Chapter Text
Three Years Ago
"Yo Sam!" Ian hears Carl call for someone loudly. "Stay here, just gonna say hello real quick." Carl tells him as he let's go of Ian's elbow.
Ian nods and listens as Carl's footsteps walks away. Ever since he lost his sight he hears and smells things more clearly now. It's almost like those senses are heightened now that he can't see. Ian tries not to move, lest he gets lost. He can hear people passing by talking and cars honking everywhere. Their neighborhood is busy today.
Ian had wanted to take a walk and Carl had offered. When Ian came back from the war blind he had been heartbroken. Never in a million years did he think he would ever adjust or get used to it. But he had had to accept it and here he was. It's been two months now and he hasn't broken down in two weeks. He however can't bring himself to buy a walking stick though. So his siblings have been volunteering to guide him wherever he wants to go until he feels ready.
Ian thinks Carl has been gone for long enough so without changing directions he starts to move forward. He bumps into someone and before he can apologize,
"Watch where the fuck you're going! The fuck are you, blind?" Mickey glares at the guy in front of him.
Pleasant. Ian chuckles lightly. "Yes, actually."
"Oh shit!" Mickey curses and puts his phone in his pocket. He doesn't do regret but for the first time he wishes he could take back what he just said. "Umm..." He starts. "Well, where's your fucking stick, or whatever?"
Ian clears his throat. "I don't have one. Yet."
Now Mickey really feels bad. "You can't be walking around by yourself like this. Do you umm... need to get somewhere? I could, you know, walk ya."
Ian likes this man's voice. It's gruff, nice and he doesn't sound like he does people favors on the daily but he's offering to lend Ian a hand. "You have a really nice voice." Ian blurts out before he can stop himself.
Mickey blushes and he's glad the guy can't see it. Now that the man has complimented him Mickey notices just how hot he is. He's handsome, he's buff and the red hair makes him hotter. Shit, is he ogling blind guys now? He scratches the back of his neck feeling a little bit awkward.
Ian starts to panic the more silence he receives. Did he scare the guy away? "I'm sorry, that was inappropriate."
Shit. "No, its cool. I'm Mickey."
Ian feels bad for hitting on a straight guy so he decides to release him. "I'm sorry I bumped into you Mickey. I'm with my brother, he's across the road, I think. He told me to wait here, but to be honest my feet are kinda getting tired." He starts to turn around trying to listen for his little brother even though he knows his efforts will be futile.
He inhales sharply when he feels a hand grab his elbow. "It's fine. I'll walk ya."
"Are... are you sure? I don't want to impose. I'm sure you're busy."
Mickey smiles at the guy's apologetic expression. "Maybe. But I wanna make it up to you for insulting you earlier. Where do you live?"
"North Wallace. I'm Ian by the way."
"Nice to meet you Ian."
Ian smiles happily as Mickey begins to guide him home.
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"I'm really sorry about earlier." Mickey apologizes after a while. "I was on my phone, it was my fucking fault anyway."
Ian chuckles lightly. "It's okay. You sound really good looking, are you?"
"I'm I what?" Mickey asks, amused.
"Good looking!"
Mickey snorts. "How does a good looking person sound like?"
Ian shrugs. "Like you." Mickey laughs. You've got a great laugh too. "Would you... would you go out with a blind guy if one happened to ask you out?"
"What, you think I'd turn you down just 'cause you can't see?"
"Yeah." Ian answers truthfully.
"Fuck you, I'm not that shallow!"
Ian laughs so hard be throws his head back. Mickey shakes his head. He's beginning to really like this guy. "So you've dated a blind guy before?"
"No. Watch it," Mickey walks Ian around a porthole. "But it's not like it'd be a deal breaker or some shit."
So he is gay! Ian's heart skips happily. "Would you say yes to me?"
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Now
"Miiiiiick!"
"What? Give me a sec, alright? Need to get ready for this interview. We don't all get paid by the army."
Ian laughs and taps his hand on his thigh. He takes a bite of the pudding his boyfriend just made him. They've been together for three years now and they just moved in together a month ago. Ian hasn't fully mastered their apartment as well as he had the Gallagher house. But he will with time.
His siblings had fought them tooth and nail, which is why it had taken them so long to move in together despite dating for three years. Fiona didn't think Mickey could look after Ian on his own, and Mickey hadn't wanted to fight them. But at the end of the day none of them were getting any privacy at their homes so getting their own place had ended up being a necessity.
Ian loved that they had their own space now. Something about it showed they were starting a life together and Ian loved his boyfriend so much he was looking forward to spending his days with him. Truth be told when he had been pronounced blind his first thought had been that he would be single for the rest of his life. So when three years ago he'd decided to be bold and hit on a stranger who's sexuality he didn't even know, it had taken balls. But Mickey had said yes and here they were.
"Okay, I'm done. What do you need?"
"Cant find the remote."
He hears movement and then feels Mickey hold his hand and place the plastic on it. Even though he couldn't see he liked to listen to the TV.
"Thanks Mick."
Mickey kisses him on the cheek and pulls back. "Okay so, how do I look?" Mickey jokes and Ian laughs. It never gets old.
"What are you wearing?"
"It's construction so I didn't dress up or nothing. I have a brown button down and black jeans."
"It may be construction but you're gonna be the foreman." Ian points out. "And I bet you look hot."
Mickey rolls his eyes at his sweet boyfriend. "Of course you'd say that. Okay I gotta go. See you in a few?"
"Okay." Ian stands and walks towards the door.
He feels Mickey walk towards him and into his arms. Ian hugs him tightly and burries his face in Mickey's neck, inhaling his addictive scent.
"I love you, good luck."
"Thanks, love you too." Mickey pulls him in for a kiss then walks out.
Ian locks the door behind him and feels on the wall guiding himself back to the living room couch.
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Mickey gets the job and he's supposed to start the coming Monday. He passes by the grocery store to do some shopping. He has a unflattering smile on his face the entire time. He's Mr. Domestic now, with a stable boyfriend and an apartment. He is so happy sometimes he thinks he's living someone else's life.
His life is amazing.
His relationship is amazing.
His boyfriend is amazing.
Ian has this habit of shoving his nose in Mickey's cavicle and inhaling deeply. At first he had thought it was odd, but he figured Ian couldn't see, so this was his way of trying to 'see' Mickey. He claimed that he loved how he smelt, but Mickey doesn't think he smells special. All he uses is soap. He doesn't even use colone. But he had gotten used to Ian's weird tendencies. He loved the man anyway. He wouldn't be Ian without them.
Mickey looks at his cart and the only thing left is Ian's favorite cereal. He quickly grabs it and tries to hurry up so he can go home to his boyfriend.
When Mickey gets there it's 5:00PM but Ian is passed out on the couch. He bends down and kisses his cheek anyway before going to put the groceries away. He tries his best to be quiet but Ian hears him anyway.
“You're home.” Ian yawns and feels around as he walks towards the kitchen. He takes one of the stools by the counter.
“Yeah, how was your day?” Mickey asks as he boils some water for the pasta.
“Boring. Always boring without you.”
Mickey bites his lip and smiles shyly. “So fucking corny.”
“Tell me! Tell me! So did you get the job?”
“Yeah.”
“Yes!” Ian slaps the counter with both hands. “I told you you could do it.”
“Yeah, yeah you did.”
Mickey makes dinner with Ian telling him about an animation he listened to today and how sad it got at some point. He claimed it was too sad for kids to watch and Mickey found his opinion hilarious. Ian keeps him company like he always does, even when he leaves the food cooking to go take a shower. Ian sits on the toilet seat and listens as Mickey tells him about his interview.
The redhead sighs heavily. “I miss working.”
“Well, we’re seeing Edward tomorrow, right?” Edward is Ian's doctor. He nods as Mickey steps out of the shower. “Maybe we can ask him what types of jobs you can do. There has to be something. I think.”
“Mmm…” Ian hums. “You're sweet.” He stands up and walks towards Mickey where he can hear him toweling himself.
“What are you doing?” he asks Ian watching him skeptically.
“This.” Ian replies tracing Mickey's face with his fingers. He steps even closer and traces his hands lower, past his chest and stomach. He kisses Mickey briefly then he puts his nose on Mickey's clavicle and inhales the soft smell of his scent. Mickey places a hand on the red hair before Ian is dropping to his knees with no warning.
Mickey gasps in surprise when Ian sucks his half hard dick into his warm mouth.
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“This is so good.” Ian moans. “I wish I could say it's my blindness that prevents me from cooking.”
Mickey laughs. “It's not?”
“Nah… couldn’t cook before either.”
“Yeah well, lucky for you, you landed a boyfriend who can.”
“Yeah,” Ian agrees. “Lucky me.”
Mickey smiles at Ian and takes another bite of his dinner. God, he loved this man.
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By the time a month is over Ian is well versed with their new home. It doesn’t stop him from wishing there was more he could do though. It's not like the money he gets every month is that much. But Mickey insists it's okay and that they're doing fine. Ian believes him, but he just wishes he could do… more.
He's accepted he can't see, but when Mickey goes to work or when he goes through their bills. Ian wishes he could see so he could get a job and add to what Mickey is bringing in. When he mostly gets the urge though, is when he wakes up before his boyfriend. Ian would give anything to see how Mickey looks like when he's sleeping, when he's awake. How he looks like when he laughs or smiles. Basically how he looks like at all.
All Ian knows is that his eyes are blue and that he has black hair. Mickey never gives him anything about himself. I don’t know what else you want me to say. I am bad at this description shit. Is what he always says. He of course doesn’t mind when Ian wants to touch and trace his face but that can only do so much. Ian still wants to see how Mickey looks like.
Ian bets he's gorgeous.
That’s why two months later when they leave Dr. Edward’s office Ian is happy and giddy as fuck. He can hardly contain himself.
“Did you hear him Mick? Did you hear what he said?”
“Yeah.” Mickey chuckles lightly. “I was there. I'm so happy for you Ian. What do you want to celebrate?”
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I get to see again! I get to see the sky again. I get to see the sunset, I will get to see just how grown Liam is.” Ian stops and stands in front of Mickey. He grabs both his cheeks. “I will get to see you.” He initiates a kiss that Mickey returns heartily.
Mickey pulls back to wipe the tears running down Ian's beautiful green eyes. “You get to see again.”
“I get to see again.”
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They go back to the hospital the next day to arrange a day for the surgery. Lip and Fiona join them, excited about the news. Ian can barely contain himself and keeps bouncing in place. Mickey is grinning from ear to ear, from Ian's contagious excitement. He still can't believe that Ian will get to see either and he can hardly wait.
“So…” the doctor finishes. “If you will excuse us, I would like to talk to Mr. Gallagher alone?”
“Mickey can stay. Whatever you say to me I will tell him anyway.”
Mickey glances at the doctor and then squeezes Ian's hand. “Hey, it’s okay. I’ll be right outside.” He kisses the redhead on the cheek.
Ian nods. “Okay.”
Mickey, Lip and Fiona walk out of the office and sit down at the seats outside.
“Wow Mickey, you must be excited.” Lip says.
“Ian gets to see again, of course I fucking am.”
Fiona nods. “Should you be though?”
“The fuck are you talking about?”
Fiona shrugs. “I mean, aren’t you worried he will take one look at you and be… I don’t know, disappointed?” Mickey raises a confused eyebrow but before he can say anything she continues. “Not that there’s anything wrong with you. It's just that, you guys hooked up when he was blind. Maybe when he sees again he will realize you’re not even his type. Maybe?”
Mickey swallows. “Fuck off.” he tries to snap but it sounds weak to his own ears.
Lip laughs. “C’mon, at least admit it's a possibility.”
Fiona nods. “What will you do if he doesn’t like what he sees? Will you keep dating him despite knowing he wishes he was with someone better? Again, not saying there’s anything wrong with you. I just want you to have a plan B.”
Mickey stands up angrily. “Fuck you Fiona! This is you being bitter about the fact that Ian ignored you and moved in with me! You're just fucking bitter and I'm done listening to you so shut the fuck up!” he storms off.
Fuck Fiona! And fuck Lip for sitting there and agreeing with her. They don’t know shit! Ian loves him. Ian chose him. That won't just go away when he opens his eyes and sees Mickey is less than what he would have gone for if he wasn’t blind.
“Fuck.” He sighs as he gets out of the elevator and outside the hospital.
He immediately lights a cigarette and rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands. Fuck them for making him feel inadequate.
Ian loves him. Just the way he is.
Ian loves him.
It wasn’t there. But now Mickey can't shake it off. The doubt has been planted. Ian has reassured him in the past over and over when he doubted himself that Mickey is what he loves and wants for the rest of his life. So Mickey has never had a chance to worry whether he's good enough for Ian. But as much as he hates to admit it, Ian's asshole siblings are right. No one’s to say that when Ian opens his eyes, he won't fall out of love with Mickey. Maybe his eyes will be too big. Maybe Ian won't be able to stand the shape of his body, or lips or his entire fucking face.
“There he is.” He hears Fiona’s voice behind him and he turns around.
“Mick?” Ian calls looking for him, his voice laced with worry. “Where did you go?”
Mickey throws away his cigarette and walks towards his boyfriend. He glares at Fiona and replaces her on Ian's side. “I just needed a smoke.”
“Oh, okay.” Ian says relieved.
“What did the doctor say?” Mickey asks as he guides Ian to their car.
Ian shrugs as he sits down on the passenger seat. “He just wanted to remind me that even though the surgery has a higher chance of working it could still fail. Said I shouldn’t get my hopes too high. But I can't help it Mick.” Ian touches around looking for Mickey's hand and Mickey takes it. “I just want to see what my boyfriend looks like.” he whispers. “More than anything Mickey. I want to see your beautiful blue eyes and gorgeous face.”
Mickey chews on his lower lip and looks around the parking lot. “What if… what if you get disappointed?”
“Disappointed by what?” Ian asks frowning.
Mickey lets go of his hand. “Of me Ian! Of me. What if you open your eyes and you don’t like what you see?”
“What are you talking about?”
“What if you think I'm ugly Ian? Because I'm going to tell you right now, I ain’t no Ryan fucking Gosling.”
“Mickey STOP!” Ian shouts breathing hard. “Stop it.” He repeats. “I love you. And I will love you no matter what. Shit Mickey, I don’t know how you look like and I still fell in love with you. Shouldn’t that confirm that I won't want you for your physical appearance?” Mickey doesn’t say anything but allows Ian to take his hand again. “Besides, I think you’re wrong. I think I will open my eyes and confirm what I already know.”
“And what's that?” Mickey mummers reluctantly.
“That you're the most beautiful man I will ever see.” Ian says it with a smile and watery eyes, Mickey can't help but smile back albeit sadly.
“Okay.”
“Good. Now let’s go home so I can make love to my very hot and extremely handsome boyfriend.”
This time Mickey does laugh when he starts the car.
Ian doesn’t let go of his hand once.
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Ian’s operation is scheduled for the next month and Ian fucks him daily due to his excitement. When we do it it's making love Mickey. Mickey chuckles when he thinks about how Ian would correct him if he heard his thoughts.
In all honesty Mickey is excited for his boyfriend. That talk outside the hospital that day did help reassure him a little bit, but he's still a little on edge about the whole thing.
The day of the surgery he wakes Ian up on time, helps him get ready, and drives him to the hospital. It's just Lip and Carl –thank God Fiona got held up- and Debbie arrives an hour later with Liam in tow. Today Ian is not excited, he's nervous. But Mickey is right by his side to reassure him that everything is going to be okay. He kisses him and holds his hand until the times comes and Ian is wheeled away. Mickey gives him a deep kiss one last time before Ian is taken away for his surgery.
He passes the time chatting with Carl and Debbie. Trying not to think about Ian and whether or not everything is going according to plan or not.
It's six more hours before Dr. Edwards approaches them to tell them the surgery went well and that it will be 48 hours before they can take off the bandages to see if it worked. Though he says Ian will be awake in a few hours. Mickey releases the Gallaghers and tells them he will stay with Ian until he comes to and will call Debbie with an update.
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Mickey is asleep on the chair next to Ian's bed when he hears movement from Ian. He quickly calls for a nurse to check on his boyfriend.
“How are you feeling?”
“Tired.” Ian moans. “How are you feeling?”
Mickey laughs softly and shakes his head. “I'm not the one who was under the knife man.”
“I know.” Ian smiles. “What time is it?”
Mickey pulls out his phone. “A little after two AM.”
Ian groans and leans back on the pillows the nurse fluffs up for him. When she leaves he makes space on the bed and wordlessly asks Mickey to join him. Mickey gets on the bed and lies on Ian's chest. The latter kisses his hair before inhaling deeply.
“What did the doctor say?” Ian asks softly caressing his hair.
“He said the surgery went well. Said the bandages will be taken off after two days.”
Ian sighs. “You know I love you, right?”
Mickey nods and kisses his clothed chest. “Yeah. I know.”
And that’s how they fall asleep.
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The next time Ian wakes up he's the only one on the hospital bed. He panics for a second but he calms down when he thinks Mickey could be in any number of places.
“Mickey?”
“Hey Ian.”
“Debs?”
“Yeah.”
Ian sits up. “Where’s Mickey?”
“I don’t know but…” Ian listens while Debbie goes through her bag. “He told me that he left a message for you on your phone so…” she gives him the phone after opening his voicemail.
Ian hurriedly puts the phone to his ear.
Hey Ian. I am so happy for you that the surgery went great. But umm… Okay, here’s the thing, I know you said that you would love me no matter what. But the thing is, you own my heart Ian Gallagher. So I've decided I can't be there when you open your eyes for the first time in all these years. I know you mean it and you think that you will still love me but you don’t know that for sure, Ian. And I don’t think I'm strong enough to stand there and watch you realize that you could do so much better than me. So unfortunately, this is goodbye. I'm sorry, Mickey.