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After returning from the scavenging and finding out what happened in her absence, Tara needed to act as if she’s stable and strong, for the sake of her family. But it wasn’t easy at all for her.
Looking around the infirmary, remembering everything that happened with Denise there, she can’t leave this place and go somewhere else because she felt as if she did, her memories with Denise will fade, she didn’t want that.
Everywhere there were precious memories, thinking about them now is making her feel that empty hole in heart, that she don’t think it will ever be fixed.
She sat down on the bed in the infirmary and started crying, how they first met when she even forgot her name, how strong she was, how she was devastated when she did her best in saving Holly but couldn’t, Tara thought Denise probably blamed herself thinking that she wasn’t good enough to be able to save her.
“I should’ve insisted on bringing her with me.” She kept whispering, she shouldn’t have left without Denise. Her cries were louder with every second that passed she couldn’t stop herself.
A knock on the door made her startle, she tried to wipe the tears and check who it was but her face would look awful and show that she was crying. Aaron was by the door holding his hand that was bleeding, one look at Tara’s face made him regret coming here at this time.
“Sorry, but I think this cut is deep” Aaron said as he walked inside after Tara moved away from the door inviting him in, “It’s okay, let me see it.” Tara wiped her tears with the sleeve of her jacket before taking Aaron’s hand to look at the injury.
“It’ll take a minute, thank god Denise taught me how to do this at least.” She walked to the medicine closet and got things she needed for the wound, and started cleaning it right away “Sorry, it’ll sting a bit.” But Aaron tried his best to hide his flinch and smile.
She dragged the chair to sit and focus on stitching the wound “I’ll try my best, don’t expect it to be as good as Denise’s,” she faked laughed and wiped her face again.
“It’s okay, as long as it doesn’t get infected and kill me,”
None talked for the whole time as she worked on his hand, the only thing to be heard was the sniffles Tara tried her best to prevent.
“Denise would be proud of you, you know” Aaron had his big smile on as he looked at his hand when she finished, and that made Tara giggle and walk away to put things back “You just need to change the dressing.”
He got up and went to the door silently, he turned around after he opened the door and looked at Tara who was still near the medicine closet, waiting for him to leave. “Tara, I meant it. Denise would be proud, I’m not just saying it to make you feel better.” She didn’t move “Thanks for this,” he waved his hand and left, closing the door behind him.
She turned the lights off and locked the door and walked toward her bedroom, the room that’s killing her to look at, the big empty bed, all the medical books on top of each other next to Denise’s side on the bed, all those nights when she pretended to be asleep while Denise kept reading and trying her best not to wake Tara up, all those times she just closed the book and just looked at Tara and played with her hair, she misses those times, her heart starts beating really fast and she could never stop crying every night now, looking at the other empty side of the bed.
Some nights she’d wake up from a nightmare and imagine Denise there next to her, putting her book down and comfort her “I’m here, baby. Shh I’m here.” She’d let herself believe that and fall back to sleep.
She sat on the ground next to the books, Denise precious books which she tried her best to get some more books whenever she was on a run, there was no reason for her to do that again now, none would read these books. She opened the first book on the pile, the last one Denise probably read.
“Being afraid sucks.”
That was written in Denise’s neat handwriting on the first page of the book. That was what made Tara break into another crying fit, she misses Denise so much, Denise who was brave, who did her best to save those around her when she wasn’t ready, she taught herself, she could have walked away but she didn’t. She wasn’t afraid she was one of the bravest people Tara ever known.
She spent a while crying holding the book, calling Denise’s name hoping to see her again, to make her feel safe and tell her what to do now.
After stopping, she knew what she had to do, for Denise and for her family. She had to pull herself together and try to be brave, as Denise was, that’ll make her proud.
She took whatever she could handle of the books making sure they’re about the basics and went to the kitchen, put them down on the table and made herself a lemonade.
When she sat down to start reading, she noticed how all the books had the same thing written on their first pages, it made her chuckle.
“Yeah Denise, being afraid sucks.”