Chapter Text
It doesn’t take a lot of strength to hang on, it takes a lot of strength to let go
– J.C. Watts
~
Catelyn got out of the shower, feeling warm and refreshed. She still had rollers in her hair as she opened the closet to look for an outfit. Something nice, but casual. Its casual. Just two friends having dinner, she told herself for the thousandth time, ignoring that her heart suddenly started beating faster. My heart is beating faster because I just got out of a hot shower. It's fine.
She was still adjusting to her new life in Wintertown, her apartment was a cozy place on the edge of the city. Perfect for commute to and from work, it was peaceful and quiet. It had nothing to do with the apartment building two blocks down the road that she had recognized immediately. Or so she’d told herself. It had obviously been a lie, a vain attempt to ward off desperate thoughts that had started emerging since she’d set foot in Wintertown. Not that she believed those lies, but they weren’t so different from all the other lies she'd told herself for the last six years. Sighing, she slowly started taking the rollers out of her hair as her mind wandered.
Jory had picked her up at the airport, he’d greeted her with a wide smile, hugging her tightly and spinning her around with glee. They’d been in touch for the longest time. He had been the only tether she had to Wintertown all these years. She had no contact with anyone for the first couple of years as she had been too focused on her family. But a few years ago Jory had showed up at Riverrun for a conference and called her, so she’d met up with him. She sorely needed a friend at the time and they’d kept in touch after that. So when Jory had offered to pick her up at the airport and help her settle in, she’d been quite happy. It was good to know someone in this cold place; someone she could actually contact.
After six years of radio silence she didn’t think ringing him like nothing had passed between them would be a good idea. Yet, ever since she had moved here and met Jory, she'd stopped herself many times from mentioning him. Barging into his life after six years was the last thing she wanted to do. What if he had met someone else? He deserved a chance to have a happy life with someone. Even if she’d waited all this time for him. And it was unrealistic to wish he'd waited six years for her. No matter what he’d said. She didn't know if he was with someone else, and she didn't have the strength to ask Jory about it.
Catelyn picked a simple blue sweater dress she owned. It was casual enough and it brought out the blue in her eyes. Then she put on her necklace, as always, and her gaze dropped to the white gold pendant resting between her collarbone, the metal gently cooling the skin beneath it. She traced the love knot on it and the single sapphire in the middle - he had bought it for her as a parting gift, and she had worn it everyday since, it had become a talisman for her. It was the only thing that tethered her to him, the only thing that reminded her of what they once had between them - what she still felt. Even from far away, even when she hadn’t spoken to him for years, what she felt for him remained intact. She shook her head and moved to open the drapes on the nearest window slightly to see what she would have to drive in soon. Everything was covered in snow when it had just been clear a couple of hours ago. Of course , she thought sullenly. There was a light snowfall too, she hoped it stopped soon.
“At least the roads are clear,” she muttered to herself, absentmindedly tracing the knots on the pendant, then started getting ready. That was the good thing about Wintertown, the people were never phased by the weather, no matter how bad it got. Life carried on as usual. She put on her coat and gloves, then headed out. She was excited and anxious at the same time. The date-- no, not date, meetup, she chided herself. The meetup had been scheduled by accident; sort of.
When Jory had helped her move into her new apartment she'd asked about the Starks in general and he'd given her a soft smile and only said “they are all good”. She had been disappointed by the vagueness, but it wasn’t her place to pry, so she had dropped the subject. Then after some time while sorting books in her bookshelf Jory sneakily mentioned that after taking over Stark Corporation he had moved back to the Stark Estate and that he went to a cafe - that was two blocks away from her apartment - before and after work. So a few days later, she had visited the place to see if he’d show up. He hadn’t, so she had gone back the next day with an excuse that the cafe was secluded, had good coffee, and a nice ambience to read a book. Days went by, then a week ago, she had finally seen him.
Catelyn walked in the cafe and ordered her coffee. The barista gave her a smile and asked “The usual, hon?”
Catelyn smiled back, “Yes, Mocha with light whipped cream please.” She took a seat near the window next to the door, as usual. She was sure at this point she was being silly to think he would be there, but she could always try. And the coffee was good, so it helped. She relaxed for a while looking down at the book she was reading, just when she was about to finish her coffee and go home feeling vaguely disappointed, she heard the barista greet someone.
“ One London Fog, extra foam, and two sugars - to go, please.” The man said in a deep, calm yet tired voice, she felt her heart clench and goosebumps washed over her. She would know that voice anywhere, it sounded slightly deeper, wiser, older. And his order almost made her smile.
“ The usual, coming right up.” The barista answered, much like she’d said it to Catelyn.
Catelyn turned to look at him, he was standing with his back to her, but it was him. He waited with his hands in his suit pockets, looking down at his feet and then murmured his thanks when the barista handed him the drink. Catelyn hadn't realized she was on her feet and inching towards him, when he turned her heart started beating much faster and when he looked at her it stopped completely for a moment.
He stared at her for a long moment like he was looking at a ghost. He stood still as a rock. Hair swept backwards in a classic do, dark circles and bags under his eyes - he looked tired. His eyes softened with a mixture of joy, disbelief and something akin to hope. She blinked away the tears in her eyes as he slowly took a step towards her. Everything she'd bottled up for the last six years flooded in her mind all at once. Every fear, every hope, every desperate feeling of longing for him engulfed her as she looked into his eyes now, and she wanted nothing but to melt into him and forget everything else. And hope, most of all, she let herself hope for a moment that she wasn't too late, that there was still a chance. His face remained shocked as he slowly walked to her and when she took a step towards him, her arms inadvertently reached to hold him. She didn't know who closed the distance, but within a moment they were in each other's embrace. Holding on like their life depended on it.
“Ned.” She whispered in his shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent of him.
“God, Cat!” he exhaled shakily, holding her tightly.
She smiled remembering that day. They'd talked for a while in that cafe, he'd given her one of his beautiful smiles when she mentioned meeting again to catch up and he had invited her over at the Stark Mansion for dinner. And after exchanging numbers, they'd walked in opposite directions. But he remained on her mind, even more than he used to be. It seems having seen him again reminded her, more deeply, of every single thing she'd missed about him. She'd never thought it was possible to be so consumed by thoughts about someone, yet here she was, making sure she looked good for an ex lover from about six years ago. He was so much more than that though, all those thoughts were flooding in her mind now. She still chided herself for being so typical, but looked in the mirror nonetheless before starting the car.
She drove towards her destination, mindful of residual snow on the roads. Idly wondering if she would ever get used to driving here. Her lane was clear as it was Friday night and everyone was heading to the city and not away from it. The sun was setting, making the heaps of snow on either sides of the highway glisten in the evening light. The trees looked like sharp daggers in the snow. She begrudgingly accepted that in spite of the pain of northern winters, there was nothing more beautiful than them and drove on, her mind wandering back to the man she was going to meet after years. Her feelings overwhelming her as she closed the distance between them.
Duties and responsibilities had ripped them apart, but her love for him had not faded in the years. She remembered countless days in Riverrun when she had to stop herself from calling him. Lysa sometimes read her news from Wintertown - she’d been quite bitter after the entire ordeal with Petyr, and she had trouble being kind to people around her. It bothered Catelyn, but she also pitied Lysa. After all her sister had been through, Catelyn couldn’t imagine how she was feeling. But the news her sister told her sometimes would leave her restless. She remembered wanting to take a few days off after father had returned to work. Just a few days and I’ll be back , she would tell herself. I just need to see him, to know he is okay. After she’d heard about Brandon and Rickard, if it hadn’t been for Lysa’s condition, she would’ve been on the next plane to Wintertown to help him. She had even made plans of dividing time between Wintertown and Riverrun so she could be there for both her family and him. But then Lysa’s health had worsened and she had stayed.
She thought about the dark days when everything was grim, and she held on to the pendant resting against her collarbone and what it represented - a silent promise. In those days, it became a sign of desperate hope that he would keep his promise, he always kept his promises .
There were days when she was selfish, when she didn’t want him to move on. She would feel terrible that a part of her wanted to remind him of her existence, so he wouldn’t forget her and find someone else. She wanted him to be hers and hers alone, she would get angry at herself and at him for not holding on to what they had, for giving up on each other, and she would weep with longing. Those days she hated herself for being selfish and bitter, and didn’t stop herself from missing him terribly. Then there were days when she simply wanted to sleep in his arms for a long time. To forget all the pain and suffering that befell his and her family, to feel safe and certain for just a little while. But she couldn’t abandon her family. She wouldn’t.
Family, Duty, Honour.
There were days when she was sure she could never return. She shuddered, as if to shirk away the thoughts of those dark days. In all those days, he remained in the back of her mind. Ever so present. His presence grounded her, encouraged her, loved her . That had been her solace most days and nights. No matter what happened now, it wouldn’t change how she felt. She couldn’t help but think about all the news and rumours Lysa had told her, but she tried not to linger on them. She couldn’t expect anything from him. It's just dinner, just dinner, she repeated to herself like a mantra.
Soon, she was driving into the posh neighbourhood, making her way atop the biggest and most secluded area of the place. As the Stark estate appeared on the horizon, her heart started beating faster. Catelyn still recalled the first time she’d met him here . . .
Catelyn looked around the majestic living room. The Stark mansion was much bigger than the Tully manor, and her home wasn't exactly small. But it is much colder here, she thought to herself and moved closer to the hearth. She rubbed her hands together but the chill had already reached her bones. Her fingers were icy cold, and she shivered slightly. Inadvertently she pulled at the sweater Lyanna had draped on the high back chair she sat on. She wrapped her small form in the sweater with rather broad shoulders. It isn't so warm but it will do, she thought. After a moment she deduced for sure that it didn't belong to Brandon. He was simply too tall for it. And too stubborn to wear a sweater. She was relieved, because she had no wish of having him find her wearing his sweater as given the chance he still acted bitter towards her, even after six months, she didn’t wish to give him any more incentive. Their break up hadn’t been messy, but it hadn’t been particularly amicable either. He’d expected her to understand his sleeping around since she hadn’t put out yet. She sighed and shook her head not wanting to think of things that made her angry, it was all done and she didn’t want to drudge up the past. Knowing her brother’s passive aggressive behaviour, Lyanna wouldn’t offer her his sweater. Perhaps it was Rickard’s or her other brother’s - the one she hadn’t met yet. Either way, it was warming her slowly so she stopped thinking about it.
Catelyn looked out at the snowfall through the large windows. The snow storm had gotten worse. She bit her lip, wondering what would've happened if Lyanna hadn't shown up to pick her up on the bus stop. The snow had started falling quite heavily by the time Catelyn had left the library. It had already been quite late and the snow piled high enough that she could barely walk without tripping and falling face first into it. So she had known the frequency of the buses would be quite slow. The one time she'd decided to take the bus instead of her car, she sighed. But she'd still waited for an hour when she’d stopped feeling her toes and that had broken her resolve, causing her to finally call Lyanna for help. The Starks lived not too far from the library and Lyanna had rescued her from being buried alive in snow. She'd hopped in the shower right away and Lyanna had given her spare clothes so she could crash at the Stark Mansion for the night. She promised to drop her first thing in the morning after the snow ploughs did their work.
Unfortunately, since she was still used to pulling all nighters for school work, her sleep was pretty much screwed and she would likely be up all night. So after twisting and turning in bed, she’d finally gotten up and moved to the parlour. She didn’t wish to turn on the telly in case it disturbed the rest of them, so she’d read a book for a while and now she just sat staring at the fire waiting for the sun to come up.
Only seven and a half hours to go… she counted.
The sweater coupled with the warmth radiating from the hearth caused the feeling to return to her fingers. When Lyanna had draped the sweater on the high back chair for Catelyn, she'd rolled her eyes but damn it, Lyanna had been right. This house temperature was set low since everyone that lived here was bloody carved out of ice. Just then a deep voice emerged from the hallway, piercing the silence and she jumped as it was quite late, and everybody was asleep, as far as she knew.
“My closet looks like a bomb went off in it. Shirts scattered on the bed, the room is a mess!! What the hell, Lya?!-- You're not Lya.” The man exclaimed at the end of his rant and stared at her with a mixture of shock and embarrassment and Catelyn took that moment to let her heartbeat normalize.
“Nope,” she managed to say as she silently looked at the man in front of her that looked very much like Lyanna. She'd met Benjen, so this one must be Eddard, she thought. He had a slight scowl on his face that was slowly waning at the realization that she was indeed not Lyanna. His hair was wet and swept back, his eyes were grey as the winter's sky. They shone like steel as the light from the hearth danced on his face. His eyes softened immediately and he just looked at her for a long while. His eyes were focused not on her eyes but to her left, she turned to look at the hearth and then back at him with her eyebrows raised.
It seemed to shake his trance and he sheepishly ran a hand through his hair and then quickly wiped it on his shirt. “I'm sorry, I'm Eddard. Ned. Ned Stark.”
“Catelyn. Tully.” she said.
“Tully? Oh. Right. . . uh,” he looked back to the staircase, cringing slightly. “You are here because. . .” he added tentatively and trailed off.
And she suddenly realized where his thoughts went after finding her awake so late in his home, wearing a man’s sweater, so she quickly added, “. . .of Lyanna! She brought me here. I live on the other side of town and it wasn't possible to get there in...that.” She gestured towards the huge layer of snow on the window sill. A part of her felt cold just looking at it. She wondered what the sight would be like in the morning. Lyanna's brother just looked vaguely uncomfortable, a distinct expression she’d seen on Lyanna a few times and she wondered how much he knew about her and Brandon.
“I guess you know about what happened with me and Brandon.” They'd only dated for more or less eight months. From the look on Eddard’s face, it was clear he knew the story.
“Yes. I mean, no. My dad told us when you first moved here, but yeah I know about what happened with you and Brandon too. But that's not.... I....” he sighed. “Look, can we start over?”
“Sure,” she smiled. Looking at his expression she felt bad for him.
He outstretched his hand, “Eddard Stark. But everyone calls me Ned.”
She shook it, still smiling, “Catelyn Tully. My family and friends call me Cat.”
“Nice to meet you, Catelyn.” He said almost formally. “And if you could forget my little outburst before, it would save me a lot of embarrassment.”
She laughed, “Of course.”
He sighed in relief, “Thank you,” he answered solemnly. He seemed so different from the rest of them, she thought idly. When Rickard first introduced her to most of his family, - back when he said Eddard hadn't finished some internship he was doing somewhere in the south, - Lyanna had smirked at her then wandered off to talk to a friend. Brandon had introduced himself with a charming smile while leering at her before wandering off with a dark haired woman. Benjen had smiled at her brightly, but enthusiastically asked about her brother when she'd told him Edmure loved some video game he mentioned, then even he had wandered off to play with his gameboy. But this was the first time one of the Stark siblings looked straight in her eyes and formally introduced himself, and stayed.
“I didn't see you at the party at the beginning of last year.” She said, noticing how his eyes remained on hers the entire time, not wandering for even a second.
“No, I was still finishing up my internship in Vale.” Vale! That's where he was, working with Jon Arryn. She motioned towards the chair in front of her, he sat down.
“You study with my sister?” he asked.
“No, but we have some electives together. It's where we became friends.”
“And you give her notes, don’t you?” he asked, eyes sparkling with mirth.
“Yes, I give her notes.” She laughed, it seems she hadn’t been the only one wondering why Lyanna missed many of her classes. She didn’t exactly approve of it, but Lyanna was a good friend, and one of the few friends she had. She didn’t wish to lose her over a few notes, and it was just an elective class, so she didn’t think as much about it. Although there were times she wondered if the notes were the only reason Lyanna spent time with her.
“She cares about you, you know.” She looked up at Eddard’s words, wondering if she’d thought out loud.
“My sister. She cares about you. She’s not much for studying, the only reason she’s doing it is so our father won’t lecture her about education, duties and responsibilities anymore. And she doesn’t have as many friends, she can be a bit selfish sometimes but she has a good heart. So thanks for helping her out and for being there for her.” He looked truly grateful and sincere.
Catelyn appreciated the raw honesty in his eyes and his words, and she smiled. “She does. She’s a good friend.”
“You know you don't have to stay awake with me. I've been pull all nighters these last few days which is why I am wide awake at this time in the night.” She said after awhile, she didn’t wish to keep him if he was sleepy.
“So have I, actually. My paperwork is done, but my sleep is still screwed.”
“Paperwork?” she asked.
“Oh, I joined Stark Corporation this year. I've been bringing work home for the past week or so, since my dad is on a business trip. So I’ve been staying up, but now the work is done and my sleep schedule is ruined. If you want to be alone...” he started to get up.
“No, no, please sit,” she added quickly with a smile, so he knew she meant it.
He gave her a hint of a smile and silently looked at the fire for a long moment. He seemed comfortable to be silent. The wind whistled outside and she snuggled in the sweater, looking at the dying firelight. She saw him glance at it and then her sweater briefly.
“Are you cold?” He asked, almost confused.
“Yes, I'm from the south.” Catelyn answered, defiantly, expecting him to laugh and tease her about it like everyone else did. But instead he got up, put more wood in the fireplace and stoked the flames. Catelyn instantly felt better as the warmth licked at her face. She sighed and murmured her thanks. Catelyn suddenly realized whose sweater she was clutching on to. “This is yours, I presume.”
Ned gave her a rather adorable lopsided grin, “Yeah, but you can keep it. You need it more than I do.”
He still snuck glances at her shoulder and a she looked at it to see if there was something on it.
Ned looked down sheepishly, “I'm sorry, your hair is...it’s...” he trailed off looking like he didn't know how to say it.
Ah, he was looking at her hair then. She didn't know what it was with northerners and auburn hair. Even some people she met in University talked about it. She ignored random students yelling out comments about her hair sometimes, but in response to some of the vulgar comments she would glare but let it go. People seemed oddly curious about the colour. Women with auburn hair were not as common here, she supposed.
“It's red?” she supplied assuming Ned was looking for a word to describe it. It bothered her when people called her that sometimes, but her hair was red - well, dark auburn, but in the red family - so she couldn't exactly blame them for the obvious nickname. She'd heard it enough times already. But much to her surprise, Ned just shook his head.
“It's beautiful. It's more like dark auburn, and it is glowing so much in the firelight that it looks like fire. It's really quite beautiful.” He looked deeply in her eyes when he said the last part.
There was no mirth in his eyes. No lust. She didn't feel bare or uncomfortable. He was genuinely giving her a compliment. “Thanks..” she replied quietly, unable to tear her gaze away from his.
Then he suddenly looked abashed. “ I'm sorry, that was out of line and a bit creepy... I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable,” he added quickly, leaning away from her.
“No, I'm not. I'm flattered, really. Don't worry.” she added quickly. That seemed to relax him.
“Alright. But for what it's worth, I meant it.” He added softly, with a small smile.
Catelyn found herself smiling at this solemn man. There was something about him that intrigued her. ‘Sweet Ned’ is what Lyanna called him whenever she spoke of him - which was a lot. Now Catelyn was starting to realize why.
“Tell me about yourself, Eddard,” She said, sitting back. If she was going to be up all night, she was glad to have company.
That was so long ago, yet the memory was still so fresh in her mind. They'd talked for hours that night. Getting to know each other, and they’d figured out just how well they got along and how similar their tastes were. He'd then made her mocha with whipped cream and she'd made him a london fog, and they'd talked some more.
But along with the happy memory, she couldn’t stop herself from remembering the day she’d realized she had to break it off with him and leave. She had only just begun dreaming about marrying this man when she had to break his heart completely, she had known she was leaving hers behind with him. But it had broken her to see the realization of the inevitable on his face.
“You have to let me go, Ned. Forget about me. Live your life. Be happy....please, for me!” Catelyn choked out in between sniffles, Ned stood in front of her still as a rock as he looked at her helplessly.
“No.” He said in a clear voice.
“You can't Iive like that Ned! I don't know how long this will take or if I will ever return. Can’t you understand that?” she asked, infuriated.
“Could you forget me on a whim, Catelyn?” he snapped, “If you can, I do hope you find happiness, Cat, you deserve everything in the world. But I can't forget you. I won't.” There were no accusations or venom in his tone, just hurt. And even as it angered her to see he thought her love so fickle that she would get in the bed with the next southerner she saw, it also broke her heart to see how much it tore at him to wish she loved someone else and found happiness even if it was not with him.
“Of course I could not,” she whispered hoarsely. “How can you even ask me that?”
“How can you ask me that? How can you expect me to forget you like that Catelyn?” he challenged.
“It will take time, Ned. But you will move on. I can't let you waste your life on me.” she argued helplessly.
“No.” He answered infuriatingly calmly. She sighed in frustration and took a few steps away.
“I will not force you to stay here, Cat. I will not demand that we make it work long distance, I know the situation is not that simple. Your family needs you and you need to go to them. And my family needs me. We don’t know how long you will be needed in Riverrun. But I will not move on. That is not possible,” he said, calmly.
“Ned, please. You will love, you can love again. Don’t give away your life for me, don’t be alone...”
“No, Cat!” He walked away a few paces, before turning back to her. “Don't you understand what you mean to me?” He walked closer to her, a desperate sort of plea in his eyes. “Do you think my love for you is so weak that something as trivial as distance will erase it? Nothing can erase how I feel for you, Cat. You are everything to me, my love....you...” his voice broke towards the end and he looked at her helplessly, trying to expressing everything with his eyes as he always did. Fresh tears spilled from her eyes as she saw the outpouring of love in them and his endearment brought a fresh wave of tears. It weakened her resolve, but she had to be strong. She couldn't let him waste his life on her, she just couldn't. He continued, “.... you always will be the only one I want and need. Nothing will change that. If you don't want me in your life anymore, I won’t bother you. I just want you to be happy, Cat. Maybe you will find someone back in Riverrun, maybe you'll move on. And that's okay. But don't ask me to forgot you Catelyn. I will not. I can't ever stop loving you. I won't.”
Dread filled her when he spoke of her moving on. How could she? How was she supposed to walk away from him....“Don't you see? If you want me to be happy why I wouldn't want the same thing? I want you to be happy. I want you to get on with your life. You'll find someone, it will work out.”
“No,” He said again, clearer. “I don’t know if it will work out. But I know, I have no interest in other women. You are my happiness, Cat.”
“And you are mine, but I don't know if I will ever return Ned...I DONT! What are we supposed to do?! Tell me because I don't know what else to do! What happens when I’m gone and you're here...alone. What happens if decades pass and nothing changes. I don't want that....I can't imagine a life like that for you..I don't know what else to do....” She countered and broke down in tears.
Ned pulled her close. She cried in his chest, for what would be the last time she would likely see him. She pulled him closer, relishing his warmth one last time. He was willing to give up his life loving her while still expecting her to live her life and meet someone else, fall in love and have a life. She was not going to let him waste his life on her. She couldn't live with herself. “We do what we must, my love. We do our duties. And if in the future things work out, and you wish to return, I'll be here.”
He'll move on, she told herself. He'll forget me. There was a possibility she had to take over her father's business, and Ned needed to be on his father’s side after he returned from the hospital, and Brandon returned from rehab. And their duties were a thousand miles away from each other. She could feel by Ned's grip on her that he knew it himself. She felt a slight tremble.
“I'll wait.” He kissed her forehead. She had no strength to fight anymore. “You are everything to me, Catelyn. I love you with all my heart. And I always will. I promise you that,” he whispered in her hair.
“I love you too, Ned. Always.”
One last day. She told herself. Let me have this one last day, tomorrow I will be stronger.
The gate opened as her car approached it, as she drove in she saw the garage open as well, she parked and took a last look at herself. She tousled her hair another time, so it fell properly over her shoulders. He loved my hair. I wonder if he still does after all these years. She walked all the way to the front door. Her heart started pounding, goosebumps raised up on her skin as she stood in front of the door. She took a deep breath and raised her hand to knock. Calm down, Catelyn Tully. You're going to be fine. It's just dinner. Just dinner. Just two friends....catching up. That's it. That.is.all. The door opened before she could, all the false reassurances died on her lips. And all of her strength went into not tackling him... again. He looked breathless as well.
“Ned,” she said, thankful that her voice didn’t break.
He stared right into her eyes just like he always did. His warm grey eyes that could see her soul, a wide smile on his face, and her heart skipped a beat at the sight. “Cat,” he replied simply. He wore a long sleeved grey sweater – she wondered if he wore it to set off his eyes; his eyes were glowing. “Come in,” he said.
She walked in the hallway, Ned gently took off her coat. She relaxed as warmth engulfed her inside. The house was just as she’d remembered it. A distinct rustic and warm feel to it. Mild smell of woodsmoke in the air, she could hear the fire crackling in the other room. Everything was the in the same place as she’s last seen it. Except for the emptiness and darkness in all the rooms apart from the parlour and the kitchen that were bathed in a soft warm glow. She walked in the parlour, much like the first time she’d seen Ned here, there was a fire in the hearth and snow falling outside. There was a small table set up in the corner for them - it was cozy. She smiled at that, as the enormous mahogany dining table was too big for just two people to dine on.
She turned to face Ned, firelight making his beautiful face glow, his eyes shining like steel but she noticed the dark circles and the lines on them. He was much too young for that. But neither of their lives had been easier for the last six years. She stifled the urge to reach out and touch his cheek. He looked at her silently, as if he was afraid she would disappear. They both stood quietly, taking the reality of actually standing in front of each other after years, and her heartbeat accelerated.
“So...um....how.. how was today...I mean, how was your day?” Geez Tully remember how to speak already.
“Not bad, actually. Yours?” he asked.
“Pretty good.” She smiled.
His eyes rested on the pendant on her collarbone and his eyes softened further. Unbidden, the memory of the last time she'd seen him six years ago flooded her mind.
“Here, I got you something. I bought it a while ago, I was going to give it to you for your birthday, but...” He trailed off, his hands clasping hers tightly. She was boarding her flight soon, she decided to go ahead with her carry on and Uncle Brynden said he'd have someone move her things to Riverrun over time. But they needed her there soon, and that had scared her.
Catelyn opened the tiny square box to see necklace with a pendant of an elegant knot that had a single sparkling sapphire in the middle– a love knot. She smiled through the tears, remembering the time she'd told him of her Celtic heritage. “Thanks, it's beautiful,” she said and asked him to help her put it on.
When she turned around his eyes were firm, “It's a promise, Cat. No matter what, if you ever wish to come back to me, I'll be here.”
“Ned...” she bit her lip. “Promise me you'll find some happiness.”
“Your happiness is my happiness,” He answered calmly. She shook her head, there was no point in arguing with him when they only had a few moments left. And suddenly the reality crashed on her and it knocked the breath out of her.
“I don't know how to do this, Ned,” Catelyn choked out. She wasn't left speechless many times, she'd told herself to be strong, but walking away from this....she needed to do it before it was too much. “Kiss me, one last time. Please,” she pleaded.
His resolve broke then, and the fear that this may well be their last time returned in his eyes as Ned gave her a sad smile, holding her face with his hands and kissing her deeply. The kiss spoke of the longing, the sadness and most importantly his unwavering love for her. His hands were in her hair on her waist, pulling her to him and she pulled him to her. She held onto him tightly, not wanting to let go. He broke the kiss too soon, but the last call to board the plane was for her. They stood there for a moment longer, foreheads touching when he spoke, “I love you, Catelyn. And I promise you I will wait.”
“Be happy, Ned.” She urged one last time, “I love you,” pulled away and walked to board the plane all the while looking back at him as he stared at her with wide puppy eyes. When she saw his face one last time before heading to the plane, she whispered to herself, “Always.” As much as she wanted him to be happy and move on. She knew for certain she wouldn't. He’d promised to wait, and his words rang in her mind one last time as the plane took off. And she clutched on to the love knot pendant resting against her heart and a part of her desperately held onto his promise and hoped he wouldn't get tired of waiting.
Now six years later, as she looked at him gazing softly at the pendant, Catelyn thought she saw a glimmer of hope, and she wondered if she wasn’t late after all.
~
I pull you close, so much to lose knowing that nothing lasts forever
I didn't care before you were here. I danced in laughter with the ever after
But all things change. Let this remain.
- Pearl Jam, Sirens