrunches his nose and makes his cheeks full of whisker dimples. Why does it have to be Kihyun? He didn’t want to think about reasons but can’t help thinking what if it’s not Kihyun. Could he feel something like this if it is anyone else? What if his father didn’t choose Kihyun to be his wife, would he fall in love with them? There were so many questions bugging his mind every time he spent time together with Kihyun along with laughs and teasing.

“Wait, what’s this? Why are there food stains on your suit?”

“A waiter bumped into me when I was about to leave the restaurant and it happened. Yeah, sauce and wine, I don’t know.”

It frustrated him so much because he couldn’t say anything when someone asked about him and Kihyun. Their togetherness wasn’t a natural thing. It was forced by the power of a person. How about this feeling? Is it forced? He couldn’t answer that. But seeing Kihyun with his own eyes, feeling deeply close and comfortable, a constant need of him close by, Hyunwoo knows it is true, it is wholeheartedly.

“Oh my God. What should we do? I love this gray one, you look handsome with this. I hope cleaning it with a small brush will work. I’ll do this first, you can drink my coffee.” 

Kihyun and his meticulous side, bothered by food stains on his clothes is nothing new. He was busy brushing the suit on the kitchen sink and adding some soap to the stain, instead of thinking about his husband’s sudden early arrival. It is a troublesome trait and Hyunwoo never gives a chance to someone who behaves like that before. But this time, he needs no one but Kihyun.

Kihyun or anyone else, it doesn’t matter now. His father played a big part in it and he won’t be happy about it. He couldn’t reach the same points of happiness as Mr. Jang who can tell the world about how his love life is going. Hyunwoo doesn’t choose to be with Kihyun. His father chooses Kihyun to be with him. Precisely, he could never tell anyone about his naggy wife, when they first met, how it felt their first kiss was, and how love grows between them with a happy face. Because there is no story that Hyunwoo draws by himself. This story is written by his father.

“Kihyun.”

Kihyun hummed to answer him, not really paying attention, still busy with the dirty suit. After there were no responses from Hyunwoo for a while, he looked around and found Hyunwoo daydreaming watching the hot puff of the coffee.

Hyunwoo turned to him slowly, staring at him with so much affection buried inside. “Would you like to go out with me?”

“Go out? To where?”

“A date.”

“Wait, what?”

“Let’s sleep in our respective rooms tonight. I won’t come to your room. See you tomorrow, at 9 o’clock, here.” Hyunwoo stood up and left behind Kihyun with his dirty suit alone.

“Are you not working tomorrow? Hyunwoo? Wait, your dinner!”

Love doesn’t need to be reasonable. But Hyunwoo needs it to be reasonable. Because he needs to choose his life journey by himself. Not by his father. Not by anyone else. He will write his own story together with Kihyun. He will make this blank canvas of memories full of drawings and choose Kihyun of his own will.

~~oOo~~

A date. What a foreign word to him. 

Asking for a date? What a strange question.

Hyunwoo never felt like this before, albeit it was his idea. He never properly asked someone for a date. He was inexperienced in this field. Usually, people will naturally cling to him just because his pocket is full of money, even when he was playing with girls in the club, they just suddenly were there without Hyunwoo asking for it.

The third requirement where he needed to go to the amusement park with Kihyun was never considered a proper date for him.  Because it was a requirement and Hyunwoo did it without his will.

So, what is a date? What is this feeling of nervousness?

Hyunwoo was standing like a stupid in front of the standing mirror, confused by his own reflection, gawking at his own sense of fashion. He folded his arms to his chest, thinking. He scanned through his own body, searching for something off but he couldn’t find it. Does his fashion style this suck or does Hyunwoo never realize it? He never had a problem concerning fashion because most people envied his body proportion. So, what is this feeling? He changed clothes too many times because he didn’t know what to choose. He peeked at his wristwatch and was surprised at how fast the time came. It was 10 minutes before 9 and Hyunwoo panicked (not usually he panicked over something like this) wearing a black turtleneck sweater and black pants with a brown belt, making his well-built body showing but somehow so dark and hot for early summer. Yeah, he looked stupid.

He got out of his room, finding nothing but silence. It felt odd that he couldn’t find Kihyun anywhere. Kihyun is always the one who prepares for everything and he never even once got up later than Hyunwoo. Then he realized that Kihyun’s bedroom was still tightly closed. Why? He checked on his watch again, there were another 3 minutes before the time so he tried to wait patiently. 

He was having a heart attack as soon as the bedroom door cracked open, revealing someone behind it wearing a baby blue shirt and white slim pants that match the season. The outfit was so good, complimenting his fairy white skin. There was a certain spark coming from him, twinkling. Hyunwoo was just helplessly standing. It was weird when he felt nervous. Kihyun looked so fresh and cute with that outfit and Hyunwoo couldn’t help but stare.

Kihyun was hesitant to move further seeing Hyunwoo dumbfoundedly looking at him. He took a deep breath to calm down the racing heartbeats he had been feeling since his eyes cracked open. A date. What a sudden event. He didn’t catch it well when Hyunwoo asked for it. He just realized it when he was about to go to sleep when watching the bedroom’s white ceiling for a moment. His eyes were blown wide as the words a date came into his realization. It could be said, Kihyun couldn’t sleep due to constantly feeling nervous without knowing why.

On the other hand, Hyunwoo was about to be out of this world. Feeling out of body experience as he noticed Kihyun walking closer while tucking his hair behind his ear. He looked so dazzling even when his eyelashes moved, it made Hyunwoo stunned.

“I am not late, right?”

Hyunwoo stopped breathing as he noticed the glossy lips moving. Kihyun used full makeup, even his freckles were covered well. In fact, it doesn’t really matter now if Kihyun dressed well or not, whether using make-up or not, but thinking about how Kihyun prepared himself to be good-looking on their date plan, it was indescribable. Hyunwoo could see a glimpse of worry in his eyes while his hand fidgeted with his pants. He felt relieved that it wasn’t only him who felt nervous about this.

“Um, n-no.” He stuttered, scratching his neck. 

“Are you okay with that outfit? Does it feel hot?”

Hyunwoo shook his head.

Of course, it is hot.   Not because of the outfit or the heat of early summer, but because feeling flustered is enough to make him feel hot.

Why did he feel this way? He is not a teenager anymore. It’s not like this is their first going out together. He has already seen Kihyun in many kinds of conditions; from ugly looking wearing wide pants and a lousy shirt or even without any fabric on his body. No, this is not about what Kihyun is wearing but about the idea of going out for a date on his will that changed everything and the way Kihyun agreed without complaining and preparing himself to dress nicely is mind-blowing. Hyunwoo wasn’t gonna make it through his own idea.

Hyunwoo walked out and Kihyun just followed behind. Everything felt so real as sunshine fell to his skin. It was a beautiful morning with the moistness of rest morning dew and birds chirping. He turned around while noticing a smaller hand reach for his hair, combing it gently. They stood face to face and Hyunwoo could see how close those sparkling eyes were. It is the usual thing Kihyun would do if he found Hyunwoo’s messy hair in the morning. Somehow it didn’t feel right and Hyunwoo wondered what was wrong with that.

“Going somewhere?” Both of them jolted at the gentle voice interrupting. One of their neighbors was standing there with her dog, smiling while paying attention to the close they became. She is one of the oldest neighbors around who loves to spend her time taking care of her dog in the morning.

Kihyun gave her a bumbling smile because he didn’t know what to say. A sudden realization hit Hyunwoo hard as he found Kihyun’s unusual quiet response. Hyunwoo blabbered, “We’re going for… a date.”

“Albeit you’re already married? You must want to reminisce about your dating life, right. That’s so sweet. Well, enjoy your time together.” She bowed to them and continued her walk with the dog, leaving the couple behind.

This is why he felt something was wrong. Though he didn’t want to separate from Kihyun, the fact they are married was ruining his mood. However, the way Kihyun’s cheeks got reddened after he said about the date to the neighbor made him realize that this is how he wants to be. Dating life and pre-marital life? There is no such a thing between them. That’s why Hyunwoo wants to write his own story with Kihyun without anyone else involved. 

Hyunwoo decided to be like this. He held out his hand to Kihyun, nervously waiting for his acceptance. If destiny chooses his side, then Hyunwoo won’t ask for more. “Only today, you are not my wife, not my spouse. Today… you are my date.”

Love is heart-throbbing. Every single splash makes them pound. As those slender fingers reached his hand, Hyunwoo felt the beauty of the world and he won’t ever want to let it go. The slight blush on Kihyun’s face is enough to tell that happiness is waiting for them. Hyunwoo would remember forever how it felt intertwining their fingers together, connecting their heart in synchronization. There is no Son Hyunwoo and Son Kihyun. There is only Son Hyunwoo and his crush Yoo Kihyun. As they stepped out of this married life, their first date was officially held.

So, this is how love feels. The world feels marvelous. Its lambency blinded eyes. Its simpleness makes it worth it. Its miracle causes an electric shock. No need to think about anything. Just walking and holding hands is enough to reach happiness. Then the nervousness melted into the air. Kihyun was giggling happily, jogging around while holding his hand tightly. He swayed Hyunwoo side to side, bringing him to the waves of overjoy. This is how love plays.

“What is that? A dugong?” Asked Kihyun curiously, nearly sticking his nose to the glass. His baby blue shirt matched the greenish-blue of aquarium glass, illuminating his figure with the light under the sea life. 

Hyunwoo snorted, “It’s a beluga. One of the whale families. The dugong is just… a dugong. They are different species.”

“Are you sure? They are similar in shape to a dugong.” He insisted.

“It’s not. Look at its face. Belugas have a smiley mouth, that’s why they are belugas. Oh my God, I can’t believe you.” Hyunwoo pulled his hand to the other side of the aquarium to show him the real one. “That’s a dugong.”

“Oh? They don’t look like what I imagined all this time. It’s amusing. Hahaha.” Kihyun blinked and looked up seeing the upset face of Hyunwoo. His laughter filled up the aquarium aisle with warmth and cold. Within this long tank aquarium and its marine life, Hyunwoo felt his heart at ease when Kihyun brought him walking to the place where they could see a giant stingray. “You know, Minhyuk loves whales. I don’t know why he loves whales. He has this big whale plushie in his bedroom. He sleeps hugging it like a weirdo. He always refers himself to whales. He is definitely a weirdo.”

There weren’t many people around. Just some couples walking, seeing the same thing that they were seeing. Just do the same holding hands like they’re doing. Sometimes they stopped at some places to interact with the group of small fish swimming near the glass. Never been in his mind to have a date to see fish and their companion in his entire life. Yet still, unexpectedly, it worked so well. Sometimes, Kihyun looks so innocent with everything he sees, reacting genuinely like he knows any knowledge but actually he’s not. Hyunwoo found great entertainment by watching his facial expression when got excited just for a free ticket to see the dolphin special show. 

“Why not? It’s up to him. If he thinks he is a whale, then he is a whale.”

“Wow, I never think that you could say stuff like that.” Kihyun glanced at him, showing his face under the light of blue and green, like inside the ocean, deep and meaningful. “So, I’ll be a shark then.”

Hyunwoo gave a snort of mocking, shaking his head, “You can’t.”

“Why? People call me a shark back then. Because I’m this sharp and agile at work.”

“Because you are this small and sharp, like sea urchins.”

“I’m sharp but not small.”

“Yes, you are. Compared to me, you are,” Hyunwoo took both his cheeks with one hand, making him look like a gasping fish. “Look, this small. Your face fits my hand.” Kihyun pushed his hand off his face, glaring at chuckling Hyunwoo. It was rare to see Hyunwoo joking around and looking so blissful. A genuine smile gradually formed on Kihyun’s face when watching his crescent moon eyes showing.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Kihyun held on the aquarium guardrail, to look up further to see the marine life above him. Its color and silence bring peace yet fear. “Maybe you are right. I can’t be a shark. Life under the sea, it’s beautiful yet scary. I can’t live with the others.”

His smile faded as he realized the meaning of Kihyun’s words. He also doesn’t want the same thing to happen: can’t live with the other. Can’t live with Kihyun. It’ll be so lonely. “Compared to a shark, I think you fit the image of a beluga.”

“Come on. I’m being serious here and you’re still teasing me. I don’t want people to call me melon head. Doesn’t sound good.”

Both of them chuckled at his statement. Well, it is right that belugas have melon-shaped heads and somehow it was so funny imagining Kihyun having that kind of head. Hyunwoo stated casually, tilting his head, “Their faces. It’s kinda similar to you. Always has this kind of smiley mouth and walnut chin, it fits you. If you don’t believe it, just do the face.” Kihyun frowned and at the same time unconsciously did whatever Hyunwoo encouraged him to do, which is mimicking the facial expression of belugas. A pursed and smiley mouth was formed, it’s kinda similar but interestingly uglier. “Look, it’s an awful beluga on your face!” Just before Kihyun could complain about how Hyunwoo made fun of his face, Hyunwoo already caught both of his cheeks to give him a short peck on his pouty lips.

“Son Hyunwoo!” He screamed like a dolphin as Hyunwoo left him behind, embarrassed at being watched out by other visitors there. 

Love is fun. Love is freedom. Hyunwoo never felt like this before. He felt like an innocent kid. Freely expressing himself from time to time without needing to restrain himself. He showed his love for Kihyun genuinely. He showered Kihyun with sincerity. He looped his arms to Kihyun’s waist only to catch him from running after Kihyun put a bit of ice cream on his nose. Kihyun tried to break the chain, shaking his head, giggling gleefully. It was so fun. It was so enthusiastic. When he laughs, Hyunwoo’s world is lit up. The shine sneaked in through the crack of his nearly frozen heart. It doesn’t feel lonely anymore. It doesn’t feel hopeless anymore. It doesn’t feel hurt anymore.

Kihyun screamed high notes at the right moment he felt excited. Hyunwoo didn’t regret chasing a free ticket to see the dolphin show, owning the fact that Kihyun would be this delighted. By some means, he thought maybe Kihyun felt so lonely waiting for him alone in their house that’s makes him happy to go out somewhere. It’s just a mere dolphin, jumping in and out of the water but Kihyun made it look like a talent show. His laughs are like music to the ear, filling Hyunwoo’s head until he felt dizzy and didn’t realize his own action while taking Kihyun’s hand to be kissed. He is just being in love, it’s that simple and it changes him into a weird person.

“Did you see that? They could get out of the water to greet the kids there. It’s so cute.”

Hyunwoo nodded and hummed to respond to him. “Is it your first time watching a dolphin show?”

“Yes! I almost bought the ticket when I went out with the guys but suddenly an emergency came up, so yeah. This is my first time.”

Hyunwoo smiled to himself and back to focus on the steering wheel, finding a horizon piercing his eyes as he turned to the next intersection. The sky was changing colors. Its orange color shows that the time was nearly sunset. Kihyun hummed to the song of the summer titled Heaven playing on the radio, swaying his body, and making it feel like a never-ending drive to paradise. If only they could this forever, Hyunwoo would do anything for it.

“Are we going home?” There was a slight disappointment in Kihyun’s voice as he noticed they drove going toward the way home. He pulled a long face, looking at the street, being melancholy. It was a vivid afternoon. Perfect moment for spending more time together, because it doesn’t need to end. Yet no other continuation for that matter and Kihyun kept silent, afraid of telling his mind. He just didn’t know what was waiting for him. 

Hyunwoo slammed the steering wheel, making a sudden u-turn. The tires were squeaking due to the change of direction. Hyunwoo stepped on the gear and added speed on the road. It felt like a fast and furious movie; full of adrenaline and rapidness. Kihyun got a thunderstruck as his body was shaking due to the high speed. He held on to the safety belt for the sake of dear life. The engine brought them to the illusion where people looked like colorful mini chess pawns scattering around on the street. It made him dazed for a while before laughing as Hyunwoo gave him a wicked smirk. He never knew that Hyunwoo could be this wild at this age, bringing their rhythm to the next level of volatility. 

“I’m good at racing if you want to know.” His voice was almost like a whisper, Kihyun couldn’t hear it clearly because of the joy and danger they went through as Hyunwoo overtook the road. Normally, he would go mad if Hyunwoo did a violation but somehow he let it happen just for the day. Hyunwoo can be unpredictable sometimes. 

Kihyun yelled “Hyunwoo, stop, we’ll crash!” unstoppable every time he felt the speed is getting added. Hyunwoo giggled seeing his panic reaction and made it turn to a parking lot with so much force of agility. Bringing them to a new favorite place. His limbs felt shaking like a newborn calf when the car stopped abruptly and was parked perfectly. 

“Han river? Yeouido Hangang Park?” Kihyun questioned while gasping for a breath, raising his eyebrow, confusedly looking at him. Hyunwoo shrugged nonchalantly, letting Kihyun wonder what they would do there. 

“If you think this will end fast, then you’re wrong.”

Hyunwoo got out of the car so fast. Kihyun could only follow where he’d go and never expected that he would open the car door for Kihyun. He waited outside giving a small smile and handed his hand to be taken by him. He said let’s go through his eyes. 

Let’s enjoy the sunset.

Kihyun glanced at him, squinting his eyes to wonder what was Hyunwoo’s intention to bring him here; the place for bicycle rent. Hyunwoo looked suspiciously excited. “Let me tell you. If you are good at racing, then I’m good at cycling. I have superstar’s legs.” He brushed over Hyunwoo’s chest to point out his challenge and raised his chin, cocky.

“Too bad. I thought you can’t do cycling.”

Kihyun frowned and felt offended, “How come you think I can’t?”

“So, I can give you a cycling private lesson?”

Kihyun snorted in amusement, giving him a no-no by swaying his pointer finger. “What a lame reason you have there. Just honestly say that you want to go cycling with me across this park to see the Han river.”

Hyunwoo shrugged, giving a note to his prediction. “That’s actually what we’re gonna do.”

Love is peaceful. Love is beautiful. Giving Hyunwoo a sight that every moment is enjoyable. When he peddled the bike faster, a breeze welcomed him as gentle as Kihyun’s touch on his skin. It was heavenly, seeing Kihyun close his eyes enjoying the breeze, uniting with the sky and nature, pleasing his mind aesthetically. His hair danced beautifully under the orange sky of near sunset. Gives an idea of breathtaking moments.

“Hyunwoo, chase me over!” He yelled as he put brute force to the pedal, increasing the speed swiftly, passing by people walking in the side park. Of course, he could do something unpredictable like Hyunwoo was. Hyunwoo took a good pace to chase him, making his leg muscles work their best but still enjoying the scenery of buildings and the river joining together. The green park and its landscape never felt this refreshing.

“You said you are good at cycling but still, you can’t beat a racer,” said Hyunwoo as he succeeded in chasing Kihyun’s pace just at the right time the sunset had its lowest position. He poked Kihyun’s softie cheek to tease him. Kihyun was pissed off and tried to bite his finger however he detached it to grip tight on the handle and then pedaled hard to leave Kihyun behind far away to be the winner of their own competition. Kihyun wouldn’t let him away, he got faster and faster only to laugh at his side as they noticed how stupid they look, chasing over each other endlessly, not like everyone else does.

Kihyun decreased his speed as he paid attention to the sky above starting to get dark as the sun drowned into the tall buildings. He stopped his bike, observing the time had run without him realizing it. He frowned deeply, thinking on his own. The day was nearly over and he felt like crying. Hyunwoo noticed him, brutally stopping his bike to see how Kihyun’s smile faded. He tilted his head, confused.

“Kihyun.” Hyunwoo got off his bike and walked over to him. They stared at each other, trying to understand what they wanted to be. “Let’s go.” Kihyun stared dumbfounded at Hyunwoo’s stretched hand. He got off his bike and reached for Hyunwoo’s tight hold. They didn’t ride bikes anymore. They chose to stroll while holding hands to enjoy the bright change to the dark, witnessing their shadows vanish engulfed by night.

Han river has an amazing view at night. The sky is full of stars of the summer and the scenery is full of twinkling lights. They were sitting on the grass beside the river, watching the river stream. The dissonance of nightlife felt so strong as they were aware of people gathering near the bridge or the river, enjoying the night scenery of the famous places. 

It was true that the night was coming but it also proved that the day was still a fun day. His mind was full of great memories and his heart was full of contentment. Love is bizarre, you think it’ll end but it is not. Kihyun leaned his head to Hyunwoo’s shoulder, feeling his breath hitched as the breeze started to get chilly. At that moment, Hyunwoo bumped their heads together to make it warm.

“I feel like I am 10 years younger today,” said Hyunwoo while seeing their legs bumping and Kihyun giggling. “It’s been a while.”

“You are. You look funny in this outfit. Doesn’t match our date plan.” He mumbled as his nose snuggled into Hyunwoo’s turtleneck sweater, to show what was wrong with his outfit. Sniffing his strong scent.

“ Our date plan? It’s my date plan.” Hyunwoo corrected it precisely.

“Is it planned?” Kihyun’s smile grew wider when Hyunwoo made their pinkies intertwined, brushing over each other.

“No.”

Kihyun snorted with laughter as heard that. He didn’t realize how much he laughs throughout the day. “That’s why it feels rowdy but I like it.”

“So you like it?” Hyunwoo peeked at him, seeing those eyes so close. There was only honestly buried inside. Kihyun nodded, making his hair brush over Hyunwoo’s cheek.

“It’s sad that it isn’t autumn so we can see fireworks at night here.”

“Let’s come here again. Someday.”

“Yeah, someday.”

Hyunwoo also likes this. If only he could be 10 years younger than now, then he’ll choose to be younger so he could meet Kihyun earlier on and they won’t be involved with his maze of agreement. It’s gonna be wonderful.

Love is dreamy. It feels like a dream when Kihyun held his hand tight as if he didn’t want to let it go. When the memories are thrown back, it feels like reality. He had never found love this hot and enthusiastic. It really feels like going back to the time when Hyunwoo felt passion and hope running inside his veins, and he wanted to make it stay inside his body.

It was fun. It was definitely fun. He felt his body filled with pleasure and tired at the same time. Hyunwoo drove slowly while turning up piano music on the radio. Kihyun slept so soundly like a cutie with twitching fingers on his lap along the way home. Maybe he was dreaming about the day they have written together. Hyunwoo stared at his sleeping face for a while, thinking about what kind of life if it is not with Kihyun. Finally, he found a beautiful memory to tell about. It’s not always reminding him about bad things now. Hyunwoo smiled before getting closer to kiss his lips softly.

Hyunwoo carried him back to their home. He didn’t want to wake up Kihyun because he felt sad that the day had been over. Once he opened the door and stepped inside, their life as Son Hyunwoo and Son Kihyun would be back and he wouldn’t know what kind of mystery lies behind it and what kind of hassle that welcomes him.

Hyunwoo just hopes that whatever comes to him, Kihyun will stay by his side.

~~oOo~~

It was the day. June 18th.

The day he avoids the most since he was a kid. He remembered those bad memories of his childhood when his father never took a chance to say happy birthday. Although Hyunwoo already swore to God that he’ll be a good son if his father did it. But those chances were gone like they never existed. His father never remembered it, never. Even if he remembered, he didn’t care. The day when he came into the world was the happiest day of his mother’s life but it was never his father’s happiest moment. 

It was summer with clear days and hot temperatures. Most children his age had a good day with their families during summer break, while Hyunwoo saw cold tiles in his room alone. His classmate never even once remembered his birthday. He never told them, they never asked him. It was hot but it felt cold. There were many kinds of cakes and cookies in the dining room, prepared by the household servants. But nothing could make Hyunwoo taste them. Even if the servants sincerely said happy birthday to him, his heart was still as cold as unbreakable ice. It was lonelier than ever. His existence never meant anything. He didn’t know what was the reason he was born.

Only on that day, June 18th, Hyunwoo felt like crying but no one would want to see it. He would come to his mother but he held his tears so hard because seeing his mother in the hospital was sadder than anything. Her condition was going nowhere. Her life was never better than anyone’s. His father never came to see her. But she still gave him a smile and a warm hug saying she loves Hyunwoo the most every June 18th. Until the next few years, Hyunwoo got nothing but a cold tombstone.

It was June 18th. The day he was afraid the most. Even until this time, he tried to avoid it. Even if there was Kihyun, still he didn’t want it. Hyunwoo woke up a bit later than usual, seeing the familiar white ceiling of Kihyun’s bedroom welcoming him. There was nothing but a void in his arms because there was no Kihyun lying beside him. He kept thinking about how to erase this day from the calendar because he didn’t want it to happen. Even he wanted Kihyun to know nothing about this day and it got worse after the sixth requirement was announced. 

A buzz from his phone broke his daydream. He took it and found a message from Yoon. He just didn’t know what to do about it.

Happy birthday, Hyunwoo! Let’s celebrate it with lunch later. Sorry about the other day if I was rude. Maybe you want to spend your birthday with him alone, right. Enjoy your time!

His breath hitched. The day was really coming. So, he only erased this day in his dream. He closed his eyes, trying to calm down but he couldn’t. However, there was still a chance. Kihyun seemingly didn’t know that this Saturday was his birthday. He didn’t want to give a chance to any bad things. He decided to go out somewhere alone so they wouldn’t spend the day together. Because if it happened, Hoseok would take a chance and say that he agrees that the requirement is fulfilled. No way. He wouldn’t let it.

Hyunwoo took a shower and dressed in a hurry, worried that Kihyun would come to wake him up. Maybe Kihyun was still busy with his mini pot plants or busy doing some house chores. As he took all his stuff, he went out of the room as fast as he could but something surprised him. As he stepped out of the bedroom, his nose could smell the sweet scent of chocolate and caramel. It brought Hyunwoo back to his childhood days when his birthday came up and the servants made him cakes and cookies. He frowned in confusion, walking slowly to the source of the smell, and found Kihyun standing leaned on the kitchen counter stirring something on the pot. There were a few freshly baked chocolate cookies on the dining table. Hyunwoo was freaking out that the nightmare was coming.

“What are you doing?” Hyunwoo didn’t sound good, trying to hold his raging emotion.

“Morning, Hyunwoo. Do you like something sweet? I made some, looking at recipes on the internet. Try it.”

It had been a while since he didn’t feel this emotion.

“I hate them!”

Kihyun blinked confusedly as seeing Hyunwoo screaming with so much anger as he shoved all the cookies off the table. He never thought that Hyunwoo would be this angry just because he was asking about preferences. “Don’t worry. I made it less sweet.”

“Kihyun!” He slammed the table, causing a loud deafening sound. He could see pieces of dried seaweed, sliced beef, and sesame oil on the kitchen counter.

No way Kihyun didn’t know about it. Hyunwoo just suggested to himself that Kihyun didn’t know all this time. There is no way that the meticulous and caring Kihyun knows nothing about it. Maybe this is why he was just standing there like that, looking at Hyunwoo sadly. It was a waste of time to argue about this matter because no one would understand. Hyunwoo just walked over to hug him, snuggling deeper into his small shoulder. Begging. “Please stop it, Kihyun. I don’t want it.”

Kihyun and his scent give him a calm but nothing could change the fact that Hyunwoo was worried about everything. He wanted to run but he couldn’t. When Kihyun touched his jaw and smiled, Hyunwoo didn’t want it to happen. “Everything’s gonna be alright, Hyunwoo. Today is a blessed day. I’m here to celebrate it with you. I made you seaweed soup there. Let’s have breakfast.”

A bowl of seaweed soup, a traditional meal for celebrating birthdays, was deliciously served in front of him. Hyunwoo stared at it without wanting to touch any of it. The smell of fishy from the dried seaweed and salty broth made his stomach growl but his mind and body rejected the existence. Kihyun was patiently waiting, smiling looking at him across the table. Expecting that Hyunwoo would love his first homemade seaweed soup. But Hyunwoo didn’t seem to believe anything.

“I can’t.” He stood up harshly, walking so fast to leave Kihyun alone.

“Hyunwoo.”

But before he could open the door, he heard familiar voices coming from the outside. 

“Are you sure that this is the address?”

“I don’t know.”

Hyunwoo opened the door all of a sudden as he got curious and found Hyungwon together with Minhyuk debating over an address right in front of their door. They jolted as they saw Hyunwoo frowning watching them. 

“Oh! Hyunwoo!”

“What are you guys doing here?” A sudden yell came out from Hyunwoo who got confused with everything before him.

“So, is this the right address? Oh, it’s right.” Minhyuk chirped in between as he saw Kihyun peeking from inside. Kihyun blinked in confusion with his mouth agape as to why they came.

“Of course, it is right. It’s from Hoseok.”

His breath felt like it was stopping as the name of Hoseok was mentioned. He could see the man walking from faraway with another two familiar men. One of them was running happily, shouting ‘ Hyunwoo-hyung’ while waving his hand. And the other one just followed him behind calmly, bringing some paper bags in his hand. 

“Hyunwoo-hyung, happy birthday!” Jooheon jumped excitedly, almost tripping on his own legs. He ran faster so he could reach Hyunwoo hurriedly and give him a tight hug.

Hyunwoo was constantly blinking as all of them were gone from his sight and then came inside his apartment without being welcomed. It was rude, loud, and troublesome. Hoseok was the last one to reach the place. He stared at Hyunwoo for a while before patting his arm and welcoming himself to the place. Hyunwoo turned around and saw Hoseok standing face to face with Kihyun without saying anything. Kihyun was so lost in progress and Hoseok gave him a small smile.

Hyunwoo couldn’t run from his fate on June 18th. 

The day that he avoided the most became the most confusing one as he saw how crowded their living room was, consisting of never-ending arguing between Jooheon and Minhyuk about where they wanted to sit. Of course, Minhyuk wanted to sit side by side with his lover Hyungwon while Jooheon didn’t want it to happen because he was so done with the new couple’s acts each day. Changkyun was quiet as usual, suddenly leaving them to approach Kihyun and give him the paper bags full of groceries. Minhyuk told him that they brought many foods to enjoy together on the day of Hyunwoo’s birthday. Hyunwoo was never wrong to think that their living room is so small.

Hyunwoo still couldn’t process what was happening. Although he already heard, Hyungwon told everyone in the room that Hoseok suddenly called him to invite him for a hangout at the same time Hyungwon knocked on the door of Minhyuk’s place. That’s when everything was revealed, Hoseok told him that the day was Hyunwoo’s birthday and everybody didn’t even care about making a fuss and going straight to their place. 

“It was their idea, not mine.” Said Hoseok as he sipped his cold lemon tea that Kihyun served for everyone. Hyunwoo glanced at him in a displeasing way but the man didn’t seem to care about it. He just noticed that Hoseok made a good strategy by involving Kihyun’s friends so Hyunwoo couldn’t make a move.

Kihyun was overwhelmed by the chaotic room. Something that he missed from his friends. But he was also worried about Hyunwoo who kept quiet from the beginning. Kihyun sat by his side, peeking at his face cautiously. He wanted to say something but nothing came out.

“Hyunwoo-hyung, are you okay? You don’t look happy.” Jooheon and his innocent blunt words made the situation awkward. Everybody in the room shifted attention to him, realizing that Hyunwoo never gave permission from the start and noticing that might be Hyunwoo wanted to go somewhere right after he opened the door.

Hyunwoo scanned through the room, staring at each of them. Wondering. They know nothing about Hyunwoo. They did nothing wrong about this, too. But still, it was uncomfortable. No one ever congrats him each year. No one remembers his birthday. No one cares about how he came to the world. His existence means nothing. Only on this day, Hyunwoo loses himself. It’s always so lonely when this day comes. But what are they doing and why?

“Why are you guys here?”

They stared confusedly at each other but Hyunwoo looked so serious right there. Hyungwon fell to the sofa like a comic guy, “I thought you heard us just now. Oh my goodness, this man. What should we do about him?”

“Let’s play a game and whoever wins could draw on Hyunwoo-hyung’s face with these brush pens!” Jooheon shouted happily while swaying colorful brush pens in his hands. Everybody yelled to make excitement grow uncontrollable, except Changkyun who only raised his hand while grinning like a cat. 

Jooheon brought many kinds of games to be played there. He wanted to play video games so badly but there was no device for playing games in their apartment. So, they chose one of the simplest yet hardest games ever because it could cause fighting between the players, which is Halli Gali. Minhyuk immediately canceled Hyunwoo, so he would not join the games because he was the final prize. Hyunwoo couldn’t protest because Minhyuk was leading the crowd more than him and also he didn’t know how to play it. He let them do whatever they wanted to do compared to getting booed by the youngsters.

The rules of the game are simple. Each player receives a pile of cards turned upside down and the bell is placed in the middle between the players. Cards are turned over one by one until there are 5 of the same type of fruit visible on the table. Whoever notices needs to ring the bell as fast as possible. Whoever rings the bell first gets all of the cards on the table. The more cards the player has is better. 

No one ever expected that they would play the games so long and cause chaos inside the small living room. Kihyun never intended to join the games but they insisted on it. It was so messy with many cups and chips on the table that it was neglected in the corner (they moved it so they could gather in the middle).

“Oh my, Kihyun is good today. He won twice.” Hoseok clapped his hand, amazed at how he always sucks at being the first out, and how good Kihyun remembered the cards’ order. 

“Well, well. He deserves it. Just give him the prize.” Minhyuk shook his head in disbelief at his luck that day.

“Please accept these, Your Highness.” Jooheon handed over the colorful pens to Kihyun as if they were sacred items. “Draw whatever you want.”

Hyunwoo protested, “Why are you guys deciding by yourself? I don’t want it.”

“Well, well, just accept your destiny here. It’s your birthday, after all.” Hyungwon patted his arm gently to calm him down. “Okay, proceed.”

“You!” Hyunwoo glared at him. He cursed Hyungwon through his eyes but the man pretended to see nothing. It was out of office hours so no one could stop him. 

“If I am the winner, I’ll draw shits on his face,” Hoseok mumbled, making Hyunwoo widen his eyes. Seems like his employees have a personal grudge against him. 

Hyunwoo tried to run away but they held him so strong that he couldn’t move from the sofa. Kihyun bit his lips, having a hard time choosing which color he wanted to use; there were green, blue, purple, yellow, red, and black. They were all good colors but it seems it won’t easily pigment on Hyunwoo’s tanned skin. He chose the red one instead of the black one after a long fight inside his head. Kihyun came closer, cupping his cheek and thinking what he should draw. Their eyes met and Hyunwoo was stunned by the fact that Kihyun looked at him earnestly. Hyunwoo gradually lost his force and let Kihyun put the tip on his cheek. Surrender.

“Woah, I bet he’s gonna draw a heart there. Okay, everybody’s going home.” Minhyuk exclaimed as he took off his grip from Hyunwoo’s feet. Actually, Kihyun didn’t know what to draw but Minhyuk’s words gave him the idea to draw a ton of red hearts on Hyunwoo’s cheeks. He also drew a small black heart on the corner of the lips. Somehow it looked so cute. “Okay, it’s not fun anymore. We can’t laugh at his face,” Minhyuk continued but everybody turned their attention to Changkyun who was giggling on his own.

Hyunwoo was incredibly exhausted but seeing Kihyun laughing so wide in front of his face, he just let it happen.

The day was surely fun for them. They eat out everything on the table and didn’t stop talking. Hyunwoo felt dizzy listening to their noise. They played games, watched movies, or simply sang karaoke there with simple tools (because Hyunwoo didn’t have a karaoke machine). It surprised him as they sang a happy birthday together, even Jooheon tried to rap his part while swaying Hyunwoo here and there. He felt like running away. Instead of feeling happy, he felt embarrassed by their acts.

Hyunwoo still remembered how weird Jooheon’s face was when he hugged Hyunwoo once again, saying happy birthday before leaving their place. Minhyuk and Hyungwon did the same, saying congratulations and then praying for his happiness and all. Even the quietest one, Changkyun, said it to him. Kihyun gave a small smile to him and said thank you. Changkyun was so mysterious, looking at them silently, and then saying ‘I hope the best for both of you’ before bowing his head and then leaving. Hyunwoo felt a bit strange about the day. It’d never been this loud and disorganized on the day of his birthday. 

As they were gone, Hyunwoo found Hoseok sitting on the sofa alone. The day was already happening and Hyunwoo couldn’t do anything about it. He unintentionally fulfilled the requirement. There was no way to run. Kihyun was there, standing nervously as Hoseok kept quiet. He let out a tired sigh.

It was awkward yet scary.

“What a chaotic day, isn’t it?” He said, looking around the room, finding the rest of the messiness after the sudden unplanned party. 

“Hoseok—”

“If you think I’m a bad person then just do it. I’m here just to help you both.” He rose up, standing face to face with Hyunwoo. Help? He could be kidding but Hyunwoo already lost his energy over the fact. Hoseok reached into his bag, looking for something. It was a brown envelope that Hyunwoo was familiar with but mini-sized. His mind was distracted as he saw the envelope was handed to him. “Please read it today. It’s from your mother.”

“How co—”

“Happy birthday, Hyunwoo. I wish all the best for you.” Hoseok left them without notice.

It was June 18th. The day of unexpected.

Hyunwoo was silent, staring at the brown envelope on the table. Sadness filled his eyes deeply. Kihyun was worried because he had never seen Hyunwoo like this before. Mostly he would be silent when he was in deep thought but never showed sadness on his face. Hyunwoo keeps a big pride inside his burly body. When he doesn’t like it, he would throw it away. But now, he couldn’t do that. His heart was weakened and Kihyun was the reason.

“Hyunwoo. Are you gonna read it?”

Love is changing people. Hyunwoo admits that he was scared of destiny. It was his birthday and he didn’t want something bad to happen like in the past. He wanted it yet he didn’t want it. He fought with himself, having a hard time making decisions.

“It was on my birthday when she was hospitalized for the first time,” Hyunwoo began, his eyes fluttering shut trying to reminisce about those bad memories. It was hard but he wanted Kihyun to know it. “She said to me that my father will come faster to celebrate my birthday. I was just an innocent child who was starving for his love so I believed her. I was so excited to invite him for a picnic on the summer break.”

Hyunwoo let out a long sigh, feeling a heavy burden on his chest. Kihyun was paying attention, noticing his fingers scratching; discomfort. “My father came home late at night, he was always, without caring he just walked past us. I waited, we waited. I was about to cry because he didn’t even look at me. My dream of seeing him bring me a gift was destroyed. My mom is a lovely person. She said it’s okay and I believed it. She came to his working room and they talked. I could only hear screaming and crying. Suddenly, I heard something. She was lying on the floor, losing consciousness but he just stood there watching us.”

“Hyunwoo,” His eyes glistened in tears as he could feel Hyunwoo breathless. It was hard seeing him like that. “I’m…”

“They brought her to the hospital and she never came back again to our home. It was also after celebrating my birthday, after giving a hug and a kiss to me while saying she loves me so much, she lost her life. I lost her.” Hyunwoo shook his head, still denying the fact that it was the last time he met his mother. It feels so lonely on the same June 18th even until now. It was traumatizing. “If only I wasn’t a crybaby, maybe she wouldn’t need to confront him. Maybe she will be here with me now.”

Kihyun couldn’t handle the pain. He was the one who was crying while Hyunwoo was still as hard as a rock. He hugged him tightly, feeling how Hyunwoo’s body was shaking due to suppressing his feelings. Hyunwoo is such a strong person.

“I’m just scared of losing. Losing of my mother and you . I’m just scared, Kihyun.”

Kihyun sobbed harder as he heard that but nothing he could do about it. He just wants the best for Hyunwoo and this hateful feeling inside him is a burden to himself.

The brown envelope was already opened, containing a piece of paper that was so nostalgic to Hyunwoo. Its form reminded him of a shabby small diary book that he used to share stories between him and his mother. The paper was written by hand on June 17th a long time ago, exactly one day before her death; a message from a mother.

Dear beloved son,

 

Tomorrow is your birthday. 

 

I still remembered how nervous I was when I felt you kick me from inside my womb. I couldn’t help but think that you wanted to go out faster to see me, so I was so smiley all day when bearing the pain. I couldn’t wait to see you sleeping in my arms. I couldn’t wait to see your face.

 

When you were born, I was the happiest in the entire universe. You were crying so hard but you stopped crying when I held you in my arms. I couldn’t stop kissing your tiny head and then melting every time you were yawning. On the day of your birth, a miracle happened. I swore to God that I’ll make you the happiest son in the world.

 

I saw you growing up to be a handsome boy. You couldn’t walk properly and then cried when you fell on your butt. You made your own clothes messy by puking off your milk. You said ‘mma’ for your first word. I am a lucky mother who can see her son’s growth daily. You just don’t know how much it means to me. How much it means the world to me. I want to see it more and more.

 

But my son,

I’m sorry.

 

I think I can’t hold on anymore. I want to be with you so badly, giving the love that you deserve, until you become a handsome man and have a family. But it seems that God doesn’t allow me.

 

I'm sorry that I can’t give you everything that you want. I’m sorry I was lying that everything will be okay. I’m sorry for being a bad mother who can’t fulfill her promise to make you the happiest son in the world. I’m really sorry, so sorry, my son. If I could trade my life for your happiness, then I’ll do it. I hope you can forgive me.

 

I hope someday there is someone beside you who makes you feel that you are the happiest person in the world. The person that will take care of you with love and sincerity. Showing how marvelous the world is.

 

You are my life. You are my miracle. Your existence is so meaningful. Remember that. I love you, always love you, even if I can’t see you with my own eyes. Even if I am not there.

 

I love you so much, my one and only son.

Love is eternal. Even if death sets it apart, he could feel it in his heart by reading the words.

Hyunwoo gasped as it suddenly got blackout. Kihyun came, bringing a mini chocolate cake and a candle on top of it singing a song that was familiar with. He breathed a sigh of relief. Even in the darkness, Kihyun looks so pretty. He put the cake on the table beside the letter. Only one small candle enlighted them. It was so simple yet warming. Though Kihyun encouraged him, he still didn’t want to blow the only one light in the room because it was so priceless. He just wanted to keep it until the last.

“Everybody came here just to celebrate it with you despite their busy life because they care. You are loved, Hyunwoo. Never think that you are not.”

Love is giving attention. Every part of it is so meaningful. Even the smallest attention is priceless. Hyunwoo learned about it through this day that the world is not as cruel as he thinks it is. Especially, when Kihyun hugged him closer, letting his bigger body fully lean on him. Hyunwoo enjoyed every single touch on his hair that made him feel safe and loved.

“Happy birthday, Hyunwoo. I always miss you even though I meet you every day. I hope you always be happy and healthy.”

He hopes that the prayer that his mother made will be granted. That someday there will be someone who can make him feel the happiest, fully content with life, and then draw futures together with him.

“Kihyun.”

As Kihyun stared at him lovingly, Hyunwoo just knows that he is the happiest person in the world. Love is sharing. He will share it with someone he loves the most in any possible way. Because love is finding someone you trust the most.

“I love you.”

Kihyun chuckled as he touched the corner of his lips. There were still leftover mark pens that were shaped like love. Hyunwoo took his hand and pulled him closer to kiss his love-shaped lips. Fondly.