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At first, it had seemed like a good idea. At least, to Erwin it had.
"Are you seriously asking me to trudge through the woods? Through nature? With bugs and dirt and..."
Erwin had to hold Levi steady for a bit while he processed this.
"It could be fun, Levi! Come on, we've never camped before," Erwin pleaded.
"I swear to fucking christ on a cracker, if you try that puppy dog eye shit on me, I will... Stop it!"
"But it works," Erwin said, batting his eyelashes.
"Ugh, I loathe you..."
Not even twenty-four hours later, Erwin was wishing he had listened to Levi.
"Are you positive you know where we're going?" Levi asked, wheezing as they walked through the woods. He grimaced at everything and made a lot of disgusted noises. He had outright refused to let Erwin carry his backpack.
"I'm not a toddler," he had argued.
"I'm about 97% sure..." Erwin mumbled, looking at the GPS. Levi let out a groan.
"That's not good enough," he sighed, stopping to catch his breath. He sat on the ground with a thud. "Gross..." he murmured.
"I told you I could carry your things," Erwin said. "You packed way more shit than I did anyway," he added. Levi just glared at him.
"I'm fucking tired, Erwin." Erwin rolled his eyes, but he understood. Levi had never camped in his entire life. He was used to the indoor life; the place he could control and, most importantly, keep clean.
"Look, I'll go up ahead a little to see-"
"No!"
Erwin turned back to Levi, seeing that his eyes were wide with worry. He quickly composed himself and went back to glaring at him instead.
"I mean... I'm fine. I just didn't want you leaving me all alone in the woods, that's all... haven't you ever seen I Shouldn't Be Alive? That'll be us," Levi said, shuddering. Erwin kneeled to meet Levi's level. He wasn't showing it outwardly, but Erwin could tell Levi was scared. He put a hand on his cheek and kissed him softly. Levi melted into him, the tension slowly leaving his body.
"I won't let anything touch my Levi," Erwin said with determination. Levi tried being mad at him, but it just wasn't possible now.
"Whatever, you damn goob," Levi said, waving him away. "Let's just find a place to set up camp. I'm hungry."
Eventually, they did find a suitable spot. It took about ten times before Levi was satisfied with the placement of the tent.
The ground is uneven.
These rocks are going to poke the shit out of us.
Oh god is that bear shit?
Erwin, I read that sleeping on an incline causes brain damage.
Through it all, Erwin dealt with it.
"Seriously, Levi, you've never even made a s'more?"
Dusk was setting in and they huddled around the fire. Levi was wrapped in about three blankets, a surly look in his tired eyes.
"The fuck is a s'more?"
Erwin faked a heart attack.
"Okay, watch and learn!" Erwin took two graham crackers, a marshmallow, and more chocolate than necessary out of his bag and set them on a plate, waving it in front of Levi's face. "First, put the chocolate on the graham crackers."
"That's a lot of chocolate," Levi said.
"Shush, you love chocolate," Erwin said. "Next, take the mallow and put it on a stick made for roasting." There was no way in hell he was going to use any old stick he found on the ground. Levi would pass out. "Then, toast to perfection." He held it over the flames until it reached a golden hue. "Voila!"
"You're a fucking idiot," Levi said, trying to hide a smile.
"Lastly, put that sucker in the middle of this delicious sandwich of chocolate and graham cracker," Erwin said, overdoing the action. "Look at that shit," he said, grinning and presenting it to Levi like some kind of treasure. Levi bit his lip and laughed before taking it from him.
"This is messy," he said half-heartedly. He took a bite and his eyes widened. "Erwin."
"What? You don't like it?" Erwin asked, not really expecting any different. Although he did love chocolate, Levi wasn't really too big on sweets in general.
"Make me a million more," Levi said, devouring the s'more. Erwin noticed he still had chocolate and marshmallow on his fingers and he wasn't even complaining about that.
"I wanna make one for myself," Erwin said, getting more ingredients out. Levi grabbed his face with sticky hands. "Wipe your hands off, dork!" Levi scrunched his nose and rubbed it against Erwin's cheek.
"Please make me another one," he said, his voice low. He nipped at Erwin's lower lip, eliciting a groan from him. Erwin had forgotten all about s'mores at this point. He could taste chocolate on Levi's lips. He took initiative and kissed Levi, his tongue running over Levi's.
"I'll make you whatever you want," Erwin breathed. Levi smiled against his lips before pulling back just out of reach.
"No more kisses until s'mores," he said. Erwin had never made something so quickly in his life.
Five s'mores later, Levi was begging Erwin to stop.
"I'll puke on you," he warned.
A rustle in the woods made Levi catapult onto Erwin's lap.
"Did you hear that?" he whispered shrilly. Erwin wrapped his arms around him and nodded.
"It was probably just a rabbit or something," he said. Levi buried his face in the crook of Erwin's neck and shook his head.
"That's what everyone says before they get mauled by a bear," Levi said in a muffled voice. Erwin's laughter vibrated through his body.
"You really are the definition of a city boy," Erwin said softly. Another rustle. It was louder this time.
"It's making noises now," Levi said. He was shaking like a leaf at this point. He could go through a haunted house stone faced, but he couldn't handle nature.
Erwin was about to assure him that it was nothing when he heard something odd. Voices.
"I don't think it's an animal," Erwin said. Levi looked up slowly, not daring to let go of Erwin.
"Marco, I told you I was sorry!"
Levi knew that voice.
"You said you knew where you were going."
And that one too.
"Oh fucking balls," Levi muttered. Erwin cocked his head to the side. "I know those idiots anywhere," Levi added. It had been a few years since he had quit his job at Starbucks, but he'd spent enough time with those bumbling idiots to have their voices embedded in his memory for all eternity.
"Hey, I see a fire or something!"
"Jean, you can't just-"
Jean burst through the trees, gasping for air. He saw Levi clutching Erwin and his eyes widened.
"Levi?"
Marco followed, a look of annoyance written all over his face. However, he saw Levi and reacted much the same way.
"And, Erwin, right?" Jean asked, walking towards them. Levi made a groan of protest when Erwin set him aside and stood to greet their unexpected guests. He shook hands with both of them because he was just a fucking fairy tale prince or something.
"Yep. Jean and Marco, I assume? You worked with Levi didn't you? I remember now!" Levi wished he could sink into the ground. He knew Erwin would never tell them to leave. He also would never stop talking. But now he was looking at Jean and Marco and realizing how much two years had changed them. They had once seemed so much younger than he, but now they looked like young men.
"We're a bit lost," Marco sighed, glancing at Jean. Jean held his hands up in defeat.
"I understand the feeling," Levi said, glaring at Erwin. Erwin mirrored Jean.
"You guys can share our camp site," Erwin offered. Levi refrained from punching him in the ribs.
"That would be awesome. We're fucking tired and hungry anyway," Jean said with relief. Marco looked significantly less pissed now. He put an arm around Marco and squeezed him close. "I actually remembered to pack the hotdogs, so don't yell at me."
After Jean and Marco had set up their tents, they sat around the fire cooking hotdogs.
"Levi never seemed like the camping type to me," Marco said.
"Yeah, he hated when we got sugar dust on the counter," Jean said through a mouthful of hotdog. Levi had wrapped himself up again. He resembled a disgruntled ET.
"Because you bozos got more than sugar dust on the counters," he said. Erwin chuckled. "Fuck, get your mind out of the gutter," he said, elbowing Erwin through his blankets, so it didn't feel like much.
"You're right about Levi not being a camping person though," Erwin said. "He thought you guys were bears or something," he added. If looks could kill, Erwin would have been a pile of ashes.
"You know, in my many times camping-"
"You've only been camping with me, idiot."
"Okay, in my... three times camping, I have never seen a bear," Jean said. He tried to pull Marco into a hug, but he only groaned and pushed him away. Levi could see him trying to hide a smile though. He could really relate to Marco on the topic of annoying but cute boyfriends.
"Probably because you're so loud it scares everything in a ten mile radius," Marco said. Jean frowned and shoved the rest of the hotdog into his mouth.
"I always suspected you two would end up together," Levi said dryly. Jean choked on his hotdog. Marco stifled a laugh.
"We're not-"
"No way, he's an idiot," Marco said, giggling. Jean looked at the ground in defeat.
"Yeah, well, you have Bert or whatever his name is," Jean said bitterly. Marco stopped laughing and blushed furiously.
"He's my friend," Marco said firmly. Erwin wished they had popcorn right about now.
"This could get interesting," Erwin said, leaning into Levi.
"Ohhh yeah, because friends get other friends bouquets of flowers," Jean said.
"It's strictly one-sided!"
"Yeah, I know the feeling."
Even Levi was holding his breath now.
Marco's mouth fell open. Levi couldn't see them that well in the dark, but he looked as though he was about to burst into tears. Jean looked mortified that he had said such a thing.
"I didn't mean that!" Jean said as Marco stood and stiffly walked to their supplies.
"I'm gonna s-set up the tent," he said softly. Jean turned to Erwin and Levi with a pitiful look.
"Hey, you got yourself into this mess," Levi said. Erwin elbowed him and offered Jean a smile.
"He can't stay mad at you forever," Erwin said. Jean looked at his feet.
"You've never witnessed Marco's sulking," Jean sighed. Levi could recall it though. Whenever Marco was cross with Jean, which was a fair amount, he would give him the cold shoulder for days on end. At the time, he had thought it was funny. But now he felt a pang of sympathy.
"I'll talk to him," Levi said, surprising both Jean and Erwin.
He dragged his blankets along, sitting down next to Marco who was attempting to set up the tent. He kept putting things in the wrong place and stabbing himself with the stakes.
"That's a two man job," Levi commented. Marco tried his hardest to smile, but it faltered.
"I don't mean to make people feel that way," Marco said softly.
"Well, it's not a state secret that you're a precious bachelor, Marco." Marco looked down at his hands and blushed harder.
"Jean's my best friend though," Marco said. "Wouldn't it be weird?" Levi shrugged.
"Who is better for you than somebody who knows you inside and out?" Levi asked. "I mean, Erwin is basically the only friend I've ever had." He'd never thought about it before, but it was probably true.
"Well, we've probably cuddled more than any real couple I know," Marco said with a small smile.
"See? You're half way there," Levi said, patting him on the shoulder awkwardly. This whole conversation was beyond Levi's comfort zone to begin with. "Um, I'll help you out with this. I kind of need to make up for the fact that I sulked while Erwin put our tent up," he said, feeling guilty now. Erwin just wanted to make this a fun time and he'd been a brat about it. He sighed and threw his blankets on the ground, hardly caring about bugs and dirt anymore.
For someone who had never put up a tent in his life, it was working out pretty well.
At one point, Marco looked into the woods with a look of panic.
"Shit..." he whispered, pointing to where he was looking. Levi turned, not expecting to see what was there.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now?"
He was almost too irritated to be scared. Almost.
He grabbed Marco's arm and ran back to Erwin and Jean as quietly as possible.
"We jinxed ourselves," Levi hissed, jerking his head towards the woods. Erwin was about to laugh, but stopped when he saw what he was referring to.
"It won't hurt us. It probably just wants our food," Erwin said quietly.
"Since when did you become the fucking bear whisperer?" Levi asked. Jean reacted a little differently.
He barreled into Marco, shoving him into Erwin and Levi's tent and landing on top of him.
"Jean, what the hell?"
"That's a bear!"
"I can see that!"
"You know, a bear isn't going to let a tent stop it," Erwin said calmly. Jean let out a whimper.
"It would still make me feel better if I couldn't see it," Levi said, pushing Erwin towards the tent. He was almost as rattled as Jean.
They made Erwin zip it up due to the fact that he was the only one willing to get close to the entrance of the tent.
"We probably scared it away by now," Erwin said reasonably. They just glared at him.
"It's so cold," Levi said, wishing he hadn't left most of his blankets outside. Out there. With a bear. Erwin pulled him close abruptly and squeezed him. "You're going to kill me one of these days."
The action seemed to have jogged Jean's memory because he looked guilty and pulled his knees to his chest. Levi thought back to he and Marco's conversation. It almost pissed him off how much he wanted them to just be together. Why did he care so much? Perhaps it was because of the fact that it had taken him so long to find someone for himself. And these two idiots had been standing in front of each other for most of their lives.
Marco must have noticed the intense look in Levi's eyes because he looked at Jean, biting his lip.
"I'm sorry..."
"Huh? For what?" Jean asked. "I'm the one who should be apologizing," he said.
"But what you said was true. If I've ever led you on, I'm sorry." Jean was speechless for a moment.
"Marco, I don't think you're even capable of leading people on, holy shit." It was Marco's turn to be surprised. "Do you really think you have? Because even if you have, you definitely didn't do it on purpose. And, uh, if you really do like this Bertholt guy then I won't be a dick about it. I just want you to be happy, alright?"
Marco looked at him in awe.
"I mean, I'll be a dick if I have to be... but only if he hurts you," Jean said, finally looking away. He was glad it was too dark to see his crimson face.
"Jean, that means a lot to me to hear that from you, but..." Jean's heart sunk. "I don't like Bert like that. I wasn't lying."
"Ick, young love..." Levi mumbled to Erwin who kissed his nose in response.
"Okay, well whoever you do like-" Jean started.
"Jean, you're too narcissistic to be a dick to yourself anyway," Marco said.
"Just let me explain- wait, what?"
"This is better than movie night to be honest," Erwin whispered.
"I like you, dork," Marco said, laughing. Jean buried his face in his hands. Marco put an arm around him and kissed his cheek.
"Oh man, you guys are gayer than Erwin even," Levi said. Erwin shrugged. "So, uh, does that mean you guys are going back to your own tent?" He had never seen them look more terrified. "I'm just kidding, calm down. But really, there's not enough room for you two."
"What if the bear is still out there?" Jean asked nervously, but Levi knew he wasn't really thinking about that anymore.
"Do you need an escort?" Erwin asked.
"N-no... G'night guys," Jean said, practically stumbling out of the tent. Marco followed, but looked back at Levi first.
"Thanks," he said and exited the tent.
"What was that about?" Erwin asked, lying back and closing his eyes. He had the tendency to fall asleep within seconds, so Levi laid on top of him. Not that Erwin would find that uncomfortable, but he was more focused now.
"You'll be surprised to know that I actually can give sound advice," Levi said.
"Mmhmm..."
"Erwin, don't you fall asleep," Levi warned.
"I had a hard day of making you s'mores and fending off bears..." Erwin groaned, stretching his arms and wrapping them around Levi.
"We should do this again," Levi said sheepishly. Erwin's eyes opened at that. He sat up on his elbows, getting closer to Levi's face. He squinted.
"You're serious?" he asked, making sure it wasn't a dream. Levi shrugged.
"I guess it's not so bad..." Levi said. Before he had the chance to see it coming, Erwin grabbed the sides of his face and kisses him hard with a "mwah!" "You're so annoying," Levi said, but smiled. He was glad Erwin wasn't a "I told you so" person.
"It was the s'mores, wasn't it?" Erwin asked.
"Eh, probably."
Erwin grinned and kissed him again, softer this time. He stopped for a moment, pulling away just enough to speak.
"Do you hear that?" Erwin asked. Levi listened for a moment and groaned.
"Well, it's not a bear this time..." Levi said.
"Oh fuck," Erwin said, as if it hadn't occurred to him.
"Come on, they were practically a couple already."
A mischievous smirk danced on Erwin's lips. Levi had to take a moment to catch him breath.
"I bet we could outdo them," Erwin said, running his lips along Levi's throat. Levi shuddered. "OHHH LEVI YEAH!"
"Oh my god shut the hell up!" Levi hissed, putting both hands over Erwin's mouth. Erwin couldn't stop laughing and tried yelling more, but it was muffled. Jean had apparently understood the challenge.
"MARCOO OH GOD RIGHT THERE UGH!"
"Jean, don't!"
"You're both six years old, do you know that?" Levi asked. At this point, he couldn't hold back his own laughter.
"BE GENTLE WITH ME, MARCO! OH! YOU'RE SO PASSIONATE!"
"I'm seriously going to kill you."
Eventually they stopped yelling. Levi assumed Jean had fallen asleep, because Erwin sure had.
Levi snuggled up to him, still freezing and not motivated enough to go retrieve his blankets. Erwin was a space heater anyway.
That night he had strange dreams about bears eating s'mores and yelling at each other.