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Last time Kurt checked, the atmosphere in Nuremberg was not so tense, strained, as if the city didn’t have any time to relax. Everything felt like the sensation one has after carrying something heavy on the back –and being honest, Kurt was grateful that weight had left off, but he didn’t like to think about their last years. For being fifteen, Kurt was horrified enough – he had seen things nobody should rekindle, and he knew he was fairly lucky.
Their city had never been as dangerous as others, but that didn’t mean people hadn’t vanished faster than the kids of his class when the bell rang at school. The streets used to be full of people chatting and walking, but now everything was deserted, except for the children who played football, not aware of the old people worries. Kurt didn’t enjoy sports as much as those kids, and lately his father was often busy –covered in work and bills– so he had become a really lonely boy. His favorite thing to do was going for a walk. There was a pretty beautiful forest at the end of the river Pegnitz; and while listening to the crunch of the leaves, he wandered and singed something to himself, waiting for the day everything came back to normal.
But that day, Kurt wasn’t bored nor in the mood to talking to his dad – he was sad, really sad. He had left home without eating anything, he just threw his backpack across his bedroom and didn’t bother to change clothes (as he had realized minutes later). He liked to take off his uniform, and put on some fancier clothes like his favorite jacket or even a bowtie, but staying at home didn’t seem the best idea that Wednesday.
When he had woken up that morning, his father had already left, but that wasn’t the worst thing. Someone was waiting for him outside home. There were three tall, big boys, the same ones who called him horrible names and tossed him even though they were one or two years older and a lot of inches taller. Kurt hated them, but for some reason he didn’t understand, the feeling was mutual. He had to wait inside so he arrived really late to class, and Mr. Kohl made him stay almost one hour cleaning the classroom while everyone left.
That Sunday it was going to be 6 years since his mother had left them, and dad didn’t seem to care. Kurt knew that their economy was a bit uptight, but he wanted to spend at least one day with his dad. They could do some of the usual stuff they enjoyed together, like working at his father’s garage –Kurt enjoyed it a lot, it made him feel proud of himself when a car was finished-, they could talk about mum, or even… spend a few minutes hugging each other. Kurt always felt a bit embarrassed when he found himself thinking about that, but he missed it. He missed when his dad held his hand…
“I miss it so fucking much” Kurt lifted his head, his eyes defying whoever could call on him for saying fuck. But he was alone, again.
A few minutes later, he reached Amelia’s spot. Amelia’s spot was near the river, exactly in the part where the fence that surrounded the river was rusty and broken. There were often a few little, light pink flowers covering the corroded rail, probably reminders of the sweet girl that once jumped into the river –his family disappeared while she was picking apples. Kurt was six years younger than her, but they had become good friends before everything happened.
When Kurt was ten years old, he saw her for the last time.
Kurt bent down to see the beautiful flowers, he liked them. He picked one before sitting at the edge of the river, where the fence was broken, and looked at the water flowing out of sight. He’d never thought of jumping, even if sometimes everything felt like too much, he knew that life had good things too and he wanted to fight, even if he was tired of doing it. Kurt breathed deeply and tried to relax his sore back –he was starting to feel a bit more serene, sound of the water dancing through his senses, breeze caressing his temples, and he put his hand over the steel bar.
“Hey, no, what are you doing?” Another hand covered Kurt’s, gripping him tight. Kurt looked at the voice, startled. He opened his eyes and there was him. Flushed cheeks and big, warm, watered eyes looking at Kurt. His dark hair was covered in a layer of hair gel, but some curls were freeing of their prison.
“I’m not jumping, don’t worry” Kurt tried to laugh the awkward off, but this boy kept looking at him and he couldn’t bring himself to look away either. Also his hand was still clasped between the railing and the big eyes boy’s hand.
Blaine helped him to get up from the ground in silence –Kurt felt the warm of this boy’s hand run across his body, and something inside him just... clicked.
“My name’s Blaine” Kurt felt his cheeks warming. This boy, Blaine, was dressed in an elegant school uniform –he knew the school, he often walked past the big building. It was a really expensive school where only rich parent’s sons attended, as his father had told him.
“Kurt” Both let go off their hands and looked at the ground, embarrassed. “I wasn’t going to- wait, are you crying?”
“No!” Blaine sniffed and wiped his nose using his sleeve. He didn’t look much younger than Kurt, innocent eyes looking at him beneath the arm covering his face. “Yes…”
“My mother used to say that it’s okay to cry.” Kurt smiled sadly. “I like to think she was right.”
Blaine hiccupped and a few tears rolled down his face. He was cute even when crying, but Kurt smacked himself mentally like he did when he thought those things about boys.
“Maybe a friend could help you, Blaine.” Kurt said.
“I don’t have any fri-“Blaine interrupted himself before finishing the sentence. “I think I’ll continue my walk… Do you want to come?”
“Yeah, that‘d be nice” Kurt was going to go to the forest too, and this boy didn’t look at him like the ones at his school.
They walked silently a few minutes, Kurt being the first one to talk when they reached the forest.
“I don’t have friends either, Blaine. I don’t know what is happening to you, but I’m having a hard time too and… I don’t like being alone, so –it probably sound stupid- but you can talk to me.” Kurt said, voice trembling a bit. He didn’t know the boy but at least if they felt alone they could talk to each other. Amelia was all alone when she jumped.
“Do you know what is happening right now at Nuremberg, Kurt?” Blaine asked, quietly.
“I know war is over… and they are… judging people or something.” Kurt was not into politics, being honest. He was just a kid, after all, he said to himself.
“They are judging Nazis, Kurt. They are going to put them at jail, I suppose.” Blaine turned serious and those big, hazel eyes made him look at least ten years older. “I’m going to lose my dad. And I’m - I’m supposed to feel sad, but I can’t feel anything at all and I don’t know what to think, what… what am I supposed to think, Kurt?”
Blaine’s voice broke again and Kurt started to feel dizzy, so he obliged himself to sit down. Both fell silent; what was he supposed to say?
“Six- six years ago I lost my mum. At first I felt horrible, and I refused to eat anything, my dad was worried… Now I feel better, but it is still hard, being honest. What I’m trying to say, is-”
“That’s why you were sad? I thought you were going to jump because you looked like you wanted to.” Kurt ignored the fact Blaine had interrupted him. Blaine sat down too; colorful leaves rustling under his weight and dust covering his black, expensive school shoes, and took Kurt’s hand. Kurt held his breath for a few seconds.
“Why do you trust me?” Kurt asked softly. Why don’t you call me names?
“Why not?” He said back. “You seem nice, you haven’t… you haven’t laughed at me. When I took your hand, you didn’t squirm nor flinch as…”
“If you had some kind of disease” Kurt finished the sentence – he was familiar to that sensation, and neither he nor Blaine needed any proof to know that they were both victims.
Before realizing it, he felt a few tears streaming down his face. Kurt was crying, and he couldn’t stop it. Blaine offered him his used, wet handkerchief and squeezed his hand, until the remainders of Kurt’s small breakdown seemed to have gone with the wind. It was nice, for once, being held.
“Our lives are so fucked up” Kurt hiccupped. “Don’t you think?”
“I want to run, I want to run and take a train to somewhere I can have adventures. I love reading and I sometimes read about boys who are not afraid to run away, to love, to live, to be themselves. I need to be like them.” Blaine got up and lifted Kurt in one go. Blaine glanced at him, and just looking at Kurt’s eyes, he knew he was the one he was going to ask his deepest secret.
“Blaine, no…”
“Run with me, please?”
Everything sounded like a wild storm, each word attracting Kurt like a mermaid to a sailor, and Blaine’s hopeful eyes didn’t help in any way.
“No…” He said in a breathless whisper. The time stopped, and silence fell around them. Of course he wanted to, but they just couldn’t, it was wrong in so many ways. “And yes. We will run, Blaine. But promise me; promise me we will come back to our houses right now. Promise me we will face our demons, and we will graduate from school. Promise me you will be a fighter and I’ll help you as much as I can while your father is being judged, and promise me, for everything you know, Blaine, that we will keep meeting everyday where we met earlier. We will say goodbye. And then we will run, together, wherever we want. We will have adventures, we will find love, and we will live. Promise me, Blaine, we will run.”
And when Kurt’s rambling faded away, between the light gray trunks, like the fog after a windy day, they didn’t need any more words.
They sealed the deal with a hug; the naked trees being the only witnesses of the promise that was never broken, not even when Blaine’s father went to jail, not even when Burt could pay attention to his son again, and not even when both confessed, nervous, breathless, and afraid of the answer, that they were in love with each other. That they always had been.