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Hoseok held the picture in his hand, his tears blurring his vision. “Gosh, why am I like this?” he sighed, putting the picture down. The pile of pictures was about to fall, but Hoseok didn’t care. The only thing Hoseok cared about was thousands of miles away. He scoffed at the thought, but more tears filled his eyes. He grabbed the bottle of whisky to his right and tilted his head back. Even the alcohol flowing through his veins wouldn’t hide how much this hurts.
It’s been a month. A month since the love of his life told him that he didn’t feel the same. That he’s moving to Los Angeles to produce music. That he didn’t want to lead Hoseok on, into a long distance relationship. Min Yoongi up and left Hoseok in the cold for the warm beaches of California to pursue his career. More tears fell onto the new picture he was staring at. It was taken near the beginning of their relationship. “Our third date,” Hoseok remembers, “he spilt his coffee on me and kept apologizing,”. He smiles at the memory as he tries to remember the loving look on Yoongi’s face.
He met Yoongi through a friend. It was Jimin who introduced him to Yoongi. At first, Yoongi had simply produced a track for Jimin to perform, and Jimin thought that Hoseok could have a personal track, too. All that Hoseok got is his heart being ripped from his chest, flying to California. He wanted to throw them away. He always swore that today would be the day, the day he throws out the pictures of him and Yoongi. Except, Hoseok can’t seem to do it. Two years of a relationship and he just leaves? Hoseok still can’t believe that he’s gone.
He wants to call him. Want to see him, just hear his voice. Except Yoongi blocked his number after the 30th call. Yoongi got rid of his social media, all but SoundCloud. That’s the only way Hoseok remembers what he sounds like. That’s the only thing Hoseok holds onto besides the pictures and the note. The note that Yoongi gave Hoseok for their first Valentine’s day together. The note that caused Hoseok to only fall in love with Yoongi even more. For Hoseok, it was love at first sight. He knew that he would love the man in front of him for all time.
The feelings on this paper seem fake now, a prank. A way to hurt Hoseok from thousands of miles away. Was it a joke? Did Yoongi really “love” him for two years? Just to throw it away like it was a rotting apple? Were they not okay before Yoongi left? Hoseok searched his mind for the point where Yoongi changed. Did Hoseok do something wrong? Was his love not enough or too much? Hoseok clenches his fists in his hair as he racks his brains for answers. Why did he leave? Why did he leave!? Why did he leave?!?
His heart leaped as he tries to imagine a world without Yoongi. The world he’s been forced to live in for the past month. He wants to forget. He wants to completely erase his memory of Yoongi. “Damn Ji-jimin for bringing him into my life,” Hoseok hiccups. He wants to scream. Wants to yell. Wants to find answers, but they’re in California. The answers don’t want Hoseok. The answers don’t need Hoseok. But Hoseok needs him. He needs Yoongi. He needs Yoongi like a breath of fresh air. He needs Yoongi like food during a famine. He is swimming in his tears and alcohol and his own wallowing. Yoongi is a sea and Hoseok is a ship lost in him.
He reaches into the fire under the mantle. Hoseok imagines Yoongi slipping a blanket around his shoulders and pulling Hoseok into him. He shudders as he scans the photo in his hand. It was Christmas. Yoongi gave him a beautiful necklace, one that’s been looped around Hoseok’s neck ever since he left. He’s slept and showered with it on, hoping that Yoongi will come to his senses and call him. He frowns as the words echo in his ears, “Sorry, Hoseok, but I have to go. I-I need to do this. We were never meant for forever”. He sobs as he angrily throws the picture into the fire. Hoseok reaches to the pile of photos and grabs a handful. He looks at all of them, before tossing them into the dancing flames.
His heart rams into his ribcage at a scary tempo, trying to keep up with his racing thoughts. Why aren’t you here? What do you mean by “We were never meant for forever,”? Why did you have to go? Why couldn’t I have gone with you? Why is this so much more important? “ Why can’t you see that I’m still desperately in love with you? ” Hoseok screams into the flames that are melting the last photo. His sobs force his body to jolt in different directions, his emotions taking up every part of his being. Hoseok wraps his arms around himself as he falls to the floor, crying into the hardwood.
Jimin stands at the entryway, upset to see his friend so tired. He knows Hoseok is hurt in way that can’t be fixed. His footsteps cause Hoseok to jump out of his trance. “S-Sorry Jimin, I-I didn’t mean to do this tonight,” Hoseok wipes his eyes and moves to stand. Jimin quickly helps Hoseok get up on his feet, his knees weak from the anxiety and sadness flowing through him. “It’s okay, Hoseok. I understand you’re hurt. This is going to take time,” Jimin explains, moving Hoseok to his bedroom. “I just, I don’t understand why…” Hoseok trails off as the tears return, leaning on Jimin more. “You’ll understand in due time, time heals all wounds,” Jimin says softly as he places Hoseok in his bed.
“I’m sorry that I keep doing this. I just, don’t understand…” Hoseok trails off once again, sleep finally taking him. Jimin smooths Hoseok’s hair, feeling horrible for introducing the two. “I’m sorry for causing your pain. I’ll fix this, Hoseok, I promise.” Jimin tears up. He’s going to fix Hoseok, whether Min Yoongi is in the picture or not.