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The other side of the bed is cold when he wakes up. It takes him a moment to remember how that could be. When he does remember it leaves him feeling lost and alone.
Shiro's been gone for a month now after all.
They'd been doing so well the few months proceeding his disappearance. They'd told all their friends. Pointing out that they probably should quit with calling the pair of them 'brothers.' They'd also stopped hiding their love in public.
Shiro had even gone as far as to dip Keith in the middle of Allura's New Years gathering – the room had been packed with people welcoming in the year with drink and merriment – and kissed him firmly on the mouth. Lance had made a gagging gesture, only be nailed in the shin by Pidge.
Keith was still trying to piece together what he'd done to make Shiro leave. If he'd done anything. Almost every morning was like this nowadays. Filled with pain and loss and heartbreak.
He's leaning on the kitchen counter - waiting on the kettle boiling so he could make himself up a cup of crappy instant coffee – when his phone lights up with a new message from Pidge.
It's not surprising when he reads that she's outside and will most definitely kick his door down if he doesn't buzz her in.
When she steps into his hallway she's bundled in scarves and flushed from the cold. Despite it being Spring already the weather couldn't be any worse.
“Coffee?” Keith asks as he gestures to the kettle that just finished boiling.
Pidge nods, pulling off her multiple layers and throwing them over the sofa in the conjoined living room.
“You're looking less moody this morning,” Pidge says when he hands her a mug.
He shrugs in response and lifts up his own.
“I'm just getting used to things on my own I guess.”
“You can always move in with us,” Pidge offers up the suggestion like always, “There's a bed waiting for you, as well as Hunk's delicious homemade food.”
“What's the cost?” he questions with a smile and a lift of his eyebrow.
This he likes. It's the familiar banter him and Pidge always find themselves falling into. He's grateful that she still treats him the same. Everyone else treats him like a kicked puppy - which is mostly the reason he avoids going out nowadays. He doesn't want their pity.
“You have to put up with Lance... and maybe do the dishes from time to time,” Pidge says, smiling at him over her mug.
There's a glint in her eyes which he knows means that she's happy to see him at least a little less reserved. The past few times she'd been over he'd been frowning the majority of her visit and had answered her with short, clipped sentences.
“I think it's Lance that's the deal breaker,” he jokes.
He relishes in the way Pidge snorts and shakes her head as she laughs.
“I have to agree,” she says, “But you get used to him.”
He's tempted to add to that but instead decides to leave it be and takes a long slurp of his coffee instead. They fall into an easy silence and once he's finished his drink he leaves his mug in the sink with Pidge following by example.
“So what brings you out here this morning?” Keith asks.
Looking at the kitchen clock tells him it's somewhere between nine and ten in the morning. Pidge usually waits until it's verging on midday to wrestle herself out of bed. He figures it can't be something too bad or the girl would be a lot more fidgety.
“Shopping for cake baking supplies,” she responds and he notices the red blossoming on her cheeks, “I'm making something special.”
“What's the occasion?”
He runs through his mind. There couldn't possibly be a birthday he was missing right? After his last mishap of completely forgetting Lance's 20th he had the date pinned in the forefront of his mind.
“It's an anniversary of sorts,” Pidge didn't meet his eyes instead looking down at her twiddling fingers.
“It's been two years already!?”
Pidge nodded, her cheeks flushing redder. When she blinked back up at him her lips were curved slightly.
“I'm as surprised as you are,” Pidge says, “Always thought a prettier girl would catch his eye and he'd be gone.”
“Guess that just proves you're gorgeous then,” Keith smiles and allows himself to enjoy the way his friend squawks in indignation.
It had taken the gang a long time to help Pidge overcome her low self-esteem when it came to her looks. Since she'd been dating Lance however her confidence had sky-rocketed. He may find the guy annoying but Keith would admit Lance did good by her.
They spend another ten minutes just chatting about whatever comes to mind. Pidge tells him about how Lance tried to make dinner – to Hunk's horror – and almost set the kitchen on fire. It's when her phone pings that she excuses herself from his presence and he's left alone again, feeling blissfully warm.
It's nice, he thinks, that even if his life goes to shit he can still see his friends growing and maturing and enjoying life. Before he even realizes, he's crying.
He curls himself up into a ball. Making his body as small as it could possibly go. Inside his mind he fights himself. Desperately attempting to stop the jealousy that swells inside him when he sees Pidge looking so happy and content as she talks about Lance.
That could be him, his mind tells him over and over, that could be him talking about Shiro like he's the light of his life.
He misses him. He misses him so bad that his chest aches and he just wants to scream.
But he doesn't. He just stays in his little ball and waits hoping that he'll return home to him soon.
When he finally extricates himself from his bundle of self-loathing it's already dark. He fumbles his hand across the counter above him until it connects with his phone.
Ignoring the missed calls and texts he heads straight for his messages. Tapping on the familiar name, there's only one thing he can think to send.
“I miss you.”