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Johns went for the blade but Riddick caught his wrist. How many times did he have to hit his lover for him to wake the hell up? The dope… Everything was the dope’s fault. Once Johns had started on that shit, he’d changed. When he shot up, he wasn’t the Johns he knew and loved. The convict supposed that was his fault as well then. He had been the one to put that shiv by his spine after all.
Still, he couldn’t give up on this man. He grunted, attempting to take control of the blade. “Remember that moment?” Riddick asked, meeting his lover’s gaze. He wasn’t referring to the taunt Johns had thrown his way after shooting his chains off, but of that first time together, the moment they had stopped dancing around each other to let their feelings be known.
He flipped Johns off him, following the motion to slide across the blonde’s back and snag the blade before coming to his feet. As Johns popped to his feet, Riddick lashed out in anger, slicing open his shoulder. “Shouldda never taken the chains off Johns!” he yelled at him, while the blonde struggled on the ground in pain, trying to reach his gun.
Please just wake up! Riddick silently pleaded. When the blonde snatched the gun, rolling onto his back, the convict was instinctively backing into the shadows. “You were a brave fuck before,” Riddick reminded him. “Billy Badass.”
Johns didn’t even react to the old nickname, continuing to load the shotgun before struggling to his feet. He pointed it in Riddick’s general direction, but the light didn’t penetrate the darkness very well. Light! It was only then Riddick realized the flare had gone out. They were in the dark, and Johns was bleeding.
It didn’t take long for the monsters to descend, one screeching through the sky and knocking the merc off his feet. “Johns!” Riddick rushed in as Johns rolled to his feet, eyes scanning the darkness. At his back, Riddick was watching as well, trying to figure a way back to the group, back to the light.
He heard the pump of the shotgun, the sidestep, the little intake of breath. Riddick spun, right as the shotgun jammed, right as the talon pierced Johns’ chest. Acting on instinct, Riddick rushed forward, slicing through the creature’s throat. The monster fell over dead, taking the merc to the ground with it.
“Billy…” he whispered, kneeling next to him. “I got you.” He held onto the blonde’s shoulder, grabbing the talon with the other, ready to pull it out when Johns moaned.
“No,” he managed, grabbing Riddick’s wrist. He shook his head, meeting his eyes. “Too close to my heart.” He choked a little and Riddick watched a trickle of blood come from the corner of his mouth.
“Come on Johns,” he implored gently. “We’ll get you outta here. We’re almost there.”
Johns attempted to laugh, but it was wet sounding and he only coughed more blood. “We both know I’m done.” He took a shuddering breath. “Guess you’ll be gettin’ that bigger piece of bait.”
Riddick cursed, burrowing his face into the blonde’s neck. “Damnit, Johns,” he chided. “Don’t you dare quit on me now.”
“Love you, Rid...dick…” Johns answered, the breath coming out of him on the last syllable.
“Johns!” he growled, pulling away from him. As he looked into those blue eyes though, he saw the light faded from them. William J. Johns was gone, and for the first time… Riddick cried.
* * *
Riddick awoke with a start, nearly falling out of his bed. His breathing was heavier, having seen that night over and over again in his dreams. As the years passed, they came less frequently, as did the visions, but they were no less real when they did happen.
He could remember going back to the group, about them asking where Johns was. All he had done was shake his head. When Jack had started to cry, he had snapped at her. “Don’t you cry for Johns. Don’t you dare.” Partly, he had said it because of what Johns had proposed, what had caused the fight in the first place, the suggestion to use her as bait. Mostly though, mostly it was because only he had really known the merc. It was his tears that were shed when he’d wandered off alone, trying to regroup.
Five years, five long years it had lasted. Then the Necromongers had descended on Helion Prime and in a crazy course of events he’d become their new ruler. It was a distraction. It kept the dreams away for the most part. But once he’d settled into the life among the Legion Vast they had returned.
He was walking from the Necropolis when he saw a vision in front of him. As real as could be, the blonde was walking towards him. He smiled softly before turning down another hall. Of course, as soon as Riddick tried to follow, the image had disappeared. That night, Johns had come to him in his bed, a vision he could feel. He hadn’t wanted to let him go, but Riddick wasn’t in control of his lover’s comings and goings, and so when he blinked, Johns vanished.
In anger he called Vaako to his chambers after yet another assassination attempt. He needed to go back to his home world. Maybe then, maybe he could find a way to make the shadows go away. Was that what he truly wanted though? Did he really want to forget? At the least he had to find his animal side again. He’d dulled his own edge.
The planet he was brought to though, it wasn’t home. Left for dead, it wasn’t anything new. Instead he embraced it, not just surviving but thriving. He and his jackal companion made a go of it, and Riddick felt more balanced than he had in years. If the rain hadn’t come, he could have stayed there, hidden from the rest of the world- even if he couldn’t hide from his ghosts.
* * *
The first time he came face to face with the merc, he couldn’t help but feel a pang of familiarity. Riddick looked into his eyes, pools of blue that were deep as the ocean and he knew. “You’re the father,” he said simply. Something in those eyes sparked, and he had his answer.
Things had just become more interesting. He wouldn’t be able to kill this one, probably wouldn’t even be able to hurt him. The merc had already made it clear why he was there- he was looking for Johns, and Riddick couldn’t give him what he wanted. He may have said it was answers he was looking for, but the convict knew what he really desired was his son, alive and well somewhere that Riddick could point him in the right direction to.
Riddick said his peace quickly, already feeling uncomfortable with the man’s presence, and turned to leave. It would figure that Santana bastard would try to shoot him in the back. What he hadn’t counted on was Boss Johns protecting him, a pattern that would become apparent later.
As Riddick struggled against the darkness at the edge of his vision, fighting the tranq darts with all his being to save the one creature that actually still mattered to him in this verse, he finally collapsed when the jackal lay lifeless. As Riddick hit the ground, he looked into the bluest eyes he’d ever seen... and he remembered... and he let the darkness claim him in hopes he would see a certain Blue-Eyed Devil there.
* * *
Boss pulled the box up next to Riddick, nice and close, so he could keep their conversation somewhat private. The convict shivered at the proximity though, hoping that the veteran merc missed the movement, or wrote it off as his muscles twitching from being tied up the way he was. When he chanced a look at him, it seemed Boss was lost in his own mind.
“I need to know what happened,” he spoke, eyes finding Riddick’s. He didn’t flinch meeting the unnatural silver gaze and Riddick couldn’t help but be reminded of Johns once more, just like that, in an instant.
“What the hell happened to your eyes?” Johns questioned. Riddick only smirked at him which caused the merc to shake his head. “Well, they’re really nice lookin’,” he admitted, not wavering when Riddick met his gaze.
“Did my son survive the crash?” Boss asked, pulling him from the happy memory. Riddick paused but nodded once. “But he wasn’t one of the people who got off world?” he checked. Riddick shook his head. “So, somewhere in between the crash and then, he was killed? Am I to assume it was by your hand?”
Riddick met his gaze, though he was unsure if he was able to keep the pain- the guilt- from them. “No.”
Boss seemed surprised by that. He caught himself, face hardening and he stood and walked off a bit. It was silent in the co-op for a while and when Boss finally turned around his face was pinched in anger. “10 years!” he yelled at Riddick. “10 years I’ve been looking for you and that’s all you have to tell me about my son!?”
He grabbed ahold of the front of Riddick’s shirt, and the convict met his gaze- one seething, one trying to keep his composure. “Sorry,” he replied dryly, only because if he said anything else it would be colored with his emotions. The merc let go as though he’d been burned, backing away.
“We done?” Santana asked plainly, a brow rose as he played with his machete, just itching to cut Riddick’s head off. Boss only waved his hand, shaking his head, clearly no longer caring what happened to him.
Riddick simply bowed his head, waiting for the end. “See you soon, Billy…” he whispered, closing his eyes.
* * *
They were in the middle of hell. Riddick scoffed at the parallels, being taken back to the crash on that shithole planet that claimed his Johns. Now, he had a different Johns at his side- a different man nestled in behind him on the hoverbike. Though just for a moment, he was able to feel and he was able to pretend.
As he dug for the nodes, he glanced over at Boss. They were far enough away from Diaz to speak quietly, and there were things he needed to say, things he needed Boss to understand, in case this was the time he wasn’t getting out of things. He didn’t want Boss to continue to wonder about the fate of his son.
“There were these creatures,” Riddick admitted, tossing some more dirt aside. He knew he had Boss’ attention, even if he didn’t say a word. “They came out when it went dark, and they killed most everyone who survived the crash.
“There was this little girl with us… Johns wanted me to kill her so we could use her as bait.”
Boss growled out, “Liar! My son would never-”
“No, he wouldn’t.” Riddick looked up, staring at him hard. “But he wasn’t himself. It was the dope talkin’.” Boss furrowed his brows. “Didn’t know ‘bout his habit?” Riddick went back to digging, only so he didn’t have to look the merc in the eye. “Your son liked his morphine.” Never mind why he liked it.
“That… That can’t be true.”
Riddick continued his story as though he’d never been interrupted. “So, we got into it. Couldn’t let ‘im kill a kid just to save our own necks. If he hadn’t been high, he wouldda known that.”
“So you did kill him,” Boss spoke, voice raw with angered emotion.
“No. Those creatures did.” He sighed, once again stopping to look at Boss. “Shouldda gotten him out of there before they had the chance to pounce though.” That was the first time he’d voiced aloud his regret, and that made his chest hurt. It was his fault, he knew it. “He stepped in front of it… for me.” Riddick could hear the pump of the shotgun, the sidestep to shield him, the sharp intake of breath…
Boss was silent, deadly so. Riddick couldn’t look at him though, afraid of what he would see. Clearly the man wondered why his son would do something like that, why he would protect someone like Riddick, especially if they had indeed been fighting. He could practically hear the merc putting pieces into place, knew what Boss suspected.
Riddick grabbed hold of the first node, putting it by the man’s feet. As he uncovered the second, he saw the handle of the blade he also left there sticking out. The convict slowly picked up the other node, watching Diaz from the corner of his eye. The man’s attention was on them and Riddick made every move deliberate.
“Keep on your toes, merc,” he mentioned to Boss, placing the second node at his feet.
Boss had no time to respond as Diaz attacked. As he lunged for the other merc, Riddick grabbed the hidden blade, and moved with the speed he was known for. Diaz had Boss in a choke hold, pulled tightly against him. The convict aimed true, shoving the blade deep into Diaz’s gut, going right by Boss’ body in the process. They were face to face, silver eyes meeting deep blue, their bodies touching.
Diaz fell away, breaking the moment and Riddick moved again. He pushed Boss out of the way, moving in on the traitorous merc again. Even injured, Diaz met him head on, grabbing his wrist and twisting, taking control of Riddick’s shoulder. He grabbed hold of the other arm, picking the convict up in the air, trying to dislocate them both. A shot rang out and Riddick was dropped to the ground. A couple more shots and Diaz followed- dead.
Riddick looked up slowly, meeting Boss’ gaze. The slight smirk he gave him, just that little hint of cocky arrogance, gave him a flash of a younger man. Least I know where Johns got it from, he found himself thinking.
Boss became serious again, cursing when he saw a blast from his shotgun had also hit the one cycle. “Damnit!” he hissed in frustration. He turned to the convict, who was smirking and said, “I ain’t ridin’ bitch for you again.”
There was a smart remark right on the tip of his tongue, but Riddick held it back in favor of pointing out, “Sure there’s still a working bike?”
He furrowed his brows but walked over to look at the remaining hoverbike while Riddick picked up a node and put it on his back. “Fuck! He sabotaged it.”
“Looks like we’re walkin’,” Riddick mentioned casually, picking up his blade.
Boss narrowed his gaze on him, nodding towards the weapon. “That was meant for me, wasn’t it?” he accused.
“Insurance policy,” Riddick answered simply, holding out the other node. As Boss took it carefully, eyes never straying from Riddick, he continued, “I ain’t gonna kill you Johns.” Walking by him, a little softer he added, “I couldn’t if I wanted to.”
* * *
Riddick felt cold, lying there on the muddy ground after his legs gave out. He’d been surprised when Boss caught him. The merc was looking between the claw stuck in Riddick’s chest and his glowing silver eyes. Seemingly making a decision, Boss stood, pulling a grenade off his belt and chucking it into the darkness.
Kneeling at Riddick’s side, his blue eyes practically seared into his. After a couple beats he bent over, body shielding the convict’s as the grenade exploded in a burst of color and shrapnel. They were both breathing heavier, practically sharing each other’s air as Boss pulled back a bit. They gazed at each other for a few moments, and finally one of them moved.
Boss was pulling the node off Riddick’s back, draping it over his left shoulder as he looked at the dying convict. There was an apology written there, and Riddick really wanted to snark out “like father, like son,” but he didn’t have the heart nor the energy in him. He should kill Boss where he continued to kneel, but he couldn’t. He really couldn’t.
He watched the form fade into the darkness and heaved a heavy sigh. His head fell back into the mud and he closed his eyes to the pouring rain. He felt cold and snorted at the cliché of it all. The irony. The justice… Johns died this way too, a talon through his chest, right by the heart. Maybe this was how it was meant to be.
As he loomed on the edges of consciousness, he felt a hand brushing his face. He forced his eyes open, just a slit, looking up at Johns as he knelt on one knee next to him. The blonde was more an angel than a devil just then, and he smirked as though he could hear Riddick’s thoughts. “See you soon, Billy,” he murmured, for the second time that night.
Johns shook his head. “Not yet, Riddick. Get up.” When the convict only shook his head, closing his eyes, he could hear the anger in his lover’s voice. “I said get up!” It felt like someone punched him in the chest and he bolted up, though his injury kept him from sitting upright fully.
He looked around, finding he was alone, but his lover's words were motivation enough. He saw some pieces of shrapnel that were so hot they were glowing and pulled himself over to it. He used it to cauterize the wound as best he could, biting his lip so hard that it started to bleed at the burning sensation. He was left panting, his adrenaline spiking, and he had to wonder how long it would hold.
He grabbed up his blade and stood, facing the direction he needed to go. The sounds of more mud creatures approaching had him running on instincts- fight or flight, and he chose the latter, only throwing a blow when he had to.
When he found himself cornered on the top of a ridge, surrounded by literally dozens of those things, crawling all over each other to get to him, he had a split second thought to apologize to Johns for failing him again.
The light that bathed the area and the weapons that started to fire caught Riddick off guard. He looked up to find Boss' ship hovering there and couldn't help but smile. "Well, well..."
When all the targets were eliminated, Dahl was lowered down to extract him. She ended up straddling his lap while she hooked him up, giving him a cheeky grin. "I believe you said I'd end up straddling you before the night was out," she joked, giving the line a tug to signal them to hoist the pair up.
Riddick barked out a laugh, wrapping his hands around her hips as they started the ascent. "Nah, sweetcheeks. I think we know I ain't exactly your type." She had made it pretty clear she preferred her own gender.
Dahl smirked and once they were safely inside the craft and unhooking, mused, "Don't think I'm the only one with that problem." Riddick furrowed his brows and she only smiled, looking up pointedly as Boss joined them.
The merc sighed in what could only be considered relief. "You're ok... Good."
Riddick smirked, taking the hand that was offered to him. "Thanks for coming back," he replied, coming to his feet.
"Couldn't leave you behind," Boss admitted, slapping Riddick's shoulder as he passed by.
The convict didn't miss the knowing smile on Dahl's face. "Come on Big Boy. Let’s get you cleaned up." Riddick nodded, head craning to watch after the retreating form of Boss.
* * *
Riddick could hear a familiar voice, male with a hint of a twang to it. He smiled softly, though it turned into a grimace as he tried to move. His chest hurt, burned. His eyes opened to a dim room. It was small and clearly on a ship. That was right, the rescue from those mud creatures… Boss’ ship. Then who…?
He turned his head, eyes falling on the elder Johns. He had an old paper book in hand- you didn’t see those very often- and he was reading aloud softly. “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die; a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to embrace and a time to refrain; a time to search and a time to give up; a time to tear and a time to mend; a time to be silent and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace… Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before.”
The man stared at the pages for a few more moments, the slightest sigh escaping his lips. “Hey,” Boss spoke, noticing he was awake. He closed the book, setting it on his chair as he stood, coming to stand at his bedside. “How you feeling?”
“Like I got stabbed in the chest,” Riddick deadpanned. There was a brief chuckle and a rueful smirk that crossed the merc’s face.
Suddenly, Riddick wasn’t looking at a man he barely knew. His hair was a lighter dirty blonde, his features more youthful, his eyes a soul-stealing blue. His Blue-Eyed Devil. Riddick laid his hand on the other man’s, smiling softly.
His lover seemed surprised, but Riddick reached up with the other hand, grabbing onto his soft cotton shirt and tugging him down gently. When their lips connected, Riddick melted into it, feeling the same response from Johns. “You gonna get over here, baby? Or do I have to drag you?”
There was a startled noise as Riddick started to pull, but then his lover seemed to remember himself, crawling onto the small cot. He draped himself over Riddick, straddling his hips. “Sure about this?” he asked.
Riddick met brilliant pools of blue and just smiled. He surged up, crashing their lips together again. He wanted to be lost in his lover’s embrace once again. Nothing else mattered.
Riddick’s tongue flicked out, enjoying the wanting noise Johns made in response. His hands explored, feeling muscles coiling under the touch. He settled his hands to a set of strong hips, giving them a little squeeze. There were too many clothes, he realized, but as Riddick’s hands took the hem of a shirt in hand, the kiss broke and Johns sat back, starting to protest.
“Wait, Riddick.” Johns pressed a hand to his chest, making sure he’d stay put. “What are we doing?”
He gave his lover a lewd grin. “Thought I was gonna make you happy,” he replied, his voice a low caress as he reached out for the other man.
Johns only pressed down harder. “This is all a little fast, don’t you think?” Riddick’s brow narrowed quizzically. Before he could question, the blonde continued, “And you’re hurt. You need time to heal properly before we can even think of doing anything like you’re implying.”
Riddick smirked at that. “Been through worse.”
“All the same,” Johns argued, moving to stand again. “We should talk about where this is going. I know I’m much too old to be caring about taking things slow anymore, but I still don’t want to just dive into something that could be a one night stand…”
Riddick shook his head, snatching the man’s hand. “Not a one-time thing with me Johns,” he assured.
There was a soft smile and a nod as Johns looked at his feet. “We’ll see about that.”
As he backed away, reaching down for the book, Riddick followed his hand. When the convict looked back up again, blue eyes met his, but the face was different. Boss gave him a half smile of encouragement. “Why don’t you get dressed and come out for some food. We can talk.”
The door closed behind him, and Riddick sat up slowly, giving his head a shake. “What just happened?” He had been so sure… It had been his lover there with him, not his father. How could he ever confuse the two? Sure they had the same bone structure and build, and that same voice with the slight drawl to it, and then of course there were the eyes…
Those eyes… They were exactly the same- deep blue depths that seemed to ensnare his soul and not let go. Had it been Boss’ eyes that pulled him in and put him under his spell?
Riddick dressed quickly so he could go speak with Boss.
* * *
He was lost in the sensations- the smell, the taste, the touch of his lover below him. Riddick nibbled along a strong jaw, tongue laving at an exposed throat. Johns had completely submitted to him and it was beautiful. Not that the blonde was going to argue, too busy lost in his own pleasure to care.
When they came it was like heaven, and Riddick growled his approval. He licked into Johns’ open mouth, swallowing soft moans. Slipping to the side, he wrapped his arms around his lover, pulling him in as he adjusted to lie on his back. Johns’ head found the crook of his shoulder and he sighed contently.
There weren’t any words said between them, just a few more lazy kisses before they both drifted to sleep.
When he awoke, Riddick looked to the man still curled around him. Boss looked younger in his sleep, and there was a peaceful look on his face. His fingers carded through brown locks for a couple minutes and he hadn’t even known he was smiling until he realized what he was doing and pulled away. He slipped out of bed and pulled on his clothes before disappearing to find somewhere on the ship to be alone.
* * *
“Riddick?” a familiar voice asked. “You alright?” Somehow he should have known Boss would find him there. Even buried deep within the shadows he’d been seen.
“Just thinkin’,” he replied gruffly.
“Not regrettin’ this are ya?” Boss didn’t have to elaborate. They had been having relations for a month or so, and Riddick hadn’t been making any other moves to deepen their relationship to more than just the physical. Not that Boss would complain- they’d come to the understanding that neither of them were against a mutually beneficial fuck and that it may never go further than that.
Riddick couldn’t tell him the truth, what he had been thinking after watching over Boss in the afterglow earlier. “No,” was the blunt response, looking away from him.
As the silver glow danced away, Boss sighed. “Ya don’t have to lie Riddick,” he grunted back. He gave the convict no chance to respond before walking away, leaving Riddick to his self-deprecating brooding.
* * *
The next time they had sex, it was rough and heated. Riddick pounced him as Boss returned to his quarters. The merc surprised him, reeling back and pinning him to the bed. Clothes were ripped, but neither cared through their feral need.
Boss got a cocky grin on his face that went straight to Riddick’s groin, recognizing it as someone else’s. The brunette leaned down, whispering into his ear. “I’m going to fuck you so hard, you won’t be able to walk tomorrow,” he drawled, a slight growl to it.
When he sat back up, Riddick groaned, looking into the blue eyes of his blonde lover. Johns wasn’t hesitant in the least, taking him hard and rough, hands bruising, teeth marking. Riddick wanted more, meeting each thrust and digging his fingers into the other’s flesh. It was bliss when he came, accepting Johns into his arms as he practically collapsed on top of him.
Their lips brushed as they breathed heavily, coming down from their activities. Riddick couldn’t help but smirk, nuzzling into his lover’s neck. “Billy,” he whispered fondly, praising the merc.
Suddenly Johns stiffened. “What?” he growled out.
Riddick had no time to react before he was being tossed out of bed and thrown across the room. His body hit the side of the metal ship hard and he growled, looking over to his lover accusingly. Except the man who looked at him now, fire in his blue eyes, was none other than Boss. It took him a moment to realize his mistake and he cursed internally.
“You bastard!” Boss bellowed. “You’ve been using me! You’re just with me ‘cause you’re tryin’ to get Billy back!”
“It’s not like that,” Riddick tried to argue, but Boss flew across the room, hand at his throat.
“I suspected,” he growled out. “Thought by things you said about him that the two of you were involved… But this?” He pushed Riddick away, watching him cough on the floor as his lungs inflated again with precious oxygen. “I want you off my ship,” Boss continued, cold and bitter. “I never wanna see you again.”
Riddick watched helplessly as Boss pulled on his pants, snatched up a shirt and stormed out of his own quarters, all just to get away from him. He fucked up, and he knew it. Not only did it feel like losing Billy all over again, but there was something more. Riddick was losing another man as well, one he’d grown to respect after their experiences on that hellish planet, one he’d come to care about in their short time together… one he’d just betrayed.
* * *
Riddick never did get off the ship at their next docking. If Dahl or Luna knew what had happened between him and Boss then they never mentioned it. No, it was business as usual with the mercs- tracking bounties, catching them, and dropping them at Slams. There was a tension there though, crackling between Boss and him, and they couldn’t have been blind to it.
So, he wasn’t all too surprised when Dahl plopped down at the small dining table and set a mug of coffee in front of him, her other hand curled around a cup of her own. “What’s the deal with you and Boss?” she asked- blunt and to the point, he liked that. “I thought the two of you were screwin’ like rabbits.”
He took a drink of the coffee, strong and black, before replying blandly, “Not so much these days.”
“Anything I should be concerned about?”
“Well, he hasn’t chucked me out an airlock yet, so I don’t think it’s too much cause for panic.”
“Right.” The “t” was sharp and accented when she said it. They sat drinking their coffee quietly for a bit before she inquired, “So, what happened?”
“I fucked up,” Riddick admitted, much to the blonde’s surprise.
Though perhaps her surprise was more due to the other person standing behind him in the doorway, the one he never heard approach. “Yeah,” the deep voice agreed, “you did.”
* * *
It was silent between them in the cockpit. They had ended up there without need for words between them. It was about the only place they could talk in complete privacy outside of their own individual quarters, but given what had been occurring in them it was best to stay away from those particular memories.
“I didn’t do it on purpose,” Riddick finally spoke, deciding enough was enough. If he ever wanted to make things right between them- and he had no idea why, but the answer to that was yes- then he needed to admit the truth.
“Do what? Use me?” Boss asked bitterly, eyes on the controls rather than him.
“To see Billy.” That caught the other’s attention, and laser-like blue eyes turned to him. It was out there now, so he may as well explain. “It just… happened. It wasn’t you there anymore, it was him. I wasn’t controlling it.”
Boss furrowed his brows, attempting to process that. “So… you were seeing my son?” he clarified. “All that time?”
“Not always.”
Taking a couple steps towards him, Boss asked, “You said you couldn’t control it. So…” He licked his lips hesitantly. “So what is it about me that made you see my son?”
Riddick looked at the ground. “Your eyes mostly. They’re… they’re the same.” He paused before adding, “Sometimes it was your smile- that cocky little grin. He had that too. Or your voice. I wouldn’t see you when you’d start to talk and I’d just look up and…” He looked up then, but it was still Boss standing before him.
The elder Johns frowned. “Were you ever interested in me at all?”
Nodding, Riddick hung his head again. “Yeah, Johns. I am. It’s just… It’s hard. To let go.”
“Don’t I know it.” Boss sighed, and the convict looked up to find the man’s face had softened. His shoulders sagged and he was clearly fighting his own demons. It was hard to remember that Boss was suffering too- Riddick wasn’t the only one who’d lost Johns.
“I loved him,” Riddick admitted without thinking. “Still do.” He couldn’t meet Boss’ gaze when he looked at him, didn’t want to see the emotions there, the accusations. “Never stopped thinking about him… ‘bout that night. I go over and over it again in my head and I wonder what I could have done differently.” His voice broke as he said, “I wish it were me instead. Or that I could have died down there so I could be with him again.”
He hadn’t been aware that Boss had moved, but he felt the hand on his shoulder. Riddick’s words were just coming now as he continued, “I saw him down there, y’know. Once you left with the nodes. Just… closed my eyes and… He wouldn’t let me go. Said I wasn’t allowed to die yet.”
“Riddick…” Boss’ voice was comforting. When he went to look at him, the man grabbed his chin to stop him. “Don’t look at me,” he explained. “Just listen to my voice.” Riddick gave a short nod. "I miss him too. But we have to move on. We have to get past this. If we..." He swallowed hard. "If we ever want to be more than this then we have to let go. Not just for our sakes, but Billy's too. So..."
Boss paused, taking a deep breath as he moved closer. He put his lips by Riddick's ear and whispered, "Listen to my voice Riddick. What do you hear?" Something familiar... his brain supplied. "Talk to me Riddick."
Looking up, he met brilliant blue eyes and a slight smile. "What do you see when you look at me Riddick?"
Riddick smiled softly, features relaxing as he took in the sight of his blonde lover. There was a little voice in the back of his brain reminding him it wasn’t real, this wasn’t Johns, but just as before he ignored it to slip into the fantasy- it was easier that way. Riddick reached out, snatching the man’s hand and pulling him in.
“What do you see Riddick?” his lover repeated.
“You of course…” What an odd question. His hand traveled down Johns’ side, settling on his hip. The blonde pressed into the touch at first, but then caught himself and pulled back a bit.
“Who do you see?” he clarified. “What’s my name?”
Riddick raised a brow. “Hit your head Billy-boy?” he inquired. His lover shook his head, taking a deep breath before stepping back into his space. There was a serious expression on his face, eyes piercing into him. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m dead Riddick.” The convict started to shake his head, but the blonde didn’t let up, pressing into his space, trapping him against the wall. “I’m dead,” he repeated, voice breaking just a little. “You have to accept that. I’m gone, and I’m not coming back.”
“No…” Riddick breathed, shutting his eyes and willing it all to go away.
“It’s not your fault.”
“Yes it is,” he insisted. “If we wouldn’t have been fighting, we wouldn’t have been on that damned ship to begin with. Wouldn’t have put you in that position. You were too dependent on the dope to be thinkin’ through a situation like that. And then I had to go and pick a fight, get us stuck there in the dark.” He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, feeling a bit of moisture slide from his eyes down his cheeks. “You protected me and I couldn’t do anything.”
“Listen to me, Riddick,” Johns spoke firmly. “It’s not your fault. I forgive you, Riddick.” The convict could only shake his head, slumping against the wall. “I need you to let go. Let me go, Riddick. You’ve hung onto me for too long. You have to let me go. You need to go on living your life, and you can’t do that if you keep me here.”
“No!” Riddick wrapped his arms around his lover, clinging for dear life. “I love you, Billy. You can’t leave me! Not again!” His voice was breaking, barely hanging onto his composure.
“I love you too,” he whispered in his ear. “That’s why you have to let go. Please, Riddick. Do it for me…”
After a moment, Riddick nodded. “Ok… for you.” His body sagged in defeat, a barely heard, “goodbye” escaping his lips. He started to shake, unable to hold back the tears. He hadn’t let himself cry ever, save for when his blonde lover had died in his arms. Now it felt like Johns was dying all over again.
“Riddick,” a voice spoke in his ear, bringing him back. He felt arms wrapped around him, holding him close, and pulled against the embrace a bit to look at the man comforting him. It was Boss, eyes pained, his own tears present. “What do you see, Riddick?”
“Only you, Johns. Only you.”
There was both a happiness in Boss’ gaze, as well as an underlying sadness. Riddick had finally let go- of his guilt and of Billy- though Boss himself had had to do the same. It was the first time he’d said aloud that his own son was dead, and in doing so, he had to let go of him as well.
“S’ok, Riddick.” Boss pulled the younger male in again. They were both broken in so many ways, but they would get through it. Without Billy’s ghost hanging over them both, they could finally move on. They were going to be alright… He could feel it.
* * *
It wasn’t hard to see that Johns’ memory was keeping Riddick from forming a legitimate bond with Boss. However, since that day in the cockpit, things had changed drastically. Both men seemed just a bit lighter, more at ease in their own skin, their surroundings, and each other. Dahl seemed to notice the change even before they did, giving them both knowing smiles.
There hadn’t been any more talk of Riddick leaving, and the convict simply continued to tag along with the expert merc crew. They never asked for Riddick’s help but he offered it anyway, throwing in his two cents about things- like where a target was most likely hiding once they got planetside, or how to go about setting traps. Boss mentioned more than once that it was nice having a “criminal perspective” on things, and he and Riddick would share a private smile.
Their relationship had been blossoming, taking things slower than before. Riddick hadn’t lied when he said he’d been attracted to Boss. He was only a dozen years his senior- having fathered Billy at sixteen- and was still a good looking man. When he would make Boss laugh or smile, he would look even more handsome, the stress lines on his face softening and making him look younger and more alive. Riddick found he loved to make him smile- there was just something about being the one to make Boss happy that made himself happy in return.
It was nice to see Boss for who he was, without the ghost of his son hanging over them both. Riddick could actually stand back and appreciate how different the pair really were. Though of course they had their similarities too- they were father and son after all. And boy did that thought ever make things weird- was he just replacing Billy?
As Riddick looked to Boss though over his morning cup of tea, he smiled softly to himself. No, he liked Boss for who he was- loved him even. He was more than aware of them being separate people after what they’d gone through. He’d gotten to know Boss, and despite the fact he’d yet to say it aloud, he had somehow fallen in love with him, being drawn in more day by day.
They’d agreed to take things slow, see where things led between them. Well, Riddick was more than sure on where he wanted it to lead now. He leaned across the table, and as Boss looked up at him he pressed their lips together softly. “Love you, Johns,” he whispered, breath brushing across the other’s lips before they once again connected. He felt Boss kiss him back and smiled into it.
When Boss pulled away, their eyes met and those brilliant blue orbs no longer reminded him of Billy, but of the brunette sitting in front of him. “Love you too, Riddick,” Boss admitted before placing their foreheads together.
Riddick smiled softly, fingers threading into the other’s hair as they stayed that way for a bit. Taking hold of Boss’ hand, he moved around the table and tugged him out of his chair into his arms. Boss smiled softly, holding onto Riddick and counting his blessings.
It was a rough start, and no doubt with the lives they led there would be more difficult times ahead, but for once Riddick wasn’t concerned. He found something in Boss, something he’d never thought to find again, didn’t think that he deserved. Riddick could feel again, thanks to Boss, and he wasn’t about to let him go.
/End