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“Mon-El, this changes everything,” Kara said, shaking her head as she leapt into the air.
Maybe she heard him say, “Kara, wait!” Or maybe she didn’t. Either way, she didn’t care.
She was used to his offensive or irritating comments here and there, and being the forgiving person she was, Kara usually dismissed them. Yet, this lie was the final straw; she could no longer push away her frustrations. Mon-El never listened to her. Not when fighting enemies; not with Mr. Mxyzptlk; and not with direct, personal requests.
I wasn’t cute when he almost let those police officers die. It certainly wasn’t cute when he tried to literally murder the fifth-dimensional imp, to “defend her honor.” And looking back, it really wasn’t cute when Mon-El announced to the entire DEO that they were dating, after she specifically asked to keep their relationship private.
The lack of respect was astounding. How had Kara not seen how controlling and emotionally manipulative his patterns were? “I will respect you;” “I promise to respect you;” empty words . Kara was amazed that it had taken this one last instance of dishonesty to finally realize that she was just a broken record, constantly asking for respect.
She didn’t need Mon-el. Not when she was Kara, nor when she was Supergirl. She did not need a man. Yet, right now, maybe she did need a friend.
She circled National City twice to calm her mind, and then set her eyes on L Corp’s single balcony on the top floor. Kara sighed in relief when she saw the lights were still on and her favorite CEO was typing away at her desk. As Kara drifted closer to the building, she could see that Lena was wearing the same black, skintight dress she had worn at the gala from a few months ago; it seemed ages ago when Lena and Kara had just begun their friendship. Lena’s hair was slightly wavy, laying messily over her shoulders, perhaps the aftermath of being taken out of a tight bun. As Kara landed behind L Corp and quickly changed into normal clothes, she briefly wondered if Lena might be too busy or too stressed for a friendly visit.
It was late, already 9:30 pm and Jess wasn’t at the front desk to exchange the usual smiles with Kara as she walked towards Lena’s office. Lena seemed to like lingering at work late into the night. Kara made sure to double check that she was wearing her glasses before opening the door.
If Lena was tired or busy, she showed no sign as Kara entered the office. Lena’s face immediately lit up and she made her way towards Kara with open arms.
“To what do I owe this wonderful surprise?” Lena asked, as they embraced.
“Oh, well, I just wanted to pop by and say hi,” Kara replied, attempting to sound like her normal, bubbly self. But she should have known better, Lena had a way of seeing right through Kara.
Lena slowly pulled away from the hug. Still holding onto Kara’s arms and she furrowed her brow and looked into Kara’s eyes, “Is everything alright?”
“Yah, yah, I’m fine. How are you? Did you have any important meetings today?” Kara managed a weak smile, trying to change the subject.
Lena’s expression grew more concerned, “Kara. You don’t have to explain, but know that you can tell me anything.”
Kara looked downward to avoid Lena’s eyes, “I think the relationship I’m in is on the rocks.” Lena tilted her head in confusion as her eyes widened slightly. Kara hesitated before shaking her head, but kept her eyes away from Lena in embarssmentstating, “We--we have to break up.”
“What? Why?!” Lena frowned and looked much more upset than Kara would have expected. Lena didn’t even know Mon-El, and Kara doubted that she would even like him.
“I just can't handle a relationship built on any level of dishonesty.”
Lena really did look deeply upset at this point. She scrunched her forehead and crossed her arms. She must really hate the idea of some man treating Kara so poorly. “I understand, I guess. And I agree. But can the lies be remedied? We can rebuild and start being honest?”
"But it’s like my partner doesn’t know the real me at all! The truth now is just too little too late, Lena," Kara said as tears began to form in her eyes.
"No, I don't think so…" Lena trailed off as she stepped closer to Kara, "We can try starting now," she began, reaching towards Kara’s glasses.
Kara immediately jumped backwards, confused, "Wait, Lena, stop! What are you doing?"
Lena took in a small breath, "Like I said, honesty is a start, and I think we should begin with who you are and how I've known for months."
"Lena, I'm not – Why are you bringing this up now?" She asked, shaking her head. What the heck was going on?!
“Because I don’t want us to break up, Kara. I don’t want this to end,” Lena managed with a swallow.
Wait…
Oh.
Oooooooh!
Oh, Rao!!
“Lena...Did you...Do you think we’re a couple?” Kara softly asked, when understanding clicked in her mind.
“Do I think ? Wait, are we not talking about the two of us? Kara, we go on lunch and dinner dates all the time. And once you even dragged me to a sappy rom-com at the movie theater.”
“Dates? But we’ve never even, like, kissed or anything. Aren’t you supposed to kiss if it’s a date?” She hasn’t had that much dating experience, but the way Mon-El treated her… Rao, she shouldn’t use him as a good dating model...
“I thought you wanted to take things slow, so it was important for me to go slow too and respect you. I wanted to follow your lead And I wasn’t even finished, Kara: you also write flattering articles about me, gushing in an almost unprofessional way--”
Kara cut Lena off defensively, “Hey, that’s not true! I’m just trying to help National City understand that you’re a hero and--”
Lena threw her arms into the air, “Kara, what about the way you flirt with me?! How are you going to explain that if we haven’t been dating this whole time? ”
“Flirt?” Kara was genuinely confused.
“You can’t be serious.”
“I--I’m so sorry, Lena. I don’t like--I’m not--”
Lena shook her head and turned away from Kara, “This is embarrassing. There was a misunderstanding. I get it.” When Lena looked back at her, there was a level of anger and hurt in her eyes that Kara had never seen before. It was as if Kara had just accused her of not only working with CADMUS, but creating it, “You can leave the same way you came in. Or just fly out the window, whichever way you prefer to leave me.”
“Lena--”
Lena’s eyes turned icy as she snarled, “Just. Go.”
Unsure of what she could do at this point, Kara gave one last apologetic look towards Lena and then slowly exited the room. She walked home. She didn’t want to fly. Kara didn’t feel so super now.
…
Kara was curled up in a blanket on her couch, when there was a soft knock on her apartment door. Instead of answering the door or even using her x-ray vision to see who her visitor was, she just rubbed her eyes, too tired, and almost nauseous, to interact with anyone. It couldn’t be James or Winn, they were out doing Guardian rounds. It couldn’t be Alex, she had a date night with Maggie. Now, it definitely wasn’t Lena.
Lena .
How could Kara have been so stupid? Lena was probably the only person on this Earth who would always have time for Kara, always care for Kara. Lena never pushed her or asked for explanations. And Lena appreciated her for just being Kara. It meant even more to her now that she knew how Lena had already known her secret identity…And Lena was attracted to her? And wanted to be with her emotionally too? That was a lot to take in at once, but Kara ruined everything already. And she couldn’t even imagine how awful Lena must feel--Kara was her only friend in the entire city. Well, girlfriend actually instead? Kara didn’t quite know what to call their relationship anymore.
So, it was probably Mon El at the door. And Kara didn’t feel like officially breaking up with two people in the same night.
“Kara? Are you in there?” Alex’s voice came from behind the door. Kara thanked Rao that it wasn’t the daxamite jerk, but hoped Alex and Maggie were okay.
“Yeah,” Kara managed to croak out.
She heard the lock click and both Alex and Maggie walked into her apartment. Maggie sat next to Kara on the couch, while Alex made her way towards the kitchen.
“What’s going on, Little Danvers? You’ve got your sister all worried,” Maggie asked as she began rubbing Kara’s back.
“Why were you worried? Is Supergirl needed somewhere?”
“No,” Alex replied, “I texted you asking which Chinese restaurant had the best dim sum and when you didn’t respond for two hours, I tried calling. When you didn’t pick up after three tries, I got worried and asked Maggie if we could just check in on you.”
“I’m sorry guys, I really just haven’t checked my phone in hours. I didn’t mean to ruin date night.”
Alex walked back from the kitchen, holding a tub of cookie dough ice cream and three spoons. She sat on the other side of Kara and said, “Hey, Maggie and I can always reschedule. You are my sister and you’re important, okay? And clearly something’s wrong, so we’re here for you.”
“Yeah, and if it’s too personal and you just want to talk to Alex, I can totally go. Whatever you need, Kara,” Maggie said with a kind smile.
“Please stay, Maggie. You’re family, too,” Kara replied. Alex smiled and handed Maggie and Kara spoons, and then placed the tub of ice cream on Kara’s lap. “Alex, I don’t think I’m in the mood for food.”
Her sister and Maggie shared a surprised look and Alex cautiously asked, “Did something happen with Mon-El?”
Alex always had a way of knowing what was eating Kara up, “Yeah...and Lena.”
“He hooked up with Lena?!”
“Oh gosh, Alex, NO! They didn’t do anything together . Two completely separate things happened tonight!”
Maggie rose an eyebrow at Alex, “Seriously, Danvers? Luthor’s full name might as well be Lena Lesbian Luthor.”
Bewildered, Kara questioned Maggie, “How did you know she was into women?”
Maggie just rolled her eyes in response, while Alex nudged Kara’s shoulder, “Okay, so start at the beginning. We’re all ears.”
So Kara told them about how Mon-El is actually the Prince of Daxam, how she realized he’s only been a selfish liar this whole time, and how she needs to break up with him.
“Do you want me to kick his ass? No one treats my little sister like that.”
“Hmm, she does have that sick alien gun,” Maggie teased.
“No, no. I’m just embarrassed that I was so blinded before. I don’t know why I let myself stoop so low to date him. He’s the closest thing I have to Krypton, so I wanted it to work… But I’m realizing that he’s really the farthest thing from Krypton and our ideals. And it’s not because he’s from Daxam, it’s because he’s just misogynistic and horrible and--”
“Hey, hey, shhhh,” Alex cooed as both she and Maggie rubbed Kara’s back. Kara hadn’t realized how her anger had caused her blood to boil so much, that her eyes were glowing red, ready to incinerate her livingroom. She was so grateful for the company of her sister and Maggie in this moment.
After Kara blinked away the heat in her eyes, Maggie suggested, “Why don’t you take a couple spoonfuls of ice cream to cool you down, and then maybe tell us what happened with Lena, too?”
Kara still didn’t feel like eating, but she figured the frozen desert might keep her anger at that Man Hell in check. So after a few bites, she began telling the duo about her flight to Lena and what transpired in her office.
When she finished, both women stared silently at her. Alex’s mouth hung agape, eyes wide in confusion. Maggie just stared with a look of solemn understanding.
“Well? Someone say something please?”
Alex spoke first, “Kara, how did she know--”
Maggie cut her off, “Really, babe? That’s your main concern here? Lena’s smart, not to mention she sees Kara much more often than I do, and I figured it out early on.”
“But she’s a Luthor!”
Using Lena’s name against her again infuriated Kara, “Seriously, Alex?! When are you going to stop lumping her in with the rest of her family? She’s done nothing but help; she’s a hero. She’s been my hero a couple of times already! My family wasn’t perfect--remember Non and Astra? So just drop it.”
Alex looked down, ashamed, “Of course I remember Non...and Astra. You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m your older sister, I have to be protective--”
“Well you don’t need to protect me from Lena, okay?” Kara put her head in her hands and took a breath to steady herself, “I’m sorry I snapped, I just, I don’t know what to do.”
After a few moments of silence, Maggie spoke up, “Okay Kara, can I ask you something?” Kara didn’t look up, but gave a small nod. Maggie continued, “I’m not surprised Lena likes you, I mean, she built a whole balcony outside her office for you--”
That got Kara’s attention and she turned to look at Maggie, “What?”
“You didn’t put two and two together? I thought reporters were supposed to be observant,” Maggie chuckled, “Anyway, I thought it was clear that Lena had feelings for you. I’m just wondering how you feel towards her?”
“I’m not gay, Maggie.”
“Yeah, your sister said that too, and well, look how she turned out.”
Alex laughed, “Mags, you can’t be serious. Kara isn’t a lesbian.”
“I know she’s not. But let’s not rule out bisexuality or pansexuality just yet, or even an open umbrella term like ‘queer,’” Maggie replied. When she saw Kara’s crinkle appear on her forehead, she said, “Look Kara, there’s so many different types of sexualites and you probably haven’t thought about it before, especially since you’ve been dating that frat boy. But you clearly have strong feelings towards Lena, even if you think they’re just platonic. Look at how defensive you were when Alex called her a Luthor. How does being around Lena make you feel?”
“What do you mean?”
“When you see her walk into a room, when you think about her, when you’re having a conversation--what goes through your mind?”
Maggie was looking intently at Kara and it made her a little nervous, but she did her best to articulate what it felt like to be in Lena Luthor’s presence, “Well, um, she’s really easy to talk to? I don’t feel like I have to pretend to be someone I’m not when I’m with her. And she shares intimate details about her life with me, too...We actually have a lot in common,” uncertain if she should continue, Kara looked to Maggie. When Maggie gave an encouraging nod, Kara continued, “I always look forward to spending time with her. I feel safe and warm with Lena; she understands me. Now I know she understood me a lot more than I thought, but she never treated me differently. I was always just Kara to her,” Kara had to swallow a lump forming in her throat before she could continue, “Lena called me her hero when I was just Kara. She called me , not Supergirl, her hero. And that--” Her voice began to shake, “That just...”
Hot tears came pouring down Kara’s face as Maggie and Alex cradled her.
Alex smoothed the hair on Kara’s head and said, “Kara it’s okay. Clearly you both mean a great deal to each other, and I’m sure Lena will be able to move on. She just needs some time and space, and then you can try to be friends again.”
“How? I hurt her Alex, and that hurts me! I took her for granted, and she didn’t deserve this. She’s smart, and kind, and caring, and funny, and beautiful, and I--” Kara cut herself off in realization as she shot up off the couch with a sudden burst of energy, and the tub of ice cream flew across the room. She was now hovering a few inches off the ground, with her back to a surprised Alex and Maggie, who were still seated on the couch. “I messed up,” she whispered, then repeated it louder, “I messed up, guys. I didn’t know what I wanted until I messed up and lost it. I need to fix this.”
As she threw her Supergirl outfit over her clothes and drifted towards the door, Alex called after her, “Wait, Kara, doesn’t the suit go under the clothes? What are you doing, it’s already 1:00 am, why don’t you just wait till morning?”
Kara looked back to her sister and said, “No, this can’t wait another minute.” She looked to Maggie, hoping she’d understand. When Maggie flashed a proud smile and mouthed the word ‘Go,’ Kara gained the courage to soar out her window.
…
When Kara flew by L Corp, all the lights were out, so she flew to Lena’s penthouse suite and landed quietly on the balcony. All the lights were out here as well, but she used her x-ray vision to locate Lena inside. She was asleep in bed, curled in fetal position with the covers up to her chin. At first glance, she looked so peaceful, but when Kara examined her face further, she saw Lena’s expression was pained. It felt invasive just peeking into her apartment, so she stopped using her x-ray vision. Maybe Kara shouldn’t be here… But she had clearly hurt Lena immensely and needed to make it right…
Then Kara remember something Alex told her Maggie once said. ‘We should be who we are. And we should kiss the girls that we wanna kiss.’ Okay. C’mon, Kara Zor-El. You can do this. Just see if she wants to talk. One step at a time. You can do this.
She knocked softly on the glass door, in an attempt to avoid startling Lena. Kara was so anxious standing outside, she only let a couple seconds pass before beginning to fidget. Maybe I should just go. Or maybe the knock was too soft to wake Lena? One more knock and then I’ll go. Ok. I can do that. She attempted to knock just a little harder, but unfortunately, another wave of giddy nervousness hit her, and the glass completely shattered beneath Kara’s strong fist.
And there stood Lena, who was clearly about to open the door, but quickly backed away to avoid the broken after Kara destroyed it. She looked incredibly frustrated as she made her way back to her bed and laid back down, this time sitting upright.
Panicked, Kara began fumbling for words, “I-I didn’t see you coming, I was just trying to get your attention, I--”
“Supergirl,” Lena stated. Normally, Lena said the title with admiration and maybe even adoration in her voice, but this time, there was a harshness to the name. It was as if Lena had hatefully cut the air with the word. She flipped the lights on, and continued bitterly, “I assume you’re here to convince me you’re not Kara Danvers? Say what you need to, then leave. Kara and I are no longer friends, and I know she’s the only reason you ever cared for me. So after you leave, you can stop this charade. Stop pretending to care about me.”
“Lena, that’s not what I came here to say,” Kara began. Still standing in the empty balcony doorway, she started taking off her Supergirl costume, knowing that she planned to do her typical reveal in reverse order for Lena. Lena cocked her head, her stare now curious, but still icy. After the suit was completely removed, Kara reached into her pocket for her glasses. As she brought them towards her face, she offered, “See? I’m not here to lie or insult your intelligence. I’m here to be completely honest. You said honesty was good, right?”
Lena’s steely expression softened a little, but all she said was, “Come inside, I’m sure you don’t want anyone seeing your identity. And you don’t need to put those on. I know you don’t really need glasses.”
Kara gratefully followed Lena into the apartment, “It’s okay, really I--”
Lena rolled her eyes, “Kara. Say what you want. What’s so important that you had to literally, break in, accident or not, instead of waiting till morning?”
“I want--no, I need to talk to you about what happened earlier tonight. It was a lot to process: first that you knew who I was, and second...well, that other thing.”
Lena nodded slowly with her face morphing to a look of angry disappointment once again, “Yes, that other thing .”
“No, no, no, wait. I’m sorry, I can say it, I just,” Kara closed her eyes and inhaled a shaky breath, “It was hard for me to say, because--”
“Because you’re not into women and how could a Super possibly love a Luthor?”
“No! Lena, no. It’s actually the opposite.” Lena raised an eyebrow and some of the anger in her eyes faded to something that resembled hope. She said nothing, but looked ready to listen.
So Kara took another breath and continued, “I was so oblivious, Lena. Not only to your feelings, but also to my own. I was so focused on fixing Mon--my soon to be ex boyfriend--that’s a story for another time...I let him manipulate me into thinking that I liked him back and that he was someone who respected me.” Kara shifted her eyes towards the floor in embarrassment and began pacing, “I, My sister, you know she’s gay. She actually only just came out this year, and I was so proud of her. And I just, well, I just never considered the possibility that I could like women, too.” She paused, “Specifically one woman.” Then Kara looked back up into Lena’s shining eyes, “ You , Lena. I like you .”
Lena’s beautiful lips parted slightly, as if she wanted to speak, but couldn’t find the words. Her green eyes were shifting between Kara’s; searching for any sign of deceit or fabrication. So Kara carefully stepped into the room and made her way to Lena’s bedside. She slowly reached for Lena’s hand. Lena looked deeply into Kara’s eyes once again. When Kara gave her a soft smile, one full of excitement, adoration, and hope, Lena gently nodded and closed her fingers around Kara’s hand in mutual affection,”
After what felt like minutes of silence, holding each other’s hand, Lena finally asked in a shaky, almost child-like voice, “Is this real?”
“Yes, it is. I am being more honest with you, AND myself, than I’ve ever been before. Lena, I care about you so much and I’m so, so incredibly sorry I hurt you. And I’m sorry I lied about being Supergirl--”
“It’s okay. I understand why you had to do that.”
“Are you sure? And the rest wasn’t okay. You’re allowed to be mad.”
Lena’s other hand gingerly cupped Kara’s cheek, “I’m not mad, not anymore. You’re here with me now, and that’s all that matters, Kara Zor-El.”
Kara’s heart swelled with the familiar warmth of Lena’s presence. Shocked, she asked “You...You know my real name?”
Lena winked, “Kara darling, do not forget that I’m still a Luthor. Lex had files on not just Superman, but Krypton and Kryptonian society as well.”
Kara sighed, amused, “No one I care about has called me that for while. It feels nice to hear it. Especially coming from you.”
“Does this mean we get to go on a real date now? One where you’re actually aware of the purpose?”
“Ha. Yes, absolutely. In fact, leave the planning to me.” Kara was going to plan something extra special as first date, to make up for all the wasted time and emotions. Maybe she’d whisked Lena away to a different country, with stunning scenery. Somewhere dramatic and romantic.
Lena smiled, “Well, you just give me a date and time, and I will clear my schedule. I’m all yours, Kara.” Then Lena yawned, “Mmm, but for now, I’m afraid I do need some rest.”
“Right. You do have a company to run tomorrow.”
“I do. But, you could, if you wanted to,” Lena looked nervously down at her lap, “You could stay?”
“Oh. Well, Lena I would love to, but I haven’t even broken up with my ex yet and to be honest, this is all so new to me and I’m not so sure that I’m completely ready to, you know, yet, and--”
“Whoa, Kara that’s definitely not what I meant! Really, just innocent sleep. But if you’re uncomfortable…”
Duh. Lena wasn’t Mon-Jerkface, she didn’t expect sex or anything. She was respectful, and sweet, and gorgeous...and Kara was getting carried away in her thoughts… FOCUS!
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed that’s what you were asking, I know you’re not like that.”
“Kara, it’s fine, I think we need to stop constantly apologizing to each other,” Lena joked.
“I agree,” Kara bit her lip, “In that case, I would love to stay over tonight.”
“Really?”
“Really,” Kara said, as she switched off the bedroom light and climbed into bed with Lena, “I am warning you, I’ve been told that I’m quite the space-heater.”
“Hmm, I’m not surprised. Good thing I’m normally chilly at night,” Lena said, as she snuggled up to Kara. Lena wrapped an arm around Kara’s waist and rested her head on the spot where Kara’s arm met her breast. Kara then wrapped her outside arm around Lena’s waist. Finally Kara understood what Alex meant when she’d rant about the butterflies Maggie gave her. At the end of this crazy night, Kara was amazed to be laying here with Lena, holding her so close.
Lena looked up into Kara’s bright eyes and grinned the happiest, most content smile Kara had ever seen on her face, and whispered, “Goodnight, Kara Zor-El.”
Lena sleepily closed her eyes as Kara returned, “Goodnight, Lena Luthor. Sleep well.”
And the night went still. Lena was pressed against Kara’s body, and she never felt such deep affection in her chest. She was practically bursting with joy, yet she lay still so that Lena could peacefully rest. Kara’s super-hearing picked up on the slowing of Lena’s breaths. Kara could tell that Lena was almost asleep, when she remembered something urgent.
“Oh gosh, Lena!”
Lena’s eyes flew open, “What?! What’s wrong?!”
“I’m sorry, I just forgot to apologize for smashing your door!”